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Men Struggle At Home · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  We got a question for American mamma. Dear mama, why is it okay
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  for men to work and women to stay home but not for women to work
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  and men to stay home. Isn't that a double standard? Well, let's
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  ask our American mama, Mama, Mama, and joining us now our American
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  mama Terry Netteville. There was the study out of Europe, and I found
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  it fascinating. But they went through and looked at different relationships and the working
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  relationships within them. So basically, so you've got a man and a woman,
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  right, husband and wife for domestic partner, whatever you got, Okay,
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  So you can have a couple of different employment situations. They're both working,
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  or he's working, she's working part time, or he's working, she's
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  not working at all, or she's working, he's working part time, she's
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  working, he's not working at all, or they're both out of work at
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  all time. Okay, So they go through and they go which of these
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  categories are people actually the happiest? Where are they most satisfied? And of
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  course it was when they were both working that showed up. They were No,
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  no, no, that was actually second when they were both working,
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  right, The one where people said they were most satisfied was he was working.
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  She was not. Are you surprised by that? I am not,
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  because that was our role. And that's something that Kevin and I discussed when
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  we got married. When we got together, I had, you know,
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  if we were able to financially do this. I wanted to stay home and
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  raise our children while he worked outside of the home. Lucky for me.
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  Luckily for me, he felt the same way. He grew up with a
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  mom at home. I grew up with mom at home, and we recognize
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  that for us, that was going to benefit our family the greatest right.
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  Never judged anybody else that worked outside of the home anything like that. But
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  we have such traditional roles and that really works for us. I have a
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  friend of mine. She is the breadwinner. However, he's the head of
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  the house. So this is how, okay explain that. Okay, Okay,
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  So she is a high powered attorney, Okay, a millionaire. She
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  makes the most. Yes, he is a D one basketball coach. Okay,
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  So they're both working. They're both working, but she makes more money.
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  She makes more money, and they have the same accounts. And there's
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  no mistaking they have five children. No mistaking that he is the head of
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  the house. And then her role she cooks, you know, she cooks
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  her she does better than me, She cooks her meals. But she is
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  focused on she kind of manages the house, manages the kids. And then
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  she's able to work from her computer and she'll go to court or whatever and
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  they tag team. But whenever he has to move, let's say he gets
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  called up to perdue or aware of it, to go be a basketball coach
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  or whatever. Um, that's it, she's that's what we're doing. Packs
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  up, that's where we're going. That's what we're doing. That's interesting.
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  It's I think because they have traditional roles within that as husband and wife and
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  with their children. There's no um, there's no jealousy. There's because it
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  all goes to the same pie. But this particular situation where the man is
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  not working, the woman is. And I think in this study it said
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  there a lot of men wishes wish that their women weren't working either. That
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  was that was what part of the fascinating part of this was that men who
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  weren't working actually said they were more satisfied when their their female partners, their
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  wives, or their domestic partner whatever when they weren't working as well and the
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  women weren't. That confuses me. And by the way, for a lot
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  of the women they said the same thing that that really confuses me because I
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  don't know how you get ahead like that. Yeah, you know what I
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  mean. But um also I think that there is an ego attached to it,
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  especially for men. Yeah, if I'm not going to make if I'm
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  not going to be the breadwinner, if I'm not going to pull in the
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  money, I don't want you too. We can be in this you know,
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  kind of this ditch together and figure it out. But that one kind
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  of confused me because I don't know that i'd want to be with a partner
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  that did not want me to in my life, whether it was work or
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  you know, whatever it is you do. Yeah, because I have a
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  lot of working women friends who are incredible mothers, but they have very supportive
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  husbands. Well that's you know. That was one of the things with Wendy
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  and I is that I don't think she would actually long term be happy not
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  working. And in part you talk about how you were raised your mother didn't
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  work, and and Kevin's mother didn't work, and you guys had that.
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  Well. For Wendy, she had a stepfather who was not nice to her
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  mother, and so there are echoes from her childhood where you know, she
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  will Wendy just will not clean if she's the only one cleaning, just because
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  that's from her childhood. Because that was an abusive relationship, that was one
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  of the things that she saw. And so for her not to be able
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  to go out and work, she felt like she was she had to stay
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  home. That would have echoes from her childhood that were not pleasant. And
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  I think a lot of women have this. Um you know, well,
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  those of us that grew up an idyllic we don't have the same understanding of
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  that, but the majority of women do. And what I hear over and
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  over again is I'm never going to have to rely on a man for money.
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  I'm never going to get in a situation, whether dating or married,
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  where I have to rely on somebody else to do the things that I need
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  to do want to do. And for Wendy independent, and for Wendy,
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  I think it's about value where she doesn't want she doesn't want to just be
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  valued for being at home. She wants to be valued for a lot more
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  than that, and that's part of why she. I think she's been so
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  such work. But if if I were out of work, and at the
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  times when I was out of work, yeah, it wasn't long, you
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  know, and I went I went out and got them. But yeah,
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  for a guy, when you're out of work and your wife is working,
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  you feel like you definitely need to step up. Now, I took that
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  as a kick in the butt, let's go do something we need to get
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  done. But I can understand why some men might not see it that way.
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  So interesting, whereas I don't think it's the same for women. Yeah,
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  this was an interesting study to me because I don't It just confuses me
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  how how they would both want Yeah, yeah, that part doesn't make sense.
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  That seems that seems mutually destructive. Yeah, exactly. If you like
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  to ask our American Mama a question, go to our website American Ground Radio
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  dot com, slash mama and click on the ask the Mama button. Turn
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  out of ville. Thank you so much, Thank you. Keep your ear
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  to the ground. American Ground Radio with Lewis r Abalone and Stephen Farr