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August 15 – Seeing the Impact · The Daily Ripples Podcast

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Hey guys,
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this is the Daily Ripples.
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This is Corey, and it is August 15th.
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Seeing the impact. The stone:
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healing begins when I honestly acknowledge that my actions
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affected more people than I realized.
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Ripple 1 practical: today I will resist The
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temptation to minimize the impact of my choices.
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Harm is not measured only by what I intend, but also by
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how others were affected. Honest reflection
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helps me see where relationships may need attention,
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healing, or amends. Ripple 2 Spiritual.
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As I walk in truth, even when it is uncomfortable,
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the Holy Spirit opens my eyes to what I could not see before.
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Replacing denial with honesty and guilt with the opportunity for healing.
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The Father calls me to honesty, and Jesus teaches me to love others
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enough to recognize the ways I may have hurt them.
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When I was thinking about this this morning, I, uh, man,
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I was thinking about like all the people that I've affected and,
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um, the kind of the way I The other way I
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view that is like, you know, well, I mean, like in a
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real way, how I view it. I mean, I don't know. I kind of went
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to the page, page 60 and 61 in the Big Book,
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and it says, each person
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is like an actor who wants to run the whole show, is forever trying to
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arrange the lights of ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players
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in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put,
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if only people would do as he wished. The show would be great.
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Everybody, including Cory, would be pleased.
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Life would be wonderful. And to
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think I know. To think I know what someone else needs. To think I
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know where they need to be and what they need to be happy.
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And through my life, I've tried to arrange people in different ways to
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please me, not to please them. I thought it might please them because I
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think I know best. Because I was thinking on the degree of
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like, you know, well, is there someone that does know best for everybody?
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And I will— I came to this conclusion, you know, that's God.
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Now, but then I was thinking, you know, like, you know, what degree of
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education would you need, or what would you need to know if— what? And I
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don't think there is one because I think everybody's different. I don't
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think— and everybody is different. We have similar traits,
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but everybody has had a different goal. Everybody wants different things and
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I was thinking about the different women I've hurt in my life.
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So let's say that— no,
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let's not say that. I mean, I have hurt different women in different ways.
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So say me and a woman's not working out. Well, she goes
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to her mom and her dad.
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And so that now has affected her mom and her dad. Well,
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what about her sister that's consoling her?
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And I think about my significant other, right? So I made amends to her
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mom and her sister because I've affected those people in
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those ways too, not just her. And that kind of goes back to
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the ripple, right? Because on the ripple it says,
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my actions affected more people than I realized.
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There's a domino effect to this, right? And that domino effect,
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it always— I hurt others always,
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and I think it's just them. Usually it takes me a while
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to even think I affected just them. But then I come to this place
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of like, well, man, I affected them, them, and I've
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affected the whole people's whole different
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ways. Because if I affected just, I mean,
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so someone's job. Well, if I affected someone's job,
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I affected their income, which what if they
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couldn't pay child support? So then I affected them too. And all these
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different ways, right? So I come to this place of like, man,
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it is like I have it. And do I minimize it or
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do I want to dig deep and see who all I affected?
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Because at the other side of making that right,
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that gets me closer to God. And, you know, so if— because if I—
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what I believe, and, you know, every— if everything's God,
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which I believe everything is God, then everybody's a manifestation
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of God, right? And so if everybody's a manifestation
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of God and I have something between me and you, then I have something in
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between me and God, and I need to make that right.
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And, you know, not just to say for me, but like, because that, you know,
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What about the peace for them? You know, what about with
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thinking about someone else? And I know
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we kind of go on this thing of like, you know,
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what I can get, but what about what they can get?
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What do they need to get? Like, what about their relationship?
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Can I be a demonstration? And that kind of makes me think about page 19.
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It says on page 19 that we feel that elimination
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of our drinking is only a beginning. A much more important
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demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective
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homes, occupations, and affairs. That's where
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I'm supposed to be demonstrating this stuff, not just
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talking to people, talking to this and any of that. I have
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to be demonstrating it. If I'm not, man, I'm a fraud like I've always been.
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Back on 61, it says, in trying
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to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous.
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Corey may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing.
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I might act like, you know, hey, you know, being very nice about this,
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you know, this is what— this is a good idea
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for you. And I can come off that way, right? Or in
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different ways and different people. And then it goes on to say,
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on the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, dishonest,
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but as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
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So I can come off in different ways, and like, you know,
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because I'm still trying to run the whole show,
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and I'm probably, you know, like, you know, when you flip over on the next
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page, it says we step on the
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toes of our fellows and they retaliate seemingly without provocation.
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They might not even know they're stepping on my toes, or I might not even
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know they're stepping on my toes, and then they retaliate or I retaliate.
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It's a vice versa thing, right? And I've hurt them in
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a way that I didn't even know. And that goes back to this purple thing,
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right? It says more people than I've realized.
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And then it goes on to practical. Today I'll resist the temptation to minimize
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the impact of my choices. I come into this
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thing and most mornings, let me say most mornings,
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I do pray. And most nights at dinner, we do pray things
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like, hey God, show me what's blocking me from you.
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And that's the real thing. Because what's blocking me from
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God is all the harm I've done to others.
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Am I willing to make that right? And I think
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I was talking about this, I talk about this a lot, but We
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come into this thing because for one reason, alcohol. Or,
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you know, for me at least, you know. And that's this thing of the mind
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and body. And, um, but I, you know,
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at a dip— at a deeper level, right, let's talk about freedom, right?
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So if God's taking, you know, and the 12th, it's— well, kind of goes
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to that effect. It talks about, okay, in the 6th step,
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I don't really plan too much ahead,
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but On page 64, in the 12th, it says,
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having been granted a perfect release from alcoholism.
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So this is at Step 6. This is after Step 5,
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because in Step 5, the promises kind of correlate to— it
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says, the feeling
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that the drink problem has disappeared will come often strongly. And then on
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Step 6, it comes to that place too. Having been granted a perfect release from
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alcoholism, why then shouldn't we be able to achieve, by the same means,
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a perfect release from every other difficulty or defect? So like,
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the way I look at the way this work aligns is like,
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this is where the rubber meets the road, right? Like, this is what it— like,
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it's not me ever working on these difficulties or defects, right? It's not.
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It's It's God. And, uh, you know,
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people can listen to this and think they're going— they're going to be working their
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whole life. If you're like me— you might not be like me, and you might
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be able to run off self-propulsion very well, and just, you know,
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when you're not tired of arguing with your significant other,
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you can just stop. That wasn't the case for me.
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Maybe the case is I had to go make it right with one of my,
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my exes. One of my past relationships, one of
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my past relationships with one of my, one of my exes and
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her mother or her dad.
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If you go back to page 19, and I
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like how everything's structured in this book because on the bottom of 19 it says
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most of us sense that real tolerance of people's shortcomings and viewpoints
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and a respect for their opinions our attitudes which make
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us more useful to others. Our very
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lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon the constant thought of others
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and how we may help their needs. It's never
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about me. It's about you. And, you know,
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Pastor Mike's not up in the club to defend himself
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right now, but like, you know, nothing points me at me in this book about
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that. It's all about you. Because going
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back to page 62,
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selfish and self-centered— that centeredness that we think is the root
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of our troubles, that we think is the root of Corey's
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troubles, driven by 100 forms of fear, self-delusion,
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self-seeking. It goes on the next paragraph,
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so our troubles we think are basically of our own making.
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And man, I'll tell you, all right, so if I'm looking at 10 different people
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and those 10 people I think have harmed me, well, how did I affect
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their life? And maybe really it wasn't those 10 people, maybe it was me because
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I'm the common denominator. Right? And so when I look at
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it in that way, maybe when I go make it right with these people,
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I might have some freedom and they might have some freedom too. And it wasn't
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for me to have freedom, it was for me to make it right for those
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people because for some reason, Today, I'll tell you,
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this is different for me today.
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My mornings look a lot like this, and, you know, I wake
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up, pray on my knees,
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go do some reading, writing, do some prayers for some people.
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And those people today, some of the people I
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still have some amends with to make,
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are the people I pray— or one of the majority of the people I pray
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for. Every morning. And what I was
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thinking about is like, you know, they're not even thinking about you, Corey, but you're
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thinking about them every morning. And, you know, maybe that's what God
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has me doing right now, you know, because like I still haven't made it right
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with some of these people. And like I've made it right with a lot of
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people, but not all. Not all. And maybe
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that's where I need to be at. I remember a person, um, was talking
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to me about an amends that they made an approach to,
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and, you know, the, the approach only went as
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far— like, the book just tells me I got to make the approach. And on—
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in the book, it goes on to say on page— so
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one thing is on page— top of page 80, it says, before taking such a
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direct drastic action,
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because this is a drastic thing, right? It's a drastic thing, me going
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and facing up some— something with somebody that I've
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potentially caused a criminal act to, a heinous act,
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whatever it is, or just a little bitty lie. It doesn't matter, right? It's drastic
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because it's drastic for someone like me that goes against my will. My will
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says I need to just walk away. Let bygones be
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bygones. Let people just be how they're going to be,
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because man, look what everybody else is doing to each other. That's where
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my head goes. My head will literally, over some time,
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justify something and then make
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it nothing, but it's still something to them and me.
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So it says, before taking drastic action which might implicate other people,
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we secure their consent. So that's the first step of this,
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right? So I secure the consent to talk
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to somebody first. And this is just what the book, Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says.
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I'm not telling you that's what you or your sponsor have come
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up with in some grand scheme of how to make amends,
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but this is what the— like, and that's the difference too.
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There's not a my program and your program. There might
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be your program, but my program aligns. And that's what my old sponsor
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Doug used to say, man. He said, you know, Corey,
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I know I get off on some tangents, but that's okay. Um,
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I would call him and, you know, I'd have some stuff going on and he'd
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say, well, Corey, what, like, what, you know,
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what is your, uh, what's your plan? What's your plan?
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And I'd say, like, what do you mean, Doug? And he's like, well, you got
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the car, you got the relationship, you got the house, you got this.
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You know, what's your plan? Because I might, you know, if you can tell me
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your plan, your plan might be better than my plan.
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Um, and I get all frustrated about, what are
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you talking about, Doug? They go, well, you know, because I'm
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in the plan of Alcoholics Anonymous, but if your plan is more attractive than mine,
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you know, let me know what that is. And, you know, so like, I don't—
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the reason I like talking so much with the book because
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I'd rather not talk about
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my plan because I can make this thing into something that
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I've made up. Because then if I've made up, do I have it written down
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in a book and has it worked for millions of people or is it very,
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very kind of worked for me up to a point? But like, you know,
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then I've, but I've taken this other plant anyways. Like, who am I?
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And then if I'm going to go show somebody this plan, Man,
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and I've made it my own. Now it's mine. And now I've put
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ego behind that, right? So if I put ego behind that and now I've
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taken responsibility of this plan, well,
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I should just make my own book then, right? No, I think like the best
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thing is to do is to do what the Fifth Tradition says, to carry this
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message to the alcoholic who still suffers, right?
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Not my message. So this message says we
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get to secure their consent because I secure their consent because what
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if they don't want to hear from me? So that's my first approach, right?
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What if they're not in a good place to even take what I'm about to
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say? Well, man, I better not go do it, say anything or do anything that
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might put them in a worse position than I was already in with them.
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The second thing is if we've obtained permission, We have,
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it says, have, and there's a comma there, have consulted
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with others. So that's the thing. Second thing, I usually need to go talk
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to my sponsor or somebody, just go talk it over with somebody.
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And the best advice my sponsor gave me that
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I give to other dudes, and I don't care if they listen or not,
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because this is kind of like, you know, his deal, but It makes
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sense. You know, you should probably
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like, you know, cause like, you know, you can, I can either write somebody,
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I can go see them in person, but what if it's an ex?
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And you know, the, what he suggested is he, he said,
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have you, did you think about you, what you wore before you
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went and met him? Because that's the thing. Like, am I, am I doing
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this for something else? And I've done that too, right?
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Not in this time, not in this like season of my life,
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but like, you know, doing this because
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I just want to rekindle the past. Well, I imagine like if
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I'm doing that, I'm just going to rehash some things that, you know, we,
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we're going to do this all over again. All right, so after
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we can— we got— we consulted with others, it says ask God
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to help And the drastic step is indicated, we must not shrink.
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So then I bring God into it, right? I think God needs to be brought
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up in the first place, but whatever, you know. So I go
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through that process when I'm doing this stuff, and I think it's amazing
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because like it's what
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the book says to do. And I was really thinking about like,
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you know, if everybody would behave, right? If the— if everybody
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would do as Corey would wish. It goes back on to
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say, really on page 62,
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on the top of it, well, the bottom of
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61, top of 62, politicians or reformers who sure would all would be
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utopia if the rest of the world would only behave, if everything would
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just go right, right? Everybody would just do this, this, this,
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and everything would be great.
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So then I come in, like, you know, and kind of Bill's story
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on page 16 says— and
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it's like, you know, I think if you really look at this book and you
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look at the problem, right, well, there's a solution. There's a flip to
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the problem and solution all through the book. You just got to kind of look
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around, and it's not a lot of pages to flip through.
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Says most of us feel we need look no further for utopia. We have
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it right here and now. Each, each day, my friend, simple talk
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in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and goodwill
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to men. It's right here. It's right now. I don't
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know where you're headed to, what you're doing, but like, you know, it can be
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right there right now too. And like, the whole thing is, am I willing to
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get out of my head to help somebody else today? Because if I am,
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I could change the whole trajectory of someone's life,
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and that's through God. It's not through me. It's like, it's— but I'm
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the vessel, right? Help me be an instrument today. God,
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help me be an instrument to be able to be of use to other people
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because I've been taken from so many people. You know,
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I'm going to end this with a prayer.
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Father God, help me see the impact of my actions in honesty and humility through
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your Holy Spirit. Reveal what I've overlooked and
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give me the courage to address it. Shape my life through the example of Jesus.
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And lead me into truth, healing, and peace. Amen.
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Thank you.