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002 The Rebellion: How Society Trains Women to Abandon Themselves · The Good Girl Rebellion

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What if the reason you struggle to know what you want isn't because you're indecisive?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't because you don't know yourself, and it isn't because there's something wrong with you.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's because you've put everybody else's needs before your own for your whole life that you don't even know how to want what you want.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even know how to stand firm in your decisions and be proud of the box that you might want to step outside of.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because from such a young age, we are so conditioned to put everybody else's needs before ours.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are told that girls are rewarded for being good, helpful, agreeable, pretty, slim enough, polite, sexy but not too sexy, accommodating, successful, but not too successful that you overshadow the men in your life.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: We are raised with these beliefs that this is how we should be and this is how we should perform and this is how we need to show up in our lives.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are encouraged to sacrifice a bit of ourselves every single time we put someone else ahead of ourselves.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: We learn very quickly which version of ourself receives the most approval, which version of ourself is easiest for people to like, and which version of ourself is desirable, therefore losing our authenticity.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: But in this journey to becoming desirable, liked, accepted, do we lose ourselves piece by piece along this journey to the point where actually we end up building lives where we don't even know who we are, we don't even know what we truly want.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even know how to make ourselves happy because we've spent our whole lives making everybody else happy.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: If that resonates, if you feel like you have lost yourself in order to be the good girl, the palatable good girl that the world has raised you to be, then welcome to the rebellion.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is a series all about stripping back the conditioning, understanding what it is you truly want from your life, not what everybody has told you you should want, and then building the tools, the skills, the knowledge around how to actually make that life a reality.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think most women wake up one day and decide to abandon themselves, their hopes, their dreams, and their desires.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think we are slowly praised over and over and over again for how good we are at abandoning them, and then one day we look back and realise that we lost ourselves along the journey.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready to reclaim your power, reconnect with your wildest self and rise as the woman you were never taught to be, you are in the right place.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the rebellion.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I will say this again: it is not your fault.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: How you are living, if you are living out of alignment with what you know you truly want and desire, it's not your fault.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You were raised to put everybody else before yourself.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're aware of it, if you are here listening to this episode, then you know that how you are living, the way you are living, who you are putting above yourself isn't sustainable and it isn't something you want to do any longer.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So do not shame yourself because we just can't.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: When now you're awake now and you're aware of it now, and you can choose now to stop making that decision going forward, to stop putting everybody else above yourself and to make sure you prioritize yourself each and every day now that you're aware of how you haven't in the past.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because you didn't just wake up one day and think my needs don't matter.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: You learned over time that your needs create problems, and that means that we over time put our problems aside again and again and again.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Our problems, our dreams, our desires, our hopes, our wishes, whatever we want from this life, if it creates a problem for other people in our life, majority of the time we will have pushed it aside.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: We will have forgotten who it is we are, what it is we truly want, what it is we truly desire.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because how many times have we expressed how we feel, expressed what we want, and been knocked back?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you said you've been tired and you needed to rest and someone has called you lazy?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: How many times did you say you didn't want to hug somebody and you've been rude?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you cried and someone's told you to stop being so dramatic?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you disagreed with somebody and somebody's told you don't be so difficult?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you been angry and you have been told to calm down?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you wanted something different and you've been told to be realistic?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you prioritized yourself and been called selfish?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And how many times have you changed your mind and people have said, but you said you would.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You said you would be there, you said you would do X, Y, and Z.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because the thing is, we think this is harmless.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: We think that this is just something we can overcome every day.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: But over time, this eats away at you piece by piece by piece, like the ocean lapping away at the shore.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, you are going to cause erosion.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is going to crumble.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Things are going to break down.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually you don't need anybody else to silence you.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need anybody else to tell you that you're being lazy, that you're being overdramatic, that you need to calm down.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, you're just going to silence yourself.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, you're not going to show up with those emotions, those feelings, those hopes, those dreams, those desires that you want because someone is going to knock you down.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of putting yourself out there and being knocked down, you just don't do it anymore.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: You don't express your emotions.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't go after what you want.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't go after what you desire.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't put yourself first because you know that actually you're just going to have to give up and you're going to have to put everybody else above you anyway.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So why would you even bother trying?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you try and fail?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: So in the end, we just don't try.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually that conditioning, it becomes your internal voice.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: That voice inside your mind that tells you it's just not worth it.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not worth causing a scene.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not worth getting upset.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not worth going after the job that you really want to do, the relationship that you know you desire, the dream holiday, the destination that you dream about going on.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not worth it because you don't think it's going to work.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that conditioning, it builds this internal voice that keeps you playing small, that keeps you from going after what you desire.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the really powerful part.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is the part that is so powerful that this chipping away throughout our lives means that we eventually keep ourselves so small that we forget who we truly are.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because the thing about being a woman is we are taught to be liked before we're even taught to know ourselves.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: We are taught to fit in before we're actually taught to put what we truly want and desire first.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because so many of us, we don't even know the difference between what do I want and what will make everybody else happy.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you actually did something that you wanted to do?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Something that was going to make you and only you happy?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm not saying that we have to be selfish and that we have to never be there for other people in our lives and support them and put them first sometimes, but how many times have you sacrificed yourself for other people?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you been in a situation where you've wanted to act, you've wanted to do something, you've wanted to go after something, and you haven't because you know that other people in your life are going to be disappointed.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I actually want you to think about that because I bet you can think of a lot of times that you have decided to put everybody else's happiness and joy before your own.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because the thing about women is we are so good at walking into a room and reading it and responding in accordance to that reading.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just walk into a room as we are, we go in, we scan it, and we decide where we belong, we decide how to interact with the room.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, on one hand, this is a skill because you are empathic, you can understand how people are thinking and feeling, and you can be there to support them.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But how many times have you maybe been so happy and had the best day at work, or you've got a promotion, or something incredible has happened to you, and you've walked into a room and somebody's having a bad day, and you haven't shared your celebration, you haven't shared the good thing in your life because you don't want them to feel bad?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or how many times have you been really sad and upset and someone else has been happy and you've just put your feelings aside and you've decided to just go along with their happiness and their joy?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the thing about women.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: We know what our partner wants, we know what our boss wants, we know what our parents need, we know what our friends want, we know what our children need, but what do you need?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you actually asked yourself, what do I want?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because do we even know?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do we even understand and know ourselves well enough to know what we truly want underneath the layers of what everybody else wants and expects from us?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the thing about being a woman is we are taught that our value is relational.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: We are the good daughter, the good girlfriend, the good wife, the good mother, the good employee, the good friend, the good woman.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So we become very good at being for other people.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: But when you take those other people away, who are you underneath?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you if you're not the good partner, the good friend, the good colleague, the good employee, the good wife, the good mother?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: What have you got without all those other people in your life telling you your value and where you belong in society?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you when you're not performing for somebody else?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you when there's no one else in the room asking you who you should be?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you when there is no noise from anybody else telling you how to live your life?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to live your life?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's one of the reasons I absolutely love traveling, especially solo traveling, because when you are in another country and you have no one else around you who knows you, you aren't anybody else.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: You are just yourself.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't the person that people knew from school, you aren't the sister, the friend, the daughter, the girlfriend.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't anything.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are just you as you are in that very present moment.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody you experience and everybody you interact with in your life in that situation only knows what you tell them, only knows the version of you that you allow them to see.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one thing I love about solo traveling because it forces you to actually understand what do you want?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you want to eat every night for dinner?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do with your day every day?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to spend your time?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to spend your money?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to spend your energy?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And who do you want to spend it with?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because being able to make the decisions for yourself, wholly and completely for yourself, is such a liberating and freeing, but also crippling experience sometimes.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like when there is nobody else to bounce ideas off of, when there is nobody else to give you an opinion, it's very difficult.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's very confronting.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the more you do it, the more comfortable you become at making those decisions.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: The more comfortable you become to know that you actually have your back, that you actually hold yourself, that you actually know what you're doing.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need anybody else to tell you how to live.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to be that person for everybody else.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can be it for yourself.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And another part of being a woman is we are taught that how we show up in the world, our physical appearance reflects our value.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you felt shit about yourself so you feel like you're not worthy of the life that you might have?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you felt in bad shape so you don't think that you deserve the good things?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you felt ugly so you've put makeup on to make yourself feel better?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing is women are taught that everything reflects how we look.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are taught that if we aren't desirable, if we aren't attractive, if we aren't beautiful, then we aren't allowed to take up space.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're taught that if we are old, if we are wrinkly, if we are going grey, then we've lost our moment.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: That life is over.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I remember so many people have asked me what it's like being 30 because we are so conditioned, and I felt this as well when I reached 30.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had this feeling that life is over, and life is not over.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Just society has told us that your 20s are your prime.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your 20s are not your prime.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your 30s, 40s, 50s, they are just as important.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Every stage of your life is as important, but society has conditioned us to tell us that we are only valuable in our 20s, we're only valuable if we are desirable, we're only valuable if we're attractive, we're only valuable if we're slim enough, feminine enough, sexy but never too sexy, successful but not too successful that we're intimidating to the men.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Confident but not too confident that we come across arrogant.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have we been told that we need to fit in a box?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the box has rules, the box has standards, the box has millions of things we need to do in order to be accepted into it, and not one of them is to be authentic, not one of them is to be yourself, not one of them is to show up as you are, for who you are, exactly as you are in each and every moment.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not one of them encourages you to express yourself and be yourself, and that is what we need to do.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: More and more women need to take back control of their beauty standards, of their femininity, of their authenticity, and show up because the authentic side of you is the most beautiful side.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: There isn't anybody else like you.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: You are one in a million.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like the chances of you being here as you are in this body with this appearance and this personality and your voice is so unique.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a miracle, and it's not one that should be wasted, it's not one that should be snipped at and changed and covered up with the world's idea of beautiful when you are beautiful just as you are, because you are a magnificent creation.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is never gonna happen again.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And on top of that, we are also taught to override our bodies.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: We are taught that we need to push through, be little men, show up, even when we don't feel like showing up.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is something that I've talked about so much on this podcast with cyclical living, is that we are so encouraged to forget our cyclical nature, to forget what it means to be a cyclical woman and just to show up at 100% every day.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: We are praised for being the ovulation goddess, the queen, but we are shunned for being the wild woman in our luteal phase when actually women are cyclical.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Women need ebbs and flow of peak and rest and balance, and we just need a combination of all of it.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we are so conditioned to work when we're exhausted, socialise when we need solitude, exercise when our body needs rest, ignore our hunger, ignore our anger, ignore our sexual discomfort, ignore our intuition, ignore our menstrual needs, ignore our burnout, and say yes when your body is saying no.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's one thing that Florence Given talks about is if it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's a fuck yes, you know it.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your body knows it, you feel it in every inch of you.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if it isn't a fuck yes, then it should be a fuck no.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because why on earth are we putting ourselves in these positions over and over and over again that we know we don't want to be in?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've been conditioned to put everybody else ahead of ourselves and we've been conditioned to allow ourselves to lose ourselves to make everybody else happy, to put everybody else's hopes, dreams, and desires ahead of us.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm guilty of it, we're all guilty of it, but we are here.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: We have acknowledged it, we are owning it, and we are going to change it.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because the cost of abandoning yourself over and over and over again can be so damaging.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: It can start to look like in your life resentment for your partner, your friends, your family, burnout, anxiety for having to put yourself in positions that you know you don't want to be in, having to show up in ways that you know you don't want to show up, so you get anxious about doing those things, constantly second guessing yourself, never knowing if you're actually making the right decision, not knowing what you truly want, who you truly are, what it is that you truly desire, staying in relationships that you've outgrown, choosing careers that could look good on the outside but feel so wrong on the inside, constantly needing external validation to know that you're doing a good job, feeling guilty when you take a rest, when you take a day off the gym, when you aren't in the position to show up for yourself and other people, feeling guilty for putting yourself first, feeling selfish when you set a boundary or guilty for setting that boundary, losing touch with your creativity and not understanding how to express yourself, what you can do to bring playful, creative flow back into your life.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not being present, feeling like you're living on autopilot, so not understanding and being in the present moment enough to actually live your life.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You just all of a sudden look back and it's like the whole week is gone and you feel like you weren't even present and you weren't even living it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: You were just doing things that you've always done over and over and over again.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And achieving things and still feeling empty.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is a massive one because if you actually don't desire what it is you're going after, then when you get there, you're not gonna be happy with the outcome.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're just gonna feel nothing because it doesn't mean anything to you.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest one is that you stop trusting yourself, you stop putting yourself first, and you stop trusting what it is that you truly want.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: You stop trusting your intuition, you stop trusting your inner voice, you stop putting your voice first, and you put the voice and the opinions of everybody else in your life before your own.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that means that over time you tell yourself that your inner voice isn't trustworthy, that it isn't one to be listened to.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why returning to yourself feels so uncomfortable, because it's not just changing your behavior, you're rebuilding your self-trust.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're rebuilding this acknowledgement with yourself that actually you do know what you're doing, you do know what you want, and you do know how to look after yourself.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's about understanding that maybe you're not unhappy because you're ungrateful.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're unhappy because you've built a life around being acceptable rather than being yourself.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: You've built a life over everybody else's dreams, desires, wishes rather than what you want.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: You've built a life to be the palatable good girl that you were conditioned to be.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: But who the fuck is that?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Who is that?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Who is underneath that outer good girl shell?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Who is it that you actually are at your core?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: What did your inner child?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: What did she want?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: What did she want when you were young?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Before anyone told you that that dream was unrealistic, before anyone told you that that's not how girls do it, before anybody told you that that's just not gonna work for you.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Who is it you are at your core?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're exhausted, if you feel like you are done living the life you are living, then maybe it isn't because you're bad at life or you have a bad life, it's because you're constantly performing a version of yourself that isn't actually you.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're constantly showing up in a life that isn't actually yours, and you know it deep down in your core.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you're here, that's why you're listening to this episode, that's why you've made it this far in.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know you are not living the life you're put here to live.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are living the life that you were conditioned to want.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: You are living the life that you were raised to believe would make you happy.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are living the good girl life.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: You are living the good girl lie, let's face it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can you return to yourself?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: What can you do to bring yourself back into trust with yourself, into knowing that actually you have your back, you know what you're doing, and you can and you will make all the right decisions.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's the wrong decision, it doesn't matter because you learned a lesson.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: So it's never the wrong decision in the end.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: So stop asking yourself if you have a situation and you don't know what to do, stop asking yourself what should I want?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: What would make sense?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: What would everybody else think?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And ask yourself, what do I want?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: See what comes up.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: See what comes up because how many times have you made a decision based on what everybody else tells you you should do?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you asked, what do I want?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Me, myself, and I, only I.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: What is gonna make me happy?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you start doing this, you also start noticing how you are slightly, very slyly betraying yourself over and over and over again.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because this isn't gonna be one big life-changing, oh my god, I've done it moment.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be catching yourself in each and every moment over and over and over again when you are abandoning yourself?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: How many times can you notice when you say yes when you actually mean no?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you pretend you're okay when actually you're not?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you laugh when something isn't funny but it's because you're uncomfortable?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you stay somewhere because you don't want to disappoint someone?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you ignore your body's signals that it needs rest when you don't feel like you deserve rest right now?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you changed your opinion to avoid conflict?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you minimized your achievements because you don't want to overshadow the other people in the room?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you dressed yourself down or doled down your makeup because you don't want to make other people in your life feel insecure?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you apologized for having needs?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because self-abandonment happens in the tiny moments long before it becomes a life crisis.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: And these tiny moments of self-abandonment over and over and over again are what adds up to living this good girl lie.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: They are what creates this good girl conditioning that we then do them on autopilot.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to notice how it is you are putting everybody else's knees before your own and start to practice acts of self loyalty.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Practice putting yourself first.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to pause.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And before you answer somebody's question, before you automatically say yes, because that's just what you've always been told to do, I want you to feel.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to drop down into your body and ask what it is you are actually desiring in that moment.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Ask what I actually want, and then choose.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can you act on what it is you truly want, even if you don't have someone else's approval?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: That is how you rebuild self-trust.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: You stop, you pause, you feel into the body, you ask what you want, and you choose yourself, even if you don't have approval.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Choose yourself because the more times you choose yourself, the more times you're going to tell yourself and prove to yourself that you have your back, that you can do it without anybody else's approval.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: The life isn't gonna fall apart, it's not gonna blow up in your face just because you made a decision that doesn't align with the decisions that people in your life want you to make.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna fall apart, it's not gonna break down.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, you're going to be okay.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the more times you do it, the more times you put yourself first and the world doesn't fall apart, the more you build your self-trust.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you understand that actually you have your own back and you can do it and you don't need anybody else's approval.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: So your rebellious act for this week to stop being the people pleaser that we have all been conditioned to be and to put yourself first and understand that it's not your fault, you were just conditioned and raised this way, is I want you to do one thing this week that makes you happy.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not that makes anybody else happy, just you.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that makes you happy, one thing that you want to do.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds simple, sounds simple, but it's not.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to do something not because it's productive, not because it's expected of you, not because it will make someone else happy, not because it will make you look good, and not because it's what you are supposed to do.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to do something that you want to do.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do that and you think that was easy, of course I can put myself first.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to say no.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just no.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to use no as a full sentence.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: No elaborate excuse, no over-explaining, no, I'm so sorry, I can't do this because I have X, Y, and Z going on and I'm blah blah blah blah.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to say no.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, that doesn't work for me.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'd rather do something else.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to actually stand firm in what it is you want, your decision, and stand by it.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well and truly stand by it.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Own your no.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that is your rebellious act.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to do something that makes you happy, well and truly happy, with no knock-on effect of making you look like the good girl that we all know that you so deeply desire to be.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if that is simple and that is easy, and you think I could do better than that, then I want you to use no as a full sentence.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to not overexplain and tell somebody why it is you can't do something.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: You just say no.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to know what your desired act for the week is, what it is that you want to do that isn't gonna get you any benefit, what it is that you are doing to put yourself first, leave it in the comments below so I can see what everybody has got up to and what it is that everybody truly desires when no one else tells them how they should be, no one else tells them how they should spend their time.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when you've done all of that, I want you to notice, I want you to understand how that feeling shows up in your body, how that know or how that rebellious act of putting yourself first and doing something you desire makes you feel.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you feel guilty?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you feel like you have to explain yourself?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: How is it that that shows up?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is your conditioning.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: That is your conditioning, and that is what we are slowly breaking.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is what we are breaking down in this series, your good girl conditioning, so that you can be the rebellious woman that puts herself first that you know you were put on this earth to be.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal of being that rebellious good girl isn't to be selfish.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to never be there for the people in your life and show up for those you love.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's to become someone who doesn't have to constantly abandon herself to be loved.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's to become somebody who knows that the woman who stands with her values, the woman who stands in her hopes, her dreams, and her desires is adored for those hopes, dreams, and desired.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's understanding that you don't have to give up yourself, your authenticity, your true fire, your passion, your nature.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to give any of that up for the right people.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's about understanding that you don't have to give any of that up where you can still have all of those hopes, dreams, and desires and be loved for who you are.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't have to burn your life to the ground.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become a completely different woman.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to start listening to the woman who's already in there.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to understand what it is she truly wants.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And once you understand what it is she truly wants, you will understand how much of your dreams and desires, how much of the life you are living isn't actually yours.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: How much of it has been conditioned, how much of it is stuff that you have been told you should want, you should hope for, you should desire.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you start questioning the life you've been handed, you actually start to understand how much of what you are living in your day-to-day life isn't yours.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Once you start to understand how many of your desires, how much of your reality isn't yours, and you begin to understand what it actually is that's yours, that's where the real rebellion begins.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what we're going to talk about next week.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: How we are living other people's lives and the hidden cost of living someone else's life.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: If this resonated and you are enjoying the rebellion series, make sure to share with the girls in your life so they can come on this journey with you, and we can undo our good girl conditioning and reclaim the life we know we have put on this earth to live.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure to come and follow me on Instagram at Iam Isabel Martucci for all things reclaiming mind, body, and spirit and breaking our good girl conditioning.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you again so much for listening, and I will see you again next week on the Rebellion series.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: All my love, as always.