Latest / Pathological Positivity / The Stories that Run Your Life – Episode #714
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 714, the stories that run your life. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul the shrink who expands your life. A quick announcement before we launch into today's topic. We are doing a little rebranding here at Live On Purpose Radio and will soon be known as the Positives podcast, produced by Live on Purpose. And it's the same podcast that you've been listening to that we launched clear back in 2007, which is before podcasting was even a thing, and radio was a little more of a thing back in the day. This rebrand has to do with the launch of a new platform called Positives, where we are providing daily, weekly, monthly positives to all of our subscribers there. You can check that out at liveonpurposeradio.com/positives. That's liveonpurposeradio.com/positives. Go check it out. I've also got a positivity power pack there for you as a free gift. You've heard me mention that in the last couple of episodes. Let's jump into today's topic. You know, two people can experience exactly the same event and walk away with completely different lives. Why? Why is this the case? It's because the event is not what drives our emotions. In the positivity model, I teach that it is what it is, which can be kind of annoying to some folks. But all it means is things are exactly as they are. It's who you are, where you are, who you're with, what you have. It's what happened. It's what's still happening. It is what it is. Circumstances happen. Stuff happens. We should probably make a bumper sticker or something. Right? Things happen. Welcome to the planet. Then our brain has to evaluate it. And this is because our brain's job is to keep us safe and to prove us right. Now that one will be relevant as well as we get into our topic today. To keep us safe, our brain has to evaluate. Is this safe? Is this dangerous? Is this good? Is this bad? Is this difficult or easy? Is this expensive or affordable? Our brain is constantly evaluating or judging. The story that we create is basically a representation of how our brain is evaluating our circumstances. Circumstances are neutral. I've trained a lot of coaches over the years, and this is one of the things that we drum into the heads of of the coaches that we train and mentor, that circumstances are neutral. And by saying that they're neutral, I do not mean that they're easy or painless. They might be very difficult and painful. But neutral simply means it could always be now you know where I'm going. Right? It could always be worse. It could always be better too. It's true both directions. And so, therefore, by definition, what it is is always between better and worse by our own judgment, our own evaluation, which we can't turn off, and, therefore, it is neutral right there in the middle, and it always will be. So a circumstance happens, and then our brain immediately kicks in and creates a story about it. And it might sound something like I failed. Okay. That's not a true circumstance. That's a story about whatever it is. So whatever the task is that you think you failed, you performed at some level that is neutral, meaning between how you could have done it better and how you could have done it worse. There you are. So starting from there, the the story of I failed may or may not serve you well because the the story determines how we feel. Our emotional energy is created by the story, the narrative, the thought that comes from the evaluation process that our brain can't turn off. The story might just as well be, I learned. Okay. Also, not a circumstance. It's a story, and it might be exactly the same circumstance. So put yourself in the position where it is what it is. You performed exactly the way you performed on whatever the task was. I failed versus I learned. And notice the difference. The difference that you feel based on the story. Now I get a little pushback on this because people will say, but doctor Paul, I did fail. I did fail at that. Okay. See, we get really convicted by our stories, and I mean convicted in in terms of our attachment to it as well as the way that it creates captivity for us. If you're convicted of a crime, you're gonna be captive. Right? Your freedom is limited as soon as you're convicted that you're right. Here's another example. You go to a party. The people treat you exactly the way they treat you. Alright. Story story number one. They rejected me. They hated me Versus they were not really my people. Okay. Exactly. The same circumstance, very different emotional energies. So starting with circumstances are neutral, stories are not typically neutral. They tend to be emotionally charged. It's the story that determines how we feel. It it's the story that determines the belief that we carry forward from the event. And that, in turn, is going to determine what we do next Because how we feel is what causes how we show up, and how we show up creates our results, and that becomes our new circumstances. So you can see there's a a cycle, a process that rolls out every time we experience something and make a narrative about it. Your life is shaped less by what happens than by the story you tell yourself about what happened. Now these stories become self fulfilling because we're not done yet. Do you remember in the positivity model, we start with evaluation, but then at some point, we move into creation mode. And this is creation of what is to be. It doesn't even exist. We haven't created it yet. We have something to do with what's coming. But it's it's that evaluation that creates the emotional energy that we take to the creation game. And that's why stories can become self fulfilling prophecies. We naturally look. Look for and even fabricate and create evidence that confirms the stories we already believe. And what that means is as soon as you adopt the belief, your brain is going to start working on its second job to prove you right. So here are a few examples. People can't be trusted. Alright? That's a story that emerges from whatever interactions we've had with people that caused us to create that story. People can't be trusted. Or I'm not good enough. Have you ever heard that one? Or I'm always really unlucky. Nothing ever works out for me. And because we believe the story, we notice evidence for it. This makes us believe the story even more, which makes us notice even more evidence for it. So this process is what we call confirmation bias. That's a psychobabble term that you've probably heard before, and it simply means that our brain will seek out and even create evidence to support whatever we already believe. And it's always on. You can't turn it off. This explains why two people can live in entirely different emotional worlds even in the same context, with the same circumstances at play in the world around them. So the story becomes a filter. I did an episode a while back about how the unhealed hear wounds, not words. Our stories become the filter through which we hear and interpret life. Remember, your mind is constantly collecting evidence to support the story that you've already chosen. You've heard me say also that awareness precedes choice. It's not bad that you're doing this. It's totally okay, and being aware of it will put you back in position to actually choose your course moving forward. And that leads me to the last point that I wanted to make today. You are the author. You don't always choose what happens. Your circumstances. Who disappoints or hurts you? What life hands you? You don't pick all of that. It's not like you raise your hand and say, oh, pick me. That's what I want. But you always participate in writing the story, in creating the meaning that you then attribute to whatever circumstances you're in. This is good news because we don't have to go back and rewrite history. Thankfully, I've found that I really suck at changing the past. I just don't know how to do that. But we can rewrite the story about it. We can attribute new meaning to it. So think about one of those circumstances in your life. I I remember when I was writing my book and I I went back and forth a little bit about, do I tell them about my bankruptcy? And it was still fairly fresh back then when I published my first book, but I knew that this is the story that I needed to personally rewrite. Does this mean that I'm a failure, or does this mean I enrolled in a very powerful class? And if I'm gonna pay that kind of tuition, I better darn well take home the lessons. Can you do that with your bankruptcy or divorce or job loss or diagnosis or failure or pain? Can you do it with that? None of these things define us. That is simply the context. It's the setting for your story. It's not the hero. Guess who the hero is? And the meaning that we assign to any of those circumstances is our choice. A positive mindset, it's not about pretending. It's not the toxic positivity that takes so much heat in the media, and rightly so. It's choosing and creating and crafting a story about our circumstances that allows us to experience peace in our mind and heart, confidence in our roles and relationships, and reasonable hope for better things to come. The most important story you'll ever tell is the one that you tell yourself. If someone else listened to the story you've been telling yourself lately, what kind of future would they expect you to create? And then if you don't like where your current story is leading you, well, maybe it's time to write a better one. Do you need some help with this? You know, on our new positives platform, we are offering personalized coaching. It's one of the add ons that is, I think, a powerful way that you can challenge your own stories. I know for myself, coaching has been such a valuable asset in my personal and professional development. And one of my coaches explained it to me this way. She said, it's kinda like you're inside of a box, and everything that you experience is just projected on the inside of that box. You don't know what's going on outside of it. You're just in your box. There's instructions for getting out of your box, but they're printed on the outside of your box. Well, this is a dilemma. Right? And that's where coaching comes in. Sometimes we need someone to read the instructions to us that are printed so plainly right there on the outside of our box. Would you like to have more positives in your life? Come over and check out the new positives platform, you can go to liveonpurposeradio.com/positives, and that will dump you right in there. As I mentioned at the beginning of the episode too, we will be rebranding this show. It will still be the same show. I'll still bring on amazing guests. We'll still talk about the principles of positivity on a regular basis to empower your life, and it will come under a new title starting next month, sometime next month, probably later in the month, in conjunction with the launch of our new positives platform. So get on the list. If you're listening to this before, mid delayed August 2026, you can go to that link that I shared with you, live on purposeradio.com/positives. You'll get a free positivity power pack, and you'll be on the list for early notification when we open the doors to our new positives platform. We'd love to have you come play over there. And this is all about upgrading your life and everyone that you're around, everyone within your reach. Did you get what you came for? I certainly hope so. We've heard it. It's time to go apply it. It's live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.