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X Minus One - "Skulking Permit" (Old Time Radio, 1956) · X Minus One | Old Time Radio

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: February 15th, 1956, brought NBC Radio's episode 38 of X-1,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Skulking Permit. Adapted by Ernest Kenoy from Robert Sheckley's galaxy
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: science fiction story, it takes us to New Delaware, an
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Earth colony long separated from the wider human community. Word
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: arrives that an official inspection is on its way, and
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the colonists must demonstrate that their peaceful settlement still observes
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: the customs and institutions expected by Earth. The mayor turns
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: to Tom Fisher for an unusual civic assignment. Dick Hamilton,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Wendell Holmes, Joe DeSantis, and Ruby Dee are heard in
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: the cast. Daniel Sutter directed. X-1 was presented by NBC
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction magazine. And now, we
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: return to the original broadcast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: In just a moment, X-1.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: But first, how does one man get himself into so
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: many impossible situations... Well, this is a question you'll probably
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: ask yourself tomorrow night when you follow another hilarious misadventure
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: of Throckmorton P.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Gildersleeve.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, Gildy's eye for the ladies and his impulsive temperament
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: managed to entangle him in a web of riotous circumstances.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Be sure to join the romantic water commissioner, his neighbors,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Judge Hooker, Mr. Peavy, and all the loyal Gildersleeve household
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: as they romp through another episode of The Great Gildersleeve
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: tomorrow night. And I'll stay tuned for X-1 on NBC.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: X-1 salutes our Philadelphia station. Its new call letters, WRCV.
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: Countdown for blastoff.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: X-5, 4, 3, 2, X-1, fire.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: of new dimensions in time and space.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: These are stories of the future.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: Adventures in which.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: You'll live in a million could be years on a
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company, in cooperation with
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, presents X minus 1.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Tonight's story, Skulking Permit, by Robert Checkley. August 16th, year 2204.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: To Central Colonial Administrative Authority, Alpha Centauri Sector. From Colonial
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Contact Inspector 37. Subject, Planet New Delaware. Following the procedure
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: outlined in manual for contact with lost colonies, open communication
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: by interstellar radio with New Delaware. This is the first
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: contact established in 200 years. And proceeding on overdrive for
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: personal investigation, situation on New Delaware appears unconventional.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: To say the least.
• 3:41
  Speaker 6: Hi.
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: Hi there. Hi, Billy.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Hi, Tom. Got no time for talking this morning. Got
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: to get this sign up.
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: It's a real pretty sign. No aliens allowed within city limits.
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: What's an alien?
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Beats me.
• 3:54
  Speaker 8: The mayor told me to put it up. He says
• 3:57
  Speaker 8: to me, Billy Painter, you're chief of police, so I
• 4:00
  Speaker 8: want you to paint me a big sign and set
• 4:02
  Speaker 8: it right in front.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Of the town hall. Aliens?
• 4:05
  Speaker 7: Aliens.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's a real pretty word. Billy, Billy Painter, I
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: thought I told you. Take it easy, Mayor. I put
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: the sign up. It's not that. It's the church. I
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: painted it just like you told me. I know, I know,
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: but you painted it wrong.
• 4:17
  Speaker 8: I painted that church with a nice bright red.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: What's wrong with that? I looked it up.
• 4:21
  Speaker 8: It's a little red schoolhouse, not church house. Churches are
• 4:24
  Speaker 8: supposed to be white. Can't keep track of mall, schoolhouse,
• 4:28
  Speaker 8: church house, jail, post office. Got along fine enough in
• 4:32
  Speaker 8: New Delaware for 200 years without them. I know, I know,
• 4:34
  Speaker 8: but we need them now, and we haven't got much time.
• 4:36
  Speaker 8: Where are the carpenter boys? I saw Sam and Marv
• 4:39
  Speaker 8: over at Ed Beers' tavern. Well, Billy, you go down
• 4:41
  Speaker 8: there and tell them that they've got to build us
• 4:42
  Speaker 8: a little schoolhouse. And you paint it red. It's very important. Mayor,
• 4:46
  Speaker 8: when do I get a police chief badge? I read
• 4:48
  Speaker 8: that a police chief always gets a badge. Make yourself one.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Now go on. All right, then.
• 4:53
  Speaker 8: Oh, it sure is hot here. I don't know why
• 4:55
  Speaker 8: the inspector couldn't have come in winter. Oh, Tom, Tom Fisher.
• 4:58
  Speaker 9: Yeah?
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 5:00
  Speaker 8: Tom, I've got a job for you, a very important job. Now, look, Mayor,
• 5:03
  Speaker 8: I'm on vacation. Fish won't be back in these waters.
• 5:05
  Speaker 8: No vacation, not now. He's due any day.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Tom, how would you like to be a criminal?
• 5:12
  Speaker 7: I don't know. What's a criminal?
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Well, come over to my house, and I'll explain.
• 5:16
  Speaker 8: I've got to appoint a criminal, and it looks to
• 5:18
  Speaker 8: me like you're it. You don't mind sitting right next
• 5:28
  Speaker 8: to the interstellar radio, do you? I'm waiting for a call.
• 5:30
  Speaker 8: Thought that thing was broken.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: No, no, it wasn't broken.
• 5:32
  Speaker 8: My father told me always to leave the monitor on
• 5:34
  Speaker 8: recording in case. Just didn't seem to be anybody calling,
• 5:37
  Speaker 8: not for 200 years. Not since that war back on Earth. Uh-oh,
• 5:41
  Speaker 8: it's time now.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: You just listen to them. They said that they would
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: call just at this time. New Delaware. New Delaware, do
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: you hear me? You, Delaware, come in immediately. Yes, yes, yes,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: we hear you.
• 5:56
  Speaker 10: This is Colonial Inspector 37. As I told you in
• 5:59
  Speaker 10: my broadcast yesterday, there's been no contact with the outer
• 6:02
  Speaker 10: colonies for some centuries due to unsettled conditions here. But
• 6:07
  Speaker 10: that's over except for a little mopping up. Now, you, Delaware,
• 6:10
  Speaker 10: are still a colony of Earth and subject to our laws.
• 6:13
  Speaker 10: Do you acknowledge that status?
• 6:15
  Speaker 9: Oh, yes.
• 6:16
  Speaker 8: We called a town meeting last night and talked it
• 6:18
  Speaker 8: all over. We're still loyal to Earth.
• 6:21
  Speaker 9: Excellent.
• 6:22
  Speaker 10: That saves us the trouble of sending an expeditionary force
• 6:24
  Speaker 10: to reconquer you. However, as colonial contact inspector, I will
• 6:29
  Speaker 10: be obliged to make a personal investigation to make sure
• 6:32
  Speaker 10: that you conform fully to the customs, institutions, and traditions
• 6:37
  Speaker 10: of Imperial Earth.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Imperial?
• 6:40
  Speaker 7: That's funny. All the books talk about Earth as a
• 6:42
  Speaker 7: united democracy.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: A lot can change in 200 years. And, of course,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: there's been a war. Do you hear me, New Delaware?
• 6:48
  Speaker 6: Oh, yes.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir. We hear you.
• 6:50
  Speaker 10: You realize, of course, there is room for only one
• 6:52
  Speaker 10: intelligent species in the universe, man. All others must be suppressed,
• 6:57
  Speaker 10: wiped out. We can tolerate no aliens.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you understand, General. I'm not a general. I'm
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: a mayor. You're in charge, aren't you? Yes, yes. Then
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: you're a general.
• 7:07
  Speaker 10: Now, be sure you're running an Earth colony, General, with
• 7:10
  Speaker 10: no radical departures from the norm, such as free will,
• 7:14
  Speaker 10: free speech, free elections, or anything else on the proscribed list.
• 7:19
  Speaker 10: It is impossible to administer an empire where everyone does
• 7:22
  Speaker 10: as he pleases. Get your colony in order, General. I
• 7:26
  Speaker 10: will call to inspect you in exactly one week.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: That is all.
• 7:31
  Speaker 8: Well, you see how it is, Tom. Now, Tom, about
• 7:34
  Speaker 8: your job. I'm appointing you town criminal. I don't see
• 7:37
  Speaker 8: why there has to be a criminal. That's a very
• 7:39
  Speaker 8: important part of Earth society. All the books say so, Tom.
• 7:43
  Speaker 8: The criminal is as important as the postman or the
• 7:46
  Speaker 8: police chief. He works against society. If you don't have
• 7:49
  Speaker 8: people working against society, how can you have people working
• 7:52
  Speaker 8: for it? How can there be any more important job?
• 7:56
  Speaker 8: I don't want to do it. Now, be reasonable, Tom.
• 7:58
  Speaker 8: Put yourself in my position. This inspector comes and he
• 8:00
  Speaker 8: meets Billy Painter, our police chief. He asks to see
• 8:02
  Speaker 8: the jail and he says, no prisoners? How can I
• 8:05
  Speaker 8: hold my head up and tell him that we don't
• 8:07
  Speaker 8: have any crime? No crime, he'll say. But earth colonies
• 8:11
  Speaker 8: always have crime. Don't you see that, Tom? Right there,
• 8:15
  Speaker 8: the whole thing falls through. He'll see that we're not
• 8:18
  Speaker 8: truly Earth-like. We're faking it.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: We're aliens. You heard what he said about being rough
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: on aliens.
• 8:25
  Speaker 7: Well, yeah, but why me?
• 8:27
  Speaker 8: Can't spare anyone else. And you've got narrow eyes. Criminals
• 8:31
  Speaker 8: always have narrow eyes. Well, they aren't that narrow.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Tom, please, we're all doing our part. You want to
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: help now, don't you? Oh, I suppose so.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Fine!
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: You're our criminal. Here, I've got this paper all made
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: out for you, just to make it legal.
• 8:45
  Speaker 7: Skulking permit.
• 8:46
  Speaker 8: I know all men by these presents that Tom Fisher
• 8:49
  Speaker 8: is a duly authorized thief and murderer. He is hereby
• 8:52
  Speaker 8: required to skulk in dismal alleys, haunt places of low repute,
• 8:55
  Speaker 8: and to break the law.
• 8:57
  Speaker 7: What's the law?
• 8:57
  Speaker 8: I'll let you know as fast as I make them up.
• 8:59
  Speaker 8: All earth colonies have laws.
• 9:02
  Speaker 7: What do I do?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: You steal and kill. Look, I'll give you a couple
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: of books on it. Steal as much as you like.
• 9:08
  Speaker 6: Uh.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: One murder should be enough. Don't overdo it.
• 9:12
  Speaker 7: Well, it don't sound sensible somehow.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Well, you can work up to it, Tom.
• 9:17
  Speaker 8: Why don't you start off easy, like, by haunting a
• 9:21
  Speaker 8: place of low repute?
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: ¶ ¶ Hello, Tom. I hear you're our official criminal now.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: That's right. I have a beer. How's it going?
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: Well, I've been studying. I can't put my finger on
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: it yet.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Hey, did you get the weapons Mary Carpenter sent over?
• 9:49
  Speaker 7: Yeah, a hatchet, a spear, two knives, and a blackjack.
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: Uh-huh. I stuck myself with a spear, Ed. The whole
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: thing ain't sensible to me. I can't figure out what's
• 9:58
  Speaker 6: the purpose of crime. What do people get.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Out of it? Here's a beer. I tried a new
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: root this time. Tell me how you like it.
• 10:05
  Speaker 11: Hmm.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Very dry. Less filling. How come you ain't out thieving now, Tom?
• 10:11
  Speaker 7: Oh, I'm planning.
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: My permit says I have to haunt places of low repute,
• 10:15
  Speaker 6: and that's why I'm here.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Well, this ain't no place of low repute. You serve
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: the worst meals in town.
• 10:21
  Speaker 10: I know.
• 10:22
  Speaker 12: My wife can't cook. But there's a real friendly atmosphere here.
• 10:26
  Speaker 12: The folks like it, Tom. It's all changed, Ed. I'm
• 10:28
  Speaker 12: making this tavern my headquarters. It's now a criminal lair.
• 10:33
  Speaker 12: Try to keep a nice place and a lot of
• 10:35
  Speaker 12: thanks you get.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: Hi, Tom.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: You steal anything yet? Well, not yet, Mary, no.
• 10:39
  Speaker 7: I'll have a pair of cooler, Ed. Don't worry, Tom.
• 10:42
  Speaker 7: You'll catch on. If anyone in this village.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Can learn, you can. Sure, we got confidence in you, Tom.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Why don't you steal something right now, Tom? Go ahead. Well,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I suppose I could.
• 10:53
  Speaker 7: I brought some keepers in my basket.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: They're real ripe. You could steal those.
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: Well, they are nice-looking keepers, Mary.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Real tasty.
• 11:01
  Speaker 7: Go ahead, Tom.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Steal it. Well, I....
• 11:06
  Speaker 7: These are nice-looking keepers. Mind if I take one out
• 11:08
  Speaker 7: the light and look at it?
• 11:09
  Speaker 10: No, Tom.
• 11:10
  Speaker 7: You go right ahead.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Now, just a minute there. Hi, Billy. What do you have?
• 11:14
  Speaker 8: I'm on official police business. What were you doing with
• 11:18
  Speaker 8: that key for Tom?
• 11:19
  Speaker 7: Just looking at it.
• 11:20
  Speaker 8: I don't think you were just looking at it, Tom.
• 11:23
  Speaker 8: I think you were planning on stealing it. You're a
• 11:26
  Speaker 8: suspicious character. I think I'd better lock you up for
• 11:30
  Speaker 8: further questioning.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, Billy. What are you doing?
• 11:33
  Speaker 8: I'm doing my duty, Mayor. Tom here is looking mighty suspicious.
• 11:37
  Speaker 8: The book says... I know what the book says. I
• 11:40
  Speaker 8: gave you the book. You can't go arresting Tom, not yet.
• 11:44
  Speaker 8: But there's no other criminal in the village. Oh, Billy,
• 11:46
  Speaker 8: don't you understand? This village needs a criminal record. Acting
• 11:50
  Speaker 8: suspiciously isn't a crime. All right, but I was just
• 11:53
  Speaker 8: trying to do my job. I'll still get you, Tom. Remember,
• 11:59
  Speaker 8: crime does not pay.
• 12:02
  Speaker 12: Hey, that's a real slick way of putting it, isn't it?
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: I thought it was kind of catchy. I read it
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: in a book.
• 12:07
  Speaker 7: Well, Tom, go ahead now.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Steal something.
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: I'm not in the mood anymore.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Better get to it soon, and don't forget the murderer.
• 12:14
  Speaker 7: Is it really necessary?
• 12:15
  Speaker 8: Oh, I wish it weren't, but this colony has been
• 12:17
  Speaker 8: here for over 200 years, and we haven't.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Had a single murder. Not one.
• 12:21
  Speaker 7: Oh, I suppose we should have one. No, I'll take
• 12:24
  Speaker 7: care of it.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Good boy, Tom. We're counting on you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 8: Billy, I want you to paint up a couple hundred
• 12:28
  Speaker 8: signs saying private property, no trespassing, violators will be prosecuted,
• 12:33
  Speaker 8: and a dozen saying speed limit 35 miles an hour.
• 12:36
  Speaker 9: What?
• 12:37
  Speaker 8: All we got is those quag horses, and they won't
• 12:40
  Speaker 8: go faster than a walk.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: Never mind.
• 12:42
  Speaker 8: You got to have a speed limit. It's civilized. Well,
• 12:53
  Speaker 8: that's the last of the signs, Billy. You might as
• 12:55
  Speaker 8: well get some sleep. Aren't you going home, Mayor? No,
• 12:57
  Speaker 8: I've got to get out to Fred Farmer's. I appointed
• 12:59
  Speaker 8: him postmaster. Since nobody ever sends letters around here, I
• 13:02
  Speaker 8: promised to help him write all those letters. Well, good night, Mayor.
• 13:06
  Speaker 8: I guess I better be making my rounds.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Good night, Billy. Who's that?
• 13:13
  Speaker 7: Tom?
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Tom Fisher? You out thieving?
• 13:17
  Speaker 7: Who's there?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Don't move or I'll shoot. Hey, Tom, come back. Hey,
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: what's going on out there? What's all the racket? It's
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: the town criminal, Ed. I think I heard him robbing
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: your house. He's made his getaway now. But don't you worry.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I'll get him yet. All right, but get him in
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: the morning, will you? Some of us are trying to sleep.
• 14:02
  Speaker 7: Morning, Marv. How's the schoolhouse coming?
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Fair. Would have come along better if I had my saw.
• 14:08
  Speaker 7: Your saw?
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Left it leaning against my door last night. Wasn't
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: there this morning, Tom.
• 14:14
  Speaker 7: Oh, yeah, your saw. Well, you know how it is, Marv.
• 14:17
  Speaker 7: I had to practice some skulking last night.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sure. Say, do you suppose I could use the
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: saw for a while, just for an hour or two? Well,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 14:26
  Speaker 7: It's legally stolen, you know.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Well, I'd give it back. I wouldn't keep anything that
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: was legally stolen.
• 14:31
  Speaker 7: Well, it's in the house with the rest of the loot. Okay,
• 14:34
  Speaker 7: I'll go borrow it then.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Tom, I've been looking for you.
• 14:36
  Speaker 7: Morning, Mayor.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Did you steal my bronze plaque? I certainly did. Oh,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I was just wondering. You did it just in time.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: You see up there?
• 14:44
  Speaker 10: What?
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: Up there, the black dot near the rim of the sun.
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: Oh, what is it?
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll bet it's the inspector's ship. You got your
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: murder plans?
• 14:52
  Speaker 8: Time is running short, Tom. The inspector may land in
• 14:54
  Speaker 8: the hour now. That darn radio has been yapping at
• 14:57
  Speaker 8: me something about a revolt at Dangpore and all Earth
• 14:59
  Speaker 8: colonies are to prepare for a conscription, whatever that is.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: So let's get that killing over with.
• 15:04
  Speaker 7: I don't know, though.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: Murder? Now, look, Tom.
• 15:07
  Speaker 8: Criminals on Earth commit dozens of murders a day and
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: think nothing of it. All this village wants of you
• 15:12
  Speaker 8: is one little killing? Is that too much to ask? Now,
• 15:16
  Speaker 8: who will it be, Tom?
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: Well, I guess I'll kill George Waterman.
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: Why?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 15:23
  Speaker 7: Why not?
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: What's your motive?
• 15:25
  Speaker 6: I thought you just wanted a murder. Who said anything
• 15:27
  Speaker 6: about a motive? We can't have a fake murder. On Earth,
• 15:30
  Speaker 6: every murderer has a motive.
• 15:32
  Speaker 7: Well, I don't like the way George walks. Never did,
• 15:34
  Speaker 7: and he's noisy.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 15:35
  Speaker 8: That might be good enough for a crime of passion,
• 15:37
  Speaker 8: but you're a legal criminal. Tom, you're ruthless, cold-blooded, and cunning.
• 15:42
  Speaker 8: You can't kill someone just because you don't like the
• 15:44
  Speaker 8: way he walks.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: That's silly.
• 15:46
  Speaker 7: I'd better think the whole thing over.
• 15:47
  Speaker 8: Well, don't take too long. Oh, and Tom, don't forget
• 15:50
  Speaker 8: to leave clues. They're very important.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Have another beer, Tom.
• 16:03
  Speaker 7: I don't mind if I do.
• 16:04
  Speaker 12: Hey, how do you like the way I fixed the
• 16:05
  Speaker 12: tavern over? I hung up dirty curtains, you know. That
• 16:08
  Speaker 12: makes it a dismal retreat. Because I figured if this
• 16:10
  Speaker 12: was going to be your headquarters, it ought to be
• 16:12
  Speaker 12: a real criminal's lair. How do you like the bloodstains
• 16:14
  Speaker 12: on the floor?
• 16:15
  Speaker 7: That's only Billy Painter's root berry red paint. I know,
• 16:18
  Speaker 7: but it looks like bloodstains. Hey, how's the murder coming in?
• 16:21
  Speaker 6: Not so good. I've been thinking about it, Ed. Do
• 16:24
  Speaker 6: you realize I'm supposed to kill somebody? I'm supposed to
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: make somebody cease to exist. I mean, like, take Marv Carpenter.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: Here he is today working on his schoolhouse, big fella. Now,
• 16:34
  Speaker 6: if I kill him, well, he wouldn't work anymore. I've
• 16:38
  Speaker 6: been trying to imagine it. Marv Carpenter lying on the
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: ground with his eyes glaring open and his mouth twisted
• 16:45
  Speaker 6: and never going to hold a piece of wood in
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: his hands again or never going to sing a song
• 16:48
  Speaker 6: or have a beer or anything. which just made me
• 16:51
  Speaker 6: kind of sick. I mean, I could go on with
• 16:53
  Speaker 6: the thieving, but murder... Yeah, yeah, I know, but, Tom,
• 16:56
  Speaker 6: it's your job. It's for the good of the village.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Murder.
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: I'd better have another beer.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Hey, what's that? That must be the inspector's ship landing.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Come on, let's go see. Terminal guard, advance. Set up
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: portable generators and rocket launchers. All personnel restricted to immediate
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: area of the ship. Side arms to be worn at
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: all times. And guards at battle stations. Welcome to New Delaware.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you, General. I'm the inspector. This is Mr.
• 17:34
  Speaker 8: Grant, my political advisor. Is this the capital of the colony? Well,
• 17:37
  Speaker 8: I'm afraid there's only this village on the whole of
• 17:40
  Speaker 8: New Delaware.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Only one?
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: Now, Grant, I told you when we surveyed the planet
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: we were wasting our time.
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: Patience, patience. There's always an advantage in every situation.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: If you gentlemen are ready... Ready? You're going to inspect
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: our village, aren't you? Inspect? I can see it all.
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: At my cost, General. We're ready. Let's inspect your village.
• 18:13
  Speaker 8: You see, we've got it all. Jail, post office, church,
• 18:16
  Speaker 8: little red schoolhouse. Oh, we're very normal.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Very earthy. Rent?
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: I have my efficiency rating to think of. This place
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: is worthless. No smelting, no heavy industry, no atomics, no taxation, no, no.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: They don't have anything.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: Oh, I wouldn't say that, Inspector. If you'll excuse us, General.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Of course. I'll be downgraded at the next colonial board. Why,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: this place is a utopia. It's subversive. We ought to
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: blow it right out of the sky.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: Now, now, don't be despondent, Inspector.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: But this whole trip is a total waste of time.
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: Not entirely. New Delaware has a very important commodity for us.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: What?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: You saw them? Hulking peasants? Nothing but farmers. Yes, strong,
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: healthy farmers. Good cannon fodder.
• 19:02
  Speaker 7: But, but... Oh.
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: Ooh, let me take over. General.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir?
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: How many able young men are there in the village
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: between the ages of 15 and 60?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Five.
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: You see, General, Imperial Earth is engaged in a war.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: The colonies in Dengfu are revolting against the authority of
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Mother Earth.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. We need good, healthy
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: fighting men. Our reserves are depleted.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: We wish to give all loyal colonists a chance to
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: fight for Mother Earth. We're sure you won't refuse. Most
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: colonies welcome a little conscription. It cleanses the blood, reduces crime.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: Crime?
• 19:41
  Speaker 8: Oh, I thought that would come up. We've taken care
• 19:44
  Speaker 8: of that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I appointed... Now, you see, Grant, 60, 70, perhaps 100 recruits.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Not such a.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: A waste of time coming here at all. Perhaps not.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: Sergeant, retail a squad of 50 men armed with portable
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: heat generators proposed a guard in the village.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: All right, Mr.
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: Mayor.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Suppose we go talk this problem over.
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: Tom?
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Tom, you out there? Yeah.
• 20:16
  Speaker 7: I've been skulking out here all day.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I'm hungry. Well, I brought you supper. The mayor sent
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: you a message, Tom.
• 20:21
  Speaker 7: He said to hurry up at the murder.
• 20:23
  Speaker 12: He's been stalling the inspector and that nasty little grint man,
• 20:25
  Speaker 12: but they're going to ask him.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: They're sure to.
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: All right.
• 20:28
  Speaker 7: All right.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I'll get around to it. Tonight.
• 20:44
  Speaker 8: Hey.
• 20:45
  Speaker 7: Hey, wait a minute.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, hello, Tom. What are you doing?
• 20:48
  Speaker 7: You said there had to be a murder, so I.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Now, wait. I didn't mean me. It can't be me.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 20:53
  Speaker 8: Well, for one thing, somebody has to talk to the inspector.
• 20:55
  Speaker 8: He's waiting for me. Someone has to show him how to.
• 20:56
  Speaker 7: Billy Panty can do that. You think a knife would
• 20:58
  Speaker 7: be more fatal in the heart or in the throat?
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: Nothing personal, of course.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Wait. If there's nothing personal, then you have no motive.
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 21:05
  Speaker 8: Well, I guess I could think of one. I've been
• 21:06
  Speaker 8: pretty sore about you appointing me town criminal. It was
• 21:09
  Speaker 8: the mayor who appointed you, wasn't it?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Well, sure. Then look, I'm not a mayor anymore. I'm
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: a general. Look, it's stars, gold braid.
• 21:16
  Speaker 7: Well, what's that got to do with it?
• 21:17
  Speaker 8: Well, you missed the ceremony this afternoon, Tom. Inspector said
• 21:20
  Speaker 8: I had to wear a general's uniform. It was a
• 21:22
  Speaker 8: very friendly ceremony. All the earth men were grinning. They
• 21:26
  Speaker 8: were winking at me and at each other.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, congratulations.
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: But you were the mayor when you appointed me criminal,
• 21:31
  Speaker 7: so my motive's still hold.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, but killing a general isn't murder. It's mutiny.
• 21:35
  Speaker 7: Oh, oh, well, I'm sorry.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: That's all right.
• 21:39
  Speaker 8: It's just that I've read up on it and you haven't. Well,
• 21:41
  Speaker 8: I'd better get back. The inspector wants a lot of
• 21:43
  Speaker 8: the men that he can draft.
• 21:45
  Speaker 7: Are you sure this murder is necessary?
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. Just not me. No luck, huh, Tom?
• 21:51
  Speaker 12: No luck.
• 22:05
  Speaker 7: I just can't do it. Ed, I can't kill anybody
• 22:08
  Speaker 7: in the village.
• 22:08
  Speaker 6: I grew up with them. I've worked with them. I've
• 22:11
  Speaker 6: drunk root beer with them. I don't have any motive
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: for killing any of them. I know, but you do
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: have to commit a murder, Tom. You don't want to
• 22:17
  Speaker 6: let the village down. But I can't kill the people
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: I've known all my life.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: No, I suppose not.
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: Wait.
• 22:22
  Speaker 7: Wait a minute. I got an idea. Ed, suppose I
• 22:26
  Speaker 7: kill the inspector.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: What's your motive?
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: Oh, it would be a very terrible crime. I'd be
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: killing for glory, for fame, for notoriety, and it'll show
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: Earth how.
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: Earthy New Delaware really is.
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: Why, they'll say crime is so bad here that a
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: criminal actually killed their inspector on the.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Very first day. Tom, that's just the sort of thing
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: a master criminal would do.
• 22:47
  Speaker 7: Oh, you think it's a good idea, huh? I think
• 22:49
  Speaker 7: it's great, Tom.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: How are you going to do it?
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: Well, one of those soldiers got drunk on a bottle
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: of your Keebler juice and dropped his gun.
• 22:55
  Speaker 7: I picked it up.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Is that a gun?
• 22:56
  Speaker 7: Yeah, you push this button here.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Hey, look out! I'm sorry, Ed. Now I'll have to
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: get the carpenter boys to fix that hole in the roof.
• 23:04
  Speaker 7: Well, I'll be careful.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Did you kill the soldier?
• 23:07
  Speaker 7: Of course not.
• 23:08
  Speaker 6: Point in killing the wrong man. Well, I better get going.
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: I'll wait for him on the path between the mayor's
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: house and the ship.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Good luck, Tom. Thanks.
• 23:20
  Speaker 9: One, two, three, four.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Keep in line there. Ah, what a sloppy crew. All
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: left feet.
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: Well, it's a nice night's work.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: With those landing parties dying like flies, we can use
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: every new man we can get.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Don't say that.
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: What, are you afraid the mayor will hear me?
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Don't be ridiculous.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: It's a completely passive population. Sheep-like, obedient.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Look at them. No tool with every step.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: What do you expect from backward agrarians? We don't know
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: sergeants get hold of them at the base. They'll whip
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: them into first-class fighting men in no time.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Halt! Stand and deliver! What the... Why, it's Tom. Hands up, Inspector.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I got you covered.
• 24:07
  Speaker 7: Now, the rest of you, drop your guns and move
• 24:09
  Speaker 7: out of the way.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: What? Now, sit here.
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: Now, go on.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Now, drop those guns. Now, what's the meaning of this? Now,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: who are you?
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: Tom Fisher. I'm the town criminal. I'm going to kill Inspector. Now,
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: please move out of the way.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Criminal! So that's what the mayor was prattling about.
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: Now, I know we haven't had any murders in 200 years,
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: but I'm changing that now.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Now, move out of the way.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: Well, I suppose I'd better get out of the line
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: of fire.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Now, wait a minute.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: Wait.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Now, don't move.
• 24:34
  Speaker 7: I know just how to do it. I've been thinking
• 24:36
  Speaker 7: about it. Now, I'll push this button, and you'll die.
• 24:40
  Speaker 6: You'll fall down on the path, and your eyes will open,
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: and your mouth twisted, and no air going in and
• 24:44
  Speaker 6: out of your lungs, and no beat to your heart.
• 24:46
  Speaker 7: And I.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: I can't do it.
• 24:49
  Speaker 9: Here, here's your gun.
• 24:50
  Speaker 7: Take it.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: I don't want it. Quick, quick, after him. Sergeant, take
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: a squad and search the forest.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: Take it easy, Inspector.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: This whole planet is forest.
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: Ten thousand men couldn't find him if he doesn't want
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: to be found.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: But I'll have him hanged on the spot. Oh, I'm
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: terribly sorry.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: Sergeant, have the entire ship's company turned out.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: General, I want all your people out looking for him.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Shoot out sights. Kill him instantly. Oh, we couldn't do that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Although we appreciate the compliment.
• 25:13
  Speaker 7: What?
• 25:13
  Speaker 6: What?
• 25:14
  Speaker 8: That man... He's a criminal. That's what I'm trying to explain.
• 25:17
  Speaker 8: I appointed him. We had to have one.
• 25:20
  Speaker 7: You what?
• 25:21
  Speaker 8: You mean you had no criminals? I... Well, I'm afraid not. Oh,
• 25:26
  Speaker 8: I'm terribly ashamed. You see, we knew how uncivilized we were.
• 25:30
  Speaker 8: That's why we did it.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: I'm dreadfully embarrassed that Tom couldn't handle the job. Well,
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: why did you give the assignment to that particular man?
• 25:39
  Speaker 8: Well, I figured if anyone could kill, Tom could. He's
• 25:41
  Speaker 8: a fisherman, you know. Pretty gory work.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: And he wasn't able to kill the inspector.
• 25:48
  Speaker 8: Well, we just haven't had to kill anything for 200
• 25:51
  Speaker 8: years except fish. The only animals on New Delaware are
• 25:55
  Speaker 8: small grass eaters, and they're not good to eat, so
• 25:57
  Speaker 8: we never kill any of them.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Then the rest of you would be equally unable to kill?
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: We wouldn't even get as far as Tom did.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I want that man found and.
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: Forget about it, Inspector.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: What, what? We'd better get away from here.
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: We want men in our army who can't kill.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, think of it.
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: The morale problem.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: The possibility of infection. One man in a key position
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: endangering a key ship or.
• 26:21
  Speaker 7: Maybe a whole fleet because he can't kill.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: It isn't worth the risk, Inspector. Yes, sir. I see
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: what you mean.
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: Order your troops back to the ship.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: We'll take off at once. Tom! Tom, you can come
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: out now.
• 26:48
  Speaker 7: Tom, they're gone.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: He's hiding around here somewhere, Mayor.
• 26:52
  Speaker 10: Yeah.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Tom! Tom! Here I am.
• 26:57
  Speaker 8: I'm sorry I bungled it. Well, don't feel bad about it.
• 27:01
  Speaker 8: It was an impossible job.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: I'm afraid it was.
• 27:04
  Speaker 8: I thought that just possibly you could swing it, but
• 27:06
  Speaker 8: you can't be blamed, Tom. There's not another man in
• 27:09
  Speaker 8: the village who could have done the job even as well.
• 27:11
  Speaker 7: Hmm.
• 27:12
  Speaker 8: What are we going to do with all those buildings, Mayor?
• 27:14
  Speaker 8: The jail, the post office, the little red schoolhouse, the church? Well,
• 27:18
  Speaker 8: I think we'll build a playground for the kids with
• 27:20
  Speaker 8: swings and slides and sandboxes for them.
• 27:24
  Speaker 7: Another playground?
• 27:25
  Speaker 9: Surely.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 27:26
  Speaker 7: Well, I guess I won't be needing my skulking permit anymore.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: No. No, I guess not.
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: Oh, well.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: We did our best.
• 27:35
  Speaker 8: I had the chance, and I let you all down.
• 27:38
  Speaker 8: It's not your fault, Tom. Look how long it took
• 27:41
  Speaker 8: Earth to get civilized. Thousands of years. And we were
• 27:45
  Speaker 8: trying to do it in two weeks. Well, we'll just
• 27:47
  Speaker 8: have to go back to being uncivilized.
• 27:49
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Well, we better get back to the village. Looks like rain.
• 27:54
  Speaker 7: Well, soon I'll start fishing again.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Say. What is it, Tom? Well, it's too late now,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: but it's too bad I didn't think of it before.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: I might have been able to go through with it.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Think of what, Tom?
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: I think I could have done it if I'd only
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: had the sense to think of the inspector as a fish.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Well, it's too late now. Guess he's just a big one.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: We've got to wait.
• 28:27
  Speaker 11: You've just heard X-1, presented by the National Broadcasting Company
• 28:32
  Speaker 11: in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine. which this month
• 28:36
  Speaker 11: features an unusual story by James E. Gunn, Cylana, a
• 28:40
  Speaker 11: story of what happened when crime suddenly invaded a crimeless society,
• 28:45
  Speaker 11: and where the only way to catch a thief was
• 28:47
  Speaker 11: to manufacture a thief. Galaxy Magazine, on your newsstand today.
• 28:53
  Speaker 11: Tonight by transcription, X-1 has brought you Skulking Permit, a
• 28:58
  Speaker 11: story from the pages of Galaxy, written by Robert Sheckley
• 29:01
  Speaker 11: and adapted for radio by Ernest Canoes. Featured in the
• 29:05
  Speaker 11: cast were Dick Hamilton, Wendell Holmes, Joe DeSantis, Joseph Bolan,
• 29:10
  Speaker 11: Alan Hewitt, Bill Quinn, Mandel Kramer, and Ruby Dee.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Your announcer, Jack Costello.
• 29:17
  Speaker 11: X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: Radio Network production. Let's visit Pepper McGee and Molly tonight.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: on the NBC Radio Network. We leave X-1 with Skulking Permit.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Follow X-1 for more classic broadcasts.