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One Courage many hats · Courage into Clarity

• Jackie: Welcome to the next episode of the Courage into Clarity podcast. This is a bit of a reflective episode. Monday morning I was crossing the gym car park, my phone buzzing in my pocket with a message from my daughter about her baby's due date. And I was very conscious also of a deck being open on my laptop for a global HR meeting and a team event next week for me to finish. I needed to be mama. I needed to be mummy. I needed to be a facilitator and coach and a supervisee. Me all underneath all these hats in that last week. I nearly didn't record this episode. I told myself I was too stretched, too scattered, too much in it to talk about courage within. clarity and then I realised that feeling right there is the episode. So welcome to Courage into Clarity. I'm Jackie Graher and today we're talking about many hats and the one courage that lets us wear them all. So let's have a quick reminder for anyone here. The framework I work from has four stages. Courage, clarity, alignment and action. Most people assume clarity comes first, that you think your way to courage, but I've spent 20 years watching that be backwards. Courage comes first. You find the courage to look at what's actually true, about a team, a decision, a relationship, a week. And clarity follows, not the other way around. Because when we're not courageous, we get caught up in our own fogginess, our own stories. Today isn't about a team or a client, it's about the space between our roles and the courage that it takes to move through them honestly instead of performing our way through it, as I so often see in teams and leaders and in myself. So let's begin. So the courage to be imperfectly present, so the story so far. So last Tuesday, I had my granddaughter for the day in the afternoon as my daughter had gone off to the hospital to be checked because her baby was due and she was having contractions. I had two sessions booked with the Global HR team and I have to admit to half of me being fully there, both with my daughter and with the HR team, if I'm really honest. So there I was building towers, doing voices for the third read of the same book. And then the other half of me was doing mental maths on how much time I had before my two o'clock call or what I was going to do on the HR learning session, what I was going to cover and in the afternoon what had gone well or not gone so well in the morning. So the HR team are spread across four continents, screens full of faces every hour of the day, some at seven, some at nine, their time, all trying to give me their attention. And I really felt, you know, that I owed them to give me mine. So I set myself up in the living room, have to admit to putting a bit of television on for my granddaughter and some food and keeping her occupied. And I do have to say that she was absolutely brilliant throughout. session but you know even three-year-olds have an attention span which gets tested at times. So there I was starting the session. I was trying to juggle the session, keep her amused, be present in the session to answer questions and share my framework. And at one point she turned around and said to me, luckily I think I was on mute, mama, you're not looking. She calls me mama, not grandma. You're not looking, you're not concentrating or you're not here. She was right. I wasn't. And I guess the courage then, it would have been easier to pretend to nod along half present, let her believe. I wasn't there. But also the courageous thing, and it did take courage more than I expected, was to let the group know that I was juggling as well. And that really enabled me to, I guess, manage those emotions more effectively. So that anxiety, that tension or fear that I was going to come across as distracted or rude, by actually naming it, really helped me have the courage to speak up more openly and to clear my head as well of that pressure. So I let them know that you know I had an extra facilitator with me I think she even popped in on screen a couple of times and that there might be some disruptions and I suspect that many of them probably felt or had the same situation going on and probably almost felt a bit of a sense of relief because I certainly had some lovely feedback at the end. So, you know, that small domestic kind of courage, but it's the same muscle that we asked executive teams to use when we asked them to admit that they've been performing, ⁓ instead of maybe living, performing alignment instead of maybe living it or taking actions based on reaction rather than intentional thought. So the framework, you know, courage here, it wasn't grand what I did, just telling the truth about where my attention actually was so I could get clear enough to change it, but it really enabled me to have that clarity both in my head and I think in the relationship both with my granddaughter and those in the room. So the next story, I guess, about courage last week is one around uncertainty and not being able to fix it. So my daughter's due any day. We're still waiting for the baby. But every call this week and last week has had that undertone. They're not knowing the waiting. There could be today. There could be next week. How are you? Can I do anything? I feel so far away. And as a mother, everything in me just wants to solve that uncertainty, make it comfortable. Make it certain, but you know you can't nobody can babies come when they come and when they're ready And she's doing everything right to make that happen So the courage here was different from Tuesday's it wasn't about presence. It was about restraint So the courage to sit in someone else's uncertainty not to fix things without trying to manage it away to say You know I'm here whenever it happens. I'll come back. You know when I can it at that instead of filling the silence with advice which she really didn't want. She really didn't want solutions. In fact she asked me at the weekend or said to me at the weekend, please can you just tell me I'm doing a good job? I just need to know I'm doing a good job. I don't need a solution. I don't need to be told what to do. I just need a bit of acknowledgement and that's certainly a pattern that we see in teams and with leaders who mistake that action for courage you know when actually the braver move is to stay the not knowing to let go a little, to let other people take some of the responsibility so that the clarity that follows is real not rushed and also that people feel appreciated and valued which is obviously really key in teams. So that was sort of my second story if you like of the week. And probably one of the single most common things I hear at work, that feeling of letting go, being able to let go, not jumping in to respond. So it felt like a very parallel story to a lot of what we see and hear in teams. So let's think about further week's events. So I guess the courage to prepare without knowing how it all lands. So behind the scenes last week, I was also preparing for a team event this week. So this is a team event and away day for a commercial team who I've been working with the leader coaching for some time and she's asked me to now work with the team. The team are in a really great place, know there's great trust in the team, great foundation to build on. Yes there are a few frictions but plenty of strengths to really build on and I know that you know what we do in the room will be well received. But I noticed in myself a bit of a niggle as I was planning the format as I wanted to try something new and thinking, you know, how will this land? There's a great deal of trust in the team and trust in the leader and that's fantastic. But, you know, will they trust me as a facilitator? Will they trust what I'm bringing to the room and some of the things that I'm offering them? And I noticed a few, you know, self doubts and questions of self belief popping up and becoming stronger as I was busier and trying to juggle everything. So I think, you know, I want to try something new with them, they've asked to do something that's reflective and action led but also that's a bit of fun. So ⁓ like many businesses nowadays, they're incredibly busy, they don't have much time for pause. So I'm going to combine a bit of what I've been doing recently and we're going to do a bit of chair yoga and some breathing and really link it to resilience, to ⁓ thinking about how when we slow down, we become calmer, we have more clarity. We're going to link the chair yoga to opening up across our chests and throats which can help us have conversations and then link that to taking some actions or having some open conversations in the room. So I'm really excited to think about what we're going to do but I'd also noticed a little bit of anxiety as to whether I was fully prepared because preparation I guess looks like competence from the outside but from the inside for me you know sometimes it can be full of doubt. thinking, will it land, will I have enough to work with them in the room. I actually think that will be the case. But I guess the courage in this hat is to prepare thoroughly and still walk in not fully in control of the outcome. To trust the sequence that's happened before we get there, the timings, the preparation, knowing that I know what I'm doing and trusting the relationship, even when part of me wants to sort of rush to fix it. So I guess that's links to our framework so alignment. So alignment doesn't happen because a facilitator wills it on the day, it happens because courage and clarity were built into the design. So we will very much spend some time with the team growing that courage gaining some clarity long before we get to the place in the room of really aligning their views and coming out with some actions which we'll obviously do by the end of the day. but the space will be given for that reflection and that pause. So the final story was one of ⁓ supervision. So the final thing that I was juggling last week was the courage to be coached, not just to coach. So supervision is something obviously I've practiced many times over the years, but I'm doing more regularly now as part of the team session, that team coaching that we're working on. And it feels really more important and it's incredibly valuable. And it was nice to reconnect with the group. from Henley Business School to do that supervision and to talk through some of the things that we've all been working with with teams and it's amazing how illuminating that session was. So it's the place to bring my work to other coaches and let them see I guess where I am, maybe where I've got stuck, where I'm struggling but also some of the successes and to hear from them too and get that feedback. So the courage to receive the feedback I guess the challenge for me. last week was I was juggling a three-year-old on my lap so my lovely granddaughter, Blessa, was really intrigued by everyone on the screen so was really taking part. It was a friendly audience because I know everyone but she was really interested in what we were doing so again trying to be present, trying to hold the space for other people honestly, trying to sit in the chair and let someone hold up a mirror to me while also you know juggling a three-year-old and to them and giving them some attention too. You know I bought a relationship where I could feel myself avoiding something in the conversation and it was so useful to have that reflection from others about what they thought I might be seeing and feeling and offered some things back. One of the things that resonated with me was that someone said I was maybe protecting the client rather than being honest with them about what could happen and what needed to happen and that I really useful and really resonated so I think that's definitely a point I'm going to explore more. So despite the distraction and the comfort the courage stage was definitely doing doing its job and even with a three-year-old on my lap I managed to have a reflective situation and a practice that allowed me to think about how I was working. So I guess finally it was about you know bringing the hats together. So what has the week actually taught me. Well it's taught me was a busy one. You know, five completely different kinds of courage, presence, know, restraint, permission, trust in preparation, willingness to be seen, five different times, ⁓ plus a lot of juggling and energy and ⁓ needing to look after themselves. And I guess none of them looks like the dictionary definition of bravery or involved a big dramatic moment as we were talking about. when we talked about the definition of courage with the HR team because that's not how courage really shows up. It's not, you know, a leap off a cliff or jumping out of a plane or ⁓ necessarily doing something that's really scary. It can be lots of small, honest choices across the week. Can you put your phone down and be present with someone? Can we sit in the silence that's created for others? Can we go first and share what's happening for us or trust the design and trust our ability and competence when we walk into the room and can we let someone see a blind spot we might have or where we could perhaps have some feedback or some support. All those things really show a bit of courage. But I guess the part I wanted to leave you with was the exhaustion that I felt by Friday, which was definitely there and I know I hadn't been sleeping that well expecting my daughter to knock on the door while I was staying with her and let me know she was going to the hospital. But I think the exhaustion wasn't necessarily a sign I was doing it wrong. know, wearing many hats doesn't mean wearing them effortlessly. It means having the courage to take one off sometimes, put it down. Maybe I should have done less work. You maybe I should have let go of something else rather than trying to keep all the hats in place or juggle them on and off. time which you definitely felt like this and have a bit more self-compassion as well that I did manage it, admitting that I was tired perhaps before I put on the next hat to do the next things, giving me some space and reflection time between each one. I think that would be my lesson for the week. So I hope you've enjoyed my little reflection and what I'd ask you to sit with this week is which hats been the hardest for you to wear honestly. Not perfectly, but honestly. Where have you been performing a role instead of living it and what would it take this week to tell yourself the truth about that? And the other half of the question, have you given yourself credit for doing it? Because that's the part of the courage stage too, not just honesty, but the self-recognition. So if this episode's landed for you, I'd love to hear which hat you recognised in yourself. You can find me on Courage in Declare. or whether you ever you follow Courage into Clarity on LinkedIn or Instagram. Until next time I hope you find your courage and let the clarity follow. Thank you for listening.