Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 199. #3 Top Episode of 2025: Avoid These 10 Phrases: What Not to Say to Your Adult Child

Transcript

199. #3 Top Episode of 2025: Avoid These 10 Phrases: What Not to Say to Your Adult Child · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: On this show I'll be your compassionate guide to help you launch your kids and enjoy life with your husband in your empty nest.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: By having an eye are loving this phase of life and I have strong relationship with my five grown kids.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to listen to the end because each episode I'll have a coaching tip.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is one actionable step that can improve your relationship with your adult children or your husband.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have one request.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you found this episode helpful, would you please leave a rating and review?
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you review the podcast, it helps it be distributed to more listeners.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes on how to leave a review.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to follow or subscribe to the podcast so you can find the episodes later.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get started!
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're counting down my most listen to episodes of 2025 and coming in at number 3 is a good one.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was episode 160.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Avoid these 10 phrases.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: What not to say to your adult child?
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because honestly, the way we talk to our grown kids is everything.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you'll
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: today.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about how to communicate with your adult child.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mom's often expressed frustration when it comes to communicating with their grown kids and today I want to start with what not to say to your adult child.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: As moms, we love our children deeply and want to stay connected with them, but sometimes the words we say often with good intentions can create distance instead of drawing us closer.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Without even realizing it, we might make them feel guilty, criticize, or like they never quite measure up.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if we want to have strong, healthy relationships with our adult kids, we must be mindful of what we say and how we say it.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to give you 10 phrases to avoid.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, you could call me sometime, you know.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, did you go to church this week?
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, you should blank.
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  [SPEAKER_00]: Number four, I thought you would have blank.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number five, I just know how you are.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number six, why can't you put your phone down?
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number seven, you can't move away from me.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number eight, when are you going to get a real job?
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number nine, how much did you spend on that?
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And number 10, I can't drive that far to see you.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we realize these phrases sting, we can change how we talk to our grown scripture and monitor us how to behave.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Colossians 4, 6 says, let your speech always be gracious.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: seasoned with salt so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're charged to be gracious and wise, not overbearing and bossy.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a fine line that we must be mindful of.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, I don't want you to walk on eggshells with your adult kids, but there are things you can do to speak life, to keep the conversation open, and to strengthen your connection.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Mama.
• 3:35
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• 3:36
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• 3:37
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• 3:44
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• 3:48
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• 4:22
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• 4:24
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• 4:32
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• 4:39
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• 4:39
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• 4:44
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• 4:48
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• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about how to speak life to your adult children.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, you need to accept the shift in your relationship.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your ability to accept that you are separate from your grown child will help you understand your adult child is responsible for themselves.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want you to tell them what to do.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you do, it drives a wedge between each other and causes them to distance themselves from you, and you don't want that.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember this, Mama, your child craves autonomy.
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: This means that they want to be seen as someone's separate from you.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: They want to be responsible for their choices.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's our job in this season to let them be responsible for their choices because you are not.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's really important in this season of life with your grown child to create a little distance, a little separation.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, the most common way I help my coaching clients is to create some distance.
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: When moms are overly involved, they lose themselves.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: They are so consumed with what's going on with their adult child.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're stuck in room-enhaning thoughts and worries and fears, but they need to do this and they need to do that.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is actually making you lose yourself and it's creating so much tension for your adult child.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: This actually is preventing your adult child from maturing, and you don't want to do that, Mama.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when you accept this shift, you will experience more peace.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You no longer need to hover or be overly involved with your going child's affairs.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let them lead themselves while you accept that you aren't responsible for them, like you were when they were young.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now I want you to know, I understand that this shift is so difficult.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you've spent two decades being completely responsible for your child, it feels difficult to let go.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: But one of the ways we can do that is, again, the way we talk to our children, communicate your belief in them.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: don't say these 10 phrases, which are often laced with criticism and judgment.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It makes our kids feel like we don't believe they can do it.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't believe that they can be responsible for their own lives.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So this is super important.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way we talk to our kids is probably the most important thing you can change so that you can have a stronger relation.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to take inventory of how you speak to your adult child.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now,
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  [SPEAKER_00]: Please understand there is no judgment for me because I've been there.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have literally had to change the way I speak.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I've learned this by when I said some of those things years and years ago, I would see my children bristle and I didn't want that to happen anymore.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So know that there's grace as you take inventory, think, gosh, have I used any of those 10 phrases?
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as soon as you become aware of it, just practice not using it, I think one real powerful thing to do is remove the word should from your vocabulary like all of us need to do that we shouldn't we shouldn't see look it's our we don't need to show ourselves into doing anything and we don't need to show our children into doing anything so just become self aware this week I know that you can do it.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: To learn the rest of the phrases, hop on over to episode 161, the part two of this episode.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for listening, Mama.
• 9:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: As an emptiness coach, I invite you to book a free discovery session, so we can discuss how I can help you.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, there's no obligation.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's simply a conversation to see if we're a good fit.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Find the link to sign up in the show notes.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also invite you to connect with me outside of the show.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you enjoyed the conversation and want to connect, go find me on Instagram.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: My username is P. Hinkleman, H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're a Facebook lover, find me at Pamela Hinkleman, M-T-N-S-T coach.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, remember, I am here for you, and ready to help when you need it.