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Your ADHD Child Isn't Trying to Drive You Crazy: Here's What's Really Going On · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl: You're in the car after school pickup.
• 0:01
  Apryl: You can feel the energy before your kiddo even gets in.
• 0:06
  Apryl: Backpack hits the floor.
• 0:08
  Apryl: They climb in, and within three minutes, they're kicking the back of your seat.
• 0:13
  Apryl: Their brothers start yelling.
• 0:16
  Apryl: They're humming the same three notes of a song over and over, and you're white knuckling the steering wheel, thinking, why can't they just stop?
• 0:25
  Apryl: It's ADHD.
• 0:27
  Apryl: Is this dopamine?
• 0:28
  Apryl: Is this sensory?
• 0:29
  Apryl: Or is it just them being an absolute little jerk?
• 0:33
  Apryl: Just trying to drive people crazy.
• 0:35
  Apryl: If this sounds familiar, you are in the right place.
• 0:37
  Apryl: Today we're going to take all of those annoying ADHD behaviors: the kicking, the rocking, the tapping, the bugging, playing the same song on repeat.
• 0:47
  Apryl: And we're going to look at them through the raising ADHD reframe lens.
• 0:52
  Apryl: We're going to get really clear on what actually matters, and we're going to let the rest be good enough.
• 0:59
  Apryl: By the end of this episode, you'll be able to look at your child's behavior and say, Oh, I see what your body and brain are trying to do here, and respond with more confidence and less resentment and yelling.
• 1:10
  Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
• 1:16
  Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
• 1:22
  Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom.
• 1:26
  Apryl: And alongside my husband, Dr.
• 1:28
  Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
• 1:36
  Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
• 1:45
  Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
• 1:50
  Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to the Raising ADHD Podcast, the podcast for parents raising ADHD kids and the grown-ups who love them.
• 1:57
  Apryl: I'm your host, April Bradford, a former classroom teacher with a master's degree turned ADHD focused coach, and here we do Raising ADHD reframes.
• 2:07
  Apryl: These are simple shifts that help you see what's really going on underneath your child's behavior, and we pair them with tiny doable steps so life feels 1% easier for your whole family.
• 2:19
  Apryl: Today's Raising ADHD reframe is about all of those annoying behaviors like the kicking in the car, like the constant poking of the sibling, the getting in people's faces, the tapping the feet, the singing the same gluey song over and over and over again.
• 2:40
  Apryl: Not that that happens at our house.
• 2:42
  Apryl: We're gonna decode what's happening in your child's brain and body, and we're gonna figure out how you can respond in a way that protects everyone's nervous systems, including yours.
• 2:52
  Apryl: All right, you ready to dive in?
• 2:54
  Apryl: Because I know for me, this is one of the most difficult behaviors and most triggering for me.
• 3:04
  Apryl: Um, especially when I'm stressed or tired, these dopamine-seeking, more hyperactive behaviors really just fit me.
• 3:17
  Apryl: So let's start with the one thing I want you to think of throughout this whole episode.
• 3:23
  Apryl: Okay.
• 3:24
  Apryl: We're going to treat our child's behavior as an attempt to regulate and not as a moral failure.
• 3:32
  Apryl: Okay.
• 3:33
  Apryl: And I'll say that again because, like I said, this is going to be our anchor, not just for this episode, but when you're sitting in the car and your child's singing at the top of their lungs this bluey song, it's like uh 99 bottles of beer on the wall, but it's from Bluey and you are about to explode.
• 3:53
  Apryl: Say this in your head.
• 3:54
  Apryl: Treat the behavior as your child's attempt to regulate, not as a moral failure.
• 3:59
  Apryl: Okay.
• 3:59
  Apryl: It's gonna help you see things in a different light.
• 4:02
  Apryl: When we can do that, we are going to get curious instead of furious.
• 4:06
  Apryl: And that's what we want.
• 4:07
  Apryl: Get curious instead of furious.
• 4:10
  Apryl: And we, when we think that, we can look at that behavior in that moment and go, what job is this behavior doing for their brain or their body?
• 4:21
  Apryl: And then we can be really intentional and jump in with a raising ADHD reframe about giving the need a better job.
• 4:31
  Apryl: So our mantra for today is curious about the job the behavior is doing, ruthless about giving it a better job.
• 4:40
  Apryl: Before we dive into how to fix the behavior, we want to talk about what's happening.
• 4:45
  Apryl: This is a super simple ADHD brain refresher.
• 4:48
  Apryl: Here's the gist of what's going on in the brain, okay?
• 4:51
  Apryl: Very simplified, right?
• 4:52
  Apryl: We don't need a neuroscience degree to figure this or to be able to talk about this.
• 4:57
  Apryl: We just want it super simple.
• 4:58
  Apryl: So an ADHD brain is often under-stimulated and under-rewarded in regular life.
• 5:06
  Apryl: So riding in the car, super under-stimulating, super unrewarding, right?
• 5:12
  Apryl: Sitting in school, trying to do the things, cleaning their room, having to sit and eat dinner.
• 5:19
  Apryl: Some kids really struggle with that because it's understimulating and under-rewarding.
• 5:23
  Apryl: These boring tasks just don't give the ADHD brain enough oomph to feel interesting or feel worth paying attention to.
• 5:32
  Apryl: So there's two big systems that are involved in these behaviors that we're seeing.
• 5:39
  Apryl: Number one is the dopamine reward system.
• 5:43
  Apryl: Okay, so the dopamine system, which is the reward system in the brain, this is the part of the brain that decides this is interesting, this is motivating, this is worth doing.
• 5:52
  Apryl: In ADHD, that system often needs more novelty, more intensity, or more personal meeting, meaning for things to light up and feel rewarding.
• 6:04
  Apryl: And then the second system that is um affecting all of this is the sensory system or the nervous system.
• 6:12
  Apryl: This is the body level system that takes in movement, touch, sound, pressure, taste, all of it.
• 6:20
  Apryl: It takes in everything.
• 6:22
  Apryl: And in a lot of ADHD kids, the sensory system either under-registers the input or it processes it differently.
• 6:32
  Apryl: So the body goes looking for more of the movement, more pressure, more sound in order to help them feel just right.
• 6:42
  Apryl: So when you see the kicking, the singing, the poking, the humming, the rewinding the song over and over, those behaviors are often your child's brain and body saying, I'm bored and I need more interest, and my body feels off and I need more input.
• 7:01
  Apryl: Okay.
• 7:02
  Apryl: So that's where the language of dopamine seeking and sensory seeking comes in.
• 7:08
  Apryl: So let me define those two in plain English for us.
• 7:13
  Apryl: So dopamine seeking is the brain chasing something that feels fun, interesting, or rewarding enough to wake it up.
• 7:20
  Apryl: And sensory seeking is the body chasing movement, touch, sound, or pressure to feel steady, calm, and focused.
• 7:27
  Apryl: So dopamine seeking is the brain searching, and sensory seeking is the body searching, okay?
• 7:36
  Apryl: And in ADHD, those two usually hold hands.
• 7:40
  Apryl: They're like best buddies, okay?
• 7:42
  Apryl: They show up together in the same behavior.
• 7:46
  Apryl: So now that we have the neuroscience, let's talk about what this looks like in real life, okay?
• 7:54
  Apryl: So we're gonna walk through three really common behaviors, and yours may not look exactly like this, but you can probably pinpoint a behavior that is pretty much the same thing, just manifesting in a different way.
• 8:08
  Apryl: So for us, one thing is picking the car seat.
• 8:13
  Apryl: And uh, if you've been a listener here for a while, you know that my kiddos are 12 years apart.
• 8:19
  Apryl: So a lot of times it's just either me and my daughter in the car alone, or me, my husband, and our daughter in the car alone.
• 8:28
  Apryl: So she doesn't have a sibling to be bugging, but when her brother is in the car, guess what she's doing?
• 8:34
  Apryl: The kicking stops and the bothering the brother comes in.
• 8:37
  Apryl: So kicking the car seat is a drives me up the wall.
• 8:43
  Apryl: That's one of the behaviors that just drives me up the wall.
• 8:46
  Apryl: Another one that happens in our house is like the rocking on we have bar stools, and she's constantly like rocking them, and they're always making noise.
• 8:57
  Apryl: Or if she's sitting at the kitchen table, there's a bar that like a crossbar under the table, and she's kicking it.
• 9:07
  Apryl: And another one that is that happens a lot is playing a song on repeat.
• 9:14
  Apryl: Do you guys have that?
• 9:16
  Apryl: You have that in your home?
• 9:17
  Apryl: I don't know how many songs that we have gone through, but it is a lot.
• 9:22
  Apryl: But we have gone through them so much that I think on Spotify we may be those fans' number one listener because the song has been played so many times in our house, and the rest of us are about to be absolutely insane.
• 9:36
  Apryl: So do you have one of those?
• 9:39
  Apryl: I would love to know.
• 9:40
  Apryl: Are we the only one that has the same song played over and over again?
• 9:44
  Apryl: But we're gonna talk about for each of those.
• 9:46
  Apryl: We're gonna talk about what it looks like, what's probably happening underneath, and we're gonna talk about the raising ADHD reframe of what actually matters and what we can let go of and how we can what we can implement to make this mitigate this behavior a bit.
• 10:04
  Apryl: So let's talk about picking the car seat.
• 10:08
  Apryl: So let's go back to the situation of after school.
• 10:13
  Apryl: Pid climbs in, you start driving, and with a few minutes you feel the thump on the back of your thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.
• 10:19
  Apryl: And brother is yelling, you're saying, stop kicking, stop kicking, and she either laughs or tells you, I can't help it.
• 10:27
  Apryl: That happened in your car, or does with us.
• 10:29
  Apryl: Or say stop and they start and they like it increases the behavior instead of decreases it.
• 10:35
  Apryl: So, what's happening under the surface here?
• 10:37
  Apryl: Three things are happening at once here.
• 10:40
  Apryl: Her brain is probably bored and fried from after school, right?
• 10:46
  Apryl: Especially if your kiddos on medication.
• 10:49
  Apryl: So for us, that afternoon, the medication's wearing off, and her reward system is dropping.
• 10:59
  Apryl: And typical life, sitting in the car, it's not giving her enough stimulation.
• 11:04
  Apryl: So she is finding stimulation, right?
• 11:08
  Apryl: Her body is stuck in a seat.
• 11:10
  Apryl: She's already been sitting in school all day long.
• 11:12
  Apryl: Now she's stuck in a seat again.
• 11:14
  Apryl: She there's no movement, right?
• 11:16
  Apryl: Movement has to go somewhere, and in that moment, it's going to her feet.
• 11:20
  Apryl: And then impulse control.
• 11:22
  Apryl: This is a big one.
• 11:24
  Apryl: This is another reason why neurotypical versus the ADHD brain.
• 11:31
  Apryl: So a neurotypical kid, you tell them to stop and they can do it.
• 11:35
  Apryl: But the impulse control that it's weaker, right?
• 11:38
  Apryl: And especially at when they're tired and they're worn out, like after school, that is going to be even weaker there.
• 11:47
  Apryl: The brakes on the brain are tired.
• 11:50
  Apryl: Even when she hears you say stop, it's much harder to actually stop.
• 11:56
  Apryl: So the question is is this dopamine-seeking behavior or is it sensory seeking behavior?
• 12:03
  Apryl: The answer is yes to both.
• 12:07
  Apryl: She needs movement for the body and interest in drama for the brain.
• 12:11
  Apryl: Now, here's the raising ADHD frame time.
• 12:14
  Apryl: Here's what we want to pay attention to right here.
• 12:17
  Apryl: You get to decide for most families, what is most important is obviously safety, not hurting people, not damaging the car, and creating a car environment where everyone's nervous system isn't on fire, and you want to like absolutely rip your hair out by the time you get home.
• 12:39
  Apryl: That child I am going to jab my eyeballs.
• 12:43
  Apryl: So that means the goal is not no movement, because we can we know that movement needs to happen.
• 12:52
  Apryl: The goal is movement that doesn't hurt or harm or bother.
• 12:56
  Apryl: Okay.
• 12:56
  Apryl: So how can we be really intentional about that and more relaxed about the rest?
• 13:01
  Apryl: Here's the simple move to do that.
• 13:04
  Apryl: Add a yes place for her feet, a resistance band at the bottom of her seat that she can push against or a foot fidget or a designated spot on the floor mat.
• 13:18
  Apryl: You could even get like a ball like they used to have them, but they don't see them as much in the stores anymore.
• 13:25
  Apryl: Like the rubber balls, like kickballs type things, but they're like in the big baskets at the grocery at the store, right?
• 13:32
  Apryl: Um, and you could put that in the seat underneath her her or his feet so that they can just sit and bounce on the ball, right?
• 13:41
  Apryl: Something like that.
• 13:42
  Apryl: Um, if they can't handle a ball, you know, they like pick it up and start throwing it around, then that doesn't work.
• 13:47
  Apryl: But some sort of way that they can get their feet.
• 13:51
  Apryl: Keep a car only stimulation kit.
• 13:54
  Apryl: So a small fidget, a poppet, something to squish, music, or an audiobook she helped choose.
• 14:02
  Apryl: This is something that I do.
• 14:06
  Apryl: I my daughter loves art and drawing, Myrtle, uh, like so.
• 14:12
  Apryl: Like um, if you haven't done Myrtle, it's like mysteries, and then you have to figure it out.
• 14:17
  Apryl: Um, pictures, like uh, the highlights, spot it.
• 14:20
  Apryl: If you're on my email list, I share these in my favorite, my three favorite things.
• 14:24
  Apryl: A lot of things I share are things that are that's one of my major battle zones.
• 14:29
  Apryl: Um, so like just like a little pack of stuff that you can just keep in the car.
• 14:35
  Apryl: And maybe it's something that it's not even kept in the back seat.
• 14:38
  Apryl: It's like kept in the jockey box or glove compartment, whatever you call it.
• 14:42
  Apryl: Um, but you pull it out when you see this behavior happening.
• 14:47
  Apryl: So a consistent script that you can use when this type of behavior is happening is your feet really want to move.
• 14:54
  Apryl: They can't kick my seat, but they can push the band.
• 14:58
  Apryl: Show me how strong your legs are on the band instead.
• 15:01
  Apryl: So there's something you can say.
• 15:04
  Apryl: You acknowledge the need, your feet really want to move, and you're giving it a better job.
• 15:10
  Apryl: That's you being really intentional about car behavior without expecting perfection.
• 15:15
  Apryl: We don't expect them to sit there and hold still and be quiet.
• 15:19
  Apryl: No, we're being very intentional about how we're helping them get those needs that they have.
• 15:25
  Apryl: Okay, let's look at the next scenario.
• 15:28
  Apryl: You're at dinner, doing homework or church, and your child is rocking in the chair, tipping back, kicking the bar underneath the table, you're picturing a trip to an ER, or just losing your mind from the constant noise or the constant worrying that they're gonna fall over backwards.
• 15:45
  Apryl: What's going on here?
• 15:46
  Apryl: This one is often mostly sensory and arousal regulation.
• 15:51
  Apryl: Rocking gives the nervous system rhythmic vestibular input.
• 15:56
  Apryl: Kicking the bar gives the legs pressure and feedback, and these movements can actually help some kids focus and stay at the table longer or stay sitting during the task of what they need to do longer, okay?
• 16:10
  Apryl: Again, the behavior is doing a job.
• 16:13
  Apryl: It is helping their body find a level of alertness that feels manageable and normal for them.
• 16:19
  Apryl: Is there dopamine in this mix?
• 16:22
  Apryl: Probably a little, but this one tends to be more my body needs movement to function than I'm chasing entertainment.
• 16:29
  Apryl: So what's important here?
• 16:32
  Apryl: Again, you get to decide, but for many families, it's obviously we keep bodies safe, we don't distract anyone else to the point nobody can eat or work.
• 16:44
  Apryl: And we allow some movement because sitting perfect perfectly still is still not the goal.
• 16:50
  Apryl: So instead of stop rocking, sit still, we can be intentional about offering an legal, and I'm putting that in quotes, legal movement.
• 17:00
  Apryl: So what do we what are we allowing, right?
• 17:03
  Apryl: So here are some options wood wobble cushions or an inflatable disc on the chair.
• 17:09
  Apryl: Again, a resistance band.
• 17:11
  Apryl: Resistant bands can be helpful in many situations, a resistance band around the chair legs for feet to push against, and a standing break mid-mill, if that's when it's happening, is like mill time.
• 17:24
  Apryl: Go put this in the sink and come back, allowing a standing spot at the table for certain parts of the mill.
• 17:31
  Apryl: And this is all of these two, if you're a teacher listening to this, can transfer right over into the classroom.
• 17:41
  Apryl: When you see a kid standing to do their work, if they're standing and not bothering other kids, let them stand.
• 17:46
  Apryl: It's their body saying that they need it.
• 17:48
  Apryl: Okay.
• 17:49
  Apryl: So a simple script here for this and your kiddo, your body likes to move while you sit.
• 17:54
  Apryl: You need to keep all four chair leagues on the ground, but you can push your feet on the band or wiggle on the cushion.
• 18:01
  Apryl: You're not fighting that need for movement anymore.
• 18:04
  Apryl: You're channeling it so it's safe and somewhat tolerable for everyone else.
• 18:10
  Apryl: Okay.
• 18:11
  Apryl: I think that's the goal here is making sure our kiddos are safe and what they're doing, their behavior is tolerable for those around them.
• 18:20
  Apryl: Now let's look at number three.
• 18:21
  Apryl: That song or that phrase, and it's suddenly the soundtrack of your life.
• 18:27
  Apryl: They play it on repeat, they sing the same line over and over again.
• 18:31
  Apryl: They poke their sibling in the same way again and again and again.
• 18:35
  Apryl: So that same repeat of bugging the sibling, playing that song, repeated behavior.
• 18:42
  Apryl: What is happening when we see these types of behaviors?
• 18:46
  Apryl: This one is often heavier on the dopamine side.
• 18:50
  Apryl: The brain loves the predictability and the emotional hit of the song or the joke or the sibling's reaction.
• 18:59
  Apryl: There's a little thrill in the repetition and a lot of satisfaction in getting a big reaction from other people.
• 19:06
  Apryl: There can still be a sensory piece to this.
• 19:10
  Apryl: Repetitive sounds are kind of an auditory stimming, but the driver here is often this is rewarding, this is fun, this is intense, and I want more.
• 19:21
  Apryl: So, what is important here?
• 19:24
  Apryl: For most families, it's everyone's nervous system deserves some protection.
• 19:31
  Apryl: Siblings are not emotional punching bags, and some repetition is okay.
• 19:37
  Apryl: Constant repetition that makes everyone miserable is not okay.
• 19:41
  Apryl: So we don't have to shut down all the stimming or all the repetition.
• 19:45
  Apryl: We just need to be clear about where and when it's okay.
• 19:49
  Apryl: So the raising ADHD reframe for this one is create a yes, here, no, there boundaries.
• 19:58
  Apryl: So, yes, that's okay to do this here.
• 20:00
  Apryl: No, it's not there.
• 20:03
  Apryl: Okay.
• 20:04
  Apryl: And offer an alternative, not just to stop.
• 20:08
  Apryl: So here are some examples.
• 20:10
  Apryl: You really like this song.
• 20:11
  Apryl: You can play it two more times out loud.
• 20:13
  Apryl: After that, it's headphones.
• 20:15
  Apryl: That sound is an outside sound.
• 20:17
  Apryl: You can make it in the backyard or in your room, not in the car.
• 20:21
  Apryl: Your brain is chasing fun.
• 20:23
  Apryl: Poking your brother is not an option.
• 20:25
  Apryl: You can tell him a silly joke or race him to the mailbox.
• 20:29
  Apryl: So there are some ways that you can set those boundaries of not completely stopping the behavior, letting them get their needs met that they need with that yes here, not there boundaries.
• 20:44
  Apryl: Here's a script you can still.
• 20:46
  Apryl: Your brain is having so much fun with that sound.
• 20:49
  Apryl: I get it.
• 20:50
  Apryl: It's too much for my ears right now, though.
• 20:53
  Apryl: Can you keep doing it in your room or outside?
• 20:55
  Apryl: Or you can pick a different way to play here.
• 20:57
  Apryl: Again, we're honoring that need, but we're not granting it unlimited access to everybody else's nervous system.
• 21:05
  Apryl: Super important, right?
• 21:06
  Apryl: Okay, so at this point you might be thinking, okay, but how do I know if this is dopamine seeking or sensory seeking?
• 21:13
  Apryl: And I want to give you three quick questions you can run through your head, and you do not have to get it perfect.
• 21:19
  Apryl: Good enough is good enough.
• 21:21
  Apryl: Ask yourself these three things.
• 21:23
  Apryl: Number one, does this look more like my child is to make the situation more interesting or rewarding?
• 21:31
  Apryl: If yes, that leans on more dopamine.
• 21:35
  Apryl: Dopamine thinking here.
• 21:37
  Apryl: Number two, does this look more like my child's body is trying to find a comfortable state with movement, pressure, or sound?
• 21:45
  Apryl: If yes, that one leans more to the sensory side.
• 21:50
  Apryl: Number three, is this happening when they're bored, tired, or meds are wearing off and it feels more intense than usual?
• 21:58
  Apryl: If yes, it's probably a mix of.
• 22:00
  Apryl: ADHD, dopamine sensory, and low impulse control.
• 22:03
  Apryl: Here's the good news.
• 22:05
  Apryl: You do not need to have a perfect label to make a helpful choice.
• 22:09
  Apryl: It's just enough to say something in your brain or body needs more input.
• 22:12
  Apryl: I'm going to protect people and property, and then I'm going to give that need a better job.
• 22:18
  Apryl: That's it.
• 22:19
  Apryl: To wrap things up, I want to give you three decisions you can make one time and then reuse over and over again when these situations come up.
• 22:28
  Apryl: Decision number one is what are my non-negotiables?
• 22:31
  Apryl: For example, no hurting bodies, no breaking things, no destroying other people's stuff.
• 22:36
  Apryl: Everything else we can be flexible about, but those are our three non-negotiables.
• 22:40
  Apryl: So what are your non-negotiables?
• 22:43
  Apryl: Decision number two is what counts as okay stims in our family.
• 22:48
  Apryl: You might decide that rocking and wiggling on a wobble cushion is okay.
• 22:59
  Apryl: I have a trampoline in our house, a mini trampoline.
• 23:02
  Apryl: That's something I've decided is okay.
• 23:04
  Apryl: You may decide that taking the cushions off the couch and jumping on the cushions is okay.
• 23:10
  Apryl: It is, this is not a right or wrong answer.
• 23:13
  Apryl: It's what's okay for your family.
• 23:15
  Apryl: What are okay stims for your family?
• 23:17
  Apryl: Pacing, bouncing a ball outside, chewing a chew necklace, all or okay.
• 23:24
  Apryl: Um chewing the chew necklace actually just reminded me of something.
• 23:28
  Apryl: The other day, I was out of town and my family called me from the car so I could hear every single person that was in the car.
• 23:38
  Apryl: My daughter was in one of these uh sensory dopamine dopamine-seeking states.
• 23:48
  Apryl: She her medicine was wearing off, and she was where she was just getting on everyone's nervous system.
• 23:54
  Apryl: Okay.
• 23:55
  Apryl: And when they called me, I could just tell, like, wow, she needs some help right now.
• 24:02
  Apryl: Right.
• 24:03
  Apryl: And then they came to pick me up from the airport and I realized she was in that same like need for sensory-seeking behavior and dopamine-seeking behavior, but she wasn't getting on people's nerves.
• 24:19
  Apryl: And then I realized she was sitting there chewing a giant wad of gum.
• 24:26
  Apryl: My husband had bought her bubble tape.
• 24:29
  Apryl: I can't remember why, but he bought her bubble tape.
• 24:31
  Apryl: And I swear she had the entire roll of bubble tape in her mouth.
• 24:35
  Apryl: And she was just chewing, chewing, chewing.
• 24:38
  Apryl: And I was like, Oh my gosh.
• 24:42
  Apryl: She this chewing the gum is filling that sensory need for her, that stimulating need for her.
• 24:49
  Apryl: And I'm like, from now on, like I talked about earlier in the episode, having like a packet of like things to do, like the fidgets and stuff.
• 25:00
  Apryl: That right there is something that I'm gonna start keeping in my car.
• 25:03
  Apryl: It's a pack of gum.
• 25:05
  Apryl: So that she can have something to stimulate.
• 25:09
  Apryl: Okay, so that would be an okay stim for our family.
• 25:12
  Apryl: For yours, you might be like, no way, am I having gum in my car?
• 25:15
  Apryl: I get that too.
• 25:16
  Apryl: So you have to decide though, what is best for your family.
• 25:20
  Apryl: You are building a menu of quotes, legal ways for their brain and body to get input.
• 25:27
  Apryl: And then decision number three is what's my script for our high risk times?
• 25:33
  Apryl: So think about car rides, dinner time, things, bedtime, that after school window.
• 25:39
  Apryl: Pick one sentence you can rely on, something you can use over and over again.
• 25:45
  Apryl: So here's an example that you can still, if you'd like, your brain and body need extra movement and fun right now.
• 25:52
  Apryl: You can't do X, but you can do Y.
• 25:56
  Apryl: So replacing the behavior, the behavior you don't want, kind of replace with a behavior that is getting that same need, feeling that same need, and is okay.
• 26:08
  Apryl: It's a legal move for your household, okay?
• 26:11
  Apryl: So plug in whatever fits for you.
• 26:13
  Apryl: You can't kick my seat, but you can push the band.
• 26:16
  Apryl: You can't poke your brother, but you can squeeze your fidget.
• 26:18
  Apryl: You can't play that sound on loud anymore, but you can listen with headphones.
• 26:22
  Apryl: See how easy that is?
• 26:23
  Apryl: We just have to replace the behavior with a behavior that is filling the need.
• 26:30
  Apryl: So we're gonna end with one experiment you can try this week.
• 26:33
  Apryl: So, number one, pick one situation, car rides, dinner, whatever it is for you.
• 26:37
  Apryl: For us, it's car rides that we have been working on.
• 26:40
  Apryl: Number two, name one behavior that is currently driving bananas.
• 26:45
  Apryl: Number three, choose one okay outlet for that same need.
• 26:50
  Apryl: And number four, write one sentence you're going to say next time it happens.
• 26:54
  Apryl: That's it.
• 26:55
  Apryl: You have one situation, one behavior, one outlet, one sentence.
• 27:00
  Apryl: Then I want you to notice does my child calm or organize a little more when they have a yes option?
• 27:10
  Apryl: See what's happening here?
• 27:11
  Apryl: We're not just saying no, stop that.
• 27:13
  Apryl: They're actually reframing it, right?
• 27:15
  Apryl: We're giving them a yes option.
• 27:18
  Apryl: How does my own nervous system feel when I see the behavior as a regulation attempt instead of defiance?
• 27:25
  Apryl: That one I want to pay attention to really closely.
• 27:30
  Apryl: Because when we start noticing these things, it does help to regulate our nervous system because our thoughts carry a huge weight in how we feel as well.
• 27:42
  Apryl: So when we think, oh, this is a regulation attempt, I can do something about it.
• 27:48
  Apryl: Whereas this is defiance, and then you're like, oh my gosh, all the time they do this, try this, never works.
• 27:54
  Apryl: And we just get angry, right?
• 27:56
  Apryl: And our nervous system like flares up.
• 28:00
  Apryl: And if you want, you can even debrief with your child later when things are calm.
• 28:04
  Apryl: You can say, hey, I noticed your body really wanted to move in the car today.
• 28:08
  Apryl: How did it feel to push on the band instead of the seat?
• 28:10
  Apryl: That helped help at all.
• 28:13
  Apryl: You're not just managing behavior by doing this, you're teaching them a language for their own brain and body.
• 28:20
  Apryl: And you're also, when you debrief with them, you're helping them realize, oh, my body needed that move, and this was something that I could do that was helpful.
• 28:31
  Apryl: Again, we want to take and raise our kiddos into confident, calm adults who know how to work with their rate ADHD and work with it instead of working against it.
• 28:46
  Apryl: So let's land this episode with one more raising ADHD reframe you can carry into this week.
• 28:53
  Apryl: When your child is kicking the car seat, rocking on the chair, playing the song on a repeat, poking their siblings till everyone's crying.
• 29:01
  Apryl: Taking this back to the first of the episode, I want you to remember the reframe for this week.
• 29:09
  Apryl: Their behavior is their body and brain trying to regulate.
• 29:14
  Apryl: This isn't moral failure.
• 29:17
  Apryl: From there, your job is not to make the behavior disappear.
• 29:20
  Apryl: Your job is to protect people and property and then give that need a better job to do.
• 29:27
  Apryl: So again, your tiny doable step for this week is pick one high stress situation, one behavior that's driving you wild, and then decide a one yes outlet for the same need and one sentence you're going to say next time it shows it.
• 29:41
  Apryl: It shows up.
• 29:42
  Apryl: That's it.
• 29:43
  Apryl: One situation, one behavior, one outlet, one sentence.
• 29:47
  Apryl: If this raising ADHD reframe helped you see your child a little differently or helped you be even 1% kinder yourself, would you please share this episode with a friend who's in the thick of it too?
• 30:00
  Apryl: And if you want a weekly reframe in your inbox, make sure you're on my email list.
• 30:05
  Apryl: I'll send you one short raising ADHD reframe you can read in under two minutes and use that same day.
• 30:11
  Apryl: So thanks for listening to Raising ADHD.
• 30:14
  Apryl: Not doing this perfectly, and you don't need to.
• 30:17
  Apryl: You're doing it thoughtfully, one small shift at a time, and that will make a bigger difference than you can even imagine over the long haul.
• 30:30
  Apryl: Okay, I'll see you next week.
• 30:32
  Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 30:36
  Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 30:39
  Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 30:42
  Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you'd leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 30:51
  Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 30:56
  Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.