Latest / Dear Son, / Why Great Fathers Never Stop Learning | Ep 191 | The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

Why Great Fathers Never Stop Learning | Ep 191 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Did he call you by your full name?
• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, they just said, he just said, Shut up.
• 0:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Shut up.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I hear I hate a tenor in his voice.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: I knew I'm in trouble.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what was, but I know I was in trouble.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I get into the room.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, he's about to do what he do because of the cuss words in there.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: But what I saw, I didn't realize at that age, what I looked when I looked in his eyes, what I saw, was pain.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not because I did something wrong, but because a switch went off for him or turn on for him I should say.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: that I'm now being influenced by other voices.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I never heard a curse word to this day.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, smoke, drink.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Say it.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Talk bad about somebody like intentionally to tell somebody down.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I knew through the environment that what I was doing was outside of what was supposed to be the environment.
• 0:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I might have been eighth to ninth grade because I think my systems are already gone to school.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was home by myself.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And my, you know, I'll be home by myself if my parents came home.
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: My dad was routine, but for whatever reason,
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I'm in the studio this day.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Half on was on.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm rapping.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Custard, Custard, Custard, Custard.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I started around and he's standing right there.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: The sheer look of disappointment on his face.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Confused and scared me, but he never said a thing about it.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as I got older and as you would mention this, I'm like, man, I wonder if the disappointment was so great that he thought he failed.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Try this again, guys, for the third time.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know who is a liar in hip.
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know who's liar.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking that tells me is that this conversation is necessary.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen man, that's it.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Y'all don't know, y'all might know.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: The members might know which is happening.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Y'all might have seen them.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody else, man, let's get to it.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the dance song show.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is four fathers, those with fathers, and the fatherless nobody's left out.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are the conversations I want my sons, the access as they grow through life in the manhood.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: No topics are often on your only hosts.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Back in my bag of tricks, we got a long overdue.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I am in the city in the building.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mr. Dayson, Robinson.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you feeling better?
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing well, man.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm happy we could finally make this happen.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, 24 hours.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: We made it happen this morning.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: 24.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ever was said up that we, I had to look at the text ring.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said the text ring, a bit of active sense of,
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: in 2017.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I suppose to get out here to Texas, you're supposed to get to Atlanta.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: We, we, we, let's just, we made it happen.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't work in mysterious ways.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's common.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's perfect.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes they more obvious than we can't admit.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: At your head, man.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: How you feeling?
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, man.
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm happy to be here, man.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: And in town for wedding this weekend, yeah, that I have to officiate.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I said, let's, let's, let's get to it, man.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm from feeling good, man.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So here's the thing.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, what we first locked in were you in a position of officiator wedding?
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was already in ministry, I was just in school for my masters of divinity.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I was already like licensed as a minister, but at the time, so I held from New York, one of the reasons in Brooklyn, New York.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna get right to that.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: At the time, I was finishing up school in New Jersey.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I was in Princeton, so I was finishing up my masters of divinity, at Princeton seminary in New Jersey.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Lifeless.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when we, when we was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, so my wife and my two daughters at the time we got three now But we were living in New Jersey and that's what made my wife a podcast and out the house You know, we locked in online and whatnot.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know who's Who's pushing for the numb in your house, but yeah.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be that influence We got five.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can tell you all the stories.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got five.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to six.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my dad my dad still push it themselves
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So technically we got six in the house.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have a granddaughter.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, a granddaughter would be two in August.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, okay.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was kind of a reset.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I feel you.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I feel you.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's the age of my youngest.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we got three, 11, 9, and then our youngest is two.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's the only one that was born.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: We moved that land in 2023.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: So three years ago.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is a lot of my three years.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, Lou down there to to help with the church.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Gotcha.
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, uh, yeah.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: So.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a little breeze past it.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't know what the question's going to go to.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm a little wherever you want to take us.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we got to get out of the breeze, a church, a church in the land.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: OK.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I say my kids, now here's some of my kids, no one people are playing a lottery.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it's working.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: But tell them, they'll give you that.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: If it is, they tell you, and it's happened out.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they talk when they start coughing.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: 18 12 and 11.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, well, we're going in the birthday season.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So my son, how do I say Eli?
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's out to Eli, man.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've got to say his name and give him production credit.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: He helpful us.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: But they're going to the to the odd numbers that he's going to his even number.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we're going.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have a 23 21 19 13 and 12 when it's okay.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it ended the year.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, and to you.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's great man.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: God.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's great.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: How's the land is treating you?
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: A land has been good, man.
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of work.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: No church.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Huh?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: No church.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: No church.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: No church.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: No church.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Keep you busy.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's this little church
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: on that ministry's thriving, not just numerically, but the formation we're seeing in the souls of people we're seeing like real life change and transformation happening to decap County area of Atlanta, to go in that county area of Atlanta, man, doing a lot of things serving a lot of people.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, that's what they brought me down for, man.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, that's what I'm excited to do.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what we said to do.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: What got you into, uh, it's a ministry initiative.
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my dad is a pastor, okay, like I said, we're from Brooklyn, New York.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my dad is a pastor.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: My dad actually, he started pastoring when I was three years old.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I grew up in for the most part, the church that he passed through.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what that's my first or initial exposure to the faith and to ministry comes through.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: But let's be real, ministry, ministry and a family business.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Ministry is not necessarily corporately like I can I can hand down if I'm a plumber I can hand this over to you if a ministry one of those things the Heavenly Father Got to call you to you can't just assume because someone has your blood.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that they're gonna inherit That side of ministry and I think that um, or that side of purpose.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I should say because I think all of us are ministers are some of the people we can get in that later
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: You gotta be wearing no collar, have no mic to be with.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think all of us are ministers in service of one another or should be to some degree.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, my initial exposure was my dad's church, man, little church in Brooklyn, New York.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, grew up.
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: doing everything.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: When when it's, when you, when your father's the pastor, you, you sweep floors, you hope, count money, you end up playing instruments, you're seeing, you do praise dancing, you do mind, you're, you're getting everything, you start tapping in the realize of what you're good at.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's one of the things I really appreciate and value that some people, you know, especially pastless kids or preachers kids,
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot that they are reversed to or do not like.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot that I am grateful for.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: In spite of the pressures that come with it, there's just a lot of mistakes I was able to make and learn about who I was, gift and talent, calling, they get up and sing something that's like, I can't sing, but we realize that now.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I won't continue to try to say, you know what I mean?
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like,
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: But sometimes, you annoyed with it as a child.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, man, that exposure, help me know what I was good at, help me know what I didn't like, help me know what I felt fulfilled doing.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there's a lot that I appreciate because God don't make mistakes, you know what I mean?
• 8:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: But that was my initial exposure in the ministry and then as I came up, thought to call on my life.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we can get to that if you want to, but yeah.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, from memory, your experience.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Did you experience your day at more as a father or a past?
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, that's a great question.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a great question, I think.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it shifted depending on age range.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Does that make sense?
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think in my earlier years, very much pastor.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't say it in a bad way, but he was young.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: He started passing, I think, like 25, 26, you know, taking over a church.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: He throwing his all at what he thinks is the best that he can do.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And what he thinks, he's called to do.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: So.
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I got to preach.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: He don't revive those three, you know, this day, we doing three, three night temp revivals and five day revivals, you, but I got homework or I got a game or I got practice and it's like, I need y'all in the church and it's like, this is always gonna be like this, yeah.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then I think there is a point where the man that he is grows up in front of you too.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: and he starts to realize you don't what?
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: My family has been more meaningful to me than this chart could ever be.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you start as we get older, you start seeing this shift of his desire for involvement.
• 10:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm coming to the game, son, yeah, uh, when we play, uh, you know what I mean?
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, what you got going on, man, what was going on in school?
• 10:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you start seeing this shift.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: And what I, I would characterize it as him evolving and growing into manhood in front of us.
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the biggest I hope I'm on with that you can only have as a parent that your parents were growing up at the same time.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want I want a six, man.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I want a six when you fall I'm the third of six.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, but my, my, my, my father wouldn't mind it's because it's more of a testimony now than it is like something to be ashamed of.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: My oldest brother.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the man 17.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, I wasn't here right.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was still, he was very much a boy.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then young 20s when he had my sister.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's only a year older than me.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then still young 20s when he got me.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: They're my three that fought under me.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: You start seeing that maturation.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You start seeing him.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: More desire for involvement going to the school or school nights and things like that.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I think that, I think that comes with a conviction, though, because what happens is,
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: not to be to preachy or at the risk of sound and preachy, but like in Genesis, before you see a temple built, before you see any iteration of what we now know as churches or faith-based community,
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, you see a family, you see a man being given a bride and a him and a bride, having children and having work to do until in land is like, you see a family before you see any formal institution in church.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So God, I would suggest to argue that God prioritizes what he wants to prioritize.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a reason I had to word a God start with a family before it started with a church.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I think a lot of pastors and leaders in that way, it'll help them a lot.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'll mail leaders who are fathers.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: It'll help them a lot to understand that, man.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember the shift that you're talking about and how you saw your father before?
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And after or was it even that pronounced?
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think it was that pronounced.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think as a man and a father now, it was my own journey through therapy, my own journey through spiritual counseling and coaching from other mentors and stuff that I retro-specatively look back and I'm like, man, that's when that happened.
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's why, you know, there was a point and me and my dad, we cool.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I don't mind talking freely.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: There was a point where,
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: where my siblings and I, if there was like something going on at school or something we were proud of on the road, something like that.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: We run the mom and tell her and don't tell dad because he's like, we know dad gonna be busy, we know dad not gonna come, we know he got Bible study to teach.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: We know he got people to care for, he got hospital visits to me, he got to go to the court room and just to find people's character in front of a judge, he's got a lot to do when going bother him.
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: That was how mine said.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I can say that when I retrospectively started to look back, it was like, he was prioritizing what he thought was important that he thought would make the best life for his family, right?
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's throwing his all at this thing that he thinks is going to produce something for the quality of his life.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not like just angeless forget y'all.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's, I think in that stage of my development, I'm doing the best I can with what I got.
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: And this is how I was taught in terrain.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I think that giving all to this is going to produce a quality of life that makes y'all a lot better.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: How much of that is you?
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is youth?
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is you?
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is me?
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: As in, like, now, let me on to say it, is it now when this season of my life?
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you meant you saw through a lens?
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Follow the path.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I don't what we haven't got to that, but you ended up in the same profession.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you have all this data.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have the therapy.
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have the wherewithal to understand the same words, too short, sure, sure.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But how much of that is, is you?
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think, I, the DNA is there, right?
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like just physically, the DNA is there.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: So this things, you a dot, a dot rather things that you take on,
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to answer this because it's going to sound like nodding, say it like it is.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like, no, I'll pay attention to that and I'll put my family first.
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know how it impacted me.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know how it affected me.
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: In fact, that that that inspires even the way we connected was through me and my wife's podcast.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the content is like, hey, that's part of my ministry.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's why I wanted to put specific words to it because I think sometimes.
• 15:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted you to say, man, because I haven't spoken to all of me in my perspective was I found a thing that felt successful and I gravitated to that and spins of right and sometimes when you're I can imagine as a pastor trying to get to like, not going to jump too far to where you are now, but yeah it's from the periphery.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: It feels like a.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have to establish myself, sure, kind of, sure, profession.
• 15:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right.
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we can give so much credit to what we're doing in God's name.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it is, in that necessarily, you pay an attention to the first ministry of sign of dedicated games.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yo, I'm going to be real.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's not just exposure or the data with how I grew up.
• 16:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: It takes like a real theological conviction about like, God's priorities.
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: It is like the almost the entire new testament is committed.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: to the reestablish it of a really dominant metaphor in his family.
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: The blood of Christ is shed, why?
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because blood is the thing that you can determine whether or not our DNA is connected.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So say, hey, I'm gonna shed this thing that's gonna give you new blood because it's also metaphor for new family.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: And once again, I'm gonna pass it.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna give you what the knowledge I got.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And Ephesians want God says, well, Paul writes through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit that it was God's pleasure to adopt us into sonship.
• 17:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like being family is actually his priority.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like the intimacy of us being one and in union with him was the priority from the beginning.
• 17:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got, I got some radical, I end up a sign of a priestess yet.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I got some radical, even when it comes to like Adam and Eve, when that, when that like fall happens.
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: We always go to the mistake they made.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I suggest,
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: that the order that God asked them questions, the order of the questions God asked them, actually reveals the heart of God.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So the first question God asked them, it reveals his priorities, I should say.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: The first question God asked them wasn't why they ate from the tree.
• 17:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: The first question God asked Adam, who was about to be fathered?
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Where are you?
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: His priority was union.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was intimacy.
• 18:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: man I hate because I was ashamed.
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who told you you were naked?
• 18:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's influence, right?
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: First thing is intimacy.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Where are you?
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know you made a mistake, but I actually want you to still show up for the walk.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: The walk we was having every single day.
• 18:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I still want that face to face with you.
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm your father.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to be there for you.
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: your child God forbid getting to a car crash no matter how mad you at or at them when you get to the scene the first thing you're not going to ask is like What you're doing sitting here texting first thing on say is you're okay?
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're right a good father.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully you and hopefully that's what you're right.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully that's what's in it It's like hey, you're hopefully you can communicate that to them.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: God willing.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, God willing, right?
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because the intimacy is priority the union the family that's that's his priority So the first thing he asks is what you at?
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Where are you?
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Being at him was one, the next thing he asked, it's still not why the job messed up, why did you even treat the second thing he asked is, we told you that, because now I'm realizing you're being in influence by a voice that's not mine.
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I never, I got time for a story.
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got time for a story.
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got time for a story.
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, because the, this is the, now I'm saying this is divine, the weight, the order of the conversation that have happened recently with me sitting right here.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's an order too.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's, it's, it's, it's lined up.
• 19:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: I remember I was in like third grade.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had this, I had this girl that had this crush on me and third grade, but I didn't like her.
• 19:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Touch this little journal, I call myself writing in and I'm writing in a journal.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I can't believe she liked me.
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: I really liked such a such a search.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: But this one liked me.
• 19:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's the girl I want to do my girlfriend.
• 19:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm cussed and I'm writing, I'm saying stuff.
• 19:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: I never heard my dad or mother say literally.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've never heard the words that I'm writing down.
• 19:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Come out of my father and mother's mouth.
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I remember.
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I call myself hiding it.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I used to put it under a couch in the living room.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I hit it under, I was in the dark room.
• 19:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was nine years old.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bit bit bit with me, the okay.
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: A life of crown wasn't for you.
• 20:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't for me, my, my path was laid out.
• 20:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't for you.
• 20:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I hit it under the couch, stupid.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what they ain't cleaning one day, he called me in the, he called me in the room.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not gonna tell by his tone.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Full name.
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, full name.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: They, they he called you by your full name.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, they just said he just said, Sean, no.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Sean.
• 20:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I hear, I hate it, the tenor in his voice.
• 20:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I knew I'm in trouble.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what it was, but I know I was in trouble.
• 20:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I get into the room.
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, he bought the duty-do because of the curse words in there.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: But what I saw, I didn't realize it that age.
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: What I looked when I looked in his eyes, what I saw was paying not because I did something wrong but because a switch went off for him
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: that I'm now being influenced by other voices.
• 20:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: And there was a pain of transition that now I got a parent, my son, with even more antigenality, because there's an influence, because he's using words, he's never heard me say.
• 21:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's what happened when we got an atom.
• 21:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who told you you were naked?
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: The pain was, hey, we had a closeness, we had a language, we had something we spoke,
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who told you that?
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, now you're being influenced by a voice I never heard about by a voice that, and why words that I never shared with you.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: And now you get to the, now why did you read from the tree?
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: But my, my argument is that that actually what, the, the, the sin or the transgression, what I'm going to call it was not his priority.
• 21:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: That was tertiary to him or was primary to him was like intimacy and the second
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who told you that?
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why am I saying this?
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not just rambling.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm saying this because I believe there is a true like like spiritual project where God is like, what I wanted from the beginning was union, was family, was it to be seen?
• 22:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: from the beginning, that's been my plan.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when I said my son, through Christ, it's really a restoration of what I initially wanted.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Family, if he just won, bring it back around to the loop.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's his, he didn't just adopt us out of like tolerance, I call it, it won't listen.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: It says it was his pleasure to adopt us into sunshine.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: What was the environment that your father, what was the environment that was established in your home?
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what did you understand about what was accepted?
• 22:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, in just house.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's good.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Shout out to my mom.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I think that's what I think.
• 22:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I think I didn't want to... No, no, no.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's cool.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Shout out to my mom.
• 22:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I do think, and I don't want to judge the seat of a woman.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not a woman, so I don't want to judge the seat of a woman.
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm married to a beautiful black woman.
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have three beautiful daughters that I'm raising.
• 22:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, I don't want to judge the seat that I have no, you know.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I have experiential knowledge, right?
• 23:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Through relationship.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: there were times where I think even my mom misunderstood what his call to ministry meant.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So some of the teaching that we've absorbed was it necessarily from him per se.
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Some of it was like, mom was like, get him by the day.
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: He studied it.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now when I'm studying it, if my kids were in a room, unless like, I might maybe give me a hour or I need to a
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, if I don't, I'll be reading my, my, my, my two year or show how I write up on my letter.
• 23:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, do you really read it?
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, baby.
• 23:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, I'm inviting her because I don't, I don't separate or delineate the ministry from the, from the, from the home.
• 23:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, it's all intertwined.
• 23:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I think what I, what was communicated to me and my five siblings sometimes was like,
• 23:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Ministry is this pristine thing that only involves the man in the robe in the collar on the pulpit.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's taking care of other people.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And don't bother him when he's preparing to take care of the people.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: So then subconscious like good things were happening.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I remember I got a scholarship on the grant.
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was in a newspaper.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: My father found out because he happened to be walking past the corner store, Delhi, in Brooklyn, New York, and saw my face on a newspaper.
• 24:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: As a man when I grew up, I realized how much they hurt him.
• 24:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then I'm like,
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: It wouldn't matter to you anyway, you know what I mean?
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, I think that took maturation and meteorological.
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, it didn't matter to him.
• 24:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's just we didn't give him a chance to let him matter because of what the perception was of quote-unquote ministry.
• 24:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the reason I asked her because I had a very similar experience with my father.
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: He caught me cursing.
• 24:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, right?
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I never heard a curse word to this day.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know smoke drink.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, saying talk bad about somebody like intentionally Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I knew through the environment that what I was doing was outside of what was supposed to be the environment.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I'm upstairs in my room.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had, you know what, maybe, maybe I might have been eighth and ninth grade because I think my system was already gone to school and I was home by myself and my, you know, I'd be home by myself before my parents came home.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: My dad was routine, but for whatever reason, I feel like I'm in a studio this day.
• 25:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Headphones on.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Custard, Custard, Custard, Custard.
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I started around and he stand right there.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: The sheer look of disappointment on his face confused and scared me, because he, if it didn't happen in the moment, it was worse later.
• 25:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because he, he dwelled on that, he was sure that this was supposed to happen.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like you get fly off the handle in, right?
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, later, pardon, no,
• 26:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: He was sure and calculated that this weapon needed to be delivered.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: But he never said a thing about it.
• 26:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as I got all the energy was missing the storm like, man, I wonder if the disappointment was so great that he thought he failed.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, the he thought he failed in that moment.
• 26:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Doing so much, setting such an example, putting all the guardrails, all of the mandates, all of the rules, all of the house shouts.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I still did that in his house.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's what it was, man, and in that level of disappointment, I've only known as a parent.
• 26:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I don't think there is a parent that has not felt like they failed.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, even when, and I think that's the importance.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: When I don't remember, in scriptures, when the disciples as just like teach us to pray, and this is where we get what people call the Lord's prayer, but it's really the model prayer.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like a structural format for how we should pray.
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: The first thing Jesus addresses God as it says, this is how you should pray, this is how you ought to pray.
• 27:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Our Father, stop there.
• 27:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a whole other thing that we all memorize when we young and son of school stuff like that, but let's start there.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Our Father, why does he do that?
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: My argument is one of the reasons, I think it's many reasons.
• 27:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: But one of the reasons he does that is because there's this invitation included for parents to understand, hey, he's also a father, don't do this by yourself, because you'll feel moments where you feel like I've done everything I can and I failed.
• 27:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then sometimes you'll stop showing up, you'll stop giving you all, because you think like I gave him all of them, I'm quitting, I'm giving up.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like you're there, you're physically up, but you're mentally checked out.
• 27:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You come home, but you really checked out.
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You present, but you really checked out.
• 27:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think Jesus, when he lays that foundation for how to outfather, don't forget his role in our lives, because at same role in our lives as the same role he can be for your children.
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you invite him in a partnership in parenting because you don't gotta do this by yourself.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: there he's he's he's he's he's I like to say when I'm doing like baby dedication and christmas and stuff at the church I tell parents I say hey the reason you dedicate your child back to back to God one of the reason is because he's omnipotent you're not he's omnipresent you're not meaning you would teach Ela how to draw you could teach a kids how to draw 10 and 2 check your blinds turn his signal
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: what you can't control is the people that's on the road with them.
• 28:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who taught them how to drive?
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can't control that.
• 28:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You need invited partnership of someone that understands what it's like to be a father and say, even where I have limits, protect my child on that road.
• 28:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: You could put them into best schools.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, choose a teacher.
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: You'll choose their classmates.
• 28:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: No matter what, you instill in them.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: There wouldn't, there needs to be heavily partnership.
• 28:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 28:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: In parenthood.
• 28:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 28:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's because we all go and feel like we failed.
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the concept of it.
• 29:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
• 29:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: As my children have gotten older, I've explained it to them that I'm sure what you learned here.
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 29:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Certainly you'll certainly you'll test, of course, what you may think is my theory.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I grew up there.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.
• 29:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what they did with them.
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you got to be around them.
• 29:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I need, I need a level of
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: situational awareness.
• 29:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need a level of discernment.
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that you at least know that don't you may not have the answer, but you know that in it.
• 29:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 29:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 29:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 29:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Move away from that thing.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what we do, man.
• 29:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: We don't we don't like necessarily take their feet and order it.
• 29:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: What we do is we give them a compass.
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: and maybe more of a GPS, and internally, morally, then what happens is their feet go where it goes and their GPS, I'll say, hey, you made it all turn, make that you turn, come back around, really what we installed as a GPS, we don't tell their feet where they go, though.
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Give it, give it this lens and your experience.
• 30:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 30:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Seeing what ministry was as a child and moving into adulthood, why the decision to move into ministry?
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I think what you really call, I don't know that you, I don't want to say you don't have a choice because you're choosing you yield, but there's a, there's a moment where you hit a wall where it's like God, I don't know what else to do, but say yes, and I don't think it was this deep,
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're trying to trend in the Bible where it's like most people, I won't say all, but most people who are like called into something usually resist what they're called into initially.
• 30:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: They'll come up with some reason, some short coming of their own, some flaw of their own character.
• 31:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: They'll present it to God as if God don't know that they have this flaw.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, you know, you got molded, this is like, hey, I can't really speak like that.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry, still go tell Pharaoh.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to sing your brother with you.
• 31:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: When he's visited by God and it's like don't be afraid of their faces.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're aging God Then I do with this not Isaiah.
• 31:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's like well, I got unclean lips guys like Here's a hot cold put that on your mouth.
• 31:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: The angel going put this hot cold on your mouth I'm calling you right.
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's you never find this Excitement because you know what it takes and what you've seen and I think those other people They got calls it the people that like never get too drunk on
• 31:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: the a lore in the glamour of what they think it is.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think people who are sober enough through experience who really don't want it are the ones he wants.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I think my yes, and my yield was more because
• 31:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't stop running from these encounters.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was having that felt to me.
• 32:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: What I interpreted to be divine signs that you are called.
• 32:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it was more like, it ain't got nothing to do with my father.
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think God used several things and several people.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it was more like me and him late night and me and him.
• 32:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm friend to God to follow me and him late night.
• 32:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't sleep.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: What do you want from me?
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is what I want.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think for did it have to get for you before you killed it.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't have to get painful Okay, yeah, I think everybody's story's different for me.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't necessarily pain.
• 32:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was more like
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: internal sensitivity and awareness, we're like normal life routines just keep getting disrupted.
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, and for me, it was weird because I was very young.
• 32:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to be clear, when I spoke my first sermon, I was 17 going on 18 senior high school.
• 32:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm hoping I'm playing ball.
• 32:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going with the college.
• 32:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: You just got scholarship, I'm like, like this, they want to do what I want to do.
• 33:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I like, girls.
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, she's all the regular stuff.
• 33:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's called me to this now.
• 33:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: But what people don't know was weird, I had this, I actually had been running for quite a few years.
• 33:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I was young.
• 33:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was almost like young kids that kind of knew and I'm doing everything I need from women to weed to anything I could do to get my, oh my God, please describe it for me.
• 33:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm hanging out with the crimps.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, anything to describe a five-bead.
• 33:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Can you do your?
• 33:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: New York, Brooklyn, New York.
• 33:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 33:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Broker to Europe, man, I'm coming home late.
• 33:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing whatever.
• 33:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: This qualified me.
• 33:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: So even at the acceptance at 17, had been running since like 14, middle school.
• 33:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: A great, you know what I mean?
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I'd had these moments and these encounters wasn't necessarily painful per se.
• 33:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't at like, waiting some tragic happen.
• 33:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I won't frame it that way, even though I know people that it took something like that to really wait them up.
• 34:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I'm just trying to hoop.
• 34:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I'm just trying to stay on out of roll.
• 34:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I get good grip.
• 34:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why I'm getting disrupted in class.
• 34:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why I feel like I know people's business.
• 34:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why people keep bringing these stuff to me and the locker room and why my coach keep asking me to pray just because my dad passed what's going on?
• 34:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: How did you make sense of that exchange of your desires for his will?
• 34:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like how did it, and have to get painful, but yeah, one of these things, you call to do this thing.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 34:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: How did you make sense of it?
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, that's a good question.
• 34:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think one thing, one thing, theologian says life is lived forward, but it's understood backwards, right?
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think in the moment, I don't know that I will call it making sense.
• 34:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think in the moment, I will call it yielding.
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it didn't make sense.
• 35:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was just one of those things where I was tired of being bothered.
• 35:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I called the interruptions and disruptions.
• 35:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was a bother something.
• 35:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was like, you're bothering me.
• 35:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to do something I was supposed to do.
• 35:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: How arrogant.
• 35:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: your father and me, whether it's early in the morning wakeups, can't sleep, whether it's I'm trying to do stuff for my friends, I ain't supposed to do, but I'm feeling different about this situation, or maybe I had one situation.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I never forget this.
• 35:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was, and we weren't raising a greatest neighborhood in Brooklyn and my father was really committed to the community.
• 35:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: So,
• 35:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: we were in, so the church was in Browseville, which is funny by that, it's like crime central, it browser, so the church was like in the Browseville section, I'm not far from East Flatbush, so, but he, he, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: the blood's normed.
• 35:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Crits normed.
• 35:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: He used to do this thing.
• 35:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Heming some partners and ministries who think all boys in the hood, they do like basketball tournaments.
• 36:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: They'll play against gang members, gang members, lose, they gotta drop their flags like stuff like that.
• 36:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: We do gum by bad pride.
• 36:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was in it anyway.
• 36:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: My father was in the trenches.
• 36:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: He thought of me.
• 36:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's why I still have so much respect to honor for him in spite of like, ministerial disagreements and things like that is, man, I got so much respect for that man.
• 36:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I say that to say, ah,
• 36:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I'll never forget, I was in, I was eating.
• 36:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was still in middle school at this time.
• 36:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I never figured there was this moment.
• 36:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I would have many moments like this.
• 36:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just sharing one of them.
• 36:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there was this moment where me and my friends, we had gotten out of basketball practice.
• 36:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we were heading to the park to play some more basketball.
• 36:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So practice is that we got a little early.
• 36:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: We had a depart, shout out the wing gate park.
• 36:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Brooklyn to the U, we had the wing gates.
• 36:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And my friends, he had, you know,
• 36:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: He, he has some weed on him, like I want smoke.
• 36:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: We all like, yeah, let's do it.
• 37:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know?
• 37:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we stop at the Chinese store.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: We we brought to get some fries and some other stuff for, you know, after smoke appetite.
• 37:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I remember saying this prick, I just kept feeling weird like something bad was about to happen.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said,
• 37:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: If I'm not meant to do this, I'm going to be so specific as I got it.
• 37:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: If I'm not meant to do this, I need you to stop it from happening, without me getting in trouble.
• 37:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I would have these like sensitive moments like that was like.
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm not supposed to go here or I am supposed to go here and then I realized I didn't go to the party with them, found a friend got shot and killed like tragic stuff like that.
• 37:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, in this situation, you stop at the Chinese store, we put a low dollar this one, you can get fries for a dollar, chicken ways, two for a dollar, 50 set of PZW, so we loaded it up.
• 37:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: A right put $23,000, we load it up, indeed, that prayer came to fruition like to the T.
• 38:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: a man walks in, y'all timeling boots, he looks like us, he's just older, don't, brazen is here.
• 38:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: He walks up to us, it's like eight of us, pulls a badge out, go who got the weed.
• 38:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's got searchin' all of us.
• 38:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: takes the week, starts arresting friends.
• 38:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, I had something on me.
• 38:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, weapon.
• 38:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had a weapon on me.
• 38:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then legally.
• 38:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 38:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't need it.
• 38:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had a heavenly father's protective who's always kept me.
• 38:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had a father in my home, who did my ride for us.
• 38:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, I had two brothers in my riding for a brother.
• 38:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got three brothers now at the time.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: My youngest brother was still a baby.
• 38:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Two brothers in my ride for a brother and I still
• 38:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got this thing on me.
• 38:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: He arrest the guys who got the weed.
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: He pulls me to the side.
• 38:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Pat me now.
• 38:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what you got this for?
• 38:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, man, we have some beef for some high schoolers.
• 38:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: We only ate great.
• 39:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: We were scared that, you know, they bigger than us, they looked at me and said, not gonna take you in for this, right?
• 39:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, yeah, I'm aware.
• 39:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said, different though.
• 39:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna take this.
• 39:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need this.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go home.
• 39:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: While I'm watching my friends, walk out in cuffs into the paddy wagon, I had something on me.
• 39:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: That was probably worse.
• 39:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 39:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Definitely worse.
• 39:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he took it and he said, you go home.
• 39:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's those types of disruptions.
• 39:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's one example.
• 39:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm sharing that story and saying, those types of disruptions were just stuff like you keep bothering me and setting me free from traps, I'm trying to put myself in.
• 39:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, so that that that was the yield.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was like it was more of a bother that it was a feeling like it made sense.
• 39:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't make sense.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't understand so young.
• 39:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, why me?
• 39:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing these wrong things.
• 39:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why me?
• 39:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: But that's because I had an idea of a tyrant father.
• 40:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: who makes decisions on what he blesses us with based on our mistakes and that's just not how the father is and that's not how we should be as fathers.
• 40:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: He actually becomes the model for like, hey, yeah, you help because learn those from their mistakes, you discipline your children, but their mistakes are not the end all be all of their character and it's your job to
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: do you need to work?
• 40:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, my wife and I actually met really young.
• 40:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: We met in high school.
• 40:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, we met at high school.
• 40:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: high school sweetheart's kind of situation now there was like a period of time in younger adulthood like a couple years in college where we didn't see how to hide about some stuff and I was like now I don't think it's going to work.
• 40:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: She like I and we like right and I graduate in the grad and realized no she didn't want to use you you got a bucket she
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that, but we met, we met in high school, man, and I, I think that's the beauty of a lot of people like how did you know, you know, I love that question because you know, we do some relationship counseling and stuff like that on when I own podcast and I own channel and things like that in.
• 41:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: One of the things I tell people was like, I knew because of how many adjustments and adaptations my life made that she was willing to be like, nah, I still want you.
• 41:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was like, oh, we teenagers, we doing regular teenage stuff in high school and it's like, I think I'm called the ministry.
• 41:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, I'm with it.
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Really?
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean, like, huh, what was her background?
• 41:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: In terms of faith, faith, faith.
• 41:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's so nah.
• 41:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So her family was, quasi-Christian, they were like, seven-day event is like, through tradition, but her family barely went, they didn't go.
• 42:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what happened is that I go like, I grew up, seven-day events.
• 42:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: You do up SD8, my parents still love.
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so she grew up SD8, right?
• 42:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, which is interesting, because our parents are from Jamaica.
• 42:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's so.
• 42:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, I can, we can probably get down to a name of people that we have in common.
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy, it's crazy.
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: How's Camino?
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, right, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do they, what do
• 42:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they were like raised SDA, but I barely went, wasn't really faithful to the church, kinda in and out what's crazy is her invite to Christ like real baptism, true transformation and regeneration of her soul.
• 42:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it happened because I was trying to flex, I'm like, yo, cause I was in my, I was in a musician as well.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I played drums in my dash church.
• 43:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, a mother won't let me take out.
• 43:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't take it out of the movies.
• 43:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: A SDA, you don't really, they kind of real strict with it.
• 43:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And mom just like traditional Jamaican shout out to my mom and love.
• 43:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I love you mom.
• 43:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's my mom.
• 43:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's my mom.
• 43:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: She, you know, they real traditional.
• 43:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 43:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: She won't let me take out.
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: She won't let me take it on movies.
• 43:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: She can't stay late for my basketball games.
• 43:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, well, she can't stay for that school.
• 43:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Basketball game.
• 43:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, what, how can I spend some time?
• 43:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, yo, Friday night is out.
• 43:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's all that.
• 43:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, what's your mother that's going to my church?
• 43:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: She like, yes, I'm going to church horse.
• 43:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I say, you're I'm playing drums, you know, I mean, so I really invite us, I'll get stunned on the, I'm taking, I'm taking solos, I shouldn't take solos, but music music will directly look at him and like, what do you do?
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm because I'm trying to, I'm like, yo, I'm trying to impress this girl.
• 44:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 44:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm in fact, she, I couldn't press it through basketball, but she can't come to the games.
• 44:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: You don't want to meet.
• 44:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, I'm trying to impress this girl.
• 44:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I started to invite her to church.
• 44:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, she ended up getting saved.
• 44:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm not just like, why are you going to judge every Sunday now?
• 44:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to get baptized.
• 44:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: So she ended up getting saved at my dad's church.
• 44:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: She invited her mom, invited her sister, they didn't come, they get baptized.
• 44:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: They stopped committed to the church.
• 44:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Faithful, one became a trustee, one was one of my dad's, one like the pastor's aide, kind of committee, doing, you know, fundraising and stuff for the community.
• 44:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: They became active, got saved, you know.
• 44:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: everything baptize by my dad the whole night so it's like it was like a domino effect for her family as well man um bit daughter Denise or my niece and law uh one of the sisters daughter dedicated and christian that my dad's church and stuff like that like the whole family ended up getting integrated my father you let her father passed in 2023 god bless his soul um
• 45:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: My dad utilized him, you know what I mean?
• 45:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So like it just started being like oh wait something different over here We come over here and that's how I happened man.
• 45:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what we realized we was locked in there.
• 45:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you you grabbed you gotcha masters You already married when you were you as a are I'm yeah, I'm married when I got my so I had I had done
• 45:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And children, we had two kids.
• 45:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, when I went back to school, I was full flat.
• 45:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm in ministry.
• 45:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm traveling, I'm preaching, I'm teaching.
• 45:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't plan on going back to school to get a message of divinity to learn more about the Bible.
• 45:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I'm a student, I've been preaching for years, preachers out of 17.
• 45:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think I don't need it.
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 45:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm actually working in education.
• 45:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a dean at a middle school in Brooklyn.
• 45:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, I have a full career.
• 45:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Take care to family, making decent money.
• 45:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: We good.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I start, I start having these dreams.
• 45:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's really what it may be going.
• 45:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I start having these dreams, like I saw myself and it's going to be like, but I knew the school I was in, in the dreams, even though I'd never been to the area that I was in in the dreams.
• 46:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, why am I here?
• 46:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: But how do I know when the dream that this is where I am?
• 46:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: So after like a couple nights in a row, having the dream, I just reached out to the school and was like, yo, is anybody like a big-to-one admissions committee?
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think I'm supposed to be doing something.
• 46:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's another story in it of itself, but, yes, I was already undergrad, and then I did a social work program, a master's social program, right when I got out of undergrad, like 10 years before I went back to grad school.
• 46:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I thought I was done with school to be honest.
• 46:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I had a career, I'm working in the school, I'm an educator, and I'm preaching on the weekends, and stuff like that,
• 46:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: On the weekends, I didn't think going back to school, but going back to school is how I ended up in turning at the church, and I am now shout out to my now past the Pestadarius Daniels, big dog.
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
• 46:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh.
• 46:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's my pops.
• 46:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's my dad in ministry, man.
• 47:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: It, uh, that's how I connected my internship.
• 47:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, Princeton is not far from the New Jersey location of change church.
• 47:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 47:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's why I started in turning.
• 47:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's a gas gas gas.
• 47:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: To complete my
• 47:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Ah, I think I want you to stay.
• 47:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, that was big, too.
• 47:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: That was a whole different.
• 47:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a whole deep father conversation, too, because I had to break to my dad who's thinking once I get this degree, I'm coming to help him.
• 47:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: He could write off into the sunset, and I'm helping him take over his church.
• 47:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, Bill discharge, I'm giving some new, some new youth there and some new life blood in it.
• 47:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna help take this church to the next level.
• 47:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that was the plan.
• 47:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there a cliff nose version of how that went?
• 47:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: the conversation.
• 47:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I can give you clip notes for months, man, when I knew that I felt God say, this is your new church, this is your new leader.
• 47:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was praying for myself and I'm like, God, teaching me how to had his conversation.
• 48:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Lord, teaching me how to speak to my father, Lord,
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: A few months, I felt a spirit of God tell me man or lead me at least what I felt was a prompting.
• 48:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Say you've been praying for the wrong person.
• 48:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: You've been praying for you, but your decisions are ready made.
• 48:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what you want to do.
• 48:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: The fear you're having and having this conversation is you don't think he's going to handle it well.
• 48:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You need to pray for his heart.
• 48:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my prayers turned to pray for my dad.
• 48:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then I invited him out to our apartment where we were standing in prison.
• 48:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, you know, that can stay with us for the weekend, whatever.
• 48:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think something was happening with the girls that week at church.
• 48:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So they all come to your grand babies.
• 48:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: They have a dinner, him and my mom came to stay.
• 48:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I had a conversation with a man.
• 49:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it was almost like the lion that I was expecting became the lamb.
• 49:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Grab me by my head.
• 49:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Put my head on his chest, kiss my forehead, and just start a praying for me, man.
• 49:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, I'll never get used to it, Lord.
• 49:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: You gave him to me for years.
• 49:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not given to you for the work you called him to do.
• 49:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I, man, lost that thing, wrecked me.
• 49:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I lost that.
• 49:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ha ha ha ha.
• 49:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's the cliff knows version.
• 49:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it was deep.
• 49:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was deep psychological work.
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thinking he's going to reject and be mad and be upset.
• 49:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's the depth of it, you know what I mean?
• 49:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't want to gloss over.
• 49:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want people to miss the lesson in knowing that your calling isn't what your parents expected.
• 49:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: In a way that your parents expected,
• 49:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: especially when you have such a reverence form like it like even to this day is some conversations that are tough for me.
• 50:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not out of fear, but because I know that like.
• 50:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The generational difference won't allow doing a reconcile certain things.
• 50:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that that that I know to be the way has the truth though.
• 50:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: we are any any parent.
• 50:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is this is anybody okay.
• 50:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: When the baby is born.
• 50:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Every parent is raising their child for generation.
• 50:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: They have not experienced personally.
• 50:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it goes back to that partnership with having right in terms of parenting.
• 50:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: you're trying to give them the way, but by the time they get your age that way is going to be antiquated.
• 50:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there's some things that are transferable and universal, like man, be a person of honor, be a person of integrity, right?
• 50:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Principles become universal, but you also trying to raise them for the practical and it's like, you need prophetic insight to even know what it would take for them to like, what major should they major in?
• 50:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So like, my grandmother, I thought to my grandmother who just turned 90, come on to go.
• 50:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I thought some of my grandmother man praised God.
• 51:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I don't want to fall with her.
• 51:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's just so happy I went to college and got a message that because to her, it's like, oh, that's into me.
• 51:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, you don't know.
• 51:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's something people with masses, with masses that is so much debt, it's like, it's the new bachelor's.
• 51:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the new, it's the new bachelor's.
• 51:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, that ain't nothing.
• 51:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 51:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I say that to say, this is why.
• 51:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: We got to have a conviction D about parenting that understands this and not a lot of parents are going to accept this, but hit hit me out, y'all hit me out.
• 51:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's two conversations we have to have, a conversation of origin and a conversation of ownership when it comes to parenthood and here's what I mean by that.
• 51:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: We got to know that our child's purpose didn't start with me and mom coming together.
• 51:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you start there, in the words of a good friend of mine, Marcus Rosier, if you start there, you already started to late, because Jeremiah won and five, the conversation, God has with Jeremiah, which I believe is applicable for every human being, is before you were formed.
• 52:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And your mother's womb, speaking of the physical, I already knew you.
• 52:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: So he speaks to an intimacy that predates mom and dad's connection.
• 52:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: So the origin, when we're parenting, what we got to understand is we are parenting
• 52:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: We think it started with us, but it did it.
• 52:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's how that sailed over, I'm sure.
• 52:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't start with us.
• 52:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: It started in heaven, it started the valley.
• 52:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: So if they got here through us, that means we've been invited by God in the partnership to raise a purpose carrier.
• 52:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So then now that has the question of we move from origin, now we have a conversation about ownership.
• 52:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know we call them our children like, I got three daughters at home.
• 52:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got five kids, right?
• 52:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they're my kids, but really, Stuart, who did belong to?
• 52:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: We move from owner to Stuart, because when I realize I'm actually helping to raise someone who belonged to someone before me, I take care of them differently and to live without you.
• 53:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Parenting is wow, don't rush people, it's wow, yeah, it's wow, yeah, so you got to have origin in ownership competition because did you approach it not with a arrogant authority you approach it with with with with humble stewardship Oh, this this oh boy, this this this this podcast certainly has unarugmented me
• 53:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: in the most necessary way.
• 53:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it'll do that too.
• 53:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Most necessary way having five, too.
• 53:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I call them algorithms, because number one didn't necessarily inform how to do number two.
• 53:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Number two has nothing to do with four.
• 53:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And five is sitting here and he's like, he has a head of, you know, I mean, comes to this, it's way different, right?
• 53:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wait and coming to Grants with,
• 54:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know a thing that I have to figure out when that works by ABCD, EFG and every other part of life.
• 54:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 54:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't work like that.
• 54:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: No.
• 54:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: No.
• 54:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: X, M, R, F.
• 54:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: be all out of 15, all out of order.
• 54:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm saying all out of order, and it's being for me, it was being honest enough with myself that it's okay that I'm still learning.
• 54:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because I came into it with, no, this, no, people know me for, yeah, this is how I get, this is where I'm celebrating this is when I know a thing.
• 54:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: to come home to six other people, and you don't know all of the things that they need to know?
• 54:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was rough on me, but it's been an undone.
• 54:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's an undone, but let me tell you something that I hope is encouraging.
• 55:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Any parent that can say what you just said, that embodies the posture of a student,
• 55:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: will be light years ahead of people that think they got it downpack.
• 55:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: It is, it is the awareness that I have to keep learning, right?
• 55:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I actually am, I'm actually writing about this right now.
• 55:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: This concept of dual apprenticeship, right?
• 55:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, parenting is like a two-way journey.
• 55:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 55:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 55:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right?
• 55:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, hey, I'm going to use the Bible as my framework, right?
• 55:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So let's take Proverbs.
• 55:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know we look at Proverbs as like a collection of why saying from Solomon and other stages that wrote it.
• 55:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: But Solomon was really writing to a son.
• 55:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you really do some studies, he's writing to a son.
• 55:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: picture of what it looks like to provide your child with wisdom for them to grow into thriving responsible adults, right?
• 56:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's part of our job as parents.
• 56:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Would you agree?
• 56:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Problems is the only book my father made me read.
• 56:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so, so that's a, that's a, that's a father in totality.
• 56:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that we didn't read them.
• 56:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That you didn't read.
• 56:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm, I'm tracking.
• 56:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, there's fastwares in a new testament.
• 56:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: The disciples have an an argument in Matthew chapter 18, right around verse one.
• 56:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: They have an argument about who's the greatest in the kingdom.
• 56:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Jesus didn't grab the child, pushed the child in front of them.
• 56:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he says, unless you become like them, you won't enter into the kingdom of heaven.
• 56:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So let's put this in God.
• 56:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's put these things intention.
• 56:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: As a parent, I have a responsibility to like Proverbs, give them all the practical wisdom I have to raise them into being good adults, thriving adults, purpose-filled adults.
• 56:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why is adults?
• 56:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I help them navigate this earth.
• 56:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Matthew 18 tells me that a child helps me navigate towards heaven.
• 57:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: They are always teaching us to be childlike.
• 57:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, we teach them how to be responsible adults.
• 57:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And both are equally as valuable.
• 57:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: I help them grow in earth.
• 57:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: They help me become like a child and get to heaven.
• 57:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Unless I become childlike, I don't make it into the kingdom of heaven.
• 57:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: So now you have this dual apprenticeship working.
• 57:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm always learning and in the past year of a student because
• 57:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Learning that I don't know everything about them teaches me humility.
• 57:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's how come it gets me in the heaven.
• 57:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Learning that I don't know all about them teaches me curiosity.
• 57:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's how I get in the heaven.
• 57:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: It teaches me imagination, creativity, how to do relationship, how to lean on them, how to let them lean on me.
• 57:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: It teaches interdependence.
• 57:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It teaches community.
• 57:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's how I get in the glory.
• 57:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm learning from them.
• 57:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 57:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, they are learning from me.
• 57:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And both are equally as valuable.
• 57:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there's constant two way learning and a less we remain in the posture of a student and understand I'm studying someone that I did not originate because they started in heaven and that I do not own.
• 58:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was going to happen.
• 58:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because they belong to him.
• 58:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was going to have to breathe for a lot of people.
• 58:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: It all start with you.
• 58:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: That was sailing right over a lot of times.
• 58:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It all start with you.
• 58:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: It all start with you.
• 58:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Physiologically you can make an argument.
• 58:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Scientifically you can make an argument.
• 58:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Divinely I can make an argument.
• 58:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't start with you.
• 58:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: their purpose, they come already pre-wired with inherited purpose.
• 58:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your job is to help them uncover it and stew it them towards it.
• 58:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not make them do what you want them to do based on your picture of what the best version of life is like.
• 58:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because by the time they reach what you think is the best version of life is going to be outdated and antiquated.
• 58:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to break this up, what you want to do, I don't know what you want to do, you tell me I don't know what this series is going to be called, but this is so heavy.
• 59:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You won't play a rope, this is the goal man, what kind of dad would your children say you are, man, I laugh because
• 59:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a make a loop back to that answer.
• 59:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: My wife baby, I love you.
• 59:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
• 59:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: She got me married.
• 59:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I tell us stories.
• 59:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I say you bought this.
• 59:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: You said she got, she got me better.
• 59:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I tell her story.
• 59:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I don't, she, she told me today.
• 59:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: She said everything is content.
• 59:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what she told me.
• 59:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: She said everything is content.
• 59:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: What a great.
• 59:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's what a great a good.
• 59:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So baby, I love you.
• 59:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I did something I never thought I would do when that is.
• 59:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my father didn't get me my first cell phone till I was a senior at high school.
• 59:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: To this day, I have friends that like I'm still cool with, that I went to high school with and I'm 37.
• 1:00:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, all my friends at Fonts is Freshbid in sophomore year.
• 1:00:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Nokia's in, in, in, chirps in, boost mobiles in the whole night.
• 1:00:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't, was there first on iPhone?
• 1:00:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, it was a little Samsung flip situation.
• 1:00:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yes.
• 1:00:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: iPhone's got popular.
• 1:00:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think the first iPhone, let me say, I graduated high school 07.
• 1:00:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I started college 0708. iPhone, iPhone.
• 1:00:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: First iPhone came out was 10 years.
• 1:00:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see, I graduated 97.
• 1:00:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so we're trying to place that.
• 1:00:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, first iPhone came I think O-A-07 something like that.
• 1:00:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: First one I got was at 2,000 and nine.
• 1:00:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I came back from my rack.
• 1:00:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and when I went over there, I didn't have one.
• 1:00:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, I came back to that.
• 1:00:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I think the first model dropped from my mistake and I'm not a tech historian.
• 1:00:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think O-7, O-E, right?
• 1:00:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my freshman year college was the first person I saw with a iPhone.
• 1:00:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, but we still was messing with side kicks blackberries to hold not right.
• 1:00:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I said to say I didn't have my first fall till seeing it in high school.
• 1:01:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I was in seven.
• 1:01:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was having my third house.
• 1:01:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, having a moment, right?
• 1:01:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a beautiful journey, bro.
• 1:01:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I didn't get so even today's day, I still have friends there at last because my wife laughs at me.
• 1:01:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm like, I'm not sort of like a roller dance.
• 1:01:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I still remember, if I, if you give me your number, I actually still memorize numbers.
• 1:01:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can fire off several people's numbers who I went to high school with.
• 1:01:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I remember my wife's first self on this year and got the same number right now.
• 1:01:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Still remember because I didn't have a phone, so I couldn't store numbers.
• 1:01:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I used to memorize people's number.
• 1:01:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I still do that, right?
• 1:01:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I say that to say,
• 1:01:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I told myself, I didn't tell, I didn't say I will wait till my kids hit, become seniors, but I was like, I'm a weight.
• 1:01:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think, you know, two of my screens and stuff like that is also damaging and studies can show, you know, how what is doing to their social connection and intelligence levels and people awareness, emotional intelligence, all those things are being impacted by the inundation of screens and mediation happening in our, in our generation.
• 1:02:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: But,
• 1:02:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: I surprised my daughters with their first cell phone, saved them back in four years, even though they young.
• 1:02:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I surprised, of course, to put the certain parameters on them, time, blocks, and stuff like that, apps, they can't download the whole nine.
• 1:02:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I surprised them with their first cell phone since past Christmas.
• 1:02:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: And my second board daughter, Zara, she saves me in my wife's numbers in her phone.
• 1:02:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: And...
• 1:02:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: My name, my name in her phone is fun land data, fun land, fun land, I'm fun land, I'm fun land, I'm
• 1:02:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I think it's just, it just is what it is, but I'm not like not a disciplinary, and I'm not not an authoritarian when I need to step in and leverage authority.
• 1:02:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I believe the strongest authority you could ever have is through influence, man.
• 1:02:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I influenced them through my example, through my model.
• 1:03:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I make sure even if I come home a little late, I'm like, hey, baby, let the kids stay up.
• 1:03:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't play one round of trouble with them.
• 1:03:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let me play it.
• 1:03:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let me play it.
• 1:03:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let me play a game of connect for, yeah, it needs to really be a board game family, bro, which I also inherited from my dad.
• 1:03:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: My dad was a bit.
• 1:03:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now I remember when Tom's was tight financially, he couldn't get all the stuff that's neither the video games, my father would, he would go.
• 1:03:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Walmart or so, Target or something like that.
• 1:03:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: He get a stack of new board games.
• 1:03:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And our Christmas break, we try and all the uno's.
• 1:03:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: We got mad.
• 1:03:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I learned I've been playing spades as I was 10 years old.
• 1:03:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm talking about my dad was a board game guy.
• 1:03:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm that way.
• 1:03:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: We the watch, we the watch.
• 1:03:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: And right now we just, we just finished first for it's a bill here.
• 1:03:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we watch whole series together, not the new bill here.
• 1:03:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like old school first for it's a bill here.
• 1:03:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now we watch a smart guy.
• 1:03:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like my girls are like old souls, even though they young children.
• 1:03:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: we watch shows together movies, shots to both to my two oldest daughters.
• 1:04:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: They both just made honor role in their school and one of principals award for both of them.
• 1:04:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Things like that.
• 1:04:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my role just, uh,
• 1:04:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't work for science, the highest average GPA, or a whole grade for science.
• 1:04:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: So she a little STEM chip.
• 1:04:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So man, I'm proud of them.
• 1:04:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Super proud of them.
• 1:04:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm also that guy that teaches them, hey, I was well at the competition school too.
• 1:04:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: One scholarships, salute the tour again, on a roll on my life.
• 1:04:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 1:04:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: They're well, deezless, things like that.
• 1:04:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was one of those students.
• 1:04:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: When I be grad school eventually, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like I did that stuff.
• 1:04:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm the guy that's way more concerned about the heart behind why you're going after stuff.
• 1:04:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there are lessons that I believe my younger siblings were taught because they got a more trouble.
• 1:04:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there's stuff my parents set them down and spoke about because the trouble they got
• 1:05:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: extracted that out of my parents, like it called them up, but I don't know that we had good conversations about accomplishments.
• 1:05:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we had good conversations about consequences, not good conversations about accomplishments.
• 1:05:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm also that guy that like, hey, after you went on the road, hey, tell me what it took for you to get there.
• 1:05:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Diligent daddy, study, I had my time management, I had to do better with time management.
• 1:05:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I make them, I don't just like, hey, we proud of you.
• 1:05:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's get some cake tonight.
• 1:05:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's, you want something?
• 1:05:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's sit around.
• 1:05:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about how you got that.
• 1:05:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that we can land on, what are the core values emerging in you as a young person to help get that?
• 1:05:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: as much as you probably think I do.
• 1:05:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your school do.
• 1:05:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Daddy don't.
• 1:05:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:05:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know that's what make a lot of parents proud.
• 1:05:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know because that's because we want to treat our kids like trophy cases that we can display and your child is not your trophy case that goes back to ownership.
• 1:06:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: It goes back to origin.
• 1:06:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: They not your trophy case.
• 1:06:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can be proud of them, but they're not your
• 1:06:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm the type they call me fun land at it, but in addition to being a fun land at it You know, we have push-up competitions daddy.
• 1:06:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I bet I could be trying to race man How beat you to race run it backwards?
• 1:06:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we made content out of it the whole nine That was a dysfunctional family TV you know the vibes you know, but man it's it's I like that fun, but even through a accomplishment and awards and my girls doing good I don't want them to I don't want them to be trophy hunters.
• 1:06:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah
• 1:06:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to be value-hung this man, and that's just my style.
• 1:06:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's just my style.
• 1:06:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I like it.
• 1:06:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mentioned in the recent episode that I'm not the report card there.
• 1:06:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:06:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't want you to be failing.
• 1:06:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I want you to be a summer school.
• 1:07:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's so much information in real time.
• 1:07:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 1:07:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you, if I was to be surprised about their grades, I failed.
• 1:07:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
• 1:07:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: The five and a half weeks leading up.
• 1:07:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
• 1:07:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
• 1:07:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
• 1:07:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to, I'm going to share this quick story.
• 1:07:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: I remember one of my daughters.
• 1:07:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: She got a first attention ever couple months ago.
• 1:07:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: We actually made content out of it.
• 1:07:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: We made it last.
• 1:07:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: We made it fun.
• 1:07:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: But when we got the call, it was like, what?
• 1:07:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not that you, it's like, what she do, I got it, I laughed my wife, we giggled about it when we got the code, not because it didn't matter, but we knew it was something that we're gonna have to have a conversation about values and character, like, because she was trying to be good to somebody in a way that she shouldn't have been.
• 1:07:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I knew it, and when we got home, guess what the explanation was, a friend passed up, he's a favorite, teach at a piece of paper, he didn't study.
• 1:07:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: and out of the nice, the sicker passion of a heart, she was trying to help him on his test.
• 1:07:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it was like, baby, let's have a conversation about good friends and what position they would put you in if they were really a good friend.
• 1:08:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 1:08:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it was like, that's a different conversation from pop, pop, pop, what you're doing in detention.
• 1:08:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:08:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So even then we approach, that's good.
• 1:08:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Consequences are just a little bit different, you know what I mean?
• 1:08:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's good, man, that's, I'm proud of you, my brother.
• 1:08:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, likewise, bro, having that approach, having that awareness, having those relationships in your house, man, that's something that I learned of.
• 1:08:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I won't say value-late, but cultivate.
• 1:08:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, cultivate-late.
• 1:08:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I do things at a lot of issues that only exacerbated issues.
• 1:08:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I feel that.
• 1:08:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I still say this so much.
• 1:08:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's what you share, man, it's, it's the posture of a student like I'm still learning it's so much I'm still learning here's what I do know here's what I do know I know that my oldest daughter is 11 years old what have I not experienced I haven't experienced high school get what have I not experienced I haven't experienced it first day see I know that there are things that's going to
• 1:09:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: push me in a way that I'm like, Oh, yeah, I was good at that when it was eight, but you know what I mean to like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
• 1:09:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: As I've mentioned earlier, I'm writing about this dual apprenticeship concept, but this also this thing I'm talking about, like all grand pains, like, hey, when you see, shoulders broad and then just getting bigger, feet getting bigger.
• 1:09:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: You notice the clothes you're getting, you've got to pay more money for clothes.
• 1:09:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's also a sign that something else is growing.
• 1:09:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Capacity for moral and character and integrity lessons.
• 1:09:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, hey,
• 1:09:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: that physical shift is also a sign that you should be having other conversations.
• 1:10:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, I'm aware that I need to remain a student.
• 1:10:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because a hold on, we're buying bras now, hold on.
• 1:10:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: That means I got to have other conversations.
• 1:10:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wait a second, we get manicures and pennies now.
• 1:10:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have to have other conversations, because it's also a sign that something else is being developed.
• 1:10:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not just the body that's growing, and if you're not intuitive enough, you'll let the body grow in the mind stay in mature, and you'll have the conversation too late.
• 1:10:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: but if you remain a student, those physical growing pains also come with your own character growing pains as a parent.
• 1:10:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, oh, I got a shatter.
• 1:10:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: His or I've learned.
• 1:10:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've had to shatter what made me successful in one season and relearn what it looks like to be a successful father of thriving father in the next.
• 1:10:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So throwing my two-year-old on my shoulders,
• 1:10:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's all shit.
• 1:11:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: If I'm feeding her, she got a roof over her head and I can toss her up.
• 1:11:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what makes me a good dad.
• 1:11:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: It hurt my head.
• 1:11:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's too.
• 1:11:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: She.
• 1:11:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: She don't need.
• 1:11:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: She don't need, but she's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he let me watch show.
• 1:11:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't see a screaming a holiday my mom and my mama.
• 1:11:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: We all right.
• 1:11:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: My now your role is like You take it off work to come this on the ceremony, right?
• 1:11:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, shoot.
• 1:11:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got to take a work.
• 1:11:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: All right, let me talk to my boss.
• 1:11:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: We got to boost some things around because what means something to her is different than what mean something to my two-year-old.
• 1:11:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: My level role is like, Hey, Daddy, I want to talk to you about the size project.
• 1:11:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, God, our size wasn't my thing, but we could talk about it.
• 1:11:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Sure.
• 1:11:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's go.
• 1:11:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because what means something to what what you value at that age in your life is different.
• 1:11:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I don't shatter,
• 1:11:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: the perception of what I think makes me good or successful?
• 1:11:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And relearn what it looks like to be good in success to you is like, oh, I'm going to get, I'm going to either get caught behind or I'm going to try to keep pulling you back as you grow.
• 1:12:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're going to be trying to age grow mature and I'm going to be trying to pull you back so I can look like a good dad.
• 1:12:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I self-ish-parent it, man.
• 1:12:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm rambling.
• 1:12:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let me stop.
• 1:12:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
• 1:12:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's no all season yet.
• 1:12:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.
• 1:12:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the peace of it.
• 1:12:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: No all season.
• 1:12:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she's up there to end it with in terms of what's important to them.
• 1:12:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Always acknowledge what's important to them.
• 1:12:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Got to no matter how foolish it sounds in comparison to your.
• 1:12:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, nail priorities.
• 1:12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 1:12:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you can't you can't shift the burden of
• 1:13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: your collective stresses to diminish where they're stressing them.
• 1:13:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, because watch this, I'm gonna give a real practical example.
• 1:13:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: As a father, I have a parent, but particularly this is a decent pocket.
• 1:13:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: So as a father, things like safety are priorities.
• 1:13:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 1:13:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: You probably see a child doing some on safe.
• 1:13:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, hey, you shouldn't do blank blank blank blank blank.
• 1:13:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:13:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if the conversation is always stop, get down, don't, stop, stop, stop, stop.
• 1:13:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Here's what you won't find out.
• 1:13:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You won't find out if they're gymnasts, you won't find out if they're athletic, you won't find out, right?
• 1:13:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, Gabby Douglass or Simone Bowles, at some point off the couch.
• 1:13:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was off the couch, it wasn't just throw them in gymnastics.
• 1:13:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure at some point, you like, she just tumble, wait a minute, she had to go back then, hold on, pay attention.
• 1:14:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Pay attention because your priority is safety, their priority is discovery and those two things are sometimes incompatible and you have to find a way to create safe parameters while they discover.
• 1:14:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: So they feel like they're exploring, even though you know that you're keeping them safe.
• 1:14:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: So now you'll say, you know, I got a daughter who's, I mean, flex them on the shoes.
• 1:14:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, she can backbends and cop wheels and all this other kinds of stuff.
• 1:14:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: And after a while, me mom was like, oh, we gotta get some, we gotta get some mats around the house.
• 1:14:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let the girl do a shoot, let her flip, let her roll, let her tumble.
• 1:14:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: How's she going to discover?
• 1:14:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:14:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if all we talk about is get down, stop that.
• 1:14:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't do that.
• 1:14:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, hey, my priority is safety.
• 1:14:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not a bad thing.
• 1:14:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It is my job.
• 1:14:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if the priority is discovery, how do we make those two things compatible?
• 1:14:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because most of the time they're going to clash, because trying to keep you safe, is going to prohibit you from discovering.
• 1:15:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: is like, why does it kid right on the wall?
• 1:15:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: They try to figure something out.
• 1:15:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, don't let them write on your wall, but how do you let safety or let structure or order your house become compatible with their discovery?
• 1:15:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why do they want to taste?
• 1:15:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: What a pencil.
• 1:15:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like why are they putting that in their mouth?
• 1:15:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, they're discovering.
• 1:15:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: We got it, they're, they're, they don't know the difference between a banana mush and the Lego on the floor.
• 1:15:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, I'm discovering.
• 1:15:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You've been in this life 30 years.
• 1:15:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: You've been in this life 40 years.
• 1:15:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: You've been in this life 50 years.
• 1:15:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm discovering.
• 1:15:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know about you.
• 1:15:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm too.
• 1:15:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm five.
• 1:15:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm figuring it out.
• 1:15:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got to let me figure it out.
• 1:15:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we got to make what our priorities are, compatible by paying attention to what their priorities are.
• 1:15:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
• 1:15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a question that I always ask the, anytime a guest is on for the first time, man.
• 1:15:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's do it.
• 1:15:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Full title of the show.
• 1:15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't say it often, there's a dance song when I wish my father told me, what's something that you wish your father told you?
• 1:16:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wish my father told me,
• 1:16:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: That God is the best example of Fatherhood, and not humans.
• 1:16:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I would have learned, I would have studied more what he did for us.
• 1:16:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: More than what I see, just men doing that they think is important, especially men in ministry in my context.
• 1:16:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: because we got things we think are important that are not or not as.
• 1:16:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I just wish I heard, hit that to the father that you even get your father in Blueprint, not that life.
• 1:16:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: But your father in Blueprint from.
• 1:16:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still, um, it might be gay, still struggling with why he loves me as my dog.
• 1:17:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Still, still, and I get it, still.
• 1:17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I get it very directly why I do with my children.
• 1:17:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, nothing has accelerated my comprehension and still a lot of learning, but nothing has accelerated my comprehension of God's love for us, like parenting has.
• 1:17:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's been the thing on the last few episodes.
• 1:17:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know, like I said, this was supposed to happen that I appreciate you being here on it.
• 1:17:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Before we get out of here, how can the people find you if you want to be certain?
• 1:17:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man.
• 1:17:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So my wife and I were content creators as well.
• 1:17:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So all of our channels, you can find us as at this, not D-Y-S, but T-H-I-S.
• 1:17:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: This functional family TV, that's on YouTube, that's on Instagram, that's on Facebook, that's on TikTok.
• 1:18:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: This functional family TV, y'all follow us, come be part of the fun, come get some of these gems because we drop a nose every once in a while and yeah man, y'all come follow the family content there.
• 1:18:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you want to follow me just as a pastor, as a minister, I'm on Instagram at the
• 1:18:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Part two and a a a part two and a you come fill up on me.
• 1:18:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I would be interested in that For the form we gonna make it happy all I could say is man y'all are welcome I know that I know that y'all were blessed by this man pledges mine shout out to the shout out to the community man the pledges mine That's my door for this episode.
• 1:18:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: We appreciate you guys got bless your peace