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Big Adult Energy: Stop Parenting From Fear · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another mini episode of the Let's Get Naked podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about Stop Parenting from Fear is the title of this one.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this one's a big ask.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting without fear.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Damn near spiritual warfare.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because fear is loud.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Feared fear says, what if they hate me?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: What if they're left out?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: What if I'm too strict?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: What if I mess them up?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the truth: Parenting from fear is the wrong move for everyone involved.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you parent from fear, you react.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: When you parent from clarity, you lead.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And leadership requires emotional regulation.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Count to 10.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Walk away.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Process your feelings before you make the call.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because your job is not to be liked, it's to be steady.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Stop letting your kids or their friends bully you into decisions you know aren't right.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you're making a parenting choice just so your child doesn't think you're mean, that's not leadership.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's insecurity in disguise.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But who's the parent here?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that means sometimes you hold the line while they roll their eyes.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about smartphones.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone has one.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: All my friends have one.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the only one without it.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we have data now.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: We see what's happening.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety, isolation, dopamine addiction, shortened attention spans.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Kids raised on iPads before they came.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, kids raised on iPads before they can form sentences.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Is anyone thrilled with the results?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then why are we still caving?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: A smartphone is not a toy, it's a portal.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And handing it to a child requires more thought than social pressure.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just because little Johnny says he needs one doesn't mean he does.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: But get them outside.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let them be bored.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let them build, imagine, scrape their knees, solve problems without Google.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Boredom builds brains.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Discomfort builds resilience.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Imagination builds intelligence.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Screens build dependency.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: We know this.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So let's grow up.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting from fear creates fragile kids.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting from steadiness creates capable adults.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need you to be cool.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: They need you to be clear.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hold the line.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: They'll thank you later.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm here with Casey, who has agreed to come chit-chat with me about these episodes.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels like we're just hitting the mark today.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I already had tears forming and looking at it.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's wild because I think so many people don't slow down long enough to think about it.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I'm not coming from judgment.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is a PSA announcement.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: My kids are already old enough and out of the house.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I thank God for that every day because the world that we continue to evolve into gets scarier and scarier for children.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you look around at fucking pedophiles and all of the shit that's happening in schools and the things that other people are trying to teach your children and like all of these things, if you're not prepared as an adult to raise your children from scratch without sending them to school, don't have kids.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Get real fucking curious about that because this is not an easy job.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're raising next generation of humans.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's scary, right?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not just like just because you can doesn't mean you should, right?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Coming from the smartphone, you know, perspective, Casey and I were talking about that before we started recording.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I have had people in my life who was like, okay, well, then what do I say?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because my kids are saying this and whatever.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, who's the adult in the equation, right?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like your kids and their friends who say that they need one.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Also, newsflash, they still sell flip phones.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't need to have a bunch of social media and a bunch of things that we have data.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: We have data, you guys.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have data points all over the place that say smartphones in young people, not good.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's not anything good about it, right?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: They compare, they numb out, they all of the things.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're just gonna they come out of the womb, here's your iPad, get in line.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Has anybody ever seen that?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: The escalator that goes to the to the herd?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's exactly what you're doing.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: You want to raise kids that way?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but open your eyes and know that that's exactly what you're doing when you do that.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't let kids in my house bully me, right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I got tired of watching people drag themselves through life half dead from exhaustion, comparison, and bullshit.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I built a system that flips the script.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: This book is for the ones who refuse to settle, who know deep down there's more, and who are ready to call themselves out to level up.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: If that's you, welcome.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can get your copy of the Life Hack Playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you say parenting out of fear, and my first thought is, okay, I should get Ryder a flip phone.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why the hell does he have a smartphone?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: But then my next thought is, but then he's gonna tell me, well, Dylan and Trevor didn't it?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Who gives a shit?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know, but these are like the thoughts that come through of like, I know, but here's the thing.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm raising a kid that's riddled with anxiety, comparison, not feeling enough, not being capable.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to do that knowingly because you don't want to listen to him.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is tough medicine, I'm sorry.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for coming.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know, and thank you for coming and sitting and listening to it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I look at this from the outside and say, I wish somebody would have said this to me when I gave my 13-year-old daughter a phone and then watched as social media just fucking ruined her teenage years.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just so everyone knows that, right?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Looking at comparison of her saying she wasn't good enough because she sat there and compared highlight reels of other people to how inadequate she felt.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Would I do that differently?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Without hesitation, without hesitation, right?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the friends come over and say, you know, and I thought I was good because I waited until maybe it was a little bit later than that.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely, when they when they started driving and whatever, should have gotten them flip phones, right?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't need all that social media and all of that shit.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: We have data now that says we are ruining our children.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the rates of anxiety, look at the rates of like all of these different things.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Make a pros and cons list before you decide to do that.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And also when you're looking at this, should I get them a flip phone?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Start a trend, Casey.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Start a trend.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Give kids flip phones.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: If it's all about communication, show me the evidence that that's what it's about.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of, I'm going to do that so that I don't have to take heat from a child.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You've been around this planet however many times, right?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I've been around this planet how many times?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: We have knowledge that we've heard of this thing called the World Wide Web.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: We can go out there and say, give me a give me the facts.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Go ask Chat GPT.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Give me the facts of what uh, you know, a cell phone does for a 10-year-old boy, right?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just had a thought.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, tell me.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: What if he and I both get a flip phone?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's great.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think that would be fantastic.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even want to be on social media.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be on the things that need to be on.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Neither do I.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like I do it because it's it's a habit.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really give a crap about anything that I see on there.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just numbing.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just numbing out when you realize it's an addiction.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Think about when you pick up your phone.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Cameron and I have had this thing recently where we've been doing like a daily um screen time competition.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, I am crushing it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, crushing it.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I thought for sure he would have been less than me?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, really.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's I am literally crushing it.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've had like check your screen time every day.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just go ahead and take a look.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I get two hours.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Two hours is kind of like a standard for me.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's excellent.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's really good.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is because you look at whatever the ad average is, and to me, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna beat that.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just I make up little ways for myself to win.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: What is the average?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh ish.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's like six hours.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's disgusting.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's really it's a lot.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: But um, but again, take control of those things.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you want to say, I'm going to do that because I can't stand up to my kid and do that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Look yourself in the mirror and say the hard thing, say the hard thing and say, I don't have it in me to fight that fight, right?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But again, I I will maintain I do not negotiate with fucking terrorists in my house.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if my kids say, oh, and they want to like argue back and forth, I just start taking things away.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can have one when you're 16.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, but 15 and a half.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, da-da-da, fifty or sixteen and a half, whatever, right?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: They want to negotiate one way, I negotiate the other way.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: We can stop this whenever you want to.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think what holds me back a lot of times is I'm in all of my life, I'm constantly trying to keep the peace.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Keep the peace.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then I end up, I don't know.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we doing that?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's probably a trauma thing.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, 100%.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, 100%.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my biggest time for parenting out of fear.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I had a daughter who was very suicidal.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this fucking vulnerability talking because this is just gonna bring it all right back up.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: God, my lip.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're feeling it.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling it from Santo.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Lo siento.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's it this is a big one.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I should have probably saved this for not just a mini, but here's what I'll tell you.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting from fear, not right.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not right.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to have people come into my life to check me because I knew that I was going down that path of parenting from fear.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to call Brennan and say, I need you to come down here and fucking literally just kick me in the kick me in the gut.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need this, right?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to sit there and listen.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: But parenting out of fear is not the right thing to do.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel that you're parenting out of fear in any area of your life, ask a trusted somebody to come be your voice of reason and check yourself.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because if not, you're just passing down shitty fucking behaviors to kids that they're gonna have to unfuck themselves later.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not worth it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all we're gonna say about that.