Latest / The Driven Athlete / Enneagram Insights on Coaching & Therapy with Chris 'Suds' Southard | Ep 31

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Enneagram Insights on Coaching & Therapy with Chris 'Suds' Southard | Ep 31 · The Driven Athlete

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If you're a driven, active person who wants to reach and pursue a higher quality life with some ambition, then guess what this podcast is for you.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: This is the Driven Athlete Podcast.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: What's up?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Y'all?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: It's your man, dr Kyle.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Driven Athlete Podcast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: We got the man, the legend, chris Suds Southerd, with us today this time, so I know you're a busy dude, so thank you for coming in and taking the time.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely A hundred percent.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I love doing this stuff, pumped that you're here, I'm pumped that.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I'm here.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: So, uh, first tell everybody um what, what you're involved with, where you're at, what you're doing currently your main passion projects and what you're doing?
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so my, my buddy, uh, peter Corddry, coached over Benjamin.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: He says I'm an octopus so I got arms everywhere.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: So, uh, I've coached uh a college level lacrosse for years, coached my sons in lacrosse.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Uh, started the club program called creators game and so we do club stuff for suburban families.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And then we've also entered into, uh, the less developed areas for lacrosse and urban areas and tried to create a space for kids to learn a new game.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: So that's one thing.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Started a not-for-profit called Swan Adventures where I take guys on pilgrimages and we really just think about inner depth stuff, soul care, getting off the grid.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: In early monastic cultures they call it paragranatio.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Paragranatio is to go on a journey, a pilgrimage, to discover your resurrected self.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So this is a part within all of us that sometimes is pushed down because of busyness and distractions and we really never become fully who we were created to be because we don't hit the pause button.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So a lot that's sworn adventures, something I started.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I wrote a book with a buddy of mine called sworn friendship in a fragile world.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: So, uh, and I know I work at the church, so I'm a pastor of church and that's where the Enneagram comes in and and I've done a lot of, lot of personality theory stuff with man back with you in a day college students, families, corporate people, athletic departments, pba, the development partner at PBA.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: So yeah, a little bit of everything.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Cool yeah, octopus eight arms.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Octopus eight arms, at least.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: So for anybody not familiar, so Suds is he's an ordained pastor at First Presbyterian Church.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: He's been a huge mentor of mine.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: He's been a youth leader at First Pres for the youth department in North Palm Beach and I've known him since middle school.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: He's been a huge mentor of mine but college coach at PBA University coaching the cross, and then you coached at Jupiter Christian coaching, still high school.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so coach.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So what I did was after my sons graduated.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: They're playing at PBA right now.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: My sons graduated from Jupiter, Christian.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I thought, man, what can I do with a couple of days a week?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And so I started coaching at Gardens High School your place, brother.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Two days a week and just really focusing on public schools.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: A lot of private schools have the finances.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: So you're coaching at Gardens now.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I was coaching at Gardens last year.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, and so this year I'm coaching out at Seminole Ridge.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: And next year I'm going to coach at Dwyer.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm just kind of walk with them on the sidelines and give them whatever wisdom I've gained over the years about coaching men.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's been amazing.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I would say one thing like well, diving into what this conversation is like, how is diving into coaching right and managing a lot of different personalities and dudes right, and men, college-aged men and then young men in high school and just how you're managing that?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Motivating people and then being a leader, stuff like that for self-reflection and examining people's own lives and self-development and stuff like that.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, when guys coach, any coach at any level, they'll tell you after a little while, when they've dealt with just the different personalities on a team or different conflicts and struggles that kids go through high school level, college level, where it might be that one degree they needed, that they didn't have psych understand personality types.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, totally understand just the nuances of of sports psychology.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: And so with personality theory I've used that to develop coaches.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: But I've also used the personality theory Enneagram to really watch my players and to realize hey, the way I motivate that guy is not going to be the way I motivate that guy, and so one size does not fit all.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: And so that has been a game changer, because the Enneagram really is a map of the soul and it kind of describes where we get fixated and stuck in our lives and so to kind of get a deeper look at that and to understand why we do what we do, but then understand that the lens is through which someone else sees, it's a game changer for sports cultures, even your athletic restoration, just the culture of what you create, understanding people and your patients.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, 100%, personality theory makes a big difference, oh, massive.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've taken all this stuff and a little bit of other things too, but definitely a lot of the Enneagram, just for self-reflection, the lens in which people perceive things.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I perceive things for sure, approaching that, and somebody asked me recently they're like, from being a sports physical therapist, what have you really gravitated towards or taken a lot more of an approach into with working with patients and stuff?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like dude, the psychology component.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: By no means am I a psychologist, like I'm not a pro, it's like that's not my thing.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: But I can't neglect the importance and the gravity of, like differing personalities, how to approach and communicate with different people at different stages of life, and then just how to relate but also bring, like um, where they're at, a hope and understanding of what their ailment is and their problem and how maybe it can be helped.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I think it's grossly undervalued.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Total care total care, like physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, the whole person.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And so we in society, we chop them up.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So what made you dive into like and gravitate towards the Enneagram versus other really popular ones like Myers-Briggs?
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: So I love Myers-Briggs and I think it's a great typology, a personality theory, but it typically is a static one.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: It just kind of measures in space and time.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: The Enneagram is that dynamic personality theory and it says hey, here's where you are, you can't stay there.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It's really kind of With the growth and the regressive 100% Types.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: So what it does.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: And again, there's great personality theories out there.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: This one just happened to grab my attention it's a psycho-spiritual tool.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: It's a psycho-spiritual tool.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: It's not only psychological, but I believe it has opportunities to really open a deeper look into your soul.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: From a Christian standpoint point of view, when you think about discipleship, it really opens up a deep discipleship where you get beyond just the classic no-nos of sins, the sins of the flesh, but you get into deeper realms of pride, envy, anger, and you ask yourself hey, why do I do?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that Right.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: And then it kind of it exposes you.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: You get aha moments and there's a secret patterns, because the brain's a pattern machine and you get fixated.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: And then what happens is your patterns are relating to people who you love and you don't know why you do what you do and you don't know why you react the way you react.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And so it really just opened up a new for Brenda and I.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: My wife, she was like man.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Now I know why you're such a Boy Scout.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: She's like you're that type on an enneagram and I'm like, and that's why you slam dishes and slam doors, because you're that type, and so we're both power types, and it's interesting Looking at the same kind of thought.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I remember growing up with my brother.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: He would always say things of like why do you get so mad?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: You know, why do you get so mad?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Obviously there's like a disconnect of like he doesn't understand why I'm a certain way Correct, get so mad.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Obviously there's like a disconnect of like he doesn't understand why I'm certain way correct, why I'm reacting.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: It's like doesn't make sense to me.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: And then for my end, I'm like why would?
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Why don't you understand, you know?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Or like why don't you do the same thing?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so totally makes sense.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I remember hearing that as a kid, yeah, so now there's like a little bit of insight on like oh, this makes sense.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: You know some self-reflection tool.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So what you're saying is like each type there's nine right, correct and each type has a progressive growth direction yes, and then a regressive regression to direction, yeah so the spectrums of health yeah and so it's really broken up into nine numbers are broken into three triads.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: You got the gut triad.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Um, it's the reaction reacting type, which probably you and I are that type reacting to the world yeah, then in the thinking types they have a um, they're the.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: The head types, they're thinkers, and in the hearts, um are feeling types, so broken up into three different triads.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: So within those triads there's three numbers and gut triads eight, nines and ones, and the hearts is two, threes and fours and the heads is six, five, sixes and sevens, and so they really respond to the world in a different way.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: But if the theory is correct, if we were created as individuals with nine different personality types, what it really does is it makes community possible.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: If I ever ran for president someday I will my platform would be can't we just love one another?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Can't we just seek to love one another and listen to each other's stories and understand that we have a narrative that we've lived into, but also we have a lens through which you see the world.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: That's not like anybody else's, it's different but there's knowledge and appreciate that, yeah, and appreciate it.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: yeah, so I don't see the things the way that you see things, amanda, makes community possible when we can get outside from ourselves and kind of walk Native American First Nations people proverb if we can walk into other people's moccasins for a mile and it makes community and love and relationship.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Man, how about marriages?
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: How about parenting?
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Totally, it's a game changer.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I heard something recently.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: It was pretty cool.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: It was like you can't hate somebody if you get close enough Correct, and I was like, oh, that makes total sense.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Like I met like someone that's their arch enemy you know, what I mean, like it's super close, as in like getting to understand where they're coming from or why they're doing certain things at enough of a level you won't be able to hate.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we demonize people we don't know.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, would you agree with that?
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a hundred percent.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: The more you get to, even with people I know, if, uh, if I haven't talked to them for a little while or they haven't responded to a text or to me or something, I start to put them in a category of man.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: They're this, this or this?
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you connect with them.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: You go, oh, they were going through a tough time or this was going on.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: So we demonize people that we don't understand.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: And so if we can't sit long enough to hear each other's stories and really get to know each other and to listen to their pain and their struggle, man, there's no place for judgment.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I think it's something else I've tried to be better at in general.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I didn't even have an awareness is just, things are so binary from my head as in like, well, they are like this, that's it.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's cut black and white.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: We're like, well, it's fluid, like they can go this way sometimes and more this way they can.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: They can be this direction more than this direct, and myself included.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Right, it's my own self grace sometimes.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, um, but Enneagram is really cool with that too.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, it does.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: It creates a safe place for other people to say hey, I'm a mess, you're a mess, I'm both beautiful and messy.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: You're a beautiful mess, and so there's beautiful things about what God created me to be, and there's areas that I have to really be cautious of.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: But then the blind spots that's why spiritual friendships are so important is that you help me see what I don't see, and then, if I trust you, then I let you speak that truth into my life.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: That's a huge part.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's the trust to be willing to be vulnerable and then heed whatever suggestions.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: That are insights that person has.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: So the Enneagram personality theory begs us to be vulnerable, begs us to be honest, and then it says you're okay, I'm okay, we'll be okay together.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: That's cool, it's huge.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: From my understanding, from things I've heard you say before and things I've read into, some of the main differentiators between someone being a one versus a three or a six versus a four, whatever is the underlying core desire and the core fear?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like because people have elements of all of them right, like I have a little a level of this and a level that some days might be higher on this level and some days higher, but the underlying core desire that ultimately would put somebody in one number or category, mostly Right, that's what defines that.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Is that correct?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Is that accurate?
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Accurate A hundred.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, accurate 100%.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: There's again a lens through which we see the world, but it's where our attention goes.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: My attention goes, as a one, to what's wrong, what can be corrected.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: So the Enneagram teaches you can be healthy or unhealthy.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: If I'm in an unhealthy place, what I do is my attention goes to what's wrong with me, and then I start beating up on myself.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: So then the language I speak to me is hurtful to me and so, but in turn, I become dangerous to people around me.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: So suffering that's repressed, or marks on my soul, or wounds that are not addressed, someone pays for those in close proximity to you.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Somebody will pay for that.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Someone will pay for that, and it's usually.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: It could be you, it could be your children, it could be your friendships, it could be your spouse.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, someone will pay for that, for sure, for that undiscovered area and that work that's not done.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: You know, I was speaking in pba chapel the other day.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I said don't be lazy, do the work.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: When we talk about that from a physical standpoint, right, you got to do the work.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, from an emotional, psychological, spiritual standpoint, you gotta do the work what prevents people from doing the work?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: fear of of discovery that they might find it hurts too much.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: People don't go into silence and solitude because it scares the excuse me hell out of them.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Because it's a scary place, because what happens is stuff comes up that they don't want to address.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: They're afraid of it and it's overwhelming.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: And so From shame it could be shame, it could be fear, it could be just paralysis, it could just because we grind, we don't take the time to care for our souls, and so we go for a long time sometimes without soul care.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: And so, again, someone's going to pay for that.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great point and it makes total sense.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Let's go over real quick.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Well, we don't have to be quick.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: All nine types and what their usual core desires and core fears are.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, hopefully I can remember Challenging me.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: So for one um, their core the reformer.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: The reformer yeah, you know you got you probably helped me with this.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Former.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: The former their attention goes to what's wrong, so their core is anger.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: They're anger types, so that's a one.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: They can get consumed with anger and rightness and correction.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: They're perfectionists this is me.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Eights avoid weakness, so it's what their avoidance is, sometimes too so a one again go back to.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: They're an anger type, but they want to avoid anger because they're supposed to be good boys a one, and so avoid anger.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Eights avoid weakness because they learned early on that in the home that they grew up in, if they weren't strong they'd get consumed.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: So they avoid weakness.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Nines avoid confrontation.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: So nines are your cave dwellers.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: They like to go on the passive, aggressive but wicked strong number on the Enneagram.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: But nines typically avoid conflict.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: They're the acquiescers.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Where do you want to go to dinner?
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: Where do you want to go?
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Where do you want to eat?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Whatever you want to do, yeah.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Whatever you want to do, okay, let's go here, yeah.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't like that, Like you literally said.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: So that's the, that's the gut types, the ones, the eights, the nines, twos avoid being needy, so twos are the classic.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: They know what you need before you need it and they want to care for you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: They're the helpers, they're always trying to help.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: So what they avoid is to be to be needy or to avoid neediness, and so they, they try to make you need them.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: So that's a two.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Threes avoid failure.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Threes are your success people, your chameleons, your change masters, image conscious.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: America is a three culture.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: This is sometimes we're an inch deep, so threes run the risk of being very superficial.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're an inch deep, so threes run the risk of being very superficial, artificial, very cosmetic For the appearance of success and excellence.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: So they avoid failure.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Failure is deadly for them.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: And they're the achiever.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: They're the achiever.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Fours avoid ordinariness.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: They're your artists, your folks who are able to articulate for guys like me, one emotions on all levels, like I know anger, but I don't know the emotions of a four.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Fours are artists, they're actors, they're painters, they're poets and they bring a depth of being to society.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Where I have permission to feel.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And they want to be complex.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Very complex.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Avoid, my dad was a four.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: The individualist.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: The individualist.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: My dad was a four and he wouldn't wear a Navy blazer.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: He'd wear an orange blazer or a pink blazer.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: He wanted to stand out.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: He was just very like a peacock spreading.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: That's the animal.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Four, four is a peacock.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Is they want to spread their feathers?
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, do they all have animals.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they all have animals, they have countries, they have Winnie the Pooh characters, all they kind of dress, all these different things.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: We'll get into that too, yeah.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: So, um, so then, uh, then that's a four, so so twos, threes're like.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: They avoid lack of knowledge.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: They're a knowledge accumulators.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: They want to accumulate knowledge.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: They're stingy and they go after whatever they can get, and sometimes they're hoarders.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: But they're the people who, again, every number, brings a beautiful thing to community.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Then they bring a dark side that needs to be addressed.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: So what's?
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: What's the core?
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Avoidance of a five or the core desire?
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: Emptiness.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: They, they want to accumulate thoughts and ideas.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: They're your studiers, your chemists, your scientists, and, again, anybody can be an athlete or, but typically, people choose professions that their gifts are solid in.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Cause they enjoy it and they're good at it.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you find a lot of folks in higher education who are deep students of the subject PhDs, phds, fives.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: They just love the accumulator.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: They're the investigator.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the investigator and they avoid emptiness.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: So that's what they avoid.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Sixes they're the loyalists they avoid.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Their avoidance is fear.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: So they're overcome by fear.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: So they try to create safe places so that they're not overcome by the anxiety.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: So they try to avoid, but they're very anxious.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: They're like Piglet on Winnie the Pooh We'll try to avoid, but they're very anxious.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: They're like piglet on winning the poo.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: We'll get to those, maybe later.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: But the whole idea of, of the avoidance of a six is is to, is to not be captured by um paralyzing fear.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: So they avoid dangerous situations situations and probably then, I would assume, take a lot of action in planning ahead or understanding all ramifications and all potential outcomes that might happen.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my buddy Fritz Vandegrift Paul Vandegrift, a good friend of mine.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: He was a six and what he did was create safe place for the entire family so that when they went on trips no one was worried about what's going to go on or something was going wrong, because he had researched and taken care of it ahead of time, and so he was one of the most developed sixes I've ever met, and a guy that really helped me significantly to be present to myself and that's a big thing with the Enneagram is being present.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Where does the word loyalist come from, then?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: for a six, if're fear-driven or they're anxious, anxiousness, but they're concerned right yeah, because they're the people who, really, if you have a friend who's a six, you have a friend that's going to look after you and care for you and think about you and make sure you're good, you're safe.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Because you're safe, because they, they're the safe people.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: They, they're the ones who put their back to a door in a restaurant to make sure they know they're always scanning the environment for danger, always scanning, they're hypervigilant.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: And then, finally, sevens are your tiggers and they avoid.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: So sevens are your big energy numbers.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: They avoid boredom.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: They always want to have plans.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: Their avoidance is to to make sure they keep their options open.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: They don't want to be controlled, they don't want to be pinned down.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Um, they keep their calendars full.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: So they're the the fun, loving, easygoing, um, super scattered, black focus, optimistic, optimistic.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: They're the optimists.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: That's a big word for them.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Optimists or adventurers.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: The big descriptive word for the seven is adventure.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: They always have to have adventures.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I think of her and then, like pessimism would be like avoid at all costs.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, they're not pessimists.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: So sometimes a seven just just got into an accident and got a big slash on their arm and they laugh about it.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: It'll be okay, it needs a couple of stitches, but they're like bleeding profusely, so they avoid pain Again.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that they avoid boredom.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: But at the core of their being going back to that avoidance thought, is they avoid pain.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: So maybe if there is pain present, they're not going to be super willing to acknowledge it and work on it.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: So they avoid pain, they sidestep it.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: So your classic man.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Could you really tell me what's going on?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: I'm good.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, have you seen that movie Inside Out from Disney?
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: No, okay, it's an internal emotion.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Great movie Hits you in the feels, for sure, but anyway it makes you think of joy.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: The main character, she's like no, we're all happy, we're all happy, we have to be happy.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to be happy.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I have to see that movie.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really good.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I like go disney.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for real.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Um, interesting, uh, I remember you described a seven as one time we were talking.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: It was like uh, or maybe, maybe fritz said it one time, but he was like classic seven.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: We're at the um, the maldives and diving.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tiger sharks and lobstering.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: It's insane.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, come up from breath for scuba diving, take your mask off.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Like cool, where we're going.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Next it's like, well, you can't.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: We're here like what's gonna be better than this.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: You know, can you enjoy where we're at now versus like looking forward to the next fun thing?
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: always looking for the next thing anyway, so sometimes it's like oh, that makes sense.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so they forget to be present.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: And that's a challenge for all numbers to be present and to be here now, in all types, because all different strategies of the numbers, they take you away from the present and it's the false self knocking at the door and dragging around, beating you up all day long.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: The false side of your personality Right you up all day long the false side of your personality, right, exactly the false true self.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, true self, false self, is huge in a monastic thought and spiritual formation understanding the false self, true self yeah and um.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: The native american proverb goes uh, there's this chief around a fire and he's telling these stories to these kids, and the kids are hanging on to the chief's uh, every word, and he talks about these.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: The battle going on inside of us, and this is battle between your good self, or good wolf, and a bad wolf.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: You have a good wolf inside of you and a bad wolf, and there's this intense battle going on.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: And so, and he's telling this story about how they're battling and the good wolf is winning, and then the bad wolf is winning, and this one little kid raises his hand.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: He goes hey.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Raises his hand and goes hey, who's going to win?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Who's going to win?
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: And he goes the one you feed the most the one you feed the most.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: So all the spiritual tools, all the opportunities we have to develop as individuals, we will grow and develop and deepen and everybody around us will benefit if we do it, if we feed the true self.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: True self starving in our society right now, starving for silence, solitude, solid spiritual friendships where does a person start to dive into like, what is my true self?
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: I, because I still battle that right, right, um, as in like, reflecting, like man, I have elements of a lot of seven.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of elements of a three, a lot of elements of an eight.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I think some elements of a one, right, but I'm like back to like what, what, what truly am I like?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: What do I?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: And I always think I come back to like.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: My core desire is to just not be controlled.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Right, like F the ladder dude, I want to make my own ladder.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Don't tell me what to do, correct, you know, that seems to be what I root towards, a lot, which then dictates some actions.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: And then also my perception.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but I want to have fun.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Right, don't tell me not to have fun.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I can do this if I want to.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: You know, um, don't bring this negativity in my life, right, whatever, um, because it's like controlling my emotions.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Then it's like, if you're making me negative or decreasing my energy, then you're controlling me in a sense, and I don't want to be controlled.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: No, don't tell me what to do, don't control me, but anyway.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: So, without being set.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Don't suck life out of me.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Suck life, energy drain, for sure.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I was just like a lot of situations, right, Right, but anyway.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Where does one person then begin to be like?
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Let's self-reflect true self versus false self.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I'm projecting this false self of me to look cool and look good and be strong or whatever excellent and perceived that way, but actually true self might be this instead yeah.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: So just yesterday I was talking to Sean Melton, who is an Enneagram guru.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Stud Love, this guy Should have had him in.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: He's the man.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: So we're going to do a conference together, coming up at the church on May 3rd and 4th.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: But he made this thought and I'm not going to fully get it.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: But the Enneagram is a tool.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: It's a diagnostic tool.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: It diagnoses the depravity and the brokenness which is the false self, and then it creates a map or roadmap to find who you truly created to be.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: So suffering is inherent in creation.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: You can't avoid suffering.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Those who try to avoid suffering, again, they do it to detriment of people around them.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: So suffering will pay you a visit.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: So how you deal with that suffering is key.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: So suffering enables us to become so.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: When we're in relationships, we go through tough times, the diagnosis becomes clear Our personality type.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Enneagram diagnoses the problem, the brokenness, the depravity, the strategy for coping, in a way that's not good, and so it maps that out.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: It exposes that, it diagnoses the problem.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: So then it gives you an opportunity to get to the place If you're willing to do the spiritual work, because it really does involve a deep dive and honestly, from a Christian perspective.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to write the book someday, the cross and the Enneagram, but it's a dying to yourself.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: So the cross, um, and some different, and not everybody will embrace what I'm saying right now, and it's fine.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: But the cross really demands that we do the work that we deny ourselves, pick up our cross dailies and follow the one who died for us.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: And so the cross is ground zero.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: So it invites us.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: It's an invitation to become who we're created to be, to experience the true self that God created us to be.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: But apart from the creator, who really tells us who we are, we don't work that well, and so the gift of God is that he created us.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Our gift back to him is that we pursue spiritual health and maturity in the faith and become who we're created to be.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Again, Enneagram is a tool that exposes the depravity, it exposes the brokenness.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: It exposes, it's a diagnostic tool to tell you hey, this is not okay, you can't continue to be like this.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Or at your funeral, not too many people are going to show up, and that's the sad truth of some people's lives.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: They never, they never mature to a place where they do the hard work and they become who they're created to be and then, when you do that, you're transformed.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: When you're transformed, people are transformed around you.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Hurt people, hurt people.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Barry says that all the time Hurt people.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Hurt people Makes sense.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Free people free people.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Free people free people.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: So the antonym to hurt people would be free people, free people.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: I love that, yeah.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Hurt people, hurt people.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Free people, free people.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: So the Enneagram, spiritual pursuits, the inner life, all those things, it means a quote in the scripture to say that God and his son sets us free and those who are free in him are free indeed.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: So we're called to pursue freedom.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: And again, free people.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Free people.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Who doesn't, who gets married and goes?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to imprison my wife.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, who who has kids and go.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I want to paralyze them in in a, in there, in in my anger.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: No, we want to free them up.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: But you can't do that unless you're free.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: So you um the guy that I follow on social media, Dr Peterson, jordan Peterson, I love that guy, love that guy.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Man Gosh, I love his accent.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, it just sounds cool.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm like, what is it?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: He's controversial, disruptive, but in a good way.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, disruption is not bad.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: That's my part.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: I like that Disruption and feathers and we're afraid to have disruptive conversations.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: It's true and I can have a disruptive conversation with you and still love you.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, I can speak the truth in love.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I like it, right, but love demands that I say it.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't cross the stream without kicking up some sand.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: But he was saying, like one of those things I ran into, he was like with your spouse, right or family, and like um, heating it or absorbing and suppressing a lot of resentment and anger and whatever he's like.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: You're just walking around a lifetime of fake smiles.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Wow, and what a hell that would be.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: And I was like man.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: it makes a lot of sense, you know we do this thing, we fake it till you make it.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: No good, doesn't work.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, doesn't work.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: You can't fake it.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: There's so many coverups.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: We're full of coverups in our society.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: We don't want to, so what we do is we're numb and we're dumb.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: We're numb, unable to feel, and we're dumb, unable to speak.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: We're numb and dumb, and so we're just we.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: We major in coverups.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: I was going to say interesting connection.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Like sports, physical therapy, athlet athletes are the best compensators.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: They're the best at just covering up what their issue is and working around it and just making it happen.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: But ultimately it leads to more issues and things to break down later.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: It just causes more problems.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: So exposing those compensations and then working on them through therapy stuff.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Nothing good happens in darkness, nothing good happens in cover-ups, and it's the courage to face the pain, it's the courage to suffer.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: What I was going to say.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: So the main blockade and barrier for people to like do that is the perceived potential future suffering and discomfort and pain that comes from exposing some underlying truths that they don't like.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Delayed gratification.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Is that it?
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: So, um, the best men and women I know, um, do the work, do the hard thing, they do it, they get it, they know they have to, they have to have the hard conversation.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: You can't get to Easter, which is joy and everything's amazing, unless you go through Thursday, which is in the garden, where Jesus said if this cup could pass from me, please, but not mine will, but yours be done.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Then you go to Friday, and then you go to Saturday and there's a process that the Holy Week we just went through, that every single human being goes through every day, week, minute of their lives.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: You can't duck any of those days.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you're living in thursday, sometimes you're living in friday, sometimes saturday, which is a pause, and just, just just, between good friday and easter, it's not great, it's not bad, it's a pause.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Then you have those joyful moments where my life is a solid, but you gotta, you gotta go through those things and so great athletes, great individuals, great parents, spouses know that that's the, that's the journey I feel like um and it's controversial of course like suffrage, suffering is is the blessing it.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Like you cause, you can't appreciate stuff unless you've had the opposite.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah Right, which is suffering.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: So like when it happens and you're going through what you would acknowledge at least the awareness, and be like this this sucks right now, this time, this season of life or whatever Right, definitely some traumatic things can like on different scales, but, um, at least acknowledging it, be like, oh yeah, this is what suffering looks like yeah okay, good yeah, good yeah this is an opportunity for me to to work through whatever it is yeah and then on the other end, when I arrive at a different spot in the season right
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: I'll appreciate it even further yeah, so suffering is a part of the gig which I, so it's like embrace it and love it.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: You got to yeah, so you can appreciate it.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Now, there's good suffering and there's bad suffering.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: There's suffering that sometimes people experience at the hands of people and they're innocent, and that's not okay.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: So, because of the world we live in, suffering experienced at the hands of evil people, that's not good suffering, but suffering just as a form of becoming who we were created to be that's good suffering.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: It's good stuff.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: So there's a verse in Romans that talks about suffering.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: It's like a block Suffering, and you can build blocks on top of each other.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Suffering leads to endurance, endurance leads to character and character leads to hope.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: It's Romans 5.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: So it's a process that all of us have to go through, but unfortunately, sometimes suffering is wasted on people.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: It's wasted and it's not redemptive, and that's sad Because it's hard.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: It's hard work, just like anything you do Rehabilitation, restoration, right.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: It's not going to come easy, it's going to hurt.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it hurts that, yeah, it hurts it's interesting.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: So suffering leads to endurance or perseverance.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Hoop-o-manoe, that's that umbrella I do all the time yeah and that leads to character, and character leads to hope, and hope is a hope that, hey, we're going to get through this together so you found with with in not the best situations, people will stay in suffering.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: It sucks um.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: They don't build enough endurance and they just go back to suffering again and they just stay in those two lower levels yes, so a movement, so you can get sometimes folks in a psychological space.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: Um, they can't, they don't get out of their suffering, they hold on to it because it becomes an identity to them.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: It becomes, and so that's dangerous.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Obviously it becomes a form of paralysis.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: We see that a lot Arrested development.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: With pain, yeah, like it's an identity, it's a marriage almost.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: You know it's part of their identity.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: At this point, like then, then we wouldn't ask.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we do like do you do you want to get better?
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: And the same thing, like not asking in a smart Alec way, but be like do you want to get better?
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and like well, of course I do.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: You know, we're like well, yeah you know and there's a lot of things I'm talking about, and I don't know the depth of people's pains and suffering and what they're going through.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Medicine that they need or things that they've gone through emotionally.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: There's some deep stuff out there that people experience, and so I get it.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Life is not easy, and sometimes to overcome the stuff that we've experienced, who am I to talk about some of the experiences other people have had that I haven't had?
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: But I also know that that to wallow in it and to stay in it, sometimes we medicate it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you reach for the bottle, for the drug, and we know where that goes, and so it becomes hopeless.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: You don't get hope.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: You never get to hope.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: You stay in that, in that paralyzing, disintegrating space of being overwhelmed with what they did to you or what happened to me, or how this didn't work out or how I failed, and it really it imprisons you and imprisons you In the prison of your own making.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: There's a key there's always a key, and you got it on the inside of your prison, and that's what the Enneagram teaches too You're imprisoned, but you got a key.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: The key is not on the outside of the door, it's on the inside.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: God has given you that key to unlock the prison that you have found yourself in, lived into, whatever.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: And the Enneagram is just an avenue tool, an asset that can be used.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: The danger with it is sometimes people use it in self-help arenas for self-salvation.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: And we're created.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: What do you mean by that?
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: So self-salvation is where you're like I don't need God, I don't need any of that, I don't need a creator to help me become.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: And I get what they're saying.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: They want to negate God, they want to negate a higher power, they want to negate somebody who they don't trust or think is there, whether it's their mind, scientifically, whatever they're like.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Nah, I'm not even going to entertain that.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: So it's a closed system.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: There's no God, it's the world, is the world.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: There's no penetrating force that comes in.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: So that's where people are at.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: So the Enneagram, used erroneously in my opinion is to use as a tool of self-salvation.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: It should be a tool that points you to the one who created you, points you to the one who has the resources, the love for us, so that we might become who we're created to be.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Self-salvation is like it's just me doing me and me taking care of my own destiny and honestly, as a human being, it's not possible.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Some people were saying right now oh, yes, it is, I'm doing it, I'm glad it's working for you.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: Glad it's working for you?
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I've met a lot of.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I've met a lot of really, really successful people that I would, in my own opinions, look at as like they're miserable.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and their family dynamics are rough, right, you know, sucks.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like I don't want to be that, right.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Some self-reflection and analysis and examination were like what's the difference here?
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean, yeah, but yeah, totally so, like for for sure, I would always reflect and examine, like, okay, cool, what's your family dynamic?
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Like you, know, yeah.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: So the enneagram should be a tool that points you to the one who created you and who loves you more than you can ever imagine, and uh wants you to be the best self.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: That's another some people talk about the enneagram is the best self best version of of themselves Best version of themselves yeah, so you mentioned there's animal types for all the types.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to get it, bro, the Winnie the Pooh types.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: Winnie the Pooh types I got.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I think I got those and people differ on some of them.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: So with Winnie the Pooh types one would be rabbit, like an anxiety, and they're not perfect yet.
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: Like a uh, an anxiety and they're not perfect yet.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: So you see the personality of rabbit.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Rabbit, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh man, I got to get this done, you know.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: So, like this intensity of um the they're running out of time and they're not perfect yet.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: So that's one.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: Two would be mama Rue.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: Mama Rue is just the caregiver for little Rue.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: Um, some people would say Rue is a three and that he's always looking for successful little things to do.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: So some people say Rue is that.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Four is Eeyore, eeyore.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Oh well, thanks for noticing Like that kind of melancholy personality type, eeyore.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Five would be Al, wise old owl.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Owl, an investigator, a knowledge accumulator, analytical, analytical, uh.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Six, a fear type would be piglet.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: You know, like chicken, little sky's fallen, always scanning the environment.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: A different kind of energy from a one who's got a desire for perfection, kind of anxiety.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: This is a deep-seated fear, in in uh, like in in piglet.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: So then seven would be tigger yeah, let's go bouncing around, let's go, let's bounce.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah let's get it done, let's have fun.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: And then, uh uh, eights would be gopher, always blowing things up.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: The dynamite types.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: They come into a situation, they like a good fight.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: Eights like a good fight.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: They love conflict for conflict's sake.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: They love getting in it with you and if they see a weakness they'll get you.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: They know the buttons are pressed, they're great.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: So they're always dynamiting things, always blowing it up.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: And so then, finally, nine is Winnie the Pooh.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Just chill, let's eat some honey, let's have a good time.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Peacemaker.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: Peacemaker yeah, just everybody be okay.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: Let's just have some honey together and, you know, enjoy life.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty much the Winnie the Pooh character.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: What about the country types?
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: So I wish I brought some of this stuff with me.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I can't remember all of them, but I don't really think I could do justice.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: But America's a three, america's a three.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Germany, they say, is a six type, spain eight ones or Sweden.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: I don't even want to say anymore, cause some people didn't know this.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: Like now, you got your country's wrong, so I don't remember all of them Got it.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: We won't dive into that then it's interesting, I didn't even know.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, um, the animal tests would be interesting too.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I'll look that up.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: Where do you people recommend people to if they want to take the test?
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: There's a bunch of tests.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a bunch of tests you go online.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: There's 20 question tests, so there's nine different personality types and there's 20 questions per personality type.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: So those are question tests.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: There's paragraph tests that you can do online.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: There's great books out there introductory books that can help you understand your type.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: What are the paragraph tests?
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: So this guy, david Daniels, wrote a book on the Enneagram.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: It's a little yellow book, and so David Daniels was the guy who really trained me and some of my buddies, and so the paragraph's just it's more of the narrative tradition.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: There's two traditions in the Enneagram the narrative when you go to a narrative conference, what they do is they have a panel and so they put threes on a panel, twos on a panel, ones on a panel and they they actually ask questions.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: And we're going to be doing this at the conference I have coming up.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: So Friday night we'll do a great sons of barbecue spread and we'll have one number on the panel from each type.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: And so I asked him questions how do you relate to time?
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: How do you relate to conflict?
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: Um, what's um, what do you love about your number?
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: What's difficult about your number?
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: What are some spiritual practices that really enhance you pursuing a deeper trueness of yourself?
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: So the panel is a narrative tradition where you learn about the Enneagram.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: That's why they have paragraphs by people talking about themselves.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: That's why it's narrative.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: So a great way to capture the energy of the Enneagram is listen to people talk about themselves who are pretty deep in self-discovery.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: They're able to articulate why they do what they do.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Now, the other side is the scholastic side, so it's a practitioner who studied the Enneagram and that's what we'll be doing Saturday morning, where one of us will teach on each type, similar to what I did now, but more in depth, and we'll go through each type and talk about the nuances, the fixations, the defense mechanisms, all those different things, and that's next Friday.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: It's Friday, it's the 3rd of May and the 4th.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: Saturday morning, so it's May 3rd, 6 to 9, and then in the morning from 9 to 2.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: So it'll be a panel.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: It'll be really fun with people who really understand their types, and in the morning it'll be more of a teaching time.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's cool.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're going to have Sons of Barbecue, which is explaining to people what Sons of Barbecue is.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: It's awesome.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: It's a man.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: They sometimes call me the minister of meat, but what we do is we create a lot of great food for our community.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: It's a thing that was developed years ago by Ken Coleman and Tim Gooley and they started just this men's ministry where we cooked a bunch of barbecue, we had events, we did stuff in the community.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: So these guys just honed their craft and they just cook all things barbecue and we just have a spread and have a.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: You know, we just have a ball doing it.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really cool, Loving the community.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Loving the community, loving our families, loving God and cooking good food.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: When I'm at a spot where sleeping and routine is a little bit more manageable, I'm coming on board.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: I want to learn.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you, bro.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I want to learn some stuff about how to barbecue and smoke some meats.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Smoke some meats Because I'm a meat guy, I'm a carnivore guy.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: So, from a coaching standpoint, what do you feel like you've learned and has been really helpful to manage all the differing personalities with the coaching lacrosse?
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: The beauty of the Enneagram.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: A lot of folks have written books on leadership in the Enneagram.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: I want to write a book, from a biblical perspective, on leadership which is shepherding.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: So I'm like an octopus, I got 10 different books.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like an octopus, I got 10 different books.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: I want to write too, but um, a coaching book on shepherding, and I will include the Enneagram in it.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: And so the the idea in the scriptures old Testament, new Testament the word they use for leadership or coaching is shepherd, have a shepherd's heart.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: A shepherd, have a shepherd's heart.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: So what I learned is there's a way that I coach that's very connected to my personality type, and so you see this in styles of leadership.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: So different leaders lead differently.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: So from a coaching perspective, an eight coach looks different from a seven coach looks different from a two coach, looks different from a one coach is.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: But they have to be aware of their style of coaching.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: So the other thing too in certain coaching cultures or schools, when you hire, it's good to know, it's a great onboarding tool, because then you hire, uh, to fit the culture of the athletic department.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: And so what happens is when you know the kind of students you have, the kind of student athletes you have.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: You have to really match them well, with the spiritual depth and maturity of the coach coming in, but also their personality type, if it's the culture of the kids.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: So I think that any type can be a great coach.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: It's really the measure of health In their number In their number.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really the measure of health In their number.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: In their number, yeah, it's their self-awareness.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: It's a phenomenal self-awareness tool.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: We do Enneagram for onboarding with us ARC yeah that's cool which is cool.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: It's just an awareness tool, yeah.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the awareness tool is great.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: So I think that my style of coaching and my perfectionism and my my tendency to be critical, I have to really check myself.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: So before games, before practice, I'm kind of getting into a deeper space with inside myself and knowing that if I'm not in a good space today in practice I'm going to hurt people because I'm going to be, I'm going to overdo perfectionism, I'm going to do overdue criticism and I'm not going to draw out of my players their full potential because I am not in a good space.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: So when I show up for practice for a game, if I'm not in a good space, I'm not going to create a good environment for my players a thriving environment a performance.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: If I wanted to perform, then I have to be coaching in a way that I'm drawing out of them the best part of who they are.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, for I was going to ask you, like, how do you get into a good space?
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Cause I totally, it totally makes sense.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: And, just reflecting on, like, there's been times as an athlete, but as a dad and as a owner, as a business owner, as a therapist, whatever I'm like, I'm in a good mood, you know, or I'm just in a zone, feel good, I'm in a clear headspace, great moment, great spot, and then other times we're not as great and other times bad.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm just pissed off or like.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: So I'm aware of that and it makes total sense, right?
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: How do you get into a good space consistently, a good headspace consistently?
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: So I'll have to follow up sometime and do this again with you, but there's like there's.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: There's so much to that thought, but the short answer is you got to create space and margins in your schedule where you can hit the pause button, even briefly.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: There's a form of prayer called contemplative prayer, which is huge for Enneagram theorists in terms of it's an adherence practice, and so when you become aware of who you are and why you do what you do, in order to develop and grow, you have to implement practices, an action plan, an adherence practices where you have you deepened awareness, you and you create that space in your schedule, in your week, in your day, where you hit the pause button so that you become more aware and what you do is you're drawing out the true self, the best of who you are.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: You want to bring that to the table and we fail often.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: But if we have strategies in our calendar, it's got to show up on your calendar.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: If it's not on your calendar, it's not happening.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: It's way less likely.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: It's going to happen.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: I tell people all the time I'm like dude concepts, ideas, whatever it's just like it's talking points, it's ideas, it's concepts.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: But unless you implement those concepts and ideas and action plans and spiritual practices, you're going nowhere.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: You can be full of knowledge but you're never going to get wisdom.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: Wisdom is applied knowledge.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: So unless you apply the things you're learning and do adherence practices, action plans where you incorporate that into your lives, you get with a coach that can help you go deeper in those areas that holds you accountable whether it's a physical coach or inner life coach whatever it might be.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: A little plug for inner life coaching.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: That's what I do.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: Awesome, I'm going to ask you about that.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, keep going.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so those practices get on your schedule.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you about that.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, keep going.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so those practices get on your schedule.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: They just got to get on your schedule.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, if it's not on your calendar, it's not happening.
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: So I'm a bulldog on that with the guys I meet with.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like bring your, bring your calendar.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: And also the other day I was talking to a guy that I meet with.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: I said dude, are you taking care of yourself?
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're crushing it in your business, right?
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: He goes yeah, I'm picking up the slack for all the other guys that I'm partners with.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like how's that working for you?
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: He goes I'm getting resentment.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not good with it.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: We got to sit down.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: He goes yeah, you need to do some kind of intervention.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: I said so what are you doing on Saturdays?
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I'm picking up on the stuff they're not doing.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like is that working for you?
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: He said no, I just told you it's not working for me.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: I go, you got to fix it.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: I said what are you going to do?
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: And I said there's this thing called Sabbath your life.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: And so on Easter he sent me a picture of him out on the water just chilling with his family.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: And I go dude that's what I'm talking about and I said you need to do that every week.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: So now he's incorporating golf into his week.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: He's shutting it down.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: The business is not going to go away.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: It's going to be fine.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: There's going to be a million clients to deal with, finances to take care of, there's challenges he has with his partners, but at the end of the day, he's got to take care of himself.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: So it's showing up on his calendar and if I love him, if you love your patients which you do you're going to push him.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: You got to push him.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: You got to say hey, man, I'm not meeting with you again until you get this done, I go.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: No, I need to meet.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: Nope, you didn't do what I asked you to do last time, so we're not going to meet.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: He goes man, that's cold.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I go no, that's loving.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: He goes.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Can we meet for five minutes?
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I go yeah, we'll be for five minutes.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on?
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: Like, getting in the right headspace or just some self-reflection, trying to expose more frequently the best version of yourself?
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: A person's self self-affirmation paragraphs, bullet points or talks yeah, what are your thoughts on those?
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: So how you, how you ask that again how you develop-.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on?
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Like to get in a good headspace, right.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: To get in a good headspace.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: So, like you have yourself, you have the quiet time, the soul care time on your calendar.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on, also self-help?
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Specific practices that you can engage in to deepen the true self that you long to be for people you love.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it brings healing and depth to all your relationships.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: How do you do that Enneagram does that.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: So I journal.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Journaling.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Journaling.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: So you do spend some time journaling.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: Get a good journal, get a good pen.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: It's got to feel good in your hands, nice journal and then record your stuff.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: It's like spend some time and just record.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: It's got to be raw.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: There's some times when I went through a tough time with my wife and Brenda.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: If you're listening to this right now, don't read some of my journals.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: But it's raw to begin with, but then as I move through it it becomes very prayerful and it gets to a place of truth and love.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: So journaling a huge practice for the guys I meet with and women I encourage to journal involves some type of quiet prayer, contemplative prayer in your life.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: It's a listening prayer.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: It's not you talking, it's just a quiet and there's strategies for that.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: There's techniques you can do in certain realms called meditation.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: But from a biblical perspective, in Psalms, there's a contemplative type of prayer.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: It's God's first language was silence, and so incorporate contemplative prayer in your life.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: Another one solitude and silence.
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: Get a day a month, carve out a day a month, five hours in the morning, just get it on your calendar and again, that's a great time for journaling, but it's a time just for you to be alone, to listen to your soul, to cleanse, to unclutter, to debrief, and you have to have a chunk of time.
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: It's got to be more than five minutes or 10 minutes, it's got to be four hours.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: Another thing is incorporate pilgrimage into your life.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: I do sworn adventures with people One of the things I mentioned earlier and I take guys on adventures fishing, golfing, hunting, um, boar hunting, boar hunting all those crazy things that we've done together.
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: Right, Just getting away doing something different.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: But pilgrimage is huge, that's a major practice.
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: And getting off the grid, doing something for yourself With guys for like three, four days, laughing.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Recreation is to recreate.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Recreation is recreate, to recreate, to learn to play.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: We need to play.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Play is super important, not just for the kids but for us as men.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: I think one thing growing up that I really appreciated in the youth group that you guys were doing is that, versus like no, we can't have fun because we need to worship, it's like no, we can't have fun, we can't do that because we need to pray.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: Like dude, this is boring.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: Or like we don't want to live like this.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: We're not just minions running around.
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: Right, like I imagine the creator wants us to have fun and enjoy our life.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, Right, yes, for every single type of number on the Enneagram.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: God longs to see his children play.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: You watch your kids play.
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, do you love it?
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Love it, love it, as long as my son isn't like pulling my daughter's hair and hitting each other.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: That's how God is too.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: He wants to watch us play.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: He doesn't want to see you hurting each other.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: So when play, when our play, impinges on other people's joy, that's not good.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: So, but play is so important.
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: It's such a deep spiritual practice to play.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: Tell us about your inner life coach business, yeah, so just out of all the stuff I've been doing in the church with you guys, forever creating space for guys, to it's kind of like a spiritual friendship.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: In Celtic Christianity they call it Adamkara.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: Adamkara is to create a safe place for another soul.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: I think I mentioned this earlier, the whole idea of Adamkara, beautiful Celtic Gaelic word for that kind of a friendship.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: So interlife solutions, what I've hoped to do it's more like an end game.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: As I move into retirement years from now it'll be something I do to the grave, uh, and so you know I have a few clients here and there.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: It's it's kind of a slow play, but you know I'm always open to more opportunities.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: But what I've tried to do with that is to be available for corporate mediation.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: Like I mentioned earlier with some corporate stuff.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: I have a thing going on in, maybe in Tampa before long, just to do some corporate mediation with folks who and it's just like they're not, somebody's not pulling the weight or this is not good or whatever, and so that's part of the inner life solution.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: So what I try to do is bring the spiritual life to bear.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: So it's like an executive coaching thing with a deep spiritual emphasis.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: That's the niche.
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: A different niche that I've carved out.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: I bring to the table.
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: So it's coaching, but it's inner life solutions where I'm like talking about.
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: A lot of stuff I talk to you about is creating space to become fully developed for those you love pursuing it, pursuing maturity and healing and depth.
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: So inner life solutions really challenges guys on the top.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: It's a place for guys on the top.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: So and I do, I do this with a lot of guys now.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: I've been doing it all my life.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: Some of these guys are not paying for it, so if you're listening right now, you need to pay up.
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: It's not free.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: I've become a friend to kings, so so much of my one-on-ones are with guys that are just like crushing it.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: They're presidents of organizations, ceos, cfos, and they're just like they're grinders.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: They're super successful, but I become a soul friend for them, a safe place.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: So that's valuable.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: And that position with those really successful people, what seems to be a lot of their main issues like problems.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: They just want someone to listen.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: man, I've heard like leadership is lonely.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: It's very lonely and one of the most lonely positions well, I think Mary told me this One of the most lonely positions is a pastor.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, have you heard like?
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: Is that accurate?
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is, and so I've done it.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: With the book I wrote about friendship sworn friendship in a fragile world.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: If I'm going to talk about friendship, I better have friends.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: So I've made that a front and that's been super important to me to create a culture of friendship.
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: That's the other thing we do too with churches is we try to go in with men's ministry, create cultures of friendship to really help that happen.
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: So yeah, loneliness pastors, ceos, and so what happens is what do they want to talk about?
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: They just want someone to listen.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: They want someone to reflect back to them.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: They want to be challenged in a safe place.
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: They actually kind of.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: A lot of times it goes into not necessarily what's going on in their business, but I go how are you doing at home?
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: They want to talk about that.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: And then I bring the spiritual life to bear on all those things Because, honestly, at the end of the day, without that spiritual peace to your life, you're going to be empty.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: It's a void you can't avoid.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: You can't.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: It's a void.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: We're created with a space within us that has to be filled by your creator that loves you.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: That's interesting.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: Inner life solutions it's a great idea, for sure.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Inner life solutions it's a great idea, for sure.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: Um, all right, before we end this super depth conversation, which is awesome, um, we're gonna have you on again, for sure, about coaching and all that stuff you mentioned.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: For the uh workshop you have coming up in engram.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: You're gonna have a panel of people up there.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: It's like what's your perception and lens for time?
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: What's your perception and lens for this and this?
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: What are your answers for those questions as a one Because you're a pretty good self-diagnosed, understood one- yeah.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: So a time for me as a one, a perfectionist, is an anxiety to me.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: So ones can be a look like number four, a six too, because it's anxiety or fear in there.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: So for me, myieties is I'm running out of time and I'm not perfect yet.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: I'm not perfect yet, and so the time if you wear a watch, it's like a weight that weighs me down.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: I'm running out of time, I'm not perfect yet, and I have all these voices in my head that are like they just drown me sometimes.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: Shoulda, coulda, wouldas, man, sud, you should be this by now.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: You should have done this Really.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: You see what that guy's doing.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Why aren't you doing that?
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: It's like it's terrorizing voices.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: They torment me.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: So ones with time are terrorized by time.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: It's nasty Until I get to a good space, then I don't allow it to do that.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: In terms of conflict, man, I could be an idiot.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: Ones can be jerks.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: I go right at conflict and sometimes I can be very strong and aggressive.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: This is just me, and some ones are different.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: So that's the interesting thing too, is ones can give an answer to a question like I'm giving right now, but based on the context in which they grew up and maybe the nuances of their personality or their wings.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: There's wings, there's tri-types, there's all these different nuances to Enneagram.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: That goes wicked deep and subtypes, but when I'm in conflict I address it, and sometimes too much so.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: So I can become aggressive and overbearing and scary because my anger comes out.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: So I'm an anger type.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: So what happens is I unleash my anger sometimes when I'm in conflict and then I hurt people.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: So, um, what I love about being a one is man, it's just I love influencing people.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: I just love my passion to influence.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: So whenever you ask me to do this, I'm like, yeah, a hundred percent.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: How many people do I get to reach?
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: You know, so that that that whole thing, the Enneagram conference, like I just love helping people, I love the inner life.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: I love thinking deeply about people's lives and their roadblocks and the paths they went down and how to reroute the path and recover what they've lost.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: What's difficult about being a one is the voices in my head my mom's voice, my coach's voices.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: They just never stop.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel schizophrenic, like sometimes I'll be in my study, I'll be talking to myself, talk to myself, and so it's crazy Spiritual practice for me solitude and silence, just to get in touch with my soul.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: So some of those things are super important.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: Journaling.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: Gotcha, I'm writing all this stuff down.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: It's like questions you know for myself and stuff.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: So time, what do you love about it?
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: What's difficult about it?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where you get, how you deal with conflict.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: What's a perfect day?
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Describe your perfect day.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: That's one of the questions I'm going to ask on the panel.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: Describe your perfect day, and it'll be interesting to hear different numbers describe their perfect day.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: Mine could be sitting reading a good book and walking around my garden.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: Outside.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Some people are like what you like to garden?
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: I thought you were like a man.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like stop One, buddy gives me a hard time because I like to go to the Flower Garden show at Epcot.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: I'm like yeah.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: I love to watch things grow.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, one loves to watch things grow and falls in love with beauty.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: Interesting Thanks for sharing.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: Thanks for coming in.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, this is awesome.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: That's awesome, I love it.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: What are we going to do this again?
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: Let's do it for two more hours.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: I know We'll have to do it.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: Let's go For sure, but thanks for coming in.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: Man, if someone wants to reach you for inner life coaching, inner life solutions or just at church, what's the best way for people to reach you, gosh?
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: My number?
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: Should I give my number?
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: number if you want to, you don't have to.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know, that's a great question.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: All right, or just come to first prez and you're always there running around, or even reach out to you, scared of my kids.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, can I get such contact?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Reach out to me and I'll yeah, I'll be the.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: I'll be the sifter.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: You can be the buffer.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be the buffer there's not somebody I want to hang out with for sure, cool, all right, man.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: well, thanks for coming in.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: Uh, and if y'all have any questions, you can always reach out to us.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: We're always open to questions, suggestions, comments, conflicting opinions.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: Definitely reach out.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: If you have any questions as a patient or pain that you're dealing with, you can definitely reach out to us 561-899-8725, or our email team at athleteRCcom, and we'd love to hear from you.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: So