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The Anxiety Trap: Why You’re "Dancing in Your Head" (S05 Ep67) · ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong

0:00
A lot of the times we go into the dance imagining how does
0:04
that person want me to be? For me, embodiment means that
0:10
you are in connection with your own movements and you feel how
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your body touches the body of another person.
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What is the chemistry that we have in our own body?
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What is the texture? What is the emotion?
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What is the feeling that we have in our own body?
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Even people that I talked with that I have been around for many
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years, I still at least sometimes when I go to dance
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with them because there is this deep insecurity that is still
0:34
lives inside of me. And for me, this might be the
0:37
pinnacle of the social dance experience.
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When you are embodied, you are enjoying your movement, you're
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enjoying your vibe, and the other person is also embodied,
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enjoying their movement, enjoying their vibe.
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And that's magical. Yeah, you cannot cheat time.
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If you want to progress faster, you got to spend more time.
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I think a baseline that every teacher can agree is that a
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great social dancer is the one that can dance with the most
1:02
amount of people and execute similar things, instead of the
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dancer who can dance with a couple of people and do the most
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amount of things. Are you dancing in your head
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whilst trying to give your partner the experience you think
1:20
they want? We're talking about the anxiety
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of expectation versus the freedom of bringing your own
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unique vibe to the dance. How do you stop focusing on
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pleasing your partner and start connecting with yourself?
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Well, let's find out. Hello.
1:39
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Zuck Nerds.
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In this episode, I'm joined by Gibrada as we dive into
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mastering your body connection in social dancing.
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We explore the common struggle of leaders and followers who
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dance in their heads, focusing on external expectations rather
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than internal feeling. It's time to understand your own
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texture, elements, and flavors so you can bring a unique,
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authentic contribution and connection to every dance.
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So let's go. Hello everyone, my name is
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Alison, Sanji and Lance. Welcome back to our beautiful Co
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host Gee Brada. Hello, Gee.
2:29
Hello Alison. Hello everybody.
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He's unfortunately just as again problem has left, but excited
2:38
for today's conversation. Things going to be really good.
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In this episode, we are going to be talking kind of an abstract
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subject about our soft skills in social dancing.
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How do we master our own body connection so then we can
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hopefully improve and master our connection with everybody that
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we dance with? This is a conversation that
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we've had so many times between the both of us over this many
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years that we've known each other and with so many people
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around the dance community, and most recently with a student of
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mine here in Taipei. There is this thing that we
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leaders and followers want to be the best dancer for our partner.
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And what we find is that a lot of the times, and myself
3:31
included, I'll put my hands up here we go into the dance
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imagining how does that person want me to be right?
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Instead of bringing myself, bringing my texture, my feelings
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into the dance and hopefully that partner bringing their
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self, their dance, however they want.
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And then both of us meet in the middle and create something
3:58
unique and special. That is the special ideal world
4:03
that we all want to have. But that's not the reality
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because expectations, anxiety, stress, and so many things that
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makes us go into our head, puts us into this situation where we
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think, oh, I'm going to be dancing with that teacher or
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with that dancer and this is how they dance with everybody else.
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So I need to dance like that. Oh my God, Gee, enlighten us
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with your experiences. How has that journey been for
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you? Because for me, it's still
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ongoing as a roller coaster ride.
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Yeah, man, this topic has so many layers.
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I will start talking about my experience with myself in a way,
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let's put it like that in the sense of having social dance,
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having the partner dance sometimes be really focused on
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what we need to do for the other person to like dancing with us.
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So it's more on the output. But, and I think what we're
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talking about here, it is our own input is how we connect with
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our own bodies and our own movements and the way we like to
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move and the way we like to connect, the way we like to
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dance. Before the recording started, as
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we we are discussing the the theme and how to begin the
5:22
episode and how to end the episodes, we were talking about
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the matter of embodiment, where it can be the result of learning
5:31
how to dance and even the idea of environment.
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Even the concept of embodiment can be subjective.
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Many people like people can have completely different concept,
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completely different ideas of what it this word embodiment
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means for me, embodiment means that you are in connection with
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your own movements. And what does that mean as well
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is you feel your movements, you feel your arms move, you feel
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your weight transfer, you feel how your body touches the body
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of another person. So when it comes to this idea of
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dancing with somebody with the goal or thinking about pleasing
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that person and what do I need to do to please that person, We
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ended up being in our heads more than in our bodies.
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So we ended up dancing mechanically, doing the things I
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think just out of muscle memory because we are not fully present
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in our own movements because we are in our heads thinking, is
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this good enough for the person I'm this with?
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Is the person I'm this with enjoying it, liking it?
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That's the thing, man, In my first years here in the as a
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teacher, I felt this interesting pressure that I would put on
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myself that when somebody came to dance with me, they were
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coming to dance with me for a very specific experience.
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So in my head there was this question, this wondering, am I
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providing the experience that I think this person came to
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receive? So many times I would be doing
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the dance that I thought they wanted me to give to them.
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So I was matching what I thought was their expectations of what
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it was to dance with me. And after a little while, I
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started to lose perception of what is it that I like to do?
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What is it that I like to to dance and how is it that I like
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to dance? And allowing myself to move into
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a phase of my exploration as a mover, as a dancer, as a teacher
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of a different vibe. You know, like I think people
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were searching to dance with me because of the connection aspect
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of it, because of the embrace, because of the stillness,
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because of the calm. And even sometimes when the song
7:44
was inviting me to do something else, I didn't because that's
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not what this person wants. This person is coming to me for
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this experience that they think I can give, you know what I
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mean? So it was a process for me to
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allow myself and to open up to you will still get the cozy
8:00
dance. You still get the comfort and
8:02
with the playfulness combined with the jumping combined with a
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little bit of crazy. So it was finding this middle
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ground between, yes, providing that experience while in my body
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now, while enjoying my movements, while enjoying what I
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was doing. I think at this point we have
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enough experience and we have enough understanding of the
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craft that we can more easily find this point in between Dance
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for you and dance for your partner.
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You can do both at the same time.
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It's still difficult in certain cases and we we can talk more
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about this later. But in the end of the day, I did
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went through a phase in which I was dancing in my head many
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times because I was wondering, is this the experience this
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person came to receive? Am I giving this experience that
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I think they came to receive? You know, so I don't know if I
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experienced anything like this as one, but for me in my first
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year, 0 is very present. Oh boy, So, so many times.
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And it's still happening. To be honest, I'm not going to
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sit here and tell everybody that I have mastered this and that
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every dance is exactly how I imagine in the perfection world
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to be. It's not.
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And that's why we feel that there is a huge value to talk
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about this. And this is something that I'm
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just going to make it clear, it happens to everyone in every
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level, students and professionals, everyone.
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But for the sake of making things a little bit easier for
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you to imagine, we can mention teachers, right?
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So for example, when I want to dance with Ghee, I imagine that
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I want to feel like a Paloma, right?
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I want to feel like that movie that I see when Ghee and Paloma
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dance. So I want to become that
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follower, right? So this is the kind of thing
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that we're talking about. And once again, we're not
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talking about just teacher personalities, but for example,
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you see a follower or leader on the dance floor.
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Maybe you've never seen them before and there's something
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special about their dance that you're like, Oh my God, I want
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to feel like that. And then you go and dance with
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the person that was dancing with them or that person that you
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actually enjoyed and you want that same experience.
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But here's the thing, it's just not going to be that way because
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two different people, two different moment, two different
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styles of music that could be playing.
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The DJ is not going to rewind and play the same songs in the
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social. You know, there's so many
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factors that change that it's unreasonable to expect this is
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something that comes to us all the time in classes, as teachers
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and in private lessons. You know, followers or leaders
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will come to us and say, hey, I want to dance like that.
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I want to dance like this. And then for me, what do I have
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to tell them? I said, look, I'm sorry, but
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you're not going to. It's not how it works.
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Like they are dancing like that because that's the chemistry
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that they found between those two in that moment.
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So the goal of this episode is to go and deep dive into what is
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the chemistry that we have in our own body?
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What is the texture? What is the emotion?
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What is the feeling that we have in our own body?
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Understand that and understand that it changes and then be
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comfortable with that. So then every time when we dance
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with somebody, we can bring that.
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OK, So like I bring a certain amount of ingredients, the other
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person brings a certain amount of ingredients, Both of us go
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get cooking and then we make this beautiful dish instead of
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thinking that I have to bring a certain amount of ingredients
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and then my partner thinking that they have to bring a
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certain amount of ingredients. And then once we get cooking, it
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doesn't work because the ingredients that we brought,
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they are just like the opposite or completely like unexpected.
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So then we keep trying to find a good recipe, but it just doesn't
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work. And that's the example that my
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student here was talking to me about.
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He feels like there are followers that he goes to dance
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with and he doesn't feel like he needs to think too much or be
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responsible for much. It just happens.
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But then he dances with other followers that he feels like
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he's very responsible, that they're waiting for something.
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And then it's almost like they are a mirror.
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And that's how I described it to him.
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I said, look, there's some people that are very neutral.
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They're pretty much a mirror. They bring, let's say if we talk
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about colors, a very neutral color, maybe just white, OK,
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they bring white. That's the color, that's the
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emotion, and they're willing and ready for anything.
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Other people, they already bring a certain color or element.
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Let's say somebody brings water, the other person brings fire.
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And with that person, I find that it's reasonable to say, oh,
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it was easier to dance because there was a certain texture or
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element or flavor already predetermined that as soon as
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you step in, we're like, OK, we're in water, let's swim.
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You know? So the hardest thing here is to
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dance with somebody who is very comfortable with being neutral
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or who is comfortable enough to dance with you in that neutral
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zone because, you know, it's not with everybody that you might
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feel that way with certain people.
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You're like, you know what? I'm going to be Earth.
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I'm going to be quite grounded on this one because I don't know
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where we're going. But then if you want to dance
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with somebody and you feel very comfortable, you just kind of
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like you wipe off all the expectations and you're like,
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hey, I'm ready. And that is a very intriguing
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type of connection to encounter. How does that work with you?
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D How do you do in your dance and how do you experience with
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other people? Yeah, as you were saying, I was
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remembering for an occasion in which I felt both ideas now,
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when the person comes already with their colors and when
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somebody comes more neutral. And I think I talked about this
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in the podcast in several different episodes, the
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experience of this with my teachers, how I felt like I was
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so amazing, you know, so musical.
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And the first time I arranged well side is, and I dance with
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this more experienced than Geta, they would hold me and it was
15:16
instantaneously amazing because in their hold I could feel
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comfortable. Not only my body, but in my
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being I was comfortable. It's almost like, oh, there's
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nothing I need to prove. There's nothing to do.
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Everything is done already. If I do my thing here, it's
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fine, whereas in other cases, oh, I need to do something more.
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It's not only just my thing alone is not going to be enough,
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as I cannot say with precision what causes one and what causes
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the other. I can reverse engineer what
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these experiences that were pleasant and always mind and
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body and soul. I can reverse engineer what
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physically was happening, how they were holding me, how they
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were looking at me, how they were smiling and, and perhaps
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say, these are the elements. These are the elements that when
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they are brought in in the dance, cause a level of comfort
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in my being. That that idea of what do I need
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to do to please this person sort of goes away a little bit.
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Because perhaps at a subconscious level, I think this
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person is already pleased. He's already enjoying life here
16:30
with me, and all we need to do is really move our bodies.
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So we jumped from the head to the body and I really feel the
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movement. I really feel the music more
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because one concern went away. In the other cases, it was more
16:45
like building the relationship. That's an interesting thing that
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I was thinking about too. I think we talked about in the
16:51
podcast many times as well the idea of finding balance in all
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things in life related, dance related.
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And I truly think that it's perfectly fine that we both
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arrive more neutral to the dance.
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There is a dance that we perhaps we don't feel yet safe or you
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know, that our true colors are going to be accepted by our
17:12
partner, that the thing we like to do is going to be well
17:15
received right away. It's almost like starting a
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conversation. You are not necessarily going to
17:21
start a conversation already sharing all the secrets, already
17:24
talking about deep and personal things.
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You're going to start a conversation talking about the
17:30
weather and asking how their day was and this very superficial,
17:35
common questions that we ask everybody.
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And as you get to know the person, as you feel more
17:40
comfortable, you share more and you answer more questions and
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you ask more questions as well. I think in the dance this
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happens a lot. Imagine that if we have this
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concern about whether what we are doing is pleasing the person
17:56
we are dancing with, it's very likely that that person that we
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are dancing with has the same thing if what they are doing is
18:02
pleasing us. So we both arrive at it in the
18:05
scene. Let's see what's going on.
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So we both arrive a little bit neutral as the dance evolves and
18:12
with the exchange happening, if we start to feel safer to show
18:17
the colors more. And I think in the end of the
18:19
day, it might be a matter of personality as well, a matter of
18:24
confidence, a matter of trust and self trust.
18:28
When the tangetas arrived for the dance, you know, already
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showing their whole being right away.
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Oh, I don't think that that's better than a follower that
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comes and comes a little bit more neutral because I know that
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when the relationship is built, over time, I start to see what
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they really like. They start to show their colors.
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And that for me is also a beautiful process and the
18:54
process of uncovering what is there that the person sometimes
18:59
don't even know that they have. When I was dancing with my
19:02
teachers as well, I perhaps was more neutral at first because I
19:06
didn't know what I had. And because of their level of
19:10
confidence and because they arrived already with this trust
19:13
in themselves so present, they brought out stuff that I didn't
19:19
even know I could do, you know, So they unleashed my potential.
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So I think all cases are at present, all cases are valid,
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all cases are nice, but like, I just want some.
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To this day, we still think about these things.
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We still go through these things.
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Every time I'm going to invite another teacher to dance, boy oh
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boy, I go through a whole thing in my head.
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Even people that I taught with, people that I have been around
19:45
for many years, I still glitch sometimes when I go to dance
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with them because there is this deep insecurity that is still
19:52
lives inside of me that is like, oh, am I going to do a dance
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that is good enough for them give that they have danced with
20:01
all these amazing people. And so I got it.
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So insane is not just because we did it today that we are not
20:08
free from these insecurities. Not at all.
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Not at all. And one thing that you said at
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the very end is very much a segue to what I want to talk
20:18
about. These people have danced with so
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many other amazing people. So like, we already started
20:25
dancing thinking like this dance cannot be as good as all of
20:30
those other ones that they had, you know, it's such a bad place
20:34
to be, such a sad place to start with.
20:37
But God, guys, buckle up because I don't even know where I'm
20:42
going with this. But there's so many things that
20:45
I want to try to put in line and make sense right now.
20:49
So I understand personally and also from the point of view of
20:54
people who talk to me about the fact that sometimes it's easier
20:59
or for some people it's always easier if the other person comes
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with all of the ingredients ready, recipe ready and tell us
21:09
exactly how it's going to be. It is, it is a lot easier a lot
21:14
of the times because if I go and start dancing with somebody and
21:17
they already have everything right there, the elements, the
21:20
texture, the vibe, the feeling, I just have to jump into it and
21:26
ride and enjoy it. It is easier.
21:30
And this is something that I think as a leader, I sometimes
21:34
want it from a follower that has something very special that I
21:39
want to experience just as much as followers who want to dance
21:45
with a certain leader that they know has something that they
21:48
want to experience. They expect that, right?
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So there is a place that I think this works, but is it better
21:57
because it's easier? That's the big question in my
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head. I don't think that it's better
22:03
because it's kind of like you always ordering food from a
22:08
restaurant. So yes, you always get what you
22:11
want. Yes, you get the experience, you
22:13
get the flavors, you get the texture and everything like
22:15
that. But when are you ever exploring
22:19
your own cooking, your own desires, your own flavors?
22:25
And that's when I think that a lot of people are looking for
22:29
connection and looking to improve their dance.
22:32
They end up missing out on that. The fact that they always want
22:37
to dance with this person or that person, that person or this
22:39
vibe or that vibe kind of limits them because they're only on the
22:44
receiving end, not on the sharing or speaking end.
22:48
But it's much harder to accept that start of a neutral dance
22:55
because the start of a neutral dance can be kind of stressful
23:00
for some or can be like deafening because of the silence
23:06
for other people. When you start that neutral
23:10
dance, both of you are neutral. And we don't know if we're going
23:13
left, right, up or down. It's just happening and things
23:17
are building. So yes, this can also be an
23:21
anxiety moment so well, the other one is easier if the
23:25
person just brings everything. Let's go.
23:27
I don't have to think about it, but I find that there is a limit
23:32
to how much you can improve or how deep you can get into the
23:38
magical world of social dancing when you're just based on that.
23:43
So in the neutral way, I find that yes, it's hard at the
23:47
beginning, but the ride and the places that we can go to are
23:52
magical, are magical because I can bring something, they can
23:57
bring something, and both of us can get to a place that we've
23:59
never been to ever with anybody else.
24:02
So I find that even though this is harder, I do find that it's
24:07
better. But I understand when the other
24:11
one that is already predetermined can feel better
24:15
for a lot of people because it's actually easier.
24:20
What do you have to say? Gee, I feel like there's
24:22
something there. Now I'm just very cute.
24:24
How would you describe this neutral?
24:27
But what is happening with the body when it's neutral is when
24:31
it's not neutral. Like they have examples or an
24:35
experience that you can share. Yes.
24:38
So, for example, a body that is less neutral and I'm going to
24:42
talk about myself, right? I am dancing, I am rested, I
24:47
have energy. The DJ is going nuts.
24:51
So you know what's going to happen with Allison?
24:53
Allison is just going to be like fire and fireworks and you know,
24:58
we're going to go to the moon. That is my body already coming
25:03
into the dance and almost expressing to the leader or to
25:07
the follower like, hey, Are you ready for this?
25:10
That kind of thing. But it could be very much on the
25:13
mellow and the chill vibes. OK, let's say another side of
25:18
me. The DJ is very chill and and I'm
25:21
very tired and the person wants to dance with me, they want
25:25
fire. But I already come very strongly
25:28
bringing chill, right? So that is kind of like
25:31
predetermined. When I think about the neutral,
25:35
I think about more connecting to my own body and not really
25:40
putting any color or any vibe or any energy or element into my
25:47
body. And that to me is how I start
25:51
most of my dances, how I like to start most of my dances, or how
25:56
I like to receive most of the start of the dances.
26:01
Whatever the DJ is playing, whatever is happening, whoever
26:05
is in front of me, I'm going into my body 1st and I'm going
26:09
to start the dance there. I'm not going to start the dance
26:12
already looking ahead or feeling the things that I want to feel
26:18
in the dance before the dance start.
26:20
Like their moments will hit. You know, somebody will come to
26:23
me and say, hey, Allison, how are you feeling?
26:26
Are you feeling like fire? I want to have one of those
26:28
crazy dances with you. And I'm like, look, in this
26:33
moment right now, I don't know, but let's go and see if the fire
26:36
happens. But then there are other moments
26:39
that they will come to me and go like, hey, Allison, I see you're
26:43
going crazy. Can I have one of those crazy
26:44
dances? And I'm like, yeah, let's go,
26:46
come on. Because I'm already there.
26:48
You know, So those are the two things that happens.
26:51
Like sometimes when we're dancing with Hermela or with
26:53
Elena, they come with these requests because they love when
26:57
I go crazy with them. And they always check in with
27:00
me. Like, what's your vibe right
27:02
now? Are you kind of more like, let's
27:04
see how you go or are you like, let's go?
27:08
Yeah. So I think those are the two,
27:10
you know, like the more neutral one open for anything or more
27:13
the one that is like, look, this is where I want to go or this is
27:17
where I feel like going right now.
27:22
And you're either jumping or I don't know how this is going to
27:26
happen. Interesting.
27:29
Yeah. And I find that like, for
27:31
example, when I dance with a follower and I'm kind of like in
27:35
that neutral place and they bring something, I'm like, you
27:38
know what, let's go. So it is easier because I didn't
27:42
have to take that moment to build something together.
27:47
They already told me, hey, we're going here.
27:50
So it's easier. And I understand a lot of the
27:53
times when I ask fathers like, oh, what kind of dance do you
27:57
want to have? What kind of movements do you
27:59
want to feel or anything like that?
28:02
Most of them said, oh, anything, anything's fine and that's good.
28:07
But at the same time, when I do that as a leader, it's a
28:11
completely different vibe. A follower coming into the dance
28:15
neutral, it's for them maybe easier.
28:20
A leader coming to a dance neutral I perceive as harder
28:26
because now if both of us are neutral, now we have to like,
28:29
whoa, figure out what's happening.
28:32
But a leader coming to a dance, like stronger in what they're
28:39
going to experience. For the follower it's easier.
28:44
But for a leader dancing with the follower who already comes
28:48
with the flavor, with the texture, then for the leader
28:52
it's easier. It's so complex because it
28:55
really depends on the side, the leader or the follower.
28:59
It might be easier for one or for the other, but I find that
29:02
if both come with a flavor, it's difficult.
29:05
If both come neutral, it's difficult, but beneficial.
29:09
Does that make sense? Yeah, I think so.
29:11
It's so complex. I can see being more complicated
29:14
for the leader when they come, when the followers when they
29:17
come neutral and the followers neutral too.
29:20
Because then the leader needs to be able to reach the subtle
29:22
cues, the involuntary motions of the body and take information
29:27
from there. Because when I think neutral, I
29:30
think you come more as an expectator.
29:33
You come more in the waiting part.
29:35
You are checking in more often and when you come more in that,
29:40
say with the color, your body is already vibrating with a certain
29:44
energy. It was the vibe and that is
29:47
conveyed to your partner and then I can see when the follower
29:51
comes, it also be easier for the leader that is more neutral
29:55
because then they have more information.
29:58
It's kind of like there is a reference that you go to, so
30:02
it's kind of going to a class and all the teachers say, hey,
30:05
we're going to draw mountains. We already like OK, mountains,
30:08
cool. But if the teacher says, hey,
30:12
today we're going to draw anything that you're feeling
30:15
right now, well, yeah. As a leader, I'm like, oh, damn,
30:20
what am I feeling? What am I feel?
30:22
Tell like. Not in here.
30:24
Go. Yeah.
30:25
So if the follower brings something, I'm already like, OK,
30:28
this is where we're going. If I'm not feeling it, I don't
30:32
know, we'll figure it out. But at least there is a
30:33
reference. And for the follower, the same
30:36
thing. When they literally bring
30:37
something for them, it's like, wow, OK, I see where you want to
30:41
go. Let's see if I want to go there.
30:43
But I'm open to try. But yeah, when both are neutral,
30:47
then both are like, OK, are we, where are we going?
30:51
Yeah, I have had dances like this in which I was waiting and
30:54
other person was also waiting and nothing happened and we went
30:57
nowhere. You know, you said that for a
31:01
follower is easier when the leader comes with the colors or
31:06
for the followers. Generally speaking, this is what
31:08
I hear. OK, this is what I hear from
31:11
followers. When I ask them, they say, oh,
31:14
it's easier when the leader just takes me, just tells me exactly
31:19
because I'm here as a follower, this is what I chose.
31:22
I don't want to project and I don't want to like plan what's
31:28
going to happen. They're here to experience and
31:30
that's their choice and how they want to experience the dance.
31:33
Not every follower is like that, but this is what I hear majority
31:37
of the times. Yeah, no, that's perfectly makes
31:40
a lot of sense. And for me talking about the
31:43
matter of sensitivity again of the leader to perceive when
31:46
perhaps when the follower get out of the neutral and bring
31:50
something abuse that they like, you know, the trust has built.
31:56
So the sensitivity to perhaps now, OK, let's let's shift.
32:00
I am neutral again, I'm neutral now go, you know, so the leader
32:04
comes with the colors and then shifts to neutral.
32:07
And I think it is dance inside the dance is really nice as well
32:11
because allows for the exchange guys I am, how do we say in
32:16
English when you are really into the idea of the feedback loop of
32:21
the exchange between the partners that are dancing, that
32:24
makes a big, big difference. And I have experienced many
32:27
times in which I bring the vibe to to somebody that is more
32:31
neutral and then this person eventually vibes up and then
32:36
bring the vibe and then I become more neutral.
32:39
So then I can, you know, understand and play and exchange
32:43
with that and then I bring the thing again and the person comes
32:47
when neutral and then we are both be able to speak.
32:50
We are both bringing the vibe and I think we start to bring in
32:54
a vibe from a place of synchronicity.
32:57
We are synchronized in a similar frequency that the vibes that we
33:01
are both bringing don't clash. They just build on top of each
33:06
other. And in the end, for me, this
33:08
might be the pinnacle of the social dance experience.
33:12
When you are embodied, you are enjoying your movement, you're
33:15
enjoying your vibe, and the other person is also embodied,
33:19
enjoying their movement, enjoying their vibe.
33:20
And you are riffing off, riffing off of each other.
33:23
That's the expression I think you know, like you're building
33:28
with each other's cues and getting to the point that you
33:32
don't know anymore who is doing watch, who is bringing watch and
33:35
the lines of let them follow blur.
33:38
And then we get into the magical state of flow.
33:40
Yes, I think that doesn't happen all the time in these these
33:46
magnitudes. And when it does happen, it's
33:49
truly magic. Those dances that we remember
33:51
tends to be those dances that the day after we send a message
33:54
to the person who danced with and say, Oh my gosh, this was so
33:57
amazing. And this happens a lot in
33:59
social. For example, you're dancing with
34:01
somebody. OK, I had this experience very
34:04
recently where I was dancing with somebody who usually gets
34:08
nervous dancing with me. And we were vibing.
34:13
We were both neutral and finding our way.
34:16
Everything was going well. And then lo and behold, and he's
34:20
going to talk about an experience that he had many
34:23
years ago with another teacher. But lo and behold, the camera
34:27
shines and the light shines. And then suddenly my follower
34:32
starts dancing the dance that they think I want to have from
34:36
them because there's a camera there.
34:39
So normally this follower dances with me thinking, OK, Alison
34:44
wants me to do this. But in that dance, we got to
34:47
this place where that thing wasn't happening.
34:50
But then as soon as the camera and the lights came on, they
34:53
switch back and they're like, oh, now I need to dance like
34:56
this because it's Alison. And I'm like, no, we were there.
34:59
We were there exactly there. And look, guys, I'm talking
35:03
about the experience that I had with this follower.
35:05
But I have put myself in that position as a leader, dancing
35:09
with somebody who I want to experience their vibes as a
35:14
student or a teacher. And I was in the moment, I was
35:18
in the vibe, and then something happened.
35:19
Maybe somebody start watching, somebody start recording, or I
35:22
just went into my head and I'm like, oh, damn, I'm dancing with
35:25
this person. I need to dance like this.
35:27
And then I go in and switch my dance, you know?
35:30
So a lot of these that we're talking about here, I think
35:33
comes from the anxiety that we have within ourselves of
35:38
thinking that the other person wants a certain thing, but we
35:42
don't know if they do, we have no idea.
35:46
So First things first, I think that that's the first thing that
35:49
we have to recognize and understand that this is coming
35:54
from our own ideas and all head and insecurities and anxieties.
35:58
And then we can work on the, you know, let it be.
36:03
Let's play. Yeah.
36:06
In the end, the question is who are you dancing for?
36:10
And not a problem if you say I'm dancing for my partner at all.
36:16
You know, for me it's just a matter of asking the question,
36:19
who are you dancing for in this moment?
36:21
And if it is for the other person, if I look for dancing
36:26
for my partner, how much that might be taking away of your own
36:32
experience, how many privates I taught an most for followers in
36:38
which I asked the person, what if we try less hard?
36:43
It seems like you are trying very hard to do things properly,
36:49
you know, But if you do it the way that you like to do it, the
36:52
way that your body feels, feels good doing, and you see the
36:55
magic happening, the person is still doing, let's say Lat ET
36:58
al, the same movements, but they're doing the way they like
37:01
to do the dance instantaneously become more pleasant for me
37:05
because there is less tension. There's a lot of information
37:09
that comes from the touch. When the touch comes with the
37:13
tension that is built from the anxiety of whether or not I'm
37:17
doing this right, the person feels it.
37:21
They might not know that this is the source, but they feel it.
37:24
The moment that you touch someone, a overload of
37:27
information is sent through your skin to their skin.
37:30
So tension conveys tension at work, at that tension, you don't
37:34
know what it is, but you feel something the moment that the
37:36
person releases the tension. And the tension here that I'm
37:38
saying is not only the muscle engagement, is the tension in
37:44
the whole body, that the whole body is more stiff or more
37:46
shaky. And you feel that in the moment
37:49
that the person let's go of that idea of doing perfect and do
37:54
more the way that they like, the way that they feel comfortable,
37:56
you feel that too. So by going through your body
38:01
when you coordinate with your partner, your partner feels that
38:04
you are more comfortable. And that comfort is transmitted
38:08
through the touch. And that's magical, you know,
38:12
And it's not a witchcraft. It's pure biology.
38:15
You know, On the other hand, if you are dancing for yourself,
38:19
noticing if this dancing for yourself might be taking away
38:25
from the connection with your partner.
38:27
So we have the two sides. When you dance too much for your
38:30
partner, that takes away the connection from yourself.
38:33
And when you dance too much for yourself and takes away the
38:35
connection from your partner. So he's finding somewhere in
38:40
between that you were dancing for yourself with your partner
38:45
and for your partner. You know, we are not saying that
38:49
this is easy in any way. There is a journey.
38:52
Hell no. There is a journey of acquiring
38:56
awareness. I am a firm believer that the
39:00
more you know the language of Brazilian Zook or any partner
39:03
dance, the more you build the confidence, at least in the
39:07
mechanical part of the movement, in the mechanical aspect of the
39:10
movement. So you know, whatever regimes
39:12
look like, like you know how to do a bonus, you know how to do a
39:15
Cambria should catch the thing. Then it becomes how you do this
39:19
thing in the sense that how you connect with your partner should
39:23
convey those movements, you know, and then the person who is
39:27
being LED, are you doing these movements to do it correctly
39:30
because I want to be correct and good for my leader?
39:34
Or are you doing that you caught you because you like the feeling
39:38
of you caught in your body and you like how it feels and then
39:42
you execute it in a way that it feels good for you.
39:44
You know, guys, I think I listen, you can say that you
39:48
when we watch a follow doing a movement and you clearly see
39:51
that they enjoy their execution, you immediately feel this is
39:57
like, yeah, I made it. But it is also comes that
40:02
enjoyment as well by watching them enjoy, you know.
40:06
And I think this comes with confidence, this comes with
40:09
time. And this comes with in
40:12
Portuguese we have this word vivancia, which I don't know how
40:15
to translate in English, but it's the the living of the
40:20
thing. So the living.
40:21
Life experience maybe? Yeah, perhaps.
40:26
Yeah. Prevention is kind of like the
40:28
life experience or life wisdom. Yeah, it's like the more you
40:33
live with the thing, the more you have the thing in your life,
40:38
the more you learn about it and the more you acquire is wisdom
40:42
about it. Yeah.
40:43
And that sometimes there is this anxiety that we feel in the
40:47
beginning to achieve that place right away without giving the
40:52
chance for you to slowly absorb and to slowly feel, to have this
40:58
knowledge build in your body over time.
41:00
That that silent process of progress that we are not
41:04
perceiving right away, but that we are.
41:07
Like this week somebody told me that something finally clicked
41:11
and there was another conversation that we had that we
41:15
said, man, your body was learning about this thing.
41:18
It's not that it was not noticeable, but it feels like it
41:22
became noticeable over time. Like it feels like it became
41:26
noticeable overnight, but it's not overnight.
41:30
You have been doing this for years, but your body was still,
41:35
it didn't perhaps come to your rational understanding of the
41:40
difference up to this point, but something was happening.
41:43
Of course, something was happening this whole time.
41:46
So my main request for people is let the silent process of
41:50
progress, of growth take place. We can try to rush the process
41:56
and to be honest, some people are like really speeding up the
41:59
process of learning. But I think nothing beats
42:02
experience. Nothing beats.
42:05
Yeah, you cannot cheat time. If you want to progress faster,
42:10
you got to spend more time. You can speed up the process if
42:14
you spend more time. So if you do 3-4 hours every
42:18
day, sure, you can speed up the process over six months, but you
42:23
won't be able to speed up the process if you're doing the same
42:26
thing over six months just because you want to.
42:30
Just because you have this idea of like, I'm going to get there
42:32
in six months, but I'm going to be doing the same thing that
42:35
I've always done, it won't work because the body needs time.
42:39
The brain needs time. Things just need time.
42:43
It's not about just like if I learned the technique right,
42:47
it's going to work. There's so many layers.
42:50
I think the technique is just the tool, like really just the
42:53
tool. But like dancing, it takes time.
42:57
Learning to spin, sure, you can learn to spin in an hour, but
43:01
dancing that spin, being able to enter and exit and feel
43:06
comfortable, feel confident and feel like it's always going to
43:10
work no matter what, that takes time.
43:13
That takes a lot of time. But maybe spin is not a good
43:17
exam pull because we can just talk about weight transfers.
43:21
Simple as that. Weight transfers.
43:24
It takes time, probably more than spinning because it's so
43:29
subtle. And when we talk about partner
43:31
dancing specifically, even if you do 4 hours a day of practice
43:37
to speed up your process, how you're doing this 4 hours a day.
43:41
If you are doing this 4 hours a days with the same partner, with
43:44
the same person. If you have one training
43:46
partner, even if you have two training partners that you take
43:49
turns during the week. I think that the amount of
43:53
experience that you get when you dance with a lot of people, it's
43:57
different. So if you are training 3 hours a
44:00
day with one partner or two, it's not the same.
44:03
If you have like years of going to several socials and several
44:07
classes and dance with several different people, feeling
44:10
different bodies, feeling different weight transfers,
44:12
elasticity is all the things you know.
44:14
So for this particular art form, I think it's really important
44:18
that you dance the dance with a lot of different people.
44:25
It doesn't need to be from a lot of different places.
44:27
For 27 years of my life, I was just in Rio because the scene in
44:32
Rio is so large. And I'm not talking about
44:35
Brazilian zoo specific, I'm talking about Brazilian partner
44:38
dancing in Rio and so large and so powerful that I was dancing
44:42
with a lot of different people every week.
44:46
So the experience of dance with different bodies inform yours
44:50
when it comes to this thing that we've been talking about this
44:54
episode, this neutral body, bring your colors, bring your
44:58
your vibe, how to bring, when to bring and the exchange all the
45:03
things you you get so much information in the jungle that
45:07
my invitation for everybody that starts to learn Brazilian Zook
45:11
and they ask me how can I get better?
45:15
I say take as many opportunities of social dancing that you can
45:20
take. Take them all.
45:21
If you have a practical, try to go to the practical, try to go
45:23
to the social, try to go to the things.
45:25
Dance with people, with different people.
45:27
The more you dance with different people with this
45:30
mindset of becoming more, you know, creating more colors,
45:34
bringing more colors to your dance, the more dance with more
45:37
people, the more inspired you get and the more references you
45:41
have. And then the more you look, just
45:43
by being there, just by dancing the dance.
45:46
I think a baseline that every teacher can agree is that a
45:50
great social dancer is the one that can dance with the most
45:55
amount of people and execute similar things, instead of the
46:01
dancer who can dance with a couple of people and do the most
46:05
amount of things. A good one.
46:07
You know, like a great social dancer to most teachers.
46:10
I think it's the person that is very adaptable, very versatile
46:14
and condensed with anybody and pretty much execute almost
46:18
everything without an issue instead of executing lots of
46:24
things with a few people. Yeah.
46:27
Yeah. So with that in mind, I think
46:29
this is a great way for us to close this chapter of this
46:33
episode and thank you once again for being here and supporting us
46:38
in this beautiful project. We love receiving your requests,
46:42
your comments, your posts, your RE shares, and we just want to,
46:48
as always, thank you. And please don't forget to
46:51
follow, subscribe, share and continue supporting us so we can
46:55
continue reaching out to more people and hopefully, hopefully
46:59
slowly helping the community to be more knowledgeable.
47:03
I'm not going to say better because that's too much
47:06
responsibility, but at least to have more knowledge through the
47:10
experiences that we share here between ourselves and our
47:13
guests. So thank you, thank you, thank
47:16
you everybody, and thank you, Guy, as always, for being here
47:20
day and night 24/7. Thank you, it was always a
47:25
pleasure and I can't wait for the next one already.
47:28
And people don't forget. Follow subscribe, Instagram,
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Spotify, all the platforms come with us.
47:36
And thank you for everybody that shared with us, sat there.
47:40
Spotify. How is that the recap of the
47:42
year thing that Spotify does? Yeah.
47:45
We got so many beautiful messages of people that had Zook
47:48
nerds as one of their top five podcasts.
47:51
Such, such an honor. And thank you so much.
47:54
Yes. So we'll see you in the next
47:56
one, everybody. Thank you, Thank you.
47:58
Pages, Pages, Abrasos and Ciao. Bye.
48:02
Everyone.