Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The Real Cost of Being With a Narcissist

Transcript

The Real Cost of Being With a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Y'all, today we're talking about the cost of being with a
• 0:03
  narcissist, the cost of being in a touched relationship because
• 0:07
  y'all, it's not free. Being with a narcissist is not
• 0:11
  free. Let's keep it.
• 0:11
  Look, y'all know I like to keep it hot.
• 0:14
  I like to keep it ready hot and ready.
• 0:15
  Like a Little Caesar's Pizza is what I always say.
• 0:17
  And that's what we talking about today.
• 0:23
  It's going to absolutely cost you something to be in a
• 0:28
  relationship with a narcissist. And this is not me trying to be
• 0:30
  funny. This is not me trying to just
• 0:32
  like bring doom and gloom to you because as I diagnose narcissist
• 0:36
  myself, my name is Lee Hammock. If you're new here, like I have
• 0:40
  to let you know this because I talk to survivors and thrivers
• 0:43
  every single day over zoom or in my support group or in the
• 0:47
  channel memberships or whatnot. Y'all, you can find out that in
• 0:50
  mentalillness.net. But it's, I have to let you, I
• 0:55
  have to say this because so many people get into these
• 0:57
  relationships and you don't understand the cost of keep.
• 1:00
  When you keep going back, when you keep picking the phone up,
• 1:03
  when you keep texting them, when you keep opening the door, when
• 1:07
  they show up at your house late at night.
• 1:09
  You don't understand the cost of these relationships until you
• 1:13
  get around somebody that's actually been through it.
• 1:16
  Until you get around somebody that's actually having that,
• 1:18
  they will tell you, hey, look, I've been through the same exact
• 1:21
  thing. You can learn from my mistakes.
• 1:24
  You can learn from my errors. You can learn from my
• 1:26
  experience. And some people do learn from
• 1:28
  their experience. Well, some people, you know,
• 1:30
  there's a there's some stuff going on where they don't think
• 1:32
  it's going to happen to them. Well, I'm prepared for it.
• 1:34
  That ain't going to happen to me.
• 1:35
  I'm not going to waste as much time.
• 1:36
  I'm not going to waste this you it's going to cost you
• 1:39
  something. Now you have to ask yourself, in
• 1:41
  order to fully heal or to start even start your healing journey,
• 1:45
  you have to ask yourself, you want to be with this person.
• 1:48
  Are you willing to pay the price that is going to cost you to be
• 1:51
  with this person? Are you?
• 1:54
  Because it's going to cost you something?
• 1:55
  It's not free, y'all. It's not free.
• 1:57
  Nothing in life is. Nothing in life is free.
• 1:59
  But narcissistic relationship have an astronomical price tag
• 2:03
  attached to them. Are you willing to pay the price
• 2:06
  for this person? Well, it depends on what the
• 2:08
  price is like to give me a number, give me.
• 2:10
  Can we negotiate a little bit? No, there's no negotiation.
• 2:13
  Are you willing to pay the price?
• 2:14
  Because I'm going to tell you what it's going to cost you.
• 2:16
  One of the main thing is going to cost you is your life is
• 2:18
  your, it could cost you your life, right?
• 2:19
  Not just like them unaliving you, not them taking your life,
• 2:23
  but you could, it could cost you your youth.
• 2:26
  It could cost you the, the, the seemingly it could cost you
• 2:28
  seemingly the prime of your life because that right there
• 2:33
  destroys people. Like I'm be real with you when
• 2:37
  I'm talking to people over Zoom. That's the biggest regret that
• 2:40
  most people have is giving them too much time because when they
• 2:43
  give you, when you give a narcissist so much time, they
• 2:46
  are not wasting their time. You are.
• 2:49
  You feel like you're wasting their time.
• 2:50
  You, you feel like you're wasting your time because
• 2:53
  they're narcissists. Their needs are getting met.
• 2:55
  Yours are not right. My as a narcissist, my needs are
• 2:59
  getting met in this relationship, regardless of how
• 3:01
  many times we come together and break up.
• 3:02
  I'm getting my needs met. I'm getting what I want from
• 3:05
  you. You're the person that's left
• 3:07
  high and dry because you're the person that has to sacrifice so
• 3:10
  much to be with me. You do you have to give up
• 3:13
  something. It's going to cost you and a lot
• 3:15
  of times it cost you your time, your life, your energy force,
• 3:19
  your health. Like y'all, it's, it's these
• 3:22
  these relationships have such a stupendous price tag attached to
• 3:26
  them. There's so many people end up
• 3:27
  paying willfully or unwillfully, right?
• 3:30
  Willingly or unwillingly. You're going to pay it
• 3:33
  regardless, right? You're going to pay it
• 3:36
  regardless. And this is what happens to so
• 3:40
  many people. You really, really have to you.
• 3:42
  You're going to pay this price regardless.
• 3:43
  Narcissistic people, toxic ass people are going to cost you
• 3:47
  your life, your time, your youth, your 20s, your 30s, your
• 3:50
  early teens to your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s.
• 3:54
  You'll be 6575 years old, getting broken up with, getting
• 3:58
  discarded, going through the discard phase when you know you
• 4:00
  should have left when you was 20.
• 4:03
  I'm telling you, so many people will tell you this.
• 4:05
  People in my support group, they're in their 50s and 60s.
• 4:07
  They'll tell these young folks like, hello, you 23.
• 4:09
  You're going to be angry as hell when you get 40.
• 4:11
  If you're still with this person you're going to have, it's going
• 4:13
  to take you so much longer to heal because you're going to be
• 4:16
  so depressed. You're going to be so sad that
• 4:18
  you gave this person so much time.
• 4:19
  It's going to take way longer to heal than what it would have
• 4:22
  been if you would have just left earlier because it's going to
• 4:27
  cost you y'all. It's going to cost you your
• 4:28
  mental health. So many people, like I tell
• 4:31
  this, there's so many people right here, not only do
• 4:34
  narcissists need to go to therapy, which is a true, which
• 4:36
  is a fact, which is, which is a fact, right?
• 4:38
  The survivor of narcissistic abuse needs to go to therapy as
• 4:41
  well to heal. Like you have to go to therapy
• 4:44
  too, to heal from it. To heal from narcissistic abuse,
• 4:47
  you have to be probably especially prolonged exposure to
• 4:51
  it. You probably have to go to
• 4:52
  therapy as well to heal from this to, to deal with to to to
• 4:55
  deal with it. You know it's going to cost you
• 4:59
  your mental health because prolonged exposure to
• 5:02
  gaslighting can actually cause brain damage.
• 5:05
  I actually had this written down to do a longer video on, but
• 5:08
  prolonged exposure to gaslighting can actually cause
• 5:12
  brain damage. Imagine giving up giving up your
• 5:16
  brain health for a toxic person, for an abuser.
• 5:21
  Imagine giving up your brain health for manipulator, for an
• 5:24
  abusive, manipulative person. Imagine giving it up for this
• 5:28
  person. It's because you're going, it's
• 5:31
  going to cost you that right there.
• 5:33
  You're going to go to therapy. And I say you're probably going
• 5:36
  to end up with therapy. There's nothing wrong with
• 5:37
  therapy. Of course, I'm a huge proponent
• 5:39
  of therapy. I've been in therapy 8 years.
• 5:40
  I love it. But you don't want to have to go
• 5:42
  if you don't need to. You know what I mean?
• 5:43
  You, if you can avoid it, you might want to avoid it.
• 5:46
  You see what I'm saying? Because it's going to cost you
• 5:48
  your mental health and sometimes y'all, it's going to cost you
• 5:52
  your physical health too. Y'all know it.
• 5:56
  You know it's going to cost you your physical health as well.
• 5:59
  Because so many people that are dealing with narcissistic abuse
• 6:01
  or toxic relationships, you know it's going to cost you your
• 6:04
  physical health. You're like, man, damn, this is
• 6:06
  this is this is hectic. I got to deal with this person.
• 6:09
  I, I'm sick now. Stress has gotten me sick.
• 6:12
  Stress The stress of this relationship has aged to me.
• 6:16
  I get headaches all the time, I get hives, I get alert.
• 6:20
  I have allergic reactions and stuff I've never been allergic
• 6:22
  to before, but now I do. What is what are these?
• 6:24
  What are these? Narcissistic relationship
• 6:27
  narcissistic onset allergies come from right?
• 6:30
  Toxic relationship allergies. Where did they come from?
• 6:33
  You stress, you gained weight, you lost a lot of weight.
• 6:35
  Your head hurts, you get you can't see.
• 6:37
  You get hives. You get acne.
• 6:40
  What's this stuff called? Eczema.
• 6:43
  Eczema. The eczema.
• 6:45
  Eczema when you scratching it We had the flakes.
• 6:47
  Well I think it's called eczema. I'm sorry y'all I'm ignorant
• 6:49
  about that. But it could cost you so much.
• 6:52
  There's so many people in our comment section.
• 6:54
  I do a video about health related issues of narcissistic
• 6:58
  relationship and so many people in the conversation like Headley
• 7:01
  I guess I was sick. He said all the time I was on, I
• 7:04
  was on 19 medications and when I left their relationship, I'm on
• 7:08
  0. It's costing you a physical
• 7:10
  health. Is this the price that you're
• 7:12
  willing to pay to be with this person?
• 7:16
  Is it worth it? Let me work it.
• 7:18
  Put the thing down, flip it and reverse it.
• 7:20
  I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.
• 7:23
  I had to shout at Missy Elliot. But think about that right
• 7:26
  there. Is it worth the price?
• 7:28
  What are you getting? Ask yourself, what are you
• 7:29
  getting in return? I'm sacrificing my mental
• 7:32
  health, my physical health, my time, my youth, my energy.
• 7:36
  What am I getting in return? What are you getting in return?
• 7:39
  And be honest. Be truthful.
• 7:41
  A liar, a manipulator, somebody that you might not even be
• 7:44
  physically attracted to. Like, what are you?
• 7:46
  What are you getting in return? What do you get in return?
• 7:49
  I'm just, well, I'm getting this person.
• 7:52
  What's what is this person? Who is this person?
• 7:54
  Write it down. Be honest with yourself.
• 7:56
  You want to heal, Write it down because it's going to take a
• 7:59
  while to understand, for you to understand, and you're going to
• 8:01
  feel it. It's going to hurt it.
• 8:03
  Yeah, it's going. One of the things that hurt,
• 8:04
  that hurt so many people is writing now is understanding
• 8:06
  what you went through because so many people are going to be
• 8:09
  embarrassed or ashamed of the experiences.
• 8:11
  I can't believe I let that happen, Lee.
• 8:13
  I can't believe that happened to me.
• 8:14
  I can't believe I went through that.
• 8:15
  I can't believe this. I can't believe that.
• 8:17
  Yeah, it can be damn near unbelievable for so many people
• 8:21
  that they have experienced this, right?
• 8:24
  It absolutely truly can. So that's why it's important
• 8:27
  right now for you to write down who this person actually is and
• 8:30
  right now what they're what the cost is, are they worth it?
• 8:36
  Are they there's I'm just telling you all another another
• 8:40
  thing that this relationship can cost you is your relationships.
• 8:43
  Y'all, This is one of the most important things right here.
• 8:45
  These relationships, I mean these, these types of
• 8:47
  relationships can cause you your genuine, authentic, healthy
• 8:50
  relationships. It could cost you your fat, your
• 8:53
  best friends, your siblings might start start reaching out
• 8:56
  to you, your family, your your parents might cut you off
• 8:59
  because they tired of hearing about it.
• 9:01
  They taught you, you went back. Bye.
• 9:04
  I talked to a woman this morning.
• 9:05
  She said if I go back, she said I, if I, I know I can't go back,
• 9:09
  'cause if I go back, my mom said me she would cut me off.
• 9:12
  My dad said he would never talk to me again.
• 9:13
  That's my own dad as I'm a daddy's girl.
• 9:15
  My daddy said if I go back to this house relationship, he'll
• 9:17
  never talk to me again because like they, they didn't put up,
• 9:20
  they didn't help me move out. They didn't call the police on
• 9:23
  this person. They didn't came and got me and
• 9:25
  I went back and they said I'm not doing it no more.
• 9:26
  I can't do them. I can't watch you destroy
• 9:28
  yourself. You know, I, we have to, we have
• 9:30
  to protect that own mental health.
• 9:31
  I, I can't watch you destroy yourself.
• 9:32
  So that's one thing that's keeping her from going back, but
• 9:34
  she's still thinking about going back.
• 9:35
  That's why she talked to me. That was she talking to me.
• 9:38
  You still thinking about going back even after everybody said
• 9:40
  it's going to cut her off because she knows it, because it
• 9:43
  hurts. It's a pain.
• 9:44
  There's pain associated with leaving, ain't it?
• 9:48
  There's pain, it's going to hurt, but it's going to cost you
• 9:51
  your relationship. Sometimes your kids are
• 9:53
  sometimes your kids in this relationship when you're in a
• 9:55
  touch relationship with the other with it could be that that
• 9:58
  child's other parent or it could be a step parent.
• 10:00
  It could be just your boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 10:02
  Sometimes your kids cannot wait to grow up, to get out of the
• 10:05
  house, to get away from you. Sometimes your kids cannot wait
• 10:09
  to grow up and get away from you.
• 10:10
  The toxicity that that they've been kept in, they cannot wait
• 10:14
  to get away from your ass. They cannot wait to get out of
• 10:16
  the household to cut you off. Not just your abusive, abusive
• 10:19
  partner who could or could might, who might or may not be
• 10:22
  their parent, their their other parent.
• 10:25
  They can't wait to get away from you.
• 10:26
  I've talked to the children of narcissistic relationships.
• 10:28
  I've talked to them before. They're like, I wish my other, I
• 10:31
  wish my parent would have left because I had to end up cutting
• 10:33
  them off too. The non abusive parent, the non
• 10:36
  narcissistic parent, I had to cut them off too because I
• 10:38
  didn't want, I struggled my own mental health to to know my mom
• 10:43
  is getting her ass beat. My dad is getting beat up.
• 10:45
  My dad is getting abused. Like so many people are in these
• 10:47
  situations that they wish the other parent would leave.
• 10:50
  Right? I know it sucks to even hear
• 10:51
  that, but it can cost you a relationship with your kids.
• 10:53
  Your best friend might cut you off.
• 10:55
  I know people like, well, if they cut you off because you're
• 10:57
  the top relationship, Lee, they're not, they're not your
• 10:59
  friends in the 1st place. Yeah, there they can be an
• 11:01
  argument. I can see how there can be an
• 11:02
  argument made for that. But you also going to understand
• 11:05
  that other people can set boundaries with you too.
• 11:07
  Y'all other people can set boundaries with you to say, hey,
• 11:10
  look, I don't I'm going to be your friend.
• 11:12
  But you can't talk about them no more.
• 11:14
  I don't want to hear about them no more.
• 11:15
  We've told, I've told you my piece.
• 11:17
  I can't. I can't hear it no more.
• 11:19
  And then you do it again and they cut you off and then you be
• 11:21
  mad, you mad at them for cutting you off because they say, hey, I
• 11:24
  told you this person is abusive. I look, you are, but you become
• 11:27
  a buzzkill around everybody else.
• 11:28
  But everybody's having a good time.
• 11:30
  You come over there crying about your abusive relationship that
• 11:32
  they've told you to leave 25 times and you went back before
• 11:35
  they help you move out. You know what I'm saying?
• 11:37
  And you went back and they just like, look, we can't hear it no
• 11:38
  more. We can't deal with it no more.
• 11:40
  You can see how they can. They can cost you your
• 11:41
  friendships. They can cost you your genuine
• 11:43
  friendships, your genuine relationships.
• 11:45
  This can cost you those. There's a price tag attached to
• 11:49
  toxicity. There's a price tag attached to
• 11:52
  toxic relationships. Are you willing to pay the price
• 11:54
  for them? Of course it can cost you money
• 11:56
  like we only need, we only, I'll try to keep these videos about
• 11:59
  12-13 minutes. So of course it can cost you
• 12:02
  your finances or your drink. It could cost you literally,
• 12:04
  literally could cost you your future, your future endeavors,
• 12:07
  your future dreams, your hopes and dreams go right, go right
• 12:10
  down the drain because you wanted to give this toxic person
• 12:13
  another chance because you didn't want to leave.
• 12:16
  You know what I'm saying? Again, I'm not telling you to
• 12:18
  leave. I'm just saying, hey, weigh your
• 12:19
  options. Think about what it is costing
• 12:21
  you. What the, what is the, what is
• 12:22
  the price tag that is attached to this toxic relationship and
• 12:26
  write it down. Write down the price tag in the
• 12:27
  conversation if you want to or write it down in your own
• 12:29
  journal. I would love to see people, I
• 12:31
  would love to see the price tags that you've attached to this and
• 12:34
  is it worth it? What are you?
• 12:36
  What is the cost versus the benefit anyways?
• 12:39
  Y'all? Hit the subscribe button.
• 12:40
  You haven't already. Click one of the videos on the
• 12:41
  screen right here to watch another one.
• 12:43
  YouTube, pick one of the videos. YouTube said best for you, best
• 12:45
  for viewer. So YouTube, pick one of these
• 12:47
  videos for you. Hit the subscribe button y'all
• 12:49
  and I'm out. Peace.