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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just-Thoughtful Action and the Power of Routine 8.20.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Analyzing on page 225, our person can be more focused on
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  doing things right motive. He says an important component
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  is having time, which means you just spoke about, you know,
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  getting up before them. We say yes to actually person
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  has to wait before they haven't stand up and drop early before
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  they say that. I mean, don't stand up at the
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  alert so they can get themselves ready in any area of life, you
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  have to be a little bit prepared.
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  Don't drive in to deal from Lakewood Lake and come in the
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  middle of praying. That's not recommended for to
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  fill out. Why?
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  Because you're going to be in a hurry or you're in a hurry.
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  It to be a lot is different and in life and all decisions that
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  we make that same mindset, we do things in a hurry.
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  It leads actually to doing things more based on the mode
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  Altera motives and the right thinking.
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  We settle and we have a second, we have a 2nd about, you know,
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  this is a classic, most classic example that ever gave is when
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  the first Shiva in Europe was built.
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  I told you the rabbi told him wait five years.
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  He came to him and he told him, told him one rabbi is his
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  teacher. They go in a villain if he can
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  make a Shiva and he told him came with the plans, he came
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  with the idea, he came with the whole model all excited.
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  He said no, don't do it. OK, a little bit dejected.
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  Five years later he comes back, same plans, same idea, the exact
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  same system. And the rabbit said now you can
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  do it. So he said, what's the
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  difference? Why have we fought?
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  Why didn't tell me? Yes, last time.
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  He said last time you were too excited, but he's to be too
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  excited. I'm a little nervous.
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  You're doing it for the wrong reason, right?
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  Because the reality is we are 10.
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  When we get actually excited and we jump into things, we tend to
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  be doing it for a different motive.
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  Settle right so you're. Saying that's a different twist
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  and the timing is right. It's not about timing.
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  Yeah, exactly. It's basically the timing is
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  right. It's not no, because I'm when
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  you first see that Isaac. No, maybe you should wait a
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  couple years till the community builds 1000 kids or whatever.
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  Right. You're saying that's not the
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  reason? That's what people thought.
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  That was not the reason. The reason was because you
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  wanted him to be interested in the project, but without the
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  excitement. I'll give you an example.
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  Someone's about to become You shouldn't strike while the
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  iron's hot. Not exactly for fundraising you
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  should, but to become a, you know, to jump in, to do an act
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  of community work. If you do so, if you do so,
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  probably also if you do that, you might get a little, you
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  know, pushed a little further, but you will fall off.
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  Because with Orange Hot is not a really a real source of actual
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  motivation. It's a source of other
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  motivations. They go, they get you there, but
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  they don't represent the right mindset.
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  So many people have taken on different things because they
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  believed they got excited about something.
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  They saw someone else doing it. They said I want to do the same
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  thing, whatever it may be. I want to get involved in that
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  headset idea, help other families.
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  I want to do something. Maybe I want to interform my
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  family. People of times reset and reset
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  and reset and they keep doing because they see what other
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  people do and they want to do the same thing.
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  But their motive isn't right and therefore they don't have it
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  thought through. What ends up happening is it
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  falters if they do it. That's your time.
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  You have to think before you act before you decide.
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  Obviously no procrastination if if.
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  If the rabbi said we shouldn't rush into a mignon, we should
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  take take our time. That's great.
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  Let's take him out. Here so we also learned Zirizut
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  in chapter 1. So now if I have to choose
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  between being on time for Nets or waiting for the 8:00 mignon,
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  what do I choose? Because you want the Zirizut,
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  but you want to. Prepare.
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  OK, so the reality is we say do Nets on time for Nets because
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  it's happening to the powers of time.
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  The real the world of Hasidim is to wait.
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  Ayusha. That was my next.
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  Yes. You went to the Velma.
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  Gone. Yeah.
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  I would look for the Hasidim. That's the name of the opposite.
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  That's the opposite. They pray so late because
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  they're into preparing and waiting and this and that.
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  You know, they pray late. You can come to a Hasid place at
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  7 AMI see a couple of men there who are sitting around and
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  reading and learning and doing their thing.
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  They're not going to pray till 930 easy because they do things
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  pretty very late. So what are they doing for 7:00?
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  They're getting into this mode. It's that.
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  Wow, they're stagging. So they're doing some thinking I
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  could Casadine is that. They only have to hit the item
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  that show or they do the Shema before you hit that.
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  All right, so they have all different world in that zone
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  because they take differently, they play differently, they take
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  it to an extreme, but their mindset is that waiting and
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  preparing and having the right frame of mind is fundamental.
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  It's true when it comes to a daily act, but it's way more
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  important when it comes to making life decisions and
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  jumping into a good deed. Which means even though we like
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  to, like you said, iron hot, striving iron's hot, we like to
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  just jump in. We like to get excited.
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  The motive may not be really real when it comes from that and
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  it's something to think about. I know I made a couple of big
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  decisions in my life, fast ones to teach when I went to teach
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  once and then teach again. And I made them fast and I made
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  them based on a certain perspective that I thought
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  existed, a certain imagination, which was not reality,
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  completely not reality. I'm going to do this and then do
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  that, teach you boys this way and that way.
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  I remember when I first got that job and I called up the person
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  who hired me and I said, what kind of books should I get for
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  this class? I'm talking about buying certain
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  books because I'm thinking the class is going to be some sort
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  of, you know, amazing class. So we're going to buy special
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  books for each kid. And the person that basically
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  started to laugh at me is like, I, I don't think you need those
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  books for this class. I'm like one second I thought I
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  took this job. I thought it's like, you know,
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  until I imagine all the boys are going to buy in.
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  They can all be excited. They're going to learn in depth.
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  And I come there and the entire task really is how do you
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  discipline, right? How do you make enough jokes to
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  keep them interested and to keep them on and all those different
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  side elements? I don't blame the actual job.
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  And that's because I wasn't prepared.
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  I didn't think through what the job was going to mean.
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  I did the job probably about this time, maybe a couple days
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  later, like August 25th for the new school year.
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  So you jump in without thinking. It's true.
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  You will make those certain types of mistakes.
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  Now what do you do with the fact that motivation is key and and
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  striking with art as hot as key? I mean you just say it's
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  important. True, but that will not lead to
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  the real outcome. That's the point.
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  As we use words inside the bottom 3 lines in the bottom of
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  Elia is me not small. Love that body.
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  Prepare yourself for something and organize your mind.
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  Be Mattoon with real contemplation, Ajit Kanesh bit
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  ponenut until you reach a zone where you're thinking something
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  totally through Vazit ponen and then think Maulda lazot, what am
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  I about to do? We'll defend me all the classes.
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  And who am I doing this for? For Hashem?
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  Shall he be consoled by you, Nazed?
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  Once a person analyzes Carlo, it's much easier.
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  Shia sleek Malav removed from himself hapriut, Pakistani
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  yachts, the side motivations, Vigva Bevo, an implant in his
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  heart, the real intention, the real motor, as we mentioned
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  before. And you'll find people that were
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  called the Hassidim Rishonim, the original Hassidim.
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  They don't look anything like our Hassidim, but they were
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  titled the same title, Hassidim Mishonim, the original ones.
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  How you show him Shahad? According to the time, they
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  would wait an hour before praying and then they would
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  pray. Why could they should have new
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  libam la Macomb so that they can organize their mind to Hashem
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  Obavada. Let's be clear, they weren't
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  wasting their time during that hour.
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  They were contemplating Omar Khanim Libaum and straining
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  their hearts, preparing their hearts to think about what am I
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  about to do? It's all about, by the way, this
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  whole motive concept is just think about the thing itself.
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  What am I about to do? I'm about to pray.
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  That means talk to God. That's the whole deal.
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  Think about that and that and only that 995 other things right
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  I'm about to get involved. Like I said, I'm I want to help
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  a family that means a why my? Brain.
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  Once you think about what you're doing, the why will be the what,
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  which is if I think what am I doing, I'm helping a family,
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  that'll be the why as well. If I think what am I doing, I'm
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  about to teach. OK, I'm teaching.
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  I'm not, you know, creating friends or creating a fundraiser
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  or screening some other relationships.
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  I'm just teaching and that's my motive that I will teach.
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  If you know what you're doing, you're why will be much pure.
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  It will be for the sake of it. Everything that we do has God
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  related to it. Anything you do to the Jew, the
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  what really is also the what think of anything you do the
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  goal and you just do it. Pray, learn charity other has
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  said talking to people give me others advice, raising your
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  children, working in business, whatever it is in life, the what
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  is always why as well. I am doing.
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  Why am I doing this to do it. I'm learning, but I shouldn't
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  learn. I'm praying 'cause I should
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  pray. We're just talking to God.
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  So you learn in the morning before you pray.
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  Is that a preparation towards prayer?
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  You feel really. That's funny thing in halacha
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  person should not really learn before they pray.
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  That's we all pray first. Yeah, you look throughout the
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  whole community, it's done, it's done.
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  The reason it's done is because it's hard to get people to
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  really learn after they pray. And even if you get them to
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  stay, the mindset won't be in it.
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  So that's the concept. That's the concept, but I
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  decided a number of years ago that you can piggyback this
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  concept as well, which is if a person rushes into prayer, their
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  frame of mind, especially now, a community frame of mind is fast.
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  And if it's fast, it's not really settled until halfway
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  through to FEMA. If you came to shul 1/2 hour, 40
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  minutes early, wherever it is, and you're already in a settled
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  zone, your home is behind you, your work hopefully is behind
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  you, and different things are behind you, and now you're in.
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  You're comfortable here. Once you get to that, that is
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  the equivalent of preparing for prayer.
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  It's not really that the original 1 was.
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  They just thought about Hashem and Hashem and Hashem.
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  That was those days, Our days. We're not doing that, you and I,
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  we were thinking about something else.
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  If I. Disconnect from this and.
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  That helps you and also you also start to learn, which is also
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  something that is connected to God.
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  The issue with that would be when a person learns too much
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  before they pray, they get too involved in their learning and.
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  Forgetting about. The and then forget about the
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  pray. That's the concern.
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  But when I that's be exactly someone that gets up and gets
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  fidgety to push us to prayer. And that's the concept, right?
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  So the goal of having preparation is to think about
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  what am I doing? And once you think of what
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  you're doing, it'll be genuine. That's the one I'd say, and also
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  OK. Prey becomes like automatic
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  pilot and like you say like 'cause you 'cause like you come
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  in every day, you hear the word, you can hear the head that you
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  don't even need the C door you because it's like it's like what
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  about live deal a song? You know every word 'cause you
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  hear it 1000 times, but at the end of the day, are you really
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  like you say, focus on the prayer.
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  Court, that's part of the concern and the need to prepare
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  because prepare allows you to recognize what you're doing and
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  see it as a significant. The problem with the appoint
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  exactly the problem with routine is because is that subconscious
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  in our body and our mind. This is nothing special.
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  It's just automatic and long will be nothing special.
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  That means I don't really wake up for it right?
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  We wake up for strangers, we don't wake up for our family
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  naturally we wake up for a change in routine.
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  We don't wake up for a routine. It's all the same thing because
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  routine those are you close to the scenarios that are always
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  the same. They're not really special and
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  subconscious is not special and therefore I don't see anything.
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  I forget what happened, right. A person, if you would build in
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  a summer routine and those for my kids, if they have my kids
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  have a summer routine every Sunday and they go to pizza and
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  they go to swimming and then and now if you asked them at the end
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  of the summer, they love the summer.
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  I'm sure they say they will hopefully.
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  But do they remember any specific Sunday?
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  No, because every Sunday looks the same, pretty much, right?
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  But if they went one time to a CERN ice cream store, that was
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  different. That one stands out.
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  And it's actually, by the way, an important thing to know when
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  you're spending money on your children.
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  You know you're taking them on intercession.
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  If they go every year to the same place, that's a good
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  chance, and after 20 years they won't really stand at each one.
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  That doesn't mean you got to now go and find a news about every
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  year. Maybe you're OK with just giving
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  them a good time and that's it. Not memories, but memories come
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  from change. And the same thing is shooting
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  comes to waking up. Waking up, a good point, right?
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  It's same idea. You're not.
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  Having anything you're doing like.
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  It has to have a freshness to it and that's actually at the point
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  of thinking how you're going to go now, to soon, going to go to
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  the low, going to go to the new month.
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  So they hold all these things and when we work on, and I'll
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  mind work on change and development.
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  One of the worst things is that after a number of years, you
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  become numb to it, as I do. I remember in the early days
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  when I was in the Shiva and things like this this month
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  coming up was something that you were like you really woke up for
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  talking about. They didn't even have.
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  They just had intense. It probably had, if I remember,
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  a double moussard. See, now you're doing this twice
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  a day. Yeah.
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  There was no talking. There was no breaks.
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  It was intense and you woke up for it.
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  Your learning was better, your mindset was better at the end of
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  a loo. I see this every year if F the
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  Yom Kippur. If she was stayed in session, I
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  believed Mashiach would have came because it was such a high
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  and development. Of course, the whole to that
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  world, what happens? They go home right up the own
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  Kibo. So now you're going home, you're
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  doing your thing and you're relaxing and it's over.
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  But the truth is you're building in.
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  But now, if right now I'm now, I don't know, 25 years into the
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  Shiva system, by now I'm numb to Elu.
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  I wake up to Elu. It sounds like, OK, I actually
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  want to not hear when they give me the musabah Elu and these
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  things. I don't want to hear it again if
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  the colony I knew try to start. And it's like that in every
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  single situation, you have to have a freshness, otherwise it
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  becomes stale. And the staleness comes from a
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  routine that seems like it's significant.
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  That's how why everything in life leads to preparation,
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  contemplation. What am I doing?
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  What's happening? I'm spending another day on my
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  kids, I'm spending Shabbat home. Special thing, we all know when
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  we miss it, we want it. So therefore, when we have it,
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  let's take it. And it's true with every single
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  act in our life. If you recognize what it is, the
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  routine items are really the most beautiful.
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  I told you before the changes are the ones that have any
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  memories, but that's not because they were more powerful or more
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  impactful or maybe more expensive.
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  No, they were just different because when they stand out, you
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  space in on it. The goal is to space in our life
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  and to recognize every single thing that we do.
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  It shouldn't be fresh because it is fresh and it is special and
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  it is. You know that concept that we
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  wake up for strangers more than wake up for families?
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  Surprisingly shocking. It's ridiculous.
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  Why would you wake up for a stranger more than you do for a
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  family family? What does that mean?
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  That means that you space in more when you have a
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  conversation. Do you do that for random
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  conversation? Today you have a conversation
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  with your wife or your kids. You space in but somewhat
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  conversation with a friend you haven't seen in 10 years.
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  You're all in, every word you're taking in.
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  Why is it the case? Should be the opposite, right?
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  Kid, I'll tell you from experience.
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  So kids are a challenge because it's the IT becomes the emotion
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  in the deal. I'll tell you just myself over
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  the last decade, 13 is that my grandchildren, I have a
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  different approach because I can have a guarded approach, yes.
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  Yes, kids are hotter. They make sure Jack.
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  Kids are grandchildren were a piece of cake.
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  Yes, yes, that's pretty yes, 1000% right so that to you, hey
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  yeah, you can say also, but this mindset is that having you she's
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  over from your family itself, remember of your media family
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  and you're talking to them, you're a little bit looking over
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  them naturally, because the conversation's just another one.
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  What's going to happen here? What's going to be fresh over
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  here? Nothing.
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  And the reality is this is a connection to someone who
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  matters in your life, someone whom you matter in their life,
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  whom you can change, who listen to you, who are related to you
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  lifetime of connection there. Whereas a friend skew most
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  friends in general or say this is a complete generality of most
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  friends in general. They're nice to have.
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  They don't play a major role in your life.
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  They're good to have the connections, they're great, but
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  they don't pay at all level of a role on your family place, They
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  should be on a scale of 1 to 10. It should be a 10 when it comes
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  to the last one. So it compares to your family.
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  And the reality is we wake up much more with our family and
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  that's because freshness wakes us up and routine does not.
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  The job is that whatever we're doing, wake up before you do it.
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  Think about it before you're doing every single thing.
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  That's part of our routine because they admit is, like we
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  said with family, it's true. With everything in our routine,
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  the things that became part of our routine are more impactful,
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  right? People love, I'll give you a
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  side point. People love Siglot and they love
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  a chance to see your rabbi. Great.
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  They love doing something that's once every 28 years.
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  We got the hammer they get. They wake up for those moments.
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  I understand that. The reality is, if you wake up
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  to see your rabbi every day, your rabbi, you should enjoy the
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  regular situations of life, not the sukul law that stand up, not
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  the sukul law that come in solar eclipse of their regular life.
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  Because regular life is part of your routine.
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  God made that part of your regular life because he believes
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  that this is what make you grow much more than mikata Kama.
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  Yeah, exactly. The common and the uncommon.
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  The common myths thought, are more impactful.
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  We wake up for the seasonal ones, we should wake up for the
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  regular ones. Random Shabbat.
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  Is more important than your kippur.
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  Yes, in a certain sense and the reality is a certain sense.
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  The reality is when do people grow?
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  Goes with this. When do people grow?
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  People think and they grow by the 11 and a year items or the
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  once a month things. You grow for the Tuesdays in
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  January, that's when you grow. If you make your whole life,
• 19:56
  Tuesdays in January is great. If you make a deal in the summer
• 19:59
  into a routine like Tuesdays and January's, call it covered.
• 20:03
  But a person grows from the Tuesdays and January because
• 20:05
  those are the regular days or the regular routine.
• 20:08
  Routine. Nothing fresh at all.
• 20:10
  You wake up, it's cold outside, it's boring outside, there's
• 20:14
  nothing special going on, but your routine is going on.
• 20:17
  Wake up, you learn, you prayed, you learnt again.
• 20:21
  You thought you were in the right zone.
• 20:24
  So your family, he went to work and he came home.
• 20:27
  He did. You think you spoke to someone
• 20:29
  and you learned. You probably gave one person
• 20:31
  advice, gave a little money to charity.
• 20:33
  You're right. You went to the assistant and
• 20:36
  that builds a person. I'm telling you, people think
• 20:40
  when did that person become great to try to pinpoint the
• 20:42
  time? The answer is you follow his
• 20:43
  whole life. You'll not, you will not find
• 20:46
  the moment. If he's a real great person,
• 20:48
  there is no moment. There's no.
• 20:51
  It was moving, it was changing. Exactly how do you change a
• 20:54
  million cuts 1,000,000 routines, 1,000,000 little million in the
• 20:58
  building blocks. That's how it works.
• 21:00
  That's. How I like is there a is there a
• 21:02
  frayer for change? Is there a frayer?
• 21:04
  In other words, no Say I want to do this, I want to get
• 21:06
  fractured. I want to do that.
• 21:08
  I want to do in business whatever I wanted my kid.
• 21:11
  Is there like a pre empt deal that I sham or just scream out
• 21:14
  in your own language? So a lot of people use is the
• 21:17
  sham Hashem Nah 7 that's Leah may have Hashem.
• 21:22
  I'll do this and I'll succeed. The reason I use that line is
• 21:24
  because once I bring Hashem into the picture.
• 21:27
  You're locked. You're locked.
• 21:28
  You're doing everything. I reuse it.
• 21:29
  And then you got much more Howard to it.
• 21:31
  That's the idea. OK.
• 21:32
  Like if I get up to give a speech and I'm nervous, probably
• 21:35
  under my breath somewhere, that line is supposed to be there.
• 21:39
  Shame. My shame that sevens the legs
• 21:40
  shaking back and forth. I don't do that.
• 21:42
  It's our brothers.