Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Golden Bachelor's Cindy Cullers Tips For Finding A Man in 2026
Transcript
- 0:15Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's one of
- 0:18Speaker 1: your hosts, Jana Kramer, jumping in today. My guest is
- 0:21Speaker 1: someone we all watched on her journey to finding love
- 0:24Speaker 1: in her chapter two, and even though it didn't end
- 0:27Speaker 1: in a perfect match for her, we're sure she was
- 0:29Speaker 1: going to find love again. It's Cindy Colors, runner up
- 0:33Speaker 1: on The Golden Bachelor. She's here, so let's get her
- 0:36Speaker 1: on and talk all things Part two. Hello, Hey Cindy,
- 0:40Speaker 1: I'm Jana.
- 0:41Speaker 2: Hi Janna.
- 0:42Speaker 1: Are you just coming off a whirlwind right now?
- 0:45Speaker 3: Crazy? I'm crazy, but I remember your country songs. I'm
- 0:49Speaker 3: a big country fan. Oh, and I live in Austin
- 0:53Speaker 3: and I love you. Ever played at acl but I
- 0:55Speaker 3: live in the building.
- 0:56Speaker 1: Oh wow, Okay, yeah, no, I've been. I I used
- 1:01Speaker 1: to film a TV show in Austin Friday Night Lights
- 1:04Speaker 1: for a little bit.
- 1:04Speaker 2: Yeah.
- 1:05Speaker 1: I've been to Austin many times for country music back
- 1:08Speaker 1: in the day. But it's always fun to meet people
- 1:12Speaker 1: that know me from that side of things, because most
- 1:14Speaker 1: people know me from One Tree Hill that then became
- 1:16Speaker 1: a country artist. But it's always fun to find the
- 1:19Speaker 1: people that have known me just from music.
- 1:22Speaker 3: So yeah, just from music. Yeah, well, it's a pleasure
- 1:25Speaker 3: to know you today.
- 1:26Speaker 1: I know, nice to chat with you, Sindy, and we'll
- 1:27Speaker 1: just hop right into it. So I have to be honest.
- 1:31Speaker 1: I didn't watch the show. I've watched now clips of
- 1:37Speaker 1: it all, and if I'm totally honest, I had a
- 1:45Speaker 1: he didn't give me the vibe that I was. I wasn't.
- 1:49Speaker 1: I don't want to say this. I'll root for everyone
- 1:51Speaker 1: to find love, but it just didn't seem he seemed
- 1:57Speaker 1: a bit of a player from how well I think honestly,
- 2:01Speaker 1: it was this comment that he made about wanting to
- 2:03Speaker 1: date someone not older. And that's fine, you know what
- 2:06Speaker 1: you want, but that just to me came off a little.
- 2:10Speaker 3: But don't go into show too if you know you
- 2:12Speaker 3: are any younger, if you know you want younger, don't
- 2:15Speaker 3: go on this show.
- 2:17Speaker 1: Right, So you did you know what he said before
- 2:20Speaker 1: you guys started filming.
- 2:21Speaker 2: I did.
- 2:22Speaker 3: I had heard the pod, I'd seen the transcript of
- 2:24Speaker 3: the podcast, and then I went to listen to the
- 2:26Speaker 3: podcast and I was concerned about it enough to ask
- 2:30Speaker 3: a producer kind of what discussion they had with him,
- 2:34Speaker 3: to kind of just you know, to understand what that was,
- 2:38Speaker 3: and they just described to me, and I figured the
- 2:41Speaker 3: network knew better than I did. So if they said
- 2:44Speaker 3: he's okay to be on the show, that I should
- 2:46Speaker 3: be okay to be on the show. To be honest too,
- 2:50Speaker 3: I'm still sixty, so I still fit within the range
- 2:53Speaker 3: of what he was thinking. And I have I have
- 2:55Speaker 3: lots of people in my life who are on their second,
- 2:59Speaker 3: in between second, third, first marriages who want to date younger.
- 3:03Speaker 3: So I get the mentality, and you know, I it's
- 3:08Speaker 3: it's going to be what it's going to be. He's
- 3:09Speaker 3: either going to meet these fabulous women who are sixty
- 3:12Speaker 3: and over and be like wowed by us, or he's
- 3:15Speaker 3: going to continue to think that he wants to date
- 3:17Speaker 3: somebody younger.
- 3:19Speaker 1: Right, I mean when when you first saw him, obviously
- 3:22Speaker 1: he's a handsome looking dude, so you had your first
- 3:26Speaker 1: impression of him when you're on the show, but looking back, like,
- 3:29Speaker 1: what was your true first impression of him?
- 3:33Speaker 3: Definitely that he was handsome and that you know, I
- 3:38Speaker 3: projected some stuff onto him that maybe right or wrong,
- 3:42Speaker 3: But he's a professional athlete. I grew up cheering and
- 3:46Speaker 3: then I danced for the Dallas Mavericks, so I've been
- 3:48Speaker 3: around that group of people, and back in the day,
- 3:51Speaker 3: it wasn't like where you went to make a lot
- 3:53Speaker 3: of money. That's just not what it was. He was
- 3:55Speaker 3: a hard worker. He sacrificed his body for his team
- 3:58Speaker 3: and the city. And I recognize the dedication that it
- 4:02Speaker 3: takes to play his position for that many years for
- 4:05Speaker 3: the same team and then to step out of that
- 4:07Speaker 3: to become an attorney. I was projecting onto him just
- 4:11Speaker 3: that he was able to make big, bold changes in
- 4:14Speaker 3: his life that you know, he had a sense of
- 4:18Speaker 3: dedication and some of those things I think are true,
- 4:21Speaker 3: and some of them may or may not be true.
- 4:24Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I know I get that piece. I mean
- 4:26Speaker 1: I dated an ex athlete who that transition when they're
- 4:30Speaker 1: done playing. I mean, it takes them. It's hard for
- 4:33Speaker 1: them to then rEFInd themselves because they just did the
- 4:35Speaker 1: one thing they loved so much. They were making great money.
- 4:37Speaker 1: It's like, how do you go from making great money
- 4:39Speaker 1: and being this person everyone cheered for? It really takes
- 4:42Speaker 1: a hit on their life, and I know a lot
- 4:46Speaker 1: of athletes that then go into depression from that. But
- 4:49Speaker 1: how they outwardly can deal with that at times is
- 4:54Speaker 1: through not being a great guy. Maybe with other women,
- 4:57Speaker 1: that was my experience. I know, I'm not going to
- 4:59Speaker 1: put that on All the dudes are professional former athletes,
- 5:04Speaker 1: but with him, you know, you're walking into this and
- 5:08Speaker 1: obviously you're wanting to find love again because how many
- 5:10Speaker 1: years have you been divorced?
- 5:12Speaker 2: Seven seven years? Seven years now and you were married
- 5:15Speaker 2: for how long? Married? Twenty five years? Wow?
- 5:18Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the reason for the divorce?
- 5:21Speaker 3: I haven't really spoken openly about it, and I'm not
- 5:25Speaker 3: sure that I will now. Yeah, just it's out of
- 5:29Speaker 3: respect for my kids and for you know, and for him.
- 5:32Speaker 2: I want all of us to go on and live
- 5:35Speaker 2: a great life.
- 5:35Speaker 3: And I can say that especially now because I'm in
- 5:40Speaker 3: a wonderful place and have overcome the challenge of what
- 5:44Speaker 3: divorce can can be disruptive, and I've turned it, you know,
- 5:48Speaker 3: I've made lemonade out of lemons for sure with it.
- 5:51Speaker 2: So I've just chosen to move on.
- 5:53Speaker 1: No, I think that's beautiful, though, I like I commend
- 5:56Speaker 1: that there's many times when I've spoken too much about that. Now.
- 6:01Speaker 1: There are things that I have not said to protect
- 6:03Speaker 1: the kids, and then other things that you know, we've
- 6:05Speaker 1: both publicly talked about so.
- 6:07Speaker 3: And there are some things that people can learn from
- 6:09Speaker 3: our journeys. And I just feel like the journey that
- 6:11Speaker 3: I went with my divorce was something so common that
- 6:15Speaker 3: I don't need to be the one who has the
- 6:18Speaker 3: insight for it. I think that that's part of it.
- 6:21Speaker 3: I think that some of the things I've heard you
- 6:23Speaker 3: say are this is definitely unusual, and you can help
- 6:28Speaker 3: some people through their situation by telling your story and
- 6:31Speaker 3: telling not just your story about what happened, but telling
- 6:34Speaker 3: your redemption part of it, how you walked through it
- 6:38Speaker 3: and got to a better place.
- 6:40Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think people in my when I do
- 6:44Speaker 1: speak about that, the hard part is is that people
- 6:48Speaker 1: just go, oh, well, you met this great guy. I said, no,
- 6:50Speaker 1: But I was good before him. That's the thing, Like
- 6:52Speaker 1: I found peace before him. And I think that's why
- 6:55Speaker 1: I was, you know, able to find a good man
- 6:59Speaker 1: because I was. I was happy. I didn't need I
- 7:01Speaker 1: didn't need his love. His love was just the kind
- 7:05Speaker 1: of the cherry on top, you know, because I finally
- 7:07Speaker 1: profound a place where I was able to love myself,
- 7:10Speaker 1: because if not, I would have just gotten back into
- 7:12Speaker 1: the same type of relationship with the same kind of man.
- 7:16Speaker 3: Yeah, it's super important to be able to stand on
- 7:18Speaker 3: yourself on your two feet. I've made mention of it
- 7:21Speaker 3: in one of the episodes. But the hard part is
- 7:25Speaker 3: once you are able to stand on your two feet again,
- 7:29Speaker 3: then transferring your weight and leaning into someone else ash
- 7:33Speaker 3: that you just it's a it's scary again because you
- 7:36Speaker 3: don't know if that's going to go away or you know,
- 7:40Speaker 3: get kicked out from underneath you. So how much of
- 7:42Speaker 3: your weight do you transfer into a new relationship now
- 7:45Speaker 3: that you know you're standing on your two feet again.
- 7:48Speaker 1: Well, yeah, and the chances of getting knocked back down
- 7:51Speaker 1: again are are high. But at the same time, I
- 7:54Speaker 1: always look at it as you're going to learn something
- 7:56Speaker 1: new each time and then the right one will we'll stay.
- 7:59Speaker 1: And that's you know, the beauty and all of it.
- 8:01Speaker 1: So it's like, what's what's the lesson? And with this experience,
- 8:04Speaker 1: what do you think your lesson was? You know, within
- 8:08Speaker 1: doing this Golden Bachelor.
- 8:11Speaker 3: A lesson I've been considering, like what are the things
- 8:14Speaker 3: I've learned about myself? I learned that I was still
- 8:19Speaker 3: putting my kids between me and my relationships. I definitely
- 8:23Speaker 3: learned that and I did not recognize I was doing that.
- 8:27Speaker 3: I knew that I put my career between me and
- 8:29Speaker 3: my relationships. I knew that I would put other men
- 8:31Speaker 3: between me and my relationships. I did not recognize I
- 8:34Speaker 3: could use my family and use my family to keep
- 8:38Speaker 3: myself distant from a new relationship. But lesson did I learn?
- 8:43Speaker 3: I think that I learned I still have a tendency
- 8:46Speaker 3: to be over optimistic and to project good things onto people.
- 8:51Speaker 3: I'm not sure I want to change that. I think
- 8:54Speaker 3: one day someone's going to prove me right. And so
- 8:58Speaker 3: it's a lesson that I've learned, Like, just be cautious,
- 9:01Speaker 3: but I want to remain optimistic through this.
- 9:04Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, no one wants to get That's the
- 9:07Speaker 1: thing too. People will reach out and they're like, oh,
- 9:08Speaker 1: I just I'm not going to put myself back out there,
- 9:11Speaker 1: and it's like, don't, like, you don't want to be
- 9:13Speaker 1: bitter in love either because that's not a or then
- 9:17Speaker 1: you're letting the person that hurt you before kind of
- 9:19Speaker 1: win and b it's like you're losing at the end
- 9:23Speaker 1: of the day because there is love out there. Again,
- 9:25Speaker 1: it might not you might not find the love of
- 9:27Speaker 1: your life. Some people don't write they but that's also
- 9:30Speaker 1: I think in their choice because they're not wanting to
- 9:33Speaker 1: put themselves out there or do maybe some healing work
- 9:38Speaker 1: to get to a place to be open to it
- 9:41Speaker 1: or find the right person.
- 9:42Speaker 3: So it's all and definitely And in the in the
- 9:45Speaker 3: show I walked out, It wasn't like Mel rejected me.
- 9:51Speaker 1: Well that's that was my next question. So what was
- 9:54Speaker 1: what was your reasoning for saying, you know what, this
- 9:57Speaker 1: doesn't suit me.
- 9:58Speaker 3: He didn't serve me. The vision that he had for
- 10:01Speaker 3: a future was not enough.
- 10:04Speaker 1: Because he told you what, like what was his vision?
- 10:06Speaker 1: Because obviously he didn't propose to Peggy who just just
- 10:10Speaker 1: gave her the the what's that called promise ring? A
- 10:14Speaker 1: promise ring? And how are we in high school? I
- 10:16Speaker 1: don't know, but you know like.
- 10:18Speaker 3: That that alone.
- 10:19Speaker 1: That promise ring, it was from my high school sweetheart.
- 10:22Speaker 1: So I'm like, let's this is this is silly?
- 10:25Speaker 2: You are?
- 10:25Speaker 1: How old? Like we're not doing promise rings? Or is
- 10:29Speaker 1: that is it?
- 10:29Speaker 2: Back? I'm not doing promise rings? Yeah, I could tell
- 10:32Speaker 2: you that.
- 10:32Speaker 1: I'm like, so so what was it? What did he
- 10:35Speaker 1: say to you? Like when you guys are having your
- 10:37Speaker 1: your kind of last meeting before your your you're wanting
- 10:42Speaker 1: and making this decision. Did he say flat out I
- 10:44Speaker 1: don't want to get married.
- 10:46Speaker 3: He was saying that he doesn't know, and that he
- 10:50Speaker 3: wanted to wait two years because of his sons, that
- 10:53Speaker 3: he wanted to get them, you know, kind of up
- 10:55Speaker 3: and on their own. And I get that, Yeah, but
- 10:59Speaker 3: after two years, why would he need to be engaged,
- 11:01Speaker 3: because at that point he could get married. And it
- 11:04Speaker 3: just doesn't make any It doesn't make any sense to me.
- 11:07Speaker 3: And I did ask him a question about the first
- 11:10Speaker 3: time that he got married. Why did he wait so
- 11:12Speaker 3: long to be married the first time. I don't know
- 11:16Speaker 3: if it was a test or not. I was just
- 11:17Speaker 3: curious to hear if his response was because I hadn't
- 11:21Speaker 3: met the right woman. That's a different response than I
- 11:26Speaker 3: just wasn't ready. And I was just getting this sense
- 11:29Speaker 3: that Mel hasn't done the work. He's not ready. I've
- 11:32Speaker 3: done the work. I think Mel and I had enough
- 11:36Speaker 3: ingredients to kind of take it to the next level.
- 11:39Speaker 3: And obviously there's there's still a lot more to be
- 11:43Speaker 3: discovered in a relationship, but you know, I just was
- 11:46Speaker 3: the feeling that he's not ready and I've had way
- 11:50Speaker 3: too many relationships in my life, and especially in the
- 11:53Speaker 3: last seven years, where people just want to take your
- 11:55Speaker 3: time and enjoy their time with you. And that's great,
- 11:59Speaker 3: and I I, you know, I go on trips and
- 12:02Speaker 3: go to concerts and go do a lot of things
- 12:04Speaker 3: with some of those people. But in the end, that's
- 12:08Speaker 3: not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a
- 12:10Speaker 3: promise ring. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. And I
- 12:13Speaker 3: even said it in a finale. If I wanted a boyfriend,
- 12:15Speaker 3: I don't need to go on this show to have one.
- 12:18Speaker 2: Right.
- 12:19Speaker 1: It's so interesting too, because as we get older. I
- 12:22Speaker 1: mean I remember back in my twenties, there was this
- 12:23Speaker 1: guy who, you know, he was an actor. He just
- 12:26Speaker 1: got divorced, but he liked me and we started dating.
- 12:29Speaker 1: And I felt like for years that I was just
- 12:33Speaker 1: trying to be chosen by him because he's like, well,
- 12:35Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever want to get married again,
- 12:37Speaker 1: and I don't know if I'm like, well, but choose me,
- 12:39Speaker 1: and I'm going to stay along, you know. And I
- 12:40Speaker 1: just I was back and forth with them for years
- 12:44Speaker 1: and it was so hard. And then I remember when
- 12:46Speaker 1: I got divorced from my last husband, and I started,
- 12:50Speaker 1: you know, he was in he was an athlete, an
- 12:53Speaker 1: ex athlete who then was managing a team, and he's
- 12:57Speaker 1: I started to feel that again where it was when
- 13:01Speaker 1: it was only convenient for him and his timing, and
- 13:04Speaker 1: I'm like, I start and so I kind of caught
- 13:06Speaker 1: it on pretty early and was like, I know my
- 13:09Speaker 1: tendency of wanting to be chosen that I have to
- 13:12Speaker 1: just be like, you know what, this doesn't work for
- 13:13Speaker 1: me because I he's like, well, I just don't want
- 13:15Speaker 1: you to get too attached, and I like where we're
- 13:17Speaker 1: at right now now, but I just don't really know.
- 13:19Speaker 1: You know, I've got detachment patterns and I just don't
- 13:22Speaker 1: want you to attach. And I go, then I'm out
- 13:24Speaker 1: because that's not for me.
- 13:26Speaker 2: You know.
- 13:26Speaker 1: It's like this is I'm not just going to be
- 13:28Speaker 1: your convenient person that you're going to call when when
- 13:31Speaker 1: you're bored in the city. You know, like, that's not
- 13:34Speaker 1: that's not me anymore. And I'm not going to wait
- 13:35Speaker 1: around for you to choose me, because someone will choose
- 13:37Speaker 1: me and I don't have to like prove this.
- 13:40Speaker 2: Thing go bingo.
- 13:41Speaker 3: Somebody's going to choose us. Somebody will choose us, and
- 13:44Speaker 3: there's no pick me to any of this. I'll show
- 13:46Speaker 3: you exactly who I am. I will be vulnerable, I
- 13:49Speaker 3: will be honest and genuine. I will give you the
- 13:51Speaker 3: time and dedication it takes for you to get to
- 13:53Speaker 3: know me. But I'm not asking for you to pick me. Yes,
- 13:57Speaker 3: I believe it's even biblical that a man knows when
- 14:01Speaker 3: he meets his person. Yep Adam says to Eve, you
- 14:04Speaker 3: are bone of my bone. Soas looks at Ruth and
- 14:08Speaker 3: knows immediately. And I think that some men, you know,
- 14:10Speaker 3: there are people that are in denial. Maybe he was
- 14:13Speaker 3: in denial that you were the one, and maybe he's
- 14:16Speaker 3: running from his you know, his attachment stylar, his previous hurts.
- 14:21Speaker 3: So you don't have to act on it immediately. But
- 14:23Speaker 3: I believe my guy is going to be immediately struck
- 14:26Speaker 3: by who I am and will pursue me. And I'm
- 14:29Speaker 3: looking forward to looking forward to that.
- 14:42Speaker 1: Back to the divorce piece of things, because a lot
- 14:45Speaker 1: of women will say, you know, how did you how
- 14:47Speaker 1: did you get through the tough days? What was and
- 14:50Speaker 1: I have the ways that helped me, but what was
- 14:52Speaker 1: one of the things for you that got you up,
- 14:56Speaker 1: obviously your kids, but that helped you get to the
- 14:59Speaker 1: other side of the healing.
- 15:01Speaker 3: I had a good friend tell me that you couldn't
- 15:05Speaker 3: have gotten here without going through there m And she
- 15:08Speaker 3: said it to me often enough that I finally etched
- 15:11Speaker 3: it in my brain. And on my hard days, you know,
- 15:14Speaker 3: when I wish that I had the life that I
- 15:16Speaker 3: used to have, I realized this is a life that
- 15:19Speaker 3: I now can choose and it's not. I still have
- 15:23Speaker 3: hard days where I wish that I had that previous life.
- 15:26Speaker 3: Holidays in particular very hard.
- 15:29Speaker 2: Press. Yeah, same, yeah, But I'm in.
- 15:32Speaker 3: A better place, and I just I just need to
- 15:34Speaker 3: go back and continue to recognize that this is my
- 15:38Speaker 3: path and that every step along the way has been
- 15:41Speaker 3: you know, ordered in advance. And I need to to
- 15:46Speaker 3: recognize the doors and windows that have been opened in
- 15:48Speaker 3: front of me, and acknowledge and appreciate the doors and
- 15:52Speaker 3: windows that have closed behind me, and just keep your
- 15:55Speaker 3: head down and your feet moving.
- 15:57Speaker 2: Yep.
- 15:57Speaker 1: Only way to get through it is to go through it.
- 16:00Speaker 3: Is so many people get stuck, you know, Like my
- 16:03Speaker 3: therapist was saying about forty percent of people who lose
- 16:06Speaker 3: a spouse or get divorced or you know, losing children.
- 16:11Speaker 3: I think is even higher. But forty percent of people
- 16:14Speaker 3: never return to a positive life, and I was determined
- 16:19Speaker 3: to live big on the other side of what happened
- 16:23Speaker 3: to me.
- 16:24Speaker 1: Yeah, no, absolutely, Okay, So when you were on the
- 16:26Speaker 1: show and you're surrounded by obviously all these beautiful women,
- 16:33Speaker 1: did you feel the camaraderie of everyone wanting again? It's
- 16:38Speaker 1: hard you're trying to date the same guy, right, So
- 16:41Speaker 1: how was that like when in when you're older going
- 16:44Speaker 1: through that, Because I see how the girls are in
- 16:46Speaker 1: their twenties thirties on the show. What was that like
- 16:50Speaker 1: for you, ladies?
- 16:53Speaker 3: I think we still had some of those twenties and
- 16:56Speaker 3: thirties moments where you know, you're trying to check out
- 16:59Speaker 3: the competition, so to speak. But I could speak for myself,
- 17:03Speaker 3: I can't speak for all of them. I found a
- 17:04Speaker 3: group of women to be so engaging and so loving,
- 17:09Speaker 3: and of course we're spending time with the same guy.
- 17:11Speaker 3: But they are incredible women on this cast, and I
- 17:17Speaker 3: fell in love with almost each and every one of them.
- 17:20Speaker 3: And having that time in the mansion. So we have
- 17:24Speaker 3: nineteen women who move into the mansion and I live
- 17:27Speaker 3: by myself, none of my kids live in town. I've
- 17:30Speaker 3: got lots of good friends and colleagues. But you know,
- 17:35Speaker 3: this is a cool experience to be in a house
- 17:38Speaker 3: with eighteen other women. We're cooking for each other, We're
- 17:42Speaker 3: trying to share a bathroom, all five of us, trying
- 17:44Speaker 3: to get ready and brush our teeth and shower, and
- 17:48Speaker 3: I'm in a top in a room where the patio
- 17:52Speaker 3: doors don't latch, and just sharing time with these women
- 17:58Speaker 3: and knowing that they're all kind of in a similar situation.
- 18:00Speaker 3: Some had lost their husbands, some have been married a
- 18:03Speaker 3: couple times, some are divorced a long time, Some were fresh.
- 18:07Speaker 3: So we all had kind of a different life experience.
- 18:10Speaker 3: But it was a privilege to be in this little
- 18:12Speaker 3: sorority of the Golden Bachelor castmates.
- 18:15Speaker 1: Were you in Peggy clothes?
- 18:17Speaker 2: No?
- 18:18Speaker 1: Okay, so there's no friendship there? Then post show either Noah?
- 18:22Speaker 2: No? Got it?
- 18:23Speaker 1: Okay, Well, maybe two people end up those two people
- 18:27Speaker 1: were meant to be together. I don't know.
- 18:30Speaker 3: Well, I think this has ended up exactly the way
- 18:32Speaker 3: it needed to end up, and I'm personally grateful that
- 18:36Speaker 3: it ended up this way.
- 18:38Speaker 1: So I have a question for you, because I have
- 18:41Speaker 1: a few friends who are divorced that are fifty sixty
- 18:46Speaker 1: years old, and they some of them have given up
- 18:49Speaker 1: the hope that they're going to find someone and that
- 18:52Speaker 1: they then go to the place of And I felt
- 18:54Speaker 1: this too, Like when I got divorced. I was late thirties,
- 18:58Speaker 1: and I mean I was like seven eight, and I
- 19:04Speaker 1: thought to myself, I don't haven't it's done. I'm I'm old,
- 19:08Speaker 1: I've I don't have time. I've I've wasted time, you know,
- 19:11Speaker 1: And you know I've again. I've got a very good
- 19:14Speaker 1: friend that's almost fifty, another friend that's sixty, same thing
- 19:16Speaker 1: where she's just feels like she wasted so much time
- 19:20Speaker 1: with her last husband that there's no way she'll meet
- 19:24Speaker 1: someone now. So it's where do you mentally go with
- 19:28Speaker 1: staying positive in that mind frame when you want when
- 19:31Speaker 1: they want to be in a relationship.
- 19:32Speaker 3: Well, I think you have to back to our previous conversation.
- 19:36Speaker 3: I think I'm okay by myself and a man is
- 19:40Speaker 3: going to be lucky to partner up with me. I
- 19:44Speaker 3: am a multiplier, and I think you know this one
- 19:47Speaker 3: plus one equals to is just insane. I am a
- 19:52Speaker 3: multiplier and some man is going to be super lucky.
- 19:54Speaker 3: If you bring me a house, guess what I'm going
- 19:57Speaker 3: to deliver you a home, bring me your children. I
- 20:01Speaker 3: will knit it together and make a new family. You
- 20:04Speaker 3: bring me finances, and I will make you feel wealthy.
- 20:09Speaker 3: And that's what a man is going to get in
- 20:11Speaker 3: relationship with me. He'd be really lucky to come alongside me.
- 20:15Speaker 3: If he doesn't, it's okay because I'm I'm living a
- 20:19Speaker 3: pretty awesome life, full life with myself. I would love
- 20:22Speaker 3: to have a partner. But if I don't, that's just,
- 20:26Speaker 3: you know, just just my fate in life. I'm okay
- 20:29Speaker 3: both ways, and I think you really just have to
- 20:31Speaker 3: get like you talked about earlier.
- 20:33Speaker 2: We have to get to a place where we're okay
- 20:35Speaker 2: either way.
- 20:36Speaker 1: I know, so much easier said than done, though, because
- 20:39Speaker 1: there were there were so many times in my bed
- 20:41Speaker 1: I'm like, no one will love me, you know, and
- 20:43Speaker 1: it's like it's like, well it feels lonely sometimes, you know.
- 20:47Speaker 3: But you also need to be prepared for that person
- 20:50Speaker 3: in your life. I'll tell you what I just did.
- 20:51Speaker 1: This.
- 20:53Speaker 3: You're going to think I'm very silly. I have I
- 20:55Speaker 3: live in this one bedroom Pondo, and I love it.
- 20:58Speaker 3: It's just a little jewel box to me, and it's
- 21:00Speaker 3: not very big, so I use every square inch. And
- 21:03Speaker 3: I had these medicine cabinets put in on either side
- 21:06Speaker 3: of my bathroom mirror, and I moved into one, and
- 21:09Speaker 3: I kept the one on the other side open and
- 21:12Speaker 3: available and just ready for I love it for my
- 21:16Speaker 3: future man. And guess what, I started to creep into
- 21:21Speaker 3: that medicine cabinet and put my stuff and kind of
- 21:23Speaker 3: spread out a little bit. So this last week I
- 21:27Speaker 3: moved things back out of that medicine cabinet and I
- 21:29Speaker 3: made room in my life for a man. And I
- 21:32Speaker 3: think we just all should be mindful that I will
- 21:35Speaker 3: be prepared and be my best for my man to
- 21:39Speaker 3: meet me this afternoon or tomorrow or in ten years.
- 21:43Speaker 3: But I'm going to continue to work on being my
- 21:45Speaker 3: best self for me, for my family, for life, and
- 21:50Speaker 3: just making sure there's still room in my life for him.
- 21:53Speaker 1: I love that. That's so sweet. So when did the
- 21:56Speaker 1: show wrap? What month?
- 21:58Speaker 3: It was end of August, Because right from the show,
- 22:03Speaker 3: I had to go to my daughter. I had to
- 22:05Speaker 3: I was privileged to go to my daughter's wedding, my
- 22:08Speaker 3: second daughter's wedding in Italy. So within days I went
- 22:11Speaker 3: from the you know, all the mind worldling, walk off
- 22:16Speaker 3: the doc, leave the guy, to you know, really taking
- 22:20Speaker 3: a look at what a fully committed, loving relationship looks like.
- 22:26Speaker 3: And it was such a privilege to be there anyway,
- 22:28Speaker 3: because I love these kids so much, but to really
- 22:31Speaker 3: see what love looks like. Yeah, and then to compare
- 22:34Speaker 3: it to what Mel was offering, it was, it was,
- 22:38Speaker 3: It was perfect. It was so healing and so lovely
- 22:41Speaker 3: to have that contrast.
- 22:43Speaker 1: Since the show, has anyone slid into the dms or
- 22:45Speaker 1: like where are you meeting? Where are you meeting guys?
- 22:48Speaker 1: Like who would you like to slide into the DM?
- 22:50Speaker 2: Like what.
- 22:52Speaker 1: Have you slid into someone's you know, because I'm now
- 22:55Speaker 1: obviously people watching you. You're beautiful, you know, you had
- 22:58Speaker 1: a great energy, so I have to assume that there's
- 23:02Speaker 1: men trying.
- 23:03Speaker 3: I've had some men slide into my DM since I've
- 23:06Speaker 3: had some friends introduced me to men, and you know,
- 23:09Speaker 3: just just gonna this is the holidays, So I'm kind
- 23:11Speaker 3: of taking a big old pause with all of that,
- 23:14Speaker 3: just so I could focus on, you know, recentering myself
- 23:18Speaker 3: and being with my family, and but yeah, there's I'm
- 23:21Speaker 3: definitely not hesitant to get back out there. I'm not
- 23:24Speaker 3: hesitant that my man is around the corner. I hope
- 23:28Speaker 3: he's watching this. I hope he's listening to this and
- 23:30Speaker 3: falls in love with me on this and calls immediately,
- 23:34Speaker 3: And I think that he'll be bold enough to step
- 23:37Speaker 3: forward the kind of man that I'm looking for.
- 23:39Speaker 1: Oh. I love that she's ready to open her medicine cabinet,
- 23:42Speaker 1: so I put your whatever you need in there. That
- 23:46Speaker 1: is funny. Okay, so let's do a little rapid fire.
- 23:52Speaker 1: Oh okay, what advice would you give to our listeners
- 23:55Speaker 1: who are getting back into the dating scene for the
- 23:56Speaker 1: first time?
- 23:58Speaker 3: What advice would I give to people getting back into
- 24:01Speaker 3: the dating scene? Work on being the best self. Being
- 24:04Speaker 3: your best self will will attract the person that will
- 24:09Speaker 3: meet your best self. Always elevate level up all the time.
- 24:13Speaker 1: Do you think you should always give someone two dates
- 24:15Speaker 1: to tell if there is chemistry?
- 24:17Speaker 2: No?
- 24:19Speaker 1: Agreed? You know that first date? Yeah, anytime I ever
- 24:24Speaker 1: tried a second date, I'm like, why did I do this?
- 24:25Speaker 1: I knew the gut, the gut told me on the
- 24:28Speaker 1: first one that it was a no.
- 24:30Speaker 3: And if forget's not sure, if your gut doesn't say no,
- 24:34Speaker 3: then you could have a second date and still say
- 24:36Speaker 3: no after the second date.
- 24:37Speaker 2: But sometimes it's just no, immediately agreed.
- 24:41Speaker 1: Do you think it's a good idea to FaceTime a
- 24:43Speaker 1: date you've met online before the first.
- 24:45Speaker 3: Date depends on how much they're giving you in your exchanges,
- 24:50Speaker 3: Like if you're not getting the full vibe, I definitely
- 24:53Speaker 3: think it's better to hop on FaceTime. But if you're
- 24:56Speaker 3: kind of getting a genuine vibe and I don't anything online,
- 25:00Speaker 3: mine's either referrals by friends or some of these dms,
- 25:05Speaker 3: So I'll just consider it like a DM.
- 25:07Speaker 2: You just got to you know, got a sense how genuine.
- 25:10Speaker 3: They're being in their responses to you.
- 25:12Speaker 1: See, I am a FaceTime That is a was a rule,
- 25:16Speaker 1: Like I have to FaceTime before because if I waste
- 25:19Speaker 1: an hour away from the home or the kid, you
- 25:22Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I will so angry at myself.
- 25:25Speaker 1: So and anytime my girlfriend who's divorced, she'll go she's like, huh,
- 25:28Speaker 1: I should have listened to you. I'm like, I tell
- 25:30Speaker 1: you every time you got a FaceTime, because you will
- 25:32Speaker 1: just know.
- 25:33Speaker 3: Well, I have a three step method. Oh I heard
- 25:36Speaker 3: this from a million dollar matchmaker, because she's like, oh,
- 25:39Speaker 3: you're single, you're divorced, I'll put you in my stable.
- 25:41Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, no, no, I just being in.
- 25:46Speaker 3: Nay no, that was good. So she said there's three
- 25:50Speaker 3: steps that she uses to test compatibility. The first interaction
- 25:55Speaker 3: is a coffee date or a drink, and since I
- 25:58Speaker 3: don't drink coffee, it's usually meet me for a drink
- 26:01Speaker 3: twenty to forty minutes. I don't care if I feel
- 26:04Speaker 3: like I've met my soulmate twenty to forty minutes and
- 26:07Speaker 3: we're cutting it off. Second date is an activity, so
- 26:10Speaker 3: we'll go to the farmer's market, we'll stand up powder board,
- 26:13Speaker 3: we'll go for a hike, we'll you know, I'll ask
- 26:16Speaker 3: you to.
- 26:16Speaker 2: Come move my couch.
- 26:17Speaker 3: If you were referred by a friend, I'll make something up,
- 26:20Speaker 3: but it will be an activity. And then the third
- 26:22Speaker 3: date can be the dinner date, because you can waste
- 26:25Speaker 3: a whole lot of time out there with people that
- 26:27Speaker 3: you're not attracted to and you're not compatible with.
- 26:30Speaker 2: I like that.
- 26:31Speaker 3: So there's my three steps, and I tell all of
- 26:34Speaker 3: my single friends to do it. That way, it saves
- 26:36Speaker 3: you so much time. I'll also tell you what happens
- 26:39Speaker 3: on that first date. If you're really vibing with them,
- 26:43Speaker 3: something happens where you just forget the details. So they
- 26:46Speaker 3: could tell you about their children, their names, how old
- 26:49Speaker 3: they are, where they.
- 26:49Speaker 2: Go to school, where they live.
- 26:51Speaker 3: That all those details somehow go in one ear and
- 26:55Speaker 3: out the other, and so you just don't really pay
- 26:56Speaker 3: attention to them. Where I find if you have it
- 26:59Speaker 3: on a second or third date, you're more able to
- 27:03Speaker 3: I'm more able at least to retain that information.
- 27:06Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that makes sense. Is it ever okay to
- 27:19Speaker 1: split the bill on a first date? No, one hundred percent.
- 27:23Speaker 3: No.
- 27:24Speaker 1: It happened to me one time we went to the
- 27:26Speaker 1: it was in Los Angeles, it was the it was
- 27:28Speaker 1: called the Garlic Rose. And he put his card down.
- 27:33Speaker 1: He's like, okay, He's like, we'll split it. You put
- 27:35Speaker 1: the car down to first and only day. I'm like, no,
- 27:37Speaker 1: that is I know. And I love getting the bill.
- 27:41Speaker 1: That's the thing. I love to get a bill. And
- 27:42Speaker 1: that's something that I know that I had to stop
- 27:45Speaker 1: because I would try sometimes to get it on the
- 27:48Speaker 1: first date, and I'd learned once I got older, I'm like, no,
- 27:51Speaker 1: they can.
- 27:51Speaker 3: Pay, and they could pay. I'm a traditional woman. That's
- 27:54Speaker 3: what I expect. It's not like I won't contribute financially.
- 27:57Speaker 3: And by the way, I get access to some stuff
- 28:00Speaker 3: because of where I live, how long I've lived here,
- 28:02Speaker 3: that you'll get to taggle on with me for some
- 28:04Speaker 3: fun stuff that you know you're not really paying for.
- 28:07Speaker 3: But definitely don't split the chat ladies.
- 28:11Speaker 1: Best tip for flirting or catching a man's attention the eyes.
- 28:16Speaker 1: Give him the eyes, the eyes, and then the look
- 28:21Speaker 1: down and then look back up and the look.
- 28:24Speaker 3: I think that there's an art to flirting, but it
- 28:29Speaker 3: all is wrapped up to me in a very intricate
- 28:32Speaker 3: dance between masculine and feminine. And so if you find
- 28:35Speaker 3: a man who enjoys being in their masculine it's easy
- 28:39Speaker 3: to flirt with them for me, because it is about
- 28:42Speaker 3: showing great appreciation, great interest and just I don't I'm
- 28:48Speaker 3: not sure I have a step one, step two, step three,
- 28:50Speaker 3: But I did try to coach a couple of women
- 28:53Speaker 3: on the show about flirting, and Robin talks about it
- 28:56Speaker 3: on the show, and it's not necessarily flirting, it's for
- 29:02Speaker 3: just try to help the women get out of their
- 29:04Speaker 3: masculine right. I run my own life. I've been independent
- 29:08Speaker 3: for seven years. I don't necessarily need a man. And
- 29:13Speaker 3: being feminine, I think, can be confused very often with
- 29:17Speaker 3: being weak and giving up your power. I feel like
- 29:20Speaker 3: gain power by being feminine, and I feel like I
- 29:23Speaker 3: draw out the best in a man and help him
- 29:27Speaker 3: be masculine.
- 29:29Speaker 2: So there's a lot to it. This could be a
- 29:31Speaker 2: whole segment.
- 29:31Speaker 1: There's some really good books about that too, about female
- 29:34Speaker 1: masculine and female and you know, being feminine male's masculinity
- 29:39Speaker 1: because it's like you don't want guys don't want a
- 29:42Speaker 1: masculine Most guys don't want a masculine women. But we
- 29:45Speaker 1: feel that sometimes we have to since single parents, divorced,
- 29:50Speaker 1: that we have this really protective barrier around us that
- 29:55Speaker 1: sometimes will come out masculine and it's like that's not
- 29:57Speaker 1: going to be the attraction to the other guy. We
- 30:00Speaker 1: do feel more power once that is shed, So.
- 30:04Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, and a man inherently over time and it
- 30:08Speaker 3: gets worse, you're still a youngster men over time stop
- 30:12Speaker 3: thinking and that's just a feminine it's more of a
- 30:15Speaker 3: feminine trait and so they tend to stop thinking. And women,
- 30:19Speaker 3: because we can do it all just like men can
- 30:21Speaker 3: do it all, we allow it.
- 30:23Speaker 2: So when I remember.
- 30:26Speaker 3: Many times talking to a man and saying, you know,
- 30:28Speaker 3: at this time, I don't feel the need to yield
- 30:32Speaker 3: my independence to you. What do you think about that?
- 30:35Speaker 3: And just the second half of that conversation, what do
- 30:38Speaker 3: you think about that? And I ask men to think,
- 30:42Speaker 3: and somebody wants to see me. I'm like, well, I
- 30:44Speaker 3: live here, you live there? How does that look? What
- 30:47Speaker 3: do you think about that? And I make them figure
- 30:49Speaker 3: it out because I could do logistics all day, but
- 30:53Speaker 3: I like having a man think and that allows me
- 30:56Speaker 3: to feel and not that I can't do it.
- 30:58Speaker 2: Will probably get some haters on this.
- 31:00Speaker 1: In the oh it's so true though, but it's true.
- 31:03Speaker 3: I think men men tend to lose their curiosity as
- 31:06Speaker 3: they age, and they they stop thinking because other people
- 31:10Speaker 3: think on their behalf.
- 31:11Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. Should you kiss on a first date?
- 31:15Speaker 1: Maybe I did. I did with my husband. So he
- 31:19Speaker 1: kissed me. We were sitting on a couch and he
- 31:21Speaker 1: just went right in and I was like, whoa. He
- 31:23Speaker 1: did it a lot faster than I would have, but
- 31:25Speaker 1: he kept saying it was because you know, we had
- 31:27Speaker 1: been facetiming so much and he was overseas, so it
- 31:30Speaker 1: was like that.
- 31:32Speaker 3: Ant spees the moment. But back to the you know,
- 31:35Speaker 3: Adam recognizing Eve right away. I think sometimes if a
- 31:37Speaker 3: man knows and he's healed and he's ready and you're
- 31:40Speaker 3: feeling it, nothing wrong with it, no shame. I think
- 31:43Speaker 3: I don't want a roommate. I want I want to
- 31:45Speaker 3: have a sexual chemistry with someone.
- 31:48Speaker 1: Is it a red flag if you start dating someone
- 31:50Speaker 1: who is separated but their divorce isn't final? Yes, what's
- 31:54Speaker 1: a subtle red flag people tend to overlook when getting
- 31:57Speaker 1: back into dating after divorce.
- 31:59Speaker 3: Being divorce does not mean that they're available, or that
- 32:03Speaker 3: they're healed, or that they're ready.
- 32:05Speaker 1: What was Mel's biggest red flag?
- 32:10Speaker 3: I don't know that Mel has a red flag. In general,
- 32:13Speaker 3: nobody has a red flag. I think that he Okay,
- 32:16Speaker 3: I'll tell you what I believe his red flag is.
- 32:18Speaker 3: I think that he likes to observe and doesn't like
- 32:22Speaker 3: to participate. Maybe even that he likes to observe and
- 32:26Speaker 3: he's not even aware that he's not participating.
- 32:30Speaker 2: That makes sense.
- 32:31Speaker 3: So like for example, I love going on trips. I
- 32:33Speaker 3: want to go skiing, I want to go to the beach,
- 32:36Speaker 3: and I want to go with somebody who will do
- 32:38Speaker 3: things with me and not just watch me have fun.
- 32:41Speaker 3: That means I think that that was kind of a
- 32:44Speaker 3: point of we were not compatible with that.
- 32:49Speaker 1: If someone is a bad kiss or, does that mean
- 32:51Speaker 1: they'll likely be bad in bed? Listen, I'll just answer
- 32:53Speaker 1: that they're a bad kisser, they ain't getten in bed.
- 32:55Speaker 1: I gotta have a good GISs there.
- 32:56Speaker 2: No, but I will.
- 32:57Speaker 3: I have had kissers who were not as good, and
- 33:00Speaker 3: some men are trainable.
- 33:03Speaker 1: Really because I had one that was a very bad
- 33:06Speaker 1: kisser and I gave them a couple shots and it's
- 33:09Speaker 1: still I was like, I can't do it. I love
- 33:11Speaker 1: to kiss, and if you're not a good kisser, I
- 33:12Speaker 1: just can't.
- 33:13Speaker 3: Absolutely, if you go two or three times and you
- 33:15Speaker 3: can't get any change.
- 33:17Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm not going to throw them out right away.
- 33:19Speaker 3: I think that you know, if you've been kissing someone else,
- 33:22Speaker 3: you've been kissing that person in the way that the
- 33:24Speaker 3: two of you kiss best. Sure, so now that you
- 33:27Speaker 3: have someone new, you might need some different techniques. So
- 33:29Speaker 3: give them a chance. All right, this is a producer question.
- 33:32Speaker 1: How would you rate Mel's kissing skills? She's like as
- 33:38Speaker 1: much as the red fluff. Oh oh, teachable, So that's teacher, great,
- 33:41Speaker 1: that's funny. What's one thing men fifty plus need to
- 33:45Speaker 1: lighten up on when it comes to dating? Same question
- 33:48Speaker 1: for women? Men over fifty need to lighten up on age.
- 33:53Speaker 1: So I think they hyper focus on age. How many
- 33:57Speaker 1: profiles did I see over the years, and that my
- 33:59Speaker 1: friends are still seeing. I'm younger than I look, I'm
- 34:02Speaker 1: younger than my age, I act younger. It's like, get
- 34:05Speaker 1: over it, Like sixty today is not what sixty used
- 34:09Speaker 1: to be. Everyone is acts younger and is younger. So
- 34:13Speaker 1: that's when age.
- 34:15Speaker 2: And then for women.
- 34:18Speaker 3: They need to get over the quick commitment, like gosh,
- 34:25Speaker 3: I've had a lot of women recently, like in the
- 34:28Speaker 3: last couple of weeks be like swipe left on that one.
- 34:31Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, wait, wait why, Well.
- 34:33Speaker 3: Just like just any any inkling of a red flag
- 34:37Speaker 3: or something that's not exactly right, they're passing on. And
- 34:41Speaker 3: I think that at our age, I don't know, it's
- 34:44Speaker 3: not beggars can't be choosers, but we could all grow
- 34:47Speaker 3: and change and we should be more flexible with other
- 34:50Speaker 3: people's situations and pack.
- 34:52Speaker 1: Everyone deserves a shot. We all have a past, and
- 34:54Speaker 1: there is no there's no there's no night and shining armor,
- 34:58Speaker 1: and there's no perfect woman. You know. That's where it's.
- 35:01Speaker 1: When I was in the dating, I'm like, I can't
- 35:03Speaker 1: judge someone on their past. I have to judge them,
- 35:05Speaker 1: not judge them. But I need to observe them in
- 35:07Speaker 1: their present because I have a messed up past. I've
- 35:11Speaker 1: made multiple mistakes.
- 35:13Speaker 3: Look at our new bouchelorette. If somebody judged her on
- 35:17Speaker 3: her past, why do we even have on a show.
- 35:19Speaker 3: But I think it's such a beautiful arc to say
- 35:21Speaker 3: her past is going to get her to her future.
- 35:24Speaker 3: And I recently a friend of mine passed on a
- 35:27Speaker 3: guy who's never been married, no kids, and I'm like,
- 35:30Speaker 3: that's that's not fair. Look at Debbie from my show,
- 35:34Speaker 3: never been married, no kids, she'd be a lovely partner.
- 35:37Speaker 3: My brother has no children, married twice, no kids, no
- 35:41Speaker 3: red flag. There could be a fabulous stepfather. So I
- 35:44Speaker 3: think people are just kind of too judgmental. And we
- 35:47Speaker 3: have just a certain list of things that we want
- 35:50Speaker 3: and we're not going to vary outside of it. That's
- 35:52Speaker 3: why I really do think meeting in the wild is
- 35:55Speaker 3: far better for me because I don't sometimes always know
- 35:59Speaker 3: by divorce, no kids, you know data on someone where
- 36:03Speaker 3: you might pick that up in an app for sure.
- 36:06Speaker 1: Oh well, Cindy, I've got my radar out for you,
- 36:08Speaker 1: and if anyone's listening, please slide on into Cindy's DM.
- 36:13Speaker 1: Thank you Cindy for opening up about your journey in
- 36:15Speaker 1: chapter two, and we know you are going to find
- 36:17Speaker 1: love again, and I am super excited for you, and
- 36:19Speaker 1: I'm already thinking, I'm like, Okay, I have this one
- 36:22Speaker 1: guy friend that I think would just love you, So
- 36:25Speaker 1: maybe I'll be sliding in being like, hey, you do meet.
- 36:28Speaker 2: Come on over, come on over the water.
- 36:31Speaker 3: The water's warm, and I'm ready to find love again.
- 36:34Speaker 3: I believe it's out there for all of us in
- 36:37Speaker 3: different forms, so I can't wait to see what both
- 36:39Speaker 3: of our next chapters yield.
- 36:41Speaker 1: You're so sweet. Thank you, Cindy. Are you like Cindy
- 36:44Speaker 1: and ready to find love in your chapter two? Call
- 36:46Speaker 1: us or email us. All the info is in the
- 36:48Speaker 1: show notes and we are here to help follow us
- 36:50Speaker 1: on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
- 36:53Speaker 1: I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
- 36:56Speaker 1: love is the main objective. P