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Transcript

"I Don't Need a Therapist" with Elliot Connie · We Talk Back

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: talk back.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: you dreamers and chasers. It calls AJ Holiday 2.0 if
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: you're nasty. What's up, Tam?
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I be feeling like you say like niggas and bitches
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: when you're peered on and then when you off, when
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: you ovulating this dreamers and chasers.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Who the hell starts the show? I'll talk about my period.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Me.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: You're wicked. Absolutely not. It just depends on how crunk
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling and shit. If I'm feeling like a real nigga,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I might say to you niggas and these hoes, if
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling kind of manifest-y.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Not a manifest-y.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Manifest-y. It's dreamers and chases, right?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: So you manifest-y today.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I'm manifesting today, bitch. I'm sprinkling.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Well, what about the weekend? What'd you do over the weekend?
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Hold up. You can't see this bust down middle part, bitch.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I can see it going straight.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: Ooh, don't play with her.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Y'all, I've never worn a bust down middle part with
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: straight hair ever in life. And it looks good.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: I like it.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: It's a look.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: It's a look, friend. It's giving.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: It's giving. I went to my best friend Priscilla. Okay,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Priscilla is a hairstylist. She works on film. The motherfuckers
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: is on strike right now along with the writers though.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: But she turned 40 this past week, girl. So we
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: had a nice little celebration and she was so beautiful.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: She did look pretty.
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: Bitch.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she had wardrobe changes and all type of shit
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: going on, child. I saw that.
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: She looked real nice.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: We had a good time. I ruined my weekend, though.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: So we hung out all Saturday. And then I don't
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: know what possessed. We went to breakfast at Barney's, me
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: and my other friend. And then I went home and
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: took an edible off her kitchen counter. And that shit
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: put me down from six to fucking six.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: You was in a bed?
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Yes. Dang. Couldn't move. Now, I can't say that I
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: don't want to do it again.
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I just can't have shit to do because that was
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: a nice little comatose feeling what I did all weekend
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: this is another I ain't do shit weekend I'm like
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: not drinking and I'm not smoking right now and I'm
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: not having sex and I'm just not so I've been
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: in the house like not nothing reading and going to
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: bed at 930 so that's been my weekend I don't
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: have nothing.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: And working out. I've been working out. Like, last week,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I cycled 40 miles.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: That's the most I ever did in a week.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: You got a bicycle. Why you don't ride your bike any?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Because the weather is just so weird. Like, one minute
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: it's hot, the next minute it's raining. I don't know.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Pack some water, bitch. Pack some water and get outside.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: But that's not all good. It sounds like you're doing
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: some detoxing.
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Unintentional detoxing.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it wasn't intentional. It was just happening this way. Well,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I did remove the penis from my life on purpose.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: I don't want no male energy right now.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Gorilla Glow was on Angie Martinez' show and she was saying, like,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: right before... Gorilla Glow. Isn't that her name?
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, Glorella.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Girl, I don't know them churn names.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Gorilla Glow.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Gorilla Glow. Look.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Look.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: No, but Glorella said right before her little Fuck Nigga
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Free song came out, her and her homegirl like me,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: like a pack, like, man, we ain't fucking with nobody.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: for 60 days and she said she's like meditating and
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: fasting and all type of shit.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: And then look how she blew up.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Voila when you get these fuckboys out your life man
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: cause men can definitely I guess they feel the same
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: way about women could be a distraction a bad relationship.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stay away from everybody until Drake get
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: here next month.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: So there's that you heard it here first Huh?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: You already set it up.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I set that up. That's emotion. That's emotion, baby.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Watch, I'm going to come to your fucking house. You
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: got a Drake name and a jar somewhere in that bitch.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: Is that something to do? Is that something I can do?
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Because I will put it in there.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Drake going to come to Charlotte like, why do I
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: keep thinking about this person named Tamela? Like, what is happening?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I just got to find her. He ain't going to
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: know why. Drake going to be like, hit his Instagram story. Tamela, Tamela,
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: if you're out there and you hear me. I'm here, baby.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: I got this meanwhile.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Meanwhile, I got his name in a jar with a
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: chicken head or some shit.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: We stirring that shit up.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Y'all, that's jokes. I would never do anything like that
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: because I don't know how to do it. Because I
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: don't know how. If I knew how to do it.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Intention is everything.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just be.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Intention is everything.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Manifesting with my thoughts, not no chicken head. Let's get
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: into stupid internet news.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: What we got going on, child?
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, Bob Barker died from The Price is Right. That's
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: like a piece of my childhood dying. When my grandma
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: used to babysit me, we watched Price is Right, Young
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: and the Restless, General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, and M.A.S.H.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: That sound like my Aunt Bertha girl in the back
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: of the restaurant. We got a soul food restaurant here
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: in Charleston. That's all she used to watch. Got that
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: same little line up. Yes. What happened to the daytime shows?
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: They still come on.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Do they?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You just out living. That's what grandma.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: When's the last time you seen a daytime show? And
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: who are the characters now?
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Victor Newman's still getting it. What?
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I don't believe you. I got to look that up.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Victor Newman still is young and restless. They need to
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: call that old and rested.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Old and rested.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Y'all should have rested by this point.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I gotta look that up and see if it's actually.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: On the TV guide.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I don't believe you. Yeah, they still come on. Who's
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: watching that? How do they have the ratings?
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: There's still people getting older and watching that shit.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: I don't watch it.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: RIP Bob Barker. I always wanted to go on price
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: is right me too like I in my mind I
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: know how to play all them fucking games and I
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: would win like the people playing it yes I love
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Plinko the people playing always be fucking up yeah and
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: don't as far as I'm concerned like you can't guess
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: they be like how much is this uh fucking vacuum
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: cleaner is it more than eighty dollars or less than
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: eighty dollars And this vacuum cleaner got a Bluetooth screen
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: on it.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: It got a hose. It got all kind of shit.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: It's more than $ 80, clearly.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Why are you talking about less than? I used to
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: be so mad at them people. Even as a little kid.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: And Plinko, I used to love that game, too. But
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: rest in peace to Bob Barker. He was 99 years old.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: He had a long, good life. So that's a blessing.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: He stayed right up under a dollar.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: RIP. He used to say, come on down. Now he
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: went on up in the name of Jesus. Amen.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: All right. So speaking of Bob Barker, y'all, let's go
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: ahead and throw this in there. Michael Jackson's birthday was
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: on Tuesday.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, happy birthday to the greatest to ever do it
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: in life. There'll never be another artist in our lifetime
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that comes close to the celebrity he had. That man
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: could stand on stage silent. Not open his mouth, not
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: do one dance, not kick his foot one time. And
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: the whole, all them white girls and people be screaming,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: passing out, fainting.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: It's his energy, man. His energy was too much for
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: this realm. Michael said, man, I'm getting the fuck up
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: out of here.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: I don't think he meant to. I don't think he
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: meant to go, though.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Some say he not dead. I don't know.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of ghosts around here, though.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: All right, Pete Michael, we love you. We love you, MJ.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Show my titties.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: All right, so a Canadian KFC marketing campaign is receiving
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: backlash on social media after many users find the imaging
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: to be culturally insensitive. Okay, so images from the campaign
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: are starting to go viral after they were posted to X.com.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: twitter by xf well you know twitter is now x
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: so it's posted to x by kfc canada's director of
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: marketing once the images began to receive criticism for their
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: lack of diversity the director of marketing apologized and shared
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: a 60 second commercial that says uh is more representative
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: representative of canada's diversity and their creativity So it's just
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: some black people eating chicken and shit.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Black people love chicken. I love chicken. If I was
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: in that commercial, I would look just the same way
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: eating that chicken. What is the problem?
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, I don't like chicken. You know I don't eat chicken.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: And I don't remember KFC tasting good for many years.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: before I stopped eating chicken. Is that really the healthiest
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: thing for niggas to be eating? Absolutely not. Stop marketing
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: that shit to our people. Any type of which way
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: is what I would like.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I love chicken. The KFC in Jamaica is
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: so bomb. Every time I go to Jamaica, I'm going
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: to have that KFC and get.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Them little wings. I had wings yesterday. I happen to
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: enjoy fried chicken.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: And if I was in a campaign for chicken, that's
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: how I would eat the motherfucking chicken.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: It pisses me off.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Like the Juneteenth celebration and they had like chicken and
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: strawberry soda and strawberry cake and watermelon and all these things.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: And people were mad about it. Black people like, oh,
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: this is culturally insensitive.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: It's what we enjoy.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Now we ain't going to have no watermelon and fried
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: chicken for Juneteenth because y'all mad.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: What y'all want to eat? What y'all want to eat
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: for Juneteenth?
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: These companies like, what more do you want from me?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: People just be mad about finding anything to be mad about. Meanwhile,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: student loans still crazy. That's what we need to be
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: talking about. Not no fucking fried chicken in the campaign.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: And I didn't do my full due diligence with this story, right?
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So is it white people that were feeling some type
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: of way because it's black people in utensils?
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: No, because if you look at the full 60 second video,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: it's all kinds of races in the video, right? But
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: just in those billboards, there's black people and their reflection
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: in the silverware. And they look to be like munching
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: on some chicken and having enjoyed it. And I guess
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: it's black people that are upset about it. I just
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: feel like y'all need to find something else to be
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: mad about.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't lend my energy to no bullshit nowadays.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: We got a bigger fridge to fry. We got way
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: bigger shit to worry about. Y'all see COVID coming back
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: down the pipeline. It's your house in order.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Are you prepared? Chicken to fry, no pun intended.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Are you going to be duped this go around? Are
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: we going to stand together and not be complicit With
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: the government.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: I know one thing.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I'm about to get my OnlyFans backdrop all together for
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: when it happens because I'm not going to miss that
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: money this time.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: I promise you that.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be on there like NPC. Oh, yeah.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Great. Yes, yes, yes. Good.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, yes.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. Grr.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Grr. No, speaking of her.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yum. Tastes so good. I saw her.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: She's chocolate. She's brown skin. How she get herself that
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: light skin on there? What kind of filter is that?
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: This is the way everybody else light skin, put the
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: heavy makeup on top, the filters on top of it.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: She's a pretty girl, too.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's pretty brown. That's crazy.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's the lighting. It could have been the lighting.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because she look light skin right now.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's because the light is coming through my window.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: So I really have to dark it, black it out
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: in here for it not to look like this. But yeah,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: so maybe she has a lot of lighting in her apartment. Bitch,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I don't just look light-skinned. I look like... This is
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: my whole soul you're seeing right now.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, really? Is that what it is?
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: It's no light shining in on you?
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: No, it's my soul.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, y'all, AJ's soul showed up to work today.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: So y'all, we have, thank you.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: We have Elliot Connie on today and he's definitely going
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: to give us a mini therapy session and possibly you too.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: So tune in. We'll be right back with him in
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: just a second.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Yep. All right, y'all, listen. So today's guest, you know,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: is pretty fitting for We Talk Back. He has lectured
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: all throughout the U.S. and internationally. He's a psychotherapist who
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: specializes in solution-focused brief therapy. He's the founder of Solution
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Focus Universe and maintains a private practice. He's written and
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: published four books. Okay, he's a big deal. Also featured
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: in a breakfast club recently. And he's a fellow podcaster.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Y'all welcome Mr. Elliot Connie to We Talk Back.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: And yay, thank you for coming.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Free therapy, yes. It's a plus. How you doing, man?
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: I'm doing great. I don't love the word free, but
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: I'm doing great.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: If it's free, it's for me.
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: Just kidding. Just happy to be here. I'll do whatever
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: y'all want.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Ooh, don't threaten me with a good time, okay?
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: Best hour of your life coming right up.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Y'all, so listen, I think that millennials are probably the
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: first generation of people who try and tie their adulthood
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: back to childhood, right? So I wanted to talk with
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Elliot a little bit today, you know, about what he
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: does as a psychotherapist. What exactly is psychotherapy? And I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: want to talk about childhood because I'm going through it
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: right now, okay? With family.
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: All right, cool. Absolutely.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: I'm going through it with these niggas.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about family, then we're going
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: to talk about these niggas.
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: What do you want to start? Ask me anything you want.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: What is psychotherapy?
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: Psychotherapy is just, it's counseling, right? Psychotherapy is addressing your
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: mental health concerns or issues through counseling. Even better stated,
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: the way I would like to think about it is
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: psychotherapy is healing. It's about healing.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: So the type of therapy that you offer, this... solution-focused
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: brief therapy, right? What's the difference between that and cognitive
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: behavioral therapy? And then what's the difference between those two
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: and just counseling or a life coach, basically?
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: Right. So, well, a life coach is not usually a
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: licensed professional. Right, understood. So the difference between solution-focused brief
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: therapy and someone doing cognitive behavioral therapy is usually, in
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: my position, it's a licensed professional and a life coach
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: wouldn't be. The difference between solution-focused brief therapy and cognitive
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: behavioral therapy, however, is like night and day. Like the
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: way that I do therapy, well, let me go all
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: the way back. I had a really, really difficult childhood.
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: My father was super abusive. I grew up anxious, depressed, suicidal,
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: no confidence, all of it. And by the time I'd
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: gotten to college and was kind of growing, maturing, and
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: doing my own work to heal, I decided I want
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: to become a psychotherapist to help people that were struggling.
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: And I went to graduate school. And I had a
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: school that was teaching me about cognitive behavioral therapy. At
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: the time, it was one of the most popular ways
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: to do therapy. And I just thought it would have
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: made me miserable to do that. It would have made
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: me miserable as a human being. But to do cognitive
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: behavioral therapy, you have to talk to you about what's
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: wrong with you to help fix it. But I didn't
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: want to talk to anybody about what's wrong with me
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: Not in that way. I wanted to talk to people
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: about hopes and dreams, warmth, love, care, proper, true, genuine healing.
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: And right when I decided to quit graduate school, I
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: learned about this thing called solution-focused grief therapy, which is
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: about all of those things. It's accomplishing healing through a
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: focus on what's right with you versus what's wrong with you.
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: And for me, as someone with a super trauma background,
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: I was like, this, I want. I want this.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you about to cry, Tam? Hold on.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just listening because I'm thinking about the therapist
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I had. I mean, this bitch had me like, all right,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I want you to write a letter to your parents.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: in your childhood and something that happened. And then I
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: wrote this letter and I was, she was like, okay,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: let's read the letter out loud.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: And I was like, crying hard, snotting. And she was like, okay,
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: that's her time. I'll see you next time.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: And it's like, girl, you had me unpack all this
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: shit for nothing.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: Like you did nothing with it. We read, I read
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: my letter out loud.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: And then, I was supposed to do an event that
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: night and I had to cancel because I had pulled
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: all this shit out of me and sat it on.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: The couch with me and then just left it there.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: It pissed me off so bad.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, I can't believe I paid this bitch
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to unpack all this shit and leave.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: It on my couch.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: She's talking about, well, that's our time. No, the fuck
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: it ain't, bitch.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You better drive.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: To me, like that... People, we have this weird thought
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: that like... I should be able to ask you anything
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: and you should be able to talk about it. So
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: therapy is about making you, and that ain't true. There's
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: a lot of shit I don't want to relive. And
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: that doesn't mean I haven't healed from it. It just
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: means I don't want to relive that shit. And therapy
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: shouldn't be about, tell me about your deepest, darkest wounds.
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: Therapy should be about, tell me about your greatness. And
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: how do we make a life that leans so far
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: into your greatness that That your difficulties become part of
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: your greatness story. That, to me, got me super hype
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: about mental health. That, for me, that became my drug.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: I was all in right then and there. I was
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: all in.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: That sounds good. That sounds way better than the shit
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: I was doing. Way better.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: I agree. That's why I do what I do. That's
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: why I write my books. That's why I travel the world.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: That's why I go on The Breakfast Club. That's why
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: I do all these things.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was watching it. I watched that interview before
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: and you said something on there and I was like, yo,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: you said when your pain is your purpose.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: Facts.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't hurt you anymore.
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: That's true.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I felt that.
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: That's true. When your pain becomes your purpose, it cannot
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: cause you injury.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I feel like us doing this podcast, right? And we
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: lay a lot of our personal lives and business out.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: So do a lot of other shows, right? This has
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: now become... become our purpose because I feel like I'm
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: one of those people who really don't need therapy. I
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: can talk to anybody about my shit and I'm going
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: to tell you everything, right? No problem. I can tell anybody,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: a stranger on the street. I just need to be
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: able to vocalize what it is that I'm going through.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: And I might have to say it 10 times. until
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: I actually get the healing and I'm over it. And
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: just because I'm still talking about it, right, doesn't mean
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not healed from it.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: Correct.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: See, I'm different.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I can talk about it till I'm blue in the face,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: but if I don't have any tools to correct anything,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: it doesn't change anything for me. You know, like I
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: can express like what I'm going through with a friend
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: and this friend and that friend and still feel it
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: when I hang up with everybody else if I don't
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: have any direction on how to fix whatever it is.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: But that's why knowing your purpose is so important, right?
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: Like when you know your purpose, you can endure any hardship.
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: One of my personal heroes, as an example, one of
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: my personal heroes, and I'm a reader. I don't know
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: if you guys are like readers.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, we're super readers.
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: Reading the book Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: changed my life. And the reason it changed my life
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: is I read it at a time where I was
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: like searching for what I'm going to do with my life.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: And Mandela endured more hardship than maybe anyone I know
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: of and accomplished more triumph through that hardship. And the
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: entire reason was because he knew his purpose the whole time.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: So I think what happens is too often we focus
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: on the hardship. But Madiba had a way, Madiba being
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: his chief name, he had a way of understanding, like,
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: you can throw me in any prison cell you want.
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: My job is to endure this so that I can
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: set my people free.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: So when I recognize like my father was not a
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: very kind man to me and he would punish harshly,
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: beat me harshly, call me horrible names, which, by the way,
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: had way more of a negative impact than the beatings did.
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: But what if my job is to now go talk
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: to black people about mental health? Now, all of a sudden,
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: I'm like proud of what I endured. Because now I
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: carry this message that I can go to the breakfast
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: club and talk about how important this is. I can
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: write the books I write. I can travel to South
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: Africa and talk to people like mental health is important.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: And here's why. If I had a normal traditional childhood,
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't be able to carry this message. Once you
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: realize that, it doesn't cause you pain anymore. Like I'm
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: proud of it, actually.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Were you able to repair the relationship with your father?
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: That's a tricky question. I'll say yes and no. The
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: reason I'll say I was the yes part is I
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: was able to tell him when I was 19 years old,
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: I was on the brink of like suicide. And I
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: was like, look, bro, I'm about to check out of here.
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: And I realized I got to live a life where
• 22:53
  Speaker 5: no one is yelling at me, hitting me, calling me
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: names and cursing at me. I was like, bro, I
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: can handle anything. Not on this list. These are the
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: four things I can't tolerate, but I'll, I'll deal with
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: anything else. And my father said, fuck you, and he
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: hung up the phone on me. And I haven't talked
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: to him since. So have we been able to repair
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: the relationship? In my opinion, yes, because I currently have
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person because he has
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: not been able to contact me in 20 years. I
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: was 19 when I said that. I'm 46 now, so
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: 25 years, over 25 years. But he has not been
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: able to resolve that. And and I'm OK with that. Right.
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: Because most people, if your son said, like, I won't
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: talk to you until you climb the Empire State Building,
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: like being away from your child would be so difficult.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: You won't figure out a way to climb the Empire
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: State Building. My father to this day can't follow those
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: four rules. So I don't know what to do about that.
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: I know I'm healed and I know my dynamic with
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: my father and my memory of who he was is
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: healthy because I'm no longer being yelled at, hit, cursed
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: at or called names.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the experience for a lot of
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: black kids. Even right now, I see people cussing their
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: kids out in public. And I feel like you've lost
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: control as a parent if you have to dish that
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: type of anger towards a little person who has half
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: the life experiences of an adult. But kids get put
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: on this pedestal and they're supposed to, you got to
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: say things a million times to kids. They don't remember
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: or they don't give a fuck. So you have to just,
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: you have to have a lot of patience. And I think,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: do you have kids, Elliot?
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: I have a daughter.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: So you have a daughter. So Tam and I don't
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: have kids. And I think if you live long enough
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: without kids, you see different things. You see that kids
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: are the blessing. So why would you disrespect something that
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I feel like chose you to come here? You're just
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: a portal by which the child or the spirit chose
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: to get to this realm. You owe it to take
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: care of them.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes, like even with your father, that's probably how his
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: father treated him. That's probably how he was parented, you know?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Or lack of parenting. So you thought that's how
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: parenting was supposed to be.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Like my father, and I often don't share this
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: story because I feel like it's his part of the
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: story to tell. But there is something that happened in
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: my father's past that created a trauma. And I forgive him.
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: Like I genuinely forgive him. I still don't want to
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: be yelled at, cursed at, hit, or called names.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: But I legitimately forgive him. And if he called me
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: right now and said, man, can we talk? I'd be like,
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: hell yeah, we can talk. I don't have any negative feelings, resentment, anger,
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: none of that. But I think what you said is 100% true.
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: Like we hold kids to this standard that they're not
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: ready to live up to yet.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: And that adults don't love it. Like adults just get
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: to say, I'm grown. But you're doing this childish shit.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: You really need your ass whooped. Not the kid. I'd
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: rather beat adults. Like adults need their ass whooped way
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: more than kids.
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: I think that's true. And how can we beat down
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: some kid? And like the number one contributor to good
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: decision making is self-esteem. So if I tell, if I'm
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: beating down some kid verbally and physically, and then they're
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: 13 years old, freshmen in high school, and someone comes
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: up to them and says like, hey, let's skip school,
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: use drugs, go drinking. How are they supposed to make
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: that decision?
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: If we have not instilled in them good, positive self-esteem.
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: And thinking about women, like how am I expecting a
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: young woman to hold a male suitor accountable to how
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: they're going to treat them If they haven't been taught,
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: they are a queen. Like you need to hold yourself
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: to this standard. So only allow kings in your life.
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: We can't do that if we're talking down to them
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: while they're youthful. Like it's insane.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like in the black community, we focus
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: more on teaching little girls how to be well, however
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: they're supposed to be. Don't be fast. Don't do this.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Don't do that. But we don't teach the boys that
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: little girls are special. You're not supposed to run through them.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to handle them with care.
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: I think that's true. I think we have to treat,
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: we have to teach both. I think we have to
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: teach young men the value of themselves and young women,
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: young girls. And I think we have to teach young
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: girls the value of themselves and young men. Like I'm now,
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: I will watch, I mean, I can't help it. I'm
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: a psychotherapist and I will watch it on TV. I'll
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: watch it on social media. And I'm like, how are
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: you letting your partner say this shit to you?
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: You need to leave this person immediately. Like red flags everywhere.
• 27:43
  Speaker 6: Like you need to go today. And part of it
• 27:47
  Speaker 6: is because we haven't we haven't taught them like you
• 27:49
  Speaker 6: should hold people accountable in your life. So they'll treat
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: you a certain way. And if they can't live up
• 27:55
  Speaker 6: to that standard, they.
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: Got to go.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: But it's not also in just what we tell our kids,
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: because we can sit there and tell our kids, like,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: you need to have a man treat you nice and
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: be kind to you. And then you get in a
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: car with her and then you play my booty hole
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: brown and all this music. Like you're playing this music
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: around your child, but you're telling them one thing and
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: then showing them something different.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Or you with a man who doesn't treat you right
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: in front of your child.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: Right. You have to also walk it.
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: But that's what I mean. That's the standard. That's the
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: absolute standard. If I were in a relationship with either
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: two of you and we had a daughter, I would
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: tell my daughter, you are a queen. I would tell
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: my daughter, you are deserving of being treated well. And
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: my daughter would watch me open doors. My daughter would
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: watch me serving you breakfast. My daughter would watch me
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: carrying my load. My daughter would watch me treating you well.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: Because then what happens is when some boy asks her
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: on a date, And doesn't open the door for her
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: or whatever. Not that that has to be the thing,
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: but like whatever it is, she's going to be like,
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: why are you? I watched my dad do that to
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: my mom and my dad instilled in me that I
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: deserve that. So the fact that I heard you call
• 29:03
  Speaker 5: me a bitch to your friends or I saw that
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: text message where you said you wanted to run through me.
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: I saw you not open the door for me. You
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: made me pay for dinner last night. Like, I'm just
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: not going to tolerate it because it's been instilled in
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: me that I deserve more than that.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I would just stand at a door. I would stand
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: at a car door. If I'm on a date and
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: a guy just goes and gets in his car, I
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: just stand there at the door like, what's happening here?
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: You got to teach people.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm sorry. What is happening here? How am I
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: going to get in?
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: Absolutely correct.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Would you, would you ever, have you ever told like
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: a couple in therapy, like y'all.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: Just need to call this quiz. Yeah. need to stop
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: leave each other fuck alone ma'am leave right now no I.
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: Have not ever because my job is to if they
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: want to be together my job is to help them
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: do that in a healthy way so rather than say
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: like leave right now I would say things like what
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: kind of relationship do you want to be in And
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: then how do you conduct yourself in a way that
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: causes him to rise to that occasion and vice versa?
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: So, okay, I saw that.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Gunplay pulled a gun on his baby mama while she
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: was holding the baby.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: What would you tell them?
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: You wouldn't tell her to leave? If they came to
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: couples therapy, that's different than if she came to therapy.
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: If she came to therapy, I would say, yeah, you've
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: got to go. This is an unsafe environment. And it
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: makes me think of that old Maya Angelou quote, when
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: somebody tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: How many times does somebody have to pull a gun
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: on you before you recognize this is not healthy and
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: or safe?
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Or if you want to pull a gun.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: First of all, if somebody tells me their name is Gunplay,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I'm probably going to be kind.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Of weary of getting played with by a gun.
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: Just me.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Just me personally. For me.
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: The crazy pop culture we live in, like you never know.
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: You know, you never know what people are going to
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: call themselves. But but my point would be and I
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: also think healing is accomplishable and you can be called
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: gunplay and you can make mistakes. But some of these
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: things are really super concerning. I saw that story this morning, actually,
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: and I was like.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: So they came to you as a couple. You wouldn't
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: just be like, girl, you need to leave. in front
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: of him if you need some help baby I can
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: take you up out of here right after this shit that.
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: Was terrible no no he talking.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: Shit behind that man's back like girl you need to
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: leave as soon as he go to.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: The restroom baby I'ma pull the car around back and
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: you just hop in and I'ma take you somewhere safe.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I know a man I know a guy.
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: Man y'all terrible no no If they come to me
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: and they're like, hey, we want to have a healthy relationship,
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: it's my job to help them accomplish it. And if
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: they decide on their own that it's not accomplishable, then
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: that's a different story.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I told that story just recently. The last couples
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: therapy session that I went to with my ex in
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: my last relationship, I came to that conclusion. I can't
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: do this anymore. Nobody had to tell me. Me just
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: talking about this relationship, it takes approximately four and a
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: half hours to tell you four years of bullshit, right?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I came to that conclusion on my own, just having
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: talked through it that one last time. I'm like, I'm
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: not doing this no more. Just me saying this shit
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: out of my mouth. I feel stupid. I feel stupid
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: for all the shit I've endured.
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: And we have, we have lots of friends throughout. I
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: have friends throughout my life and they will call me.
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: Hey man, do you think, what do you think of
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: my relationship? I'm like, man, this is not healthy. This
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: is not good. I have. And now like I'm doing
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: the work that I do and working on a TV
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: project and all these things, like I hang out with
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: a lot of celebrities and they will call me and
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: I'll be like, no, you are not in a healthy relationship.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: But you know what they do? They call me a
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: week later, still in the relationship with the same person, woman,
• 33:00
  Speaker 5: man or female, doesn't matter.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Keep your dumb bitch shit to yourself until you're ready
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: to go.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: But ain't that what a therapist is for, to help you?
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Because I don't feel like- It's free. It's free.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: At this point, he giving him free therapy on the phone,
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: calling randomly.
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to be their friend. But people don't, therapy
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: is not about advice. It's about healing. And you, I
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: can tell you right now, like you are in an
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: unhealthy relationship. You need to kick the woman or the
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: man out of your life. But they're not going to
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: listen to me just like they wouldn't listen to anybody else,
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: therapists or not. If they came into my office and
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: we did the healing work, then they get to heal.
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: And healed people make really, really good decisions. And people
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: that are still wounded don't.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: So let me tell you that hit a chord because
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: let me tell you one of my triggers. I hate
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: when a motherfucker tell me they're going to do something
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and then don't do it and don't also communicate why
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: they aren't doing it or why it's not getting done.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: That shit will get you X'd out real fast with
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: me because I just feel like I've been let down
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: by men in my life so much. that even the
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: smallest infraction, it just, I snap. I instantly snap on
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: a nigga real quick. Like, what the fuck you mean
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: you ain't gonna be here at 8.30?
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: You know? So how can I.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Not be so triggered by people being unaccountable in that way?
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: They're not being unaccountable. Like, First of all, you have
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: to heal from the wounds of men letting you down.
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: That's the first thing I would say.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: How do you do that, though? That's the thing.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Because they probably go back to daddies.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it goes all the way back to my father.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: I would say that.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: But that's how you do it. Number one, you have
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: to forgive your father. Let me tell you a story.
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: My father was a complete... He just wasn't great.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: He tried.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: But it just wasn't in him. He was really aggressive, abusive, mean, nasty, humiliating, embarrassing,
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: all those things. And then one day I came home
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: from school. College, I meant. But I came home to
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: my mother's house. And for whatever reason, man, this day
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: my mother said, I need to tell you something about
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: your father. It ain't going to be easy for you
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: to hear. And she told me something that happened in
• 35:31
  Speaker 5: his life when he was 18 years old. And all
• 35:34
  Speaker 5: of a sudden I had forgiveness for him. Because I
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: could give him grace. And you have to remember something.
• 35:43
  Speaker 5: We come from a legacy of slavery in this country. Whooping.
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: And I think we don't often think about the legacy
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: that is slavery. And you weren't allowed to sit and talk.
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: My mother... She needed me to learn how to shut
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: my mouth because as a black man, the police officers
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: are going to pull me over. And if I talk back,
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: my life is in danger.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Submission.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: So it's not like I have a white friend. Let
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: me tell you, this is funny as shit. I have
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: a white friend. And one day in high school, he
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: had just gotten his driver's license. We're zooming around. He
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: got pulled over. Police pull him over outside of Boston, Massachusetts,
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: a place called Franklin. Police pull him over. Hand him
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: a ticket that he thought was unfair and unjust. This
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: white dude got the ticket, cussed at the police officer,
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: tore the ticket, threw it out the window and took
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: off driving. Do you know what that police officer did?
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: That police officer drove, pulled us back over and wrote
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: him another ticket and then an additional ticket for vandalism.
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: And I was watching that and I was like, if
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: I had done that, they would have been filling me
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: up with so many bullet holes as I drove away. Right.
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: My mother had to raise her child with panic and
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: fear and anxiety. But my white friend's parents didn't have
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: to do that. So you got to understand your father
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: was parenting in an environment that wasn't really built for him.
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: It's not a just environment. Now, that doesn't excuse his
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: poor treatment, but we have to give them grace because
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: they weren't parenting from an equal footing that other cultures, races, ethnicities,
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: nationalities got to parent from. So then when somebody calls you,
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: like if somebody asked you on a date, they said
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: they're going to be there at 8 and they show
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: up at 8.42, you're going to be like, you know what?
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: This is normal life. This is just normal life. This
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: is just normal life. And because I forgive my father.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know the why you're hanging.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: That's how I feel every time.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: I don't be like that because I feel like there's
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: going to come a time where I'm going to be late.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? We don't want him to wait.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be late. I don't, I'm not mad
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: about being late. I'm mad about the lack of communication
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: before being late.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: That's what pisses me off.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: Like, If you saw it was near 8 o'clock and
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: you knew you were supposed to be here at 8 o'clock,
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: nothing said to get your little Twitter fingers to text
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: me and say.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: Hey, I'm late. I'm running late.
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: No. Of course, I'm going to be honest with you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't call you either.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: Damn, Elliot.
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: I know. I wouldn't call you either. Would you like
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: to know why?
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 38:37
  Speaker 5: Now, I met AJ at another event, but Tam, I
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: think this is the first time you and I have talked.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Tam was there, though. She was there. We were at 85. Yeah,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: we didn't talk. Tam was definitely there, though.
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. So, Tam, listen. I've now been on this
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: recording with you for like 30 minutes and you are
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: scary as fuck.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: Really? I don't think I'm the scary one.
• 39:05
  Speaker 5: Not in a bad way. I don't think you're mean
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: at all. But let me tell you what every man
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: would fear. You're a beautiful woman. I got a crush
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: on you. I've been wanting to ask you on a
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: date for however long. And I asked you on a date.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: You say yes. And I'm now on my way to
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: your house to pick you up. I told you I'd
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: be there at 730. It is 742. And I've been
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: listening to you on the We Talk Back podcast. All
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: kinds of shit. I'm afraid if I call you and
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: let you know I'm going to be late, you won't
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: cuss me out. So the easiest thing I can do
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: is if I show up. I can apologize and you're
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: less likely to yell at me and you're less likely
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: to cancel the date, because what I'm afraid of, if
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: I call you, tell you I'm running late. You're going
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: to cuss me out and be like, I ain't going
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: no more, mother. And now the date is over. So
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: I'd rather just show up so that the date can continue.
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: That's why I don't, it ain't nothing to do with accountability.
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: It's because you're scary.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: That's childish though, right? That's some shit from childhood. Like
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: you go ahead and do it and just accept your
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: punishment at the end of the evening. Why not hit
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: me up? We're adults.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's just the opposite.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: I would appreciate more that you telling me you're going
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: to be late versus me just sitting here waiting on
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: someone who I haven't heard from.
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: I think that that's a true, and that's a good point,
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: but I wouldn't go into that dynamic assuming that.
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, I give these niggas a little longer leash.
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: The fact that you call them these niggas is exactly
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: my point.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: We spell it different, though. It's spelled with a K.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: It's niggas. These niggas. That's a little different. A little
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: bit more respectful.
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: I'm saying, like, Tam, where do you live, Tam?
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: Can I ask you that? Charlotte, North Carolina.
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: Charlotte, North Carolina.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: Tam, I can tell you right now, if I called you,
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: and I'm in LA right now, if I called you
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: in LA and I was like, Tam, you want to
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: hang out tonight? You were like, sure, I'll hang out.
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: I don't have no damn clue what time I'm going
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: to get to your house. Because the LA traffic is
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: absolutely crazy. And I'm a busy businessman. I run a
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: multi seven figure business. I've got All kinds of things
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: I'm accountable to. There are times I'm on my way
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: to pick up my friend Tam. I told her I'd
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: be there at 730. I look at the clock. It
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: is 743. And Waze told me I'm seven minutes away.
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: But I'm on the phone with my business partner. Or
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: I'm on the phone with Charlamagne telling me that we're
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: going to do this. There's so many things going on.
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: And you've got to have grace. And it starts with
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: your father so then you can gift it to other
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: people in your life.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to try it, Elliot. I'm going to
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: try it. I'm going to try it. Okay, I'm going
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: to just leave it at that. I'm going to try.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: That is a big trigger for me that I need
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: to work on because I will bark down a nigga
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: neck because he's not, because he's late.
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: Have you ever met any person in your life that
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: enjoyed being barked down their neck.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: Because I'd be barking. Do you like it? I'd be barking.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: I don't. I don't like it.
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: So I wouldn't like it either, which is exactly why
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: I'm afraid to call you and say, hey, I'm running
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: late for these reasons. Because y'all don't want to admit it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: Here's what happens. Here's what happens. Y'all don't want to
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: admit it, but here's exactly what happens. If I call
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: you and I say, and here's the fear. This is
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: what goes on in the male suitor's mind. If I
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: call you and I say, I'm running late. because I
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: got a call from one of my employees and it
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: slowed me up while I was getting dressed. The fear
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: is you're going to be like, so they more important
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: than me? I thought I knew your business was going
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: to get in the way. If you're too busy, then
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: let me know. Like, that's the fear, right? That's the fear.
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: I've had friends say that to me. I've had friends
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: call me and then I call them back and I'm like, look,
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: I just got off the stage. Sorry. Oh, so we
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: ain't even boys like we used to because you're now
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: busy and successful. Like, bro, what do you have to
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: do with that? But you're now assessing things to me.
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: And that's the fear. I'm going to call Tam and
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: tell her I'm running late because this other thing got
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: in the way. Oh, I already thought you were busy.
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: So is this going to be like we keep on dating?
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: I'm going to take a backseat to your business all
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: the time.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm going through that.
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: That's what happens. And I would rather just show up
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: with a with a flower and a box of chocolates. Tam,
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: I'm so sorry I was late. And then hopefully you
• 43:41
  Speaker 5: ain't gonna bark down my neck.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: That's the problem. Half of these niggas just showing out
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: with dick and do-rags.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: They ain't even showing up with nothing extra.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: Or don't show up at all.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Or don't show up and call you the next day like, shit,
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: nigga got tied up.
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: But that's the thing. If they don't show up at all,
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: and if all they got, look, if the only thing
• 44:01
  Speaker 5: a man has for you is dick.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about them bitches. I ain't talking about the
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: people I be fucking with.
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: If all that brings you is that, that's not the
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: right relationship.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: A dick do-rag in a pull-up bar. Ladies, reevaluate why
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: you fuck with him. What kind of daddy did you have?
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: My daddy had the hoes, but he definitely took care
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: of home. He gonna at least pay the bills and
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: shit like that.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: But he was a cheater.
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: Well, thank you for that.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: It's something I'm gonna work on. So, Should I like
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: count or something to like not get angry? Like what's
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: a good way to like not get angry in that moment?
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: In that moment where I'm sad.
• 44:46
  Speaker 5: Two things. Actually three. Three things, Tam. You ready? Yes.
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: The first thing is forgive your father and every other
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: man that has created this wound. Okay. That's thing number one. Okay.
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: Thing number two. I want you to tell the person
• 45:04
  Speaker 5: that has just asked you on a date, if you
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: are late, let me know or I will cuss your
• 45:13
  Speaker 5: ass out. FYI. Let me know or I will rip
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: you a new one. And thing number three, when and
• 45:23
  Speaker 5: if they do let you know, recognize they've done what
• 45:26
  Speaker 5: I've asked them to do. Okay. So thus I have
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: to control myself. Okay.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: That's fair. I'm going to try that.
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: Three steps. Okay.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: So I want to go back to childhood trauma because
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: I think I got mommy issues, right? I know I definitely,
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: I don't think I have, you know, the parent, the
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: absent parent usually is always like the celebrity, right? When
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: they come around, it's like, ah, daddy, but constant usually
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: is the black mom, right? She's probably yelling at your ass,
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: cussing your ass. She's frustrated because she got to work
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: all the time. Um, and provide and, and daddy get
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: to do whatever he want to do, wherever the fuck
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: he's at. Right. So now, um, I've been back here
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: in Charleston. Um, I left the relationship and came home.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: It's how I ended up back here. And I think
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: I ended up back here to try and heal some
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: childhood wounds, wounds a little bit. Maybe. I definitely have
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: a problem with people speaking to me. Nice. I do
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: not like anybody talking at me, cussing, That type of shit.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: And that's the household I was raised in. You know
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? So I think I have like my mom,
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: she rather not talk to you if she can't talk
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: to you how she wants to. So we can't sit
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: down and have an amicable conversation without you getting that mad.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: And I find that in myself, too, when I start
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: talking to people. When I get shit over here, I
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: can't control it. You see what I'm saying? I'd rather
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: not talk to you. Don't fucking push it, bitch. It's
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: really how I feel. What can I do? I've actually decided.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: I think the first step to change is deciding. So
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: I've decided that I'm no longer arguing with anybody else
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: in life. The last argument I had was with Tam.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: And then I had one with my mom and I
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: have now decided that I'm not arguing, arguing with anybody
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: else in life. I promise. I swear to God. Okay.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: I'm not. How do I, how do I actually follow
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: through on that? Right. Because Tam and I have a
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: thing where she doesn't like hanging up, but if I
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm about to get crazy, I need to
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: go away. And maybe I don't even have the words
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: to tell you, Hey, I need to hang up.
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Or if I just leave, because in my last relationship,
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: I'll leave. I don't like confrontation in that way because
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like we should have enough love and respect
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: for each other for it not to even get there.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: But some people, like we talk about that sixth love
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: language out here, which is toxicity. So a lot of
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: people actually need that to feel loved because of how
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: they were raised. If they were raised by an angry
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: black bitch who cussed and yelled at them, when I'm
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: just being a, I'm around here sprinkling fairy dust You
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? And you can't receive that type
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: of love because you've never seen it before. You only
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: feel love when I'm mad.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: All right, Elliot, before you answer, did you think you
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: were coming on here to give therapy or.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: Just talk about therapy? Because I feel like that's what
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: you did.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Both.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. Both. I'm telling people what
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: the fuck I'm going through mentally, right? And I'm asking
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: for help. Help. Please.
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: No, I'm kidding. No, I'm happy to talk about all
• 48:45
  Speaker 5: of it, man. Because I think some of your listeners
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: are going to be struggling with the same things.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because our mothers are our gods, essentially. Like when
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: you look at it, like your mom is your god.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: So you don't ever want to be at odds with God.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? But it's tough dealing with
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: black women sometimes.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: Well, okay. So I think you're trying to do something
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: that is unrealistic.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: When I'm arguing?
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 49:14
  Speaker 5: Yes. Because here's what's going to happen. Here's what's going
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: to happen, AJ. You're going to, because you're a strong-minded woman,
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: you're going to make this commitment to yourself, like I'm
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: no longer going to argue. And you're going to bottle
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: up these emotions for a really long time. And then
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: you're going to explode on someone close to you.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: That's already happened though. You see what I'm saying? So
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: giving a lot of grace, letting people slide. And I
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: don't feel like that shit no more. But then I
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: also don't feel like arguing anymore.
• 49:45
  Speaker 5: So here, let me tell you what to do. First,
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: I want to talk to you about forgiveness. Because I
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: would say the same thing to you about your mom
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: that I said to Tam about her day. You got
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: to find a way to forgive your mom. because she
• 50:02
  Speaker 5: was doing the best that she can. And let me
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: tell you, people think forgiveness is like what you were saying.
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: I got to move back to South Carolina and figure
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: out how to do this with my mom. I forgive
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: my father, even though the last word he said to
• 50:12
  Speaker 5: me was, fuck you. Like, I don't need to move.
• 50:15
  Speaker 5: My father lives in San Diego now. I don't need
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: to go to San Diego.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: No, I didn't move here for that purpose. But while
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: here now, I realized that may have been the reason
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I ended up back here, is what I'm saying.
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: Let me tell you how to forgive. Can you tell
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: me three things you love about yourself. I mean, like
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: deeply love about AJ.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I am funny. Okay. I am, uh, I'm a good time.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: I believe. Am I not?
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: Nice tits. Oh, he wasn't asking. Sorry.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: I'm smart. Okay. I can cook really well. Um, when
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: I think of, I'm just thinking about the things that
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: make me happy outside of family.
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: Can you tell me now? You are obviously a very
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: successful thing. You wouldn't have a podcast like this if
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: you weren't. What is something you've achieved and or accomplished
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: that you are just really proud of and mean something
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: to you?
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: What we're doing right now, like we were just on
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: a breakfast club. I just asked Tam earlier. I was like,
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: you know, we're going to go to homecoming. They're going
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: to act like we regular. Like y'all niggas ain't been
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: on the breakfast club. We ain't regular, you know? You know,
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: so yes, I'm proud of what we're accomplishing with this podcast,
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: even though some people may, you know, be out here
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: trying to dumb it down, but it's a lot of work.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of hard work and we're actually doing
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: it and we've been dedicated to it. And I'm going
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: to tell you, I got a problem. I got commitment issues.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: I also have a problem with executing, right? So having
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: had done this thing this long and sticking with it,
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: no matter what's going on, that's a huge accomplishment for me.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: And I can't say that no one close to me,
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: like family-wise, has congratulated me on it.
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: Okay. AJ, I could almost get emotional now. Like, listening
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: to you talk about it, like, that's crazy. The way
• 52:07
  Speaker 5: you forgive is I want you to find a way
• 52:10
  Speaker 5: to be grateful for your mother for all of those
• 52:13
  Speaker 5: wonderful things you just described about yourself. That's how you forgive.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: I can do that.
• 52:21
  Speaker 5: I can do that.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: And that's when you stop arguing.
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: Because then you end up being, like, gratefulness is one
• 52:27
  Speaker 5: of the most amazing things in the world. Gratitude, yes.
• 52:29
  Speaker 5: Because once you start pressing grace and gratitude, it leaks
• 52:33
  Speaker 5: out everywhere. And then you don't argue with people. Let
• 52:35
  Speaker 5: me tell you why you argue. But not you, AJ, but, like,
• 52:38
  Speaker 5: human beings. Right? And I'm going to put it in
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: a dating context, right? So let's say, AJ, you meet
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: someone and you are really into this person. You're really
• 52:48
  Speaker 5: dating this person. In the beginning of the relationship, all
• 52:51
  Speaker 5: you see is goodness about them. And then after a while,
• 52:55
  Speaker 5: they just turn into like, that nigga that won't put
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: the toilet seat down. But when you have an attitude
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: of gratefulness, they never stop shining. And the reason you
• 53:07
  Speaker 5: argue with someone is you are talking to someone and
• 53:09
  Speaker 5: in that moment, you're no longer seeing the shine on them.
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: And gratefulness is such a powerful weapon to our healing
• 53:18
  Speaker 5: that Because all you start seeing is shining. And I'm
• 53:22
  Speaker 5: at a place right now, like I'm grateful for all
• 53:25
  Speaker 5: of it. My mother is the most amazing human being
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: I've ever known. And my father beat the shit out
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: of me. But I'm so grateful for everything that has
• 53:36
  Speaker 5: ever happened to me because it brought me to this
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: moment right now. If I could redo my childhood, I
• 53:42
  Speaker 5: would pick my exact same father and my exact same
• 53:44
  Speaker 5: mother because I'm so grateful to every lesson I learned.
• 53:48
  Speaker 5: because it put me on this path. And AJ, you
• 53:52
  Speaker 5: are doing things that no one gets to do. Like
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: people can't just go to the breakfast club. People can't
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: just have a black effect podcast. People can't just break
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: family patterns and wounds. You're doing all of that. And
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: you have to be grateful for every single thing that
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: contributed to it, not just the positive ones.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Right. And so I am grateful, right? But when you're
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: dealing with, I'm grateful and I have a tremendous amount
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: of self-awareness, right? But then I'm in a family where
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: not everybody does and you feel like you can't just
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: discard your family. So I take refuge. I mean, you can,
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: you feel like you can is what I said, right?
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: So I do take refuge in making sure I surround
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: myself with people who are a little bit more like-minded,
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: which is also like a problem for people who are
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: actually related to me. They don't like that term. But
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: that's how, if people don't get you, it's going to
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: always be turmoil. So whoever it may be, you have
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: to surround yourself with people who get you, right? So
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: there's no issues. And I'm not saying it's never going
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: to be a problem, but it's minimal. And y'all able
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: to get through it, see the bigger picture and move on, right?
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: So we dealing with 70 year old people. It's a
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: little bit different.
• 55:10
  Speaker 5: No, I think that's true. But number one, I 100%
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: agree with you. You got to spend time around people that,
• 55:16
  Speaker 5: resonate with you uh number two you can just.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: Use i told my niece recently yes it don't matter
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: who it is if this person is not making you
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: happy they're not a ray of sunshine when you when
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: they come around you don't have to deal with them
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: that's even your mom anybody that's.
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: 100 true if you do not trigger healthiness in me
• 55:37
  Speaker 5: i don't want to engage with you and the third
• 55:41
  Speaker 5: thing i would say your mother How do I say this?
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: The next time your mother is yelling at you and
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: not being nice or whatever she might do, I want
• 55:53
  Speaker 5: you to find the thing even in that moment that
• 55:57
  Speaker 5: you would be grateful for. Like, I'm so glad I
• 55:59
  Speaker 5: had a mom that showed me this is not how
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: I want to live the rest of my life.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: That's so hard because.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: In that moment, you're like, I'm so grateful that she
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: gonna get the fuck out of my face in just
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: a second. You know, like it's, it's so hard to
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: do those things in the moment.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: Good.
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: I think that's true. I think that's true, but that's how,
• 56:16
  Speaker 5: you know, like the thing I'm most, I've written books.
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: I've had made millions of dollars. Like I've done crazy things.
• 56:26
  Speaker 5: I am most proud of the fact that I've never
• 56:30
  Speaker 5: put my hands on a woman ever. And that might
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: sound stupid, but, But I'm most proud of that because
• 56:38
  Speaker 5: I lived in a home where I saw domestic violence.
• 56:42
  Speaker 5: And I remember in the seventh grade, I went to
• 56:44
  Speaker 5: an assembly. Y'all remember when they used to bring everybody
• 56:46
  Speaker 5: to an auditorium? And that particular lecture was about domestic violence.
• 56:51
  Speaker 5: And the lecturer that day said, if you live in
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: a home and there's domestic violence, you're 52 times more
• 56:58
  Speaker 5: likely to be the perpetrator of domestic violence. I'll never
• 57:00
  Speaker 5: forget hearing that. And I remember sitting in my seat
• 57:03
  Speaker 5: almost crying like, man, I'm fucked. I'm 52 times more
• 57:06
  Speaker 5: likely to be a perpetrator of domestic violence. Now, here
• 57:09
  Speaker 5: I am at 46. I have never put my hands
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: on a woman in anger ever.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: But have you ever wanted to slap a bitch?
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: They're like, ooh, girl, if you don't get on, I
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: swear to God, I'm going.
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: To knock you across the counter.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: So you ain't never shuck a bitch?
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: No, that is what we mean.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: But I've never done it.
• 57:33
  Speaker 5: Never done it. And where did I learn that? I
• 57:36
  Speaker 5: learned that from watching my father and realizing I don't
• 57:38
  Speaker 5: want to be like that. And I'm grateful for that lesson,
• 57:42
  Speaker 5: as ridiculous as that sounds. And mastering your own perception
• 57:46
  Speaker 5: is having the ability to in real time say, I'm
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: so grateful my mother taught me how horrible it is
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: to yell at people. That's why I don't want to
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: yell at Tam. That's why I don't want to yell
• 57:56
  Speaker 5: at my close friends. That's why I don't want to,
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean, AJ? I learned how hurtful
• 58:01
  Speaker 5: yelling is because my mother taught me. She could have
• 58:04
  Speaker 5: taught me in a healthier way, but this is the
• 58:06
  Speaker 5: way I learned it. I'm so grateful. I'm not going
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: to perpetrate this any further.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: That's still not my normal, like, go-to setting, though. It's
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: like things that get me there, right? And it comes
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: with a lack of respect you start having for somebody, right?
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: That's really where yelling and arguing and stuff, things happen,
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: and then you, so you have to find a way,
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: I guess, to get back their respect. Because I don't
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: want to intentionally disrespect somebody I love. I don't.
• 58:33
  Speaker 5: No, but you have to find a way to limit
• 58:35
  Speaker 5: that person's access to you. If I'm continuing to disrespect you,
• 58:41
  Speaker 5: if I come to your house and you tell me
• 58:45
  Speaker 5: to take my shoes off at the front door, and
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: every single time I come to your house, I'm like, man,
• 58:50
  Speaker 5: fuck that. I'm going to walk in here how I
• 58:51
  Speaker 5: want to.
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: Fuck your couch, nigga. Fuck your couch.
• 58:56
  Speaker 5: Eventually, you should stop inviting me to your house.
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah.
• 59:01
  Speaker 5: I think you have to think about If it's not
• 59:03
  Speaker 5: my normal go-to, it's a process of me losing respect
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: for a person. Why are you allowing people that you've
• 59:09
  Speaker 5: lost respect for to have access to you?
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: Sometimes obligation, you know what I'm saying? And then also,
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: I guess, you also have to maybe see other people's
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: perspective and how they perceive it.
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: And again, that comes with respecting that person enough to
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: see that they may have perceived a situation totally different.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: From how you perceived it.
• 59:31
  Speaker 5: Correct. Yeah, but I'm also not talking about access in
• 59:34
  Speaker 5: terms of proximal. Right. The event I met you at,
• 59:38
  Speaker 5: there was a ton of people there. Let's say I
• 59:40
  Speaker 5: had beef with one of them. I can show up
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: at the event and not give that person access to
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: my heart, to my mind. I can just be around them,
• 59:49
  Speaker 5: but you don't have access to the things that are important.
• 59:52
  Speaker 5: You don't have access to my spirit.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: Right. Right.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I got to work on it. I got to
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: work on it. All this stuff stemmed from childhood. And
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: I think we are all like younger than our parents,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: but we so much older and energy. You know what
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: I'm saying? I feel like I'm a couple thousand years old.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: Like I know I'm older than my parents.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 5: I've never heard anybody put it like that.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: I've never heard anybody put it like that. But I
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 5: feel like, We all deal with it. Nobody gets through
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 5: life without trauma, scars and wounds. The trick is don't
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 5: live your life from the perspective of your trauma, scars
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: and wounds.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: I just see me now like when I'm going on
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: another date or something and they're late and I haven't
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: heard from them and I'm just sitting there.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to be sitting there like, I forgive you, daddy.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: I forgive you, daddy.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: Shut up. I'm so sick of you.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: That's how I'm going to handle it so I don't
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: go off.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: Because depending on who that man is, you're probably going
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: to have a lot of grace for him.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: Let's be very clear. You treating the ones that could
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: be treated like that.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 5: I think. It's across the board. If you're going to
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 5: be late, that's one of my triggers.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Just.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: It's not just late. It's like saying you're going to
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: do something and then not doing it and then not.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: Speaking on it. Tell them that. And by the way, Tam,
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 5: it is okay to have triggers. We all have them.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 5: We all have them. One of my triggers is if
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 5: you get mad at me, don't call me the next
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 5: day and be like, hey man, what you doing? Because
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 5: I have to resolve the thing that we argued about
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: the last time we talked. And the reason that I
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: have that is my father used to beat the shit
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: out of me all night. And then I'd wake up
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 5: in the morning and he'd be like, what do you
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 5: want on your French toast, son? And I'd be like, what? No,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 5: we have to make a resolution to what happened last night.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 5: That is a trigger for mine. And I'm okay with
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 5: that trigger. So it's perfectly reasonable to tell somebody that
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 5: you are wanting the date. I'm someone you need to
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 5: follow through with the shit you say, or I may
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 5: cuss you out. You need to tell them that. And
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 5: that's okay. That doesn't make you unhealed. That doesn't mean
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 5: there's something wrong with you. It just means you're honoring
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 5: your past experiences. And we all have them.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: Okay. And that won't scare a nigga off?
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 5: It'll scare the wrong nigga off.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 5: The right one will say, thank you for telling me.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 5: I have such a desire to be with you. I
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 5: will work really hard to make sure I don't trigger
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 5: you in that way.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: Hmm. Okay, Elliot, that sounds good.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because that's like beating up a kid for not
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: cleaning their room, but you never showed them how to
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: clean their room. So, like, you beating him up for
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: doing some shit he didn't know that would... I mean,
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: it is common courtesy as far as I'm concerned. If
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: you're going to be late, hit me up.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 5: But what if I can't? What if I can't? What
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 5: if I'm so busy on ways dealing with L.A. traffic
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 5: that I was nervous to call you? Better be in jail.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Something bad better have happened right who died.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 5: But look i don't want to it goes back to
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 5: what i said earlier tam i don't want to call
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: you and you answer the phone like.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: I don't want to call you and do that here
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: come elliot with the bullshit what happened.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 5: I don't want to call you i don't want to
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 5: call you but the right person will hear you say
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 5: that and will honor all of your requests and wishes
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 5: And we all have them. Just because you have a
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 5: trigger doesn't mean there's something wrong. You need to fix it.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 5: It just means that's part of who you are. That's
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 5: part of your story. That's part of your journey.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: That's interesting because I always thought triggers were shit we
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: had to change.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 5: No, we all have them. There is no way to
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 5: de-triggerfy your life. There's just no way to do that.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 5: We all have them, so we all have to live
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 5: by them. We all have to own them. We all
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 5: have to recognize this is who I am. Mm-hmm. One
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 5: of my triggers is being controlled. Tam, you and I
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 5: probably could never date because I'm super spontaneous and I
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 5: run late all the time. One of my triggers is
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 5: being controlled. I do not like it. It makes me
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 5: feel claustrophobic. It makes me feel abused because of the
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 5: childhood I had. And I don't have to fix that.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 5: I just have to make sure I find people that
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 5: don't control me.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: So you feel like telling somebody you're going to be
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: late is being controlled?
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 5: Yes, I do for sure. Damn.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: Damn.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: I do too, man. I feel like if I got
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: to keep checking in with you, I feel some type
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: of way.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 5: Like, I don't want to.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: It's telling you what to do by not being late.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: So are you... So let me ask you this.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: If you have appointments with your clients, are you accountable
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: to them about time?
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 5: I'm late for everything. I was late to this. I'm
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 5: late to everything. And it's not.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 5: And it's not my fault. I was sitting here, man.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 5: I'm sitting at this little table working. And I was like, man,
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 5: let me go ahead and jump on a few minutes early.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: And I jumped on, and Chrome made me update.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: And I was like, shit.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 5: That's just me.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: Shit happens.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 5: Shit happens. That's just my personality.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Elliot. I'm going to try to chokeslam you up
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: in here.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: You ain't gonna lie. Come a little closer, Elliot.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: Come a little closer. But that's like, you have to
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 5: know who you are and be in a relationship with
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 5: people who can accentuate and love you, including your flaws.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 5: It's not gonna work if every time you call a
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 5: dude to come over, you end up wanting to hit
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 5: him in the head with a baseball bat.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: Right. They used to like that. Hit club very quick.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: They came, women.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 5: It ain't going to work if that's the dynamic.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: But some men do love that. I had a guy
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: texting me the other day, and I'm misconstruing what he's
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: saying via text message because, first of all, it's text,
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: so you leave it to your reader to interpret what
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: the fuck it is you're actually trying to say. So
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: he was like, you know, you got to cuss me
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: out sometimes. I'm like, no, that's not what I want
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: That's what his mama used to do to him.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Like he wants somebody to check him.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: But why are you doing things that I got to
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: check you about?
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 5: I would have a different question. My question for me
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 5: would be, why are you in relationships with someone who
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 5: can't accept the kind of love that you give? And
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 5: I'll give you an example. Clinically, I was doing sometimes
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 5: couples come to therapy with things that are just kind
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 5: of off the wall. And I was doing therapy with
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 5: this couple and she was like, I'm so mad at
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 5: him because he won't hit me. And this was like
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 5: the nicest dude you ever met in your life. And
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 5: it turns out that her father was abusive. Her boyfriends
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 5: have all been abusive. And her first husband was abusive.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 5: So now she's in a relationship with this guy who
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 5: just oozes niceness and kindness. And she's like, I can't
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 5: make him mad enough to hit me, which makes me
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 5: think he doesn't care about me. You have to heal
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 5: from that stuff. So if some guy, AJ, is telling you,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 5: I need you to cuss me out sometimes, and you
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 5: are overtly saying, but I'm trying not to be an arguer,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 5: he is now disqualified from being your life partner.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, I already know. You know what I'm saying? I
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: already know. I actually had to go back to the
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: messages because it started with him saying, I want you
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: to be crazy about me. And I said, why?
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 5: That's exactly my point.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: And I said, why? He was like, if you fuck
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: with me, I need to know you don't play about me.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: I said, I shouldn't be put in a position to
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: display how much I don't play about you. Like, what?
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: I'm always giving therapy to niggas, first of all. And
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: even when I leave them, it's therapy for them. They're
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: going to try to be better next time.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: I know a girl who, she had, her child's father
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: was physically abusive and she posted pictures on social media
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: of how he beat her. And it was really sad
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: to see And she left and moved to another town.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: And then she was with another guy. And she's posting
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: pictures of how he beat her, too. And then she
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: went with another guy. And then I started to think, like,
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: is there something in her?
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: About her.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 5: That is. For sure.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 5: For sure. As people, we choose what is comfortable, not
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 5: what is healthy. That's just what we do as people.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 5: We do what's comfortable, not what is healthy. So if
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 5: I'm used to an angry, abusive dynamic, then I choose
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 5: what is comfortable, not what is healthy.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: So, OK, I have one more question. This is about
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: to get deep in my shit. I might cry.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 5: Here we go.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: So I keep.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: Entertaining people who are unavailable in some way, like they're
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: all the way in LA or they, I ain't really
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: interested in nothing serious right now, or just, just newly
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: divorced or, you know, not ready to get into anything.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: And these are the people I keep entertaining. And I
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: keep asking myself, why am I only entertaining people that
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: are unavailable in some way? Does that mean I'm unavailable.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 3: In some way too?
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 5: My first, I'll answer that in a second, but I
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 5: have two qualifying questions first. My first question is why
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 5: do you think you do that?
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: I'll look up and I'll be like, shit, I'm doing
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: it as fuck again. You know, I'm entertaining someone who
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: isn't available in the way. Why am I entertaining a
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: guy who's all the way in fucking London?
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: Can I tell you the therapy I gave her? She
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: likes unattainability. She likes that. She likes men who are
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: unattainable and the available guy is not appealing.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 5: Well, that brings me to my second question. Do you
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 5: yourself have unconscious commitment issues?
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, I definitely, I definitely have commit. I'm a, I
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: have fear of commitment. I don't know what it spawns from,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: but I definitely have, I always feel like I'm a
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: choose the wrong person and I'm a look up and
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: I've been with someone I've given, invested all this time
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: into someone who wasn't right. Or that's my biggest fear.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'm a choose wrong.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 5: But that's the answer because you protect yourself from choosing
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 5: wrong by choosing people you can't have.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: So how do I fix that?
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 5: How old are you? Can I ask you that?
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 3: No. No, you can't.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: Older fuck enough. Grow your ass up tomorrow.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 3: I'm late 30, somewhere in there.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 5: All right. What's the longest relationship you've ever had?
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: So I've had like, so I was with, I don't
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: know if this counts. I was with one guy from
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: 16 to 26. And then I was with another guy
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: from 29 to 33, 30.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So then after that, I've been single, completely single
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 3: ever since.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 5: No dates at all?
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: I done had situationships, sneaky links, things like that, but
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: not anything. I haven't posted anybody on my social media
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: since then.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: Let's just say that.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 5: Got you. Okay. I would say you have to risk
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 5: choosing the wrong one to choose the right one. And
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 5: you have to trust yourself. When I realize it's the
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 5: wrong one, I'll be able to get out of it.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 3: But that's the thing.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you my fear. So when, when
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: I lock in with someone like that, I lock in
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: for dear life. I don't want to let go. I
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: stick it out for all the bullshit, all the red flags.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: I'll be just locked in so hard. And I don't
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: know how to, I don't know how to let go
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: when I go there. So that's why it fears me
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: to go there.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 5: I think we should change that, that dynamic. So you'll
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 5: know if I choose a guy and I noticed red
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 5: flags and, I'm going to learn how to let go
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 5: so I can choose the next guy. You know what
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 5: I mean?
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: That's where I'm at, I think. So Tammy thinks I'm a,
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: she thinks I'm a, well, I call myself a.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 3: I call her a serial monogamous.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 2: Okay. Because I, well, and it's traditional. I mean, it's,
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: it's modern day monogamy where you fuck with one person
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: at a time. Right. Cause I don't have, The emotional
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: energy like to give to multiple people, right? So if
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: I connect with somebody, I try to see what's up.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: What I'm learning now is that I don't have a
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: whole year for anybody else anymore, right? So the last
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: situationship I was in lasted maybe about a year and
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: like 13 months or something like that. So like now
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: this situation or whatever, if, and it's cool, if it's
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: not looking right, I know I need to get out earlier, right?
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: Because I, like Tam just said, like you'll stay in
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: relationships longer, right? The shit been expired and you just
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: sticking it out. But you don't have to constantly compromise
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: with people. You don't. You know what I'm saying? State
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: your shit. They ain't with it. Y'all need to part ways.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: But you get comfortable and familiar and you just start
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: hanging out. So now I guess my thing is just
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: getting the fuck out earlier. I'm going to lock in.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: I like new relationships. I like first dates. I like
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: all that shit. But I'm going to lock in and
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to get the fuck out.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 3: And I don't lock in with nobody. I'll be like,
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: who is this?
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, y'all. I'm sorry. You're so crazy, girl.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: I didn't save your number yet. You ain't made it that.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 5: Far in my life.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: And I be knowing who's next up on the vagina. Okay?
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: I be knowing. I be knowing.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 5: The vagina is probably the greatest thing I've ever heard
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 5: in my whole entire life.
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: I be knowing like, shit, what's up? Who's next?
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 5: I want y'all to just trust your intuition and take
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 5: action on your intuition. Because you know, like y'all know
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 5: Like this person isn't for me, but I'm bored. Or
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 5: I like one aspect of it, but you know they're
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 5: not good for you. You should go. You should go.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 5: I went to college with a guy who became a
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 5: police detective. And one day I was like, bro, what's
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 5: the coolest thing you've learned since you've been a police detective?
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 5: And he said, I think women truly have an intuition
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 5: that men don't have. And I was like, what makes
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 5: you say that? He said, every time I go to
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 5: a crime scene, where a woman was murdered by their ex,
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 5: they've always called someone to say, if something happens to
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 5: me tonight, I was with so-and-so. And he was like,
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 5: why would they go to somebody's house where they felt
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 5: like they had to let their friends know where they were?
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 5: And it's because we don't listen to our intuition. And
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 5: when y'all first are on a date and you realize
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 5: this ain't somebody I wanna be dating for long-term, don't
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 5: go on another date. Just move the fuck on. Go
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 5: on to the next dynamic.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: And I'd be like, six flags. The red flags would
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: be like, six flags, bitch.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 5: Let's go.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: No, you need to follow your intuition.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 5: You need to follow your intuition. And love is the greatest,
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 5: most powerful, and amazing force on this planet. It is
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 5: worth all the risks, fears, and anxieties. You just have
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 5: to learn how to find the person to go all
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 5: in on. and stop going all in on these wrong people. Like,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 5: they're just wrong.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: I just won't go all in on nobody now.
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid. I don't want to end up.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: I always had this fear that Ashley, AJ, is going
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: to be on an episode of First 48 saying, yeah,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: I remember being on there with her and Elliot.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 3: And she was saying.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: That she was going to kill a nigga if he
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: played with her.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: And I just don't want that happening.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 2: That's the difference between me and you. I ain't getting caught.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: I told y'all I got that M4H money, murder for hire. Okay,
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: I'm not getting caught.
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 5: That's the only difference is I'm not getting caught.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: Why you manifesting getting caught, nigga? Like, we not getting caught.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 5: Can we go back to like, I'm not like you.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to kill nobody. Can we start there? No, no.
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 5: But look, life... Like, you're young enough. Both of y'all
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 5: are young enough. And I can tell you this with 100% certainty.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 5: From my clinical practice, I've talked to 60, 70, 80-year-olds.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 5: Being alone is the worst experience ever. Life is meant
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 5: to be lived in love.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 2: Double occupancy.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so right now, you're young enough. you're vibrant you
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 5: don't want to turn 71 and realize like oh shit
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 5: i'm by myself in here but.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: You also don't want to turn 71 and be with
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: the wrong person all that time because then.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 5: Then listen to me telling you how to find the
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 5: healthy relationship because i agree you don't want to be
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 5: 71 with the wrong person but people have come to
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 5: therapy and i'm telling you the regret they have is
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 5: not Not choosing a life partner. And they went at
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 5: it alone. And before you know it.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 3: Fuck 71.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be 41 in this bitch by myself.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: I be acting like I'm okay. But when I'm in
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: here eating my dinner. At my little tray table.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 3: Watching sisters by myself.
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 5: I be feeling it. I want you guys to. Understand
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 5: that love is worth the risk. Love is the greatest
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 5: thing in the world. Life is meant to be lived
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 5: with love. So take that chance and know if I
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 5: go on a date with a person and I don't
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 5: like this person, I don't ever have to see this
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 5: motherfucker again ever. And I can keep going until I
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 5: meet that person where I'm like, damn. Like this is
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 5: this is it. Like I didn't know that I could
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 5: feel this way about someone who is healthy and makes
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 5: me feel good and lifts me up. find that. You
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 5: deserve it. Y'all deserve it.
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 3: Do you think we could be too picky? Is there
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 3: a such thing as that?
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: It's like, girl, you're not going to find anyone because
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: your requirements are not achievable.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 3: Is that possible?
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 5: I suppose it's possible, but it's much less likely than
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 5: the opposite. I would rather you be too picky than
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 5: too loose. It's okay to have standards. In fact, it's necessary.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 5: If someone is not going to be turned on to
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 5: the stuff you're turned on to, then move on and
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 5: go find a healthy relationship. And never, ever forget, life
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 5: is meant to be lived in companionship. Boy, there's no
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 5: real easy way to say this, but look, you're sick.
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 5: Stand in there.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: Stand in there. Y'all, we went on way too long.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: But listen, Elliot, we have a segment in our show.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 2: It is dumb bitch stories, right? And then the equivalent
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 2: to that is simp series. So we like to hear
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 2: stories from men and women about a time that they
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: got played in a relationship. Doesn't make you a simp
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: for real, right? Just somebody took advantage of a good guy.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 2: And we don't want any goddamn high school stories, okay?
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: We want some adult shit that altered some shit in you.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 2: since the psychotherapist made you move a little bit different.
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 3: Why are you thinking about that? Are you married now?
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 3: Are you in a relationship now?
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 5: I'm in a relationship now, yes.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 5: I'm thinking. I don't.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: Know.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 5: Take your time.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 2: How long have you been in your current relationship?
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 5: A long time.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 5: You say you don't know any high school stories, but
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 5: I got to go back to high school. That's how
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 5: long I've been not single. I got to go back
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 5: to high school.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, go ahead.
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 3: Damn.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 5: Okay, tell it. When I was in high school, and
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 5: this shit fucked me up bad. It messes with me
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 5: to this day. When I was in high school, I
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 5: had a crush on this girl named Sarah. Sarah was
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 5: the hot girl on the soccer team. And when you're
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 5: a guy, you just have no thoughts that Sarah's going
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 5: to ever like you. So I didn't tell nobody. And
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 5: one day I came to school and my boys ran
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 5: up to me and was like, hey, man, Sarah likes you.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 5: So I was like, dope. Sarah, I asked Sarah to
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 5: go out. Sarah became my girlfriend for like two weeks.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 5: And then we just randomly broke up. I didn't understand why, whatever.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 5: About six months later, I find out that one of
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 5: the guys in my crew slept with Sarah.
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 5: And another dude in my crew knew about it and
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 5: nobody told me. So to this day, I have trust
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 5: issues with people telling me shit. Because actually, the thing
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 5: that hurt me so much wasn't so much Hurt Sleeve
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 5: or whatever. It was my boy, New, that did not
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 5: tell me. So I feel like she played me. I
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 5: see her on Facebook still. And I ain't going to lie. Like,
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 5: y'all know Envy is probably the pettiest motherfucker that ever
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 5: lived on Earth, right? I have to admit, I got
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 5: a little bit of that pettiness to me because I'd
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 5: be on Facebook seeing her fucked up life and I'd
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 5: be like, that's what she did. Excellent.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 3: Excellent.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: Sarah, she smashed a homie like that Ray J when
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: they called out that girl.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 5: I did not.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: He'd be like, yes.
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I did not feel like that at all. But
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 5: if I'm being very honest, I see her Facebook post
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 5: and I'd be like, that's what you did. But that
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 5: was probably the most like shook moment That I ever was.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 5: And it did impact how I treat my... Because now,
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 5: and I know it's because of that, my super-duper close friends,
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 5: I value them so much. And I only have a
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 5: few of them, but my super-duper close friends, that was
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 5: when I learned. Not everybody who's your friend is your friend.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 5: Not everybody who's in your corner is in your corner.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 3: Oh, I agree. I just learned that lesson too.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 5: I still learn it. Becoming successful... And I mean, I'm obviously,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 5: I'm not the most successful person in the world, but
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 5: I'm more successful than anybody else I know. I'm more
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 5: successful than anybody else I went to high school with
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 5: or grew up with. They be acting weird when you
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 5: get successful.
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: It don't be you changing, it's everybody else.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I see people, like, I can see y'all
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 5: not clapping. Like, I hear the shit y'all saying. It
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 5: always trips me out, too, when people, they talk about
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 5: my social media, but I don't ever see them liking
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 5: or sharing nothing. I'm like, so you watching everything I post,
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 5: but I don't see you watching or sharing nothing. It's
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 5: I find that all weird, but I got some people
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 5: that are like super duper down. And that experience is
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 5: where I learned. You got to keep your circle super tight.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: Like my Facebook, I got like 4000 people on my Facebook.
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: There are people that I actually know.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: Like I leave my Facebook for people that I actually
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: know that I grew up with. I've encountered you in
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: some form or fashion. And when we posted that we
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: were doing Breakfast Club, I got 20 likes. 30 likes.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: It's like, damn, you went to school with me our
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: whole life and you only 30 people felt the need
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: to love this shit.
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 3: That's wow.
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 5: That's wow to me. I've been doing standup with Tiffany
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 5: Haddish recently. I've been on the breakfast club. I'm about
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 5: to announce, you know, the partnership with, with the black effect.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 5: And I, and I, and I've, I had another book.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 5: You said I had four books. My fifth book came
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 5: out a little while ago. Like there's, there's all these
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 5: things and, and, I'm like, so me writing a book,
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 5: I just got a hundred, like 5,000 of y'all. Like
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 5: y'all my homies. And y'all ain't clapping and celebrating? And
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 5: the answer is no. Because your light, your light triggers
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 5: the insecurity in them so they don't support you. And
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 5: I always hate when people say, and people say this
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 5: to me all the time, like stay humble. Like, no,
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 5: you don't want me to stay humble.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, that was actually on my shit. That was, I
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 2: wanted to talk about humble versus narcissist.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 5: Well, I think, Well, narcissism versus humility is humility and
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 5: narcissism aren't super duper linked. But most of the time
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 5: when people tell you to stay humble, what they're really
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 5: saying is you shining is making me uncomfortable. So stop
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 5: making me uncomfortable. And if me shining makes you uncomfortable,
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 5: you wasn't my homie anyway. You wasn't you wasn't my
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 5: bro anyway. You weren't down with me anyway. But that's
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 5: really what happens is people treat it like that. So
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 5: y'all keep shining and keep winning and keep growing and
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 5: keep glowing. And if people don't like it, that's just
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 5: for them. That's part of the consequences of success.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, man.
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 2: I really don't be concerned about the public. My thing
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 2: is my family, the people who are closest to me.
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 2: Those are the people I want to clap for me.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 2: I really don't care if people outside of them.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 5: My family, I've got family members struggling right now. I
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 5: signed a TV deal and it is it is reorganized
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 5: some of my family dynamics because they're just not like
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 5: people get used to who you were. And they have
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 5: a hard time with you becoming who you are. Exactly.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 5: I'm just not here for that.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: But actually, you've probably been this person your whole life, right?
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: So your whole life, I'm just not realizing. People have
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: been trying to dim my shit my whole life. But
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: the whole time, I knew exactly who I was. You
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: just didn't, right? So you went out your way to
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 2: try to make me feel like I'm not who the
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 2: fuck I am, okay?
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: Elliot, tell everybody where they can find you, where they can...
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: Get some of your services, if possible.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 3: Your books.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 2: Shout out.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 5: Everything. Love it. Love it.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 5: You can find me on social media at Elliot Speaks.
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 5: That's with two L's and two T's. Elliot Speaks. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Threads.
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 5: That's where you can find me. My YouTube channel. Just
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 5: search my name, Elliot Connie, and you'll see my YouTube channel.
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 5: Elliot Connie is not a super common name, so it's
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 5: easy to find. Again, two L's, two T's. And then
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 5: you can also find whatever you need to about my
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 5: services and my books and who I am at my website,
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 5: which is elliottconnie.com.
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: Hey, I have one more question, Elliot, before we go.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 5: Fire away.
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: In those two weeks, did you fuck Sarah? Or no?
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: Did you get the pussy?
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 5: What two weeks?
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 2: You said you dated Sarah for two weeks. Did you
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: get the pussy of your homeboy to smash your girl?
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: I want to know, did you get the fuck too?
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: Out of all things, that could have been your final question.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 3: You want to know if he fucked Sarah or not.
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 5: I did not, man. He actually stole two girls from me.
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 5: One named Sarah, one named Shannon. He told both of them,
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 5: Elliot don't really like you. Ellie don't really fuck with
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 5: you like that.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, he was a hater.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 3: He was a big hater.
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 5: I didn't smash either of them.
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 3: Damn.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 5: When you ask these questions when you get played, these
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 5: are triggering experiences. The same dude snatched two girls. It
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 5: was terrible. He got them both. I didn't get down
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 5: without one of them.
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 2: Damn. I just needed to know.
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 5: I was in high school, AJ. I appreciate that.
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 3: Don't unpack alien shit like that.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 5: All right, y'all.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 2: If you enjoyed this episode.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 5: Feeling good about myself in my 40, you make me
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 5: feel like shit now.
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 3: AJ doing to you what my therapist had done to
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 3: me that day. I know.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 5: I just got them telling me we shouldn't do that
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 5: to people. Now AJ rocking my world over here.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: Well, the solution would be to hit her raggedy ass
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 2: up on Facebook now and see if you can smash
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 2: her and not talk to her no more. That's the
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 2: solution brief therapy. Oh my goodness.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 5: Don't listen to AJ. I'm rich. I don't have to. Hey,
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 5: come on, Elliot.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 2: Talk your shit, okay?
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 3: Talk your shit. Meanwhile, my screen case is fucked up.
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 3: And I need another one, but I'm going to hold
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 3: on to it as long as I can. Elliot, we
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 3: had so much fun.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us thank you for that free
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: therapy session i'm really gonna reach out to you for
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: some more because i feel like i got some more
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: shit to unpack if that's.
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 5: Okay give her my phone number let's all stay connected.
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 4: Got it definitely all right y'all listen If you enjoyed
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 4: this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on your iHeartRadio
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 4: app or wherever the fuck you get your podcast at.
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 2: This is your co-host AJ Holiday 2.0. If you want
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 2: to follow me on Instagram, y'all, we got wetalkbackent.com. Hit
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 2: us up for some merchandise. We got a few other
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 2: things coming up as well. What you got, Tam?
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: Y'all, it's official Tam Bam on Instagram. Y'all, please follow
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 1: me now. Y'all remember to speak now.
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 2: And never hold your peace.
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 3: Deuces. Bye.