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Transcript

20: The Real Reason You Keep Overthinking Everything · Rewild by Design

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to ReWild by Design, podcast for women in midlife who are ready to burn the rule book, drop the good girl mask, and come home to who they really are.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Marissa, a human design and gene keys mentor, and your guide in this wild woman era.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready for bold conversations, raw truths, and the kind of insights that'll shake you awake.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because midlife isn't the end of your story.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's the point where you finally get to write it your way.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Real talk for a moment.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever walked away from a conversation and then just replayed the whole thing in your head?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like what you said, what they said, what you wish you would have said instead.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you've made decisions and you feel good about it for like five minutes, and then suddenly you are picking the whole thing apart, going back and forth, convinced you got the whole thing wrong.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're getting into today.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because so many people that I've met think they have an overthinking problem, right?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're indecisive.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're like lots of air placements or Libre placements like me, you're like, oh no, I'm just indecisive.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: But no, that's not what's going on.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not an overthinking problem and like your brain won't shut up about it.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is something deeper.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, overthinking is about chasing certainty.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's your nervous system trying to get you to a place where something feels safe enough to move from, right?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: You need to feel body safety in order to move in that direction.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And where you're so sure that you did not say the wrong thing, you didn't pick the wrong option or step into that wrong situation or relationship.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you pull up the playbook, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: You run through every angle, you try to make it make sense, and you're constantly searching for that right answer.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you think about it, the more options appear, and suddenly deciding feels like totally impossible.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you have already made a decision and you just can't let it go.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just again replaying it over and over.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: This probably sounds familiar because if you're anything like me, I was in this place a few years ago, and a lot of people miss the whole point of what this overthinking issue is.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't start at the beginning of a certain situation, it starts after.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's almost always a moment right before that mental spiral where you already knew, right?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: You knew what you wanted to say, you knew which direction you wanted to go to, but you didn't, and you knew something felt off.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: But you second guessed that because we have been so taught so often to give our power away, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's where your mind jumps in to try to solve all of this mess and sort it out.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, a lot of times we say yes to things, or, you know, invitations to go out and go do something, and we're like, I don't really want to, but I feel obligated to, right?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're sitting there trying to figure out you're having maybe you're having a good time, or you're trying to figure out how to get out of this, or convincing yourself it'll be fine, everything will be fine.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: But you knew the point is you knew what you wanted to say, but you held yourself back.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And now, again, replaying that whole conversation in your head and overthinking this pattern kicks in after you override your instincts.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is not before, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't like something that cannot be fixed.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a pattern interruption.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And your brain isn't the villain.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked about this in previous episodes as well.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain is wired to keep you safe.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is genuinely trying to help with what it knows, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It only knows certain things.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's trying to make sense of things and make sure you don't do something that blows up in your face.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But acting on the instinct isn't always comfortable, right?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when we've been told like intuition, like what do you mean by that?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like logic and reasoning are the way to go.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't prove intuition.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's you want to feel backed up, right?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And justified.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And intuition and instinct doesn't necessarily come from those facts, it comes from a place inside your body.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And whether that is, excuse me, claire cognizance, clairvoyance, whatever the clairs are, it lives somewhere inside your body.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And human design points that out as well.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But this overthinking and second guessing creates this feedback loop, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're second guessing simple decisions.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So then you look for confirmation, even if it's just from yourself, or again, looking outside of yourself for that validation.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You replay things over and over in your mind, hoping to feel more confident in what you said or what you wanted to say.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the longer this goes on, the less and less you trust yourself.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not that you don't know, right?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you keep stopping yourself from acting on those instincts.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of what I do in my work with women is we're catching those patterns earlier.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: My clients, we work together in the inside the Nine Centers Mystery School.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: They're not magically going to fix these patterns overnight, right?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is practice.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like going to the gym.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't go to the gym one time and miraculously you are in the best shape of your life.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's practice.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing comes with our decision making in these overthinking, spiraling patterns.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you start to see and show your brain and show your body that it's safe to make these decisions without second guessing, without phoning a friend.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not going through these 15 filters before you commit to something, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: You say what you mean in the moment instead of saving it for your mental replay when you're up at 3 a.m.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: anyway, because you got to pee, right?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't get back to sleep.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you stop needing to analyze everything after the fact just to feel okay and confident about it, right?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that you stop thinking things through, because our brains are a beautiful thing.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: They help us so much in our days, but it just means that you stop asking your mind to do something that your body already took care of.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let that sink in for a minute.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this again is where human design became a complete game changer for me and for some of my clients because human design is this energy map that makes it really clear, no matter what your type, your mind was never meant to be the decision maker.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's designed to process, to observe, to make sense of the world around you, not be the one that is calling all the shots in your life.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: But most of us are using it as our primary decision-making tool, and then wondering why we feel so stuck in our heads all the time.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And let me give you a couple of examples of what that could look like.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say you have a defined sacral.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: You are a generator or a manifesting generator.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your decision-making superpower lives in your gut, your gut instinct, that immediate visceral yes or no that comes even before your brain has time to weigh in on the options.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've been overriding it for years or decades, trying to logic your way into answers instead, of course you're exhausted.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you don't feel aligned.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're bypassing what your body already knows.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your sacral knows what you have energy for and what you don't.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or let's say you have emotional authority and your process looks a little bit different.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: You are designed to move through this wave of feelings.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're designed to feel into a situation in a decision.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't indecision.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's rewrite that narrative and don't let other people pressure you in to feeling like you're indecisive.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're literally weighing out the feeling throughout that emotional wave.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because your body needs time to settle into what is a yes or what is a no for you.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: But when you rush into that mental analysis, you just end up more confused.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that decision that you entered in, if it was maybe a no somewhere along the wave, it's gonna be kind of a little bit more of a chaotic energy in that experience.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or very kind of similar but different to sacral authority is splenic authority.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your body speaks in these quiet, split-second signals.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It is like if you blink, it's gone.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: So this one I find, especially I have it, so I've learned firsthand what this ends up being like.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times it's so quiet and our minds are so loud, we let our minds override that instinct.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this pattern is the same across everything.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your body has the answer.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you are a reflector and you have lunar authority, you feel into your body and where you are in the environment and where the moon is in the cycles, in the days that leading up to your decision.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And again, our conditioned mind has been trying to run the show and trying to write a better decision for you just to keep you safe.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: But when you start working with your design and stop forcing things that don't work for you, you start to feel a little bit more at ease with your decisions.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Again, like that gym analogy, you're putting in the work, you're practicing these things of trusting your decision-making superpower.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're trusting what your body is telling you.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the more and more that you are getting that feedback and that positive feedback loop, like I trusted this sacral yes, and hey, it looked, it worked out really well.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or I said no to this commitment, and the world did not end.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're training ourselves that it is safe to really trust what the body's wisdom is.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And your mind finally gets to relax a little bit and do the job it was designed for, making sense of the world and not running it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like overthinking is just your default mode, start by looking at what happened right before that mental spiral.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like what did you feel?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: What did you already know?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And where did you go against it?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And let's do this without judgment.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're just going to take a look at it and notice it with compassion.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: That is the moment that is really important.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not like the 10 minutes after where your body is, sorry, your brain is trying to frantically figure it all out.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice that pattern and maybe try making new decisions, even with the small things.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want a good place to start practicing this, I have my free energy snapshot audio that comes alongside with your free human design chart on my website.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it shows you exactly as your human design type how you're wired to make decisions and stop those mental spirals.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are the woman who is already seeing this pattern in real time and want support in changing these patterns, in looking to the deeper levels of what is happening, go ahead and join the Nine Centers Mystery School.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is the place for women to do this in community, to do it with support, where you can be yourself.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to overthink it.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll link both in the show notes.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have questions, feel free to send me an email or send me a DM on socials on TikTok or Instagram.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you want a topic that you'd like to hear on the podcast, let me know.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am all ears, all about the feedback here.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for listening.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's it for this episode of Rewild by Design.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I trust that you got what you needed here today.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, you don't need another checklist.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: You need your own voice back.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: So go out, live a little louder, a little freer, and a hell of a lot more like yourself.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you next time.