Latest / FINE is a 4-Letter Word / 19. (S1E19) It's OK to Ask for Help with Joanne Thompson

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19. (S1E19) It's OK to Ask for Help with Joanne Thompson · FINE is a 4-Letter Word

0:04
Hello and welcome to Fine is a 4 Letter Word. My guest today
0:08
is Joanne Thompson, and I am eager to hear your story and have
0:12
you share your story with the... Fine is a 4 Letter Word audience.
0:16
Thank you for being here. Well, thank you for having me, Lori. I'm
0:19
excited to be here, definitely happy to share my story, 'cause if it
0:25
helps somebody else on that journey, then that'd be fantastic. I'm also
0:32
very excited because you have the honor of being my first guest
0:39
from the UK. Really? Yes, yeah, that you say first guest from outside
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the United States, but that's not true, 'cause I had somebody who
0:50
lives in the Bahamas. But first, I wanna thank you.
0:59
Let's start out with the question of how you were raised and what
1:05
were the beliefs that were instilled in you as you were growing up
1:10
that contributed to making you who you've become.
1:15
Oh, that's a really good question. Beliefs, so many isn't the...
1:20
There's so many that you grow up because of what society is telling
1:24
you, because when your favorite teacher school tells you what your parent
1:29
is telling you, and it's hard to make your own mind up about
1:33
things, so there is definitely... We grow with a lot of unconscious bias
1:38
as it were, that you're not aware of until you start getting a
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little bit older, I think it's one of the key beliefs,
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I think was you work hard. You'll do well in life.
1:53
So just keep working hard. And I do think that's true,
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but there's also something about work hard, but also be intentional about
2:04
how you work and work smart, just keep working and stocking your guts
2:09
out all the time to get somewhere, because
2:12
not everybody will recognize or appreciate all the hard work. So you need
2:20
to find the people that do. And that's what I've learned over my
2:25
career. Working career is now, I've always worked hard, I've always been
2:28
proud of the job that I've got and
2:33
how I perform, but that didn't always get noticed, so
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that was something that I wish I kind of had that insight a
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little bit as I was going along that
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it's not just about getting your head down,
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doing all the stuff and trying to get everything that you want that
2:53
way because... It's not quite like that. I do believe you have to
2:57
work for everything. I don't believe that it just gets handed to you
3:01
on a plate at probably some people are in that position and that's
3:05
fortunate for them, but not everybody. And if you want something,
3:08
you have to be determined on. You have to go out and get
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it. So I think that was really important
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growing up was I saw my step down, he worked all the hours,
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called SAN, we used to have a bar when I was younger,
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and he was a ridiculous o'clock three pin the morning at work,
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went home at 5, 40 or five work in the evening,
3:30
went to bed and I back up, and he did that for seven
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years. So that's where I learned that you just work hard to keep
3:38
working out, to keep working out it... Was he successful?
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So the business was reasonably successful, yeah, I mean, it kept a roof
3:46
of our heads and we had a reasonable lifestyle,
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but... Yeah, it was exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting. They couldn't
3:54
go away very much on holiday or anything like that,
4:00
we didn't have loads of savings in the bank for things if it
4:04
went wrong, we lived quite a fairly simple. Life, I suppose.
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But yeah, now I realized that actually, he really enjoyed and loved that,
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but he didn't pay particularly well what... He did work incredibly hard
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and he was very good at it. So yes, that's one of the
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key things that I've learned really. And I think
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some of the other beliefs I grew with were more around
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women are more... Service of the men in their lives. So she worked
4:45
in the shop, she worked at the big mariners, which I'm hoping you
4:50
all know over in the season, she worked there and she didn't have
4:56
any high level jobs, I was more of assistant jobs and things like
4:59
that. She wasn't career orientated. My sisters and I went to k through college
5:05
and did various different jobs in the self
5:09
measure industry and then... And you do working for the police as a
5:13
civilian support, so it was kind of... We, as we call it kind
5:21
of grew up with traditional beliefs that my mom cooked in an evening,
5:28
she did the washing, she's did the ironing, my grandma in the same...
5:33
As we were all there to look after the many and olives and
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they went out to work, and I kind of ended up in a
5:40
group of friends that was like, No, we're not doing that.
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There's Martian this... No, I wasn't particularly interested in kids or
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I just want it in on work, I just loved working and whether
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that's because as I work when I was 11 when we had the
5:56
show, and it started giving me funds, not very many funds,
6:00
but you know, I like it, a little bit of independence and I
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just thought. I saw these things out in the world that I wanted
6:07
to do and then see... And I thought, I need, I need money,
6:11
so I need to go out and do something. Yeah. So then once
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you decided that's what you wanted to do, you didn't wanna just be
6:19
in a support role, that you wanted to actually have a career,
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we talked about you trained as an accountant. Yeah. How did you choose
6:29
that? Was that your first choice? Well, you know,
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originally, I wanted to work in a bank 'cause
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I remember telling me my grandma, I am always working on Bank and
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I was obsessed, we count in my pocket money, I don't know why,
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and I used to lend my system on
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Yarrow kind of... I wanted to work in a bank, and I actually
6:55
do some work experience with school in a booths where I was intended
7:00
to go, but I think I was influenced by some friends at school
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and they were so old, if you like our numbers working as you
7:07
think raccoon, so that's why I ended up doing endurance University,
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got a degree in accountancy and business, and they went on to do
7:17
professional accounts, but I went on to work in a building society,
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which is so now similar to a bank,
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and then I always work... Then I worked in a bank,
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so I did that by the day as an accountant, not as...
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So anybody coming really on the... In the shops, all in the shop
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front of ing, but I was still counting... I'm still counting money,
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I was still putting tadpoles in the market, I was settling the tits
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of deposit and things like that, in the back of ASEAN,
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I was doing banking and making a million pounds worth of transport transfers,
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500 million pound transfer sometimes. So I kind of really liked that I
7:57
was really excited by it for the money, but not necessarily any laws
8:03
on one, but... Yeah, really? But. You were working with it.
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I was working with that, I was working with numbers, which are a
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enjoying... So yeah, so I was very intentional about
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where I chose to do... Start working. Yeah, and
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when we did our conversation beforehand, you were talking about
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some of the difficulties of working in that industry because it was so
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male dominated, to... Tell us a little bit about that.
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Where do I start with that? Or. Did you realize that before you
8:39
went into it, was it something that showed up... How quickly did you
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realize, Hey, I'm not... I'm the minority here.
8:49
Yeah, when I worked in the kind of... I worked in the Treasury
8:53
Department, so I worked in the back office to start with,
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and there were some women in there and that was okay,
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and we're all doing a really decent jobs,
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but the traders, they were out at the front desk,
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and it wasn't until... We had a young trader that came in and
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he only just dry it and he was training really, and
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we had to get a delivery to them is really early in the
9:17
morning so they could make their decisions on what they were gonna invest
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in boosting and I went in and the systems were down,
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we have real problems, and honestly, we were working like crazy to get...
9:29
'cause we knew the importance of it, and I went out and sat...
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I've got the numbers, this is why he... I think he said went
9:35
out and explained it all, and he just, he just... He just,
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uh, you just such an idea. This is why an earth had you
9:42
been so late with all this, you've lost me a deal,
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you get... And he started kind of leaning to me and I was...
9:49
I was thinking, Oh, I felt really hard here, we've all been in
9:53
that office trying to get these ones out with no in pati don't
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need you. Who was probably a similar age to me, but you were
10:02
into the department giving me a hard time for this,
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and I was just like... And then you kind of get the others,
10:11
you see all the men behaving in the office and you think,
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I don't really like that. I don't really kind of...
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They all seem to have the most... Any positions,
10:21
they kind of taught down to women a lot, the protein tension ally,
10:27
some of them would have be flotation, should I say.
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And I wasn't used to that either, I didn't come from a touchy
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feely family are... We weren't big hog on homes and stuff like that,
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so it was kind of sometimes there were in your personal space,
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and I did like that either... And as I progress working through the
10:48
bank and things like that, it wasn't as transporting the bank for work
10:51
when I moved into the insurance industry and the final person within there,
10:56
it became even more transparent, and even though companies have got these
11:02
policies in place nowadays to try and combat
11:07
sexism and treat people in fairly and things like that, it's still happening,
11:11
and I'm still going stories... Sure comments that are made, which are really
11:16
kind of truly a one girl who worked on Mahesh said,
11:23
I'm going... I'm a marinated is great, rather you going on honeymoon when
11:31
you do a dot a AMES him, she saw worked to me on
11:34
the Women's Network I was helping to run at that point when I
11:38
first joined, and she said that... She says, You hemodialysis really positive
11:43
because my boss has just said to me, Oh,
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now you're gonna get married, you're gonna go off and have children,
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then you're gonna wanna come back and work part time and learn all
11:53
the rest of us have to work even harder because you want to
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have your cane... Wow, niketas. Crazy. Yeah. All this sensitivity training.
12:06
Obviously not making a difference. No, definitely not. And she did...
12:11
The funny thing is just I don't even know if I have an
12:13
advocate. If you'd say that, and I couldn't have kids.
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And how annoying with that being, how upsetting with that being.
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And then... And then more recently, I just... Some of
12:27
the language that used, some of the big decisions sometimes are taken out
12:32
of meetings and done behind closed doors, so you get into a meeting,
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you think you've got a chance to say your opinion and the disease
12:38
now are being taken... You get people particularly clear in who are very
12:44
competitive, and it's all about the status, so I was all about the
12:48
next role, it's not about... They want a team that worked well for
12:53
them to get them their next move, and I just seen that so
12:57
many times and he's just disappointing. There's just so many things
13:05
that in this day and age now, I expect...
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He kind of because of... No, I started 28 years ago in the
13:14
banking industry, and he kind of think, Yeah, but no,
13:18
I'm still seeing that now, I'm still hearing stories from people that that
13:21
Ely now just should... People are not getting fair cans in the workplace
13:29
to have their life they want, and so I'm seeing... We mean shut
13:32
down. I'm seeing women believe that they can't do things, not allowed to
13:36
do things, that they need permission to just ask for some basic rest
13:45
men of goal. And it's interesting that this is still going on
13:53
in this, in 2021, that women still need to or
13:58
feel like they need to ask permission, that they need to
14:05
work. Again, going back to your thing, you learned about working harder
14:10
to prove themselves, but they're still not being invited to the secret meetings,
14:16
they're still not getting to have the input
14:19
that they need to be having, and it's to the detriment of the
14:23
companies, but the companies don't even see how much better they could do
14:28
if they had everyone at the table contributing.
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Yeah, so we were talking to about how you work, so you took
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this, I need to work hard theory and applied it, and it still
14:43
didn't yield you what you wanted, what you would have expected from the
14:49
work that you were doing. And then you had also told me about
14:52
something, so you were working hard even when your health was at risk...
14:59
Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I worked in a department where it was a
15:05
daily operation and I managed a lot of systems and we invariably had
15:09
lots and lots of problems with them, so even there, I decided to...
15:15
I went back for full time after my second child to a new
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company to Incheon. I decided, eventually, I asked if I could have flexi
15:26
time. Could I work four days? And I ended up working five days
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and four, and then on the Friday where I didn't work because the
15:34
systems were so problematic, I was constantly on the phone because I was
15:37
the manager, I was kind of constantly on the far to
15:40
the IT department asking them to fix things, I was constantly trying to
15:44
help the team figure out how to solve the problems I worked weekends
15:49
because we have to do all our system upgrade on a weekend,
15:53
and then I was kind of... I got to Pinter, I wanted to
15:57
kind of to... This is a... I don't feel great, I don't feel
16:02
fantastic. I kept going to... My home life was really busy,
16:06
my husband, I was on shift, two girls, one swim all the time,
16:10
so I was constantly... And two dogs and constantly backwards and forwards,
16:15
working really hard at work and working really hard at home,
16:17
because sometimes my husband wasn't even there two nights a week,
16:21
so I had all that to manage as well, I'd be
16:24
expected to be in a halfway in the morning in elevation it.
16:30
So it was just cater and then I suffered a Colombian,
16:34
so I looked at on the long... I ended up in hospital for
16:39
nine days, I think... To me, I've got three months to get out
16:43
of it. And I have never been so scared in all my life,
16:48
I never... I just... It was just awful. The whole thing,
16:52
I was having aventine, I was having a moment where
16:57
I didn't know where I was. And this happened
17:01
while my husband was driving, I was home, it kicked in over the
17:07
weekend, so I said, getting pain in my chest, and we were a
17:09
campaign, but we brought my mom's car of an touring caravans that was...
17:15
So we had the Carillon the back, we have two dogs in the
17:17
back, out to young kids in the back, and we were driving home
17:21
and I am... My arms were going everywhere, I was type of ventilating,
17:25
my husband work, can we just get home and just drop everything that
17:29
I'll try and start something out... Understand, we know what was going on.
17:33
I didn't know why I was doing this, it was just so weird.
17:36
And anyway, Evangeline up in hospital for 10 days
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and that I went through a stage of not wanting to sleep for
17:44
six months because I was scared that I would die, I find Belle
17:49
and then... And then after six months, I enable to get to sleep
17:53
when I was... So I have a... Sure. Over time, I just...
17:56
A time you just leave. Now, I couldn't sleep.
18:00
So yeah, that was the first of real ski of my health though.
18:05
So that was a warning sign your body was given a...
18:08
Yeah, yeah, definitely. But you still didn't even pay attention to it,
18:12
I mean, you did, but you didn't... 'cause you said you were still
18:16
working, even though your doctor said You're not supposed to work as many
18:20
hours and you're like, Okay, but I have to...
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And I did, because my value of my self worth was in my
18:29
job, I felt... There you go. Yeah, I love them. It's not the
18:34
case, and I blend it the hard way, and that took me a
18:36
long time to see that, but I thought
18:39
my role in life was to do these jobs and to do them
18:42
really well, and that that was a value.
18:47
But when I started to really... I was learning motor, I was learning
18:51
tons and you know, and he was a tough job,
18:55
but I did decide, I actually wrote myself out of the
18:59
job structure because I carried on and then I just got to the
19:04
state... I just thought, I know what, I can't do this.
19:06
And this was a sign, this means I need to do something different.
19:11
So we were having and restructuring the department, and I wrote my job
19:13
out of it, I redesigned the structure to their department, and I just
19:18
said no to my boss, I'm taking my role out, and they were
19:21
like, Oh well, I even on. So maybe you wanna do apply for
19:26
the head of the whole department, and I was like,
19:30
No, when you see that's an opportunity, they... Iteration is an end thought,
19:37
I kinda look back and... Do you know what? He's just not worth
19:40
it, it's not worth it. Because I knew I'd be back to five
19:44
days a week, I'd be working longer hours, I'd be
19:48
everybody... We weren't a popular department because I've called breaches
19:53
and all sorts of problems, and I was like, You know...
19:58
I just not worth that. So I did, so I wrote myself out
20:03
and I mostly got a job doing project management stuff,
20:07
which I actually loved, but again, it was fine, it was fine.
20:15
One was aside what? Moving wasn't upward. So I had that battle between
20:21
taking a job that was not stressful, it could be stressful,
20:26
but not in the same way, not demanding in the same way,
20:30
but I wasn't getting that promotion, so it was really kind of...
20:34
I did have these railings between health and
20:38
less stress and time that I enjoyed and getting that promotion,
20:43
but I took the other option and I actually loved doing that work,
20:48
but I was still always feeling like how
20:51
to move up somehow. So again, I would start to work hard,
20:55
but a little bit smaller, a little bit Math, doing something I enjoy.
20:59
Well. Fast forward to the moment when you decided, I'm tired of living
21:05
with everything just being fine, and you had shared with me also that
21:10
moment when you were standing in your office looking around going,
21:14
Is this... It is this way, I don't wanna do this for the
21:17
next 10. And from the job I just talked about, I probably...
21:23
That's probably another seven years on wards when I had that moment,
21:27
so I carried on doing this job, so we kept getting the structured...
21:30
I thought I was getting that promotion and it kept getting taken away,
21:34
I then got a mentor and a coach and thought, I need to
21:37
do something different, I'm not getting anywhere. The guy, I had a conversation
21:42
with my manager and he said, there's no place for you in this
21:45
department, and I was like, I work in painting the contenders,
21:51
I can do your job, and then I...
21:53
That's the problem. That's the problem. I can do your job and I
21:56
went, there is a place I just put your sign in,
22:00
and I was like... I was like, I almost cheering my head of
22:04
it, and he was like, Yeah, I'm not going anywhere,
22:08
and I... I... That's me, I need to move, I need to move.
22:11
So I wanna get another job. I worked a bit in London,
22:15
again, it was a a transformation type project management role, and I really
22:19
enjoyed that and I worked with better people,
22:22
but then we came back and I was back up to York,
22:25
which was where I kind of just let... Outside the York,
22:27
and I was looking across the office and
22:30
the job was changing again, this management team was changing again,
22:34
and it was not put on a hoodie, had so many health issues
22:39
on and off in the last 10 years, operations and base of the
22:43
things and I thought, as you see, it's really what I got for
22:46
the next 20 years. It, you know, I don't want this,
22:50
just don't on this at the Ben Hankin after the
22:54
wanting at a promotion for so long, and then I just have this
22:59
moment, this now I'm sick, I don't wanna play the politics,
23:02
I don't wanna play the games that you have to play,
23:05
to get on, I don't wanna be nice to people I don't respect
23:09
and like, I don't wanna work with people who are driving me up,
23:13
I don't wanna be kept in a position that...
23:16
They know I do a good job. A safe pair of hands.
23:19
I get the job done and I get it done well.
23:22
I'm bad than this and I'm worth more than this,
23:27
and I really wanted to make a difference
23:30
more directly with people, I've always managed teams and develop teams,
23:34
but some of my ideas in teams, the bosses that I've had,
23:38
it all been a bit... We can't do that.
23:40
No work. Wright's not how we do things here. But not how we
23:44
do things here. So I just have the freedom to be creative
23:49
and half full and all the rest of the things that I wanted
23:52
to do and that I was really looking forward to doing,
23:55
and I just... I just cannot be in this... What, I need to
23:58
think differently, I need to do something different.
24:01
Did you know what that was? Or did you just know,
24:06
this isn't it? I don't know what it is, but it's not this,
24:11
or did you actually have an idea of,
24:13
This is where I want to go, this is what I would like
24:17
better. And how did you get there? But a few years,
24:20
I didn't know what I wanted to do and I was kind of,
24:22
Oh, how am I gonna do... Have accounts have on change management and
24:26
finance a buyer, I've done so many different things and I thought I
24:30
Dione, and I was racking my brains, and then
24:34
they put us on a course where they introduced coaching and I thought,
24:38
Oh, I did this about 10 years ago, I did some of this
24:40
10 years and I really loved it, and
24:43
doing the case... And he was only a couple of days.
24:45
I kind of thought, this is why I love, I really enjoy this.
24:48
And I was also a chair, so I moved up to chairing the
24:51
women's network, it was about 30 people, and I came out of one
24:56
of the sessions and we Diane and it was so fun,
24:59
I could hear the rolling good or thought was... That was great.
25:01
I really enjoyed that. We don't normally get anything like that,
25:04
the surge that they... They were even put these things on post,
25:09
and I was like, I just Toronto one of colitis every day,
25:12
you know, and I kind of didn't think about it at the time,
25:16
but then when I was at... In these coaching sessions on this training
25:20
cost, I was like... I had that, I had that penetrated.
25:25
Why do they want pasta? You weren't really yet.
25:29
You possibly a ready yet, and he was like, You've trained so hard
25:32
to be an accountant, you do three years of exams and all the
25:35
rest of it, and he was like... Can I just think,
25:37
Oh, I don't wanna give that up. And it was almost like
25:40
that sense of loss, like... But then I sort of realized that actually
25:44
that whole... That whole thing of studying and took me to where I
25:49
am now and... Exactly. Now, I can even like, sure, is purpose for
25:55
20 years in my life. Now, I've got a different purpose,
25:58
so I wanna make a difference for these... We mean,
26:02
we have Lancing as well, who want to
26:07
be the best that they can be, they want to get ahead in
26:10
life, they wanna live a life of their choosing, and you have to
26:14
put up with somebody else, his version of what their life should be...
26:20
Right, you kind of did. For all those years. I did.
26:24
For all. The... Yeah, and I can understand to where you're coming from
26:28
and being hesitant to want to let go of that because it's history,
26:34
it's safe, it almost feels like, Well, I don't wanna throw out those
26:38
past 25 years, invested so much of myself in them,
26:43
but then turning it around the way you're saying, looking at it and
26:46
saying, Okay, it's not really throwing it away, it's contributed to helping
26:50
me get to where I am today, I can build on that,
26:54
but build in a different direction. Definitely. And I'm using all the skills
26:58
I've learned in my new business now as well,
27:02
but the coach, it was the people, it was the development,
27:05
and it was also the inequalities that I've seen over my career that
27:08
we mean, I'm hearing... As some of my clients, when I'm coaching them
27:12
and some of the stories they come with,
27:15
I'm just the green, we need to do more, I need to help
27:18
these people because they're brilliant people, they're very capable,
27:23
they've just lost their way a little bit and they've lost their confidence
27:27
and we need to help them. I need to help him find that
27:30
because if I can make a change, and I have...
27:36
I suppose, yeah, sometimes people say it is a really big change,
27:40
and I think all is a really big change. But I suppose it
27:43
eave left. I went a very well paid copper, a job where I
27:47
got bonuses and pensions and discos on products, and
27:52
I was a senior manager, and he's kind of a recall that security.
27:59
And the security for my family. And I just kind of walked away
28:03
from it to sit on my own business because the purpose of seeing
28:09
these people and knowing that they can be...
28:13
And half what they're on, if they're just willing to spend a little
28:17
bit of time on themselves figuring it out... Or I can help them
28:21
do that, and then they can kind of go, What? Do you know
28:24
what I know? I know what decisions I need to make now.
28:28
I'm gonna take them because I've seen how it can be,
28:31
I've realized I can do more, I realized I'm Carl of having a
28:35
life that I'm interested in that serves me, says My family,
28:39
and doesn't put me into all this tree, it is not dictated to
28:42
me by somebody else, and therefore... That's that to me, if I can
28:49
help people do that. That's like, No, I'm fulfilled in that way.
28:55
And I think the full file, it was why I was missing...
29:00
I mean, I was helping up. Yes, I turned system done.
29:02
Yes, I don't have a project. It was the people side that I
29:06
was missing, the teams... Yeah, one of our teams are my staff,
29:11
but he was just something I wanted to do something a little bit
29:15
more life changing for people. Right, you weren't touching people necessarily
29:20
individually in such an impactful way and showing them the possibilities
29:26
of what could be... And going back again to in part,
29:31
because it sounds like you were working for
29:34
managers and companies that weren't open to possibilities, they were only
29:39
open or they were only seeing what we have always done
29:45
and not open to what we could do.
29:47
Yeah, and as always, the wears, the cost thing I was comes in,
29:52
it's all a save money, so that it goes ahead of
29:57
a lot of things we do wrong, some of these companies have brilliant
29:59
policies, and some people have done really well in the... But some of
30:04
them are more willing to kind of take the root that is expected
30:08
of them, rather the room, they want to take...
30:14
Everybody said, Do you go Yates devil, you know? The handy guy.
30:18
That's how you're seeing. Yeah, and then you weren't willing to do that
30:22
anymore, I. Definitely... No, I just thought, No, this is life for...
30:29
And going out and enjoying, I lost my best. One of my best
30:32
finds is she... She was 48, I lost my dad in he's Halpin,
30:37
and I'm like, No, you've got to take control of your own mind,
30:42
you've got to kind of stop waiting for somebody else to
30:47
help you out if you got... Be clear about who you are,
30:51
what you want, and then get a part to get it,
30:55
that's where you support comes in, as well as right now,
30:59
who you are as well, 'cause a lot of people, we also then
31:02
go, I don't know what my skills are an almost so,
31:04
I don't know, and it's because we're so bombarded, we... Managers and other
31:08
people saying, Oh no, you haven't done that. Right. Or No,
31:11
that wasn't good. You know, I used to have a manager who used
31:14
to me some piece of work on how passed on an evening,
31:19
just as I was going out to do... He'd be really me,
31:22
cook in the morning, say, Have you done it yet? And you wanna
31:25
eat with... You mean full instructions on what to do, and I would
31:28
go, I'd be on the train platform, I'm saying Yes.
31:32
I'm only... I'm doing a happy rain bits on the train and getting...
31:35
Not finish it off, commit to him and. Then he read Penny.
31:38
I write all over it and go longlist, sat down with me.
31:42
Tell me what to eat you wanted, but
31:46
she's just not with her, and. This is how your life was going,
31:49
and you didn't think like, this isn't... This is crazy.
31:57
Once you can step back, and this is what you're doing with your
32:01
clients, and what I'm doing with my clients in the FBI fine program
32:06
is helping them step back and see what's going on
32:12
and hear that voice inside of them is that you listen to finally,
32:18
that was telling you what is your truth,
32:21
what is true for you, not what everybody else is telling you,
32:25
you should be doing or pursuing or whatever... What is your truth?
32:31
Yeah, my dad wasn't the most responsible person in the world,
32:35
but my mom was, and I think I kind of learned from her
32:40
that we have to be responsible, you have to make sure you know
32:44
you can pay your mortgage and your bills, and I was so responsible
32:48
all the time taking the responsible options, he is hard work in customs.
32:56
You have to make decisions that are not necessarily gonna make you happy,
33:02
and I think we all have to do that to some extent.
33:05
But when you're constantly doing that all the time, the cost of...
33:09
A little bit of fun, a little bit of
33:12
happiness. I didn't have the balance right? At all, that's all I meritocratic
33:19
ing who you are in order to be...
33:23
Yes, we want... 'cause I have that same tendency,
33:26
I'm very responsible sometimes to my own detriment because then I don't
33:31
do... I don't take time to have fun or relax
33:36
because I have to do all these things,
33:42
I don't see so many women like that now,
33:45
the responsibilities of a family and making things happen and just
33:51
living daily life is just so long. People just don't have that create
34:00
in that space to just like say, stand back and go.
34:03
It's just really well, and that's what happens though, is you just mentioned,
34:07
I think when we get to this point in our lives and our
34:10
parents are passing away, or our friends like you just mentioned,
34:14
your front 48, we start looking around and going, Alright, you know what?
34:18
There's not a lot of time here. I don't know how much time
34:22
I have left. And even if I have
34:26
25, 35, 40 more years, who knows? That's still... The past 40 years
34:32
have gone by so quickly. What are we doing? What do I want
34:38
to be doing? Like being intentional about how we spend that precious time,
34:43
'cause we all hear that time is short and
34:50
that we have to appreciate what you have, kind of thing.
34:56
But until you start seeing it firsthand. Now we hear it as
35:02
a latitude, but then when it's your friend, your parents, you're like,
35:07
Oh wait. Now it has meaning. Now I need to pay attention.
35:12
Yeah, definitely. We wanna at the blood book list,
35:18
and I was like... I started writing down and each year...
35:22
Well, I'm just generally on to it when I see it,
35:25
and trying to get more intentional again about the choices that I make,
35:30
you've only got so much time, you've only got so many resources and
35:34
funds and money and everything to do what you need to do.
35:37
I wanted to do... So we don't make decisions, and
35:42
I have this thing about not going back to same places,
35:45
I'll watch the same films over and over again, my husband can see
35:48
watch films, the same film about 17 times I like, No,
35:51
there's more life to experience a very much...
35:58
If I read it down, then I'm more likely to do it.
36:01
And there was one where he was like, I wanted to see a
36:03
Dowling concert, and I managed to get to kids, they were very expensive,
36:08
but I got to it and I spent the money that I'd say
36:11
on that, and I took my girls and my husband and we had
36:14
an absolutely amazing time. And that was so precious to share those moments
36:20
with my girls, that's worth so much more than having a fan or
36:24
car on the driveway or a huge house,
36:28
and you can... If we get caught up in this materialistic world,
36:34
if we need to have certain things to show who we are,
36:37
how well we've done what we've achieved, and actually it's about being content
36:42
and happy within yourself and those experiences. And I think the younger
36:47
ones now, my special... I mean, my daughter at one of...
36:48
My dad is 23, and she's all about the experience. She's like,
36:52
I wanna be... I don't wanna be tied down by a house and
36:55
the mortgage, I wanna go out and see life and see the world
36:58
and experience things and make memories, and I just think, Oh,
37:03
it... Goodness, I wish I'd been able to have that conversation with you
37:06
earlier 'cause I'm good for you. Yeah, but then I still get that,
37:11
Oh, you Shanthi. Oh, do you know that my old house coming...
37:15
Would that up all the time that we do? We do.
37:21
Yeah, yeah, it's just... And that's why I won, I wanna...
37:24
We talked a little bit about, I wanna do retreat in France for
37:29
me, my husband retired from the basic two years ago, I've started my
37:34
own business like share, we're now in a position where we've got so
37:38
much more freedom to make our choices to do what... When we want,
37:42
work with who we want and work how we want...
37:45
And that's something that we're working wattage there is to
37:49
try and find somewhere, go and live abroad, try something different,
37:54
try and let the language and it's all gonna be an experience in
37:58
the journey, and I think I just... If I didn't do it now,
38:02
I think I would regret it. So it's kind of trying to things
38:08
that excite you and bring you joy and they might bring you a
38:12
lot of pain as well, 'cause I'm sure moving to Francis not easy
38:15
and all the forms for the Indian language is gonna be really tough,
38:18
but you know if I don't do it, I don't know.
38:21
Well, if I don't try, I would know and there's nothing wrong,
38:24
I don't believe in the word failure either to agree. If it doesn't
38:28
work out, I've tried, I don't know how to go. Yeah,
38:31
I just move on to the next thing. What is the next tier
38:34
really love to try and enjoy and like because
38:38
now it's about the experiences, it's about sharing, sharing and making memories
38:42
with people that you love and have fun with.
38:47
Yeah. And living without regrets. So we hear about people not dying with
38:54
regrets, so you don't wanna die with regrets, but the only way you
38:57
don't die with regrets is to live without regrets,
39:01
it starts with living without regrets, so that you don't die with regrets.
39:06
And that's what we're talking about, and I love that. And
39:09
yeah, this is such a great place to end
39:13
our conversation, but before we go, what is your song... What is your
39:18
hype song that you listen to when you need an extra boost of
39:21
energy. So I listen to the point of sisters and I'm so excited.
39:27
And there's something about it that it's like, I'm so excited,
39:31
I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think
39:34
I like it. You know, and that's kind of that last line,
39:37
saw some zil is that I think I'm about to let go of
39:41
everything that might have been holding me back from really having a fulfilling
39:45
life, and I'm just gonna go for it and I'm just gonna try
39:48
it and I'm gonna see where it goes and fingers crossed it all
39:53
work out, and if it doesn't, I'll try something different, so...
39:56
I love it. That's a great attitude and I love that song.
39:59
'cause yeah, now it's in my head. And we'll put a link in
40:02
the show notes. Is there anything else that you would like to share
40:06
with the listeners about how they can get in touch with you,
40:10
what... Anything else? I have a website, so it's www, inching dot com.
40:20
So yeah, I'm on there, I'm on Instagram, I'm on
40:24
LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on all the social media platforms.
40:31
Yes, so just get in touch with me. I Japonica Ching dot com.
40:38
So yeah. We'll have links to all of that in the show notes
40:41
as well. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm Fine is
40:45
a 4 Letter Word. You are very welcome. Release here. Alright.