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Checking In w/ Living vs. Existing · The Breakfast Club

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Listen if you think you
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Speaker 1: just need, you know, a little wisdom, some encouragement, this
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Speaker 1: is the episode for you to listen to. We're gonna
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Speaker 1: talk about all things trust, the difference between living and
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Speaker 1: just existing. I just felt the need to encourage some
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Speaker 1: of the listeners out there. Y'all have been rocking with
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Speaker 1: me now for three years, and I said every episode,
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Speaker 1: I don't take your listening, and you're downloading the episodes
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Speaker 1: for granted add at all. Maybe tug on a friend
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Speaker 1: and tell them, hey, this episode is for you. All right, y'all,
1:00
Speaker 1: we are really in the month of May. It really
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Speaker 1: is the fifth month of twenty twenty three, y'all. This
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Speaker 1: month is moving, This year is moving, and I hope
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Speaker 1: you're moving with it. I began to think about the
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Speaker 1: difference between living and existing and just trying to gauge
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Speaker 1: the areas that I've just been existing in and areas
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Speaker 1: that I think I'm thriving in, thriving and living because
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Speaker 1: life is going to always present a set of challenges,
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Speaker 1: and my desire is for divine strategy and divine wisdom
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Speaker 1: on how to navigate the obstacles and challenges that come
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Speaker 1: my way, not only divine wisdom and strategies on how
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Speaker 1: to overcome those obstacles. It's like, okay, also, Lord place
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Speaker 1: divine help around me. But that is going to require trust,
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Speaker 1: which I think I've said before, I haven't had an assistant. Ooh,
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Speaker 1: I haven't had a real assistant in over ten years
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Speaker 1: because of my lack of trust. And I've got to
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Speaker 1: get over that. I've got to give people an opportunity
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Speaker 1: not to prove themselves, because I wouldn't want anyone to
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Speaker 1: work for me and think they have to perform for
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Speaker 1: my trust. Now what do I mean perform? Well, let
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Speaker 1: me do this to make sure that she no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: no no. I want you to be you. And I've
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Speaker 1: been reading this book. It's a brand new book by
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Speaker 1: doctor Henry Cloud called Trust. So y'all know doctor Henry
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Speaker 1: Cloud is one of my favorite author of Safe People
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Speaker 1: and Boundaries. He's got a few different versions of boundaries.
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Speaker 1: He's got boundaries and dating boundary, I mean just so many.
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Speaker 1: He's the bomb, amazing great psychologists, but he talks to
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Speaker 1: you in a practical way. He's from Louisiana. So he's
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Speaker 1: got a definite down to earth approach. And the subtitle
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Speaker 1: of his book Trust is called knowing when to give it,
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Speaker 1: when to withhold it, how to earn it, and how
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Speaker 1: to fix it when it gets broken. So I'm going
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Speaker 1: to dive into some of those excerpts later. But I
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Speaker 1: was trying to just figure out areas that I'm thriving
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Speaker 1: in and then areas where, man, have I just gotten
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Speaker 1: so numb in certain areas, And so I just felt
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Speaker 1: led to encourage some folks out there who are kind
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Speaker 1: of walking through life a little numb, because that's how
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Speaker 1: you've chosen to protect yourself. You know, like when you
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Speaker 1: go to the doctor and they have to give you
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Speaker 1: a shot, or you're getting some dental work done and
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Speaker 1: you gotta get a shot so they'll numb the area,
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Speaker 1: and it's kind of like for your protection, so that
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Speaker 1: you don't feel the pain. I will never forget a
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Speaker 1: couple of years ago, I had a dream that I
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Speaker 1: was being rolled into a surgical room and I was
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Speaker 1: getting surgery or they were gonna cut a leg or something,
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Speaker 1: but they did not want to give me anesthesia, and
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Speaker 1: I remember I kept screaming I don't want to feel
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Speaker 1: the pain. I don't want to feel the pain. I
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Speaker 1: don't want to feel the pain. Like bro, give me medicine,
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Speaker 1: give me anesthesia. Numb the area. So, yes, numbing the
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Speaker 1: area that's painful before you put a needle lined or
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Speaker 1: do surgery or whatever. Yeah, that's good. It is a
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Speaker 1: form of protection so that we're not terrorized by pain later,
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Speaker 1: so that we're not terrorized to go to the doctor,
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Speaker 1: you know, for surgery or to get you know, a
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Speaker 1: shot or medicine, and you got to get an IV.
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Speaker 1: I get it, I get it. But there are some
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Speaker 1: times where you're gonna actually have to feel the pain
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Speaker 1: in order to heal the pain. I cannot heal something
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Speaker 1: that I don't feel. You cannot walk around numb your
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Speaker 1: entire life, because to me, when you're walking around numb,
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Speaker 1: that means there's some areas of healing. And I think
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Speaker 1: we lessen the quality of life when we walk around
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Speaker 1: just so numb and we just want to be so disassociated.
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Speaker 1: And actually disassociation is actually a trauma response. It's what
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Speaker 1: is happening to you as you are being abused or
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Speaker 1: in an unsafe environment. You literally mentally disassociate yourself. It's
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Speaker 1: like out of body. I don't want to see it.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. I don't want to
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Speaker 1: feel it. I remember back in twenty eighteen, I had
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Speaker 1: a moment of disassociation, and I don't remember the phone
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Speaker 1: calls made to me. I don't remember anything that I
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Speaker 1: even did in that period of time. So you can chuckst.
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Speaker 1: It could be disassociation, or it could even be a
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Speaker 1: psychotic break like you're so traumatized you just now. This
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Speaker 1: is different to me blacking out to do harm to
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Speaker 1: somebody else. I'm talking about what happens when something has
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Speaker 1: been done to you, or you've gotten some news that
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Speaker 1: you just couldn't handle. Have you ever seen a loveding
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Speaker 1: or maybe yourself when you got news that someone passed
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Speaker 1: away and it was unexpected and you pass out, You
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Speaker 1: black out, You don't remember anything, right. But then there's
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Speaker 1: sometimes where we are aware of the moment, but for
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Speaker 1: the future, we just do things in our life where
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Speaker 1: we're like, you know, I don't want to feel the pain.
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Speaker 1: It's because you don't want to feel the pain. You
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Speaker 1: won't go over Grandma's house anymore because y'all are so close,
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Speaker 1: and when she passed away, you just can't. You don't
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Speaker 1: want to feel the pain. You don't want to. You
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Speaker 1: don't want to smell fried chicken no more because it
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Speaker 1: reminds you of your best friend, because y'all used to
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Speaker 1: smoke weed and eat chicken wings when you had the munchies,
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Speaker 1: and now they're no longer here, or you're even someone
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Speaker 1: who's actually maybe y'all broke up and you just want
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Speaker 1: to disassociate yourself from the memories, or you want to
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Speaker 1: disassociate yourself from the pain that they caused you. I
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Speaker 1: get it, but we got to heal that pain so
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Speaker 1: we can be able to feel the wind on our cheeks,
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Speaker 1: the sun beat on our face. You want to be
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Speaker 1: able to feel the love that someone else is trying
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Speaker 1: to give you, but because you're so blocked off, you
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Speaker 1: can't feel love. And I know you ain't given love.
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Speaker 1: So I just wanted to speak into that, you know,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes in order to feel the pain to heal it,
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Speaker 1: I would encourage you to unpack that pain with someone,
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Speaker 1: a professional or someone that you deem safe. Well, what
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Speaker 1: do you mean, Michelle, So if you want to unpack
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Speaker 1: your pain with someone and process your pain with a friend.
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Speaker 1: Some steps are asked that friend and be like, hey,
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Speaker 1: I want to process something with you, something that's just
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Speaker 1: been weighing me down. But before I unload on you emotionally,
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Speaker 1: are you in a place to help me right now? Now?
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Speaker 1: You're a safe person, And if that person is a
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Speaker 1: safe person, you are giving them the choice to say,
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Speaker 1: of course, let's talk. Or that person might say, Hey,
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Speaker 1: let me put my kids to bed right quick, let
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Speaker 1: me feed the dogs, let me make sure my partner
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Speaker 1: has eaten, and I'm gonna call you back in an hour.
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Speaker 1: Or that person might say I want to give y'all
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Speaker 1: permission to even tell that person like, man, I'm in
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Speaker 1: a place right now that I can listen, but I
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Speaker 1: just want to let you know I'm in a place
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Speaker 1: right now where you might not want to hear my
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Speaker 1: advice on a situation because I'm going through it too.
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Speaker 1: So I'm just giving you variations of how to ask
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Speaker 1: somebody and and what a safe person's response can be.
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Speaker 1: An unsafe person will be like, man, I hope we
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Speaker 1: ain't finna talk about so and so because I told
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Speaker 1: you not to date them in the first place. See
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Speaker 1: if you didn't date them. You wouldn't be heartbroken if
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Speaker 1: man I told you not to move back to so
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Speaker 1: and so. That's unsafe a safe person. I've already given
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Speaker 1: you a couple variations of how a safe person will
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Speaker 1: respond if you decide you want to unpack the pain
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Speaker 1: or unpacked the pain with a professional counselor. But I
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Speaker 1: really want you to get that weight off of you.
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Speaker 1: I feel like the pain you carry is weight. It's
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Speaker 1: kind of like imagine if you're trying to walk on
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Speaker 1: a beautiful beach and you got buckets in your hand
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Speaker 1: because you're supposed to be collecting sand, but it's nothing
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Speaker 1: but stones, and each stone represents pain you're carrying. Each
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Speaker 1: stone represents betrayal, disappointment, regret, and it seems like it's
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Speaker 1: light to carry at first, but the longer you keep walking,
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Speaker 1: it gets heavier. So I want you to be able
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Speaker 1: to walk through life and unburden yourselves. I want you
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Speaker 1: to lighten your load. To my friends that are listening,
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Speaker 1: who listen every week, I want to call your name individually,
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Speaker 1: but baby girl, unload that pain. That pain is not
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Speaker 1: your identity. It is not who you are. The pain
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Speaker 1: that someone inflicted on you is not who you are.
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Speaker 1: The disappointment you feel, that's not your identity. You have
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Speaker 1: nothing to do with that. But you are responsible for
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Speaker 1: your healing. You cannot put your healing in the hands
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Speaker 1: of the person that hurt you in the first place.
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Speaker 1: Nine times out of ten they have moved on with
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Speaker 1: their life. They probably don't even know that you hurt.
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Speaker 1: They hurt you because they're so toxic, they're so used
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Speaker 1: to living in dysfunction that they think it's normal. No, no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: it is not normal. Just because you survive dysfunction, don't
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Speaker 1: mean it's normal, all right. Surviving abuse, being abused is
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Speaker 1: not normal, verbally, physically, in any kind of way. It's
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Speaker 1: not cool, all right. So that will get you to
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Speaker 1: a place of living and not just existing because you
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Speaker 1: chose to numb yourself because of all the pain that
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Speaker 1: you're in. And maybe maybe you're not the person in pain.
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Speaker 1: Maybe you're in relationship with someone who is and it's
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Speaker 1: affecting the quality of your relationships. And I'm not just
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Speaker 1: talking about romantic relationships, just people you friends with some
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Speaker 1: how do you cool it? They always come into the
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Speaker 1: house down, They always negative that they're in pain. Help them,
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Speaker 1: Maybe initiate the conversation and be like, friend, it's been
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Speaker 1: about four years. I don't know whether it's been a
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Speaker 1: year four years and we keep talking about the same thing,
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Speaker 1: or I knowice like you just seem so irritable, and
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Speaker 1: irritability is often mistake for anger when it's really depression,
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Speaker 1: all right. So that person could just be depressed because
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Speaker 1: they haven't had an outlet or a safe place to
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Speaker 1: share you know what they've been going through, you know
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Speaker 1: what I mean. My pastor said something on Sunday, he
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Speaker 1: said some people want attention, not intervention. So you gonna
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Speaker 1: have those people in your life as well, but make
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Speaker 1: sure it's not you, all right, And make sure that
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Speaker 1: when a person is talking to you, you have permission
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Speaker 1: to say I hear what you're saying, and thank you
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Speaker 1: so much for sharing. Are you just wanting me to listen?
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Speaker 1: Or do you want my advice? Or can I help
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Speaker 1: you with a solution, especially if you have a track
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Speaker 1: record of great solutions, Especially if you have a great
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Speaker 1: track record like I'm gonna take advice from somebody who
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Speaker 1: got a life that I want to live. Well, I
13:21
Speaker 1: guess you can also listen to people who live a
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Speaker 1: life you don't want to live because of bad choices
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Speaker 1: that they made. You can look at them and be like, Okay,
13:27
Speaker 1: you a blueprint and you out of life that I
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Speaker 1: don't want to live, but it's a possibility. Like I
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Speaker 1: feel like I have the authority to speak on areas
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Speaker 1: of healing depression, anxiety. I feel like I've walked through enough.
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Speaker 1: I feel like I've overcome enough. I feel like I believe.
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Speaker 1: I hope I've been a good witness to y'all about
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Speaker 1: being resilient, getting that bounced back, you know, from situations
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Speaker 1: that were meant to kill me, humiliate me, embarrass me,
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Speaker 1: or make me just want to give up on life.
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Speaker 1: Through the grace of God and y'all's prayers and support, oooh,
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Speaker 1: I'm here. I'm here, and there are so many other
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Speaker 1: people who've got a great track record of living this
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Speaker 1: life that you can talk to. And so I really
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Speaker 1: pray that, and I hope y'all allow me to say
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Speaker 1: the word pray. My prayer is that you get surrounded
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Speaker 1: with safe people and people you can trust. So, speaking
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Speaker 1: of trust, I have been reading this book called Trust
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Speaker 1: by doctor Henry Cloud. Again. The subtitle is knowing when
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Speaker 1: to give it, when to withhold it, how to earn it,
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Speaker 1: and how to fix it when it gets broken. Y'all,
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Speaker 1: we gotta trust. Have you ever heard people that say,
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Speaker 1: I don't trust nobody, but you get on an airplane.
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Speaker 1: You don't know the pilot, you don't know the flight attendance,
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Speaker 1: but you on that plane. I don't trust nobody, but
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Speaker 1: you get your food delivered. I don't trust nobody, but
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Speaker 1: you drive a car hoping that everybody obeys the traffic
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Speaker 1: signals and stop signs. Child, you ain't got that one person,
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Speaker 1: so ask them if you don't trust nobody. You took
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Speaker 1: the subway to work today, did you trust the conductor
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Speaker 1: and that the train would not derail based on the
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Speaker 1: people that are to ensure that the train stays on
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Speaker 1: the rail. So you trust somebody, all right? Ain't that funny?
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Speaker 1: So there are some things in the book where he
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Speaker 1: says we can become better and better at knowing who
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Speaker 1: is trustworthy and who is not, and we can get
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Speaker 1: better at deciding when and with whom we will put
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Speaker 1: ourselves at risk. Loving someone is a risk. Being in
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Speaker 1: relationship with some is a risk. Chow some of your
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Speaker 1: coworkers is a risk. But it is a risk that
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Speaker 1: majority of the time you will find that it was
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Speaker 1: a risk worth taking. There's a part in this book
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Speaker 1: that says, possibly everyone reading this book, including me, has
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Speaker 1: been victimized by a betrayal small or large that still stings.
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Speaker 1: We all have our stories of misplaced trust. We either
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Speaker 1: missed warning signs and moved forward when we shouldn't have,
16:51
Speaker 1: or worse, the warning signs were not visible, y'all. I
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Speaker 1: definitely moved forward on something when I shouldn't have. Before,
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Speaker 1: I moved forward on doing a reality show when something
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Speaker 1: in the pit of my stomach said do not do it,
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Speaker 1: and we did it anyway, And I think we both
17:12
Speaker 1: did it because we were like, no, this is just
17:15
Speaker 1: the first time of doing something like this. We're just afraid. No. No,
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Speaker 1: God was trying to protect. He was trying to protect
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Speaker 1: so much in that season of my life, but I
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Speaker 1: did not heed to that warning, missing warning signs. This
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Speaker 1: book says everything about the situation looked good on the surface,
17:37
Speaker 1: and maybe it was, but we got burned. Anyway, when
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Speaker 1: we look back, we say to ourselves, I just didn't
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Speaker 1: see that coming, or how could they have done that
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Speaker 1: to me? We were such good friends or lovers or partners.
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Speaker 1: How could they have treated me that way? And sometimes
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Speaker 1: it is not even an actual betrayal, but someone's honest
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Speaker 1: inability to do what we need. We don't have good answers,
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Speaker 1: but we do have scars. I promise you that you
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Speaker 1: will never be betrayed or let down again after reading
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Speaker 1: this book. Okay. One of the goals of the book
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Speaker 1: is to equip you to know how to read between
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Speaker 1: the lines of what someone tells you, tries to sell you,
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Speaker 1: or promises you, and to be able to see what
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Speaker 1: is trustworthy and what is not. Listen, I got to
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Speaker 1: have him on the podcast. But this blessed me so
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Speaker 1: much and blessed me so much, especially when you are
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Speaker 1: in a situation where you're like, Okay, I don't trust,
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Speaker 1: but I want to trust. This book even says that
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Speaker 1: trust muscles can be repaired. Isn't that encouraging because maybe
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Speaker 1: you were the person that inflicted pain, right, and so
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Speaker 1: you are working to establish trust in a relationship again,
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Speaker 1: And so I was encouraged. You know when he said
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Speaker 1: in the book that trust muscles can be repaired. You
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Speaker 1: gotta heal first, get past the anger and need for
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Speaker 1: revenge and forgive, ponder and determine its reconciliation possible, and
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Speaker 1: then a new track record being built. So while you're
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Speaker 1: building those trust muscles, somebody should be able to look
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Speaker 1: back and say, ma'am, you really hurt me or you
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Speaker 1: really disappointed me, but your track record these past six
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Speaker 1: months or this past year has helped me rebuild my
19:39
Speaker 1: trust in you. Listen, you ain't perfect. I'm not perfect.
19:43
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna need someone to trust me again.
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Speaker 1: And I have been in that place where I needed
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Speaker 1: someone to trust me again. And I love I love love, love,
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Speaker 1: love love love. The five essentials of trust, he says
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Speaker 1: that you can trust someone when you feel your needs
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Speaker 1: or understood, felt and cared about. So that's understanding. The
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Speaker 1: second essential love trust is motive, when he says you
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Speaker 1: can trust someone when you feel their motive is for you,
20:15
Speaker 1: not just for themselves. I have been in situations where
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Speaker 1: I've been asked to do something and I be like, now,
20:23
Speaker 1: how this's gonna work out for me? What's in it
20:25
Speaker 1: for me? Now? There are moments where you do do
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Speaker 1: things for people because you're like, God's been so good
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Speaker 1: to me. I don't need nothing out of this, I'm
20:33
Speaker 1: gonna show up, I'm there, let's go. But then there
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Speaker 1: are some people you're like, they kind of got an
20:39
Speaker 1: opportuneist spirit on them, right, So you can trust someone
20:44
Speaker 1: when you feel that even when they ask of you
20:47
Speaker 1: to do something, you still feel like their motive is
20:51
Speaker 1: for you and not just for themselves. A thirty central
20:56
Speaker 1: love trust is ability. You can trust someone when you
20:59
Speaker 1: feel they have the ability or capacity to guard and
21:02
Speaker 1: deliver results for what you have and trusted to them. Okay,
21:05
Speaker 1: some of y'all are in partnership with a friend loved one,
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Speaker 1: y'all are opening up a business. Uh, y'all decided, Hey,
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Speaker 1: we gonna do a food truck, or we gonna have
21:17
Speaker 1: a dance group, or we're gonna design clothes together. And
21:22
Speaker 1: they keep missing deadlines, your trust is eventually waning or
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Speaker 1: they barely meet the deadline, and you're like, I don't
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Speaker 1: trust that you're gonna deliver. I don't trust that you
21:33
Speaker 1: can do this work. So another essential of trust is
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Speaker 1: the ability. Do they have the ability to deliver results
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Speaker 1: for what you've been trusted them to do. Maybe you
21:43
Speaker 1: have a company and you've hired someone and they keep
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Speaker 1: dropping the ball The amazing thing about this book is
21:49
Speaker 1: just not trust as it relates to romantic partners or family.
21:54
Speaker 1: It's also for leaders. It's also for business owners. It's
21:57
Speaker 1: you know, you're like, yo, I got employees, and do
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Speaker 1: what I keep dropping the ball. I'm starting to lose
22:03
Speaker 1: trust in them. Baby, Listen, they gotta know honey, you
22:08
Speaker 1: lose and trust in them and they finna lose what
22:10
Speaker 1: they say You about to lose your job. Uh. The
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Speaker 1: fourth e center of trust is character. You can trust
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Speaker 1: someone who has the character or personal makeup needed for
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Speaker 1: what you and trust them with Trusting someone who has
22:25
Speaker 1: the character. Ooh. Character is so important because it's not
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Speaker 1: it's not what you do really on stage, it's how
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Speaker 1: are you off the stage? It's not what you do
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Speaker 1: in front of everybody? What are you like behind closed doors? Hey? Oh,
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Speaker 1: I know for me, that's something you gotta work on
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Speaker 1: every day because I don't want to be the person
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Speaker 1: where it's like the world adores me, but my kids
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Speaker 1: one day or my husband one day is lit. But
23:03
Speaker 1: she was a witch at home? You know what I mean? Like, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: you will all of that to match. No, it's all
23:09
Speaker 1: gotta make sense. Character people the fifth essentials of trust
23:17
Speaker 1: is you can trust someone who has a track record
23:20
Speaker 1: of performing in the ways you need them to perform.
23:23
Speaker 1: Track record, all right, you can trust someone who has
23:26
Speaker 1: the track record of just showing up when people say
23:30
Speaker 1: they're gonna do something. They're there, you're getting ready to move,
23:35
Speaker 1: and someone says, okay, i' a beat, I may help
23:37
Speaker 1: you pack it all up, and I'm gonna let you
23:39
Speaker 1: use my truck, and we and then they don't show up,
23:44
Speaker 1: they don't call, and they've done this like twice on you.
23:48
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Y'all. It blessed me so much. And the
23:54
Speaker 1: five essentials of trust again, those five essentials are under standing, motive, ability, character,
24:03
Speaker 1: and track record. But y'all, it made me ask two
24:07
Speaker 1: questions of myself. It made me ask who is in
24:12
Speaker 1: my life that has these five essentials? Who is in
24:16
Speaker 1: your life that has those five essentials? And then the
24:20
Speaker 1: other question I had was do I carry these essentials
24:25
Speaker 1: in me? Can people say that I have those five
24:30
Speaker 1: essentials of trust? I've been big on talking about setting boundaries, right,
24:38
Speaker 1: but like, how many people have maybe had to set
24:41
Speaker 1: a boundary with me, Lisa, I'm setting boundaries. I don't
24:45
Speaker 1: trust nobody. Well do people trust you? Do you carry
24:51
Speaker 1: those five trust essentials? Can people say your motive is pure?
24:58
Speaker 1: Can people say that you show up up? Can people
25:01
Speaker 1: say you know what so and so is a hot mess?
25:05
Speaker 1: But they are consistent, they got my back. I'm so grateful.
25:15
Speaker 1: I know I got at least one hand of people
25:21
Speaker 1: that I can name right now that are consistent. We
25:25
Speaker 1: might not talk every day every week, but they are
25:29
Speaker 1: consistent in showing up. They are consistent in how they
25:34
Speaker 1: move towards me and with me. I'm thankful, I'm super thankful.
25:41
Speaker 1: But I always got to make sure that that level
25:44
Speaker 1: of trust and how I need people to show up
25:47
Speaker 1: for me. I gotta make sure that I show up
25:50
Speaker 1: for them and don't just show up when it's convenient.
25:55
Speaker 1: Isn't it something where you're like, you know, I got
25:57
Speaker 1: a call off work, but I'm gonna be there for
25:59
Speaker 1: you in your time need. I'm gonna take a vacation
26:02
Speaker 1: day and I'm gonna be there. Somebody might lost their parents,
26:05
Speaker 1: lost a loved one, or lost a job and they're
26:07
Speaker 1: going through depression. Can you show up for somebody? Can
26:12
Speaker 1: you instacart them some some groceries, child I'll never forget
26:18
Speaker 1: during COVID if folks that I knew were sick, I'd
26:22
Speaker 1: be like, well, at least let me send you some
26:23
Speaker 1: ginger rell because I ain't coming to your house. But
26:26
Speaker 1: let me send you this good old chicken soup and
26:29
Speaker 1: some turmeric and ginger probiotic. You know them little drinks
26:34
Speaker 1: that you can just shoot them and just swallow them
26:38
Speaker 1: in like two seconds. Yeah, that's me. That's me. I'm
26:42
Speaker 1: gonna send you some groceries in a minute, now, that's me.
26:45
Speaker 1: But as you get older, you really value and cherish
26:48
Speaker 1: relationships more than ever before. I really value and cherish
26:53
Speaker 1: the relationships that I have, and I certainly certain lead
27:00
Speaker 1: value you. I really do. I certainly value the relationships
27:06
Speaker 1: that I have with you guys, and truly truly thankful.
27:11
Speaker 1: So let me know. When it comes to trust, it's
27:15
Speaker 1: not a game. It says to trust is human. When
27:21
Speaker 1: we can't trust, we lose a lot of the human experience.
27:28
Speaker 1: He's a psychologist, so he was saying how you might
27:32
Speaker 1: have heard of mirror neurons. They are another example of
27:36
Speaker 1: how we are wired for trust. In the most basic terms,
27:40
Speaker 1: neurons function as communicators in the body they receive and
27:43
Speaker 1: transmit information and stimuli. I mean he's going really, really,
27:48
Speaker 1: really really into it, he says. The brain of the
27:52
Speaker 1: person we are talking to forms a connection with us
27:55
Speaker 1: and mirrors our feelings and expressions in a deep, natural bond.
27:59
Speaker 1: That call is the two of us to connect even
28:02
Speaker 1: more deeply. Love, growth, faith, physical health, economic success, and more.
28:09
Speaker 1: These all run on trust, and without trust, things stagnate
28:15
Speaker 1: or even die. When we realize that trust is not optional,
28:20
Speaker 1: that all of human life is designed and wired to
28:22
Speaker 1: only work when we trust, we begin to treat trust
28:27
Speaker 1: with the utmost respect. Listen, trust, It sounds like to me,
28:35
Speaker 1: trust is a gift and we just got to know
28:38
Speaker 1: when to give it, when to withhold it. Trust is
28:41
Speaker 1: a gift, how to earn it, and how to fix
28:45
Speaker 1: it when it gets broken. If someone you love has
28:51
Speaker 1: broken their trust with you, but you want to trust
28:53
Speaker 1: them again, or you want them to make sure that
28:58
Speaker 1: they're building that track record of trust, I would say
29:03
Speaker 1: get this book. Trust Doctor Henry Cloud is a trusted voice.
29:08
Speaker 1: And so I want to say this before I go.
29:10
Speaker 1: I want to apologize to you if you feel like
29:13
Speaker 1: no one has apologized to you for the area that
29:16
Speaker 1: you were disappointed in a betrayal of trust. I want
29:20
Speaker 1: to apologize to you, and I want to encourage you
29:23
Speaker 1: to start working on the healing journey on your own.
29:27
Speaker 1: Because some of us are upset about apologies. We will
29:31
Speaker 1: never get all right, So I want you to thrive.
29:36
Speaker 1: I want you to live. I don't want you to
29:39
Speaker 1: just walk around here numb and just existing like a zombie.
29:44
Speaker 1: Matter of fact, listen to JJ Harriston's song. It's called
29:48
Speaker 1: You're Gonna Live because you're gonna live to see it happen.
29:53
Speaker 1: You're gonna live to see you trusting again. You're gonna
29:56
Speaker 1: live to see you loving again. You're gonna see you
29:58
Speaker 1: thriving again, all right, and you're gonna see you picking
30:02
Speaker 1: up that area where you had big dreams and you
30:06
Speaker 1: just set it down because you don't trust. No, that's
30:11
Speaker 1: not gonna be your portion. Because by the end of
30:14
Speaker 1: this year, I pray to get one testimony from this
30:18
Speaker 1: episode that you've decided to live and trust. I truly,
30:25
Speaker 1: truly hope and pray that this episode touched your heart.
30:30
Speaker 1: Maybe is helping you and causing you to think of
30:32
Speaker 1: things in another way as it relates to trust, who
30:35
Speaker 1: to trust, when to trust, should you trust ever again,
30:39
Speaker 1: And that you begin to live life. If you are
30:43
Speaker 1: one of the ones who have just been kind of
30:46
Speaker 1: walking through life, existing and just kind of numb to everything,
30:49
Speaker 1: because that's how you've chosen to protect yourself. Always know
30:53
Speaker 1: that I love you. You are so loved. If you
30:55
Speaker 1: need any resources, please don't hesitate to DM me on Instagram.
31:01
Speaker 1: My instagram is at Michelle Williams. All Right. I love
31:05
Speaker 1: y'all so so much, and thank you for tuning in
31:11
Speaker 1: to another episode of Checking In. Checking In with Michelle
31:47
Speaker 1: Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
31:51
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
31:57
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.