Latest / The Happiness in Retirement® Hour / What if Happiness is just a Dog, A Walk, A Book, and Good Friends?
Transcript
- Bill DelSette (00:01.27) Hello, I'm Bill Del Sette, host of the Happiness in Retirement podcast. Thank you for joining me today because the road to retirement should be an adventure, a survival strategy. Today's edition is audio only. And if you like this podcast, subscribe, tell a friend about it, or simply shoot me an email, bill at happinessinretirement.com, if you have any questions. Well, today I want to talk about the topic of money and happiness and a few observations in, I don't know, 30 years or so helping people with money, whether it was in accounting early on in my life or financial planning or my own life. And maybe it would be helpful if we started with a little bit of background. and tie this all together maybe if I can. So when I was young, I really didn't have a playbook. I was actually in foster care for a few years on what's called a PINs petition, Person in Need of Supervision. Without boring it with all the gory details, like many people, I didn't have such a great quality of life as a kid. In fact, I was kind of a street kid, which may Seemed kind of sad and maybe it is in some respects, but what I learned very fast is that if I wanted anything, I needed to earn it. So I began working at a very young age in Granville, New York, slate capital of the world. I picked potatoes in Argyle, New York and I was paid by the bushel. I picked strawberries at a strawberry farm. I picked rocks out of fields on a farm. I milked cows, I bailed hay. I learned work ethic really early on and I've done everything from, as I said, picking rocks out of fields to delivering newspapers to even working on foundations, cement foundations. Bill DelSette (02:20.312) So early on I learned to work ethics. was the only way I was gonna have any money at all was if I worked. And sometimes I'd spend that money on food as a kid, which is another story. But when I look back on those times, I was pretty darn happy. I didn't have any money to speak of or very little. I worked a lot. but I had great friends and I had great social relationships. I didn't know that I was poor. I had a dog, I had friends, and my mom instilled in me a love of reading. So although she wasn't always emotionally available for her kids, including me, she did teach me about the public library system, which I am so grateful for. and I just became a voracious reader. And to this day, I love learning and reading. So back then, I spent any free time I had on simple things, going for walks with my dog, hanging out with my friends, having conversations about philosophy, which was always something near and dear to my heart. And I didn't know what I was for, and I was pretty happy. Well, of course. I put myself through college thanks to Pell Grants, Student Loans, and the New York State Tuition Assistance Program. And I found a love for economics. I graduated with dual majors in accounting and economics. And accounting wasn't my first love, economics was and still is to this day. I found a love of the stock market. And because I didn't really have a playbook, I didn't have anyone to teach me. about life per se, I made it up as I went along. But, you know, I found out something really important again, very early on, and I figured out, well, I'm going to focus on doing what I love and what I enjoy. And in the words of Bob Dylan, I learned this quote very early on, that a man is successful if he gets up in the morning and does what he wants to all day and then goes to bed. Bill DelSette (04:44.946) And that just resonated with me. So pursuing an economics degree, the accounting, all that really wasn't a money motivator. I actually, first and foremost, was working on my economics degree and it just so happens that the university at Albany, the accounting program, it's pretty tough to get into. And me and a friend, John, said, you know, we're going to apply to the school of accounting. Let's just see if we... get in because it was so tough to get in. Lo and behold, we both got in. So that's how I ended up with a degree in accounting. And I was pretty good at it. I graduated, come out, passed the CPA exam in my senior year of college. Never became a CPA because I didn't take the time to meet the experience requirement in public accounting, but I passed all four parts of the exam all at once, which, you know, to the staff, pretty proud of it. tough test. However, I didn't like it. I went out into the public accounting world and staying true to myself, even though I could make good money and a good living. said, you know, this just isn't for me. And that's another story. And that's how I get into financial planning and the investment world. My first love since I was very young. And so from a very young age, I've been self-employed, but more than that, I've pretty much done what I like and what has paid me well. Over the course of time, it wasn't so for 20 years, that I was making a whole lot of money, but I loved what I was doing. And that's what was most important to me. So again, I was doing work that was meaningful to me. It really wasn't like work, but the happiness and the meaning in my life came from very simple things. Going to the library, reading books, learning. the stock market, financial planning, economics, this idea of something called opportunity cost, walking my dogs, hanging out with friends, the camaraderie in a business. So all of that stuff was really what compelled me to really, really work hard. And of course, the money came. Finally, you know, I'm not ashamed to say I make a good living now. Hopefully. Bill DelSette (07:06.094) you're a client you think that I earn it my team earns it for sure but what I found was I wasn't necessarily any happier once I started earning a good living than I was before isn't that interesting even though I earn more money I just wasn't any happier and you know how I spend my time to this day isn't very different than how I spent my time when I was 20 or 30 or 18 for that matter although at 18, a shame to say, maybe I had a few too many beers every nap and then like most kids, but I spend my time now doing the same things that bring me happiness. And those things are again, you know, maybe walking a dog or my dogs at one time. For those of you that know me, you probably know I had eight dogs. Reading, I love reading. I read all the time. I don't even have a television at my house. So I read and I go for long walks and I love to exercise and stay fit and cross fit and talk philosophically and talk about the markets and teach people about the markets and being a financial planner and now a registered life planner as well. Man, those things just lighten me up. I just love what I do most of the time. So my life isn't much different than it was. 30 years ago or 40 years ago, it really isn't much different. Now of course, the money's nice. However, I could do without it. I believe, truly believe in my heart of hearts, that if I didn't have the money, I would still be living a meaningful, life. What a great observation. And so the other thing I learned that as I started to accumulate some wealth, helping others accumulate wealth, is that I started to worry a lot. And you start to worry, am I going to lose the money? What if there's some sort of change in the markets or in my life or legislative changes or who knows what can happen? And the more you have, the more you worry about this stuff. And I spent a lot of time warning and Bill DelSette (09:26.264) And so it made me really think about this idea of happiness and really having more stuff doesn't make you happier. It certainly didn't make me any happier. Now, don't get me wrong. Having a nice house is nice. Being able to travel is nice. but it's not the cake, it's the icing. And so I feel like as long as I can go for a walk, I can go to a CrossFit class, I can do healthy things, I can go for a hike now, I like to hike, I can hang out with my significant other and have great conversation and read and learn and grow. And man, the internet, there's just so much you can learn for just about nothing. that I literally could live the same lifestyle that I did 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. And I truly believe I would be just as happy. So being non-attached to your money, I think is so important because you start to get attached and you can make really bad decisions and you just don't enjoy life. Better to focus on meaning things that maybe don't cost a lot of money to find your happiness and your meaning, know, charity work, family. all of the things that money can't necessarily buy. And so then the extra savings, if you will, really that byproduct of living a meaningful life, then you can use for stuff that is kind of, you know, the, want to, you know, I want to travel more. Wouldn't it be fun to have a second home? Wouldn't it be nice? to go to a warm climate in the winter, whatever it is for you. And those things are just the ice and they're not the cake. So I think that's true for most of the people that we work for. They've actually found that to be true, that the money is nice, but it's not the be all and end all, that's for sure. And what ends up happening is a lot of folks end up with a lot more money at the end of their life, which they could have spent. Bill DelSette (11:42.669) I always struggled with why don't they spend it? Well, because probably, first of all, they know themselves much better than I do. But I think it's because they don't need that money for happiness and meaning. They're finding happiness and meaning in the simple things in life. The other observation when it comes to money and happiness has to do with relationships and what's going on in the world today with social media and the internet and this so-called loneliness epidemic. mean, so many people are lonely. We're the richest society in history and yet Americans are not necessarily happy. Let's face it. Why might that be? Well, do a Google search for the Harvard study on happiness and you will find a TED talk. had, I don't know, 24 million views or more. can't remember the exact number. And this study, which has been going on, I think for about 80 years, what they're finding in this study, it's an ongoing study of, I think, 800 people. It started with something like that. What they are finding, because it's an ongoing study, across decades of data. The clearest and most consistent finding is that the quality of close relationships is the biggest predictor of long-term happiness and health. More than wealth, fame, social class, or even IQ. Strong, supportive relationships. People that have them report higher happiness, they stay physically healthier, and they live longer. Well, isn't that interesting? Did it in an age where social media, you know, a lot of folks maybe don't leave their home as much as they used to, they don't go shopping as much as they used to. They don't have these relationships like they used to have. I can't remember the name of the Italian comic. I'm sure you've probably seen the skit though, where 30 years ago, someone knocked on your door. Boy, you had that beautiful living room, the spare living room with the plastic over the couch and you had the really nice furniture in there for guests. Bill DelSette (14:07.118) call it the guest room. And you just couldn't wait to have company and company would come in and man, it was just awesome. You had the good coffee and the good cake and it was fun. It was something you look forward to. And now in this skit, when the doorbell rings, everyone runs and hides, right? Interesting how things have changed. Well, that's probably this change, this shift in mindset about company and relationships, being online, social media, it's not healthy work, we're missing out on the relationships. And it's really sad. So personally, I am in a relationship business, financial planner, life planner. And I'm very, very lucky that the vast majority of my time is working with people I have very strong relationships with. But a lot of folks don't. And so, you know, missing out on the relationship side of things. And as you get older, I think it becomes harder to make friends. It becomes harder. So you really have to try to make friends. And there are different ways of doing that. And that we'll talk about it in a subsequent podcast, but really you want to have those social connections. So what is the And again, I think a lot of the folks that work with planners might already know this, that relationships should be number one, not making money, not wealth, not fame, not status, or even becoming smarter. It's relationships. Spend more time on building relationships. You're going to live longer, you're going to be happier. And number two, find the things that really light you up that don't cost a lot of money. Find out what your number is to live a meaningful and happy life. And if you have more than that, then the fun stuff, the nice-tos come into play. Traveling a little more, gifting money to the kids or to your church, know, those kinds of things. It's pretty cool. Invest in relationships and emotional connection. Find your icky guy. If you're a younger person, you're not yet financially independent. Bill DelSette (16:33.678) you're still working, I guess I should say, then find something that you truly love, that you're talented, you can learn to be really, really good at and that the world needs and that you enjoy. And if you find that as the trifecta, do what you love, do what you can make money at and that people in the world need. then, man, chances are you're gonna make good money if you do that. So this idea of too much or having more money than you may need. Paradoxically, I guess, a lot of folks don't spend it all. It's nice to have that security, to have a roof over your head. You need that. But meaning doesn't come from things that entail spending a lot of money for the most part. Now, it may for some people, I can't speak for everyone. I can tell you that I remember going to the church every week to get that box of food and the government cheese, living on welfare food stamps, not ashamed to say that, working on a farm, you know, I can remember some really happy times. And so as you acquire things though, and as you become wealthier, then it's really healthy to have this, you know, use this Buddhist concept. of non-attachment. It's just a movie on the screen. Stuff, know, things are going to come, things are going to go. Buddhist term, easy come, easy go. Don't get caught up in the market. Don't get caught up on the what ifs in the world and you know, what if this changes or this person is elected? Don't even get caught up in it. Don't get caught up on stuff. Don't be attached to your stuff so much. And then you can really enjoy life. Of course, too, this idea that generally speaking, another study, many studies done on this actually about what you should be spending that quote extra money on and its experience tend to give people more happiness than stuff. You get off the hedonic treadmill. The hedonic treadmill is just simply you buy something bright and shiny, you get that new car and for a couple of days you feel pretty good about it. But then. Bill DelSette (19:01.496) your happiness level goes right back down to some baseline. And you just keep buying more and more and you're never really satisfied. So use the extra money on experiences, maybe travel, maybe volunteering, donating money, whatever it may be. I still read, I still do CrossFit, I still walk. Now, as long as I can do those things, the money, you know, get me wrong. People who say money is important will lie about other things too. Money is important, but having more than enough probably is secondary if you can find meaning and happiness in the little things. Enjoy your money. Who cares what the market does? Of course, we want it to go over time. If you focus on things that are within your control and things that you love and things you can get paid for, if you're in your working years and you can find meaning in the little things, then you've got it made. This is Bill D'Alcetti. This has been the Happiness in Retirement Program podcast. Let me know your thoughts on this. Send me an email, bill at happinessinretirement.com and leave a comment if you're able to. We'd love to hear from you. We will see you next week because the road to retirement should be an adventure, not a survival strategy. I hope you find happiness now and in retirement.