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Rapport First: The Key to Effective Counseling · Professor Peterson’s Psychology Classroom

• 0:15
  So building rapport, uh, and this
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  is an essential skill. I don't even— not only
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  in counseling but in any relationship we
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  get into, but it's especially important
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  in the field of rapport, in the field of counseling.
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  Okay, and I,
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  I'm just going to bring up a personal example of rapport.
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  Um, I recently had to change my counseling.
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  Yes, your, your, your professor does see a therapist
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  at least once a month to check in make
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  sure, you know, every— all the gears in me is working.
• 0:57
  And I recently had to change, and the therapist
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  that I went to, um, I started saying
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  what, uh, I mean, I— the things that I needed
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  to talk about and all these things, and they instantly went in,
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  okay, I have a skill for that. Oh, we— I'll
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  get to that. I have some excellent techniques you can take,
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  can do. Um, and I would say something else
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  and they'd go, oh, I have this great mindfulness thing.
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  And we'll get to that. Okay.
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  Uh, I want to tell you up front, uh, that counseling
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  session lasted 2 times and I was like, no,
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  I'm not gonna sit and talk to this person if
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  they're not even gonna take the time to get to
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  know me? And this is the important component
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  of rapport. So let's get into this one.
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  So to give it some definition,
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  I'll just kind of read from the slide. Please forgive me.
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  But rapport— to work well with a client,
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  we need to establish rapport with them.
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  Rapport is important whatever model of counseling
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  we use. Rapport means a
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  sense of having connection with a person, and you will
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  notice that that part is bold,
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  that we need to create a relationship with
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  the person we're going to work with. Rapport will be,
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  will be helped and facilitated by how the counselor
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  manages their own feelings, towards the client
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  and how they behave with the client.
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  And this last bullet, this 3rd bullet, I think is
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  the most important. You will notice our clients
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  have no responsibility of
• 2:59
  creating a relationship with us.
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  It's not their job to
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  say, to create connection with us.
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  That is our job. So let's
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  get into rapport building. So,
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  um, one, and we've emphasized this
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  throughout the class, and I said I would bring this up again,
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  being well prepared for a session. Okay?
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  This means being unrushed, calm, ready, and prepared
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  to be there for the client. And putting
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  their own issues and problems out of the way for
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  the duration of that session. So I mentioned one of my
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  things before I enter a counseling room.
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  I do a ceremony of taking my junk
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  out of the top of my head physically and setting it outside
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  the door and then entering the room.
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  Because in normal rapport building,
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  it's about both individuals.
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  It's about my personality, their personality,
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  and seeing if they match. In the counseling
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  session, your personality,
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  your beliefs, your attitudes Everything
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  else that creates you is not
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  the key component of a successful counseling
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  session. Okay.
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  Making a safe and trusting environment,
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  including taking the trouble to make settings appealing,
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  offer— offering a restful, clean,
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  uncluttered, and pleasant setting, providing comfy seating
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  and perhaps a cup of tea. And ensuring there are
• 5:00
  absolutely no intrusions and
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  that the room is soundproofed.
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  All right, I want to emphasize on this point again. Again,
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  earlier we've talked about how to set up
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  your environment and those kinds of things.
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  I know on the TANF community,
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  I probably would offer a cup of coffee Not necessarily
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  a cup of tea unless it's the afternoon, and then I might offer some iced
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  tea. Um, but I know somewhere
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  else I would maybe offer a soda, those kinds of things.
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  So making sure, again, going back to the cultural competencies,
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  we're offering our clients what is
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  needed to establish a good relationship
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  with them. Offering them a respectful environment.
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  There's no more disrespect that you,
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  that you could show a client than having
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  them come into an office or a group
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  session that is messy, cluttered,
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  dirty, full of papers, and full of mess.
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  That is disrespectful.
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  And in order to establish rapport, we don't
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  need to show that, look, I have these style of stack of papers and
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  I'm a busy person. We don't need to
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  have all of these other piles
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  of books that say you're coming into an environment and these
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  piles of books prove that I'm knowledgeable.
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  No, that environment needs to respect the
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  individual. Uh, be aware
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  of who the client is, reading the notes,
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  reading the referral, uh,
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  and this includes doing it for the second and follow-up session.
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  Um, you guys, especially if we're working within the social services
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  system, that is stretched to
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  the brink of explosion,
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  and we're seeing potentially
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  10 clients a day, um,
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  we need to make sure that we take the time
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  to remind us of who we're seeing in that
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  moment. Okay, and I am going to give kind
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  of a warning on this. So, again, going way back when I started
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  working in the domestic violence field, on an 8-hour
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  day, I could see anywhere from 5 to
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  15 survivors of abuse in one day.
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  My caseloads were as much as,
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  I had caseloads as much as 30.
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  Up to into the hundreds. That's the
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  nature of the beast.
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  All right. And doing that amount
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  of client work and client turnover and
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  all of those things, clients can become cross-confused.
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  All right, and what I would encourage you to do,
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  especially if you're working in this high-pressure,
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  high-volume setting, is just
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  take 5 minutes before you go into a session with
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  someone and just remember who the human
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  being that is sitting in front of you is,
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  not the group of individuals that you're working with,
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  but who that individual is.
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  Through taking the time to read the
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  last week's notes and jotting
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  down after a session notes I need to remember
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  for next time, things I need to do between now and next session,
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  and remembering to read those And yes,
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  in the high-volume area of social services,
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  it is okay to say, oh, I wrote down that
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  I was gonna do 1, 2, and 3 for the client,
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  but I didn't get to number 3. And going
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  into that session and saying, okay, last time we talked, these were
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  the things that I was gonna do, but I have to totally
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  admit I didn't get to number 3. I will just
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  after this session and, and get that information for you.
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  Okay. Why that
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  is important of being honest with your client about
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  your own performance is that establishes rapport.
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  It also establishes that this is a human relationship.
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  And it's not perfect. You're not perfect,
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  they're not perfect, but you're working together
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  in order to create something better. All right,
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  so on the other end of this is
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  building rapport means offering empathy.
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  And I'm just going to read this part because I think it's very
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  well stated. This is making an effort to be
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  there with and for a client and
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  trying to see how the client feels about
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  and sees things, which is likely
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  to be different from the counselor's perceptions.
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  We come to a counseling session with our own history,
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  our own experiences, and we may in
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  our own world have
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  done something different or interpreted something different.
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  But in this moment, it's not about us.
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  It's about experiencing what the client is going
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  through and how they have interpreted it.
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  Okay, uh, second is having an accepting
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  manner. Okay, and yes, this means
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  when a client says something totally shocking and
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  they looked for shock value,
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  this means us sitting back and being non-judgmental
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  about that statement. This is what
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  Carl Rogers termed provide— offering
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  what's known as unconditional positive
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  regard. That no matter what the client
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  states, in order for shock value,
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  or on the other side needing just additional
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  encouragement to process, that we
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  sit there and we're calm, collective,
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  respectful, and acknowledging
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  what they're going through,
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  but not, um,
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  not leading into that shock. Okay,
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  being unrushed and allowing the client
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  time. This means letting
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  them say whatever they need to to say,
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  especially in those first 1 to 3 sessions.
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  In the first 1 to 3 sessions in rapport building,
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  we shouldn't be in a problem-solving mode.
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  We should be in an understanding mode.
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  We need to get the complete story
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  before we start the counseling process
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  of change, because we're not problem solvers.
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  We're there to help a person guide
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  through their experience, learn new
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  skills, learn new ways of interpreting
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  things, but that's not meant
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  to solve a problem. Okay, being congruent—
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  this is being honest.
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  In a well-considered and kindly way,
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  and not being brutally honest in confrontational
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  or rude way, uh, but gently
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  challenging dysfunctional beliefs and behaviors
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  when the time is right. Okay,
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  and I'm going to read this last bullet point. If rapport is
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  established, the client will grow trust and the counselor,
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  and good foundation is laid for real growth and
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  healing. Meaning if you did rapport building
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  right,
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  you don't have to be brutally honest,
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  because later on in the counseling relationship,
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  when you have to say or challenge or
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  say or state something that is counter
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  to what the client is stating, they're going to sit there and they're going
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  to go, okay, I think I can reinterpret this now.
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  I think I can look at this differently. But if rapport
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  isn't established in the beginning, they're going to
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  just feel defensive. And those defense mechanisms
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  that we talked about in the beginning of these lectures in this class,
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  are gonna come up and arise.
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  All right, so rapport building has to happen before
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  confrontation, before challenging
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  their thought processes, before challenging their
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  way of understanding in order to help them grow
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  and develop. Rapport has to be established.