Latest / Learn to Thrive with ADHD Podcast / Ep 139: Why Am I So Inconsistent With ADHD? Why You Can Do It One Day and Not the Next

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Ep 139: Why Am I So Inconsistent With ADHD? Why You Can Do It One Day and Not the Next · Learn to Thrive with ADHD Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Learn to Thrive with ADHD.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is the podcast for adults with ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Coach Mandy John.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to make your life with ADHD easier.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to talk about being inconsistent with ADHD and why you can do it one day and not the next.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: So have you ever had a day where everything just works?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: You sit down, you get started, you focus, and you get a bunch done.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you think, okay, see, I can do this.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then a day or two later you try to do the same thing and you can't get yourself going.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's so frustrating because you know you can do it.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: You already did it.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: So then your brain starts saying, Why can't I do this?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I so inconsistent?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I just do what I know how to do?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people with ADHD deal with this.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Our performance can be inconsistent.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Some days things click, other days they don't.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're tired, stressed, or a task feels less clear.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe yesterday there was urgency and today there isn't.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your brain is already full.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of asking, what's wrong with me today, I want us to start asking a different question.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: What was different when this was easier?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's actually research on this.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a term researchers use called intra-individual variability.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, it means your performance can vary from one time to another.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And people with ADHD tend to show more of that variability.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now the research isn't saying here's exactly why you cleaned your whole house last Saturday and can't get yourself to unload the dishwasher today.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it does back up something a lot of us already know from living it.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: We can be really good at something one day and struggle with it another day.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So when you have one of those days where you're thinking, why can't I do this?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I did it yesterday.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to immediately decide there's something wrong with you.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Something changed.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we want to look for.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: What changes from one day to the next?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: A lot can change.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your energy can be different, your stress can be different, you may have slept badly, you may have more going on in your head.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: The task may have been clearer yesterday.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Was someone waiting for it?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Was there a deadline?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Were you more interested?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Did you have less pulling at your attention?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how different a task feels when you know exactly what to do compared to when you have to sit there and figure out where to start.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It can be the same exact project, but one version feels pretty easy to jump into and the other feels like a wall.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I do this myself.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: There are days when I sit down to write and it comes together pretty easily.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Then there are days when I'm staring at a screen thinking, I know how to do this.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why is this so hard today?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I know what's different and sometimes I don't.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think we need to solve the mystery every single time.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: We just want to get better and noticing what helps and what makes things harder.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: One of the weird things about inconsistent performance is that the good days can actually make the hard days feel worse.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: If something was always hard, you'd probably just think, okay, this is something I struggle with.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not what happens.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: You have a day where you get a ton done, you're focused, you move through things quickly, you make decisions, and you finish things.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Then the next time you try to do the same kind of work, everything feels harder.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you start using the good days against yourself.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Saying things like, I did this last week, I know I can do this, why can't I do it again?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We take one really good day and turn it into a standard.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And other people can do this too.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: They've seen you get something done quickly, they've seen you focus for hours, they've seen you pull something together last minute.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So they think, well, clearly you can do it.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you can, but that doesn't mean every day is going to look like your best day.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your best day is not your new minimum.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was just one day.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of using that day as proof of what you should be able to do all the time, look at what was going on when things worked well.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we talked about all these things that can affect how well you do something.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: So start paying attention to when something goes really well.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just enjoy the good day and move on.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what helped me here?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then use the answer.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: If having the first step decided helped, start doing that ahead of time.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: If accountability helped, find a way to build that in more often.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you got more done because you worked earlier in the day, remember that when you're planning similar work.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking for things that you can repeat.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then on a harder day, don't just sit there thinking, why isn't this working?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Look at what's missing.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do I know where to start?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Am I exhausted?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is this too vague?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need someone else involved?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is there too much competing for my attention right now?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then make just one adjustment.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Clarify the first step, move the task, ask someone to check in, give yourself 20 minutes instead of expecting two hours.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Take something else off your plate.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Don't use your good days as proof that you should always be able to do more.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Use them to figure out what helps you work better.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how to build for the harder days.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is where minimums and maximums can really help.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Your maximum is what you can do on the days when you have plenty of energy and things are going well.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your minimum is what you can do on the harder days.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going to have some inconsistency from day to day, you need another option besides doing everything you planned or doing nothing.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some days you do more, some days you do less.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I do this myself on days when I'm really tired or just not feeling great.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: There have been days where it's 10 o'clock in the morning and I'm already thinking I don't have much in me today.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I also don't want to just throw away the entire day.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll ask myself, what's one small thing I can do right now?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'll go do that one thing, and then I might rest for a little while.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm ready, I ask myself again, okay, what's the next small thing I can do?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to suddenly turn it into a super productive day.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working with the day I actually have.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And often by the end of the day, I've actually gotten quite a few things done.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I forced myself to work at full speed, but because I kept doing the next small thing.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were planning to work on something for an hour, but today you've got 20 minutes in you.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were going to finish the whole project, but today you can just do the next part.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you can't clean the entire room, but you can clear one surface.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: The amount changes, but you're still moving forward.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Next, let's talk about the best way to compare two different days.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let me show you what I mean because this doesn't have to be complicated.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say answering emails is something that you're really inconsistent with.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: One day you sit down, you open your inbox, answer what needs to be answered, and then you're done.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Another day you keep avoiding it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: You open your email, you look around, you close it, you tell yourself you'll do it later.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying, why am I so bad at this?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Look at what's different.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe on the easier day, you did it first thing in the morning.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you only had 10 emails to deal with instead of 40.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know which ones needed answers?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you had more energy.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did you have somewhere to be in an hour?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: So you just got through them?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Then look at the harder day.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Were you tired?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Was your inbox a mess?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Were there too many decisions to make?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Did you sit down without knowing where to start?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now pick one thing you can change next time.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you answer email earlier in the day.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you start with just five.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you sort them first.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you give yourself 15 minutes instead of telling yourself you have to clear the entire box.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: So now the next time you sit down to answer email, you're not starting from scratch.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know a couple of things that make it easier for you.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you're thinking, I know I can do this, why can't I do this today?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Look at what changed.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: What was different on the easier day?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything from that day that you can use now?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if today is just a harder day, make the task smaller.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do 20 minutes instead of an hour.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do one part instead of the whole thing.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Take the next step.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to match your best day.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some days you'll do more, some days you'll do less.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to know what helps you and have a plan for the days when things are harder.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And to help you with that, I made something kind of fun.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's the ADHD Performance Pattern Finder.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a simple tool that you can use to figure out what's working and what's not.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something you can continually return to.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a PDF.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want it to get lost in the graveyard of freebies that you found.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually an interactive site.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do it, I want you to fill it in fully.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: The more you fill it in, the more information it's going to give you, the more it's going to help you.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you can have a report at the end of this.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I believe you get to download the report.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm going to change it where it'll email it to you as well.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something you can return back to again and again.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that's at learn to thrive with adhg.com forward slash patternfinder.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that's learntothrive with ADHD.com forward slash patternfinder.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I have for you today.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you all, and I'll see you next week.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for your time today and especially your attention.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you're anything like me, you love to learn.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, though, we can know what to do, but struggle to put it into action without the right support.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's what private ADHD coaching is for, to give you the unique support and accountability you need to make the change you know is possible.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Book a free consultation with me today at www.learn to thrive with ADHD.com backslash.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to meeting you.