Latest / Finding New Waters / The Power of Surrender with Nash Redwine

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The Power of Surrender with Nash Redwine · Finding New Waters

0:00
To do 90 meetings, in 90 days. I did.
0:03
So that the 90 meetings in 90 days, I did, I didn't really get
0:09
the whole logic behind it, which is I didn't question it, which
0:14
is good. I mean that I think that's
0:15
important. I think that when you're in when
0:21
you're when you're working in recovery, But a big part of the
0:25
surrender is setting aside your own ideas and your own education
0:32
and your own mindset of what you think is good for you and
0:36
listening to professionals listening to the people that
0:39
you've entrusted your care and well-being to to stab and some
0:43
sometimes that's just a blind faith and a blind trust that you
0:48
say, you know what, I'm not going to question, whether ask
0:50
me do it, I'm just going to do the work.
1:18
Yes, good morning or good afternoon.
1:21
My name is be Reeves. I am the director of admissions
1:24
and Outreach at new Waters recovery.
1:26
In Raleigh, North Carolina. And I'm sitting here today with
1:29
my friend and colleague, Ryan Gerald, who is our continuing
1:33
care coordinator, and really happy to have Nash red wine, who
1:38
was our second client who came on our first day when our doors
1:42
first opened October 5th back in the fall.
1:46
And we're very honored to have him here today.
1:48
And so we just are going to have kind of an open conversation
1:51
about, you know, how we all ended up finding help.
1:55
What life has been like, you know, short version of what it
1:58
was, like what happened and what we're like now.
2:02
And I will just, I'll start with Ryan and just sort of throw it
2:07
over to him about kind of what he does here.
2:09
And then I'll talk for two seconds about what I do and then
2:11
we'll talk to Nash. Absolutely.
2:13
And guys, it's great to see it with you.
2:15
This afternoon and Nash, I just want to let you know, like your
2:17
name, you're like a legend around here.
2:19
Okay. People bring up Nash and it's
2:21
always just for, like, all the positive traits that we want and
2:24
like a former clients, I was like, super excited to meet you.
2:27
Like, when you came out because it just I saw an ash here.
2:30
Nash is doing this? Not just doing this?
2:32
Well, I hope I don't mess things up from here.
2:34
So, yeah, I know you got a lot to live up to your pressure.
2:38
Yes. Right?
2:39
No. Follow-up podcast, guys.
2:40
You guys will know what that means.
2:41
You know. Yes, I'm the continuing care
2:44
coordinator here and and what that means is, I work with
2:48
clients and their families to identify identify the best
2:52
treatment selection, whether it has to do with financial General
2:56
demographic Etc, and I kind of work on the logistical and to
2:59
make sure it's a smooth transfer as possible.
3:02
Cool. And as director of admissions,
3:04
now reached my primary job is being the first first call for
3:08
when a family in crisis, or an individual in crisis, needs
3:12
detox. Sometimes I don't know what they
3:14
need, what they call me and I just say, Hey, listen, no matter
3:17
what I'm going to help you figure it out whether or not
3:19
we're a good fit and in a perfect world will do a bunch of
3:23
kind of paperwork on the front end, what's called a
3:25
pre-admission. And then when there are times,
3:28
I'm also out on the road, talking about our program and
3:31
vetting out others in the process.
3:32
But back to that, pre-admission in a perfect world, we get a
3:36
call. And then when I talked to him
3:37
for 30 45 minutes, make sure that they're a good fit.
3:40
But every now and then we have somebody who just shows up Yep.
3:43
That was the case with Nash, one of my oldest friends.
3:45
I've known my entire life called me and said that he was on his
3:49
way over and he had somebody with him who needed help and
3:52
Nash was our first walk in our second client, ever in our first
3:55
walk in. So we want to talk a little bit
3:57
about that. Yeah, it was absolutely yes.
3:59
So that day was October the 5th of 2022.
4:03
It was a Wednesday and and I had no idea what I was doing.
4:09
I had no idea where I was going and I didn't really care.
4:11
I was in such a position. you know of distress or weakness or
4:19
you know, I don't even I know I surrendered that day but I
4:23
wouldn't say that I felt like that was in that mindset other
4:27
than I just kind of it was it was tough and specifically I
4:32
remember the ride over here because that guy that you were
4:35
mentioning he a my other business partner, we're at my
4:41
house and we were just talking through Opportunities or
4:44
options. And, you know, the one guy said,
4:48
hey, you know, what do you think about going to an AA meeting?
4:51
And I was like, absolutely not and or and I was like, I won't
4:56
do that. I don't, I've felt so horrible
5:00
that I just I couldn't I couldn't conceive going into a
5:03
room of people who were trying to get well and we and we
5:07
decided to take a chance own this facility because we had we
5:11
had heard about it, did the Anger, the potato depending
5:14
opening not knowing anything other than it existed and a
5:19
little bit about what it may do. So, on the way over here, my
5:26
business partner, had called, and left a message be called us
5:30
back and the car. And while we're riding in the
5:35
car, the guy that has been B is known forever.
5:38
He's in the backseat and he says be this is such and such and
5:43
he's like, oh my God, are you the one that's coming in here?
5:48
And that guy said, no, no, it's not me.
5:50
And I said, and then I just when I spoke up and I said no be my
5:53
name is Nash. I'm the one that's coming in and
5:57
we came in pretty hot and the facility had just opened that
6:01
day and probably only a few hours old literally like three
6:05
hours. Yeah.
6:06
And you guys were not taking walk-ins basically as a business
6:10
model for the old, for all the right reasons.
6:12
I'm sure. Sure.
6:14
And and but you were kind of generous and could see the that
6:20
I was obviously in need and You know like like a lot of things
6:25
in my life. I've been very blessed to be in
6:30
the right place at the right time and I don't know how else
6:34
to say other than that and this place was the right place at my
6:39
wrong time. And be told me when I got here.
6:43
He said I know this is going to sound hard to believe or imagine
6:47
but this this is going to be the worst day of your life and the
6:49
best day of your life, maybe the same time.
6:51
And and certainly Lee. I know that now I'm grateful to
6:59
have found my way here and gotten the start that I got and
7:04
in the program of recovery that I meant today and the journey
7:07
that I'm on today. So grateful to be here, I'm
7:10
grateful to be able to give back and offer any kind of Experience
7:15
or advice or whatever for anybody else is out there.
7:19
That may end up watching this some day.
7:21
So, thank you for inviting me. Thank you for having me, and
7:26
thank you for what you guys do. I know.
7:27
It's a tough. It's a tough way to make a
7:29
living. So that's it for now.
7:32
And we'll keep on talking. Yeah man.
7:35
Well, thank you so much for being here and I kind of wanted
7:38
to throw it over to you just about what when he was talking
7:41
to made me think about something that I haven't thought of as
7:43
much Lately. And I used to talk to families
7:46
about this. A lot and feel like we all have
7:49
a finite number of Windows of opportunity to begin our
7:53
recovery and, you know, sounds like in your case, you know, you
7:58
were at kind of a bottom. And, and in that moment, you
8:02
found yourself, you know, at our door and you know, my case is a
8:06
little different but the same. As, you know, I found myself
8:08
into Treatment Center to when I was at a bottom and I don't I
8:12
don't want to find out because I know people People who have had
8:15
several opportunities and to get better, and stay better and some
8:20
people who have not made it to find that other opportunity or
8:23
even had one window of opportunity and just kind of
8:27
from what you see, not only in your work life, but in your
8:31
recovery, life outside of work, like, kind of touch on that, you
8:34
know, these windows of opportunity and being in the
8:36
right place at the right time in order to begin one's recovery.
8:39
Absolutely. And I mean, I think Nash, you
8:41
really hit on like What is so essential like recovery cannot
8:46
begin until a person is ready to seek an answer, right?
8:49
And my experience in like personal recovery was, I had all
8:53
the answers, like, I knew exactly what I needed to do at
8:55
any given point in time. Like I knew, I just needed to
8:58
get a little bit more money. People needed to get off my
9:00
back, other people needed to treat me this that or the other
9:03
way. And when these external life
9:05
circumstances, like kind of lined up, I would be okay.
9:08
And I believe that my internal disarray was due to the fact
9:11
that externally things weren't working out the way that I want.
9:14
It to and, you know, I think when we get in recovery and
9:16
Nash, I think the moment that you spoke about when you wrote
9:18
in is when you realize know, I have to work up on my internal
9:22
self and the external self is going to be what it's going to
9:25
be. That's the ultimate state of
9:26
surrender that people have identified as a key moment in
9:29
recovery for 90-plus years. You know, the issue with that is
9:35
the number of fears, that kind of swim around.
9:37
And well, around in you as you engage in that in that feeling
9:40
of surrender. I definitely personally like, I
9:44
Went to detox. They gave me a bunch of
9:45
suggestions. I took none of them and surprise
9:48
surprise. Guess what happened?
9:49
20, literally 20 minutes from when I discharged from the
9:52
facility, I'm getting messed up again.
9:55
And you know, it was that moment of the second third, fourth day
9:58
on their stack of Bibles polygraph test, I will never use
10:02
again, come seven days and 20 minutes later when I'm left to
10:04
my own devices. And we all know, you know, kind
10:06
of what went on and then that was months, more a chaos.
10:09
So I had personally like I had I had a lot of doors open and a
10:13
lot of doors, close the blessing in my life was that, you know,
10:17
when I wasn't doing the right thing, my family and friends,
10:20
they really weren't there for me, like understandably.
10:22
So, there was nothing wrong with that.
10:23
But when I was ready to get help, they were there.
10:26
Ready to pick me up and Nash. It sounds like that was your
10:29
experience as well. Is that correct?
10:30
Yeah, absolutely. And and they were there, they
10:34
were available and I was and I was honest, I mean, I just made
10:39
it really started with a phone call that morning.
10:41
When I was talking my business partner, he wanted to get
10:43
together. Either the office and go through
10:45
some stuff and I just said look man I can't I can't do it as if
10:48
you want to come here to my house and talk.
10:51
You know. I'll be glad to talk to you.
10:52
I said you know I have a sip but I'm not doing well and he said
10:55
well what's going on? And I said, man, I can't quit
10:57
drinking. And I didn't have.
11:00
I mean the thing about it is is that day I could have said, look
11:03
just leave me alone. I could have said, I need some
11:06
space, need some time, I need whatever I need.
11:09
And I just I needed to be honest at that moment and I was and
11:15
and, and he was already probably aware that things were not
11:20
right. And and luckily enough, I had
11:25
him and some other people in my life that we're paying
11:27
attention, and it will present and Available for when I was
11:31
ready to have an honest conversation about the Frailty
11:33
of the position. I was in.
11:35
They were there and ready to lend a hand.
11:40
Love it. Yeah, just since you're here,
11:43
maybe think too. You know, this is, you know, we
11:46
are a seven day detox and when you came we were, I think only
11:49
five was our minimum then. So, but but, you know, the very,
11:52
very tip of the iceberg. And then you went on to
11:56
residential treatment for 45 days, 40 to 42 days.
12:00
And Ryan's main job is to get people like you to continue
12:04
their treatment, which can prove difficult, right?
12:08
But then, but then even then that Still training wheels at
12:11
some point. That's different for everybody.
12:13
Whether we go to Just detox or you know, treatment for a year
12:17
at some point of the training wheels are off, right?
12:19
And it's time to, you know, do this on our own with the help of
12:22
sponsorship and and you know, a recovery Community but in terms
12:26
of being kind of told what to do every day by a treatment center
12:30
and so kind of tell us what you're doing on a daily basis to
12:34
you know just to stay sober and Serene.
12:37
Yes I'll just I'll just hit very He kind of a my my journey
12:41
through new Waters and then into treatment and what it's been
12:44
like. So yes, if that's okay.
12:46
So came in here, like I said, on a Wednesday October, the 5th and
12:50
really didn't know what I was doing, didn't know what I was
12:52
getting into, but I was just ready for help, whatever, that
12:55
help was glad they handed. Over my telephone, the keys to
12:58
my vehicle, and my wallet. And I said, take it, take it
13:02
all. I'm blessed with a wonderful and
13:05
loving wife and children, and I just kind of I shut the door on
13:10
them and everything else and I was comfortable walking away
13:13
from the world for a while while I just focused on me.
13:19
And you guys were so good that by Saturday a few days later, I
13:24
was convinced that I was well enough that I was going to be
13:28
released from here and sent on, you know, sent on home to start
13:32
going to some type of, you know, outpatient type program.
13:37
In the community if that was this or that or whatever it was
13:40
and I thought, wow, you know, I'm, I'm already doing so much
13:43
better for your four days into this thing and I'm I'm so clear
13:46
and and, and clear-headed and feeling good, that that's what
13:50
they're going to do, but thanks to this program.
13:55
And the people here at the time, they made a very strong
13:57
suggestion, along with the guidance of my family members
14:00
that I needed more treatment. So I went to another facility
14:04
that's and Western North Carolina.
14:07
And spent to six week program there and spent six weeks there
14:14
and that was invaluable as well. I, I know that I would not have.
14:23
Done as well. They're accepting the curriculum
14:28
accepting, the help and treatment there.
14:30
If I didn't have my start here at new Waters and I think that's
14:36
that's big because I think when you're when you're in a
14:41
difficult situation like I was you need some time to just
14:47
decompress and get well, physically and mentally, before
14:50
you start trying to work on greater physical and mental
14:54
challenges of, you know, learning, you know, learning
14:57
this stuff, you need to learn in recovery, you know, it's Is kind
15:03
of heavy material in the fact that it's very introspective or
15:08
self oriented. And it's not an easy topic to to
15:11
work through and it's not an easy time to work through that
15:13
stuff. So, coming into a treatment
15:16
facility for me, that was impatient with a clear head and
15:21
a good start. Like, I got from here was was
15:23
huge. And my willingness and my
15:26
honesty there to work own myself, and to be present with
15:31
the people that were in the program there.
15:33
I know was important and helpful.
15:38
I got out of that facility owned Sunday, November the 20th and
15:42
that was the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
15:45
I could have stayed there longer I could have done some deeper
15:48
diving there and I think that they have a great program to do
15:53
that type of work and I suggest that people if they have the
15:56
time and the financial resources to do it to continue to fall
16:00
through there for me. I was frankly ready to get home.
16:05
It was going to be Thanksgiving that week.
16:07
I felt strong enough in my Foundation of my recovery to
16:13
feel good about leaving there. I felt like coming back to
16:18
Raleigh, where I live and a community where I've got a lot
16:22
of family, and a lot of friends, and I've got a lot of friends in
16:25
recovery. That have been recovered for a
16:27
long, long time. I felt like I was coming back to
16:30
an environment. Where I had a really great
16:34
opportunity to continue the work that was there.
16:37
So I think that's why I felt okay.
16:39
Leaving after six weeks, and I think that's a lot of time to
16:42
get. And I knew I was not, I knew I
16:44
was no. And so, also knew and was firmly
16:47
committed to the fact that I was not finished with my recovery
16:51
and I was just the treatment facility.
16:54
I was in, we called it called it, a running start, mmm, right.
16:59
Mmm, and you knew you were just getting your hitting.
17:02
A lot of different topics and you're only getting two, you
17:05
know, barely to the surface level and you were not doing the
17:08
Deep dive that you need to do to figure out why you're doing what
17:12
you're doing. Mmm.
17:15
So since I've been out, I've been going to meetings with you
17:21
know groups that are in my community to work own.
17:28
Work, own my program of recovery.
17:31
I do that every day. I see a therapist probably once
17:34
a week, unknown regular basis to do 90 meetings, in 90 days.
17:40
I did. So that the 90 meetings in 90
17:43
days, I did, I didn't really get the whole logic behind it, which
17:50
is I didn't question it, which is good.
17:52
I mean that I think that's important.
17:54
I think that when you're in, when you're when you're working
18:00
in recovery, But big part of the surrender is.
18:07
Setting aside your own ideas and your own education and your own
18:11
mindset of what you think is good for you and listening to
18:15
the professionals. Hmm.
18:16
Listening to the people that you've entrusted your care and
18:19
well-being to to stab and some sometimes that's just a blind
18:24
faith and a blind trust that you say, you know what, I'm not
18:28
going to question why they're asked me do it.
18:29
I'm just going to do the work and so I did the 1990 as I was
18:32
suggested and and and and Going through that commitment, you
18:40
understand, pretty quickly, the logic and the genius of doing
18:44
that work, you know? And, and I did more than that.
18:49
If it's one meeting a day and for 90 days, it's not three
18:53
meetings a day than skip. The next couple of days.
18:55
It's 90 meetings, you know, it's a meeting a day for 90 days, is
18:59
kind of a minimum, and I went beyond that there was, you know,
19:02
there was, there was one day when I did, I think one
19:06
therapist, Appointment in three meetings in a given day, so you
19:09
can kind of get wrapped up in it and I don't know how you do too
19:13
much of it, but you know, I certainly gave it a shot.
19:21
So the surrender that got me to to new Waters and then I had to
19:25
surrender again, when I left new Waters with the advice that I go
19:28
somewhere else, it was a really hard pill for me to swallow when
19:31
I thought on that on that Saturday that I thought that I
19:33
was getting a pat on the back and, you know, hey, you're doing
19:37
great. Get back in the community.
19:39
That was a hard. That was really hard thing for
19:41
me to have to accept. Because at that point, I was
19:44
already feeling better, right? And I was starting to exercise
19:48
that old good self-will and that self that self-knowledge.
19:51
College of. Yeah, I'm I think I've got a
19:53
handle on this thing. Yeah, that's something I wanted
19:55
to touch on and talk to you about too.
19:57
Is that we see this a lot. You know.
19:59
You are actually kind of forgot that you like.
20:02
I have this memory of you that you were like oh yeah anything.
20:04
But you did you put up a little bit of a fight.
20:06
I said, hey now wait a minute. Let's talk about this a little
20:10
bit and then and then it really took me about twenty four hours
20:14
a day of reflection and I said, you know what?
20:19
I'm not ready. Yeah, I'm nowhere near They're
20:21
ready. And so, You're willing.
20:26
I was I was willing I wasn't as willing as when I first came in
20:29
here. But that's, that's, that's the
20:30
beauty of surrender. That's the beauty of surrender.
20:33
When I got here, there's the beauty of surrender while I was
20:37
here and the beauty of surrender.
20:38
Once again, when I got to that facility where it was like
20:41
another just another aha moment or another.
20:44
Wow, this is really happening. Yeah, you know it's surreal what
20:49
you're going through, it's heavy stuff, you know.
20:51
And you're and you're you're willingly saying To yourself and
20:56
to the people around you. Yes, I'll do this.
20:59
I'll go away from my family and my loved ones.
21:01
I'll surrender my freedom for a New Freedom, exactly, what also
21:05
the thing about, you know, when you're talking about feeling
21:09
better and I talked to families about this all the time
21:12
especially when they when they come to detox and then they're
21:16
on fire like you were. And then then when it comes time
21:18
for Ryan to find that place for them to go the they look better,
21:23
they sound better, they feel Better, you know, and especially
21:26
if the families are new to this, you know, they see their loved
21:29
one and that loved one Speaking, a new language and it is a lot
21:33
better than they were seven days ago but nowhere near ready for
21:37
the for the real world again. And so there's this false sense
21:40
of confidence that comes from, Deep, from detox only sometimes
21:44
where people get so much better than they were really fast, and
21:49
then they go back out there in the world when they don't take
21:52
suggestions and it doesn't usually end well, is that
21:55
Absence periods without. Yeah, absolutely.
21:57
So we you know I think one of the the misapprehension
22:01
surrounding like substance use disorder, right?
22:03
As it's something that just exists in the body where a
22:06
medical detox and what we do is we treat a physical dependence
22:10
upon the substance of choice, whether it be alcohol or other
22:13
substances. However, what I reflect a
22:15
family's constantly is they need to look back and see, okay?
22:20
There was a physical addiction to a substance.
22:22
How did that come about? Why did your men It'll coping
22:25
skills, lead you to this substance, to set it, to such a
22:28
degree that your body is now physically addicted to it
22:31
because we can, we can put your right like you were before you
22:34
started drinking again. But if we don't address the
22:36
jury, the issues that caused you to drink in the first place,
22:39
you're going to be right back at it.
22:40
And we've unfortunately and tragically seen that play out
22:43
time and time again, where we have clients that they are
22:46
feeling better. They're doing better, they don't
22:49
think they need this next level of suggestion because the
22:51
physical dependence is removed there in a controlled situation.
22:55
They I think when people tell me they honestly can't imagine
22:57
drinking. I mean, I did the same thing.
22:59
I don't think these people are lying to me at all.
23:01
I think they what they are doing is under estimating the strength
23:05
of addiction and disease, and the way that it can twist our
23:08
perception in our thinking, and that's a, that's a really hard
23:11
thing to attempt to interrupt, you know, it's a really hard
23:14
thing for families and it's a really hard thing for
23:16
individuals, they have to trust some people, me be and some
23:20
other people who they met 48 hours ago and they have no idea.
23:23
You know what I mean, reason. Only what our motivations are so
23:26
to have that level of trust and have that level of surrender
23:29
Nash. You know it's not it's just such
23:32
a gift to be able to have that and and roll with that
23:35
resistance and just say I'm just going to take take these people.
23:39
I'm going to see them as genuine and I'm going to take their
23:42
suggestions Nash you know I think hopefully there are people
23:46
listening to this who they're right about to engage in the
23:49
recovery Journey or there are family members that are about to
23:51
engage in their recovery journey and they're just right on that
23:54
edge. I've been on that knife's edge,
23:56
you've been on that knife's edge if he's been on this knife's
23:58
Edge and I was wondering if you could give any advice or
24:00
suggestions to people who are maybe thinking about engaging in
24:03
a detox or Rehabilitation process but they don't know what
24:08
to expect next. Yeah.
24:10
So it's funny when I when I was in my active addiction and
24:18
drinking really heavily, I would spend a lot of time trying to
24:21
figure out what the cures for hangovers were right.
24:24
Right. You know, I would I would Google
24:26
this and I would read that and I'd spend a lot of time, right?
24:30
I would do some research, I would do some research and
24:33
development trying to figure out what what I what could I do
24:36
differently, how can I prep this thing the night before?
24:39
So I don't feel like utter garbage tomorrow, and I think
24:42
that the answer is really clear, you just don't drink, right?
24:45
And that's the only way to avoid a hangover.
24:49
I think that what what people need to be aware of, is how
24:54
dangerous it is to detox off, alcohol and were a lot of other
24:57
drugs, and it's is, is dangerous, obviously, in a
25:01
physical sense. It's very, it's very difficult,
25:04
I think emotionally and mentally, you know, your body is
25:08
become chemically chemically dependent on this stuff and I
25:14
don't know, I don't know how you can do it any more safely than
25:19
you guys do it in. Environment or in other
25:21
environments as well. I think it's imperative to have
25:26
the best care. You can get to get the best
25:29
start, you can get To to work your way towards recovery.
25:34
Because if you start with the best opportunity and the best
25:39
effort then I think it can go. Well if it doesn't go well from
25:44
the beginning and people people are Jaded by the process or the
25:48
people they're working with then, you know, then I think you
25:51
didn't, you probably got an even bigger problem, you know.
25:58
I don't There's I spend a lot of money.
26:03
To get well. Mmm, and I would gladly spend it
26:07
again if I had to double down on the investment and Ice what I
26:10
see, I think people see it as an expense which is a mistake.
26:14
Hmm. I see the costs associated with
26:16
it. I see the time this associated
26:18
with it as nothing short, as a short of an investment.
26:22
It's an investment in you. And where else would you want to
26:26
spend your money then in yourself, you know?
26:28
And for me, it was going to treatment and realizing that I
26:33
had given up on me a long time ago, I stopped reading things,
26:38
that that challenged me, I stop learning, I stopped growing, and
26:46
I got lost in spiritual growth and then an educational or
26:51
mental growth. And I think we do that as human
26:54
beings, I think I think we, you know, we grew up as children
26:57
being forced to go to school and we like all of these awful
27:00
Educators, who are making us get educated, making us be smarter,
27:03
and making us learn how all I have are these people that are
27:07
teaching us how to, you know, get through life and navigate
27:11
things to life, you know. It's it's really as confounding.
27:15
And when you get in that, that when you get into a position
27:18
where you're like, I'm a Fool. I've been, I've been trying to
27:23
be trying to kill myself for why And I've been, I've been
27:26
blocking out life and and you start to you start to see those
27:31
things. When you start recover, I did
27:33
anyways. And I start to see, I start to
27:36
see some of the light and getting through that, that
27:41
darkness and that dark period. I've got to start to see some of
27:43
the promise of Living my life in a New Direction with a, with a
27:50
better perspective and a greater sense of what it means to be,
27:54
happy, joyous and free. And man, there's a lot of work
27:59
to be done. I got a lot of work to be done.
28:01
I mean, you know, I think if you I think for people that see
28:05
people coming from a detox facility, whether it be new
28:09
orders or another place and thinking that their loved ones
28:14
are are cured. There could not be anything more
28:19
dangerous than that. They're not, you're not.
28:22
I was not the worst thing that could have ever happened to me
28:26
would have been into been put back in the general population.
28:29
Before I had an opportunity to really experience that next
28:32
level of Challenge and growth in in moving towards.
28:40
You know, it's introspection. Mmm, right?
28:42
You got to just, you got focus on you and figure out.
28:48
Where you went wrong, and what you need to do to find some some
28:53
Serenity's some peas, some some really some, some some focus on
28:58
life and what you want to do. So, Good Lord willing.
29:07
Next week will be six months for me without a drink or a drug.
29:11
I've not had I mean maybe since I've became in here, I've maybe
29:18
I've had some cough syrup or something when I had a really
29:20
horrible cold or sinus infection.
29:22
I've not taken any Advil or Tylenol for any kind of pain or
29:25
anything like that. I sleep in clutch incredibly.
29:29
Well I was asked in the way in here if I've been exercising a
29:33
lot. Lot and by a guy that works here
29:35
and I said, no, I haven't because the group I exercise
29:38
with in the mornings. It's just too early, I sleep
29:41
too. Well, I'm, I'm having too much
29:45
life is good and getting better. And And I'm not, I'm not
29:52
interested in what a drink or drug would do to it.
29:56
Can't make it can't make what I got better.
29:58
I'm convinced of that, but I also know that it's just a daily
30:02
reprieve every day and I just got an opportunity to every day
30:06
to work on me a little bit more and and just try and give back a
30:12
little bit of why I'm here, you know, if I haven't said it
30:14
already but I'm here just to maybe make it that much easier
30:18
for somebody else to find their way.
30:20
The recovery and and that's really what this program and all
30:23
programs are about in recovery is just, you know, letting
30:28
people know that there is there it's a challenging way.
30:33
It's not easy but it's the more meaningful way to get through
30:37
life. So I'm around people.
30:45
Now on the other side and now that I'm in recovery is like,
30:49
hey, here's our friend Nash, you know, he doesn't drink and I'm
30:52
the weird one right now. I'm not normal because I don't
30:56
drink and I'm like when did it ever get when it when it
31:00
drinking become the normal way to get through life?
31:02
You know, when did drugs become the normal way to go?
31:05
I mean why is that got to be that way?
31:07
It's bizarre but that's the world we live in and you can't
31:10
change that part of it until you got it.
31:12
She'll some people's minds. Sets that this is the better
31:15
way. This is the right way to live,
31:20
it's where I am and it's where I'm staying and I appreciate the
31:23
opportunity to be here. It's you know, when I was in
31:27
treatment and getting out of treatment and that facility I
31:29
was in and I know that I know that I had a full appreciation
31:34
or a fuller, a real appreciation, for what people in
31:37
recovery have to do, they got to go to work everyday and bust,
31:41
their butts trying to save people's lives knowing that, a
31:44
lot of people don't make it and that's not easy.
31:47
And It's sad. But, you know, it's my sister
31:59
works in a field. That's very difficult where she
32:02
she's in child advocacy rights as she's constantly in and a
32:06
world of things that are tough for people.
32:09
So I'm aware of people who have crappy jobs, trying to help
32:12
other people out and how difficult it is.
32:14
So anything that I can do to give back, I'm all on board.
32:18
So thanks for your time. Thank you.
32:21
Nash, thank you baby. Thank you, Ryan.
32:24
Thank you, everybody.