Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Reset You Actually Need - Day 3. The personality traits you are romanticising that are ruining your progress

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The Reset You Actually Need - Day 3. The personality traits you are romanticising that are ruining your progress · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:10
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:14
Speaker 1: So this is day three of the miniseriies, of the
0:18
Speaker 1: ten day miniseries, which is the reset that you actually need, obviously,
0:22
Speaker 1: if you haven't already got listened to the last two days.
0:25
Speaker 1: Day one, which was all about implementing ways that you
0:30
Speaker 1: can change your state in order to be able to
0:32
Speaker 1: approach things differently. And then we had yesterday, which the
0:36
Speaker 1: whole episode was about how you can change your change
0:39
Speaker 1: your standards and how it doesn't have to require that
0:41
Speaker 1: much more action. It's just a little bit more clarity
0:44
Speaker 1: and consistency, and that's going to get you kind of,
0:47
Speaker 1: it's going to get you really far as far as
0:49
Speaker 1: relationships and your self esteem and all of that. And
0:52
Speaker 1: today is day three and we are talking about the
0:56
Speaker 1: personality traits that you are romanticizing that is ruining your life.
1:00
Speaker 2: Now, that's really dramatic.
1:01
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily I just love a dramatic title, but
1:04
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily ruining your life. But it's really cock
1:09
Speaker 1: blocking you from going out and doing things and achieving the.
1:12
Speaker 2: Things that you want to do.
1:13
Speaker 1: It's really giving you a bit of a it's conflicting
1:17
Speaker 1: within you, you are creating a massive conflict between who
1:20
Speaker 1: you keep saying that you are, who you're banging on about,
1:23
Speaker 1: you know, beating the dead horse, whatever the saying is,
1:25
Speaker 1: versus who you'd really like to be, Okay, and what
1:28
Speaker 1: we identify with is what we will live out.
1:32
Speaker 2: Okay.
1:33
Speaker 1: If you are always talking about certain things about your
1:38
Speaker 1: traits and your personality that aren't ideal, but you make
1:41
Speaker 1: them part of you to the extent that it's almost funny,
1:44
Speaker 1: to the extent that you seek out other people that
1:46
Speaker 1: do the same thing.
1:47
Speaker 2: This is a huge thing.
1:48
Speaker 1: You bond over shared frustrations, you bond over shared negativity.
1:54
Speaker 1: It then strengthens you strengthen that relationship with this character
1:58
Speaker 1: trait that you have. And so that's brewing and growing
2:01
Speaker 1: and growing and growing, and it kind of it's kind
2:04
Speaker 1: of like you know, Eckout Toll if you've ever read
2:06
Speaker 1: The Power of Now and things like that, it talks
2:07
Speaker 1: about like the ego. This is strengthening the ego, even
2:10
Speaker 1: though you might not love it. There's enough that feeds
2:13
Speaker 1: your ego, so you stay in that realm. So that's happening. Meanwhile,
2:18
Speaker 1: you've got this whole vision, this whole idea of what
2:21
Speaker 1: you want for your future self, all these goals that
2:23
Speaker 1: you'd like to achieve, or a different life that you'd
2:25
Speaker 1: like to have, or a different personality or different traits
2:29
Speaker 1: within your personality that you would like to have, the
2:31
Speaker 1: way you do things you wish were different, the way
2:34
Speaker 1: you would learn or grow, and the relationships you would have.
2:37
Speaker 2: So then there's this conflict.
2:38
Speaker 1: There's this is the kind of life that I want,
2:40
Speaker 1: and I'm going to start really working hard for it,
2:42
Speaker 1: and I am, But then.
2:42
Speaker 2: You keep butting your head against a wall because.
2:45
Speaker 1: The personality traits that you're really kind of aligning with
2:48
Speaker 1: and romanticizing. And when I talk about romanticizing, it's more
2:51
Speaker 1: in the sense of you're really glorifying it, even if
2:54
Speaker 1: it's negative about yourself. Now, granted, there are going to
2:58
Speaker 1: be certain traits about you that are not changeable, and
3:02
Speaker 1: there's also going to be certain traits that might not
3:04
Speaker 1: be great, but it doesn't really matter to change. So,
3:07
Speaker 1: for example, you could always say I'm.
3:10
Speaker 2: Not a morning person. I'm not a morning person.
3:12
Speaker 1: But if not being a morning person doesn't really matter,
3:15
Speaker 1: and it doesn't really it's not necessary for you to
3:19
Speaker 1: have the life that you want to have, then that's
3:21
Speaker 1: not really a negative bad trait. Who cares, right, But
3:25
Speaker 1: if you're someone that's like, no, I'm the most creative
3:28
Speaker 1: in the morning. This is when I actually get things done,
3:30
Speaker 1: but I always end up snoozing.
3:31
Speaker 2: I always end up hitting the alarm. I wish I
3:33
Speaker 2: could do this.
3:34
Speaker 1: And there's people that you know, maybe go into a
3:36
Speaker 1: class together early in the morning and then they do
3:37
Speaker 1: this and I wish, I really wish I could join,
3:39
Speaker 1: but I'm not a morning person. Then that's something that
3:42
Speaker 1: you can change. So when I talk about personality traits
3:45
Speaker 1: or character traits that were specifically in today's episode, there's
3:49
Speaker 1: two things that I want to ask you, or you
3:51
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself. Actually, Number one, is it actually changeable?
3:55
Speaker 1: There are certain things that are not changeable, and you
3:58
Speaker 1: really have to be honest with yourself. Number Two, if
4:02
Speaker 1: it is changeable, do I care to change it? Like?
4:06
Speaker 2: Is it important enough to change it?
4:07
Speaker 1: Or should I be fueling my energy into the few
4:10
Speaker 1: key ones that I really should be changing because they're
4:13
Speaker 1: really cock blocking me.
4:14
Speaker 2: Right.
4:14
Speaker 1: So it's fine to have these quote unquote negative You
4:18
Speaker 1: might not even see them as negative, but you know
4:19
Speaker 1: traits that might not be ideal. But if they're not
4:22
Speaker 1: really cock blocking you, I wouldn't put my energy in that.
4:25
Speaker 1: What I mean by that is you don't have to
4:27
Speaker 1: write a list of every single character trait that's not
4:29
Speaker 1: ideal and think now I've got to change all of
4:32
Speaker 1: them because you don't. You really don't. We're going to
4:34
Speaker 1: change the ones that are stopping us, that are getting
4:37
Speaker 1: in our way. That is what this episode is about today,
4:39
Speaker 1: because again, it's not about perfection. It doesn't have to
4:42
Speaker 1: be flawless. It's we want progress. We want progress, and
4:45
Speaker 1: we need to be self aware in order to create progress.
4:49
Speaker 1: And this what we're going to be talking about today
4:51
Speaker 1: is one of the best ways to become self aware.
4:54
Speaker 2: Okay, so said this a thousand times, but I'm going
4:58
Speaker 2: to say it again.
4:59
Speaker 1: What you say impacts you a lot, Okay, and it
5:04
Speaker 1: impacts what you do.
5:06
Speaker 2: Everything you say.
5:07
Speaker 1: Or think with emotion behind it, Okay, because it's not
5:12
Speaker 1: like you say you're saying, oh my god, I'm dead
5:14
Speaker 1: that's hilarious. It doesn't actually mean that you're dead. But
5:16
Speaker 1: if you say something about yourself like oh my god,
5:19
Speaker 1: I'm so stupid I should have done this. But there's
5:22
Speaker 1: emotion behind it. Your brain's going to be like, yeah, cool, okay, done,
5:27
Speaker 1: noted you are? You know, your brain likes the easy path.
5:32
Speaker 1: And if you say something with belief and intention behind it,
5:35
Speaker 1: with emotion behind it, your brain's like, yeah, okay, cool,
5:38
Speaker 1: I get you.
5:39
Speaker 2: I will now reaffirm that. I will confirm that for you.
5:43
Speaker 2: I am going to make sure that you are right.
5:45
Speaker 2: The brain loves to be right.
5:47
Speaker 1: The more we tell something to the brain, the more
5:49
Speaker 1: it's like, yep, get reinforcing, reinforcing, and then it's going
5:51
Speaker 1: to give you back more of the same, like attracts,
5:54
Speaker 1: like with your thoughts, with your emotions, with everything, with
5:56
Speaker 1: the internal world and with the external world. So every
5:59
Speaker 1: time you repeat something with meaning behind it, where you
6:02
Speaker 1: believe it, or even if it's believable enough, it starts
6:07
Speaker 1: becoming your reality. You say it enough enough enough, and
6:11
Speaker 1: you will start to confirm it and affirm it, and
6:15
Speaker 1: you will there'll be this bias about you and it
6:17
Speaker 1: will become your reality.
6:19
Speaker 2: Okay. So the more.
6:20
Speaker 1: Emphasis you put behind something, the more the brain agrees
6:23
Speaker 1: with you saying yep, cool, cool, cool, cool cool, I'm
6:25
Speaker 1: going to make that your reality.
6:26
Speaker 2: Okay.
6:27
Speaker 1: Another thing that we love to do is that we
6:29
Speaker 1: as humans love to build things that we identify with.
6:33
Speaker 1: We love a personality test, We love horoscopes, We love
6:38
Speaker 1: seeing ourself in labels. We love it, okay, And there's
6:44
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are like, no, no, I
6:45
Speaker 1: don't like it.
6:45
Speaker 2: I don't worry.
6:46
Speaker 1: But then they're like, oh my god, you are such
6:48
Speaker 1: a Taurus or whatever. You know, Like, we love it
6:51
Speaker 1: even if we don't really believe in horoscopes. We like
6:54
Speaker 1: someone telling us what we are, what our trait is,
6:58
Speaker 1: you know, the Mayas Briggs personality test, or you know,
7:01
Speaker 1: I'm oh, my partner is a Type B, but I'm
7:04
Speaker 1: such a Type A. We love to pigeonhold ourselves. We
7:06
Speaker 1: fucking love to pigeonhold ourselves. And I'm here to tell
7:09
Speaker 1: you need to be very specific with what you choose
7:12
Speaker 1: to pigeonhole yourself with, because most of the time it's
7:16
Speaker 1: not actually helpful.
7:17
Speaker 2: It's not actually helpful, and a lot.
7:18
Speaker 1: Of these personality tests actually are flawed, very flawed. And
7:23
Speaker 1: the main reason why so many personality tests are flawed
7:25
Speaker 1: is because it's self reporting, So that's another huge one.
7:28
Speaker 1: But anyway, a lot of personality tests are flawed and
7:31
Speaker 1: those like There's been all these studies that have been
7:33
Speaker 1: done where employers use personality tests and it turns.
7:36
Speaker 2: Out that they are really bad.
7:37
Speaker 1: At gauging who is the right person for the job,
7:39
Speaker 1: even though you think all well about it. But I
7:41
Speaker 1: assessed their personality and this particular personality is going to
7:44
Speaker 1: be better for the It's all bullshit, okay. So it's
7:46
Speaker 1: not saying that every personality test is you know, a
7:49
Speaker 1: croc a shit, but close too, okay. And another reason
7:54
Speaker 1: for that is that a personality test assumes that we
7:58
Speaker 1: cannot change, which also is bullshit.
8:01
Speaker 2: Okay.
8:01
Speaker 1: So I think personality tests can be fun, but they
8:05
Speaker 1: are not the be all, end all, And I don't
8:08
Speaker 1: ever want you guys to be taking these tests and thinking,
8:11
Speaker 1: oh my god, well that's now concrete, that's just me forever,
8:13
Speaker 1: because that's also not the case. So if you want
8:15
Speaker 1: to do it for fun, go for god. If you
8:16
Speaker 1: want to bang on about type an typebe and Myers
8:19
Speaker 1: Briggs personality tests and all these things, Horoscot's.
8:22
Speaker 2: Whatever, do it. But I also want you to be
8:24
Speaker 2: aware that you are changeable. So it's up to you.
8:26
Speaker 2: The more you lean into these things and relate. Oh
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Speaker 2: my god, Oh my god, that's me. That's me, that's me.
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Speaker 1: The less, you're going to be able to look at
8:32
Speaker 1: other things and say, Okay, that's what I want, that's
8:34
Speaker 1: what I'm going to do, that's how I'm going to be.
8:35
Speaker 1: Those are the character traits that I'm going to now have.
8:38
Speaker 1: I'm going to embody these new traits because you can
8:41
Speaker 1: change some things you can't, but there's a lot that
8:43
Speaker 1: you can. So be careful and it's not a threat,
8:48
Speaker 1: but it's just saying, pay attention to your language.
8:50
Speaker 2: Okay.
8:51
Speaker 1: But like I said, we do love to pisionhole ourselves.
8:53
Speaker 1: We love to slap labels on ourselves, but then we're
8:55
Speaker 1: surprised when it's really difficult to create change for ourselves.
8:59
Speaker 2: It's like, I keep setting the same goals, then I'm
9:01
Speaker 2: not able to do this. I keep saying that I
9:03
Speaker 2: want to do this or not.
9:03
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I'm banging on about, oh
9:05
Speaker 1: my god, I'm not a morning person.
9:07
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm always last minute. I'm so last minute,
9:09
Speaker 2: I'm so chaotic. Oh my god, I'm such I'm such
9:12
Speaker 2: a mess.
9:13
Speaker 1: I'm always late. I never hand things in on time.
9:17
Speaker 1: And if like that might be the truth about your past.
9:20
Speaker 1: But if you keep talking about it as in the
9:22
Speaker 1: present and you're not pausing and saying, but do I
9:25
Speaker 1: want this for me or not? Because for a lot
9:28
Speaker 1: of people, being chaotic is actually a cute part.
9:32
Speaker 2: Of their identity.
9:33
Speaker 1: And if being chaotic works for you, do it genuinely.
9:38
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying like sarcastically, like if there's a
9:41
Speaker 1: lot of things about being chaotic that you think now overall.
9:45
Speaker 2: It really works for me. It's I enjoy it. I
9:48
Speaker 2: enjoy living life on the edge. I enjoy just fine.
9:52
Speaker 1: Then that's fine. But if you think, you know what
9:54
Speaker 1: I always bang on about being chaotic, but I really
9:56
Speaker 1: struggle to maintain consistency. I've never really achieved the goals
10:00
Speaker 1: that I want to achieve. People don't really have that much,
10:05
Speaker 1: you know. They think I'm a flake. They really think
10:07
Speaker 1: I'm a flake, so they never trust that I'm reliable.
10:11
Speaker 2: With jobs.
10:11
Speaker 1: It's been really difficult because I'm such a flake. People
10:14
Speaker 1: don't you know all these things. People don't lean on
10:16
Speaker 1: me for things I find, you know, holding down a
10:18
Speaker 1: relationship really difficult because I'm so chaotic and I'm so
10:21
Speaker 1: to the extent that people now think I'm selfish because
10:23
Speaker 1: it's my time over everyone else's time. So then you
10:26
Speaker 1: might think, if this is you, you might think, actually, being
10:29
Speaker 1: chaotic might have been such a big part of my personality,
10:32
Speaker 1: but it's not working for me anymore now. Another great
10:36
Speaker 1: example is there was this chick that I am following.
10:39
Speaker 1: I just tried to find her the other day because
10:41
Speaker 1: it was on TikTok and I just cannot find her anyway, whatever, irrelevant,
10:45
Speaker 1: but she is the Ozzie girl, and she her identity.
10:49
Speaker 2: Was the party goal. She was the party goal, the
10:51
Speaker 2: fun goal. That was her identity.
10:52
Speaker 1: And she came to the realization that on top of that,
10:56
Speaker 1: she was an alcoholic. She never really saw herself as
10:59
Speaker 1: an alcoholic because it was always social, it was always
11:01
Speaker 1: out partying, it was always but she realized that her
11:04
Speaker 1: major crutch or like whatever you call it, was alcohol
11:07
Speaker 1: and she needed that in order to maintain that personality
11:11
Speaker 1: that she was. And so she said she knew that
11:15
Speaker 1: for her health. She was sleeping terribly, she was feeling
11:19
Speaker 1: shit the next day. But her identity was the party girl.
11:23
Speaker 1: She was fun, she was chaotic, she was spontaneous, she
11:27
Speaker 1: was the last one standing every time. All her friends
11:30
Speaker 1: knew her as that, and all her friends would describe
11:33
Speaker 1: her as that to other people. So she said that
11:35
Speaker 1: even though she knew that she had to change in
11:37
Speaker 1: order for her health to improve and her sleep and
11:40
Speaker 1: everything she was, she couldn't do it for such a
11:43
Speaker 1: long time because she thought everyone, not only do I
11:46
Speaker 1: know myself as this, but everyone knows me as this,
11:49
Speaker 1: And not only does my identity have to change in
11:51
Speaker 1: my eyes, but now it's going to change in the
11:53
Speaker 1: eyes of everyone else. When you go through an identity shifts,
11:56
Speaker 1: it's twofold, it's how you say yourself, but it's also,
12:00
Speaker 1: you know, the death of how everyone else sees you,
12:03
Speaker 1: and they've got to relearn or they've got to learn.
12:05
Speaker 2: To see the new you.
12:06
Speaker 1: So for her shere was a pushback, pushback, pushback, and
12:09
Speaker 1: then one day she reached saturation point for whatever reason.
12:11
Speaker 1: I'm sure there were many reasons, but she said, I'm done.
12:13
Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore for my health.
12:15
Speaker 2: I am an alcoholic. I'm drinking way too much.
12:18
Speaker 1: So she decided to become sober, and then she had
12:21
Speaker 1: to find different ways to socialize. And what interesting for
12:25
Speaker 1: some maybe not surprising for others. She then came to
12:28
Speaker 1: the realization that she was still very fun. She didn't
12:31
Speaker 1: party nowhere near as much. She still went out, definitely
12:33
Speaker 1: not the last one standing. She didn't drink. She started
12:36
Speaker 1: finding different ways to socialize. She maintained most of her friendships.
12:40
Speaker 1: Most of all the close ones she kept, she had
12:42
Speaker 1: really fun times with them. But then all these other
12:44
Speaker 1: things started happening for her. She became a morning person,
12:46
Speaker 1: she became.
12:47
Speaker 2: Really healthy, her focus skyrocketed.
12:50
Speaker 1: She started realizing I never knew that she obviously was
12:55
Speaker 1: a full on alcoholic that she said that when she
12:57
Speaker 1: stopped drinking, she had this crazy cli Her mind was clear,
13:01
Speaker 1: she was able to stay on task, she was able
13:04
Speaker 1: to get better jobs.
13:05
Speaker 2: She was that.
13:05
Speaker 1: All these things started happening for her, but it required
13:08
Speaker 1: her to be like, I need to stop identifying with
13:11
Speaker 1: something that I've been romanticizing for so long. That doesn't
13:13
Speaker 1: work for me anymore. Now that's just an example of
13:16
Speaker 1: the story. And I'm not saying you need to become sober.
13:19
Speaker 1: Some of you may need to, but some of you
13:21
Speaker 1: may think you know what I can. I can understand that,
13:25
Speaker 1: like I can relate to that story to an extent,
13:27
Speaker 1: and maybe I don't need.
13:29
Speaker 2: To go full cold turkey on alcohol.
13:30
Speaker 1: But maybe there's certain things about my life that I'm
13:33
Speaker 1: romanticizing because that's how all my friends see me, and
13:36
Speaker 1: it's just become me. And I've thought about changing, but
13:40
Speaker 1: I'm also scared that socially it's going to be different now.
13:44
Speaker 1: People will see me differently. They're going to think I'm boring.
13:46
Speaker 1: They're going to think this, and then I won't have
13:48
Speaker 1: that label anymore. I won't be that girl or that
13:51
Speaker 1: guy in the group. And so then you think, oh,
13:54
Speaker 1: I'll hold off, Oh I'll hold off, and then you
13:55
Speaker 1: keep putting it off and off and off. Okay, so
13:58
Speaker 1: I think that it takes a lot of self awareness
14:01
Speaker 1: and it takes some bold moves for you to do it.
14:05
Speaker 2: But this is the time for you.
14:07
Speaker 1: Well, anytime is a good time, but now that you're
14:10
Speaker 1: listening to this episode, let's make this the time for
14:13
Speaker 1: you to do a little bit of an inventory on
14:17
Speaker 1: your traits and how much of them work for you,
14:20
Speaker 1: how much don't the ones that don't really work for you?
14:23
Speaker 1: Are they actually that important that you have to work
14:24
Speaker 1: on changing? Which ones are really important that you have
14:27
Speaker 1: to work on changing? Okay, because one thing that, like
14:32
Speaker 1: I tell you guys all the time, you can't control
14:34
Speaker 1: other people. So another thing that we really worry about
14:37
Speaker 1: when we go to change out our personality, our identity,
14:41
Speaker 1: what we identify with, what traits we identify with, is
14:45
Speaker 1: that we we think, well, I still want them to
14:48
Speaker 1: like me. I still want them to think that I'm fine.
14:50
Speaker 1: I still I still. But you could be digging yourself
14:53
Speaker 1: into a massive hole just because you want to align
14:56
Speaker 1: with other people, just because you really want them to
14:58
Speaker 1: like you, just because look at your long term friendships,
15:02
Speaker 1: the really long term ones. You have seen your friends
15:05
Speaker 1: go through at least one, if not many, evolutions of themselves. Okay,
15:11
Speaker 1: people change, that is the nature of humans. And you
15:16
Speaker 1: either change and evolve together as friends or you got
15:20
Speaker 1: your separate ways. The same for relationships. But you see
15:23
Speaker 1: these evolutions in people. So I don't want you to
15:26
Speaker 1: ever think, oh my god, I can't. I can't because
15:28
Speaker 1: everyone's going to view me differently. But it's in our
15:30
Speaker 1: nature to evolve and change. As you mature, as you learn,
15:34
Speaker 1: as you gain more experiences, you start deciding this no
15:37
Speaker 1: longer works for the person that I want to become,
15:39
Speaker 1: and So either I stay with that identity because that's
15:44
Speaker 1: how everyone knows me, and I think that you know,
15:47
Speaker 1: that's how I know myself and I'm scared to let
15:49
Speaker 1: it go. Or you think it's my nature to change.
15:52
Speaker 1: It's everyone's nature to change, and I'm okay with that
15:56
Speaker 1: kind of bumpy ride in order to get to that
15:58
Speaker 1: next version, that next iteration of me.
16:01
Speaker 2: Okay.
16:02
Speaker 1: The same thing goes for and like this applies for
16:06
Speaker 1: when you're trying to do something that might be really cringe.
16:10
Speaker 2: Everyone's gonna laugh. You're you're like an expert in what
16:12
Speaker 2: you do. You're a gun, you're really cool.
16:14
Speaker 1: But you're like, I'm gonna look like a fucking loser
16:17
Speaker 1: if I look like a novice and I start putting
16:19
Speaker 1: myself in that porter, that's another step that you have
16:22
Speaker 1: to take.
16:22
Speaker 2: It's like, that's that's an attack at your own identity.
16:25
Speaker 1: I'm normally seen as the best at what I do.
16:28
Speaker 1: I'm trying something new now and that's going to die now.
16:31
Speaker 1: So always check yourself, check what you identify with and
16:36
Speaker 1: why it's so difficult for you to then move on
16:39
Speaker 1: and try something different and try something new. So what
16:42
Speaker 1: I want you to do is write the things down
16:45
Speaker 1: and for each one, like the ones that you know
16:47
Speaker 1: need changing.
16:48
Speaker 2: On a top of.
16:49
Speaker 1: Mind, you're gonna be like, I keep saying that I'm
16:51
Speaker 1: not academic, I'm not acapademic.
16:53
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Don't come to me with oh my god.
16:55
Speaker 2: And then in high school you're like, I'm not going
16:56
Speaker 2: to union. Fuck that shit, I'm not akpandemic. I'm gonna
16:59
Speaker 2: And then maybe a few years down the line.
17:00
Speaker 1: You think, wow, I'm really not an academic, but there's
17:04
Speaker 1: this different career I want to go down and it
17:06
Speaker 1: requires me to study.
17:07
Speaker 2: So then you think, well, I can't because I'm not academic.
17:09
Speaker 1: But then you could think, well, actually maybe I wasn't
17:12
Speaker 1: in the past, but it doesn't mean that I can't
17:14
Speaker 1: be now.
17:15
Speaker 2: So what does that look like?
17:16
Speaker 1: You got to ask yourself, why doesn't this character trait
17:19
Speaker 1: work for me anymore? And it also helps to tell
17:22
Speaker 1: yourself why it did work for you in the past,
17:24
Speaker 1: because you also don't want to think, well, I'm a
17:26
Speaker 1: fagnerdigo by Altla. Obviously you had that trait because it
17:29
Speaker 1: worked for you, and that's good. It's good to identify
17:32
Speaker 1: where the shift has occurred.
17:33
Speaker 2: So why did it work?
17:34
Speaker 1: For me in the past because I really didn't like studying,
17:37
Speaker 1: and I didn't like the format of studying in school,
17:38
Speaker 1: and there were other things I wanted to do, so
17:40
Speaker 1: the thought of being academic couldn't bored me turned me off.
17:44
Speaker 2: Gross gross gross gross.
17:45
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's why it works for me because it
17:47
Speaker 1: was my it was my reality.
17:49
Speaker 2: Why doesn't it work for me anymore?
17:51
Speaker 1: Well, because now I've found an interest in something and
17:53
Speaker 1: I realized it. In order to go further in that thing,
17:55
Speaker 1: I need to be academic. I need to go and
17:57
Speaker 1: study this further.
17:57
Speaker 2: Okay, cool? Why you so? Why does it work?
18:00
Speaker 1: Why doesn't it work now? Is it possible for me
18:03
Speaker 1: to change? Is it possible in my eyes and in
18:06
Speaker 1: the eyes of other people? And most of the time
18:09
Speaker 1: you're going to realize, yes, it is going to be
18:10
Speaker 1: possible for you to change. Is it an all or
18:14
Speaker 1: nothing change? Sometimes you're going to think, like with the drinking,
18:18
Speaker 1: for example, is it an all or nothing change? For
18:20
Speaker 1: some people it isn't all or nothing change. It's like
18:23
Speaker 1: I need to become sober because it's ruining my life.
18:25
Speaker 1: And for other people it's like I just need to
18:28
Speaker 1: reel it in massively. I'm no longer the party crazy
18:31
Speaker 1: last one standing, but.
18:32
Speaker 2: I'm still going to go out.
18:33
Speaker 1: I'm still can have a wine, i can still do
18:35
Speaker 1: some of these things. Okay. So that's a good example
18:37
Speaker 1: of not an all or nothing change. And then would
18:43
Speaker 1: you mourn this thing once I have changed, because that's
18:47
Speaker 1: a huge one. You have to be aware that there
18:49
Speaker 1: might be a part of you that mourns the old you,
18:52
Speaker 1: because if you don't acknowledge that, you're going to keep
18:56
Speaker 1: avoiding and putting it off. Oh, next year, next month,
18:59
Speaker 1: I'll change time or don't because you're not willing to
19:02
Speaker 1: pause and mourn that side of you that helps you
19:05
Speaker 1: get to where you are now. But now it's just
19:07
Speaker 1: a hindrance and it's detrimental for you to get to
19:09
Speaker 1: where you want to be. So sometimes it will be
19:12
Speaker 1: a complete death of that trait, and sometimes you can
19:14
Speaker 1: carry some of the trait across and only you can
19:17
Speaker 1: decide that and only you can identify. But if it
19:19
Speaker 1: is the death of a trait, you have to mourn it.
19:21
Speaker 1: You have to be like I'm acknowledging it's the end,
19:24
Speaker 1: and it's the end for all these reasons, and this
19:26
Speaker 1: is why it's going to be the end right, and
19:28
Speaker 1: trust me, you're going to feel a lot better and
19:30
Speaker 1: allow yourself to mourn it and allow yourself to be
19:32
Speaker 1: like it was really good because if these like see
19:34
Speaker 1: the goods stuff in it as well, because if you
19:36
Speaker 1: only see the negative, you're kind of lying to yourself.
19:38
Speaker 1: There probably were some good things in that trait. It's
19:40
Speaker 1: just the old you. It's not helping you move forward. Okay,
19:44
Speaker 1: Now this is where it starts getting a bit more
19:46
Speaker 1: motivating and it feels better.
19:48
Speaker 2: You got to ask yourself what am I going to gain?
19:50
Speaker 1: Now? What are all the things I'm going to gain
19:52
Speaker 1: when that stops being part of my identity and when
19:55
Speaker 1: I bring on a new facet instead of that. It's
20:00
Speaker 1: to be this because you're replacing right, You're replacing it.
20:02
Speaker 1: You don't just get rid of it. You're going to
20:03
Speaker 1: replace it with something else about your identity that's going
20:06
Speaker 1: to work for you. So you've got to ask yourself
20:08
Speaker 1: what will I gain? This is where it starts to
20:10
Speaker 1: feel better. This is where you start to feel a
20:11
Speaker 1: bit more empowered and a bit more in control, and
20:14
Speaker 1: you start to get excited and you start to get
20:15
Speaker 1: all these ideas. So think about all the things that
20:17
Speaker 1: you could be gaining, because there's a lot. Then you
20:20
Speaker 1: ask yourself, if I was consistent with this, how long
20:24
Speaker 1: before it becomes a new part of my identity for me?
20:28
Speaker 1: Then how long before it becomes a new part of
20:32
Speaker 1: my identity in how others see me? Because while it
20:36
Speaker 1: shouldn't matter how other people see you.
20:38
Speaker 2: It always does.
20:39
Speaker 1: It always does, and we always think about it, and
20:42
Speaker 1: it always stops us from taking action, whether we're scared
20:44
Speaker 1: of judgment, whether we're scared of losing certain friends, whether
20:47
Speaker 1: we're scared of our social dynamic shifting a bit, whether
20:49
Speaker 1: we're scared of whatever. Okay, it always does play in.
20:53
Speaker 1: So we've got to ask ourselves. You know, if I'm
20:55
Speaker 1: consistent enough, then there won't be that much pushback. Just
20:59
Speaker 1: maybe at the beginning people be like, oh, you've changed
21:00
Speaker 1: all but then they'll get over it pretty quickly. But
21:03
Speaker 1: if I'm inconsistent, then that's going to stretch on for longer. Okay,
21:07
Speaker 1: So that's an important one to grasp. And like I said,
21:11
Speaker 1: don't worry about the ones that you don't want to
21:13
Speaker 1: change or you can't change, like for example, say you're
21:16
Speaker 1: like an avid coffee drinker, but you need to save money.
21:18
Speaker 1: But you're like, I refuse to give up that second
21:20
Speaker 1: or third coffee, And no, I'm wasting money.
21:22
Speaker 2: I know this, but I like it enough. I prefer
21:25
Speaker 2: the experience in the moment then saving that extra fucking
21:27
Speaker 2: five dollars or whatever it is.
21:29
Speaker 1: I'm not changing it. And that's fine, that's good. It's
21:32
Speaker 1: good for you to acknowledge it, crack it open.
21:34
Speaker 2: What will I gain? What won't I gain? Whatever?
21:35
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's not worth it, it's not worth
21:37
Speaker 1: changing it. That works for me, It still works for me,
21:39
Speaker 1: works for my old self, it's working for my yourself.
21:41
Speaker 2: I'm not going to change it. It's not ideal, but
21:43
Speaker 2: I'm not going to change it.
21:44
Speaker 1: Good good because at least it was a conscious decision
21:47
Speaker 1: to keep it. That's what we're talking about here. You
21:50
Speaker 1: don't have to be It doesn't have to be perfect,
21:52
Speaker 1: the perfect save I invest every fucking dollar that it
21:54
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like that. Yours have to enjoy
21:56
Speaker 1: your life. So if these traits are still enjoyable, fine,
22:01
Speaker 1: But what are the traits that are going to hinder you,
22:03
Speaker 1: that are going to be a cock block, a roadblock
22:05
Speaker 1: to where you need to go. Next, you look at
22:08
Speaker 1: the version of yourself that you're heading towards, which if
22:10
Speaker 1: these traits just aren't it aren't helping you get there.
22:13
Speaker 2: That is what we're focusing on. Okay, So that's it.
22:17
Speaker 2: That's the episode for today.
22:18
Speaker 1: I've given you some homework. You're going to drop these
22:20
Speaker 1: things down, really think about it, and you know what,
22:23
Speaker 1: just start with a couple. Start with a couple. It
22:25
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't have to
22:27
Speaker 1: be all or nothing. This is all about making our
22:30
Speaker 1: lives easier, being at piece with who we are turning into.
22:34
Speaker 2: And we're always evolving. We are always evolving.
22:37
Speaker 1: So you're either going to be on your side as
22:39
Speaker 1: you evolve and help yourself out, or you're going to
22:42
Speaker 1: do it the hard way where you know change is
22:44
Speaker 1: forced upon you where other things are changing and then
22:46
Speaker 1: you're like, oh well I never caught up and now
22:48
Speaker 1: I have to. Like it's like, go read my book
22:51
Speaker 1: how to chas Changed. It's all about that, cool man.
22:54
Speaker 2: So that is all for today's episode.
22:55
Speaker 1: Very excited and tomorrow we're going to be talking about
23:00
Speaker 1: how changing the physical is going to help you change
23:02
Speaker 1: the mental, and we're going to talk about the psychology
23:04
Speaker 1: behind it and things that you can actually be doing.
23:07
Speaker 1: That is it for today's episode. Also make sure that
23:09
Speaker 1: you are coming to my Sydney Live show. Can't wait
23:12
Speaker 1: to see you guys. It's just in a few weeks time.
23:14
Speaker 2: I'm so excited.
23:15
Speaker 1: If you haven't yet got your ticket, then go jump
23:18
Speaker 1: on do you fucking mind? No, it's actually dyfmpod dot
23:21
Speaker 1: com and you can select the little fucking menu go
23:26
Speaker 1: down and then there's tickets for the Sydney Live Show.
23:28
Speaker 2: Anyway, that's all for today. I love you so much.
23:30
Speaker 1: As always, remember be kind to yourself, be kind to
23:32
Speaker 1: your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't
23:35
Speaker 1: take shit from yourself.
23:36
Speaker 2: Dunker