Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Secrets in German with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs

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Minisode: Secrets in German with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Call it Couple's Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I'm here with my friends Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs,
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to my office. Okay, Jason, I want to talk to
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: you about your packing and your neurosis. So you guys
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: travel a lot. You travel a lot with the kids.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is great.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: The kids speak German because Jenny speaks German. That's also great. Jason,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: are you speaking German yet?
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Nine?
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, So in.
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: Little he understands a lot.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: It's creepy you would understand a lot. You guys have
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: been there a lot.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he understands way too much. It's no longer the
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: secret thing I had with the boys. Now he understands
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: when we're talking about him, which.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: But also the context is still kid conversations. I mean,
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: obviously they are fluent and so it has gotten more
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: advanced over the years. They can understand pretty much everything.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: But sometimes I'll say to Sid, like stop asking him
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: like I need to go take him aside and bring
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: it up so that it's his idea, Like stop asking
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: him right.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Now, you know.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: I'll say that in front to Sid and Jason will understand.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: What are you triangulating your whole family aied front?
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: You, Chelsea, you just touched on one of the most
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: important issues in our relationships.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: Sometimes I Sid wants something back from Jason. I'm like,
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: you can't keep bringing it up right now. I need
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: to talk to Daddy. Will decide if you can have
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: fortnite first, and then we can present it in a
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: different way, Like if you're going to keep asking him
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: right now, you're not going to get a different answer. Yeah, right,
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: And so I will kind of say that to Sid
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: to kind of nudge him, like, shut the fuck up
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: right now. You're digging a hole.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Right, Okay, But that means you're all you're playing both sides.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: You're playing a little You want to be friends with
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Sid and you want to be the one trusts sometimes
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: and then and then you're making him into the bad guy.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: And I would expect nothing less.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: From you, thank you, Oh my god.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I would watch your back Jason, if you
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: aren't already watching your back watching.
• 2:06
  Speaker 5: Believe me, this comes up in real couple therapy.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know why you're intimating that this is.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: Not really Sorry, Sorry are other couples?
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you? It's all I have to say is last night, Jason.
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry I'm cutting you off, but I just you
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: have to hear this because you don't know this.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I mean you might have heard this last night. Well
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I probably was covered underneath a bunch of pillows, okay.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: You. Jason came in because he's like mother hen like again, neurotic,
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: fixing everything. And he comes in to turn on the
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: air purifier in our room and Sid.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Because I lower it during the day to a low
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: level and then at night before they go to bed,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: I knock it up one as white noise slash purifications.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: Sid was about to go to sleep and he was
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: literally just like almost out and Jason comes in in.
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: His not frantic, he was very quiet.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: No, he was frustrated, okay, And Jason's like, well, I'm
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: just turning up the air so that it drowns out
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: all the sound. And it turns to me.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: He goes, Mom, are re.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: Okay with this? I did hear? I did hear?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Did you say that in English or in German English.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Have I died? So?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Jason, back to your packing, what do you think is
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: wrong with you? Do you have to pack?
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: What?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Two weeks in advance, because otherwise you'll flip your lid
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: if you're not ready to go?
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: Not that far.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: I've I've shortened the window to be sure, but it's
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: I need to be prepared, certainly minimum the day before.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: I mean everything needs to because also it's not just
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: myself that I'm packing, it's the boys, and it's basically
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: repacking Jenny when she's and by the way, she's not
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: even packing now at this point. She's kind of given
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: it up and now given up. The nanny packs like
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: smoking given off, but still she if the nanny hasn't
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: packed her.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Given up, I also have given up packing.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it's control issue, it's OCD, it's all it's
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: all the things that track for me and my personality.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: But it's like I can't. First of all, I need
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: to take advantage of the space, and I need to
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: so needs to be.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: Space military role.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: And it's very true that you can fit a lot more.
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: In your way more way way unless it's.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: A sweater, don't roll your sweaters. That actually takes up more.
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: Exactly you fold your sweaters. That's exactly right.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Sweatshirts otherwise known as suda there as an Espanol.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Now, so that's controlling or OCD, right, is.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: That it's a touch of all of that. I think
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: it's control issue. I think it's o CD. I don't
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: know what else that would fall under. But it's also
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: like there is that mother hen it's not just about me.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: There is a sort of need to make sure the
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: family is so everything needs to go like whatever I
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: can control in terms of travel, because so much can
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: go wrong and does go wrong and is out of
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: your control that whatever is possibly in my control, I
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: want to make sure it goes smoothly.
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: And so that means and so that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Means, yeah, we'd like to say one more time that
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Jason is not Jewish.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: So that means I'm not walking around with a checklist,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: but I am. In my mind, I've got a checklist,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: like are the boys medicines's kids tiling?
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: All kids? This kids too medicated? You know? Are they
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: drug yes? Traveling? You know?
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Do we charge everything downloaded iPhone's charge? Are the movies
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: downloaded on their iPads are because this is also also
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: I'll say this, I'll say that not only and Jenny
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: might have a counterpoint to this, which I'm curious to hear.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: But I think it's not just that I feel I
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: need to do it because of my own personal impulses
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: and my own personal deficiencies mentally, but I also feel
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: like it's a reaction to the fact that I'm getting
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: no help on this side. There is zero Like if
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: I had a partner who was also like, there's not
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: room for.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: Two of us. I've actually like he's enabled me to
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: be we don't know that.
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: We don't know that. You like he's your assistant, Well,
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: never know that because there aren't you.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: Yes, because because during the pandemic, he's like, I've never
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: seen you use a broom, I've never seen you do
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: these I've never seen you loaded dishrush shore. And I
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: said to him, when I lived alone, who do you
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: think did all this stuff? But now when I when
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: I we paired up, it's like he's enabled me to
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: like not like put.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: A paper on the rack. My belief that there was
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: never mother.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Hands, you were always looking for someone to offload your packing,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Isn't that true? You were always looking for some sort
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: of dynamic, whether it was Jason or nanny or maybe
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: even your own children. Like if someone else could do
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: it for you.
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: A hundred could delegate things.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: I mean, when I first got said from the store,
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: from the store and I had I had a nanny,
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: I realized, whoa, this is ideal. This is what I've
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: always knew, of course, but I think before, before I
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: was with you, I mean, I did all these things.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: I mean sometimes, yes, like instead of washing the dishes
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: and just throw them away exactly exactly most of the
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: time I had to.
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: And you had roommates that took the trash out, like
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: you know, I.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: Lived alone, Jason, I lived alone.
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: She did take the trash out the other night, first
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: time I've ever seen her do it.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Trash downs, no, of course not no. We have a
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: trash shoot in the hallway right across. But hold on,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: but here's the best there. It couldn't be an easier
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: task given our building and the trash shooting across the
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: hall like it is so so easy.
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: You're really getting on me now, and I come back
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: in the apartment.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: We're here for.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: The one thing that I did something great, and you're
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: gonna talk about it.
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: Well, I think this is funny.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Hold on, you did not do something great?
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: The throwing trash out into a shoot is like what
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I would say to someone if they But she's gonna,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: did you do anything today? I like, you, bet?
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I did?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You fucking bet I did.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: But that's her.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: She's like, what do you mean I took out the
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: trash today? Don't even get on me about this, this, this,
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: and this. It's like, uh, okay anyway. But she didn't
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: even complete the task because I came back in. I like,
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: had some trash and I go, I opened the trash
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: can and I throw it in the trash and I realized,
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: I go.
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: There's a fucking bag in the trash.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: I go, Jenny, You know when you take the trash out,
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: there is another step in the process. You have to
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: put a new bag in the cant Oh okay, she
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: was a lost gone into space something else.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: You was thinking, right, what about the cooking at your house?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Who's in charge of that?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: You do a lot of cooking, Yeah, because you do
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: your dictator lunch.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Yes, And what about you cook too, though, Jason, don't
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: you who's who's holding the fort down?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: On that.
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: I usually do the cooking for the kids, and then
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: Jason will do like a weekend pasta and.
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: Roast a chicken.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Right, because you can only eat like two things, right
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: because of your situation?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Or have you been able to eat more nuts?
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: I mean I don't. Yeah, I eat more things. I
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: guess you love you really just love I love a
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: fucking nuts.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I've never seen anyone eat nuts.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: You actually turn into a squirrel when I squirrel out
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Sophie my friend also you you guys know she fucking
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: loves nuts too.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: What kind of you guys have made me so turned
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: off by nuts that I can't even eat them anymore.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: But it's not even like good nuts, like a roasted peanuts.
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: It's like a tiger nut with me.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: And then Jenny eats it and she can somehow take
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: like fourteen bites have one.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Peanut, and then and then because this is yeah, and
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: then yeah, and then because this is healthy, she'll leave
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: like a half a bite and then put that aside
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: and be like, Okay, that's I didn't eat the whole thing.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: So and then who cleans up after you? Guys?
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, are you kidding me to? This is
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: fucking this bad.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I knew the answer to before I asked him.
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: This is truly for me.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: I can't wait for Jason to listen to this back
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: and be like, WHOA.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I really really was hard on her.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So I think he's just exposing you, you know what,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: for what we all know to be true. I mean,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: some people are very good at a certain group of things.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I'm with you. I can't do anything.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: My dog Pete in the house the other day and
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I waited for someone to arrive because.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what what. I was like, these are
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: wood floors.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to use is it's just regular
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you know what, it's better just
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: back away.
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: Someone's I will make this worse. Yeah, ROLLI.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: He's like, you know, you can just use paper towel,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, I don't think that's right.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: So you're doing all the cleaning.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: And then when you guys argue, do you have is
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: it okay for you to argue in front of the
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: kids or do you try to keep it away from
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: the kids.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I feel like you guys probably just argue in front
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: of the kids.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: We bicker in front of the kids. I don't know,
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: do we argue in front of the kids. Some sid
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: would be like, oh, my parents are always fighting. You know.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: It's like, but he has an idea. He's so fucking
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: like privileged and like, you know, I said him one night,
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I'm putting in your room and
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: you're going to sleep by yourself, and he screams into
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: the hallway. You would do that to an innocent child,
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: you know. So it's like his version of reality, yes,
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: is just so far off, Like he doesn't understand when
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: we bicker even you know, he's like, oh.
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: Here they go again.
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: It's right, you have no idea, but it lands.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: I guess it's a good sign because we don't. I mean,
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: the house I grew up in was constant fighting, operatic, loud,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: always screaming and stuff.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: So that was the one. And Jenny grew up in
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: a house where they just didn't they ran.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Right, which is also not new people always new people, Yeah, exactly,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: they flee and start a new thing, like there wasn't
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: fighting because they wasn't around long enough to fight, which
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: is also not healthy. We grew up in the opposite end.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: The healthy thing is like, yeah, couples that love each
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: other get into disagreements, there is bickering, there are fights.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we do our best. We do maybe and maybe
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: I can do better. Maybe we can do better. I
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: know I can do better. Because of the two of us,
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I will be the one that will get louder, quicker
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: for sure, and I have a harder time. Jenny, because
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: of her family of origin, can be like, all right,
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: I'm out, Like can leave and just be like we're
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: not doing this now, whereas I'm like, what, no, I
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: need resolution.
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: This feels like abandonment. I can't. I need to fix this.
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: Stay in a fight.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I'll stay in a fight, ironically in the hopes of
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: ending the fight, whereas Jenny will just leave the fight
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: in the hopes of ending the fight.
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: But that actually triggers me more.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: It's it's that's part of our many dances that we
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: do where we do trigger each other, but we do
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: our best to not do it in front of the kids. Jenny,
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: for a long time, even the bickering, because again she
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: did not grow up with bickering or any any type
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: of fighting, was like we you know, we'd be in
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: couples therapy and she'd be like and he just we
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: were fighting, screaming in front and I was like, well, Jenny,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: hold on, we have done that. But the fight you're
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: referring to was literally us just disagreeing in like her
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: definition of what a fight was in front of the
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: kids has changed as her as like she's I believe
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: in my speaking out of turn. You've realize like, oh, yeah,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: this happens, this is okay, and some of it is
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: okay to happen in front of the kids.
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that's right.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Like, who doesn't have disagreement, it's scarier if there isn't anything,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: well then yeah, then it's like you're describing your childhood right,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: your family dynamic. But the good thing is that Jason
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: has been to so much therapy so that he's a
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: willing participant in actually resolution and conflict, like dealing with conflict,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: not conflict avoidant, because conflict avoiding doesn't get anybody anywhere.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: And we'll be back with this worry about when Jenny
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: and Jason went scuba diving and she left Jason for dead.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: You can check out Jenny mull and substack The Best
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Friend Experience and her new side hustle The Shirts Off
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes, and
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: you can also check out Jenny and Jason co hosting
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Dinner in a Movie on TBS