Latest / Jess Ask / Reevaluating Mental Health | with Desiree Danielle | EP57

Transcript

Reevaluating Mental Health | with Desiree Danielle | EP57 · Jess Ask

0:07
Yo, it's your girl Jessica and Smith, and you already know that you've
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entered the safe space for influencers to decompress, have fun and just ask God
0:17
for another Do you already know what it is? And then you know it's
0:20
about to get real. To be sure to show your girl the love and
0:25
like, come in and subscribe God for another day. Hey, hey,
0:32
I know we could be another way to sell it. We got to sell
0:39
it because it's solid, solid, solid, solid, silad you probably do
0:45
say solid like that. He's so fine this somebody cute, somebody for sign.
0:59
I had to something every now and then. I like to put clothes
1:00
on because baby, you look like the going up eating today and we both
1:04
wear dresses. But mind the little mine the same. You gotta have bike
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out, bike out and everything. I was like, okay, yes,
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I had to let myself know that I still I still got it that yeah,
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absolutely, Yeah. You know I've been, you know, really trying
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to tap into this. Uh. I don't want to call like, you
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know, you're like soft girl era not necessarily like soft girls. I recognize
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I've had I have a few different distinct styles and I don't tap into the
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the feminine one that often, like my majority of my style is more like
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androgeness, so you know, like blazers. Before I asked you what you
1:46
just said, let me tell the folks. Oh yeah, yeah, we
1:52
already we just already started talking. Obviously you see that it's just just uh,
1:56
Justica and deserrated day and you have into it the little yep. You
2:00
have entered the safe face for influences to decompress, have fun and just as
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it's your girl, Jessica Smith, and I'm super excited for you to be
2:09
here. I'm super excited for my girl desiree to be on this side of
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the camera, on the couch. So I gotta, I gotta let y'all
2:20
see what I think. This is my I've reached my max on been on
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the side of the camera. Because you remember I said two times that was
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last year, that was last year, that was last year coming into this
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year, that was last year. And then we said seasons. We don't
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even have seasons anymore. I promise you, you want to go back.
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You want to go back. Now you just interrupted me and I praise you.
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Which is your names? Now? Are you ready? Okay? I
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told the people to take a Deep Bertha, Deep Bertha, what's up you
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guys. Welcome in, y'all. I don't know what I'm gonna do with
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this girl because she is. She is hilarious listening that listen, God thought
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about both of us. I'm getting a little comfortable with this microphone, justicu.
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Oh, not a little comfortable, just a little bit, not a
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little comfed, not a little bit. You a little colf, just a
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little bit. You know. The Lord really been trying to help you girl
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out. You know what I'm saying now, you've been just in his own
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because God know his children. He showed you you know what I'm saying.
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He know you know what you need and things of that nature. He just
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really just been in these last few weeks just trying to reaffirm my voice.
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Mm hmmm, because you're using me voicely, you know. I was thinking
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about that. But regarding you though, like just how you said something the
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other day. I think it was a private conversation and you were just like
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me. We help each other out in the areas that we lack in.
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So it's like it's you thought you were just helping me with the podcast,
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and really it and pulled you into a place where I de mandaged your voice
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to be heard something like that. Yeah, I mean, and it's like,
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I'm not trying to take creative of your voice, but I am saying
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that I needed you and you needed me simultaneously. And I think there's something
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special when you find somebody that the need the needs are mutual, because it
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does it's not one sided. It's not one sided when I when I got
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to figure out what you need me for and I feel like I'm pulling you
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too much, I'm not gonna pull on you and vice versus. I'm like
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it might be feeling, it might feel like you used me, But then
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you gotta know when it's time for an assignment and when you go in,
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go into that knowing that it better protects you. And I'm glad we're talking
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about this kind of kind of segue into you know Mental Health series, the
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series you know Mental Help, How like y'all gotta let us know how y'all
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been enjoined this series? Man, because the recordings and the post and pre
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and post records or before and after we recorded, the conversations really got real
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like and I'm hoping my hope, delaray is that people, well we as
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a community are taking this, taking these conversations and extending them over to our
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communities, extending them over to you know, sitting on the couch talking your
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homegirl and having the blanket on, got your sexy dress on. You know
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what I'm saying and saying hey, you know, because how are you?
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It's just not really how are you? It's like where are you? Mentally?
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You know what I'm saying, What are you going through? What are
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you dealing with? What is on your mind? And even when I think
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about that statement this to a whole period, just help me what's on your
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mind? Like literally, if you think about that here, like if you
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look at my hand, no, if you look at my hand like this
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right, yeah, And as I say, what's on your mind? This
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is my mind? What's on it? Right? So literally I'm trying to
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put c peak the like really dissect what is blocking your mind to be free?
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Right? And like when we think about that, that's a weighty thing
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because it's like, of course I can't see my brain. Of course I
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can. Sometimes I don't have language for what I'm thinking about. That's that's
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interesting. I don't have language for what I'm thinking about. I don't have
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language for what I'm feeling at the moment, but I know it's weight there
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for sure. I know it's weight there. And this is this has been
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for me an interesting series because it has allowed me to reevaluate not my only
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myself, but even how I've shown up in my atmospheres with the status of
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my mental health. What about you? You know, I love being on
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the other side. Thank you. Sorry, it's okay, somebody. I'm
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propably saying right now that by next year we'll have somebody doing that and you'll
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be comfortably on the couch, you know, because you know, I get
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to get to come get the talking, you know. You know sometimes you
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only forget to switch when it's supposed to switch on you what it is?
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Yeah, okay, okay, and working on it. But it's been good
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because you know, one of the things I love about being in spaces is
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I get to hear the conversations and I may not say some say a lot
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sometimes because I'm just digesting and you know, just reflecting and kind of like
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you said, like how am I showing up, you know, in the
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different areas in my life? And how how am I showing up for you
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know, the people in my life, and am I showing up to my
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best ability, like to my to my best in my best self, you
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know. And if I'm not, why, Like what you said, what's
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on your mind? Like what's weighing you down? Like this? This?
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Uh? I prayed at church for the first time, and I was nervous
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and stuff like that, but I always go in. I was like,
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okay, hold the spirit was you know, what's up? What you got
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to say? And it was like I kept seeing like people walking around with
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like bricks Like you remember in grade school you have your your backpack and you
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got like multiple books and things and it's heavy, you know. I just
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kept seeing people walking around out it's heavy weight. And and so I was
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like, dang, if I'm honest, like there are some areas in my
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life that has some weight too that I'm having to learn how to release it.
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And a lot of that is taking up a lot of your minimals,
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your menials, my mental space. I think that we we have a hard
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time with the release part of things, yeah, because we don't know ourselves
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without the thing that needs to be released? Does that make sense what I
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just said? And it's like we have coming to identity or agreement to the
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point where we wanted we wanted to stop, but we're more afraid of not
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knowing what to do when it does. Like I'm in this space. I've
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been saying saying this for a minute. I knew God was gonna start like
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transitioning eventually into you know, full time entrepreneurship. And I've always said,
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the current job that I have or the current company that I'm with is,
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you know, it's my last company I'm working for, which is a beautiful
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company, Like I'm gonna stay there as long as long as God allows me.
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Like that's how happy I am with the company, you know what I'm
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saying. So it's not the company, it's just my purpose, Like I
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ain't adding nobody or anything like that. And so I've always said, I
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know this company would be the last company I worked for. And when I
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got transitioned out from the leadership role that I was in and even the text
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bracket or I wanna say text breaking but the zeros that I was in,
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it got real. It was like, Okay, God, I know,
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but I know, but this this is not what I know. And so
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now I'm having to check my emotions because my emotion this is so good.
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My emotions aren't used to this space either. So my when I'm in the
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unknown, I know, normally just revert back to land dormant because I don't
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know. Because I'm so I thrive better when I'm in a space where I'm
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just like, Okay, I know everything, and I'm the fixer and people
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can depend on me because I have knowledge and I have understanding and I'm smart
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in this area. And that's what my that's the little bit of confidence that
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I do have. But then take that away from me. Who are you?
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So? The thing is, I ain't gonna say he don't care,
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but I don't care nothing about that. You don't care, no about your
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titles, You don't care. You know what grade level you entered into,
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how many zeros you got on the end of your bank account, you know
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the letters at the Indian name. And I think the struggle is because this
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is where I am. Like I've been in full time entrepreneurship since twenty fifteen
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and it hasn't been up until And I was good because I could control what
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I could control right which I was getting the bags so I could pay these
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bills. But he hasn't been in the space where he's like, yeah,
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no, but I want you to do all the things, but I want
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your priorities to be first. I should be first. So when we have
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problems releasing, it's because we don't trust who's supposed to be in the head
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of our lives. We're trusting ourselves. That's so good. What you just
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said kind of almost like segues into what I was thinking regarding like mental health
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and spirituality. Like, I know we've said this multiple times in this series,
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but it's so serious. Like when we think about mental health, we
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think about it from the spence. In spirituality, we think about it from
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the standpoint of people saying Jesus versus therapy. All right, so what about
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the people that do believe and Jesus and therapy? But they're still fighting And
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so I think, I guess the most plain way I can make this question
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or statement or conversation flow is is that I remember being at a point of
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I didn't know I was burned out until I was burned out. I didn't
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know that. And it's even it was even at my recent church to where
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I had to tell my pastors. I was like, hey, I didn't
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come to you guys and let y'all know this was going on. Mainly this
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is so good, mainly because there was a status with them that I wanted
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to uphold, right, so I put my mental health on the back burner.
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And this is nothing that they they asked me to do or anything,
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because I can fake it with the with the best of them, Like I
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can make everything look good. I can make look you know, me going
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to church and you know, pushing and you know, I'm a director of
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communications at my church, so it's like I'm not just a pew seat warmer,
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you know what I'm saying. I'm really not going just going to church,
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but I'm a part of the activity of the progression of the church.
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And I had a moment in December to where it wasn't just a church.
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But at that point in time, we were we were relaunching, we were
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rebranding, and that process that my role, my role as the director of
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communications is it was heavy. You know what I'm saying. It was It
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was a lot, and I was like, you know what, but I
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gotta fight it because it's was needed for them. And I just had to
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realize that I was wrong for not being more vocal about I needed. I
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needed some time, Like I know this is going on, but I'm not
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making my I'm in school, I'm working, I am, you know,
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doing this podcast and we're into this thing, and so something's not lining up.
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I gotta work the podcast. I've committed to you know before this transit
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this and that, Like I didn't. I didn't really give myself really realistic
15:05
expectations or boundaries with something because it's it was all new for it was new
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for majority of us. Right, it was new for a majority of us.
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And so for the sense of spirituality and mental health is like you,
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we do have some overachievers like me. They need to learn how to be
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more vocal vocal about where they are because sometimes it's not it's not about spiritually,
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it's like mentally, I'm good spiritually, me and Jesus are good,
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but I'm tired. Yeah, like that that statement just shook me because I've
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never said me and Jesus are good, but I'm just tired. And I
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love Fanny lou Fanny lou Hammer, she said she was a civil rights activist
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from Mississippi. Hus said, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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And when I read that in my history book when I was a child,
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I felt that because I was just like, you know, we don't
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get we don't get to that statement until we get to that statement, and
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it's like, where are the proactive measures do that we use to not be
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there? Yeah, I think why because I'm in this journey like journeying now,
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like relearning, like what work is and what rest is and I and
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when you're multifaceted, I think it's harder when they're when you do so many
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things right. But what I'm learning is being okay with going in and out
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of seasons, like there'll be some like some seasons, like I feel like
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this season right now is kind of a season of It is a season of
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rest, not resting in like I'm not doing anything but resting in, like
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me learning how to rest in God like I didn't. I didn't. I
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don't know what. I didn't know what that is. So a lot of
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my days when I'm here, I may just be sitting like this, I
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be sitting on my hands because I'd be trying to figure out what I'm supposed
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to be doing. But he's just literally trying to say, Hey, in
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this season right now, I need you to rest, rest in me,
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spend time with me. I'm still I still got some things going on.
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But when the season, when the season shifts, you need to be prepared
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for the shifting of the season. You know what I'm saying. I think
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sometimes we continue to run in seasons that the grace has already lifted off of
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it. Not saying that we're not going to be doing those things anymore,
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but right now that's not what we're supposed to be during that season. So
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just recognizing the seasons that God have us in. So like when it comes
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to hair, like right now, I'm still doing two days a day and
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a half in the salon, but I know that season is going to be
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shifting. Like as far as me like servicing clients in that way now,
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I still believe that it's a part of my purpose. I still believe.
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I still believe. I believe that there will always be some type of beauty
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component to whatever it is that I do. It just won't look like this.
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And I'm having to get to the point where I'm okay with it not
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looking like that, but being okay with it looking like how God wants it
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to look at the next season. That's that's so good because something Shunte sent
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me the other day was appreciating or being okay with the pace of God.
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All right, being okay with the pace of God, And basically that means
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time, you know, and I don't know if I've been okay with the
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pace of God because once I figured out, like I'm in a space right
18:53
now, it's like I figured out that I'm good at this thing, or
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everything that you've done find makes sense, like that that part God, everything
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that you have done to this point, it's finally starting to make sense,
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and now I see it. I may not know everything that's attached to it,
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but I gotta go hard here because I didn't understand it before and I
19:18
went hard, but now I understand. I want to go harder. Pump
19:22
your breaks, pumpy breaks, because when we go outside of the pace of
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God or even I can still stay outside because whether I'm going slower or I'm
19:33
going faster, I'm still not in his pace, which literally brings me to
19:38
a mental state of anxiety or depression or both, because it can be because
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your your anxiety is the the the fear of what's to come depression is you
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should have could have have versus like being in the moment, like wherever God
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has whatever race pace that God hasn't seen right here in this moment. That's
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that's the in him, the dwelling in him, the abiding in him in
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the moment right here. Do you feel like do you feel like you since
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you've had this transition? Because how long has it been since you haven't been
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in the buildings the studio? Yeah, since February, so you're probably three
20:26
going on four months right now. How have you learned how to just be
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and be prison? I'm learning, like, and it's still so hard because
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and I was just thinking about this today. I don't want to say it's
20:47
an anxiety, but planning, Like I've never really been the type of person
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to be like, oh, this is my four to five year goal,
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my three year gold, this is what I would to do this time next
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year. Like I had just been in a space where I was just running
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right, you know, I pay these bills. Honestly, I never even
21:03
want to really have a salon. Like doing Hero wasn't even what I was
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thinking about. It was just it was the route least resistant because I had
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been doing it for so long, and I was like, oh, I
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got some clients, let me pay these bills. But even when it comes
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to this lane to be honest, like this media lane, like I know
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what I've seen, but I'm like, why is it hard so hard for
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me right now to put something on paper, to plan for it, think
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about like social media? Like I'm doing the things in the background, but
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it's like, why am I What is the resistance for me right now to
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be able to go out and tell people what I'm doing or to stay consistent
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with these things. So I'm like, Okay, is this me just trying
21:40
to force myself to do these things? Or is God really teaching me in
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this moment, Hey, I just really just need you to sit, just
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to sit. And the other day, you know, I mean this teaching
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class, right, and so I had been trying to call myself trying to
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sit. But what I'm realizing is I'm still trying to control a lot of
21:56
things. But that when I sat down that Friday afternoon and literally just sat
22:02
here with the Bible with some music playing, and I probably was sitting here
22:07
for a minute until I started to get some things. But I don't think
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I allow myself to sit long enough. I'm still I'm still trying to control
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things, you know what I'm saying, And that's really what he's trying to
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break. Listen that, and that's what I feel. I feel like that's
22:26
a continuous breaking, especially with people like us, like people that are fixers,
22:33
people that are I'm gonna make it happen. And I'm realizing that.
22:38
I'm realizing that to be in control is to be out of out of control.
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Yes, I'm gonna say that again. To be in control is to
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be out of control, but to be to allow him to control is to
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be in control. And it's like the moments where I'm like, I've I
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can tell when I've trusted God somewhere in I think it's space because there's there's
23:11
a level of peace that don't when I say peace, you can't explain it.
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Like it's like fols like you know, no, it's not lunch,
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none of London at all. I don't have no feelings, no emotional It
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is what it is. One of my friends say, it is what it
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is, it ain't what it ain't, and it's gonna be what it's gonna
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be. Listen, and that statement could be from a grontel place, but
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certain things in my life it currently are just like you know what, am
23:45
I? Am I gonna fight? Am I gonna fight God by fighting,
23:51
fighting for the situation? Or am I just gonna be still? Because that's
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what happened in the boat. Everybody became disgruntled, right when everybody came discrowned
24:02
led God Jesus looked at them like you just don't know who's with you?
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You just don't know. I'm resting, Why aren't you? It's say we're
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Christ like, Well, why are we not being like Christ? Why aren't
24:11
we resting? Why are we still? Why aren't we raising? Because we
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let outside things dictate what's going on inside the boat? And look who you
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got in the boat? Look who do you look? Who? Look who
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rides? Had dead nails? How you ride? Listen? I'm I'm,
24:32
I'm, I'm I'm learning, And it's probably yes, I am. The
24:36
just cut on, y'all. If y'all see me putting this blank, y'all,
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y'all see me with my arms out, y'all see me with my arms
24:45
out, and the AC just clicked on like it was nobody's business. And
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I don't like being cold period. I don't like being hot either, But
24:56
I really, I really feel like we have an opportunity to as believers,
25:08
to force our sabbatical. What do I mean by that? And might remember
25:15
to say forced the sabbatical, but force the sabbath? Yeah, because God
25:21
did that in order for us to know how to rest. And then even
25:26
in moving when we look at the story of Jesus or the storyline of Jesus,
25:32
he every move was ordained by God. Yea. And he even went
25:36
back to the Father and say, hey, he was confident because he walked
25:41
with the Father every day. And why do I bring up Jesus as an
25:45
example. I bring up Jesus as an example for the simple fact that that
25:49
was his purpose, the purpose for uh, for him even being here,
25:52
was to be about his father's business. And you listen, Oh, this
25:57
is so good. You can't be about your father's business being in mental anguish.
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You can't be about your father's business and not knowing how to rest in
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him. You can't be about your father's business and not knowing or understanding who
26:18
you are. And so one of the things that I just really wanted to
26:23
for us to get across in this in this space and this mental health space
26:33
was that we deserve to be okay. And I don't think I believe that
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for a long time. Oh that that just hit a nerve. That's just
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I deserve, I deserve to be okay. How you're gonna be about your
26:48
father's business? Not even just just that I deserve to be okay, because
26:56
I just deserve to be okay. And I think if I'm transparent, I
27:10
don't think I've ever thought that I deserve to I deserve to rest in God.
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I don't think I've ever thought that I deserved It's a lot of things
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that I do out of and that's an orphan spirit. I don't think I
27:25
deserve it. So I try to prove my words or why I deserve something,
27:30
or I feel like I have to do versus just be in order to
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gain the peace of God, in order to gain the blessings of God,
27:38
in order to gain the love of God. And I really feel like that
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that brings on a level of anxiety or a level of unnecessary strain to something
27:56
that God says, think upon these things. What are these things that you
27:59
want me to think upon? God? What is lovely? What's that scription?
28:03
Let me whatever is, Yeah, I think it's in. We love
28:08
we love going to the scription. We have. Oh, we ain't done
28:11
a good description in a while. And you know, yeah, we like
28:15
when Bishop desil Ray come out. I don't do it. They're gonna these
28:22
things scriptures Philippins four mm hmm. Let me find me a good we love
28:32
tranlation. Yes, we love the Philippines, the Philippines, Philippians. Let's
28:41
see already highlighted. That's something you already got. It started to highlighted.
28:47
Okay, well read it because I ain't got my glasses today. Did you
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find them? No? I didn't, Hello Jesus. So this is Philippians
28:55
four and eight. This is n l T. Let me see, let
28:59
me, let me see. You know the NFT is Ratchet Ranchet. So
29:10
we're gonna read a couple of different version because you know they kind of read
29:11
a little different. I'm gonna start with the Passion, the Passion translation and
29:17
it's foreign or yes, man, what translation you got? I always got
29:21
the Christian Standard version available, so we can I can tell you to you
29:25
with you Let's see, all right. Passion translation says, keep your thoughts
29:29
continually fixed, keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real,
29:37
honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and
29:44
kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him
29:49
always. Christian standard version says Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever's true,
29:56
whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
30:02
whatever is commendable. If there is any moral excellence, and if there
30:07
is anything praiseworthy, dwell on these things. Message, Oh oh, that
30:18
is that is trill fam e and t version of the book. We're gonna
30:23
take it to say, summon it all uprumbing it all up. I'd say
30:29
you'll do best by filling your mind and meditating on things true, noble,
30:34
reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, not the worst,
30:40
the beautiful, not the ugly, things to praise, not things to curse.
30:44
Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw.
30:48
This is eight and nine together. He's just telling them to put into
30:52
practice what he's done and what he's what they've heard. Repeat the first the
30:56
first part of that though, summon it all up, some of the all
31:00
friends, I like, I'd say, you'd do best by filling your mind
31:06
and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, and
31:10
gracious, you would do better by feeling, by feeling your mind. So
31:17
either this is two things. The two questions are what are you filling your
31:25
mind with? Because it's always something, But for the people, that's like
31:30
the used word nothing, No, it's something. Is your mind empty?
31:37
Because sometimes we will dump, like it says will dump. It's almost like
31:41
the thought about deliverance, right when you think about deliverance in church or whatever,
31:45
and what that means, because I don't want to assume that everybody knows
31:48
the terms that we're using, but what that means is like people get delivered
31:55
from Let's say, let's say I experienced domestic violence, right in which that
32:02
is an actual thing. I've experienced domexic violence, and I didn't even know
32:07
I was I had experienced it because it was so embodied. Like it's almost
32:14
like I embodied so much or I just I just went with it. I
32:17
didn't while I was in it, I didn't know that was going on.
32:20
And so when I found it out and I figured it out, it was
32:22
me going through delivering. So God will bring something up in a moment and
32:28
say, okay, now I need to bring it up so it can come
32:30
out. Right. I bring it up so you can not only be aware
32:35
of it, but so it can leave you. And then now there's this
32:37
this space where I haven't where I was holding this bad thing. And now
32:44
that's why healing. Right, We're gonna use healing as not just healing going
32:49
to church stuff like that, but professional healing like going to a seeing a
32:52
therapist, so to see a counselor It benefits us because we don't know what
32:58
to do without that bad thing so good we don't know. So basically,
33:02
the message version is telling us that we need to fill our minds with things
33:08
that are lovely, things that are true, things that are admirable. What
33:13
are the things? What you know about yourself is not true. I don't
33:16
know who this is for, but I believe that what you know about yourself
33:21
is not true. That's the that's the season I'm in right now. I'm
33:23
finding out that I thought I knew me, and God is like, but
33:28
nah, you don't really know you for real, Like I'm here to show
33:30
you. And and and it's been a battle to a frustrating. I'm gonna
33:35
be honest with you, guys, it's been frustrating Desert Ray to go through
33:39
this space because it's like, I'm thirty two years old, like I thought
33:44
I knew me, and right now I feel like a babe. I feel
33:49
like a child, like I'm having to relearn me again. I'm having to
33:53
and I won't even say relearn, having to relearn you are you? Are
33:58
you now learning the the real youth. I'm learning the real me. And
34:02
I'm also frustrated because I don't know what to do with the old mem if
34:10
that makes sense, Like I don't know what to do with the old version
34:15
of me, and I'm like, I'm there's a grief, Like people are
34:20
like, oh, just you should do mm hmm. Because attached to the
34:24
old me are relationships. Attached to the old me are commitments to the old
34:30
me. Attached to the old me are things that I m envisioned for myself.
34:35
And I've written that. I've written it down and made it playing,
34:38
you know what I'm saying. But what I wrote down was that was that
34:42
me? Or was that God? You know what I'm saying. So now
34:44
I'm like, now i gotta break all these commitments that I made vows as
34:50
the old me, And I'm like, what do you doing old things?
34:54
All things are passed away, old things, what do you doing typically with
34:59
old things? I'm a hoarder. That's a whole nother. That's a whole
35:06
other situation. Look the truth, the truth. What it's say, such
35:15
a free it is so bad. Like literally I've been, I've been.
35:23
That may be why it's hard to let go to Oh. It's a reason
35:27
why it's hard to let go to oh. Right, yeah, so and
35:30
sometimes we think it's just hereditary, but I really got to figure out.
35:35
I'm looking for new therapist, y'all. I'm big transparent with y'all. I'm
35:38
looking for new therapists. And I'm excited about that because the therapist I've had
35:47
has seen me through a lot of things or whatever, and I'm ready to
35:52
be I think it's time for our relationship to go somewhere else. But we
35:59
can't do that in a therapeutic relationship. But I'm looking for a new therapist
36:06
because I really want somebody that has no idea of who I am, Like
36:10
I just need somebody that don't know who I am. And so the things
36:14
that I want to be honest about. Geez sus, Okay, you know
36:22
what I just said that. I was like, that's probably why I'll be
36:24
staying in these long relationships, these long term relationships, because I be hoarding
36:30
relationships. It's a thing. It's a thing when you're gonna put the camera
36:37
on you. Was listening to your town. It was listening. Look,
36:45
I'm telling too much of my pieces right now. So I found an description.
36:51
We're talking about the mind, you know, it's talking about feeling,
36:53
feeling your brain. When you asked what you're feeling the things? Yeah,
36:57
what do you feel? So then what came up was why is the camera
37:00
on me? I'm getting on her nerves because she's getting on mine. We're
37:05
getting I love you. I love you too. Okay. So Second Corinthians
37:10
ten and five, this again is gonna be the message version. So I
37:15
had to come in the middle and find because they put three through six together.
37:21
But Second Corinthians ten and five, find it in a regular find find
37:25
it in in your in your your translation, the Christian standard. Sure,
37:31
you said, Corinthians second two Corinthians two Corinthians ten and five, y'all go
37:39
get out there. Lady two and five, ten and five, ten,
37:45
ten and five, it's okay telling about and every proud thing that is raised
37:50
up against the knowledge of God. Oh, why gotta start then at the
37:54
beginning? Is it? You know what? I'm just gonna start at the
37:59
first because now to tewo Corinthius ten right, yes, the tenth jock.
38:07
Okay, Now, I, Paul, myself appealed to you by the meekness
38:12
and gentleness of Christ. I am who or I who am humble among you
38:20
in person, but bold toward you when absent. I beg you that when
38:24
I am present, I will not need to be bold with the confidence by
38:30
which I plan to challenge certain people who think we are living according to the
38:35
flesh my God. For although we live in the flesh, we do not
38:39
wage war against the flesh, since the weapons of our warfare are not fled,
38:45
are not the flesh, but are powerful through God. For the demolition
38:51
of strongholds, We demolish arguments in every proud thing that is raised up against
38:58
the knowledge of God. And we take every thought captive to obey Christ.
39:04
And we are ready to punish any disobedience once your obedience is complete. So
39:10
what came up was capturing the thoughts as you talked about like what are your
39:15
what are what were you feeling your thoughts? What's what kind of thoughts feeling
39:19
your mind? You know? And that's kind of like where I've been is
39:23
trying to acknowledge what is feeling my thoughts and sometimes it's not the good things.
39:29
So I literally lively bit like no, come on back, like come
39:34
on, come on back, bringing bring it back back in trying to take
39:37
those negative thoughts captive, but then replacing them with what the words is,
39:42
yeah, because when you don't replace it, you just you're become the come
39:46
walking to dead or you leave. It's a it's a scripture that talks about
39:51
the enemy. When the enemy flees, he doesn't if he tries to come
39:57
back. He comes back to see if if it's empty, and if it's
40:01
if it's still empty, then he's bringing more of the other things that are
40:07
attached. So you're not gonna just seven times worse. And so the reason
40:13
why it needs to be feeled is because when the enemy sees that now it
40:16
needs to be filled with the right thing. Because if the enemy sees another
40:20
enemy, he goes, oh okay, we can all just be here,
40:22
we can all be in the same house. And you know what I'm saying,
40:27
we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll just build on top of this,
40:29
you know what I'm saying. But when it's filled with God, the enemy
40:32
is intimidated by God. The enemy, the enemy knows his place with God,
40:37
right, he knows he knows his place with us. That's why he
40:42
be really mad is because it's like, so he's really mad because we come
40:49
before, we really become before him. And because he denounced himself, he
40:54
put himself in the place that he's in. You get what I'm saying.
40:58
And so when we when we give the enemy so much power and we give
41:02
we are ignorant to the process of the releasing process. But being feeled like
41:15
because I can't even say we've been refeeled, because we never been feeled before.
41:20
You know what I'm saying, Like, truly feel, not even I'm
41:22
not even talking about the Holy Spirit or anything like that, but but truly
41:25
feel with the love of the Lord. I think I'm in a place where
41:30
I'm just like, is it I need the evidence of the love of the
41:34
Lord. What is the evidence of the love of the Lord? Here?
41:37
Because a lot of times we can get so hyper spiritual about something and it
41:42
wrecks our brains to where we like we're scared to make a move on the
41:45
thing. God, I just need to see your love here. If I
41:47
can see your love here, then I'll have my answer. If I can
41:51
see where you know the pathway here, if I can see you here,
41:53
because you say that you are loved, I need to see love. I
41:58
need to see love. I I can't. I can't deal with this confusion
42:01
because you say you're not the author of it. So why am I reading
42:04
the book? You get what I'm saying. So it's like, I don't
42:08
know, child, but I am. I am. I feel like I'm
42:12
fighting, uh to have balance because some of the things that spiritually that they
42:20
teach us or say that we should or shouldn't be doing or what that that's
42:22
stressful too, That's a that's a mind blow too. It's like I'm operating
42:27
perfectionism because I feel like I have no freedom. Something Kirsten told me something
42:31
today. I apologize now, y'all. Let me tell you something. I
42:36
pop off with the best of them. Okay, mm hmm. Made me
42:39
mad, like made me, made me real mad and uh, and now
42:43
I'm not telling you to come make me mad or whatever, because I got
42:45
a little bit more Jesus than me. So if y'all come off the street
42:49
trying to make me mad, you you might not get there, because I
42:54
know it's gonna probably be a sign of the enemy. But like people that
42:58
really get to me, they know who they are. And so she heard
43:02
me go just pop off one day, she said. First of all,
43:07
she said, well, I'm used to it, and I was like,
43:13
girl, goodbye. But then she says, but you're also human. M
43:20
hm. So in my mind, in my mind, I'm like, my
43:23
little sister can't see me like this, and her mind is like, but
43:28
she's human. It don't change the way I view her. It don't change
43:31
the way I love her. It doesn't change the way that I value her,
43:37
doesn't change the way I see her. Just she just popped off.
43:42
Yeah, And I don't know if I've given myself permission to be human.
43:47
You know. I think I think we think that that God don't know human.
43:53
I think we forget that he made us with flesh. I think we
43:59
forget that's why he sent his Holy Spirit because we are human and we're gonna
44:06
mess up. We're gonna miss up. But the thing how you the righteousness
44:13
and the holiness is your response to it, you know what I'm saying.
44:17
It's like, yeah, I cussed, and I'm just gonna cuss because I
44:22
like to cuss versus you know, man, I don't. I mean,
44:27
it comes out, but my heart, like I know, God not pleased
44:30
with that. So I'm really trying to do better versus I'm grown. I'm
44:34
gonna do what I want to, you know what I'm saying, Like,
44:36
he know human, But it's how, it's how you're responding, Like what
44:39
is your response to the things that are going on? Like we have emotions.
44:44
You gotta feel the emotions because you have that, they're there, But
44:46
it's like then what do you do with it? Like how do you?
44:50
How do you how do you then respond to after you've responded to the emotions.
44:54
That's so good. Your your response dictates where you are. Yeah,
45:00
that's good. Yeah, grief, like there are cycles of grief you gotta
45:06
go through. You gotta allow yourself to go through those cycles. But it's
45:07
like you can't sit in each one of them. You know what I'm saying.
45:14
You can't sit there because that's the mind. That's what the enemy.
45:17
The enemy comes in, that's what he come in first, literally is in
45:21
the mind. If he can you know, plan a seed and you catch
45:24
that seed of you know, let's say you're battling with health thing, right,
45:30
but we know the scripture say they by stripes we are healed. Right.
45:34
Some sometimes healing can be simultaneously a miracle, or sometimes there has to
45:38
be a process for it. But if he, if he, if he
45:40
can make you think that that's not your portion, then that's what you're gonna
45:44
hold onto that that's not your portion when it really is. So we just
45:49
have to I just keep I keep getting on this the mind thing, because
45:52
that's if we can the thoughts that we have running through our minds, if
45:58
we can bring them active and just continue to meditate because you know, the
46:04
it's uh meditation is a big thing now because it's a lot of what you
46:07
had to do, right, but it's it's in the scripture he said,
46:09
meditate on these things. Think on these things. The things that are good,
46:14
the things that are lovely, the things that are beautiful, are things
46:15
that are wholesome. Those are the things that you should be constantly thinking on
46:20
not the negative things, not the the doubt, the fears, the anxieties,
46:23
because that's it's gonna keep you like this. Yeah. So that's literally
46:30
like in that, in that in him. That's literally the main one of
46:32
the main things that I've been really trying to focus on is where are my
46:37
thoughts? Mm hmmm. When you sit and you sit in solitude, like
46:42
if you seeing quiet, like we are your thoughts? That's that goes back
46:49
to even what I'm doing with the focus up shameless plug. You still got
46:53
time to get a part of it. Just get focused is the uh.
47:00
The website to join that community, and what we're doing in that community is
47:05
allowing ourselves to remove distractions and zone in on what we need, not from
47:21
God but with God. I think we always talk about from a place instead
47:25
of being with being in partnership, and a lot of us may have an
47:30
opportunity to do things differently, to do things different because we've been looking for
47:40
somebody to give us the power that is already within us. It says that
47:45
when Jesus left this world, he said he sent the Holy Spirit, and
47:53
not only the man of the Holy Spirit, but the power of the Holy
47:58
Spirit that will stay with us, right, and then he says that there's
48:02
power that has been invested in us. Right, So that means that I
48:07
deposited something in you that is going to need to be ignited by your willingness
48:16
to ignite it. It's gonna need to be ignited by your willingness to ignite
48:23
it. And so it takes, y'all, It takes effort to focus some
48:31
I know, I've been in a place where I'm like, God, I
48:35
ain't got no effort, I ain't got no I'm tired. Like, we'll
48:37
talk, tad, what you're gonna do, what you're gonna do. So
48:45
I'm grateful. I'm grateful for grateful for the series. Will I do it
48:51
again? I don't know, but we've done it. We have done it,
48:57
and we've done it. Will And the reason why I say I don't
48:59
know, y'all, I'm gonna be transparent. Doing this every week and being
49:12
the first point of contact of this information, back to back to back to
49:21
back, right, it does something to you. Especially with the space that
49:25
I'm in, I'm being soci transparent, especially with the transition that I'm experiencing
49:30
now. I'm glad I'm able to document this. I'm glad I'm able to
49:36
go back and you know, look at the dates that God, you know,
49:37
like, oh well this was you know, this was recorded or release
49:40
of this day or whatever, and God did this. I'm looking forward to
49:44
about this time next year. I was saying, hey, I remember that.
49:46
You know, I had a lot of question marks. Now there was
49:50
question marks. Have turned it to exclamation points, you know what I'm saying.
49:53
And this series has been straight because it's made me look at myself a
50:06
lot more. I thought I was already doing that, and now it's like
50:12
mm hmm. And so I can't expect you guys to take your mental health
50:15
seriously and me not do the same. And so I'm appreciative that you guys
50:25
have joined this journey. But I am really ready to get back to the
50:30
to the schedule handing because we got some exciting things coming up. We are
50:36
we are doing some exciting things, uh, DESI, Rae and I will
50:39
be taking a break in July. Episodes will still be uploaded and ready for
50:45
y'all to look at it, but we're not recording in July. So I
50:51
think about I'm excited. I'm very excited just not to do anything. I
50:58
mean, the only thing that I'm doing one shameless plug is going to the
51:04
podcast summing July fourth, July fifth, with none other than the Greatest David
51:10
Shan's and along with his co hosts partnering crime Donny Wiggins, will be there
51:19
and a plethora when I say, a plethora of people and your girl.
51:27
I take a screenshot every time I see it. I just be having to
51:32
like just remind you, like like your obedience, right, It's a reward
51:42
like you was you were sitting literally was you was sitting in the audience last
51:46
year, get like people. I don't think people really understand that. I
51:52
don't think y'all understand I don't think y'all get it that I was in the
51:57
audience last year, barely make it to podcast summit. I went off on
52:05
faith. I really went on faith. And my reward of that faith move
52:16
it. I don't even have words for what I'm still experiencing. Right,
52:25
I made a decision to go to this conference. I looked at Dave and
52:30
I don't even think he probably don't even remember this, but I looked at
52:34
David last year at the summit, and I told him, I said,
52:37
oh, I did myself a disservice. Next time, I'm gonna be in
52:42
the front. I told this man this because the way it was set up,
52:47
and in my mind, I was telling him, hey, I was
52:49
gonna be, you know, all access. I forget the VP. I
52:53
wanted to be all access because all access literally got to taste and see.
53:00
They really get the opportunity to experience and ask questions and have that intimate response.
53:07
But even with me with my general admissions ticket, if I go,
53:10
I literally went from general admissions to being posted as a speaker for this podcast
53:21
of it like I was still going regardless speaker or nose speaker, you know
53:25
that. And I purchased an all access ticket. I was planning on going
53:31
anyway, and then another door opened, right. I had to be bold
53:37
and courageous in that moment when that door opened, right, And the way
53:45
God is dealing with my mind, going back to the mind now regarding accepting
53:54
something so major like this, He's just I have to have a sound mind.
54:02
I have to lean on his understanding. I have to acknowledge him in
54:08
every way so that he can direct my path because I've never been this before
54:12
and I've never seen it before, but I trust God. Just like I
54:15
trust God to get to Miami last year, I trust God for what he's
54:19
going to do in Atlanta. So people like, are you nervous? Are
54:22
you nervous? Yeah, the flesh is very nervous. But that juska,
54:27
that spirit joenska. Oh, I'm finna kid this, I'm finna go so
54:30
shameless plug. If you haven't gotten your ticket, we'll just put the website
54:37
and it's in this uh link and you just go get your ticket and come
54:44
if you get your ticket, because you you you see this, listen,
54:49
I want to tell you. I want to take a picture of you.
54:51
I want to take a picture. I want to take a picture with everybody.
54:52
Did It's gonna be like over fifteen hundred people there and it's about to
54:58
be stupid. So I'm excited. I love you guys. Does already you
55:02
got any final thoughts? Why are you put the camera on yourself? That's
55:13
not how you were looking before she called me out guard? Why you're here?
55:22
You record? That's a way you are here. When I say hey,
55:31
normally I ask you, but I didn't think he was gonna ask me
55:34
that. Do you or do you not have any father, folks, But
55:39
I'll just say, you know, at the end of the day, the
55:45
series was just to bring awareness to the mental health space, you know,
55:51
to give some information, to help people get a little bit a bit more
55:53
informed on resources that are out there, and to just let you know that
56:00
it's okay to not be okay, but also to know that it's also okay
56:04
to get help if you need it, you know what I'm saying. And
56:07
so today, you know, really just guarding your thoughts, I think is
56:10
so important because that's where a lot of the mental that's literally where the mental
56:16
space is taken up is by our thoughts. So we just have to make
56:20
sure that we're filling it with the good things and not the bad things.
56:24
With their lives through all lies, don't listen to their lies. Okay,
56:29
that's not no, You're fine. Holy spirits reminding me to tell people,
56:36
I want to end this mental health opportunity. I know it's a lot of
56:40
people that may be financially struggling right now, and I don't want to take
56:45
that for granted. I'm actually one of the ones that's taking about to take
56:49
advantage of this opportunity. You may not have good insurance or assurance that will
56:54
you know, you're still paying for a lot of stuff. I learned about
56:59
this this psychotherapy collective called Openpath. Michelle Obama actually shouted them out in her
57:06
last book. And so it's Openpathcollective dot org. And you have to pay
57:13
a sixty five dollars All you have to do is pay a sixty five dollars
57:15
membership fee and that sets you for life, right, and then the sessions
57:22
are only between forty to seventy dollars per session, and if you get a
57:25
student intern, it's only thirty dollars per session. So everybody in your I
57:31
don't know if you can see this on my phone on YouTube, it's brewery,
57:37
but if you go to Openpathcollective dot org, you will see this opportunity.
57:44
And yeah, and also in our last episode, if you didn't take
57:47
advantage of Jasmine ordeal, she's offering three three client client sections, unlimited unlimited
57:58
client sations. So you can't be free, but you gotta do the work,
58:01
and so we're excited. I love you, Desiree, I love you
58:05
Jessica. I love y'all. Until next time. Remember life could be much
58:10
more simple if you just asked, thank you for tuning in to this week's
58:22
episode. Since you've made it this far, you might as well connect with
58:24
us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S. Smith. I know
58:30
I won't see you back until next week, but until then, remember to
58:36
love always yourself and always thank thank God for one another day. Hey,
58:44
Hey, I know we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God
58:51
for another day. Hey hey, I'm just thankful another day. Hey Hey,
59:00
another day? Oh, another day wise, another day to get it
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right, another day to rise up, another day living, another day we
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loved ones. I always remember, hold it down for a ball, one ye