Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Comicon for Cops

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The Fifth Hour: Comicon for Cops · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Cut booms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sole fastion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
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  Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mahllor,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: as we hang out together on this Final four Saturday,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: it is the fourth day of April. As we were
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: doing this together here the final four later today the
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: early game Illinois and Connecticut and then followed by Michigan
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: in Arizona. And I was curious where the money is,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: the public is, where the wise guys are on the
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  Speaker 1: games tonight, and so I thought we would start with
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: that and then we'll get into it. We have some
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: tales from the week to share with you on this
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: edition of the Fifth Hour. But as far as the
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: final four today, Connecticut, Yukon and Illinois. That matchup now,
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  Speaker 1: originally Connecticut was favored by four and a half points.
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  Speaker 1: Now they are a two point underdog Illinois. The fighting
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Alni are a two point favorite in that game. Now,
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  Speaker 1: in this game, the wise guys, the professional gamblers are
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in favor of Connecticut, and the public is also in
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  Speaker 1: favor of Connecticut. So there's no real shock in that game.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: It's the other matchup which is the main event in
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the final four, Michigan in Arizona. Now that that's where
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: the surprises. I surprises the right word. But Michigan, that
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: game was a pick'em. Michigan is favored by I believe
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: a point and a half last I checked. Now, in
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  Speaker 1: this matchup, the professional gamblers, the wise guys are on
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the side of Michigan. The public is taking Arizona. So
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: you've got to split in that game. Normally it's pretty
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  Speaker 1: much the same. In this case, it is not. It
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: is not the same. In Indianapolis, You've got Illinois and Connecticut,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: which which is the same slightly more in terms of
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  Speaker 1: the professional gamblers liking Connecticut than the public. But the
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  Speaker 1: Michigan Arizona game, that is Michigan getting the money from
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  Speaker 1: the professional gamblers and Arizona getting the confidence of the public.
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  Speaker 1: So remember I'm currently winning the bracket challenge and would
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: really like, really like Connecticut to get her done. That
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: would be really cool. That would be pretty cool. All right,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: So on this Saturday, pot, before we get into it,
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to say Happy National Picky Eaters Day, which
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  Speaker 1: is today. That's apparently a thing, one of these fugazy holidays,
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  Speaker 1: and the statistics on this are pretty impressive. So some
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  Speaker 1: kids are just born to not eat anything. I was
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  Speaker 1: mostly one of those cause I feel like it's it's
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: more of a case where if you eat everything, you're
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the weirdo. You know what I'm saying. I feel like,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: as a kid, it's if you're eating all kinds of
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: stuff and being very adventurous with your palette. That's not normal.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: That's not normal. So occurring some research. According to some research,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: the meal time meltdowns. I don't know if you saw this
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  Speaker 1: or not. They say that most often. I think it's
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  Speaker 1: kind of obvious. What causes kids to snap? Yeah, Vegetables.
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  Speaker 1: Thirty seven percent of meal time meltdowns are said to
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  Speaker 1: be caused because parents said, you gotta eat your vegetables.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I ate eating my vegetables, Mom, why not you need
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: to eat your vegetables? Well, I don't like vegetables, but
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: off to eat your vegetables or else you're not getting
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  Speaker 1: assert Yeah, also thirty three percent of kids complaining about
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  Speaker 1: the smell of their food, the smell of the food
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  Speaker 1: that doesn't smell good. There's also thirty two percent who
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: complained that it doesn't look good. We've talked about this
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: before on the podcast, that a lot of eating is presentation,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: how it looks, and you consider stuff tasting better based
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: on how it looks. And there's also about fourteen percent
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  Speaker 1: of kids that just don't want to try anything new.
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  Speaker 1: So happy National Picky Eater's Day. And while that is
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  Speaker 1: going on, it is also International firewalk Day. The earliest
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: record that was written down of a firewalking goes back
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  Speaker 1: to twelve hundred BC. Firewalking was mentioned in writing during
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: the Iron Age in India back in the hundred range,
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  Speaker 1: and there's a bunch of other random factoids. Tribes throughout
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Polynesia were recorded in the eighteen hundreds. In the early
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: nineteen hundreds, there was a island chain that became a
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: tourist destination because of firewalking, So there was that. So anyway,
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  Speaker 1: National fire Walking Day. Now, I've never walked on fire
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: However I have walked in the desert Southwest, which oftentimes
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: does feel like you're walking on fire. So on this
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: edition of the Fifth Hour, we've got the suburbs of
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Death Valley, the one man tribute to Vaudeville, and who
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: knows what else. We begin with this. Though we begin
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: with this, it's twenty twenty six. Now we've got cars
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: that drive themselves, these self driving Teslas, watches that tell
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: us when to breathe. You've got telescopes that can see
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: the beginning of time allegedly. And yet here I was
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: last weekend, finding myself in a place so remote, how
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: remote was it, so God forsake and so devoid of
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  Speaker 1: humanity that the cell signal did not exist. I am
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  Speaker 1: convinced the local coyotes are still debating whether fire is
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: a good idea. It was wild, so completely for part
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: of this completely off the grid, not not all of it,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: not all, but but part of it off the grid.
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking about Baker, Baker, Baker, not the touchdown Maker, or,
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  Speaker 1: as I like to call it, the desert version of Siberia.
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  Speaker 1: If there was a desert version of Siberia, this would
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  Speaker 1: be it, except with more sand and fewer fuzzy hats.
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  Speaker 1: So how did I get here? How did I end
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: up here? Last weekend? Well, let me tell you why.
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  Speaker 1: All right, I was a man on a mission, and
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: normally I don't do much other than get ready for
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: the show and maybe a few minutes on the treadmill
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: and all that stuff. And so here I am standing
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: in the middle of a nuclear powered hair dryer, questioning
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: my decisions. The answer is, as it usually is in
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: my life, is marriage. Now, my wife is a nine
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  Speaker 1: to one one operator. She spends her days and nights
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  Speaker 1: dealing with the great unwashed people that have genuine emergencies,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: genuine emergencies, and then she will come home to me,
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  Speaker 1: whose emergency usually involves the remote control slightly out of reach,
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  Speaker 1: slightly out of reach. I need a little more water,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: a little more water. Now she works at the local
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: police station, a secret station I do not name on
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: these podcasts. So that means that for me, I was
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: a volunteer through marriage. I'm the plus one. And yeah,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: so a few years ago, if you listen to this podcast,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: you know that we did this race, the Baker to
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Vegas race, and after that first time she swore my wife,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: it was over. Never again. She told me too hot,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: too many bugs, sand everywhere, in the air, everywhere, And
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: it was a blood oath, a definite listen, legally blinding
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  Speaker 1: marital decree. So naturally we were back. We were back
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  Speaker 1: doing the thing that she said she would never do.
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  Speaker 1: We drove out Thursday, a whirlwind trip to Vegas, hanging
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  Speaker 1: in the suburbs, not on the Strip, not in downtown Vegas,
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  Speaker 1: and hanging involving a slow speed chase through a landscape
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  Speaker 1: that looks like the surface of a like a burned
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: up waffle. Now on the way to Vegas, we stopped
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  Speaker 1: in Henderson at the Twisted Sour Dough. And if you
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: have not been to Vegas and had the Cheese log
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  Speaker 1: and the Philly Cheese steak cone, you haven't really lived,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: though your cardiologist might might disagree with that. So I
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: did the show that night from the Fox Sports radio affiliate,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: which happens to be the home of the Vegas Golden Knights,
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  Speaker 1: and for a brief moment I felt like a profession
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  Speaker 1: a man of the world. And then I headed to
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  Speaker 1: the desert. It all came back, It all came back.
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  Speaker 1: So Friday was a day of leisure. The final taste
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  Speaker 1: of civilization before the slow speed chase began. Now, we
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: did have a nice lunch. I hit mister Bees Barbecue
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  Speaker 1: and Henderson for my favorite brisket burger, which is a
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  Speaker 1: burger covered in brisket and an onion ring. It's kind
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  Speaker 1: of like the z Man sandwich, except it's the Vegas version.
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  Speaker 1: And that was just the opening act. Then came the
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  Speaker 1: team meeting, because I'm part of a team, you see,
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  Speaker 1: followed shortly after by a steak dinner at Herbs and Rye.
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  Speaker 1: Now I have the palette of a child. I normally
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  Speaker 1: do not consume the steak. I'm not a steakhouse guy.
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  Speaker 1: I find the whole choose your cut process to be
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  Speaker 1: a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure, unnecessary pressure.
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  Speaker 1: But I chose properly. This was the well done ribbi
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  Speaker 1: with peppercorn and onions on top, deliciol bon apetites, right,
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  Speaker 1: all those things, all those things. It was the kind
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  Speaker 1: of a meal that makes you forget about the fact
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  Speaker 1: that you're about to spend hours and hours and hours
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  Speaker 1: in a place whose primary local industry is heat stroke. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: so I'll be back for the steak, by the way,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: not the sand That was a really good steakhouse, really
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  Speaker 1: really good so Baker to Vegas. The event that I
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  Speaker 1: was part of has been called the largest police foot
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  Speaker 1: pursuit in the world, and it's essentially comic Con for cops.
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  Speaker 1: That's what it is.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: listen live.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: And instead of dressing up like Batman or Spider Man,
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  Speaker 1: everyone is wearing compression socks, carrying as much gatorad as
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: they possibly can. They got their phones out, the whole thing, hydrating,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: trying to hydrate like they're a small elephant. Now, the
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: logistics are simple on this thing, in the way that
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  Speaker 1: invading a small country is simple. The numbers are mind boggling.
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  Speaker 1: One hundred and twenty miles in the blistering hot Nevada desert,
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  Speaker 1: twenty stages, two hundred and sixty teams, two hundred sixty.
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  Speaker 1: There were teams from Canada and other random places outside.
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  Speaker 1: I think there was a team from Brazil. The NYPD
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  Speaker 1: has been in this thing. There were eight thousand participants,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: which I guess I'm part of that eight thousand. It
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  Speaker 1: started way back in nineteen eighty five with nineteen teams,
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  Speaker 1: and that's how it began. It started at Baker High
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  Speaker 1: School and now it ends at the Rio, not actual
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Rio Dejaneio, but the Rio hotel and casino, providing an
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: opportunity for you to see the finish and all that. Now,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: my job I was the follow vehicle, a quasi faux
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: celebrity driver, if you will, much like the Long Beach
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Grand Prix and other races where celebrities get to enter.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Not a celebrity though. The gig is pretty basic. You
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  Speaker 1: drive behind the runner at a blistering one to five
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  Speaker 1: miles per hour. That's it. That's it. Just follow them along.
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  Speaker 1: It's a slow speed chase. OJ was not involved. The
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: suspect is actually trying to get away from you. Yeah,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: yeah like that, and it I was, As I mentioned,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I was a supports staff. Think of me also like
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: the water boy with Adam Sandler back in the day.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: My primary responsibility was to keep track of times to
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: make sure there were no fentanyl fiends that wandered out
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: in the desert or coyotes decided to take a bite
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  Speaker 1: out of a runner. Sweaty appetizer and all that. So
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  Speaker 1: we met at the Staging Era staging area in Henderson,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: spent a lot of time in Henderson, grabbed the keys
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  Speaker 1: to a company vehicle where was given the instructions. The
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  Speaker 1: flag is up and we were off to the races.
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  Speaker 1: And then came the drive to Baker ninety minutes of
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  Speaker 1: absolute silence, right and it was oh my god, me
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: and my wife and we had a backup runner that
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: would be tapped in if one of the runners had
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: a medical situation. We had the backup runner in the
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: back of our car, a nice gentleman, pleaseolice officer. He
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: was there so fine. There were all police officers running,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: so that took place. We rean the police station had
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: rented SUVs and so we did that. We took some
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: snacks and we went out and did our thing, and
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  Speaker 1: again ninety minutes. It's a ridiculously long drive to get
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: out there. So we followed three runners, each going six
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: to nine or six to ten hours to miles, not
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: hours six to nine miles. Let's say the sun was brutal.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just hot, it was personally offended by our presence.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Hot and then disaster struck or rather, Benny's bladder became
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: a problem. And I remember the slogan back in that
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: nobody beats the whiz it's a biological fact, which is
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: still true. And I needed to use the bank of
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: porta potties at stage eight twenty stages that I remember.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Stage eight pull over, I parked. I go do my
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: business in the powder porta potty, if you will. However,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: because I didn't have the proper parking pass, the bathroom
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: hall monitor a man whose life's mission was apparently to
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: guard plastic toilets that smell like death, and this douche
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: dinged us with a five minute penalty five minutes because
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: my kidneys needed to continue to function, and so it
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: got worse. So then we we finally get to the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: point where we have to do the handoff. So there
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: had been a team prior to us that was the
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: follow vehicle. Then we replaced them. It was like stage six,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I think it was. We replaced them. So within literally
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: three minutes, I've got these San Jose cops, the follow
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: vehicle from San Jose, who are barking at me, giving
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: off major hart O energy. There was a bottleneck. I
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: was stuck. I couldn't move. I got my runner in
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: front of me, I got this other runner to my right.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know what the hell's going on. It's all
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: kinds of cluster blank and so that's going on. And
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: it was it was wild. I was I was stuck.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I couldn't move without hitting the runner, so I stopped.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: You'd think I'd get a hey at a boy, way
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: to go. Instead, it was like I committed a felony.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: These guys were nuts. They were yelling, gesturing, dude, I'm
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: a volunteer, people, I am a volunteer. I'm here for
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: the love of the game, the love of the game. Now,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: eventually we hit Parump. What a perfect name for a town, Parump, Perump, Parump,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: which is the halfway point, I am told And let
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: me tell you, it is a special place as much
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: as a special place can be. That's that level of town.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: It's located in Nye County, which was famous by late
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: night conspiracy theorists known as the Kingdom of Nye, the
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Kingdom of Nine. And this was the stopping grounds of
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the goat of radio art Bell. And this is where
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: he sat in that darkened room broadcasting about shadow people,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: kim trails and Area fifty one, all of those things.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: It is a remote outpost. It feels like it's held
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: together by duct tape and cosmic energy. A town that
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: has such a unique archaeological blend of brand new trailer
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: park homes and well, there's some whorehouses over there. It's
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: the only playoff lace on Earth I know of that
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: you can buy a double wide, get a legal date,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: and keep an I out for a UFO, all on
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: the same block. The town goes all in for the
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: race as cookies, coffee, smiles, all that stuff. There was
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: a snicker doodle thing, I'm a jig and all that
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: all right now. Meanwhile, despite my many neurotic complaints about
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: parking in Vegas and crumpy officers and all this, this
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: thing is serious business with a capital S. We saw
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: an emergency helicopter airlift a runner who had fallen ill,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: and tragically we heard that one of the officers suffered
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: heat stroke and passed away as a result of their injuries.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It's a sombering reminder that you're out there in the
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: suburbs of Death Valley, pushing the human body to the
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: limits and all that while the desert tries to reclaim
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: the body. I want the body back. It's man, it's
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: pretty wild, It's pretty pretty wild. And anyway, I sat there,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: the taste of ribbi a distant memory, thinking about the sand,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: the bugs, the heart O cops from San Jose, and
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: the five minute whiz penalty. And then I realized my
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: wife was right. I'll never ever doing this thing again
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: until next year when my wife says, you know, my
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: friend's gonna do it, and I think we should do it. Okay,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: we'll do it. Why not, we'll go there around the clock.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Who says, no, we'll go on a rampage. Speaking of rampages,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it was a moment of serendipity, a moment of serendipity
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: that happened this week on the radio. So Moving Man Matt,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: a senior Brigadier general in the Malle Militia, the Great
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Moving Man Matt, he called up to complain. He was
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: on his way back to Boston from Texas, and he
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: complained about things breaking down. And then I went back
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: and I said, oh yeah, how about this the humdinger
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: of the week. And anyway, we went back and forth
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: and all that, but Moving Man Matt inform me the
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: mobile Mallard billboard, the pride and joy of the Mallard Militia,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: the rolling monument to eight financial decisions. Wink wink, wink,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: wink wink. So it's in the repair shop somewhere in Texas,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: eighteen wheeler repairs. Not for the faint of heart. He
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: said on the air, moving Mad Matt, it's like twenty
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars to fix this car. Twenty grand, Holy crap. Yikes.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. Now Murphy's Law decided to move
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: in unpackaged bags and start rearranging the furniture. On my end,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: the primary mallardmobile is in the shop, so we pivot
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to the backup og malardmobile. This is the blue one,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: the car that was beloved by Family Feud and America's
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: entertainer Steve Harvey, who once complimented the color of that maladmobile.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: It's a high point of the story. It's all downhill
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: from there, like a wheelbarrow with vertigo. So my wife
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: takes the car to the top secrets workplace. Fine, and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: then I was like, well, wait a minute, I don't
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: know if I want to stay here and and all that,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: because you know, who knows what's going to happen. So anyway,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: it was, it was interesting, it was wild, it was
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: crazy and all that stuff. So the mention the repairs
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: twenty thousand dollars, and on my end, the primary malamobile
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: was a couple of days away, so we didn't want
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: to rent a car. We just, like I said, we
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: just used that and my wife takes the car to
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: her top secret workplace. It's either a police station, government
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: facility of some other kind, or a very intense target.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: So about thirty five minutes later, I get the call,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: not a call, the call, the one where the tone
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: of voice immediately tells you this is not hey, can
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you pick up some milk? That was not that situation.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: The car is dead, not running a little rough, not
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: making any funny noises.
• 22:03
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• 22:06
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• 22:10
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• 22:14
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• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Not doing any of that stuff, and just debt d
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: E A D dad on the freeway in Los Angeles
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: during rush hour, which, for those unfamiliar, is less a
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: traffic pattern and more a lifestyle choice which I have
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: chosen it is, and So now we've got a stalled
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: vehicle marinating bumper to bumper while I'm pacing around like
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: the house like a substitute teacher at the house there
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: has lost control of everything, and the tow truck has
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: been called. Stress level is rising, blood measure is okay.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I guess I don't know why, but that was mentioned.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: So I decided the best course of action as good
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: as all the rest. The best course of action is
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: what what do you think that is the best course
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: of action is to step away for a moment, clear
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: your head, regroup, give yourself the raw ross beach. And
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: so I pause my show that I'm watching, I put
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: the Cleveland feet on, and sure enough, there it was.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I was watching the Dodgers play the Guardians, which felt
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: relaxing compared to my life last year. And yeah, I'm
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: glad you're You're okay. So the story here, naturally, I
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: decided the best course of action is to step away
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: for a moment, clear the head, regroup, all that stuff
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: you're supposed to do. Now. Moxie, my beloved English bulldog
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: whose main hobby is competitive lounging. Competitive of lounging, following
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: me with the enthusiasm of someone being asked to afford
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: a meeting that could have been an email. So I
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: reach for the front door handle and it comes off
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: in my hand, not loose, not loose, not wobbly, like
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: fully detached from the front door, Like who would do that?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Why would you do that? That's no good. You shouldn't
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: do that. And they did it. They absolutely did it.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, no gambling and smoking continued unless you
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: go to these certain casinos in Vegas where they smoke. Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: So that's how that went. And I'm standing there holding
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: a door handle that came off. I'm staring at those
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: puppy dog guys who are staring back at me and like,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: this is leadership. How did you get out of here?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I don't understand what are you doing? And so it
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: was that kind of thing and Moxie, which you know
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Moxie has been I would describe it as fifty shades
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: of lazy. Uh, even for her standards. She seemed disappointed,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: though not angry, more disappointed, which is somehow I guess worse.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: So I do what my homeowner with no structural value
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: would would do. Uh. And and that is uh, you know,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: head out there and what's around. So we go back inside.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: All right, we're at this this thing. We go back inside.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: At this point, I'm thinking, okay, we've hit the quota
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: for nonsense today. That's adorable, very very cute. Okay, let's
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: open the refrigerator. Beep b b b b b b
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: b b Yeah, not a friendly beep, yes, not that friendly.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Uh no, no, no. Then the door opened, and that
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: was a reminder that this is a blown electronic protest.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: The refrigerator a very expensive powder blue moment to modern
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: living in you know, that's my wife's pride and joy,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: and it decided to join the rebellion. So sure enough,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: as I mentioned, there was get some you know, water,
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: and that didn't work. And then apparently I violated some
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: unspoken agreement which I didn't know about, and I go
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: get some ice. You know, some people offended by ice.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I go get my ice. And then because of course,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I dropped the entire tray, like everywhere, ice, ice everywhere.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: The kitchen floor turns into a low budget skating rink.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I'm doing a one man tribute to Vaudeville, slipping and
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: sliding and all that, and for about ten minutes, I
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: am living inside a silent film and I am missing
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: the piano player. Where could the piano player have been?
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Where could he have gone? So anyway, listen, there was
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: no people are posting weird signs. I guess I don't know.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: These things are about the late night sunset and all
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: that in Seattle. And at one point there was a
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: person at the bar that stopped me and my buddy
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: and they said, you know, wait a minute here, you
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: look very familiar, very very familiar. I guess a lot
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: of people looked just like me a little bit. Anyway, whatever,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: So I go to get some water, and next thing
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I know, they're closing up to each other. And at
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: some point you stop asking why me, and you start
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: asking which one of the three stooges am I? And
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: it's really only one answer. It's clearly curly, just just
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: the way it is. And so yeah, this was just
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: kind of the way it went and crazy wild and
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: all that, and well that's the adventure. Now we will
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: have the mail bag tomorrow, and I don't want to
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: reveal who the celebrity mail bag correspondent is going to be.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I just promise you we're gonna have a grand old time,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: a grand old time on that episode. So of the
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: of the mail bag, have a great Saturday, enjoy the
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Final four. Yes, I'll be checking that out. I do
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: not know the menu yet for the Final four, but
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I will be watching. And then the championship game is
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: on Monday, Monday, which I will be watching. That's a
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: school night. That is a school night. And you gotta
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: get that work done otherwise you'll have hell to pay.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: You gotta get the work done. That's the key, and
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: that is all. I have a again wonderful Saturday. We'll
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: talk to you next time. I did want to thank
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: producer and he's filling in today and we'll see how
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: long this goes. But I did want to thank producer Brandon,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: who has been very helpful and making sure everything is
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: good to go. It's all about the good to go,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: the good to go, the good to go, the good
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: to go. All right, we'll talk to you next time.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Heloha bah Hello,