Latest / Voices for Voices® / You Don't Have to Forget to Forgive | Reclaiming Your Boundaries | Episode 473

Transcript

You Don't Have to Forget to Forgive | Reclaiming Your Boundaries | Episode 473 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hey everyone, it's Justin here of Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you so much for joining us.
• 0:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether you're watching or listening here in the United States or abroad, uh we greatly appreciate uh your attention.
• 0:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh whether this is your first episode or if you've been with us from the beginning, as you know, we're over 470 episodes pushing to one of our magic numbers of 500, uh, reach 500 total episodes of the voices for voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just uh it's an amazing feat that we're going to uh we're going to match and we're going to continue forward.
• 0:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh thank you for demanding and watching and listening uh to our shows, uh easy topics, hard topics.
• 0:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we we cover it all really.
• 1:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and that is one of the big uh delineators, uh separators, um you know, a different feature benefit if we're talking in the business world of what of what our show is is, does, talks about shares, and what others do not.
• 1:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that's okay, right?
• 1:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's room for everybody.
• 1:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, we just uh we we take an approach that is uh is transparent, um is again just we we just get after it, and that is happening uh each and every episode.
• 1:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, uh, even uh reach out to maybe 25, 50, 100, 10,000 uh contacts in in your phone and uh let them know, share about the voices for voices, TV show and podcasts were predicated, uh and foundation and our you know our main pillars uh are around the mental health, mental illness, uh about trauma recovery uh from substances, from traumatic brain injuries, you name it, we cover it.
• 2:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I have multiple mental illnesses.
• 2:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's how Voices for Voices got started.
• 2:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so each and every show, whether it is said or it is not said, uh, I am and have been uh going through mental challenges.
• 3:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so want to keep that in mind.
• 3:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, sometimes we'll hear comments of, well, what's Justin know about this or that?
• 3:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's like I know about being human, I know about what I'm going through, I know that what I'm going through may be similar or close to what uh one of our viewers or listeners uh has is going through.
• 3:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh somebody they may know that may be going through.
• 3:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh might be something the future they may be going through.
• 3:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and so that's what we do.
• 3:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We just we're just talking about human topics.
• 3:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not uh we're not we're not getting too too uh too technical.
• 3:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we're talking about kind of general basic terms.
• 4:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh there may be times where we throw in a term that you may want to look up and get a uh a little bit of uh more of an understanding, and you can do that.
• 4:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you.
• 4:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for being with us.
• 4:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We are a 501c3, so if you uh are are willing and are able to, uh we do accept donations, any denomination on our uh we have a site website uh strictly for for donations that is called uh lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org, or you can find us on Cash App and also on Venmo Voices for Voices.
• 4:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some have the letters F O R for the four in the middle of voices, four voices, right?
• 5:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, and and some don't.
• 5:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It just really depends.
• 5:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You just want to make sure that if you see this logo, uh that that is a good indication that uh you're at the right spot.
• 5:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So and thank you for all the love and support you've given us, you've given me everybody on our team.
• 5:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We we do have a rather small team, and we're just we're making some things happen.
• 5:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're just doing human things.
• 5:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, I I want to talk a little bit on this uh this particular episode.
• 5:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We we talk about, like I said, I'm a believer, so you know, I I pray for you know peace, I pray for people to be happy, loving, prosperous, healthy, whatever that looks like to you and others.
• 6:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It may not be the same for me as it is for you, but it doesn't matter.
• 6:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's not what this is all about.
• 6:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're not here to talk talk through all these things.
• 6:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh but this is this topic's uh eh it might be a maybe a second cousin of being a believer of of some sort uh or it may not uh just throwing that disclaimer out there.
• 6:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so we talk about forgiveness and forgetting, and I'm talking on a uh well, I'm just talking about forgiveness and forgetting.
• 6:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and what does that mean?
• 6:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What why am I bringing this up?
• 7:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What what's the deal?
• 7:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's certain things, certain people who at one point in time uh may have well, I I think all of us at one time or another, you know, if we we've been done wrong, or whichever term you want to use.
• 7:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, if someone's taking advantage of us, I don't know.
• 7:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be.
• 7:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So let's get that out of the way to in case this is your first episode.
• 7:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We do cover this quite a quite a lot over 400 and then 70 episodes.
• 7:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We do touch on it.
• 7:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, I'm not perfect, nobody is.
• 7:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, I'm a believer, you know, that God is his son Jesus Christ uh was and is uh but us uh you know humans, regular humans now, but we're not.
• 8:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we're all gonna make mistakes.
• 8:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're all gonna, whether we think or we thought we did or we didn't, sometimes we just forget and go, oh crap, I didn't I didn't think about that when I made this decision or I did this, or whatever, whatever we were we're talking about.
• 8:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and so we're not getting into excuse me, we're not getting so much into intention, uh like I intended for a conversation, a topic to go in one direction or the other.
• 8:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we're not talking about an intending intention.
• 9:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're just talking about on the surface forgiving and forgetting.
• 9:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And what I want to want to talk about is well, the forgiving and forgetting, right?
• 9:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So what I want to talk is that just because again, we're not talking about intention, you know, if a person intended for a certain uh uh a certain uh a certain thing to be pulled from uh an action, you know, intention.
• 9:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like I intended to use the bathroom.
• 9:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, that's intention, right?
• 10:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If I had to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna try and then and find and then intention of going to the bathroom.
• 10:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I'm gonna look for a bathroom and I'm gonna go to the bathroom, use the bathroom.
• 10:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's kind of the intention.
• 10:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Others, I'm not gonna talk about whether there and there was, is, ever will be, because I'm not perfect, so I'm not here to bash people.
• 10:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not here to, you know, we we've talked about hard topics and we've shared tough information.
• 10:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, so we share facts.
• 10:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So if somebody says, oh yeah, but but you're bashing this group or this person or what no, we're just talking about facts.
• 11:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If we have facts and we bring them up, it's not my fault.
• 11:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you have the facts to show out otherwise, what are you waiting for?
• 11:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Two hundred and ninety-nine days, three hundred fifty days, a million days?
• 11:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't know.
• 11:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So there's certain times where topics come up things happen, events happen.
• 11:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we have to think really hard.
• 11:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Even though we're not looking at the intention, we get really close to intention.
• 12:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So sometimes individuals will make assumptions based off of something, some kind of information, thinking they might know what's best for somebody else, or what they've heard, even though they don't know somebody, or whatever that may be.
• 12:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That that's what we're talking about today.
• 12:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I'm here to say we can forgive people.
• 12:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We absolutely can.
• 12:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can forgive, right?
• 12:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, like I just said, nobody's perfect.
• 13:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So who am I to say, well I you know, that I'm not gonna forgive people, persons.
• 13:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not that being the forgiving is okay, well, the action or actions, the words, the events, the experience, you know, we can we can forgive that for what for what that is.
• 13:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're really trying to think think hard about like I said, we can forg we can forgive because we're none of us are perfect.
• 14:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we should.
• 14:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether it's said to a person, a group Yeah, we say, well.
• 14:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't agree with topic one, two, three.
• 14:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that that hits that forgiving.
• 14:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But when we get to forgetting, that's that's a whole different can of worms.
• 14:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Right.
• 14:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So when we again, I'm just talking of generalities person A does per person A does thing A to person B.
• 15:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Person B is like, oh my gosh.
• 15:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What's going on?
• 15:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What's happening?
• 15:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What where's this coming from?
• 15:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And person A continues whatever behavior was being s was that was started.
• 15:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Excuse me.
• 15:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so person B can say either, you know, internally or to person A, person B to person A.
• 15:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, yeah, I don't agree with what happened, I don't agree with what the whatever.
• 16:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I say whatever a lot, so whatever.
• 16:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I can forgive that.
• 16:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can forgive topic A, the person A did said towards person B.
• 16:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we can, right?
• 16:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Person B can forgive.
• 16:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But person B, I don't they can forget at a certain time, maybe about, you know, this thing thing in the past.
• 16:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I'm gonna forget about it.
• 16:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: While also forgiving.
• 17:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And all these.
• 17:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're we're just talking as human beings.
• 17:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, right?
• 17:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're not we're not gonna We're not gonna like what we're not gonna like every single thing about every single person that we ever ever meet come in contact with.
• 17:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just not it's just not the way things go.
• 17:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if everybody did that, then we'd all be the exact same per type of person.
• 17:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We wouldn't be as unique as we are.
• 18:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we can we can forgive, but let's say person A does something, says something to person B, person B says, okay, I forgive you.
• 18:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's say person something that's similar to what person A did to person B.
• 18:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's say that person B excuse me.
• 18:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I haven't a frog in my throat today.
• 18:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Not a real frog.
• 18:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's say thing things for person B.
• 19:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Excuse me.
• 19:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Start on a upward trajectory and it's about the topics and things that person A was talking and sharing with person B at a at a given time.
• 19:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So what does so then we look at okay, let's let's bring this full circle.
• 19:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So does person B now owe person A something?
• 19:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And again, these are just these are just thoughts for our mind.
• 20:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So again, so person B starts and continues to really take that topic, that thing.
• 20:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Person A was you know, going after person B.
• 20:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some type of situation without full knowledge, full awareness.
• 20:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then one day something happens.
• 20:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And now person D has taken that very thing, that very experience, that very topic.
• 21:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Person B's taking that and making it happen.
• 21:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that can be just whatever you think.
• 21:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whatever making it happen sounds like to you means you, that's what it that's what I'm talking about.
• 21:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So person B starts to make things happen.
• 21:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Then we get to the the so does person B O anything or something or everything to person A when at some period in the past person A was for lack of better terms, you know, doubting what person B was was doing.
• 22:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because maybe it took it was taking extra time for said thing to start working its way into the public sphere.
• 22:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's what we were talking about today.
• 22:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Right?
• 22:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I think we all can forgive maybe we can forget.
• 22:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But at the end of the day it comes back to if at a point in time said thing that person A was saying and talking about and harping on to person B and person B starts person A starts to see the person B is making it happen.
• 23:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Not so much the person B is showing because right we're talking about facts.
• 23:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's like okay and this isn't being vindictive this this is just being human of like man that stinks that I got treated a certain way at a certain point.
• 23:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And again I'm not I in my younger years that was one of the big things about me.
• 24:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just I was I would just judge and say things I probably shouldn't say and then I would just move on.
• 24:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And now at my age and you know the shortness of life I'm looking at things much differently.
• 24:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So yeah we should be able to forgive maybe be able to forget the real thought is this person B.
• 24:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What does person B oh if anything the person A when person A sees the person B is making it happen.
• 25:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So think about it it's a human topic and of course it touches on mental health because depending on what was said or done or you know it can could have caused trauma extra stress overeating lack of activity lethargy being lethargic so something something to think about so we went a little I don't know I guess philosophical or psychological we went a little went went kind of deep on this episode think about it leave us some comments what you think be looking out for those but until then if you can give us a big thumbs up like follow subscribe share reach out to 25 50 100 100 contacts in your phones let them know about the voices for for the voices for voices TV show and podcast and I promise you I promised them there's going to be at least 50 episodes if not more we have 470 plus episodes in our portfolio in our catalog so there's going to be a lot of episodes they're going to connect with you as well as your contacts and your social media following to watch listen download subscribe ever all those things are free and they help us get closer and closer to helping and reaching at least three three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond and it's because of you that we're on that path and it is amazing and an amazing feeling for me and for voices for voices to help as many people as we are to reach all the corners of the world it's just amazing I don't know what else to say besides that and if you're able to lovevoices.org lovevoices.org lovevoices.org uh voices for voices is a 501c3 nonprofit charity so any donation uh purchase any of our books uh will uh will be uh dollars that you'll be able to write off on your taxes we are 501c3 so all your donations and purchases of products from voices for voices is a hundred percent tax deductible federally and thank you for joining us thank you for watching thank you for listening we love you we are sending support thank you for sticking with us through thick through thin and I'm I'm feeling feeling like we're like we've gotten somewhere so thank you very much we love you are thinking about you let's celebrate the voices of everybody in the world and let's also be a voice for not only ourselves but maybe there's somebody else that you know who may need their voice shared reach out to us we'd love to have them love to have you on our show so until next time have a great day great morning great afternoon uh and we'll see you on the next show thank you so much