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Why Financial Plans Fail When They're Built on Someone Else's Values · Align Your Retirement

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: For years I was living a double life.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: By day, I was seen as a superwoman, a professional woman who seemed to know what she was doing, who loved her job and her client.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was financially successful, doing everything I was told to do because they said it's hard to survive as a woman in the financial industry, especially as a minority woman.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: That drove me to work day and night, basically living to work.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: From the hard work and determination, I was doing good by outside measures, which made others think that, you know, I was made to be a financial advisor.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it couldn't have been farther from the truth because, in fact, I was doubting myself every single second.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so different from other traditional financial advisors, not only in how I looked, but how I spoke and showed up for my clients.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was sometimes too gentle or, you know, emotional, empathetic for my clients.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: On one hand, I was trying to be this traditional-looking financial advisor, while I was actually an advisor who's also me, someone who loves to hear other people's stories and wants to solve problems for them as if they were my family.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I get sometimes incredibly emotionally attached, like it were my situation.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's how I get incredibly empathetic towards my clients.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was successful as a financial advisor, but inside I was miserable.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, I wasn't sure why I felt so exhausted all the time.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was just tired from, you know, working too hard or putting too much pressure on myself to always exceed others' expectations.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: But in truth, I was exhausted trying to act in a certain way.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I started right out of college, so colleagues and family told me that I needed to dress to look older, or I needed to do hair this way, or present myself with a certain tone.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was just too exhausting to process all that while trying to show up as my best self.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: One day I felt completely done with everything.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to continue as a financial advisor.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was just way too much.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what the problem was.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: My colleagues didn't know, my family didn't understand.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because they all said I was doing perfect, I was doing great.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day, literally, I just couldn't get out of bed.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was burnt out.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was depressed.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just couldn't face all of the things I was supposed to do anymore.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: That just rock bottom moment forced me to confront a painful truth.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I had been making decisions based on external expectations rather than my own values.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's why today we're talking about how to align your financial decisions with your deepest values and why that alignment might be the most important factor in creating a truly work optional life and a life you don't need to escape from.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, welcome to her Ani's Money Talk, where we believe in living wealthy and living well for independent women.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's you, you're in the right place.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: So in our first three episodes, we explored what it means to create a work optional life, how to calculate your enough number and how to shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're diving into something equally fundamental: how to align your financial decisions with your core values.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's a truth I've learned after years of working with successful women.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Financial planning isn't really about money.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's about creating a life that reflects what matters most to you.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So when your financial decisions align with your values, money becomes a tool, resource for creating not only security, but also meaning and fulfillment.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that alignment is the foundation of true financial freedom.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you a little bit more about my own journey to alignment.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, as I mentioned, I spent the early years of my career trying to fit into this traditional financial advisor mold.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was working at a firm where I was exceeding expectations and doing great, working hard and, you know, making good money.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing well, but something just felt off.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was in an environment where everyone seemed to fit a certain mold.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like everybody kind of understood each other.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: They looked sort of similar, approached problems in similar ways, and offered similar solutions.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: In that environment, I had a hard time showing up as my full authentic self in my professional life.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, not just a version that fit expectations, but just real me as a person.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because I knew at the end of the day that's how I would be able to serve my clients the best possible way.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's exactly how I want them to feel.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want my clients to feel confident to fully show up as themselves while being financially secure and comfortable without sacrificing their lifestyle.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I made the leap.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I made the leap to become a fee-only fiduciary financial advisor.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I got to be in a community of advisors who felt quite similar to me, who wanted the same amount of autonomy for their business, without other people telling them how they're supposed to dress or act or even talk.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: So choosing to become a fee-only fiduciary was one of the scariest financial decisions I've ever made, but at the same time, the most straightforward and easiest decision I ever made.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Which is interesting because that contradicted itself, but it was the best one yet in my professional life.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this alignment in values makes all the difference.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: It did for me.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: The firm I'm building serves women like me, women who are trying to fit into professional norms while thirsting for freedom and authenticity.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: This experience taught me something profound about the relationship between values and life decisions.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So when your financial choices align with your core values, you experience a sense of peace and purpose and even confidence that no amount of money can even buy.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: When they're misaligned, you experience what it's called cognitive dissonance, a mental discomfort that comes from holding contradictory beliefs or values from how you actually act.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you identify your core values and ensure your financial decisions reflect them?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let me walk you through a simple process.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: First, ask yourself, when have I felt the most fulfilled and aligned in my life?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Think about those peak moments when you felt completely at peace with yourself and with your choices.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, what values were being honored in those moments?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, those moments always involved being completely brutally honest and be myself, acting with integrity, even when it was difficult.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: They also involved helping others navigate their situations as if it were mine with compassion, with clarity.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Next, consider what you want people to say about you at your 90th birthday celebration.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of life do you want to have lived?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: What principles do you want to have stood for?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, look at your current financial decisions.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Are they moving you towards that vision or away from it?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Are they reflecting what truly matters to you, or are they based on external expectations or short-term gratification, which is absolutely normal, but we want to be acknowledging what's happening?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: This alignment or misalignment shows up in countless different ways.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I see it with clients all the time.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: The woman who stays in a toxic job because it pays well, even though it's destroying her health and relationships.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's kind of how I was.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's very common it's everywhere, but we want to just acknowledge it so that we can actually move forward to a better situation.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: The executive who saves aggressively for retirement, she may never reach because burnout is consuming her right now.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's also another example.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: The professional who spends on status symbols that don't bring her joy because that's what's expected in her circle.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's also misalignment where you know you're doing something to satisfy other people's expectations, but it's not exactly aligned with your values or visions.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: In each case, there's a disconnect between values and financial decisions, and that disconnect creates suffering long-term, especially.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to acknowledge something important.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Our values around money don't develop in a vacuum.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like it didn't develop because you're a bad person or you know, any like a personality defect or any of that nature.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: They came from our families, our communities, our cultural backgrounds.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: For me, growing up in Korea, or more broadly in Asian culture, I absorbed powerful messages about money, work and self-worth, even.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was taught that work comes first, that self-sacrifice is virtuous, and that taking care of yourself and others are suffering is incredibly selfish.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I watched my mom struggle in an abusive marriage and face financial insecurity.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: When I internalized the belief that I didn't deserve to prioritize my own well-being, and when others were suffering, this cultural conditioning ran so deep that I was the first person to say, work is the most important thing until I faced this burnout, relationship damage, and the inability to enjoy what I had because I was always striving for more.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Understanding these cultural influences is crucial because they often operate below the level of conscious awareness.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: They're the water we swim in, so pervasive that we don't even notice them.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: But once you become aware of these influences, you can make more intentional choices about which cultural values you want to preserve and which ones you might need to reconsider.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we create financial plans that truly reflect our values while acknowledging these cultural influences?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me share some practical steps that have worked for my client and me.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: First, create a values-based decision framework.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is simply a set of questions you ask yourself before making any significant financial decision.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Does this choice align with my core values?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Am I making this decision based on my own values or someone else's expectations?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Will this decision bring me closer to the life I truly want?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: If money were no object, would I still make this choice?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Second, audit your current financial life.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look at your spending, saving, investing, and earning through the lens of your values.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you see alignment?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you see disconnection?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: This audit often reveals surprising insights about where your money is really going and whether those destinations reflect what matters most to you.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Third, create boundaries that protect your values.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: This might mean saying no to opportunities that don't align with your priorities, even if they come with financial benefits.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It might mean setting limits on work hours to preserve your health and relationships.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: It might mean allocating resources to areas that nourish your soul, even if they don't generate immediate returns.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, find an accountability partner, someone who knows your values and can help you stay aligned with them.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: This could be your friend, a partner, coach, financial advisor who understands that money decisions are never just about money.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, practice self-compassion throughout this process.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Aligning your financial life with your values is a journey.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a destination.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: You'll make mistakes, you'll face setbacks, you'll encounter resistance both internally and externally.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Treating yourself with kindness during these challenges is essential for sustainable change.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings us to this week's freedom step.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Create your values-based financial filter.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Take a piece of paper and draw three columns.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: In the first column, list your top three to five core values.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: In the second column, write down how each value might show up in your financial decisions.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: In the third column, note that one specific action you can take in the next week to better align your finances with each value.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: For example, if one of your values is family connection, that might show up financially as prioritizing experiences with loved ones over material purchases.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And your specific action might be schedule a family activity instead of buying that new gadget I've been on.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: This simple exercise creates a filter through which you can pass future financial decisions, helping you quickly assess whether they're aligned with what matters most to you.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: As we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this thought.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: The purpose of financial planning isn't to accumulate the most amount of money or to follow a prescribed path that someone else has laid out for you.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's to create a life that reflects your deepest values and brings you genuine fulfillment.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: For too long, the financial industry has focused on numbers while ignoring the human beings behind those numbers, their values or cultural context, their unique definition of success.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's why sometimes, you know, there's a lot of the plans developed, but you don't follow because you don't really care.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: My journey from trying to fit the traditional advisor mold to creating an authentic practice has taught me that true financial freedom comes not just from having enough money, which is essential, but having your money work in service of what matters most to you.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: When your financial decisions align with your values, you experience a sense of integrity and wholeness that goes far beyond your bank balance.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: You create a life you don't need to escape from because it already reflects who you are.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear from you.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: What core values drive your financial decisions now?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you see alignment or misalignment in your financial life?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Share in the comments below or email me directly.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I read every single message and your experiences shape you know future episodes.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Next week, we'll explore another crucial aspect, actually one of the most important ones, when creating a work optional life.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: How to find the right financial partner who will guide you to be your authentic self and live your best life.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Wealthy and well.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the right partnership can make all the difference in turning your values into reality.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, I'm Hazel Seco, and this is her Unused Money Talk.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Keep living wealthy and living well.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You've got this.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to you soon.