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Transcript

47 | Throw the Whole Man Out · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Listen, gang.
• 0:01
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna need everyone to like I'm gonna need everyone to like lean in.
• 0:05
  Eric: I've been through a trauma.
• 0:09
  Eric: It's so fucking funny though.
• 0:11
  Eric: Is it?
• 0:12
  Eric: Yeah, is it?
• 0:14
  Eric: It's pretty funny.
• 0:15
  Eric: Uh so for those of you not in the know, about four days ago, we recorded an episode live on YouTube with our good friend Andy Rawlings.
• 0:26
  Matt: And that episode will be uh episode 48, and it will also, when it drops in your your pod chaser of podcatcher of choice, it will also be available on YouTube in video form.
• 0:40
  Matt: It's gonna chim chiminy chruol.
• 0:46
  Eric: Very good.
• 0:49
  Eric: Speaking of fires, um me, Matt, and Andy got together to run do like a test drive of the streaming of the streaming technology.
• 1:04
  Eric: Yeah, what what time is like a like 10 or 11 o'clock Andy's time when we got together?
• 1:09
  Matt: By Andy's time, it would have been 10 30 because we met at 5 30.
• 1:12
  Matt: By the English reckoning by the by the Greenwich Mean Time.
• 1:15
  Matt: Greenwich mean time.
• 1:17
  Matt: Um, yes, the it would have been, it would have been um only later, but he was like half an hour late, too.
• 1:24
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:25
  Eric: Okay, cool.
• 1:26
  Eric: Blame him a little bit.
• 1:26
  Eric: No, that's cool.
• 1:27
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 1:28
  Matt: I'm saying it so it was like 11 p.m.
• 1:30
  Matt: for him.
• 1:30
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 1:31
  Eric: So we finally get everything settled.
• 1:33
  Eric: We are ready to terrible introduction to this story.
• 1:36
  Eric: Andy's in like figured his stuff out.
• 1:38
  Eric: He's in the waiting room.
• 1:40
  Eric: Please let me in.
• 1:41
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh, chaps.
• 1:43
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:44
  Eric: And then I just hear a fucking and I just see this look on Matt's face.
• 1:52
  Eric: He like, not of concern.
• 1:54
  Eric: A fire alarm is starts blasting, and he this man does he could not couldn't be less concerned.
• 2:00
  Eric: Be fucked to give a damn about this fire alarm.
• 2:04
  Matt: The only emotion I felt was rage.
• 2:06
  Eric: Rage and just the just the right amount of resignation.
• 2:10
  Matt: And and this is where I I think I better tap in, Eric.
• 2:13
  Eric: Tap in, tap in, tap in.
• 2:14
  Matt: You see, let him speak.
• 2:17
  Matt: You see, dear listeners, I was unconcerned about the fire alarm be going off because there was no fire.
• 2:25
  Matt: And you want to know how I know there was no fire?
• 2:28
  Matt: Because the fire alarm in my apartment building has gone off in the last month, it has gone off minimum, minimum, once a week.
• 2:42
  Matt: Once a week.
• 2:43
  Matt: And on one of those occasions, it went off twice in within 45 minutes of each other, and that was at night.
• 2:51
  Matt: And another time it went off at two o'clock in the fucking morning, okay?
• 2:56
  Matt: I was awokened, I was awakened and awoken by the the bang, bang, bang.
• 3:03
  Eric: And then it is not uh it I mean it's a fire alarm.
• 3:06
  Eric: Fire alarms suck to hear in general, but this one was like is it's especially vicious.
• 3:11
  Matt: It is to the point that most tenants of this building are no longer even bothering to go outside.
• 3:19
  Eric: They don't leave the building.
• 3:21
  Matt: Because they know it's fake.
• 3:23
  Matt: And while I know it's fake too, how do you take that chance?
• 3:29
  Matt: Is my is my thought.
• 3:31
  Matt: The most mad.
• 3:32
  Matt: Eric's laughing at me.
• 3:33
  Eric: I I like full disclosure.
• 3:36
  Eric: I could have burned to death.
• 3:38
  Eric: No, no, I'm laughing because as much as I want to judge the shit out of your neighbors who stayed inside, I am them.
• 3:46
  Eric: After a certain point, I just go, you know, unless I start smelling smoke, unless I see, unless I see Dalmatians and like firemans with big like, unless I see the fireman riding the fire hose because they turn the pressure on too soon and it's like whipping them around in the air.
• 4:02
  Eric: And it turns out that fireman is one of the little rascals.
• 4:05
  Eric: At that point, okay, I'm leaving the building.
• 4:09
  Matt: But until then, and here's the thing, here's the thing.
• 4:14
  Matt: Forget the Dalmatians, these firemen that show up don't even have their gear on.
• 4:20
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 4:21
  Eric: The firemen are so pissed.
• 4:23
  Eric: They're walking out in polos and t-shirts.
• 4:26
  Eric: And I know this because, gang, you would think Matt would get off, like, get off.
• 4:30
  Eric: Matt didn't get off the zoom call.
• 4:32
  Eric: He just switched to his fucking phone.
• 4:33
  Eric: I just switched to my phone.
• 4:34
  Eric: I just switched to his phone and he's giving us the live updates.
• 4:37
  Eric: He's our man on the ground in the parking lot of this complex.
• 4:42
  Eric: He's showing us the fire truck rolling up, fucking neighbors just standing around pissed.
• 4:47
  Eric: Lindsay Barr, his wife, looking resplendent and also pissed in this parking lot with him.
• 4:54
  Eric: And you know what I'm not showing you?
• 4:55
  Eric: Smoke.
• 4:56
  Eric: Fire.
• 4:57
  Matt: Flames, destruction, nothing.
• 5:00
  Matt: None of that.
• 5:01
  Matt: A lot of bad vibes.
• 5:02
  Matt: But what we what I did get to see, this was new.
• 5:04
  Matt: There was a gentleman who decided to fix his car while this was happening.
• 5:10
  Matt: He pops the hood to like a to like a 1989 Seville and just starts going to town.
• 5:17
  Matt: Just starts going to town.
• 5:18
  Matt: He's going to town long enough that he closes the hood, gets in, and drives away.
• 5:27
  Matt: He just leaves.
• 5:29
  Matt: He said, I haven't fixed this car in seven years, but I got some time right now to get out of here.
• 5:36
  Eric: Alarm so annoying.
• 5:37
  Eric: You get off your ass, fix your fucking transmission, and leave.
• 5:42
  Eric: He's he was out of there, never to be seen again.
• 5:46
  Eric: In the parking lot, no lie for at least 50 minutes.
• 5:50
  Eric: Like what me and Andy, me and Andy are just catching up on life shit, fucking event of meanwhile, I have been through it.
• 5:59
  Matt: This is this is old hat at this point.
• 6:01
  Matt: And let me tell you something.
• 6:03
  Matt: I have been trying to post an anonymous Google review of my apartment complex and it for weeks now because of these fire alarms and other issues.
• 6:13
  Matt: And they will because our leasing office doesn't tell us anything.
• 6:19
  Matt: They don't tell us why the apart the fire alarm's going off.
• 6:22
  Matt: The only details I got is because one time I marched right up to the fireman.
• 6:26
  Matt: And I said, no, no, you talk to me first.
• 6:29
  Matt: Matt Shea on the bean.
• 6:32
  Matt: You want to put out a fire, you're gonna start with me.
• 6:39
  Eric: Because Matt is in his like jean, like fucking pajim jams and a t-shirt.
• 6:46
  Matt: Hell hath no fury.
• 6:49
  Matt: Like Matt Shea on the fourth fire alarm with no explanation as to why I'm outside in flip-flops.
• 6:59
  Eric: I'm just imagining like looking down over your glasses at the fireman, going, you know, can someone care to explain?
• 7:07
  Matt: Sonny boy, come over here.
• 7:09
  Matt: And in doing so, I found out that one of the firemen lives in the building.
• 7:15
  Matt: How could I possibly make that up?
• 7:17
  Matt: It's to the point that I am actively expecting it to go out off during this recording right now.
• 7:25
  Matt: It could go off at the the rule is the rule Lindsay and I have to live by is that at any point, at any point of any hour, the fire alarm could go off.
• 7:36
  Eric: I mean, dance like nobody's watching.
• 7:38
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 7:39
  Eric: Like this is kind of your living.
• 7:41
  Matt: No, what the fuck does that mean in this context?
• 7:45
  Matt: Everyone's watching.
• 7:46
  Eric: Fucking.
• 7:49
  Eric: Look, do you think the other firemans give that fireman what lives in your apartment complex?
• 7:55
  Eric: Do you think they give him shit?
• 7:56
  Eric: You think they raz him?
• 7:57
  Matt: You know what?
• 7:58
  Matt: He's just doing, he's trying.
• 8:00
  Matt: You know, he's also frustrated by the situation, and the answer is yes.
• 8:04
  Matt: I mean, you got to, right?
• 8:06
  Matt: You got you got to.
• 8:07
  Matt: You got to raz him a little bit because who's rushing down the fire pole for that?
• 8:11
  Matt: Do they still have fire poles?
• 8:12
  Matt: They still have firepoles, they must.
• 8:14
  Eric: They gotta have fire poles.
• 8:15
  Eric: How do you go down the field?
• 8:17
  Matt: That what a brilliant idea that was, the first person was like.
• 8:21
  Eric: How how do you think he expected him to like bite?
• 8:25
  Eric: Like, do you think it was like a joke in a meeting?
• 8:27
  Matt: Where it's like I got an idea for how we could get out real fast.
• 8:31
  Eric: A stick.
• 8:32
  Matt: What if we just went down a greasy pole?
• 8:35
  Eric: And like a really gre like a a a hazardously lubed.
• 8:40
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, it's like a six-story building, but there's just a fucking hole going all the way down it.
• 8:46
  Matt: And then somebody was like, Simpson, you're a genius.
• 8:51
  Matt: Anyway, this has gone off the rails.
• 8:53
  Matt: The point is, I'm in danger.
• 8:54
  Matt: And by danger, I mean uh not from flames, but from an aneurysm.
• 9:03
  Eric: Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you.
• 9:06
  Eric: So we're gonna have a great time at the live show.
• 9:09
  Eric: I hope we do.
• 9:10
  Eric: By this point, it's already happened, so.
• 9:12
  Eric: I bet it fucking ruled.
• 9:14
  Eric: I bet it ruled.
• 9:15
  Eric: I bet it was fire.
• 9:16
  Eric: Well.
• 9:17
  Matt: Oh, you why would you put that in the universe?
• 9:36
  Matt: Well, hello there, and welcome to You Didn't Ask For This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 9:44
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shea.
• 9:46
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 9:48
  Matt: Eric Poach, welcome.
• 9:49
  Matt: How are you today?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just, you know.
• 9:55
  Matt: You know.
• 9:56
  Matt: You know.
• 9:56
  Matt: Indeed, indeed.
• 9:58
  Matt: And if you did join us for the live show on Monday, you get a sort of a double dose of Yadaf this week in reverse order, because that's episode 48.
• 10:09
  Matt: But this, this is episode 47 of this year podcast.
• 10:14
  Eric: We're in heaven, baby.
• 10:16
  Matt: We are barreling towards our 50th episode, and we have quite the treat planned for you for episode for episode 50.
• 10:26
  Matt: And uh next episode, episode 48, the live episode, we will be taste testing British biscuits in a definitive re-ranking of uh uh a list from uh Dave, I believe it was.
• 10:41
  Eric: Oh, Dave, we're gonna we're gonna fuck your life up.
• 10:44
  Matt: Just so you know, that is that is some sort of organization that I was previously unfamiliar with.
• 10:48
  Matt: It's not just some guy named Dave.
• 10:50
  Eric: Oh, it's like the hold on, like the Absolutely brilliant department absolute vehicular emissions.
• 10:59
  Eric: I don't know why they're on why they're ranking biscuits.
• 11:04
  Matt: Yeah, um I don't know either, Eric.
• 11:07
  Matt: I don't know either.
• 11:08
  Eric: Okay.
• 11:09
  Matt: But I'm proud of you.
• 11:10
  Matt: Department Oh, a second time a second try.
• 11:13
  Matt: Okay.
• 11:14
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 11:16
  Matt: Department, you got that down.
• 11:18
  Matt: Department 8, voraciously enterprise.
• 11:23
  Matt: Department 8 voraciously enterprise.
• 11:27
  Eric: I didn't say they were fucking smart.
• 11:29
  Eric: They're super dumb if that's a good idea.
• 11:30
  Eric: That's Eric, that's not an acronym.
• 11:32
  Eric: That's just word.
• 11:33
  Eric: Those are just words.
• 11:34
  Eric: I know.
• 11:34
  Eric: Take it up with them.
• 11:35
  Eric: They're they're the idiots here.
• 11:38
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely they are.
• 11:40
  Matt: You're absolutely right.
• 11:41
  Matt: All right.
• 11:42
  Matt: Oh man.
• 11:42
  Matt: Eric, I do feel as though we have a bit of a packed show today.
• 11:46
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 11:47
  Matt: Got some burning questions.
• 11:49
  Matt: Should we jump right in?
• 11:51
  Matt: We we shall, especially after the last episode featured Nary a question.
• 11:55
  Matt: Or well, actually, what I'm sorry.
• 11:58
  Matt: I'm sorry, I'm already ahead.
• 12:00
  Matt: What I said is the last episode is in fact the next episode, but it's already happened.
• 12:05
  Matt: What is time?
• 12:06
  Matt: This is gonna fuck me up the entire time.
• 12:09
  Matt: This is this is an inception moment.
• 12:13
  Eric: This, yes.
• 12:14
  Matt: I'm having my own back to the future moment, but you know, I'm messing up the own timeline, and that's something that the sacred timeline is sacred to me, you understand.
• 12:22
  Eric: Like I now you're just quoting Ocarina of Time.
• 12:25
  Matt: Well, actually, I feel like if anything, it was Loki, but the because the sacred, not not I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to correct this whole situation.
• 12:33
  Matt: I I it's a toxic trait, but I'm gonna have to do it anyway.
• 12:37
  Matt: We don't actually refer we in the back to the future community don't actually refer to it as the sacred timeline as the main timeline.
• 12:44
  Eric: Uh I feel like the first like if there are rules to being in the back to the future community, like do you feel you are in the back to the future community or not?
• 12:52
  Eric: No, uh I honestly I'm gonna be real.
• 12:56
  Eric: I fucking love back to the future.
• 12:57
  Eric: I know objectively, and this is just me trying to be self-aware, I will never love back to the future half as much as you do.
• 13:06
  Eric: I see.
• 13:07
  Eric: And I love back to the future.
• 13:09
  Eric: I fucking love back to the future.
• 13:11
  Eric: I will never love it as much as Matthew Shea.
• 13:14
  Eric: I have never met anyone who loves it as much as you do.
• 13:17
  Matt: That is interesting to me because I do view you as part of the Back to the Future.
• 13:22
  Matt: Okay, I just community.
• 13:24
  Eric: I that's a testament to your level of venerableness here because I will I wasn't considering myself one until you considered me one.
• 13:34
  Eric: Well, I needed your validation.
• 13:36
  Matt: I feel there is a I know I said we needed to move, and then I immediately present presented us with a distraction, but now I have to I have to perform the test.
• 13:44
  Matt: Eric, um what's the best way to say it?
• 13:47
  Matt: Go on.
• 13:48
  Matt: On here's the test.
• 13:50
  Matt: Here's the question.
• 13:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 13:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 13:52
  Matt: At the end of all of our exploring, okay?
• 13:55
  Matt: Yes, which is like timeline eight, I believe we're talking about.
• 13:59
  Matt: On November 12th, 1955, how many DeLoreans are present in Hill Valley?
• 14:06
  Eric: Oh, you have asked me this.
• 14:08
  Eric: All right.
• 14:09
  Eric: This is the test.
• 14:09
  Matt: If you're in the back of the future community, you would know.
• 14:12
  Eric: So I know for a fact, and this is I I know where the clincher is, the one that fucks everything, uh, everyone up.
• 14:19
  Eric: Uh, one, um, okay, November 12th, and that is the night the DeLorean gets struck by lightning, correct?
• 14:26
  Matt: That yes, it is the night of the enchantment under the seed.
• 14:28
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:29
  Eric: Of course.
• 14:30
  Eric: So there is one, the one that Marty is driving, to hit the wire with his little hook.
• 14:39
  Matt: Yes, one might call it the original Delorean.
• 14:41
  Eric: And this is how many are there simultaneously?
• 14:43
  Eric: How like what is simultaneously?
• 14:46
  Matt: I'll give you a hint.
• 14:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:47
  Eric: No, no, don't give me a hint because I'm really proud of the one that I remembered.
• 14:50
  Matt: Okay, well, so there's that one.
• 14:52
  Matt: Okay, all right.
• 14:52
  Matt: That one might say that's the gimme, but anyway, continue.
• 14:55
  Eric: Okay.
• 14:56
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 14:58
  Eric: I'm proud of the one I haven't mentioned yet.
• 15:00
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 15:01
  Matt: Yes.
• 15:02
  Eric: So there is there is Courthouse DeLorean.
• 15:06
  Matt: Courthouse Dean.
• 15:07
  Matt: That's a good way.
• 15:07
  Matt: We'll call it Courthouse DeLorean.
• 15:08
  Eric: Courthouse DeLorean.
• 15:10
  Eric: There is DeLorean that gets struck by lightning while Doc is in it.
• 15:14
  Eric: Correct.
• 15:15
  Eric: There's at this point.
• 15:17
  Eric: Okay, I'm just gonna say the one I'm proud of now.
• 15:18
  Eric: I just want to get out of the way.
• 15:20
  Eric: There is the one buried underground in the mine shaft.
• 15:23
  Eric: Yeah, it's in a mine, but yes.
• 15:25
  Eric: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:26
  Eric: So that's three.
• 15:27
  Eric: That's three.
• 15:28
  Eric: I know there's at least one more.
• 15:30
  Eric: There's one more.
• 15:31
  Eric: There's one more.
• 15:32
  Eric: Hold on.
• 15:33
  Eric: I will, I will, I will give it to the answer is four.
• 15:35
  Matt: It's the concept, it's the uh the the phenomenon of the four DeLoreans, is is what we refer to as so we have courthouse.
• 15:42
  Eric: We have the the flying one that docked.
• 15:45
  Eric: Also, it's clock tower.
• 15:46
  Eric: I mean, it is the courthouse.
• 15:47
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:48
  Eric: Clocktower.
• 15:49
  Eric: Clocktower, uh, docs DeLorean, old ass DeLorean.
• 15:54
  Matt: And the Dox DeLorean, just to clarify, uh, in case people are getting uh confused with your terminology, that would be the DeLorean they came back to with in Back to the Future part two, uh to to correct from the alternate 1985.
• 16:09
  Eric: Yes.
• 16:10
  Eric: And oh, I I you have quizzed me on this before, and I got it.
• 16:16
  Eric: Hold on.
• 16:16
  Eric: There's gotta be.
• 16:21
  Eric: Oh, oh, the one, oh, oh, Biff, Biff, Biff! Biff is in a fucking DeLorean because he takes the Grays Fucking almanac from the field.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, Graysports, almanac.
• 16:34
  Matt: Yes, yes, those are the four DeLoreans there present in Hill Valley for approximately, if memory serves, five hours altogether.
• 16:44
  Matt: Damn, damn.
• 16:46
  Eric: There's also two docks, technically.
• 16:49
  Matt: Uh yes.
• 16:49
  Matt: Well, actually, there are three docks.
• 16:52
  Eric: Yeah, because there's our our timeline dock, 55 doc, and super dead dock.
• 16:58
  Matt: And super dead doc.
• 16:59
  Matt: Very good.
• 17:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:01
  Eric: See, you are a member of the back to the future community.
• 17:04
  Eric: Well, as as the back to the future community says, you know, make like a tree and be kind.
• 17:11
  Eric: You're out of the community.
• 17:13
  Eric: You are you're out of the community.
• 17:15
  Eric: I'm taking it back.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: You sound like a damn fool when you say like a damn fool when you say it wrong.
• 17:21
  Eric: All right.
• 17:22
  Eric: Shall we get into the actual questions?
• 17:24
  Eric: Yes, please.
• 17:25
  Eric: Why don't you read us the first question since I did a shit job of doing it?
• 17:29
  Eric: This comes from our good good friend at Leo J.
• 17:33
  Eric: Allen Jr.
• 17:34
  Eric: on Twitter.
• 17:34
  Eric: That is at Leo J.
• 17:36
  Eric: Allen Jr.
• 17:37
  Eric: on Twitter.
• 17:38
  Eric: Why don't birds poop on the roofs of houses?
• 17:42
  Eric: And in sorry, I'm not doing this question justice.
• 17:44
  Eric: Why don't birds poop on the roofs of houses?
• 17:48
  Matt: There you go.
• 17:49
  Matt: And our boy Leo Allen Jr.
• 17:51
  Matt: actually put out this on his YouTube channel, uh, but then submitted said video to us in a bit of cross-self-promotion that I respect.
• 18:02
  Eric: Yes.
• 18:03
  Matt: So go check out his YouTube channel and his Twitter and all his other content.
• 18:08
  Matt: But more importantly, right now, we got to get to the bottom of this question.
• 18:11
  Eric: Yeah, Leo, game recognize game, but let's let's get into it.
• 18:14
  Matt: Because he's right.
• 18:15
  Matt: He's absolutely right.
• 18:17
  Matt: When you as soon as he I saw this question, I thought, you know what?
• 18:21
  Matt: Nowhere I never see poop.
• 18:23
  Eric: They don't poop on the roofs of houses.
• 18:24
  Eric: They don't poop on the roofs of houses.
• 18:26
  Eric: And a suspect.
• 18:29
  Eric: Very, very suspect.
• 18:31
  Eric: I don't like that.
• 18:32
  Eric: No.
• 18:32
  Eric: Here, here's my here, here's my just right off the fucking, like this is right off the top.
• 18:38
  Eric: Give it to me.
• 18:39
  Eric: Uh, too easy.
• 18:40
  Eric: Too easy.
• 18:41
  Eric: Too easy.
• 18:41
  Eric: Matt, let me ask you something.
• 18:43
  Eric: Please.
• 18:43
  Eric: You're you're you're a a red-blooded American who stands while urinating.
• 18:49
  Matt: Most of the time.
• 18:50
  Matt: I actually don't like it.
• 18:52
  Matt: You know what?
• 18:52
  Matt: I'm I will come out against this toxic masculinity.
• 18:55
  Matt: Go on.
• 18:56
  Matt: I I didn't mention anything about being a fucking dude.
• 18:58
  Eric: I just said you stand while peeing.
• 19:00
  Matt: You know what?
• 19:01
  Matt: That's fair.
• 19:01
  Eric: That's fair.
• 19:02
  Eric: I just want to be clear.
• 19:03
  Matt: I I believe I have come out against urinals on this podcast already.
• 19:07
  Matt: I am anti-urinal.
• 19:08
  Matt: I don't use them because of the incident at the truck stop.
• 19:11
  Matt: I know you don't remember our conversations, so I don't expect you to remember the story, but the listeners will.
• 19:16
  Eric: The listeners will.
• 19:17
  Eric: I do remember you having trauma.
• 19:19
  Eric: You have trauma surrounding public bathrooms.
• 19:21
  Eric: You hate public bathrooms.
• 19:22
  Eric: Just they are your they are the anti-mat chamber.
• 19:24
  Eric: You could have ended it at I have trauma.
• 19:27
  Eric: Guess you call it anti-matter.
• 19:29
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 19:30
  Matt: So no, I do.
• 19:32
  Matt: I'll be honest.
• 19:33
  Matt: I do I probably do most of my sit and pee and down.
• 19:35
  Eric: But Matt, have you ever, and this this goes out to everyone who stands when they pee.
• 19:40
  Eric: You ever do that thing where like you're you're peeing while standing, midstream, you spit and try to hit your pee stream with your spit.
• 19:49
  Eric: You have to have done this.
• 19:50
  Eric: I I have done this.
• 19:52
  Eric: I know you have done this.
• 19:54
  Eric: I have anyone who has ever been on two feet standing while peeing has attempted this.
• 20:00
  Matt: Yes, I've done it.
• 20:01
  Matt: That's what that's where I'm coming from.
• 20:03
  Matt: I've also attempted the passage, the pass-through.
• 20:06
  Matt: The pass, the pass-through.
• 20:08
  Matt: I'm pretty sure I that's when you're peeing and then you do the spit thing, but you stop peeing long enough for the spit to go by.
• 20:14
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 20:15
  Eric: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 20:16
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:16
  Eric: You gotta pay the toll.
• 20:18
  Eric: Yeah, you gotta go through the drawing bridge.
• 20:20
  Matt: Wow, we are really uh serving up quality content today.
• 20:24
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 20:24
  Eric: Uh so that's where I'm coming from.
• 20:27
  Eric: I think for a bird, like them spit on their pee is them looking for unique targets to hit with their dookie.
• 20:35
  Eric: Okay, that was rooftops, too easy.
• 20:37
  Matt: There was so many ways you could have gotten to that point.
• 20:40
  Matt: Oh my god, yes.
• 20:41
  Eric: But like it wasn't the journey we asked for.
• 20:44
  Eric: You know what?
• 20:44
  Eric: You chose the road less traveled.
• 20:46
  Eric: I did.
• 20:47
  Eric: I am like Robert Frost when I describe spitting on my pee-pee.
• 20:54
  Eric: When I when I when I do a little on my pee-pee.
• 20:58
  Eric: Oh man.
• 20:59
  Eric: And to be clear, the pee pee is the pee-pee liquid, not my not my pee.
• 21:03
  Eric: Please stop talking about pee-pee.
• 21:06
  Eric: But anyhow, that's why birds are like, Roof, too fucking easy.
• 21:12
  Eric: They're like, Yeah, I'm gonna hit that statue in the eye.
• 21:15
  Eric: I'm gonna um a poop on that child's forehead, which context-wise, context is crucial to that statement I just made.
• 21:25
  Eric: Before you fucking blow my ass up.
• 21:27
  Matt: I do think you can, I I do think birds in general have a little bit of menace to them.
• 21:35
  Eric: They do the bird, I don't think enough people talk about this in our country.
• 21:41
  Eric: Birds are menacing.
• 21:42
  Matt: For some reason, I think we're gonna get into uh we could be bordering on a certain dicey topic that um for some reason Americans want to talk about.
• 21:52
  Matt: So let me just clarify they are a menace and they also exist.
• 21:58
  Matt: They do exist, which I
• 22:00
  Eric: Is a somewhat controversial take in these things.
• 22:03
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 22:04
  Matt: Like, there is this whole conspiracy thing that I thought was a joke, but people actually think birds aren't real.
• 22:10
  Matt: And that is not the position of this podcast.
• 22:12
  Matt: Let's make that.
• 22:13
  Eric: No, not at all, Wing.
• 22:14
  Matt: But it is the position of this podcast, I think, that they are uh menacing.
• 22:20
  Eric: That they are they are a menace.
• 22:22
  Eric: They are mischievous.
• 22:24
  Eric: We're they're they're mischief makers, they're ne'er do wells.
• 22:28
  Eric: They don't have to shit on people's heads.
• 22:31
  Eric: They don't have to.
• 22:32
  Eric: No, they absolutely choose to.
• 22:34
  Eric: That is one hundred percentage.
• 22:36
  Eric: If a bird has ever went doo-doo number two two on your head, it was intentional.
• 22:43
  Eric: They did mean to do it, and you should take it personally.
• 22:46
  Matt: And that video from many a year ago uh of the the bird poop falling ever so perfectly on the vanilla ice cream cone.
• 22:57
  Matt: That that that was intentional.
• 23:00
  Eric: That was intentional.
• 23:01
  Matt: You can't tell me that wasn't intentional.
• 23:03
  Matt: And for that bird, it's like an achievement unlocked, you know?
• 23:07
  Eric: For that bird, it's like when they when they've gone number, it's like when you've gone number two, but then you're like, and then you get up and you're done, but it's like, oh, I have to pee now that I've stand up.
• 23:16
  Eric: And then you like lightsaber slice the dookie in half with your PP.
• 23:20
  Eric: That's what that was for that bird.
• 23:22
  Matt: I think it could be.
• 23:23
  Matt: This also might be the lowest quality of humor we have ever stooped.
• 23:31
  Eric: Feel it.
• 23:31
  Eric: Oh, oh shit, Matt.
• 23:32
  Eric: Oh, I can feel the bottom.
• 23:35
  Eric: I can feel the stepped on a crab.
• 23:38
  Eric: We've reached it.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_04: Let's let's swim back up.
• 23:41
  Eric: We've reached it.
• 23:43
  Eric: I mean, I I feel like not enough people talk.
• 23:45
  Eric: Like, no, clearly, people talk about pooping up.
• 23:47
  Eric: I don't feel like people talk enough about trying to spit on their PP.
• 23:51
  Matt: So you do you no they certainly don't.
• 23:53
  Matt: And you know what?
• 23:54
  Matt: I don't think we need to either.
• 23:55
  Matt: And so the point that I You ever do the trust fall?
• 23:59
  Matt: The trust fall?
• 24:01
  Eric: The trust waterfall?
• 24:03
  Eric: No.
• 24:03
  Eric: That's where your partner is sitting on the toilet and and no.
• 24:08
  Eric: Not my part.
• 24:09
  Eric: You lost it at my partner.
• 24:12
  Eric: I can feel, I don't know where Lindsay is right now, but somewhere she just threw like the most judgmental fucking look.
• 24:21
  Matt: I could see the look on your face.
• 24:24
  Matt: No, I've I I I have suggested such a thing, like jokingly, like, oh, we both need to use the bathroom in this hotel.
• 24:32
  Matt: We're running late, whatever.
• 24:34
  Matt: And be like, well, we could just go at the same time.
• 24:36
  Matt: And she greets me with the most serious and pointed, get the fuck out of here that I ever have heard in my life.
• 24:44
  Matt: Because I think deep down she doesn't know if I'm joking or not, you know?
• 24:48
  Eric: Have you ever both have you I I I okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:51
  Eric: No, that that's that's why it's a trust waterfall.
• 24:55
  Matt: I think she says, if I don't meet this with the severity that I that I possess, this fucking idiot's gonna want to try.
• 25:05
  Eric: If I don't, if I don't nip this in the bud with with the hammer of justice.
• 25:11
  Matt: With the hammer of justice, with absolute discrimination, I I'm not this husband of mine's gonna go, wait a minute, this could be a bit.
• 25:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 25:22
  Eric: Yeah, no, that's fair.
• 25:24
  Eric: And it's mostly So no, the answer's no.
• 25:26
  Eric: Okay.
• 25:26
  Matt: Have you?
• 25:28
  Matt: There we go.
• 25:29
  Matt: There's the answer right there.
• 25:30
  Matt: Wow.
• 25:31
  Matt: No, I have not.
• 25:32
  Matt: I have not.
• 25:32
  Matt: Oh but pause.
• 25:34
  Eric: I will I will say this.
• 25:36
  Eric: I I have on numerous occasions.
• 25:38
  Matt: You're laughing right now.
• 25:39
  Eric: You're trying to move on, Matt, while you're smiling like an idiot idiot boy who is clearly this is this is why it's called the trust waterfall, is because the point is I I have I have asked, I have made the ask just to see just to test the water, just to work test the water, so to speak.
• 26:02
  Matt: We have talked remarkably little about birds.
• 26:06
  Eric: Uh shit's for the birds.
• 26:10
  Eric: Nice, well done.
• 26:11
  Eric: But no, they uh I that's that's my answer to this question, is honestly, is just because it's beneath them.
• 26:17
  Matt: Like they I do think like it is like kind of an open part, literally beneath them.
• 26:23
  Matt: And like they're just flying the whole world's a canvas, you know?
• 26:28
  Eric: Yeah, they have so many options, and you'd have them pick that one.
• 26:31
  Eric: Yeah, when they could be picking a little boy's ice cream, little boy's ice cream, uh a fucking, a fucking like like I don't, I don't fucking know.
• 26:41
  Eric: Trying to like score a basket and like like trying to can you imagine how satisfying it is for a bird when they poop and it goes through the hoop of a basket, nothing, nothing, like nothing but net.
• 26:52
  Eric: Like fucking Doug.
• 26:54
  Matt: But not even net, not even net, just threw it.
• 26:57
  Matt: An accomplishment no one will even know they did, but yet the birds will know.
• 27:02
  Matt: When that bird pooped on that ice cream cone, he was we couldn't hear it, but the birds surrounding the trees were like, oh shit, it did Clyde dig it.
• 27:14
  Matt: I think I said Clyde dig it, but that's all right.
• 27:18
  Matt: He did dig it.
• 27:19
  Matt: He did dig it.
• 27:19
  Matt: He dug it.
• 27:20
  Matt: Pooped that shit, son.
• 27:22
  Matt: You know what, Leo J.
• 27:23
  Matt: Allen Jr., that that there you go.
• 27:26
  Matt: There you go.
• 27:27
  Matt: There it goes.
• 27:27
  Matt: It's too easy.
• 27:28
  Matt: It's the low-hanging fruit, as it were, and uh, we appreciate you and we appreciate your question.
• 27:35
  Matt: Born to shit, forced to wipe.
• 27:36
  Matt: Now, this next question, Eric, comes to us from our good friends at effing cultured on Twitter.
• 27:48
  Matt: Well, well who do not what the cat done And it's funny you should mention cats because effing effing cultured question uh pertains to dogs.
• 28:01
  Matt: In a world where dogs play poker, what breed would be the dealer?
• 28:07
  Matt: Who's the poker bro going all in first hand?
• 28:12
  Matt: What breed is best at bluffing?
• 28:15
  Matt: Who's the doggy version of Phil Helmouth and Daniel Negruno?
• 28:21
  Matt: Negrino Negrino Negruno Daniel Who wins who wins the World Series of Doggy Poker?
• 28:32
  Matt: This has kept me up at night.
• 28:35
  Matt: Me being them called Effing cultured.
• 28:38
  Eric: Can I just say y'all are like effing cultured?
• 28:42
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 28:43
  Eric: Like this is qual this is top qual this is like S tier question.
• 28:50
  Matt: Absolutely it is.
• 28:51
  Matt: This is beautiful, it is and it is pressing.
• 28:55
  Matt: Uh it it is both pressing and least pressing, I feel okay.
• 28:59
  Matt: Well, so they they basically want to know all the roles of doggy poker, similar to a previous episode where we talked about the road trip functionality or roles of the road trip.
• 29:10
  Matt: Um so who would be the dealer?
• 29:12
  Eric: I'm gonna say this right now, right off the bat, Saint Bernard.
• 29:14
  Matt: Come in strong.
• 29:15
  Eric: Saint Bernard.
• 29:16
  Eric: Saint Bernard.
• 29:17
  Eric: Saint Bernard is the dealer.
• 29:19
  Eric: St.
• 29:19
  Eric: Bernard is the dealer.
• 29:20
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 29:21
  Eric: He's wearing the little barrel around his neck, except that dispenses cards.
• 29:25
  Eric: That's like his little card shuffler.
• 29:27
  Eric: And like, and then he's like, the Saint Bernard is not gonna be like not know that I agree.
• 29:33
  Eric: I think is the best way of saying I don't agree is I do not know if I agree.
• 29:40
  Matt: I do not know if I agree.
• 29:41
  Matt: All right, who I do not know if I agree.
• 29:43
  Eric: All right, hit me with it.
• 29:43
  Eric: Hit me with it.
• 29:44
  Matt: I think the Saint Bernard is at the table for sure 100%.
• 29:49
  Matt: If he is not at the table, we riot.
• 29:52
  Matt: He's at the table, but I the the Saint Bernard to me is a is a candidate for who's the best at bluffing.
• 29:59
  Matt: Oh, because that face that face is given away nothing.
• 30:01
  Eric: That face gives away fucking nothing.
• 30:04
  Matt: Okay, so who do you vote?
• 30:05
  Matt: Actually, the I another candidate for the bluff is is I think the bulldog.
• 30:10
  Matt: The bulldog is good.
• 30:13
  Matt: But we're talking about the dealer.
• 30:15
  Matt: Talking about the dealer.
• 30:16
  Matt: And for this reason, I'm gonna put out the Jack Russell Terrier.
• 30:20
  Matt: Ooh, that's good.
• 30:22
  Matt: The Jack Russell Terrier, he's basically already wearing a vest.
• 30:26
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:29
  Eric: He's got Jack Russell Terriers have big, oh, he works here energy.
• 30:34
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 30:35
  Matt: They do, and they they have that sort of energy.
• 30:38
  Matt: What I like about uh, you know, they're a short king, you know?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 30:42
  Matt: They you know, they come in, they don't they're not aware of their size.
• 30:47
  Matt: No is I think a universal trait of the Jack Russell.
• 30:50
  Matt: They don't need to be.
• 30:51
  Matt: And they don't need to be, they come in with authority because need I remind you that the greatest actor of our generation was a Jack Russell.
• 31:03
  Matt: Wishbone, Eric.
• 31:04
  Matt: We're talking about yes, 100%.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, how many times can I be insulted one?
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_04: Boone.
• 31:15
  Eric: Boone.
• 31:16
  Eric: No, yeah, like they demand they they they don't demand uh respect.
• 31:23
  Eric: That is that is a consequence of what they do demand.
• 31:25
  Eric: They demand everyone come to this be professional.
• 31:28
  Eric: They're like they demand standards.
• 31:30
  Eric: They demanded standards, they have fucking standards.
• 31:33
  Matt: And you know what?
• 31:34
  Matt: They can look at you with this with those kind but pointed eyes that say, I'm disappointed in you.
• 31:42
  Matt: And your behavior.
• 31:42
  Eric: Is this the way you wanted to be?
• 31:43
  Eric: This is the way you wanted to be.
• 31:45
  Matt: You woke up today and you thought this is the kind of boy I want to be.
• 31:49
  Matt: Interesting.
• 31:50
  Eric: Fascinating.
• 31:50
  Matt: You know who would be I love them to death.
• 31:52
  Matt: You know who'd be a terrible bluffer?
• 31:54
  Matt: Who?
• 31:54
  Matt: A lab.
• 31:55
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 31:56
  Eric: That's how that's actually my vote.
• 31:59
  Eric: Golden Retriever or lab is my vote for the one who goes all in every fucking single time.
• 32:05
  Eric: Like, does has has so you no chill.
• 32:11
  Matt: Okay, no chill.
• 32:12
  Matt: So you view the going all in as like a I don't know how to play poker kind of thing, and that's why you're giving it to the dopieron.
• 32:19
  Eric: Pretty much like when I heard the words poker bro, I'm like going all in firsthand.
• 32:25
  Eric: Yeah, they're counting on their charisma to like be there like all in, what the fuck you got you guys got to fuck to say about it?
• 32:32
  Eric: Bark bark.
• 32:33
  Eric: I don't know that that is that is some like big A-type personality golden retriever lab shit.
• 32:41
  Matt: It is, but I don't think it's got the right, it has the it has the wild abandon of a of a lab, but it doesn't have the attitude of fuck you that I think going all in on the first hand has.
• 32:55
  Matt: Then let me hit you with this husky.
• 32:57
  Matt: A husky is a good is a better candidate for sure.
• 33:02
  Matt: I like a husky because a husky has the attitude at all times of not at all times.
• 33:08
  Matt: It it's a bit of a propaganda that they have it at all times, but they do have, I feel like the energy of the what you re- you want some?
• 33:16
  Eric: They have they have energy of I am I am I am going.
• 33:21
  Eric: Come and get it, come and get it.
• 33:23
  Eric: I am going at all times.
• 33:24
  Eric: Public service announcement Game of Thrones has probably done more harm to huskies than anything.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, because after Game of Thrones, a lot of people bought Huskies.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 33:35
  Eric: Hey gang, spoiler alert about Huskies, unless you have several acres of land, you don't get to own one.
• 33:43
  Matt: Also, they do really they do it's true that they do prefer a colder climate.
• 33:47
  Eric: So they they are working dogs, they need a job, they have so much energy that they must expend at all times.
• 33:54
  Eric: Yeah, they gotta get out of it.
• 33:56
  Eric: You they will run your ass into the ground.
• 33:59
  Eric: You need to like yeah, which is true.
• 34:02
  Matt: It is if you if we're being serious here.
• 34:04
  Matt: It's true of most uh bigger breeds in general that they need the room.
• 34:09
  Eric: But a husky will ruin your life.
• 34:11
  Matt: A husky needs, a husky will tear the walls.
• 34:14
  Eric: Destroy your home because the husky will realize that it is the owner.
• 34:20
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 34:21
  Matt: Thank you for the public service announcement.
• 34:22
  Eric: So that's why it goes all in firsthand.
• 34:25
  Matt: It goes all in, it says, I don't have all night.
• 34:28
  Matt: Challenge me.
• 34:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:29
  Matt: I don't have all night.
• 34:30
  Eric: I came here for a good time, not a long time.
• 34:32
  Matt: I came in here for good time, not a long time.
• 34:35
  Matt: But you know who I think might all right.
• 34:37
  Matt: Let's look at hold on.
• 34:38
  Matt: I gotta look up this Phil Helmuth.
• 34:40
  Matt: I'm afraid I don't know who he is.
• 34:42
  Matt: I might have portrayed that.
• 34:44
  Eric: Computer, Phil Hellmouth and Daniel uh Nagini.
• 34:50
  Matt: Okay, I got Phil Helmuth right here.
• 34:53
  Eric: Okay, that looks like a person with a hat.
• 34:55
  Matt: Yeah, well, he's playing poker.
• 34:56
  Matt: He's a professional poker.
• 34:57
  Matt: Oh, he's playing poker.
• 34:58
  Matt: Okay, so he's got a hat on.
• 34:59
  Eric: Um so who are the celebrities of playing poker, of dog poker?
• 35:03
  Matt: I think looking at this guy, mmm, what do I get from him?
• 35:08
  Matt: What kind of vibes?
• 35:09
  Matt: He's got a bit of a soft-looking face, uh, but he's got he doesn't seem to be a complete poker bro.
• 35:16
  Matt: But again, I don't know this man.
• 35:17
  Matt: I'm just looking at his photos.
• 35:19
  Matt: I'm truly judging a book by its code.
• 35:21
  Eric: What's wild is Sam one of Sam's brothers plays poker like professionally, and like if he were listening to this, he would, he would, he's probably just like spinning in his metaphorical grave.
• 35:30
  Eric: He's still alive.
• 35:31
  Matt: Well, but that you know, that is absolutely fine with me.
• 35:34
  Matt: Um, he probably didn't know about the phenomenon of the Fortalorians.
• 35:38
  Eric: This guy looks pretty cool.
• 35:39
  Eric: This guy looks pretty pretty neat.
• 35:41
  Eric: Looks uh doesn't look uh tricksy.
• 35:44
  Eric: So uh to him I would say I found an older picture of him though.
• 35:47
  Eric: He he looks he looks dead serious in his younger days.
• 35:50
  Matt: I'm gonna say looking at the Phil Helmouth here, I want to say a Beagle.
• 35:59
  Eric: I'll I'll give that Beagle.
• 36:00
  Eric: That's got some Beagle energy to it.
• 36:02
  Matt: I think he's got a Beagle energy to it, and that brings us to Daniel.
• 36:07
  Matt: That brings us to Daniel Negruno.
• 36:09
  Eric: All right, first thing I'm Googling.
• 36:10
  Eric: Oh, I'm just gonna nip this in the bud.
• 36:12
  Eric: I'm gonna look up how to pronounce it.
• 36:14
  Matt: Oh, I know this guy.
• 36:15
  Matt: I've seen him on TikTok.
• 36:18
  Matt: He he's got a mass, he's got one of them masterclasses, this guy.
• 36:22
  Matt: I've seen his ads.
• 36:23
  Matt: Negranau.
• 36:25
  Matt: Negreno.
• 36:26
  Matt: You've seen you've seen his Facebook masterclass ads, this man.
• 36:30
  Matt: Surely.
• 36:31
  Eric: Oh, this guy.
• 36:31
  Eric: Oh, look at this guy.
• 36:32
  Eric: Oddly enough, I'm getting Jack Russell out of him.
• 36:35
  Eric: You're getting Jack Russell out of him?
• 36:36
  Eric: A little bit.
• 36:37
  Eric: I I am getting I'm I'm getting that class of size of dog from him.
• 36:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 36:43
  Matt: I'm getting Maybe he's like a terrier of some kind, maybe.
• 36:47
  Matt: Uh like uh what's the one with the little beard?
• 36:50
  Matt: You know the one I'm talking about?
• 36:51
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 36:52
  Eric: Like a Scottish Terrier.
• 36:53
  Matt: Scottish Terrier.
• 36:55
  Eric: Yeah, Scottish Terrier.
• 36:56
  Eric: I'm getting big Scottish Terrier energy.
• 36:58
  Matt: I think a Scottish Terrier I like for Daniel.
• 37:00
  Eric: So so far at this table, we have The Jack Russell's dealing.
• 37:04
  Eric: Jack Russell's dealing, St.
• 37:06
  Eric: Bernard potentially bluffing.
• 37:07
  Eric: We know he's there.
• 37:08
  Eric: We know he's there.
• 37:09
  Eric: He's playing.
• 37:10
  Eric: We've got we've got a Scottish Terrier, we have a Beagle.
• 37:15
  Matt: We have a lab and you know what I'm gonna say, a lab and a golden retriever, both of whom go all in on the first hand.
• 37:21
  Eric: Okay.
• 37:21
  Eric: Did we oh, so we're just leaving Huskies out to dry.
• 37:25
  Matt: Oh, that's right.
• 37:26
  Matt: I I got my That's why we represent them both.
• 37:28
  Matt: I got all confused, yes.
• 37:29
  Matt: Huskies then separate the container.
• 37:32
  Matt: And because you know what it is that Eric, what you you did it and you didn't even know.
• 37:37
  Matt: The husky goes all in because he's got places to be, he's not messing around.
• 37:42
  Matt: The lab and the golden retriever are like, oh yeah, we're going all in.
• 37:45
  Matt: I'm all about it.
• 37:46
  Matt: I'm all about it.
• 37:46
  Matt: Let's go.
• 37:47
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 37:48
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:48
  Eric: They're like on either side of him going, like, yeah, fuck yes.
• 37:50
  Eric: Yeah, fuck yeah, let's do it.
• 37:52
  Eric: This is what we do.
• 37:52
  Eric: The Saint Bernard is just watching stoically.
• 37:56
  Matt: But then I think I think we've got we've got a player.
• 38:00
  Matt: We've got the we gotta have a sunglasses guy, you know?
• 38:03
  Eric: We gotta have sunglasses guys, we gotta have a sunglasses guys.
• 38:06
  Eric: I think that's where bulldog comes in.
• 38:08
  Matt: I think bulldog and pit bull.
• 38:12
  Matt: Pit bull or bulldog, sunglasses, very sunglasses baseball hat guy in the corner who folds on this all in first hand, folds on the next hand, yeah, and then just hand after hand after hand dominates this board, this table.
• 38:32
  Matt: Just all the chips are sh going over there.
• 38:34
  Eric: Can never fucking read them.
• 38:35
  Matt: I think the fine I think the end product of the world series of doggy poker is a pit bull and a bulldog for sure.
• 38:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 38:44
  Eric: Who wins?
• 38:45
  Eric: I think it's Saint Bernard.
• 38:47
  Matt: Oh, you think he makes it to the end too?
• 38:49
  Eric: I think, I think, yeah, I think he bluffed his way there.
• 38:52
  Eric: Uh yeah, Saint Saint Bernard bluffs his way there.
• 38:55
  Eric: He plays the long game.
• 38:56
  Eric: He plays a very bull.
• 38:59
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:01
  Eric: I'm all in on the I'm all in on this.
• 39:03
  Eric: Yeah, Saint Bernard's the one who was like at the end is is like, you know, oh, you were playing the numbers, you should have been playing me.
• 39:12
  Eric: Nice, Eric.
• 39:13
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 39:14
  Eric: And then like after, and you know, and you know, oh my god, and you know that after the Saint Bernard has taken everyone's chips, like everyone's busted, he just rolls up and just offers them the little barrel around.
• 39:32
  Eric: He's like, Oh, I'm sorry, do you need a sip?
• 39:34
  Eric: Do you need a little bit of this to get back up on your feet again?
• 39:38
  Matt: Can't have none.
• 39:40
  Matt: Can't have none.
• 39:41
  Matt: Can't have none.
• 39:42
  Matt: F and cultured.
• 39:43
  Matt: I I think we've nailed this table, Eric.
• 39:46
  Eric: I feel like we knocked this out of the fucking park.
• 39:48
  Eric: Please tell us how we did it.
• 39:49
  Matt: Put this in a painting, okay?
• 39:52
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 39:53
  Matt: I want this poster on my college dorm.
• 39:56
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 39:56
  Eric: And and you know, just for all the dog owners out there, don't forget there's one, there's one extra special dog there.
• 40:03
  Eric: It's your dog.
• 40:04
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 40:05
  Eric: It's your good dog.
• 40:06
  Eric: They're a very good dog.
• 40:07
  Eric: They're very good dog.
• 40:08
  Eric: They're such good dogs.
• 40:10
  Eric: They're eating snacks at the bar in the background.
• 40:12
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 40:12
  Eric: They're just sitting there monching treats going, Oh, I wonder what's going on over there.
• 40:14
  Eric: I'm such a good dog.
• 40:15
  Eric: They're having a good time.
• 40:16
  Eric: Me and Matt are can we please be the bartenders?
• 40:19
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 40:20
  Eric: He's but like it's all like it's a dog-sized bar.
• 40:23
  Eric: Like we have to lean down to give them little drinks.
• 40:27
  Eric: Absolutely, yes.
• 40:28
  Eric: It'll be so cute.
• 40:29
  Matt: The uh, or we're just kneeling the whole time.
• 40:32
  Eric: We're just kneeling the whole time.
• 40:33
  Eric: Uh, or it's like a sunken bar, so like it's we're still outside.
• 40:38
  Matt: Yes, we're still we're doggy height, but we're standing up straight.
• 40:42
  Eric: We get tips in the form of kisses.
• 40:44
  Matt: Uh, I would work for free.
• 40:46
  Eric: I would work for free.
• 40:50
  Matt: It's got really cute.
• 40:51
  Matt: Eric, should we be we have gotten cute, and in fact, I don't think that's appropriate because our next question's very serious.
• 40:58
  Eric: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 40:59
  Matt: Eric, you want to give it to us?
• 41:00
  Eric: Uh, this comes from at Carissa Ann on Twitter.
• 41:05
  Eric: Thanks, Carissa.
• 41:06
  Matt: It could or could not be related to a certain other Carissa.
• 41:09
  Eric: It is.
• 41:10
  Eric: Who can say?
• 41:11
  Eric: Who can say it is?
• 41:12
  Eric: Look, I've never been one to say all Carissa's look alike.
• 41:16
  unknown: Jesus Christ.
• 41:19
  Eric: Anyway, it's at Carissa Hapfield.
• 41:21
  Eric: Continue.
• 41:22
  Eric: Uh does Jolene even know that Dolly's man says her name in his sleep?
• 41:29
  Eric: Or did she have to find out through song like everyone else?
• 41:33
  Eric: Jolene.
• 41:34
  Eric: Can we just I want to be clear here?
• 41:37
  Eric: This has been my opinion.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_04: Jolene.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_04: Jolene.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_04: I'm begging, please don't take my ma.
• 41:46
  Eric: Now, can we just get this right the fuck out of the way?
• 41:50
  Eric: Jolene, as far as I know and am aware, did nothing wrong.
• 41:57
  Matt: All Jolene has done is fucking existed.
• 42:02
  Matt: All the Jolene's only crime is being a powerful force of nature.
• 42:09
  Eric: A powerful force of nature, a woman being reckoned with.
• 42:13
  Eric: That is all she did.
• 42:16
  Eric: That's it.
• 42:17
  Eric: And and here's the thing.
• 42:19
  Eric: I don't even blame the singer of this song.
• 42:22
  Eric: I don't think she's doing anything wrong.
• 42:25
  Eric: I just think we're all kind of burying the lead here.
• 42:28
  Matt: Now, Eric, I can see you getting worked up.
• 42:31
  Matt: And I before before I let you completely off the leash, I think, perhaps, there could be people in this world, could be, who are unfamiliar with Jolene by Dolly Parton.
• 42:44
  Matt: In case you are not familiar.
• 42:46
  Matt: In case you're not familiar.
• 42:47
  Matt: Do we need- In case you were not aware.
• 42:49
  Matt: Do we need I don't think we need to go through all the lyrics.
• 42:51
  Matt: Surely everyone's heard Jolene.
• 42:52
  Eric: We don't have to go through the lyrics.
• 42:53
  Eric: The short and long of it is Dolly Parton is begging, metaphorically begging Jolene to not say that.
• 43:00
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 43:02
  Matt: Not metaphorically at all.
• 43:04
  Matt: Eric, it's the second line.
• 43:06
  Matt: Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene.
• 43:08
  Matt: I'm begging of you.
• 43:10
  Matt: Please don't take my man.
• 43:11
  Eric: Yeah, but I feel like it's almost like it sounds almost like a prayer to me.
• 43:14
  Eric: It's like, oh, Jolene.
• 43:16
  Eric: Like, like, I don't think she's yelling this on the street at Jolene.
• 43:20
  Eric: I think she's like at night be like, oh, please don't take my man.
• 43:24
  Matt: I I I know, Eric, I think there is sh here's the thing, Eric.
• 43:31
  Eric: Describe to me the scene.
• 43:33
  Eric: I describe to me where everyone is at.
• 43:35
  Eric: Like, are they at the fucking Aldi when Dolly rolls up?
• 43:39
  Eric: Jolene!
• 43:40
  Matt: I don't think Jolene is present for this song.
• 43:44
  Eric: But that's what I'm getting at.
• 43:46
  Matt: This is this is Dolly Parton.
• 43:48
  Matt: Again, the the narrator of the song never gives her uh give never states her name, so we can only assume this is Dolly Parton.
• 43:56
  Eric: National treasure Dolly Parton.
• 43:59
  Matt: Dolly Parton.
• 44:03
  Eric: This is the level Dolly Parton wasn't available for Nick Cage to attempt to steal, so they had to settle for the Declaration of Independence.
• 44:12
  Eric: That is how much of a fucking gift she is to this company.
• 44:15
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 44:16
  Matt: But here's the other thing that I think is overlooked when talking about the raw power that Jolene holds in her hand.
• 44:26
  Matt: She has somehow, whether intentionally or not, I've always thought unintentionally lured away the attention of a man who already has Dolly Parton.
• 44:42
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yes.
• 44:44
  Eric: So like can we just get into how utterly this dude is fucking up?
• 44:49
  Eric: And I do want to tweak your verbiage slightly.
• 44:51
  Eric: Lured implies that she is doing anything here.
• 44:55
  Eric: You're right.
• 44:55
  Eric: I don't mean to imply that.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: And this chuckle fuck who is dating Dolly Parton.
• 45:07
  Eric: Yeah, at the very least.
• 45:09
  Eric: And again, this isn't me trying to compare the two, like Jolene and Dolly Parton.
• 45:14
  Eric: This isn't me trying to go, oh Dolly Parton.
• 45:16
  Eric: No, this is just saying, like, you fucking moron, you boob.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_04: I do you asshole.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_04: You stupid asshole.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_04: You are dating Dolly Parton.
• 45:29
  Matt: And yet, Eric, and yet such is the power of Jolene.
• 45:35
  Matt: Because I don't think Dolly does.
• 45:39
  Matt: I mean, I don't think Jolene does know that Dolly's man says her name in his sleep.
• 45:45
  Matt: Because I don't think Jolene knows this guy's name.
• 45:50
  Matt: Like she might not even have met this man for all we know.
• 45:54
  Eric: None of the from what I get from the lyrics, all she has done is just is just existed.
• 46:00
  Eric: Like the lyrics weren't like, you know, uh Jolene, I won't say again.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_04: Don't slip into my man CMs.
• 46:08
  Matt: Like it's not, it's what a good modern lyric you added.
• 46:12
  Matt: Thank you.
• 46:13
  Eric: But like there's no Jolene ain't ain't trying to start shit with nothing.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_04: She's out here just trying to live her best Jolene life, and Dolly Parton is just trying to use and Dolly, can we just say you deserve so much fucking better than a man who could be dating Dolly Parton?
• 46:34
  Matt: And and Dolly, you deserve better too.
• 46:36
  Matt: But what I'm saying is perhaps, just to be safe, Dolly, maybe you gotta move to a different state.
• 46:43
  Matt: Away from Jolene, a law, away from the power of Jolene.
• 46:47
  Eric: Throw out the whole fucking man.
• 46:49
  Matt: Like throw him out, he's useless.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_04: I was saying, I don't think that's a big thing.
• 46:53
  Matt: Stick a fork in, he's done.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think Jolene or Dolly have to do anything except tell this guy to go kick fucking rock.
• 47:04
  Matt: Here's something that I think maybe has never been considered in the in the dumpster.
• 47:08
  Matt: Perhaps this is something that's never been uh considered in the Jolene universe.
• 47:14
  Matt: But the Jolieverse.
• 47:15
  Matt: The Jolieverse.
• 47:16
  Matt: Perhaps Jolene?
• 47:20
  Matt: Dolly?
• 47:21
  Matt: Perhaps you guys just get together.
• 47:23
  Matt: You know?
• 47:24
  Eric: Maybe that's the fucking matchmade in heaven.
• 47:26
  Matt: Maybe the match made in heaven's been staring us in the face all along.
• 47:30
  Eric: Throw the men out, ladies, throw them out.
• 47:33
  Eric: Like Jolene, the audacity of this man, she will look at Dolly Parton and go, wait, he was he was dating her, and he's like, and then and then but then Dolly Parton rolled up and was like, Hold on, Jolene.
• 47:47
  Eric: And like just her for the first time.
• 47:50
  Matt: She's like, Oh, I get it.
• 47:51
  Matt: Dame Dame Dolly, you need to be Dame Dolly Parton, you need to be the the ending of the distracted boyfriend meme because we all know what happens there.
• 48:04
  Matt: We've got the distracted boyfriend looking at the butt of the other girl, the girl she's with, it's like, uh, but then we all know that those two women get together in the end, kick them into the curb, and Jolene Dolly, stick a fork in them, they're done.
• 48:18
  Matt: Okay, get them out of here.
• 48:20
  Eric: And I'm not even trying to be like, I'm not even trying to be weird, I'm not even trying to be like fucking like, oh yeah, no, I'm just like, throw the whole fucking man out.
• 48:28
  Eric: Realize that men are objectively trash, trash, date each other, be happy, be thrive.
• 48:34
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 48:35
  Eric: Fucking thrive.
• 48:36
  Eric: I want the I want I want the song where Dolly Parton gets to sing about how much she loves waking up on a Saturday morning next to Jolene, making coffee in the kitchen, and just living their best life just while this dude is pulling another double shift at the Aldi because he's a piece of shit.
• 48:50
  Eric: He's a piece of shit.
• 48:51
  Eric: Not to disparage anyone who works at the Aldi.
• 48:53
  Eric: Absolutely not.
• 48:54
  Eric: No, but I feel like I'm gonna have to apologize for so much in this episode.
• 48:58
  Matt: I think you might as well just keep it rolling as an apologize.
• 49:00
  Matt: I'm gonna get out ahead of it now.
• 49:02
  Matt: I don't think Jolene knows Dolly's man is saying her name in his sleep.
• 49:07
  Eric: Because I don't think Jolene has the time of fucking day for this piece of shit.
• 49:10
  Matt: You know how many men this happens to?
• 49:13
  Matt: That's what I'm getting at.
• 49:14
  Matt: Jolene, because we know who this man is with Eric to begin with, we know has to be an absolute babe, but like damn, but not not just that.
• 49:28
  Matt: I mean the the magnetism of this human being to just draw the attention of seemingly anybody walking by in an Aldi.
• 49:38
  Eric: That this is now is no longer the Jolenever, it is the Aldi.
• 49:46
  Eric: Oh man.
• 49:48
  Eric: So no, uh Jolene's not aware.
• 49:51
  Matt: She doesn't know, she doesn't care.
• 49:52
  Eric: Jolene is not responsible for this man's actions.
• 49:55
  Eric: No, Dolly Parton is not responsible for this fucking man.
• 49:58
  Matt: It's time we stop labeling Jolene as a villain.
• 50:03
  Matt: No, fuck no.
• 50:04
  Matt: If anyone does that, go fuck.
• 50:06
  Matt: They can go fuck.
• 50:08
  Matt: They can go fuck.
• 50:09
  Matt: They can go fuck, but not Jolene.
• 50:12
  Eric: But not Jolene or Dolly.
• 50:13
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 50:14
  Eric: Unless, of course, they want to.
• 50:15
  Eric: I don't know.
• 50:15
  Eric: I'm not them.
• 50:16
  Matt: Go fuck this useless man.
• 50:22
  Eric: That should God, that's the tagline for the whole fuck.
• 50:25
  Eric: We've been surging.
• 50:26
  Eric: Go fuck this useless man.
• 50:28
  Matt: Oh man, that I Eric, we're moving and grooving through these questions.
• 50:34
  Matt: Oh, we're just blasting.
• 50:36
  Matt: But but also not because we've been talking for almost an hour already.
• 50:39
  Matt: But the but I think we've answered the question.
• 50:42
  Eric: We've answered the question.
• 50:43
  Eric: God, have we answered the question?
• 50:45
  Matt: Okay.
• 50:45
  Matt: And you know what, Eric?
• 50:46
  Matt: I dare say we have time for just one more because I'm looking at the thought line.
• 50:53
  Matt: And we got ourselves a message, Eric.
• 50:55
  Eric: Oh, penny for your thoughts.
• 50:56
  Matt: And it's been sitting there a minute.
• 50:57
  Matt: So even though we've already done three questions, I feel like maybe we should work it in.
• 51:01
  Matt: What do you think?
• 51:02
  Matt: Oh my god, a fourth question?
• 51:04
  Matt: All right, let's see.
• 51:05
  Matt: Uh this uh this comes from a familiar voice.
• 51:10
  Matt: I'll just play the how about I just play the voicemail.
• 51:13
  Eric: Play play the voice.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maginaric, I deeply apologize.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is give me an extra day to call you my query.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you can finally answer this question.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: This question has paid me to your five.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're driving on the road to the left front tire of your canoe pond.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: How many pancakes does it take to tingle a green doghouse roof?
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: As always, I await your answer with baby breath.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking cases.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know what this is.
• 51:56
  Eric: Alright, you have a shit-eating grin on your face.
• 51:59
  Eric: I do, yeah.
• 52:00
  Eric: What's the bit?
• 52:00
  Eric: Well, that's actually there's a bit here that I'm not getting.
• 52:03
  Matt: Well, that's Zachy D.
• 52:04
  Eric: I mean, as soon as Zachy D, the man for me.
• 52:07
  Eric: Thank you.
• 52:08
  Matt: As soon as I heard the voice, you know.
• 52:10
  Matt: No, Eric, I knew this question a mile away.
• 52:12
  Matt: You didn't he, as he said in junior high you now I heard it slightly differently.
• 52:16
  Matt: I never heard it left front tire.
• 52:19
  Matt: So just in case you missed it.
• 52:20
  Eric: I that's the part that was different.
• 52:22
  Eric: Oh yeah, there were left front tire.
• 52:24
  Matt: Just in case I have always heard this question as you're traveling down the highway and your canoe pops a tire.
• 52:30
  Matt: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
• 52:33
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 52:34
  Matt: Now he added the color green to the doghouse, which could Is that relevant?
• 52:38
  Matt: It could it could be.
• 52:40
  Matt: There is an answer to this question.
• 52:41
  Matt: At least I've always believed.
• 52:43
  Eric: There is an answer.
• 52:44
  Eric: Is is the answer some bullshit like the friends we made along the way or something?
• 52:48
  Eric: No, no.
• 52:48
  Matt: Eric, so is it a gimm?
• 52:50
  Matt: Is this a bit?
• 52:51
  Matt: Alright, so I again I'm surprised I guess this wasn't a thing where you grew up.
• 52:55
  Matt: This was a thing.
• 52:56
  Eric: Was this a Boy Scout thing?
• 52:58
  Matt: Uh it it was a thing that I did that we did do in Boy Scouts.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_04: It was a Boy Scout thing.
• 53:05
  Matt: Well, I don't think exclusively, but uh but it was a big thing for the for the scouts in my troop because it was it w uh it was part of our hazings for new scouts.
• 53:16
  Eric: Oh let okay, let's dateline this fucking hazing rituals in Lancaster Boy Scouts.
• 53:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 53:25
  Matt: So how many young men were murdered for their sash?
• 53:29
  Matt: Hold on a second.
• 53:31
  Matt: All right, so we did have a few lighthearted hazing rituals in scouts.
• 53:39
  Matt: We did, one of which is unrelated to Zachy D's question, but this was one of them.
• 53:46
  Matt: The and if you're interested in the other one, I'm happy to tell you, I think you're gonna enjoy that story.
• 53:50
  Matt: But but there were two very light-hearted ones.
• 53:54
  Matt: The first being we you'd make a new scout make the bug juice.
• 53:59
  Matt: And no matter how they made it, it was wrong.
• 54:03
  Matt: It didn't matter if it was perfect, it's always wrong.
• 54:05
  Matt: Do it again.
• 54:07
  Matt: The other is involving this question if you're traveling down the highway and your canoe pops a tire, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
• 54:16
  Matt: The answer, which they have no way of knowing, but for some reason all of us did, is red because ice cream has no bones.
• 54:25
  Matt: Why?
• 54:26
  Matt: I just told you, Eric.
• 54:28
  Matt: Red because ice cream has no bones.
• 54:30
  Eric: Matthew.
• 54:30
  Matt: Do you need me to repeat the question?
• 54:34
  Matt: If you're traveling down the highway and your canoe pops a tire, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
• 54:43
  Matt: Red because ice cream has no bones.
• 54:45
  Matt: Ice cream has no bones.
• 54:46
  Matt: Do you see?
• 54:46
  Matt: Do you do you get the connection?
• 54:48
  Matt: I do you get the connection?
• 54:50
  Matt: This is what we would do.
• 54:52
  Matt: This is what we do to a new scout.
• 54:53
  Matt: They'd be like, that doesn't make any sense.
• 54:54
  Matt: And we'd be like, uh, okay, dumbass.
• 54:57
  Matt: You don't get it?
• 54:58
  Eric: And just keep and like see how long, like how when would you stop?
• 55:02
  Eric: How long would you have to do that?
• 55:03
  Matt: A long time.
• 55:04
  Matt: And then you'd do the question again and be like, all right, I'm gonna help you out, okay?
• 55:07
  Matt: I'm gonna help you out.
• 55:09
  Matt: You're traveling down the highway.
• 55:16
  Matt: God damn.
• 55:18
  Matt: More and more condescending with it, which everyone was happy to do because everyone was a victim of it at one point.
• 55:25
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 55:26
  Matt: No, that's how shared suffered.
• 55:28
  Matt: So this so anyway, the answer I feel I feel very strongly the answer is red because ice cream has no bones.
• 55:35
  Eric: This is some good, lighthearted mischief.
• 55:37
  Matt: And if you don't understand how it got there, then there's no hope for you.
• 55:43
  Matt: The other hazing rituals are referring to would be the left-handed smoke shifter.
• 55:47
  Eric: Oh, is it kind of like a breastplate stretcher?
• 55:50
  Matt: Yeah, probably.
• 55:51
  Matt: It's the same concept.
• 55:52
  Matt: The uh so you're at the campfire, and at some point you ask the new scout, hey, can you go to the uh uh trailer and get the left-handed smoke shifter?
• 56:01
  Matt: And they would inevitably say, What is a left-handed smoke shifter?
• 56:06
  Matt: Or perhaps what is a smoke shifter?
• 56:09
  Matt: In which case you just be like, like you don't know what a fucking smoke shifter is.
• 56:13
  Matt: You go, and don't get the right-handed one, you know, Ben can't use it.
• 56:17
  Matt: You know, shit like that.
• 56:18
  Matt: And they'd go back and they'd look for a while.
• 56:20
  Matt: They'd come back and you're like, What are you doing?
• 56:23
  Matt: Don't come back here without the left-handed smoke shifter.
• 56:27
  Eric: And smoke shifter sounds just close enough to be like an actual that make maybe I've seen something like that before, and I just didn't know it was called a smoke shifter.
• 56:36
  Eric: Yes.
• 56:36
  Eric: It's close enough to that that it'll fuck you back for a while.
• 56:39
  Matt: That's what's beautiful about it.
• 56:40
  Matt: It's really about it.
• 56:41
  Matt: If and especially if delivered with the appropriate amount of nonchalantness, they'll never suspect.
• 56:49
  Eric: The nonchalant is absolutely critical.
• 56:54
  Matt: Because if an when you are a new scout of 12 and a an an old, wise, venerable 15-year-old is deigning to speak to you and says, Hey, can you uh hey uh Scott, go get the left-handed smoke shifter, will you?
• 57:11
  Matt: What are you gonna do?
• 57:12
  Matt: Admit you don't know what it is?
• 57:14
  Matt: Are you gonna do that?
• 57:16
  Matt: No, no, no, you're just gonna go look.
• 57:19
  Matt: You're gonna go look like a dummy.
• 57:21
  Matt: Maybe, maybe you'll go ask a scout leader what a left-handed smoke shifter is, and then the game is up.
• 57:30
  Matt: But because they'll be like, there is none, they're fucking with you.
• 57:34
  Matt: But and that's no fun.
• 57:36
  Matt: Yeah, they're yeah, they're yeah, we had some good times on the road to being an Eagle Scout.
• 57:40
  Eric: They were like, Look, in exchange for me being able to drink while I'm here, I now I'm no longer allowed to fuck with you.
• 57:47
  Eric: These are the trades.
• 57:48
  Eric: That's the rule.
• 57:49
  Eric: These are the traits.
• 57:50
  Eric: I can drink in the woods now while out on scouting trips, but now I can't fuck with you.
• 57:54
  Matt: Very much frowned upon what Eric's suggesting scout leaders do.
• 57:57
  Eric: Oh, they're they're all hate.
• 57:59
  Matt: I'm I'm not saying it doesn't happen.
• 58:01
  Matt: I'm just saying it's not supposed to.
• 58:04
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:06
  Matt: That's well, that's secret training.
• 58:08
  Matt: I'm just saying there are rules, okay?
• 58:11
  Matt: And uh I am here to in this former senior patrol leader is here to enforce them.
• 58:19
  unknown: God damn you.
• 58:21
  Matt: I am nothing if not consistent.
• 58:23
  Eric: Ain't that the fucking truth, Matthew Shay?
• 58:27
  Matt: Now, Eric.
• 58:29
  Matt: Yes, I think it is time to move on, unless you want to dig into this voicemail more.
• 58:34
  Eric: No, I I I am delighted by this.
• 58:37
  Eric: I'm good.
• 58:37
  Eric: I'm my my cup is full.
• 58:39
  Eric: Eric, we Zachy D, I hope yours is as well.
• 58:41
  Matt: What we need to talk about now is somewhat pressing.
• 58:45
  Matt: This is you can't even really call this a new segment.
• 58:49
  Matt: It's more like a no segment.
• 58:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:54
  Matt: Segment not a segment.
• 58:55
  Matt: You don't wanna I I thought I was teeing you up for a certain tradition there.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_04: Oh fuck.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_04: No segment.
• 59:03
  Matt: There it is.
• 59:04
  Matt: Uh a while a while back, the um I mentioned on this here podcast that I used to do live tweets of playing Oregon Trail on an emulator.
• 59:19
  Matt: And uh what I would do is I would tag friends at random that didn't know I was gonna do this and chronicle our journey on Twitter.
• 59:28
  Matt: And I just so happened to dig up one of those Oregon Trail live tweets.
• 59:36
  Eric: They were a hoot.
• 59:37
  Eric: And Eric, do you do you remember any of any of that?
• 59:40
  Eric: I don't remember shit from the this was over a decade ago.
• 59:45
  Matt: Uh not quite.
• 59:46
  Matt: The the one I'm gonna read to you from is from August 23rd, 2015.
• 59:51
  Matt: And you you okay, you can find all eight years ago.
• 59:54
  Matt: You can find I said not quite.
• 59:55
  Matt: You can find all of these seven years tweets on my Twitter if you're so interested.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: At not that I'm encouraging people to scroll through my old tweets from Oh no, just go on, just go on.
• 1:00:08
  Eric: Dredge them up like they're oysters.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: Uh so you'll find a pearl.
• 1:00:12
  Matt: You'll find a pearl like this one.
• 1:00:14
  Matt: So, Eric, would you like me to take you through the the through the time?
• 1:00:18
  Matt: Take me on back, Maddie.
• 1:00:20
  Matt: I wrote them all as a uh I wrote them all as a journal.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: And this was in this was inspired because I said that this is what your readings of um the uh Canistot Clipper reminded me of.
• 1:00:35
  Eric: So Eric, um, I think maybe it's time I take you back to a simpler time, a better time, Matthew Ye, and I cannot stress this enough.
• 1:00:49
  Eric: Haw, do go on.
• 1:00:51
  Matt: Shall we head west, my friend?
• 1:00:53
  Matt: Giddy up.
• 1:00:54
  Matt: So joining us on the trail on this particular time, and of course, I used all their handles uh at the time, but uh our our friend uh Jamie, our friend Anthony, and our friend, since he submitted so many a question at Alex Cafarakis.
• 1:01:12
  Matt: Uh it's at Kaffamiraculus on Twitter.
• 1:01:16
  Eric: What a good fucking like can we just acknowledge for a second?
• 1:01:20
  Matt: Just fucking so these are the people in my party, and uh I you know what?
• 1:01:27
  Matt: Hold on, let me talk to our producer here for a just a second.
• 1:01:31
  Matt: Hey, uh Fred, can we get some music that that evokes the organ trail?
• 1:01:38
  Eric: Like Western, not country.
• 1:01:42
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:01:43
  Matt: May 1st, 1848.
• 1:01:47
  Matt: The journey begins.
• 1:01:49
  Matt: I pray for luck and for a swift death for our dead weight, Eric Poach.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: Uh, it's all coming back to me now.
• 1:02:01
  Eric: It's all coming back to me now.
• 1:02:03
  Matt: May 2nd, 1848.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: One day on the trail, and our axle has broken.
• 1:02:09
  Matt: I cannot decide if Alex or Eric Poach is to blame.
• 1:02:13
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:02:14
  Matt: May 2nd is my birthday.
• 1:02:16
  Matt: Explains it all.
• 1:02:17
  Matt: Motherfucker.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: May 14th.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: Wagon tongue broken.
• 1:02:22
  Matt: Jamie repaired it with Eric Poach.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: Hopefully with his tongue.
• 1:02:27
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:02:30
  Matt: Now we have an official announcement from the game.
• 1:02:32
  Matt: The river is too deep to ford.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: You lose the following items.
• 1:02:38
  Matt: Oh, we tried to ford the river?
• 1:02:40
  Matt: Six sets of clothing.
• 1:02:42
  Matt: One wagon wheel.
• 1:02:43
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: One wagon axle.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:02:46
  Matt: One wagon tongue.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_04: Damn.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: Two oxen.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Damn, damn.
• 1:02:51
  Matt: And finally, Anthony drowned.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: May 30th, Fort Kearney.
• 1:02:58
  Matt: The loss of Anthony has shook us all.
• 1:03:00
  Matt: None more than Alex, who spent two nights howling at the moon.
• 1:03:05
  Matt: June 12th.
• 1:03:07
  Matt: Alex has broken his leg whilst doing a jig on the planes.
• 1:03:10
  Matt: The fool will receive no aid.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: Just quick question: did you have the option?
• 1:03:17
  Eric: Did you just opt to be like, nah, walk it off?
• 1:03:20
  Matt: Walk to the Oregon Trail nerd.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: June 18th, 1848.
• 1:03:24
  Matt: Time to jig, got time to dig.
• 1:03:25
  Matt: Sorry.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: Chiminy Rock.
• 1:03:27
  Matt: I will not allow my party to talk to anyone.
• 1:03:31
  Matt: We will move swiftly to the west.
• 1:03:34
  Matt: I drive a hard wagon trail.
• 1:03:36
  Matt: God damn right he does.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: Now on June 21st, we came upon Voland.
• 1:03:41
  Matt: The Oregon Trail is no place for games.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: You deserve better than your fate because Voland is but a tombstone that says, Here lies Voland.
• 1:03:53
  Matt: Hey, hey, hey, come out and play.
• 1:03:58
  Matt: That is what was written on his tombstone.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: An official announcement from the game: a thief comes during the night and steals one ox.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: Journal entry.
• 1:04:09
  Matt: July 1st, 1848.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: A thief has stolen my best ox.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: I begged him to take Eric Poach.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: Sadly.
• 1:04:20
  Matt: I was refused.
• 1:04:23
  Matt: A theme is emerging.
• 1:04:26
  Eric: Now it's emerging.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: July 4th, 1848.
• 1:04:29
  Matt: Happy infantry.
• 1:04:31
  Matt: Alex begs for aid for his leg, so I've wrapped it in Eric Poach's current set of clothes.
• 1:04:37
  Matt: We press on.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: July 10th.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Jamie has contracted measles.
• 1:04:45
  Matt: Alex Kafarakis died out of grief.
• 1:04:49
  Matt: I fear I soon will be alone with Eric Poach.
• 1:04:53
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:04:54
  Matt: July 11th.
• 1:04:55
  Matt: Eric spent the night thrashing Alex's body around in grief and has broken his arm.
• 1:05:01
  Matt: The fool, the damned fool!
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_04: Nice.
• 1:05:09
  Matt: July 15th, 1848.
• 1:05:12
  Matt: South Pass reached.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: My crew is either dead or battered.
• 1:05:16
  Matt: We shall rest here one week to recuperate.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: That's right, a vacation.
• 1:05:22
  Matt: You ungrateful travelers.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: Are you like the dad and we're like your family, or is this like we're four buds?
• 1:05:31
  Eric: I will get us to the west.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: But you must listen to me.
• 1:05:36
  Matt: You must heed every warning.
• 1:05:38
  Matt: God, you would have made you would have loved being a wagon driver in the I have read the indifferent stars above.
• 1:05:45
  Eric: Yeah, I know you have.
• 1:05:46
  Matt: An amazing book about the Donner Party that I absolutely recommend to everyone.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: Is that the one where it's journal style too?
• 1:05:52
  Eric: Yeah, it's not journal style, no.
• 1:05:54
  Eric: But it is very America novel that I think was like uh is like a youth novel.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: July twenty-ninth, eighteen forty-eight.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: We have reached the Green River.
• 1:06:05
  Matt: Hey! At twenty feet deep.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: We shall wait for conditions to improve before we attempt to cross.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: That was that was July twenty-ninth.
• 1:06:17
  Matt: And now on August 2nd, the river hasn't drained an inch, and the ferryman wants a mere five dollars for our passage.
• 1:06:25
  Matt: I shall take the bargain.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: August 6th.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: Sadly, Eric Poach has rejoined the party with one rabbit shot 13 times.
• 1:06:38
  Eric: God damn right.
• 1:06:41
  Eric: The fool.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Why am I killed the shit out of that rabbit?
• 1:06:46
  Matt: August 25th, 1848, Eric Poach has used all our ammo.
• 1:06:51
  Matt: So I've traded with a local immigrant for 50 more bullets.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: All it cost was Eric's clothes.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: Am I just walking around naked?
• 1:07:02
  Matt: At this point, yes.
• 1:07:03
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: September 4th.
• 1:07:05
  Matt: Fort Hall reached a triumphant day.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: After resupplying, we shall once again hit the trail.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: One day later, September 5th.
• 1:07:20
  Matt: The fool caught fever the day after leaving Hall.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: I suspect he just wishes to ride in the wagon.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: I did.
• 1:07:29
  Matt: September 6th.
• 1:07:30
  Matt: Having killed a bear, Jamie insists upon wearing its head as a hat.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: That's metal as fuck too.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: I allow it.
• 1:07:38
  Matt: Anything to keep up the morale.
• 1:07:40
  Eric: My naked ass is over here like, can I wear some of the bear?
• 1:07:43
  Eric: And you're like, No! No!
• 1:07:44
  Matt: Quiet, fool! September 10th.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: Jamie has broken his leg.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: I shall give his bear hat to Eric unless his weakness has left him.
• 1:07:55
  Matt: Until his weakness has left him.
• 1:07:57
  Eric: Bear hat and his bear ass, babe.
• 1:07:59
  Matt: Uh, September 29th.
• 1:08:01
  Matt: We made it across the river with no problem.
• 1:08:04
  Matt: I made Eric Poach swim beside it to save weight.
• 1:08:09
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:08:09
  Matt: But unfortunately, he made it too.
• 1:08:13
  unknown: God damn.
• 1:08:14
  Matt: October 9th.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: Jamie has his bear hat back, and we are on the road again.
• 1:08:19
  Matt: Eric has donned a pair of deer ears.
• 1:08:23
  Matt: He was never sent hunting.
• 1:08:26
  Matt: Where the fuck where did he get those?
• 1:08:28
  Eric: Where does he keep finding these?
• 1:08:31
  Matt: This is an official game update, and it's one everybody is familiar with.
• 1:08:36
  Matt: James has dysentery.
• 1:08:39
  Eric: Not Eric, though.
• 1:08:41
  Eric: Not Eric, though.
• 1:08:42
  Matt: October 16th, Fort Boise.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: We shall rest here a few days to allow Jamie's rear to heal.
• 1:08:50
  Matt: Eric Poach has disappeared into the night.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: I've gone feral.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: Lord, I thank thee.
• 1:08:56
  Matt: October 20th, we head out again.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: Eric Poach has returned with a wife and three children.
• 1:09:01
  Matt: What?
• 1:09:02
  Matt: I shall ask no questions.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_04: What?
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_04: What?
• 1:09:06
  Matt: One day later, Eric Poach's newly found family is distracting.
• 1:09:10
  Matt: We've lost the trail and six days.
• 1:09:13
  Matt: And now, an official update from the game.
• 1:09:16
  Matt: Eric is lost.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: We lose a day.
• 1:09:19
  Matt: This is on October 28th.
• 1:09:21
  Matt: I'll be damned.
• 1:09:22
  Matt: If Eric Poach will leave me alone with his brood, I shall find him.
• 1:09:27
  Eric: Someone's gotta raise these fucking kids.
• 1:09:29
  Matt: Also October 28th.
• 1:09:30
  Matt: I found Eric Poach, but his family has disappeared.
• 1:09:34
  Matt: Jamie appears to have slept through the whole thing.
• 1:09:37
  Matt: November 2nd, wagon wheel broken, wagon wheel repaired.
• 1:09:42
  Matt: Nothing will stop us now.
• 1:09:44
  Matt: But Eric, perhaps I spoke too soon.
• 1:09:47
  Eric: No.
• 1:09:47
  Eric: No, I don't like I don't like where this is going.
• 1:09:49
  Matt: Official message from a game from the game.
• 1:09:52
  Matt: A fire in the wagon results in the loss of Oh shit.
• 1:09:56
  Matt: Eight sets of clothing.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 1:09:58
  Matt: One wagon wheel.
• 1:10:00
  Matt: One wagon tongue.
• 1:10:02
  Matt: And a hundred and seventy-five pounds of food.
• 1:10:05
  Eric: Jesus Christ.
• 1:10:06
  Matt: This is not November 7th.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: Eric Poach somehow acquired fireworks.
• 1:10:15
  Matt: He must be supervised at all times.
• 1:10:18
  Matt: November 6th, I somehow went back a day.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: Forced to stop to find food, we've acquired three more bear hats onward.
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_02: November 17th, we head for Fort Walla Walla, 55 miles.
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Pull together, crew.
• 1:10:33
  Matt: Pull together.
• 1:10:35
  Matt: November 20th, we've replaced an ox that died along the way.
• 1:10:40
  Matt: Needless to say, I've donned its head as my winter cap.
• 1:10:44
  Matt: November 25th, we've been sideblined by a blizzard.
• 1:10:49
  Matt: We huddled together in the with the oxen for warmth.
• 1:10:54
  Matt: The one next to Eric Poach killed itself.
• 1:10:57
  Matt: Jesus Christ!
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus Christ!
• 1:11:03
  Matt: November 25th.
• 1:11:04
  Matt: Cholera for Jamie.
• 1:11:06
  Matt: We burn his canteen and press on.
• 1:11:08
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:11:09
  Eric: No wonder we're all directly.
• 1:11:11
  Eric: Ah, he's got cholera.
• 1:11:12
  Eric: The canteen!
• 1:11:14
  Matt: Okay, now we're jumping ahead to December 5th.
• 1:11:17
  Matt: The the Dallas.
• 1:11:18
  Matt: The Dallas Dallas.
• 1:11:20
  Matt: It's like Dulles, but Dallas.
• 1:11:22
  Matt: At long last.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: The home stretches here.
• 1:11:25
  Matt: One way or another, we head for Oregon.
• 1:11:28
  Matt: I am told that the last 100 miles are the toughest.
• 1:11:32
  Matt: Either we climb the mountain or we ride the river.
• 1:11:36
  Matt: With Anthony's death in mind.
• 1:11:38
  Matt: I choose the mountains.
• 1:11:41
  Eric: God help us if I'm wrong.
• 1:11:43
  Eric: I mean, it worked great for Gandalf the Grey.
• 1:11:47
  Eric: What could possibly go wrong?
• 1:11:50
  Matt: December 10th, 1848.
• 1:11:52
  Matt: We're low on food and low on spirits.
• 1:11:55
  Matt: I sent Eric Poach hunting.
• 1:11:57
  Matt: He hasn't been heard from in two days.
• 1:12:02
  Eric: You can't you this entire journey, you just cannot take your eyes off of me for longer than 10 seconds.
• 1:12:08
  Matt: December 14th, the mountain is trying to best me.
• 1:12:12
  Matt: It has claimed two wagon wheels and a tongue.
• 1:12:15
  Matt: I'll crawl to Oregon if I must.
• 1:12:18
  Matt: Uh December 18th, Eric Poach returns naked.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: Naturally, is no memory of where he's been.
• 1:12:25
  Matt: Somehow, he has found that family of his.
• 1:12:31
  Matt: Now, this actually says December 35th, 1848.
• 1:12:36
  Eric: Okay, well it was a different time than that.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: Perhaps perhaps the madness is settling in.
• 1:12:42
  Matt: Jamie has contracted yet another fever.
• 1:12:45
  Matt: He insists we rest.
• 1:12:46
  Matt: I'll give him but a day, but we are slowly freezing to death.
• 1:12:51
  Matt: December 26th, we had a dark Christmas indeed.
• 1:12:55
  Matt: Here at the summit of the mountains.
• 1:12:58
  Matt: We've buried Jamie with his various bear hats.
• 1:13:03
  Matt: Another one down, Eric.
• 1:13:05
  Matt: Another one down.
• 1:13:07
  Eric: Am I the So it's just me and you at this point, right?
• 1:13:09
  Eric: And my family.
• 1:13:10
  Matt: It is now technically me and you.
• 1:13:12
  Matt: God damn, I'm so mad if I don't make it.
• 1:13:15
  Matt: New Year's Eve.
• 1:13:16
  Matt: A blizzard stops us.
• 1:13:18
  Matt: We are low on food and our wagon has broken yet another axle.
• 1:13:22
  Eric: I've spent too much time failing upward to die now.
• 1:13:25
  Matt: Naturally we have no way to repair it, so we wait.
• 1:13:29
  Matt: January 3, 1849.
• 1:13:32
  Matt: I can wait no longer.
• 1:13:33
  Matt: I press for Oregon City.
• 1:13:35
  Matt: Eric Poach's family has abandoned him again.
• 1:13:40
  Matt: We are all we have left, Eric.
• 1:13:43
  Matt: In the end, Eric, it was you and me.
• 1:13:47
  Matt: January 5th, the ghost of Alex haunts me for burying Jamie.
• 1:13:53
  Matt: We shall return for it.
• 1:13:55
  Matt: Damn it all.
• 1:13:56
  Matt: I'm not sure what the problem was with Alex.
• 1:13:59
  Matt: I guess he's upset that we buried him and because his body got thrashed by you.
• 1:14:04
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:14:04
  Eric: I I hmm.
• 1:14:06
  Eric: So, like, we we buried him too properly?
• 1:14:09
  Matt: I guess so.
• 1:14:10
  Matt: Because on January 7th, leaving the wagon, I alone returned for Jamie's body.
• 1:14:16
  Matt: I found him alive and living with Eric Poach's family on the mount.
• 1:14:23
  Matt: The fuck! He stole your family, Eric.
• 1:14:25
  Matt: The fuck! This type of insubordination will not be tolerated.
• 1:14:29
  Matt: In the West, the dead must remain dead.
• 1:14:32
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:14:34
  Eric: We don't.
• 1:14:35
  Eric: No, I don't fucks with that.
• 1:14:36
  Eric: I don't fucks with spirits.
• 1:14:38
  Eric: Zambies.
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_02: I fear Eric Poach's heart won't take such wanton betrayal.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_02: Suffice it to say, I unsheath my hatchet.
• 1:14:50
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 1:14:51
  Matt: And do my duty.
• 1:14:53
  Matt: No.
• 1:14:54
  Matt: January 9th.
• 1:14:55
  Matt: I return to Eric Poach and the wagon with Jamie's treacherous body in tow.
• 1:15:00
  Eric: Oh, okay, yeah.
• 1:15:01
  Matt: I shall never speak of the events on the mount.
• 1:15:05
  Matt: Unclear if I killed your family.
• 1:15:07
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:15:07
  Eric: I kinda like it that way.
• 1:15:09
  Matt: A little bit of a Ooh, did he?
• 1:15:11
  Matt: Diddy, did he?
• 1:15:12
  Matt: Did he do it?
• 1:15:13
  Matt: January 11th, the blizzard has left Eric Poach and I immobile, with just bodies and bullets.
• 1:15:20
  Matt: How long can we live like this?
• 1:15:22
  Matt: January 13th.
• 1:15:24
  Matt: I feel the madness setting in.
• 1:15:26
  Matt: If the snow is too much for the wagon, I shall leave it behind.
• 1:15:30
  Matt: I tether the bodies to Eric Poach, and we press forward on foot.
• 1:15:34
  Matt: I do not leave the bodies, Eric.
• 1:15:37
  Matt: Am I now your ox?
• 1:15:38
  Matt: I am using you, my only living companion, as an ox.
• 1:15:43
  SPEAKER_04: Nice.
• 1:15:44
  Matt: And can you tell me, was I wrong?
• 1:15:47
  unknown: No, no, no.
• 1:15:49
  Matt: January 20th, battered and near death, Eric Poach and I have crossed the Oregon City line, dragging the bodies behind us.
• 1:15:58
  Matt: The people have not greeted us warmly.
• 1:16:02
  Matt: Do they not know the loss?
• 1:16:04
  Matt: We hold a funeral for our dead, alone in the night.
• 1:16:09
  Matt: January 21st, 1859.
• 1:16:14
  Matt: Ten years since we made it to Oregon.
• 1:16:18
  Matt: But at what cost?
• 1:16:20
  Matt: Eric Poach and I sit in our cabin, smoking our pipes, our bear hats, snug on our scalps.
• 1:16:28
  Matt: And so ends this chronicle of Jamie, Alex, Anthony, and Eric Poach and myself.
• 1:16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 1:16:39
  Matt: Until the next Oregon Trail live tweet, which I'm sure there was, but I'm I I didn't dig that one up.
• 1:16:44
  Matt: This is the longest one.
• 1:16:45
  Matt: This is probably the best one.
• 1:16:47
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:16:48
  Eric: Yeah, God.
• 1:16:48
  Eric: I just remember reading this shit in real time at the time.
• 1:16:51
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:16:52
  Matt: Maybe this is some maybe this is live content we can do, Eric.
• 1:16:56
  Matt: We just play Oregon Trail and talk shit about each other.
• 1:16:58
  Matt: Yeah, and maybe I maybe this is an opportunity for for listeners who want us to put the put them on the wagon.
• 1:17:06
  Eric: Oh a little bit of participation.
• 1:17:09
  Eric: Oh, I could immediately call Dibs.
• 1:17:11
  Eric: I call dibs on Zachy D.
• 1:17:13
  unknown: Oh.
• 1:17:13
  Eric: Zachy D's gonna be my wagon.
• 1:17:15
  Matt: Oh, we're are we competing?
• 1:17:18
  Matt: We're competing.
• 1:17:19
  Eric: Yo, we should absolutely compete.
• 1:17:21
  Eric: We should have a race see who gets the furthest.
• 1:17:24
  Matt: Oh, there could be something here.
• 1:17:26
  Matt: There could be something.
• 1:17:27
  Eric: From organ the shit out of this trail.
• 1:17:30
  Matt: This recording has gotten off the trail.
• 1:17:32
  Matt: It's gone off the trail.
• 1:17:34
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:17:34
  Matt: Don't you think?
• 1:17:35
  Matt: Oh, yeah, I'm a little bit.
• 1:17:36
  Matt: Well, Eric, that'll about do it, I think.
• 1:17:39
  Matt: That will about do it.
• 1:17:40
  Matt: That will do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:17:44
  Matt: You certainly didn't ask for that end.
• 1:17:46
  Matt: I hope you enjoyed it.
• 1:17:47
  Matt: If not, you've already listened to it.
• 1:17:50
  Matt: So I can't do anything about that.
• 1:17:53
  Matt: What's left to do?
• 1:17:54
  Matt: Fucking give them the business.
• 1:17:57
  Matt: Well, we need those questions, people.
• 1:17:59
  Matt: We need them desperately.
• 1:18:00
  Matt: So send them over to us wherever you would like to.
• 1:18:03
  Matt: You can do so at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or on any of our various uh uh social media feeds at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:18:12
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:18:15
  Matt: Or if you'd like to leave us a voicemail like Zach E.
• 1:18:18
  Matt: D did here on the thought line, that number would be 410-929-5329.
• 1:18:27
  Matt: Give us your thoughts.
• 1:18:29
  Matt: Give us your thoughts, give us your questions, give us your your local legends, your your uh your your neighborhood watch stories.
• 1:18:37
  Matt: Uh what else, Eric?
• 1:18:39
  SPEAKER_04: Fucking give us give us your local yeah, give us your local legends, give us your fucking just send us whatever.
• 1:18:45
  Eric: You can if Zachy D is like he's dying of loneliness in the thought line.
• 1:18:51
  Eric: Y'all gotta true.
• 1:18:53
  Eric: Y'all gotta someone gotta be in there keeping company.
• 1:18:57
  Eric: Someone drop us some voices.
• 1:18:58
  Eric: You can say pretty much we're still in that wonderful like phase of this show's trajectory where you could just say anything in the thought line.
• 1:19:06
  Eric: We'll probably address it.
• 1:19:07
  Matt: And we'll probably address it.
• 1:19:08
  Matt: Like, now that being said, that being said, Eric, I think that'll about do it for this episode of you didn't ask for this.
• 1:19:16
  Matt: So by all means, drop us some reviews, drop us some stars, we'd appreciate your love if you like the show.
• 1:19:22
  Matt: And thank you.
• 1:19:23
  Matt: I'm gonna assume someone showed up to the live show.
• 1:19:26
  Matt: And if so, thank you for attending.
• 1:19:29
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:19:30
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:19:30
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:19:31
  Matt: Thank, thank, no, like, look at me.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: Look at me.
• 1:19:36
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:19:37
  Matt: Now, again, we are recording this episode like two weeks before the live episode, so we have literally no way to know if anyone showed up at all.
• 1:19:44
  Matt: It could have just been you and me staring at each other, like we are in that cabin.
• 1:19:47
  Eric: Oh, it's gonna be so fucking embarrassing.
• 1:19:49
  Eric: Oh god, I'm gonna throw up.
• 1:19:51
  Matt: Anyway, that'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:19:56
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 1:19:57
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:19:58
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:20:00
  SPEAKER_01: But Jolene, I will promise you that by the time this song is through, the wild will never ever be the same.
• 1:20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Did you transfer to Hey there, Delilah?
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes it is.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Hey there, Jolene.
• 1:20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Something didn't memory.
• 1:20:19
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, how dare you do this?