Latest / Mooney's Mythic Podcast / Carolyn Hillyer and the hag road

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Carolyn Hillyer and the hag road · Mooney's Mythic Podcast

0:04
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Mooney's Mythic Podcast,
0:07
SPEAKER_01: a rootle about in the handbag of your host Sarah Mooney's mythic,
0:12
SPEAKER_01: soulful,
0:13
SPEAKER_01: wild,
0:14
SPEAKER_01: dull life.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for being here guys.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: It's just me and you and my fire and a candle and a drum and a memory of the
0:25
SPEAKER_01: weekend and I'm really happy to be here.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm so, so happy.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: I mean I love having guests on, don't get me wrong, the winter rain was
0:35
SPEAKER_01: And it was fascinating listening to and watching Eloise in her process of
0:41
SPEAKER_01: connecting with spirit through song.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't know what I'm talking about,
0:46
SPEAKER_01: then head back to some of the previous podcasts and have a listen.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: They are a real treat.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: but i love it when i've got you all to myself and i'm here staring into the heart
1:00
SPEAKER_01: of my fire and really feeling very very grateful to be able to connect in this way
1:09
SPEAKER_01: to be able to share my heart and my dreaming in this way so i really appreciate you
1:17
SPEAKER_01: being there and um yeah reach out send a message let me know um
1:24
SPEAKER_01: what's moving you, what you're enjoying.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: I loved,
1:26
SPEAKER_01: I had a message from my friend Tess the other day and she said that she was
1:30
SPEAKER_01: listening to the podcast in her car and it was the winter rain one,
1:35
SPEAKER_01: I think,
1:37
SPEAKER_01: and a fox was crossing the road but it stopped and it looked at her and then so she
1:42
SPEAKER_01: wound down her window and let it listen to the podcast for a bit and then she saw a
1:49
SPEAKER_01: police car so she drove off but then the police car stopped her and
1:53
SPEAKER_01: and asked her what she was doing.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: And she had to tell the policeman that she was letting the fox listen to her podcast.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: But she didn't get into any trouble.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: So,
2:08
SPEAKER_01: yeah,
2:08
SPEAKER_01: just widening my field of vision,
2:12
SPEAKER_01: widening my field of listening to all the unseen who may also be tuning in.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: That feels really good.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: So I've got a great weekend.
2:27
SPEAKER_01: I think I have to take my bra off, guys.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: It's just like... Oh, yeah, there we go.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: Just loosening it up.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, now I've landed.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: I knew there was something that wasn't quite right.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: Did you like the little tinkle at the beginning of the podcast?
2:45
SPEAKER_01: I have listened to hundreds and hundreds of intros and outros and little bits of music.
2:52
SPEAKER_01: um online and um yeah they just all you know when you put colors together and they
2:58
SPEAKER_01: sort of all go gray it's a bit like that so right now I'm just going for a bell but
3:02
SPEAKER_01: I am trying to pro up so if you've got any ideas about how I can pro up a bit let
3:08
SPEAKER_01: me know but I've heard that a bit of intro music and a bit of outro music um is a
3:13
SPEAKER_01: good start so I've been I have spent the weekend with Carolyn Ilya's
3:20
SPEAKER_01: New paintings and they are just so juicy and have touched me so deeply.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: So I want to just talk about Carolyn Hillier and some of her work.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: She's an artist.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you a bit more about her in a minute.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: She's an artist and she...
3:39
SPEAKER_01: lives on the moors and she's dedicated I just feel this uncompromising dedication
3:45
SPEAKER_01: to bringing through what the unseen places that are being asked to bring through to
3:53
SPEAKER_01: come through her she's a painter and a
3:57
SPEAKER_01: singer and a weaver and a traveller really bringing if the good company that I have
4:05
SPEAKER_01: felt and experienced through Carolyn's work if any of my work can come close to
4:11
SPEAKER_01: offering that to to people to anyone I really it's something that deeply inspires
4:18
SPEAKER_01: me around how creativity can
4:22
SPEAKER_01: really accompany us we can use our creativity to reach out to people and and wrap
4:27
SPEAKER_01: around and accompany them so carolyn wrote a book i read it six or seven years ago
4:38
SPEAKER_01: called pete and it was called the hag oh no that one's not pete is it well anyway
4:44
SPEAKER_01: it's called book of hag book one i can't see it but it's around somewhere
4:51
SPEAKER_01: And it was such a delight,
4:55
SPEAKER_01: such a beautiful expression of experience of a woman sharing her experience through story,
5:04
SPEAKER_01: through magic journal extracts,
5:06
SPEAKER_01: short stories,
5:08
SPEAKER_01: really about stepping into becoming an older woman.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: In this life and what we can remember from our ancestors,
5:18
SPEAKER_01: because we we're having to remember and we're having to make it up,
5:21
SPEAKER_01: guys,
5:22
SPEAKER_01: because the way that old women are represented around us.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: there's no sucker in it for us you know I was thinking that old women they're
5:33
SPEAKER_01: represented like kind of um bitter and arguing or napping and farting and I was
5:39
SPEAKER_01: thinking that really the real experiences I've seen of that the last time I saw
5:44
SPEAKER_01: that was in the houses of parliament you know there's those old men and some women
5:49
SPEAKER_01: but kind of locked in and fighting against each other and
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And that's not what Carolyn's bringing.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: She's bringing images, young and old, of wildness and freedom and power and naturalness.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: And she has this
6:07
SPEAKER_01: oracle deck an oracle deck is like a kind of like you know like a tarot deck with
6:12
SPEAKER_01: lots of different pictures so you might pick a card with a picture on it and that
6:16
SPEAKER_01: picture might inspire you or or you might journey with it sometimes i i pick a card
6:21
SPEAKER_01: before a storytelling i've got a few different sets but this one is is really deep
6:26
SPEAKER_01: and really good company and i've picked a card
6:30
SPEAKER_01: for us, for this pod today.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to read a little bit about what this card says.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: But first of all, I'm going to describe to you the woman that is with us now.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: Solitude, the dissolving woman.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: And she has a sickle moon, a very thin moon to the left of her.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: And she's haunting, haunting her eyes and
6:58
SPEAKER_01: looking out at me with such grace and such sadness and her chest is bare and she
7:05
SPEAKER_01: has one breast her left breast and where her right breast would be there's a long
7:11
SPEAKER_01: scar and in the hand which is next to the long scar she's got a a bright red she's
7:18
SPEAKER_01: got a spindle like a wooden stick with bright red wool wrapped around it and around
7:23
SPEAKER_01: her waist she has a a black spiral
7:29
SPEAKER_01: And this is what I'm going to read some of the words that Carolyn's written to accompany her.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: Solitude, the dissolving woman.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: She honours the burden of wounds.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: Just as I say that, she honours the burden of wounds.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: Let's feel our scars, whether they're mental or emotional or physical.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: Let them come to the surface as I read this.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: Let them listen as I read this.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: And each of the cards is broken down into three sections.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Her yarn, her braid and her cloth.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: And her yarn is a description of who she is.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: Her braid is
8:22
SPEAKER_01: the way that she um the way that her medicine weaves together and her cloth is is
8:32
SPEAKER_01: like at the end of a tarot you may have like the meaning of the card and her cloth
8:36
SPEAKER_01: is that that's very simple i'm sure that um carolyn would put it differently i feel
8:44
SPEAKER_01: i feel um
8:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, honoured to be able to read these words, but also I feel my uncertain places of getting it right.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: She had been wandering for a very long time across the bleak moors with the matted woman at her side.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: She craved solitude, but of course the matted woman always came too.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: How endlessly those grey days unfolded.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: walking with the tenacious matted woman,
9:17
SPEAKER_01: following so close behind,
9:18
SPEAKER_01: treading on her heels,
9:20
SPEAKER_01: breathing down her neck,
9:21
SPEAKER_01: plucking at her shoulders,
9:22
SPEAKER_01: pressing so near.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: She hated that hand-trembling, jaw-clenching creature she had made.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: She loathed its persistent keening and its droning voice that dulled her senses.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: She was trapped by the wounds and weaknesses of the matted woman, and she despaired of ever being free.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: She tried to walk but the matted woman grabbed her legs and she struggled to drag
9:47
SPEAKER_01: the heavy weight over the ground.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: She needed to rest but the matted woman lay across her body, plucking, clutching, claiming her.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm really feeling that.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm really feeling my own lack of attendance to places in myself that then become
10:07
SPEAKER_01: entities in their own right.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: And I can't move for them.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: The sound of my voice, the whining of my voice or the complaining or the blocked places.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm really, really feeling them.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to read all of it.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to read a little bit of her braid.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: Here is the midwife of everything that ends and breaks.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: The last fibres of life are laid across her hands as fragile threads and she is
10:39
SPEAKER_01: turning them onto her winding spool,
10:41
SPEAKER_01: measuring out the passing time.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: She spins the endless fibres of human lives towards their endings,
10:49
SPEAKER_01: marked with black feathers hanging from the spool.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: She is dissolved, dismembered and dismantled by her wounds.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: A mourning skirt is patched with the tattered fragments of women's sad stories.
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SPEAKER_01: Into this compassionate cloth are caught words that describe hard journeys, shadows and tears.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: Really thinking of all your hard journeys, sisters.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: Really thinking of all the stories that you hold in your hearts and your bodies.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
11:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling like,
11:32
SPEAKER_01: let's bring our stories to the fire,
11:34
SPEAKER_01: let's bring our stories to the light,
11:36
SPEAKER_01: let's share our stories.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: Those ragged shreds are saved from disintegrating completely as women's lives are
11:47
SPEAKER_01: sewn onto the cloth and the memories of them made stronger.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: Because their sorrows are not forgotten, the mother lines of women become healed.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: The black moon presides over scarred wounds and mourning skirts.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: A woman may travel inside the waning light and the darkening night and be revealed
12:05
SPEAKER_01: only inside of shadows as her circle road moves on.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: I think it's really a cultural thing that we hide our scars and if we can bear to
12:23
SPEAKER_01: reveal them and share them and if there are more and more places where those
12:28
SPEAKER_01: those scars can be seen and keened over and loved I think it's really good for us
12:38
SPEAKER_01: her cloth loneliness is our precious gift solitude can give us back time we have
12:44
SPEAKER_01: lost and a wide empty space in which to wander without purpose or constraint in
12:50
SPEAKER_01: this place all life slows and becomes suspended
12:56
SPEAKER_01: That's what we miss when we switch on our screens,
13:02
SPEAKER_01: when we distract for 10 minutes,
13:03
SPEAKER_01: for half an hour,
13:04
SPEAKER_01: for 12 hours,
13:05
SPEAKER_01: whatever with a screen.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: We're missing that dropping into solitude.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: Like the fear of loneliness and the desire for distraction keeps us up.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: of year because Christmas is coming with all of its razzmatazz and it's going to
13:25
SPEAKER_01: try and do that but we're going to hold on tight to our connection with the fire
13:31
SPEAKER_01: and to our solitude and our tending our sadnesses.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: We may be thinned out by the work of letting go.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: There is so much scraped away from us, more than we could have imagined and in ways we never anticipated.
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SPEAKER_01: We've been left only with these gaping, hungry wounds.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: but there is release in the diamond clarity of being stripped to the core.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Perhaps only in this moment,
14:03
SPEAKER_01: with nearly everything peeled away,
14:05
SPEAKER_01: do we truly understand the value of what remains.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: And grief will pursue us if we try to avoid the sorrow of our wounds.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: It will sit quietly, working its roots down into our souls.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: But when we are wrapped in quiet isolation, we may walk more closely to our sorrows
14:24
SPEAKER_01: and come to understand the nature of the journey that we share.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: We know that in the end our wounds have the power to change us and we will find
14:33
SPEAKER_01: relief in this haven of wept tears.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: True isolation may take us to liberation, a liberation we did not even know was there.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: The protection given to us by solitude is without measure.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Let us be unafraid to be alone.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: Loneliness will still be holding us with tender care when all other arms have dropped away.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: You know,
14:57
SPEAKER_01: just before I was recording this podcast,
15:01
SPEAKER_01: my son rang and wants to stay with his girlfriend tonight.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: And I could feel the joy of being alone and also the... of being alone.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: And I'm remembering my friend Emma saying about putting...
15:17
SPEAKER_01: You can put your hands on your heart and it will give you the same feedback loop if
15:22
SPEAKER_01: you put your hands across your chest.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: For a couple of minutes, it'll give you the same feedback loop as a hug.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: So if you just put your hands across your chest and know that we can give ourselves
15:39
SPEAKER_01: everything that we need with our own hands on our own bodies.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Indeed,
15:50
SPEAKER_01: these are the places that we need to practice with and hold so that we can be in
15:55
SPEAKER_01: good relationship with all and everything.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: And I'm remembering that Carolyn shared at the weekend that she,
16:05
SPEAKER_01: when she'd finished the paintings,
16:06
SPEAKER_01: she went to the remotest part of these islands that she could,
16:10
SPEAKER_01: very far north,
16:12
SPEAKER_01: up to the highlands and a ferry to an island and to give thanks to
16:18
SPEAKER_01: the women who had come through and manifested in these paintings?
16:28
SPEAKER_01: Where's the most isolated place that we could go to so that we could really,
16:35
SPEAKER_01: we can really deeply listen and give thanks?
16:44
SPEAKER_01: So this,
16:45
SPEAKER_01: these new books,
16:46
SPEAKER_01: she actually had two books,
16:47
SPEAKER_01: but I just bought one because,
16:49
SPEAKER_01: um,
16:50
SPEAKER_01: you know,
16:51
SPEAKER_01: you know how it is.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm very much looking forward to, uh, getting the other one as well.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: But this book, Book of Hag, it's, it's Pete and Pete's spelled P-E-A-T.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: And it's, uh,
17:06
SPEAKER_01: It's threaded through with many other stories.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: It's got a story of a woman called Pete threaded through it and I haven't read it properly yet.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: But I've got it in my hands and it feels good in my hands.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to read a little bit to you and I want to thank you Carolyn for saying
17:28
SPEAKER_01: yes to me reading some of your work in this way and I hope I
17:35
SPEAKER_01: do it justice.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: But before I read from the book,
17:39
SPEAKER_01: I want to share with you how it was to walk into that room and to see these 14
17:47
SPEAKER_01: women painted in a semicircle in this huge room.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: They were so bright and so alive, all hags, all older.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: And I was breathless with the
18:06
SPEAKER_01: reflection of older women filled with life and magic and majesty.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't really until that moment that I had given much thought to that fact
18:20
SPEAKER_01: that I hadn't seen that,
18:22
SPEAKER_01: that that's not in our culture,
18:27
SPEAKER_01: in our way.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: And she's birthed this whole
18:31
SPEAKER_01: this whole new mythology for us to live into of 14 magical spirit women who we can
18:43
SPEAKER_01: connect with,
18:44
SPEAKER_01: who can hold us,
18:45
SPEAKER_01: who...
18:46
SPEAKER_01: We can listen to and sing for and worship and leave offerings to and enjoy walking our hag road.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Enjoy walking forward, getting older and older and older and older and really enjoy it.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: So this book, I'm just going to open it.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: It's black.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: It's as black as peat, my friends.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, the first bit.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: It says a note about the proto-Celtic language.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Now, Carolyn's got a dictionary I've got here called Her Bone Bundle.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: being a lyrical exploration into the mythic spirit of the 4,000-year-old
19:30
SPEAKER_01: proto-Celtic ancestral mother tongue and her imaginative reawakening for song,
19:36
SPEAKER_01: celebration and ceremony of the wild earth.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: It's a book of words.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: It's so precious.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: This language that was spoken on this land,
19:51
SPEAKER_01: And it was they emerged from the early Bronze Age.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm reading from Pete now.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: They emerged from the early Bronze Age of Central Europe,
19:59
SPEAKER_01: then travelled northwest to reach the islands of Britain,
20:03
SPEAKER_01: where they were later re-spun into the Celtic languages.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: So this is before proto-Celtic, before Celtic languages.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: It ceased to be a living language,
20:13
SPEAKER_01: but has been partly reconstructed by academic linguists,
20:16
SPEAKER_01: resulting in a series of detailed but dry lexicons.
20:20
SPEAKER_01: Not this one.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: Not this little book of Carolin's.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: Since I slipped into the lap of this language,
20:28
SPEAKER_01: I have been working to reawaken these bone words,
20:31
SPEAKER_01: to kindle the life inside their marrow and to burnish their meanings.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: So we might use them to anchor the ancestral resonances of the land,
20:40
SPEAKER_01: to communicate with the spirits of wild nature and to honour the sacred earth.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: So I'm just going to open this book of words at random and pick a word for you.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: Ludo, hindrance, obstacle on the trail.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: Ludo.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Walna, lead, guide.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: Wallow, wall.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Wamba, womb.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: Wanda, tears.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: And I could go on and on.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: But I think if you can get hold of one of these books,
21:29
SPEAKER_01: Her Bone Bundle,
21:30
SPEAKER_01: and just use these words out loud.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I put them in my stories.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I just say them out loud by the fire.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: So it's an offering, a remembering.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: I want to read some things from this book before you go.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: And I want to find something.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: What should I read?
22:02
SPEAKER_01: There's in here, I'm not going to read it out to you, but but in here she talks about the rules of hag.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: And in the first book, there were more rules of hag.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: And she read this this extract and she talked about losing a fanny hair.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: that it's something that your armpit and your funny hair falls out when you're older.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: I remember that looking after my gran,
22:23
SPEAKER_01: which reminded me that my gran's party trick when we were younger,
22:29
SPEAKER_01: when we had parties,
22:32
SPEAKER_01: she would,
22:32
SPEAKER_01: if we were having a family party and someone might be playing the piano or,
22:38
SPEAKER_01: you know,
22:38
SPEAKER_01: things going on,
22:39
SPEAKER_01: everyone had their little thing that they would do,
22:41
SPEAKER_01: she would disappear for a while and she would come back dressed in a nappy.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: she would come back like totally naked except for a nappy and a dummy and she'd
22:50
SPEAKER_01: kind of sit on people's laps and um and as weird or wonderful as that sounds I
22:57
SPEAKER_01: think we should bring back all bringing something to a party or whether it's a few
23:02
SPEAKER_01: words my my friend Billy the Celt was telling me that he used to play in Scotland
23:07
SPEAKER_01: when they were younger it would be like spin the bottle and when the bottle landed
23:10
SPEAKER_01: on you you did your turn whatever it was it could be a
23:13
SPEAKER_01: a tap dance or a recipe or a piece of advice or something like that and that feels
23:18
SPEAKER_01: good to me so yeah and i sat down for this i'm going to read this um hymn of the 14
23:28
SPEAKER_01: to honor these um these 14 paintings that is in this book but when i i sat down um
23:35
SPEAKER_01: in the evening to once again be in the presence of these amazing paintings and
23:40
SPEAKER_01: caroline was singing
23:43
SPEAKER_01: I'd wanted to look impressive,
23:46
SPEAKER_01: so I'd worn some boots that I hadn't worn for ages,
23:49
SPEAKER_01: and they'd given me a right old blister.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: I could barely walk by the time I got there.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: And I sat down next to a woman, Fiona, and I was saying, oh, I've got blister.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: and um oh she said you need a compede and I thought for a minute compede I know
24:04
SPEAKER_01: that word compede I thought I've got one in my wallet um don't know why maybe from
24:11
SPEAKER_01: a blister years ago but I had a very old blister plaster a compede in my wallet and
24:17
SPEAKER_01: I got it out and she said are you it's saying something isn't it when the latex in
24:21
SPEAKER_01: your wallet is a is a blister plaster and um I thought I'd just mention that as
24:27
SPEAKER_01: it's um uh
24:31
SPEAKER_01: relevant to this hag road that we are walking,
24:34
SPEAKER_01: to this older walking into the thrill and the depth and the wonder and the majesty
24:44
SPEAKER_01: and the wisdom and the presence of becoming older.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: Hymn of the Fourteen
24:54
SPEAKER_01: We have no map of this dying forest until we find a fragment of bark that leads us
24:59
SPEAKER_01: to a shred of leaves,
25:01
SPEAKER_01: that points us towards a wither of buds,
25:03
SPEAKER_01: that marks us for a ruin of petals,
25:06
SPEAKER_01: that guides us to a crush of berries,
25:09
SPEAKER_01: that shows us where a shrivel of seeds has been cast so neglectfully around.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: We collect all these scraps into a mound.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Our desolate hands are strengthened by the pure touch of them, the extraordinary promise of them,
25:23
SPEAKER_01: Our fingers understand that grace exists within this pile of broken forest.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: We have no song to offer to the forest until we hear a murmur of light that leads
25:35
SPEAKER_01: us to a whisper of breeze,
25:37
SPEAKER_01: that points us towards a caress of warmth,
25:40
SPEAKER_01: that marks for us a hint of moisture,
25:42
SPEAKER_01: that guides us to a sigh of green,
25:45
SPEAKER_01: that shows us where a fragile melody has fallen shattered beside our mound.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: We gather the pieces of music into our mouths.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: Our hungry voices are nourished by the pure taste of them, the delicate possibility of them.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: Our bodies understand that strength exists within these scatterings of forgotten songs.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: We have no dream to place into our song until we hear an honesty of sadness that
26:14
SPEAKER_01: leads us to an acceptance of confusion,
26:17
SPEAKER_01: that points us towards an empathy of fear,
26:19
SPEAKER_01: that marks for us a resilience of kindness,
26:23
SPEAKER_01: that guides us to a generosity of heart,
26:25
SPEAKER_01: that shows us where the love we already carry has awakened something in the dying
26:31
SPEAKER_01: forest mound.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: It's like
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
26:58
SPEAKER_01: I remember reading a story of Carolyn's many years ago and there was a song and it
27:05
SPEAKER_01: was very broken and then in the singing,
27:07
SPEAKER_01: the song mended itself.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: And there's a story in the first book,
27:14
SPEAKER_01: it's called The Cosmic Lost and Found,
27:16
SPEAKER_01: I think,
27:17
SPEAKER_01: where a woman's lost all her songs and the woman from the Bureau of the Lost and
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Found
27:25
SPEAKER_01: makes a little net and says, just try, just, just try to make some sounds and maybe they'll come out.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I can catch them.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: And as she starts to sing, the, um, the sounds come out and the songs come out and she does catch them.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, I'm lifting my drum up.
27:44
SPEAKER_01: So I think I'm going to drum and I think I'm going to say, let's all, I feel shy.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: So, um, let's make sounds together as I drum.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: I found out this weekend I've got an irregular heartbeat,
28:26
SPEAKER_01: which I put down to having a regular drumming pattern.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: But I think it's so important for us to make those sounds because they're our bodies speaking.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: They're our bodies coming right up from our root, going out onto the land, making these sounds.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: We're coming back to life through our sound, through our creativity.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: I really believe that.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: I really feel that.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: And I really feel inspired by the way that Carolyn Hillier has been producing work
29:03
SPEAKER_01: that we can connect with so deeply.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: And I've been inspired by the way she's been anchored by the land.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: And I've got a stick and I'm going to intend it with my dreaming for this winter,
29:20
SPEAKER_01: for all that I want this winter to contain,
29:22
SPEAKER_01: for my wildest dreams.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to go to Brides Mound, a place that I've been visiting a lot on the edges of Glastonbury.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to bury it there and I'm going to ask Bridie, who's a Celtic goddess.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: She's a Celtic goddess of poets and bards and blacksmiths.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: And she has this image of a swan.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: A swan is her companion.
29:50
SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to ask her to help me anchor my wild dreams of this winter.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to read a little bit more to you.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: But touching drum, I'll read this to you.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: Where's it going?
30:06
SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then I'm going to spend the winter reading this book.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to savour it and read it to you.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that wasn't the bit.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: I was going to read, but it's opened on that page and it seems to not want to budge from it.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: So here we go.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: A gift quite as precious as life.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: The bear Shidi is stunning.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: She has transformed since the last time I saw her and the shrine is now wildly, wildly vibrant.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: The bear wears woven wool in beautiful colours, rich purple, sky blue and leaf green.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: The flap of ribbons and prayer rags,
30:51
SPEAKER_01: the flutter of silver hair flying unbound,
30:55
SPEAKER_01: the glisten of stones on the cairn,
30:57
SPEAKER_01: the quartz in each pebble enlivened by rain.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: There are small, pure white skulls spinning on threads from the branches.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: Otter, badger and fox now rest in the arms of the Shidi.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Their bones bob delicately in the breeze.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: The mood at the shrine is celebratory and bright.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: The Shidi bear is dancing and the land all around dances with her.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: You feel your body's moving?
31:25
SPEAKER_01: My body's starting to move.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: The birch trees are studded with tiny buds waiting to open.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: Winter was long and slow to arrive, but the spring, just like me, is returning with lightness and ease.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: Tendrils of gratitude float in the air,
31:42
SPEAKER_01: away from the awakening season,
31:46
SPEAKER_01: from nature in her greening,
31:48
SPEAKER_01: from my own peaceful heart.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: I set down my bundle, unstrap the drum and take off my boots.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: I peel away my coat, shawl and cold weather layers until I am standing there just in my old woman's skin.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: The ink scars on my foot and hand shimmer darkly.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: The one by my left eye is pulsing with power.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: My hag body is exhausted, elated and chilled by this early spring day.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, when did you last get naked outside and feel...
32:20
SPEAKER_01: The chill of the grass on your feet and the breeze on your skin and the moon reflecting your flesh.
32:31
SPEAKER_01: So good for us.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: So good for us to do that.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: Let's do it more.
32:37
SPEAKER_01: I dance with the bear.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: I dance with the land on the brink of the birthing of this abundant new life.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: I dance for my journey as Pete and all that I found and was given and all that I will give in return.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: I dance for that strange girl who shook up my journey of ageing.
32:53
SPEAKER_01: with her untamed rebellious ways.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: So loyal and steadfast and loving and brave,
32:59
SPEAKER_01: my heart stretches tight as I dance,
33:01
SPEAKER_01: brimming over with my love for her.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: I dance for the 14 Muknawali, travelling as primordial women and roaming as ancestral wolves.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: I dance for their prayers and their songs and their mystery.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: I dance with the hope that I will not forget any of it.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: I dance for the marshes and peatlands and mires, for the reeds and willows and sedges and moss,
33:23
SPEAKER_01: for the heron wings and owl calls and deer feet that lace through my journey.
33:27
SPEAKER_01: I dance for the trackway and platform and sitvan and tent,
33:31
SPEAKER_01: for the coracle and kettle and needle and drum,
33:34
SPEAKER_01: which all shaped my direction of travel and guided my way.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: I dance for the powerful ice and the far distant edges of everything,
33:41
SPEAKER_01: for the loss and fear and confusion and loneliness,
33:44
SPEAKER_01: and for the return of hope.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Then I dance for dying and death.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: This extraordinary knowing that there are women in the marshes hunting our spirits
33:54
SPEAKER_01: and dreaming our journeys because they're hunters and dreamers.
33:57
SPEAKER_01: Just putting my finger on the page there.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Because these 14 women, they're marsh women, she calls them.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: And they're in pairs.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: One is a hunter and one is a dreamer.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: One is a hunter and one is a dreamer.
34:10
SPEAKER_01: One is a hunter and one is a dreamer.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: And they're there for us.
34:13
SPEAKER_01: They're out there for us.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: She's felt them and she's seen them and she's danced with them and she's sang for
34:18
SPEAKER_01: them and she's listened to them and she's painted them for us.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so grateful.
34:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful in this moment that you've brought a life for us,
34:28
SPEAKER_01: Carolyn,
34:28
SPEAKER_01: these women who can guide us on our journey and give us hope.
34:34
SPEAKER_01: and and and keep us moving keep us moving in the natural ways back to the book
34:45
SPEAKER_01: There are wolves out there waiting by the bend in the river to accompany us once we
34:49
SPEAKER_01: have walked over the bridge.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: And maybe this knowledge is a gift quite as precious as life.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: So I dance for the Walikun with their daughters inside them,
34:58
SPEAKER_01: knowing that one day my trail will curve around to find them again.
35:03
SPEAKER_01: And I dance for you,
35:04
SPEAKER_01: word sister,
35:05
SPEAKER_01: who have stayed with this story through spiralling path and meandering time and
35:10
SPEAKER_01: plenty of weather.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh,
35:12
SPEAKER_01: I see that you too are dancing,
35:14
SPEAKER_01: naked and joyful and free,
35:16
SPEAKER_01: with spring at your heels as you head through the birch trees,
35:19
SPEAKER_01: away and away.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for accompanying Pete through the marshes.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: Until our next meeting, travel well.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that gorgeous?
35:28
SPEAKER_01: And that's two-thirds of the way through the book, so there's just still so much more.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, I'm really looking forward to my winter with that book.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
35:45
SPEAKER_01: Looking at the flames once more, thinking about you, my darlings, my darling listeners.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: I think that's all.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: All for today.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: And next week, I think I'm going to read Arabian Nights.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: So that will be something.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: I was poorly and I remembered that Steiner said that when a child is ill to give
36:20
SPEAKER_01: them really beautifully illustrated picture books to look at.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: So I got down,
36:26
SPEAKER_01: I've got,
36:28
SPEAKER_01: I think there's nine volumes,
36:29
SPEAKER_01: I've only got two of them,
36:31
SPEAKER_01: of Arabian Nights,
36:33
SPEAKER_01: Clothbound,
36:34
SPEAKER_01: and Jane Ray,
36:35
SPEAKER_01: who's a wonderful illustrator,
36:38
SPEAKER_01: does the illustrations.
36:39
SPEAKER_01: So I was looking at the illustrations to begin with,
36:41
SPEAKER_01: but I'm word,
36:42
SPEAKER_01: so I began to read the stories and they were so rich,
36:45
SPEAKER_01: I thought,
36:45
SPEAKER_01: yeah,
36:46
SPEAKER_01: I'd love to do a podcast where I just read to you from Arabian Nights.
36:52
SPEAKER_01: So this podcast comes out on Friday and on Sunday, my journey group starts, my online journey group.
37:03
SPEAKER_01: And right now I've got a space left.
37:06
SPEAKER_01: So if it's yours, jump in to email me, message me.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: yeah any um any connection or sharing of your work of your dreaming i really love
37:21
SPEAKER_01: to hear it but for now i'm getting my new ending sound effect ready to end this
37:28
SPEAKER_01: podcast thanks for listening
37:38
SPEAKER_01: You were listening to Mooney's Mythic Podcast, hosted by Sarah Mooney.