Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to avoid toxic positivity

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how to avoid toxic positivity · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  Imagine that you're talking with a friend and sharing that you've
• 0:03
  had a really, really tough day. You're opening up about how
• 0:07
  overwhelmed and sad you feel, and they respond with just look
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  on the bright side. Or it could be worse.
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  Now they probably mean well, but how does that response make you
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  feel? It might leave you feeling
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  dismissed or like your emotions aren't valid.
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  This is what we call toxic positivity.
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  While positivity can be and is a powerful tool for resilience,
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  there's a line where it becomes harmful.
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  Today, we're exploring that line in the potential dangers of
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  toxic positivity, how it can silence our feelings, harm our
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  relationships, and even stall our mental health growth.
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  But don't worry, we'll also talk about how to strike a healthy
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  balance, where positivity lifts us up instead of tearing us
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  down. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Before we start, I want to remind you I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a professional in the mental health industry.
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  I'm just a guy with some big, big feelings who has talked to a
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  lot of other people with big feelings.
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  And I just want to start the conversation on mental health
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  awareness. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Let's start with the basics.
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  Toxic positivity is the belief that we should focus on positive
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  emotions and reject or suppress anything negative, no matter the
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  circumstances. Think of slogans like good vibes
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  only or advice like just be happy.
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  On the surface, it seems harmless, even encouraging.
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  But here's the thing. It creates a culture or idea
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  where sadness, fear, and frustration are treated as bad
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  or wrong. The thing is, all emotions,
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  positive or negative, do serve a purpose.
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  They're signals, like Rd. signs, guiding us through life.
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  By dismissing negative emotions, toxic positivity teaches us to
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  ignore those signals. And when we ignore our feelings,
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  we lose the opportunity to process them, understand them,
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  and ultimately grow from them. Sometimes these signals are
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  telling us when something is wrong.
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  Maybe when we're being treated poorly.
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  Maybe when we're treating ourselves poorly.
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  They can sometimes be a sign of the fact that we need to look
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  inward and maybe do some more work.
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  They can help us grow in this way by understanding that side
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  of us. Losing this opportunity to grow
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  can become incredibly harmful. When we hear this motto of just
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  smile, get outside more, talk to others and you'll be happy, it
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  dismisses the real devastating impacts of mental illness.
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  Someone fighting with depression cannot just smile.
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  It's almost impossible to just get outside more.
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  There's literally an imbalance within their brain chemistry.
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  Their brain is attacking them and this toxic positivity is an
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  impossible remedy. When someone who is struggling
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  with depression is faced with this advice and it then doesn't
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  work, they may begin to question what's so wrong with them.
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  Shame sets in as they wonder if everyone else can be happy off
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  of this advice. Why can't I be?
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  This is so isolating within a mental illness already plagued
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  with isolation. We then may bottle up our
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  emotions, which of course can lead to further harm and
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  isolation. Studies show that bottle up
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  emotions lead to more mental harm like increased anxiety,
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  stress, depression and other mental illness related feelings.
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  But what a lot of people don't know is it can also lead to
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  physical harm. The chronic stress from having
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  all of these emotions pent up inside can literally increase
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  your risk of cardiovascular disease.
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  Like this is serious stuff. So this toxic positivity is not
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  so harmless after all. Telling depressed people to just
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  be happy, to just smile, is not helpful advice.
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  It can lead someone to feeling abnormal and isolated.
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  Also, at the root of it, negative emotions are teachers.
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  We need to experience them to learn more about ourselves and
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  grow these emotions once again. They tell us what's not working
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  in our lives. They warn us of toxic
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  relationships with others. They can be regulators and
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  warning signs. Denying that part of you is like
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  denying a red light telling you to stop and slow down.
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  Now, after all of that, I want to make something very, very
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  clear to you. Positivity is not a bad thing at
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  its core, Quite the opposite. I know I've spent this whole
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  episode seemingly ragging on it, but in reality, positivity is
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  amazing. When done correctly, positivity
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  can help your mindset day-to-day.
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  It can boost dopamine when approaching problems from a
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  positive mindset. It can inspire and encourage
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  you. It can help you lead a more
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  optimistic life. But it's just important to know
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  the difference between using positivity as a tool to inspire
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  growth versus using it as a mask to cover up pain.
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  The key to walking that line is timing and intention.
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  Is your intent to force away what you're feeling with the
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  positivity or to encourage yourself?
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  Are you making yourself feel guilty for not being positive?
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  Or are you acknowledging that some days are just too hard to
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  adopt that optimistic mindset? Positivity works best when it's
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  paired with empathy and understanding.
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  For example, instead of saying just be happy to yourself, you
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  might say I know this is hard and I believe I'll get through
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  it. The intention and the way in
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  which we phrase our self talk is so important.
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  Talking to others in this way is also important.
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  So we should all practice emotional validation.
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  When you or someone else is experiencing negative emotions,
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  take a moment to acknowledge them.
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  Instead of saying to yourself or to someone else don't feel that
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  way, try saying it's OK to feel this, let's talk about it.
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  Give yourself permission to feel.
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  Have a bad day, sit with those feelings, wallow with them for a
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  bit, and then give yourself a helping hand of positivity.
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  Know that it will work out and these feelings are temporary and
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  they will pass. It takes time to shift your
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  mindset and to be kinder to yourself and to practice helpful
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  positivity. But if you take that time and
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  engage in kind, positive self talk instead of shaming yourself
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  with toxic positivity, you will see a difference.
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  At its heart, positivity is a beautiful thing.
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  It can inspire us, keep us going through tough times, remind us
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  of life's beauty. But when it's misused, when it's
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  wielded as a way to dismiss or silence emotions, it can do more
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  harm than good. So let's aim for a balanced
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  approach. Let's make room for sadness,
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  anger and fear alongside joy and hope.
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  Because healing isn't about feeling good all the time.
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  It's about feeling everything and learning from it.
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  That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  Thank you so much for joining me.
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  If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
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  my music on all platforms. Under the name of Ethan Jewell,
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  I make mental health spoken word poetry that I think you might
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  find really impactful. Also, you should shoot me a
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  message on my Instagram at Jewel Boy under score with an I and
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  let me know what you thought about today's episode.
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  So thank you so much for joining me.
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  Thank you for helping me find the line between toxic and
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  helpful positivity. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.