Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E11 - New Year's Resolutions

Transcript

S4 E11 - New Year's Resolutions · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:01
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us into the show.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: And Jeff, here we are, the last show of 2025.
0:30
SPEAKER_02: End of the year always reminds me of this saying that one of my teachers in in junior high said.
0:35
SPEAKER_02: He said, The year will pass.
0:36
SPEAKER_02: Don't pick your nose.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: Well, no, he told me that, but he said, the year will pass, but will that kidney stone?
0:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and we didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
0:47
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, how's it going, Jeff?
0:49
SPEAKER_00: It was going fine, and now I'm kind of thinking I may have kidney stone.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: But you're right.
0:56
SPEAKER_02: It is that time of the year, end of the year, and you know what that time means.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: Time to update our citizenship documentation.
1:04
SPEAKER_02: Because you know, remember those commercials when we were kids that aliens had to register in January?
1:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
1:10
SPEAKER_02: I I thought it was like aliens from planets, you know, and stuff.
1:13
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, wow, they have to register?
1:15
SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I digress.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: I agree that you know, updating our citizenship information would be important if we were in another country.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: But I think in this country, it's kind of a feel, right?
1:28
SPEAKER_00: People just they know when you're illegal.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: And they don't need any of that bullshit documentation and proof.
1:36
SPEAKER_02: Oh no, evidence as for beta.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: It's so woke.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: So no, it's not that time of year.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: Not that time of year.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Well then you can take another guess.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it must be then time for your colonoscopy.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: Once a month, I do that once a month.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh you know, it's important to stay on top of that.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: Every month, that must feel so light and fresh.
1:55
SPEAKER_02: Do you do it to make sure that you're still an ass?
1:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's I don't think that changes.
1:59
SPEAKER_02: That's pretty much a constant.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: Do you think that when they do the colonoscopy, they can tell if you have kidney stones?
2:05
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm still starting to think about it.
2:07
SPEAKER_02: I think it's kind of an unrelated operation, but it's worth asking, you know.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: Hey, as long as I'm here, doc.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: This is the time of the year where we do New Year's resolutions, which has been something we've done every year since, I don't know, 1987.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, somewhere in there.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of excited about it.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: Every year we do these, and every year we don't really act on them, and by the end of the year, I forgot what I asked for.
2:33
SPEAKER_02: You know, I I think last year I asked for peace on earth and goodwill toward all.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: Maybe that was the answer that I've always kind of thought I'd give if I was ever in a beauty pageant.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: Haven't been yet, but could happen, right?
2:45
SPEAKER_00: Could happen.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: I don't remember mine at all.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: I have no idea.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: I do remember though, didn't I go first and I gave like a hundred of them or whatever, and then you did second, and you're like, I'm not doing this.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, pretty much.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I had like doing one or two.
3:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I'm not doing a hundred.
3:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I'm not even gonna do one or two.
3:04
SPEAKER_02: Why would I do a hundred?
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I liked the one or two that you that you did.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: You didn't dilute it with a bunch of stupid ones like I promise that I won't be deported this year, or well, good thing that wasn't a resolution, you know.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you.
3:19
SPEAKER_02: Speaking of that, I think it's safe to say with everything that's happened in our country this year.
3:23
SPEAKER_02: I mean, what yeah, what a year and not in a like a good way, you know what I mean?
3:28
SPEAKER_02: With everything that's happened, I didn't actually do any resolutions, but you know, now that we're at the end of the year, I think 2026 could be different.
3:36
SPEAKER_02: Because thanks to our king, he has really shown us that anything is possible.
3:41
SPEAKER_02: I mean, literally anything.
3:42
SPEAKER_02: I mean, think about it, Jeff.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: Just a few years ago, would you have ever believed that a sociopathic felon with no soul could be president of the United States?
3:51
SPEAKER_02: But see, huh?
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Or that our king could be president of the United States, right?
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Because we you're not obviously you're not referring to the city.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, yeah, I guess theoretical.
4:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: And the other thing is about these New Year's resolutions, just a bunch of stupid ones.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: I really don't even know where to go with this.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any ideas on that?
4:11
SPEAKER_02: Funny you should ask that because I got a letter.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: You know Bart, right?
4:15
SPEAKER_02: I do.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: Letter from our friend Bart.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: It just started me thinking about selfless acts and resolutions and resolutions for the good of all.
4:24
SPEAKER_02: So he made this New Year's resolution last year that was not particularly unusual.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: Uh he made a New Year's resolution to lose 50 pounds in 2025.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: You know, millions make that resolution every year.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: Not necessarily 50 pounds, but yeah, it could be 20, 10, whatever.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: Lose weight.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: That's a biggie.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Some kidney stones are 50 pounds.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, some are.
4:44
SPEAKER_02: And so you could lose if if it passes.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: You know, the cool thing was though, his wife wanted to be supportive, so she bought Bard the scale.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: You could keep track of his weight loss.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: He loved the scale.
4:55
SPEAKER_02: It was one of those where you you pull it up as like a rowing bar, you know, those new ones.
4:59
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was it was cool.
5:01
SPEAKER_02: So he's using the scale, and about a week later he says, you know, honey, the scale's great.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: Thank you again.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: What a great gift.
5:07
SPEAKER_02: Now I not only can weigh myself daily to keep track of how much weight I'm losing, but I can actually measure the amount of poo that I get rid of as a result of this diet, because you know it's an elimination sort of diet.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: You burn more, you take in less, you poo more.
5:24
SPEAKER_02: I in theory that adds to a lower number, but I'm my math is so bad, but but I digress.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: His wife was thrilled to hear that, and she said, Oh man, I never thought of that.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: That is that's outstanding.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: So I I guess what you do, you you know, you step on the scale before you go to the toilet, and then step on the scale when you're done, and the difference is the weight of the poo, right?
5:45
SPEAKER_02: And you know, Bart said, Well, yeah, I guess you could do it that way too.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: That was personal for me, but uh oh, you got one of those scales too.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: I guess uh before you run out of time and we're into 2026, too deep before it's Veterans Day, right?
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Um maybe we ought to read a couple of these emails that we got from our audience because they're they're the smart ones, you know.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: That is such a great idea, Jeff, because let's face it, the millions that listen to our show, they're the ones that drive these ideas and they have great resolutions.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: We've always had great resolutions from them.
6:23
SPEAKER_02: Not from us.
6:24
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we we don't do crap, but they have these great resolutions.
6:28
SPEAKER_02: You want me to go first?
6:29
SPEAKER_02: Please.
6:30
SPEAKER_02: Thinking about our king, I guess we should start off with the resolution from our king.
6:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh his New Year's resolutions are of course the most important, and we all must kowtow the like a cabinet meeting.
6:42
SPEAKER_02: His resolution for 2026 is to lower prices, secure the border, and end all wars.
6:50
SPEAKER_02: Ah, no, wait, wait.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: No, that was last year's resolutions.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Ah, well, you know, though, doesn't he say that every year?
6:56
SPEAKER_02: And he's always right.
6:57
SPEAKER_02: He's always right, sure.
6:58
SPEAKER_02: Why not?
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: This first one is from uh Mike Hunt from Pasadena, California.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: You're from your what?
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Mike Hunt from Pasadena, California.
7:10
SPEAKER_02: Of the Pasadena hunts, yes, okay.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:14
SPEAKER_02: Not related to the ketchup or anything.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: No, no, you know, yeah, right.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and Mike has written to us before, you know, Mike Hunt.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, oh yes, yeah.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: He but what he is committing to is that he is going to commit to a serious relationship and eventually get married.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: I think that's it's it's a big idea.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: Good luck to my cunt.
7:35
SPEAKER_02: With that name, I cannot help but think of.
7:37
SPEAKER_02: I used to work with a guy named Michael Hawk, and literally he would answer my offices were like doors were open, is right, and he literally would answer the phone, Mike Hawk.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: When I worked for a bow tie, we had a sales rep named Richard Rash, and he went by Dick Rash.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: It was hard for him to set meetings, I imagine, right?
8:01
SPEAKER_02: I mean, because would you like to meet with shake hands with Dick Rash?
8:06
SPEAKER_02: It's like so continue.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: Good luck again to my cunt.
8:10
SPEAKER_02: Uh, this one comes from Tommy Loparts of Fleece Gibbon, Idaho.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: And his resolution is very few people have.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: Tommy, maybe, and two or three others.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: But he resolves to finally tell Marcy how he feels.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: Well, Marcy, a little shout out.
8:29
SPEAKER_02: This is like those Valentine's Day dedications.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: This one's to you, Marcy.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: Now, maybe when he says how he feels, maybe, maybe he can't stand her.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: Maybe he's married to Marcy and he can't stand her, and he's gonna tell her how he really feels.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: So in that case, forget a Marcy.
8:43
SPEAKER_02: I don't listen.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: Well, and love can be complicated.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: That's that's what Kathy always tells me.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh well, you know, she's on, I think she's on to something there.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when she comes home at two in the morning, you know, yeah, Saturday.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, say where were you?
8:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's complicated.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: I have another one here.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: This one is probably the last political one because I think I know who this may be, although she didn't give her full name, but it was a K Gnome.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Not a lot of gnomes, and she's from Washington, D.C.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: And uh she says that for 2026 she would like to receive gold status by having a hundred cosmetic procedures done by the end of the year.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: Now it's kind of solidified.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: I think we all kind of know who that is.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: Are there a hundred spots left?
9:30
SPEAKER_02: I mean, do you have to find I don't know what's true to redo stuff, you know?
9:34
SPEAKER_02: I don't there aren't a hundred spots left.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: And after the Republicans are done with our new insurance plan, I doubt if any of that stuff will be covered anyway.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: So it'll be covered for her.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, she'll get it.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you won't, but but the fallback for her is that she also wants to adopt a puppy and turn it into a therapy dog.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: So you know, good good luck with that.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: I feel sorry for that puppy.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: That's not the puppy's resolution, I'm sure.
10:00
SPEAKER_02: No, I've got an interesting one here from uh a Verna gas matter of Flea Biton, Texas.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: Verna resolves to only drink vodka after 4 p.m.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: Ooh, Verna wakes up at 3 30.
10:13
SPEAKER_02: And those vodka parts are bad.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: Tell me about it.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: I hang with my mom all the time.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: So here's one another woman.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: She is from Twin Balls, Montana, and her name is I think I've been there, yeah.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, her name is Miss Tess Tickle.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: Ah, yeah.
10:29
SPEAKER_02: Tessicle.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: Tess Tickle.
10:31
SPEAKER_02: I saw her act in Baltimore one time.
10:33
SPEAKER_02: Did you?
10:34
SPEAKER_02: No, I thought that sounds very familiar, yes.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, speaking of that, she says that she would like to take up juggling.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
10:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, she didn't juggle what I saw, but okay.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: And join a cirque dissolue company.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: And you know, you have to be careful with that because once you get a couple of those balls in the air, they can be dangerous and embarrassing.
10:53
SPEAKER_02: We got another one here from an Arnie Arnie Steinstein.
10:58
SPEAKER_02: Arnie Steinstein.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: That's how it is.
11:00
SPEAKER_02: Arnie Steinstein of uh Denver, Colorado.
11:03
SPEAKER_02: And he resolves to stop touching himself on buses.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: No.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: The transit authority really appreciates it.
11:10
SPEAKER_02: Now, the subway is still fair game, apparently, Arnie, right?
11:13
SPEAKER_02: It's just buses you're talking, right?
11:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, and that kind of goes back to these realistic New Year's resolutions.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: If he said that he wasn't going to touch himself on any transportation, that's not realistic.
11:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, when you're starting with the buses.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't know Arnie, but I know Arnie couldn't do that.
11:30
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
11:31
SPEAKER_02: So what do you got there, Jeff?
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Here's somebody from Cummings, Georgia.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: And his name is Jack Off.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's another one you wouldn't want to shake hands with necessarily.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: He wants to take up golf.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: We always said your name is your destiny, and golf, I think Jack Off is golf.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Somebody is telling him in this universe that he needs to play golf.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: He wants to be able to shoot a 70 at some point in his life.
11:56
SPEAKER_02: Well, you gotta hand it to Jack.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's to see what I did there.
12:00
SPEAKER_02: I did see.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: I didn't see it, but I there it is.
12:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you didn't miss a thing.
12:04
SPEAKER_02: Don't trust me.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: You should be glad you didn't see it.
12:07
SPEAKER_02: But we've got another one here from a Marilyn Laundromat of Valdante, California.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: And Marilyn resolves to clean out her entire family.
12:17
SPEAKER_02: Now I hope that's all in good fun, Marilyn.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: I hope this is nothing.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Maybe she's gonna steal money from them.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Laundromat cleaning?
12:26
SPEAKER_00: I think she's just talking about washing everybody's clothes, which I think is a noble commitment.
12:33
SPEAKER_02: Could I send you some clothes, Marilyn?
12:35
SPEAKER_02: Maybe uh if you're gonna be washing anyway, right?
12:38
SPEAKER_02: I think that's a good idea.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: The next one is another woman.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: It's like, I don't know whether I'm just pulling out only women and speaking of pulling out well, anyways, I I won't go back to Jack Goff.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: And have you noticed the names are very telling?
12:54
SPEAKER_00: No idea what you're talking about.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: It's you know, but you look at the picture, you know, and you say, What do you see in it?
12:59
SPEAKER_00: And you know, some people see some people see the goblets and some people see the processes, yeah.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Right or that too much.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: So this woman, her name is I'm a pig.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: Her goal for next year.
13:11
SPEAKER_02: I bet she changed her name.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: I bet her name was probably Pagatti.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Or I'm a hog.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm a hog.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, probably changed her last name if she got married to somebody.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: But she, yeah, she wants to be a wet nurse.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: You don't see a lot of it nowadays, do you?
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Wet nurses?
13:30
SPEAKER_02: You don't, but that's interesting.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: And given her name, you know, that's very interesting because I have read, and I don't know this from personal experience, but I have read that a mother hog typically has between 12 to 14 nipples.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: Really?
13:45
SPEAKER_02: I yeah, read it on a cap of a snapple bottle, but so it's gonna be gotta be true.
13:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, gotta be true.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: This is so educational for everybody.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: We've got one here.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: Tony Ramada of Spineless Maryland uh resolves to only drive 20 over the limit, especially in school zones.
14:03
SPEAKER_02: Well, I think Tony, all of your Maryland resident friends can rest assured.
14:08
SPEAKER_02: That last name Ramada, did you say was last name?
14:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, name like that, it's gotta be good, you know, classy.
14:15
SPEAKER_02: I think we should check in on Mr.
14:16
SPEAKER_02: Ramada.
14:17
SPEAKER_02: Oh can't you see what I did there?
14:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: Another woman.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: She's from Accidental, Oklahoma.
14:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I know I've been there, yeah.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and her name is uh Lee King.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Lee King.
14:32
SPEAKER_02: Lee Lee King, right?
14:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Lee King.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Leaking.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Lee King.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you can pronounce it, you can emphasize it any way you want, but yeah, it's it's Lee.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: Lee is promising that she is going to get a job at Walgreens.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: She's a big shopper there, especially when there's last-minute urges and needs, and plus, she'll be able to get the employee discount.
14:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, it depends.
14:57
SPEAKER_02: Next one here we've got from a oh, oh, this one, another woman here, Mary Farrell of Wayward, Michigan.
15:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh she is resolving to get over her shyness and finally marry that chimpanzee she's been involved with.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Farrell, you know, that that's kind of an independent sort of name.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you are your your name is your destiny.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Being ferrell, being a feral probably means something.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's kind of scary.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: It means you probably marry a chimpanzee, I think.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: The next letter that we received is from a Fran Tick.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: Fran tick.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Fran tick.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: From Decatur, Illinois.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Now, Steve, yeah, didn't we know the tick family in Decatur?
15:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I remember a David Tick, uh Heady Tick, uh Woody Tick.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't remember Fran though.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: I don't either.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: She started to write her resolution, but she sort of stopped in the middle of it, kind of like she was in a hurry or you know, got distracted.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: So you know, frantic.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: Let us know.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe next year you can submit something again.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: Good luck to you, my dear tick.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I see what you did there.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: Did you see what I did with that?
16:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so yeah.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: It's hard to shoehorn that in there.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: You'll really be excited about this one.
16:18
SPEAKER_02: A Johnny Pudenda of Perineum, Pennsylvania.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh has resolved what city?
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Perineum.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Perineum, Pennsylvania.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: It's uh yeah, it's it's somewhere between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.
16:31
unknown: Yeah.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: So he has resolved to finish his medical residency and finally become that Obi-Gaini that he has always wanted to become.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: So there you go.
16:39
SPEAKER_02: He's well on his way, Dr.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: Pudenda.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure he is.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm down to my last one on this list.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I have several more.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Good.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking forward to it.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: The last one I have is from another woman.
16:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: And then she is from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I bet she is.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: Her name is uh Connie Lingus.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: Connie Lingus.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Ah, yes.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: I thought the name might be something like that, but I didn't aggress.
17:06
SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
17:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: And what she wants to do is she's committing to find a man who shares her values and hobbies and you know, and get serious with them.
17:15
SPEAKER_02: Maybe she should reach out to Mike Hunt.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they they could be a really good match.
17:20
SPEAKER_02: Yo, you're gonna like this one.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: Another Pennsylvanian.
17:23
SPEAKER_02: My gosh, there is some real resolution activity going on in Pennsylvania.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: They say it's a swing state, so that it must be swinging, I'll tell you.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: But this is uh Peter Gozenia of Blue Ball, Pennsylvania.
17:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh he has resolved to find a nice warm home for the winter.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, maybe he could, maybe Connie and him could find.
17:42
SPEAKER_02: So they're both in Pennsylvania.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know, that could work.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: That makes me shiver just thinking about it.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Should I keep going here?
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Because I I got a few more here.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Just kind of sit back and take notes because I still don't know what my resolution should be.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: You know, you might get a good idea for a resolution from Okay, I'm taking notes.
18:01
SPEAKER_02: For example, here, Ida know of Hooker, Oklahoma, has resolved to get the Mar-a-Lago plastic surgery in hopes of becoming the first actual human sextile.
18:14
SPEAKER_02: Ida, I think you're well on your way.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: I wonder though, if I could even afford it, because it it kind of isn't it, it's pretty expensive, and don't you have to pay in special foreign currency?
18:24
SPEAKER_02: Uh you can pay either in their crypto or you can give them an airplane.
18:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh you give them an airplane, you're good.
18:31
SPEAKER_02: Do we still have that airplane behind the studio?
18:34
SPEAKER_02: That model that I would fly sometimes when I got bored?
18:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: No, it's still out there.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: I yeah, I don't know if that's gonna work though.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: All right.
18:41
SPEAKER_02: And here, Bernie Mann of Pie Town in New Mexico resolves to limit himself to three gummies and six pieces of pie each day.
18:50
SPEAKER_02: That is such restraint, Bernie.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's two pieces of pie per gummy.
18:54
SPEAKER_02: That's hardly anything at all, right?
18:56
SPEAKER_02: Makes me hungry and high at the same time.
18:59
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, right.
18:59
SPEAKER_02: A little of both.
19:00
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and here, Hydrometer of Fishkill, New York resolves to develop the first water-powered coffee maker.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: Now, hi, that's interesting.
19:11
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how to tell you this, hi, but I think coffee makers are basically water powered.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: Because you put water in and then now there is some other energy, heat, or something, but you know, hi.
19:24
SPEAKER_02: I maybe rethink that a little bit, hi, but I appreciate the initiative.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: I think last year Hi invented the internet.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: I think he did, yes.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: He's got some good ideas.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: I just think that he's a little behind.
19:37
SPEAKER_02: A little bit, yeah.
19:38
SPEAKER_02: He's gonna come out with the four-door sedan for the baby boom families.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, he's a little slow on the uptake, but you know.
19:45
SPEAKER_02: But he's always thinking.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: He's always thinking, always something, right?
19:49
SPEAKER_02: And last but not least, Gregor Samsa of Prague and the Czech Republic.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: See, we have so many international listeners, man.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: This is so cool.
19:57
SPEAKER_02: Gregor Samsa of Prague, Czech Republic.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh he resolves to avoid bug spray next year.
20:03
SPEAKER_02: And I think, Gregor, you need to avoid it.
20:07
SPEAKER_02: Weren't those outstanding?
20:08
SPEAKER_02: Those were just great.
20:09
SPEAKER_02: They were really good.
20:10
SPEAKER_02: That's just it's that's the level of listener we've got.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: We have great listeners.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: It makes me want to do New Year's resolutions like once a month, like when I get my colonoscopy.
20:22
SPEAKER_02: If you do the colonoscopy on the first, you could do the resolution on the 15th, or vice versa.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: We get to the end here, and for me, I did want to have something.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to just say I have no resolutions, especially after everybody else thrown out so many good ideas.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: But for me, Steve, I I just like a little civility in our country to come back.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: That would be the thing that would be great.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: That and I'd like to double date with Connie and Mike sometime.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: I think that would be really fun.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: It could be a swing of thing or Peter.
20:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, those would be the two things that I will commit to.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: What about you?
20:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm hoping for civility, but that's not really something I can necessarily control.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's not like a resolution is something that you know you can do.
21:09
SPEAKER_02: I I mean I can do my part, I can be civil, but I don't know that that's gonna change the the overall climate.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: So, yes, I want that, but I don't I don't know if I'm gonna count that as a resolution.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: I think it's a resolution.
21:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was kind of inspired by some of those that we heard, and I think I'm only going to drink three drinks and only before midnight.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: Is that East Coast time?
21:34
SPEAKER_00: Is that Pacific or well?
21:36
SPEAKER_02: It's always midnight somewhere.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: So it's always midnight somewhere.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: I'll find I'll find the time zone, don't worry.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you always come up with better ones than me.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: That's that IQ.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: I pulled that off of yeah, I pulled that off of something that I read about, you know, peace on earth.
21:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, that was you, I think for a minute.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: It was me, right?
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if you mentioned civility, but I you know, I just kind of threw that in there.
21:58
SPEAKER_02: But it's been a great year, Steve.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: It really has.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: And fun doing this this show, this podcast.
22:05
SPEAKER_02: Um my resolution is to keep doing this podcast, okay?
22:08
SPEAKER_02: And and much to the chagrin of our listeners, but they'll get over it.
22:12
SPEAKER_02: Hopefully, our listeners are excited that we're gonna keep doing this podcast.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: And People's Choice, we're here.
22:21
SPEAKER_02: Golden Globes, People's Choice, we got Snubbs Academy Awards.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, we got snubs next year.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: But next year snub.
22:29
SPEAKER_02: Next year, hey, I'm looking, I'm looking at you, Golden Globes.
22:33
SPEAKER_02: You got a category for podcasts, we're it.
22:36
SPEAKER_02: We are the ones.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking forward to it too.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Let's do this again.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Let's make a note on our calendar that we'll be right here doing New Year's resolutions at the end of this year.
22:46
SPEAKER_02: If the Golden Globes won't give us the award, I bet we could get a little league baseball team to give us an award.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: And then we could take our picture with and we could smile and wear a cowboy hat and feel good and you know, throw a side.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: And it's all about the youth of America.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it is, yes.
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Well, until then.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: Hey, have a good week.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna keep the show running.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna we're not gonna take those breaks that some of those people take around the holidays.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna keep the show hammering, keep the show going.
23:18
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
23:18
SPEAKER_02: And Johnny, happy new year to you, and maybe you got some resolutions too, Johnny.
23:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm almost afraid to hear what they are, but Johnny, take us out of this show and take us out of this year.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: This has been a Betty Strong production in association with Lessi Fi Media.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, steve and Jeff.com.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: Steve's mom and I have a wonderful tradition about New Year's resolutions.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: On New Year's Eve, we sit down and write page after page of resolutions for the next year.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Then we drink as much pop off as we can stand, and then when we get up on New Year's Day, we go out the yard and we burn all those pages of resolutions.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: Just like everyone else, except sooner.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: Traditions are important.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: Happy New Year, and goodness.