Latest / Apostle Lazarus Femi / THE CHEAT CODE TO WORK-LIFE BALANCE

Transcript

THE CHEAT CODE TO WORK-LIFE BALANCE · Apostle Lazarus Femi

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Speaker 1: A lot of us are over indexing on the spiritual
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Speaker 1: to the detriment of the practical.
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Speaker 2: Yahwa Hansen Kwaw, the woman who became the first female
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Speaker 2: student government president in Ganayan College history.
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Speaker 1: I did that in the early stages of my career.
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Speaker 1: People who are demanding excellence from me shouldn't be a
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Speaker 1: prayer point. I should actually be covering them that Father,
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Speaker 1: I thank you for this person who is stretching me
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Speaker 1: beyond my current capacity. I thank you for these people
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Speaker 1: who are calling me out on bad behavior.
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Speaker 2: Went on to advise the United Nations, speak at the
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Speaker 2: World Economic Form and build the Leading Ladies Network, a
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Speaker 2: movement that has transformed the lives of thousands of African
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Speaker 2: women and girls by turning potential into power.
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Speaker 1: When I fast and pray, now, it's God, help me
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Speaker 1: be sensitive to my blind spots. Introduced me to the
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Speaker 1: new voices that you that I need to be hearing
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Speaker 1: in this season. And many of them aren't even Christian voices.
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Speaker 1: Some of them are just at the pinnacle of their career.
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Speaker 1: And it's like, this is a person I need to
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Speaker 1: learn and grow from old me. I would wrongly interpret scripture.
1:07
Speaker 1: What Fellowship has lights to do with dark I would
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Speaker 1: wrongly interpret that there's nothing I can learn from you.
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Speaker 1: If you don't serve the same God that I serve,
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Speaker 1: you can learn from anyone and everyone, and you can
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Speaker 1: become wiser than those teachers.
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Speaker 3: Hey guys, if you're watching this now, that means you
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Speaker 3: have here is for intelligent conversations, and this is exactly
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Speaker 3: where you want to be. We have conversations that will
1:42
Speaker 3: get you at the edge of your seat, and this
1:44
Speaker 3: particular one is one you don't want to miss. I
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Speaker 3: have a very honest request from you as we start
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Speaker 3: this conversation. I like for you to like this broadcast
1:54
Speaker 3: that helps us to get this to as many people
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Speaker 3: as possible. You know, we can walk to get a
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Speaker 3: getting intelligent conversations to people all over the world. And
2:03
Speaker 3: I like you to drop your comment, let us know
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Speaker 3: you feel, let's know how this has impacted you. And
2:08
Speaker 3: one thing you want to do also is to subscribe
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Speaker 3: to this YouTube channel, as this will notify you whenever
2:14
Speaker 3: I we're bringing up videos, podcasts or any other kind
2:17
Speaker 3: of video that can be a blessing to you. Have.
2:20
Speaker 3: I look forward to having you again and again on
2:23
Speaker 3: this show. Thank you so much so There's a pattern
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Speaker 3: I've seen in the sense that while most people, particularly women, women,
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Speaker 3: share amazing success stories, it's beautiful to see to hear,
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Speaker 3: but sometimes there is still the contemplation that maybe this
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Speaker 3: woman only have this story because she has not been
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Speaker 3: through what I've been through. She's not sour vid daughters
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Speaker 3: of and maybe I have a different table to deal with.
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Speaker 3: And so these are just privileged people. I love the
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Speaker 3: fact that you're a successful person. Don't well for yourself.
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Speaker 3: What have you had to survived from? Have you had
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Speaker 3: to survive pain, difficult situations. Let's start from that, then
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Speaker 3: we go to your success.
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Speaker 1: My life has been filled with pain. I was five
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Speaker 1: years old when my family went to the United States,
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Speaker 1: and we went not by choice. My father was a
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Speaker 1: politician at the time of a military coup that happened
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Speaker 1: in the early eighties, so not by choice. We are
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Speaker 1: this immigrant family living in California in a majority Hispanic community,
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Speaker 1: hispan X, Blacks, a few Asians and whites, and we
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Speaker 1: don't really speak great English.
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Speaker 3: At the time.
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Speaker 1: I'm now coming into Elmmentary School. All I have is
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Speaker 1: my mother tongue. We're being ridiculed those gha So my
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Speaker 1: family is from the Volta region of Ghana, so my
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Speaker 1: father was gone. My mother is from Have and my
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Speaker 1: father was from Northern Volta and not Kita. My father
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Speaker 1: was from in Quanta, which is northern Volta. It's recently
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Speaker 1: been renamed. I did not know that about you, I see. So, yeah,
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Speaker 1: we ended up as this immigrant family living in the US.
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Speaker 1: And in addition to being teased for being Africans speak
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Speaker 1: English with strange accents. Our English wasn't great, our food
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Speaker 1: was different, our dress are you know? We were hustling,
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Speaker 1: We were not economically prosperous at the time. And then
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Speaker 1: in addition to being teased for being African, I was
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Speaker 1: also teased because the young kids thought that I sound
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Speaker 1: like a boy. I've always had a very deep voice,
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Speaker 1: and so I was just feeling like the other teased
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Speaker 1: for having African roots, teased for having a deep voice.
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Speaker 1: Even if I knew the answer to a question in class,
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Speaker 1: I wouldn't dare raise my hand because people would start
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Speaker 1: snickering and laughing and teasing. And I really know what
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Speaker 1: it's like to just feel like you don't fit in
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Speaker 1: wo And I supposed that also with the joy of
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Speaker 1: returning to Ghana, as a teenager. You know, by nineteen
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Speaker 1: ninety two, Ghana had its constitution in place. By nineteen
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Speaker 1: ninety three, my father was on a plane to check
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Speaker 1: it out to see if it's safe enough. By nineteen
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Speaker 1: ninety six, we're all on a plane coming back to
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Speaker 1: Ghana and I'm feeling excited. Finally I'm coming back to
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Speaker 1: a place that will accept me. And I was rudely
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Speaker 1: awakened as well, because I'm also you know, it's isolating,
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Speaker 1: and a lot of people who've lived abroad for significant
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Speaker 1: portions of their life have that dual trauma of in
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Speaker 1: the foreign land and you don't quite fit in there,
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Speaker 1: but you also come home and you don't quite fit
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Speaker 1: at what should be home as well. And I don't
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Speaker 1: think it's it's something to be underestimated, the trauma and
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Speaker 1: how that can play with you, especially in the teen years.
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Speaker 1: So there's a lot of data that talks about for
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Speaker 1: a lot of young girls, they face a confidence gap
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Speaker 1: in the teen years. During puberty, they may be boisterous, excited,
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Speaker 1: you know, very intelligent and all of that, but studies
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Speaker 1: show that often there's this sharp decline that happens around puberty.
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Speaker 1: And I think for me. It was exacerbated by this
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Speaker 1: kind of cultural realities and the teasing and the mockery,
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Speaker 1: and it took me a long time to really accept myself.
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Speaker 1: I think my parents helped deeply with that. My father,
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Speaker 1: there's this quick story. He said, how do you announce
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Speaker 1: at school that you're there? You know, they take the
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Speaker 1: attendance or the role call. I said, well, I raise
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Speaker 1: my hand and say present. He said, yes, you use
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Speaker 1: your voice, so don't let people steal your voice. Your
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Speaker 1: voice is your power. That helped me deeply so. And
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Speaker 1: then my mother rooted us in prayer. You know, some
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Speaker 1: of my fondest memories were of her walking through the
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Speaker 1: house speaking in our native tongue Ea or her native
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Speaker 1: tongue which became our mother tongue Ewa, like pray. She
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Speaker 1: calls us by name, praying for us, like God, let
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Speaker 1: my children be great. And I think that helped me
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Speaker 1: kind of navigate it a bit. So in my childhood
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Speaker 1: I would say that that was part of the trauma,
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Speaker 1: But in my adulthood, I think there's been no bigger
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Speaker 1: trauma that I've been enduring than being the parent special
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Speaker 1: needs child. We were blessed with our son Derek in
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Speaker 1: twenty seventeen, and he was born a little early but
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Speaker 1: very unwell. It took about two months for the doctors
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Speaker 1: to really even understand what was happening with him. It
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Speaker 1: turned out the diagnosis was genetic, that he is one
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Speaker 1: of fifteen million, like one in every.
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Speaker 3: Fifteen million verse. They see this.
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Speaker 1: Rare genetic sequencing and it's incurable. There's no known cure,
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Speaker 1: there's no known and so we've been troubleshooting his life
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Speaker 1: the past eight years, just believing God to sustain him,
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Speaker 1: but also trying to respond to whatever presents and to
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Speaker 1: be a career person, someone who's ambitious. And you know,
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Speaker 1: I work in the space of leadership and I've had
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Speaker 1: to practice what I preach about, elevating beyond what you
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Speaker 1: think and feel, being able to differentiate what is real
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Speaker 1: and what is imagined, and being able to make a
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Speaker 1: plan because you know, they are all sorts of different
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Speaker 1: leadership theories that I love learning, but there's one called
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Speaker 1: adaptive leadership, and in that theory, it really talks about losses,
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Speaker 1: like every decision will come with losses and you've got
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Speaker 1: to calculate them. I never imagined that I'd be pushing
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Speaker 1: my child in a wheelchair. Never imagine that he'd be
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Speaker 1: eight years old and unable to speak to me. Never
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Speaker 1: imagine that he'd be unable to live without constant care.
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Speaker 1: And stuff like that plays a number on you. It
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Speaker 1: plays a number on your core relationships, your marriage, your children,
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Speaker 1: your other children that are healthy. I mean, this is
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Speaker 1: the kind of thing that h to you on multiple levels,
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Speaker 1: and especially if you are, you know, a person of faith,
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Speaker 1: it shakes what you believe.
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Speaker 3: Said.
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Speaker 1: His name is Derek, His name is Derek, is your
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Speaker 1: last child. He is my middle child. I'm a mother
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Speaker 1: of three.
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Speaker 3: After having there again seen the condition, Derek, did you
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Speaker 3: get scared of Absolutely?
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Speaker 1: I was terrified. My husband is a prince among men.
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Speaker 1: He has been just an incredible support, but he knew
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Speaker 1: I we talked. I am terrified. You know that the
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Speaker 1: thought is do I produce defective children? You know, are
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Speaker 1: firstborn is healthy and well, and she's you know, a
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Speaker 1: ball of fire and wonderful. And you know, I felt
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Speaker 1: confident in that pregnancy that it all was well, and
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Speaker 1: but it ended up turning in a direction I didn't foresee.
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Speaker 1: And it's life, like many of us probably are at
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Speaker 1: places we didn't expect to be. But part of what
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Speaker 1: I think good mentorship training does for you is it
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Speaker 1: gives you tools to deal with what comes up with life.
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Speaker 1: I don't expect perfection from life anymore. And I know
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Speaker 1: a lot of us grew up in religious communities that
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Speaker 1: kind of make us expect that. Yeah, like because I
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Speaker 1: gave my life to Christ, for example, Yeah, no evil
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Speaker 1: shall befall me, no bad things will happen to me.
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Speaker 1: But we're also promised that in this world you're going
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Speaker 1: to have some trial and tribulation. And you know, it's
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Speaker 1: taken me a while to get to this point, but
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Speaker 1: I share it as just kind of contextual that maybe
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Speaker 1: for me it's dealing with my exotic personality being you know,
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Speaker 1: Ghanian with American influences, and being the parent of a
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Speaker 1: special needs child. These are the quote unquote crosses you pair.
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Speaker 1: But I feel very convinced that there are habits, there
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Speaker 1: are patterns and principles, There are tools that we can
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Speaker 1: deploy to help us deal with what comes up in life.
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Speaker 3: Now, one of the things I've learned is that no
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Speaker 3: pain is a waste in the sense that in the
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Speaker 3: midst of that painful situation, there are things that in
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Speaker 3: fact that happened to me today. I was just thinking
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Speaker 3: about some of the most painful experiences I've had, even
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Speaker 3: some of them in the recent times. Maybe some people
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Speaker 3: misconstrued in some things I've said, and I'm like, oh God.
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Speaker 3: And then today I looked at the version of me
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Speaker 3: that has shipped, have become wiser, more careful. You know,
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Speaker 3: there's a sense of your speak certain things, and the
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Speaker 3: sense of innoceense about the way life works. I'm like, Okay,
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Speaker 3: I feel I'm better now. Do you feel that having
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Speaker 3: to go through that, now you have to demonstrat this
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Speaker 3: sort of leadership in your house? Do you feel that
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Speaker 3: shipped you in respect to you becoming a better leader?
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Speaker 3: I'm being compassionate those those who are not muching up
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Speaker 3: on time. Oh absolutely.
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Speaker 1: I think being a multi cultural African makes me very
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Speaker 1: good at reading between cultural lines. I'm able to pick
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Speaker 1: up cues that others would ordinarily miss. I'm also able
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Speaker 1: to maybe see through the layers that others would also miss.
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Speaker 1: I think also parenting a special needs child refined my
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Speaker 1: character in three distinct ways. I would say Number one,
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Speaker 1: I've never had to believe God for breath before my
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Speaker 1: son was not projected to live beyond a week or two.
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Speaker 1: So every day I would hold my baby and say, Father,
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Speaker 1: in the name of Jesus, I speak life into this
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Speaker 1: young man. And I was I had to appropriate my
14:10
Speaker 1: faith in new ways. And I really became crazy in
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Speaker 1: my protectiveness of him, because medical science said one thing,
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Speaker 1: but my gut intuition was telling me another. And I
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Speaker 1: was accused of being postpartum depressed, not sound of mine
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Speaker 1: to make decisions for him. I was accused of not understanding.
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Speaker 1: So like the hospital administration would come regularly, do we
14:43
Speaker 1: need to get you an interpreter to speak to you
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Speaker 1: and your mother tongue, I'm like, look, I am college educated.
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Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. I've read the paperwork. I
14:51
Speaker 1: know I understand it. But you do what you know
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Speaker 1: to do, and I will do what I know to do.
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Speaker 1: And it took me to a deeper place in my faith,
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Speaker 1: like it went beyond Man of God, Woman of God,
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Speaker 1: Come pray for me to let me search in this
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Speaker 1: world and see what tool I can deploy in this situation.
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Speaker 3: So you're a person of faith, I'm a person of faith,
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Speaker 3: a Christian. I'm a Christian. You've served God for most
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Speaker 3: part of your life. Is that part of what was
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Speaker 3: that part of you that felt that that's you do
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Speaker 3: happen to someone like you? Yes, I want your answer
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Speaker 3: to that now.
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Speaker 1: The first maybe three months, I was a mess emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.
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Speaker 1: I was in denial. It can never happen tougha quite
15:48
Speaker 1: as we say, and my prayer life was more take
15:56
Speaker 1: I come against anything and everything that's come against this situation.
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Speaker 3: I was binding and loosing.
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Speaker 1: I was declaring, calling the things that be not as
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Speaker 1: though they were, and I was scared. The truth is
16:16
Speaker 1: that a lot of us, when we face trials and
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Speaker 1: issues and crisis, you know, we do go through these stages.
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Speaker 1: And you know, science talks about the stages of grief,
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Speaker 1: the first couple of stages of denial and then you
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Speaker 1: go through this arc before you get to a place
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Speaker 1: of acceptance. And it took me, you know, months of
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Speaker 1: like hold up, let me just calm down. I started
16:42
Speaker 1: recording I want to tell you who you are. I
16:46
Speaker 1: would speaking to my son as if he was hearing me,
16:50
Speaker 1: because I felt he was, and I was saying, this
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Speaker 1: is your mother, this is my voice. I am scared.
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Speaker 1: We nearly lost you today, he would go through these
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Speaker 1: bounts of situations where he would lose breath. So I
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Speaker 1: watch my son, sometimes ten or twelve times a day,
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Speaker 1: quote unquote, die, lose color in his face, his lips
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Speaker 1: start to turn black and blue, and they would have
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Speaker 1: to come and resuscitate him with equipment. And I would say, Lord,
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Speaker 1: there's this witness inside of me that there was no
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Speaker 1: man or woman of God.
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Speaker 3: That told me that he would live or.
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Speaker 1: Would But like, there's just this knowing that I had
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Speaker 1: intuitively that I needed to intercede for him for life,
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Speaker 1: but I also needed to start acknowledging my own humanity
17:39
Speaker 1: in that situation. So sometimes I replayed those recordings I
17:44
Speaker 1: did for him because I said, I'm recording because I
17:48
Speaker 1: want to remember this, but I also want you to
17:51
Speaker 1: live to hear it yourself and understand it. But what
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Speaker 1: those tools did for me was there's this what they
17:59
Speaker 1: call tharsis. So there's the spiritual I was praying, scripture,
18:04
Speaker 1: I had healing scriptures on in this room. I was
18:06
Speaker 1: listening to teachings on healing. But then there's also the catharsis,
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Speaker 1: like the understanding what the science of what I was
18:13
Speaker 1: experiencing in that situation and what I needed.
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Speaker 3: What I needed.
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Speaker 1: They don't contradict. I don't think they contradict. And here's
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Speaker 1: why I think prayer is not incorrect, but it's sometimes incomplete.
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Speaker 1: In addition to your praying, are you surrounding yourself in community,
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Speaker 1: are you incorporating leisure? Are you like you are soul too,
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Speaker 1: in addition to your spirit? And I think a lot
18:51
Speaker 1: of our religious communities train us for spirit life, but
18:54
Speaker 1: not really practical life. Not And so I think a
18:59
Speaker 1: lot of us do live very imbalanced lives where we're
19:03
Speaker 1: really good at quoting the scriptures, doing the fasting, doing
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Speaker 1: the spiritual exercises, but we have no release. And I
19:10
Speaker 1: personally think that's why a lot of us get trapped
19:12
Speaker 1: in vices. But they are two ends of the same thing.
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Speaker 1: Like you are spirit, but you're also soul. Like those
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Speaker 1: first few months, I was walking in fear and trying
19:23
Speaker 1: to appropriate the spirit stuff that I knew, but I
19:27
Speaker 1: wasn't feeding my soul. I wasn't taking care of my body.
19:29
Speaker 1: I wasn't eating healthily. I wasn't, you know, watching things
19:34
Speaker 1: for leisure or being around people that took my mind
19:37
Speaker 1: off of the situation, you know what I mean. So
19:39
Speaker 1: there's prayer is not incomplete, it's not incorrect, it's sometimes
19:44
Speaker 1: just incomplete. Like God wants all of us whole, and
19:49
Speaker 1: he sees us as more than just you know, people
19:52
Speaker 1: that he's manipulating to do things. And I believe he
19:56
Speaker 1: wants us to see like our view of God needs
19:59
Speaker 1: to be and you is the fullness of what I
20:02
Speaker 1: need here. So teach me how to serve each of
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Speaker 1: these three aspects of me, this physical body. How do
20:10
Speaker 1: I maneuver it in a way that brings me the
20:13
Speaker 1: optimum output? How can I be effective as a wife
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Speaker 1: to my husband, as a mother to my other kids
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Speaker 1: that don't have this crisis? How do I and certain
20:23
Speaker 1: things opened up to me that couldn't opened up to
20:25
Speaker 1: me when I was only appropriating the spirit, realm tools.
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Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
20:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that that's part of how my
20:35
Speaker 1: character became refined. I think in that situation, I learn
20:42
Speaker 1: how to separate soul from spirit. I learned how to
20:47
Speaker 1: rightly divide the word of truth as the scriptures say.
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Speaker 3: I learned how to.
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Speaker 1: You know, come to the end of myself and not
20:59
Speaker 1: take on more than I was designed to bear.
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Speaker 3: As we speak.
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Speaker 1: Yea, my son is still carrying this diagnosis. He still
21:08
Speaker 1: lives with a lot of impairment. But I'm focused on
21:14
Speaker 1: you know, in every crisis.
21:17
Speaker 3: There will be losses.
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Speaker 1: What are the trade offs that I have to make
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Speaker 1: in this situation to continue to have my career, to
21:24
Speaker 1: continue to provide for my other two kids, to continue
21:27
Speaker 1: to be a partner to my spouse. How do I
21:31
Speaker 1: not let this experience define me? Because I don't want it.
21:35
Speaker 1: If there's ever going to be another Bible written, I
21:37
Speaker 1: don't want to be like you know, we don't know
21:39
Speaker 1: the name of the woman with the issue of blood.
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Speaker 1: We know her just identified by her issue. I don't
21:43
Speaker 1: want that for myself, and I dare say I don't
21:46
Speaker 1: think God wants that for any of us. So I'm
21:50
Speaker 1: determined to not allow crises or the traumas that I've
21:55
Speaker 1: gone through to define me. But I'm seeking constant, distantly tools,
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Speaker 1: resources and pathways of understanding to be a well rounded,
22:09
Speaker 1: whole person that can contribute beyond my pains. So, for example,
22:16
Speaker 1: you know, I don't engage in conversation a lot about
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Speaker 1: my son. So you have pricked me. You have pricked
22:24
Speaker 1: me for me with just everybody, because I don't want
22:30
Speaker 1: that to be the defining thing about my life. Like
22:33
Speaker 1: I'm a strategist, I'm a you know, coach. I work
22:37
Speaker 1: with people to solve problems. I carry much more than
22:41
Speaker 1: just the pain of a mother of a special needs child.
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Speaker 1: And I think that that's a perspective that I really
22:48
Speaker 1: encourage anyone who's going through their own version of this.
22:51
Speaker 1: You know, for me, it's my special needs child or
22:54
Speaker 1: whatever your version of that is. You know, can you
22:58
Speaker 1: see the bigger picture maybe and say, you know what
23:02
Speaker 1: am I missing in this situation? Yes, this is not
23:07
Speaker 1: an ideal circumstance, But what other cards do I have
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Speaker 1: to play?
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Speaker 3: Yeah? You know, the next question that comes to my
23:17
Speaker 3: man talking about maximizing that kind of situation, is that
23:20
Speaker 3: what kind of leader are you now? That I probably
23:23
Speaker 3: would not have been bought for this experience.
23:27
Speaker 1: I think I've always loved books, always just really voracious
23:32
Speaker 1: as a reader. I tend to be very cerebral, love
23:35
Speaker 1: to think about things. I think that when you haven't
23:41
Speaker 1: suffered certain pains, you can be so self absorbed, you
23:47
Speaker 1: can be so and not that I don't think I
23:50
Speaker 1: was a pain to people. But I do think, you know,
23:54
Speaker 1: looking back, I can see how I might have been
23:57
Speaker 1: like a know it all, you have an answer for everything,
24:02
Speaker 1: and maybe even a bit self righteous. There's a it's
24:06
Speaker 1: very American, but they say, goodie two shoes, someone who's
24:09
Speaker 1: always like you know, And I think my life's experiences
24:14
Speaker 1: have made me a very tolerant person. I don't not
24:18
Speaker 1: that I no longer have high standards, but I am
24:22
Speaker 1: not falling apart when things don't work out, like that
24:27
Speaker 1: didn't happen the way I wanted it. Yeah, how do
24:31
Speaker 1: we salvage or how do we change directions? I'm much
24:34
Speaker 1: more quick to change direction, much more quick to reroute,
24:37
Speaker 1: much more quick to give myself grace, to say, yeah,
24:42
Speaker 1: I made a mistake, but I am not a mistake.
24:44
Speaker 1: I think I was very you know, prone to catastrophizing
24:50
Speaker 1: because I read it this is A plus B and
24:53
Speaker 1: C plus that, and this is the formula. Why didn't
24:55
Speaker 1: it work? And if it didn't work, I would catastrophize.
24:58
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us those patterns if
25:00
Speaker 1: we're not careful, especially if you are accustomed to other
25:04
Speaker 1: people making decisions for you. I think you know, a
25:08
Speaker 1: function of being a woman growing up in Africa and
25:11
Speaker 1: then in the US. Like oftentimes, we're very used to
25:14
Speaker 1: relegating our thinking to other people, and I think I
25:18
Speaker 1: became very good at like I want to search things out,
25:23
Speaker 1: I want to understand, and I want to, you know,
25:28
Speaker 1: come to my own conclusions. But I think it made
25:32
Speaker 1: me less consultative than perhaps I could have been. Wow,
25:35
Speaker 1: it made me less synergistic. And I think now I
25:41
Speaker 1: want to talk to people. I want to meet people.
25:43
Speaker 1: I want to shorten the distance. I want mentors. I
25:46
Speaker 1: will hire coaches. I will if I don't know something,
25:49
Speaker 1: I'm less likely now to go find a book. I'll
25:53
Speaker 1: go find a person. How did you come to know this?
25:57
Speaker 1: Steer me in the direction of how you came to
25:59
Speaker 1: have this outcome, because this is the outcome I want.
26:02
Speaker 1: So I think that there's a balance because there's knowledge
26:06
Speaker 1: that you get from books, knowledge that you get through
26:08
Speaker 1: lived experience, but also knowledge that you get through conversation,
26:12
Speaker 1: which is why I love what you're doing with this platform.
26:15
Speaker 1: Like some of the conversations I've listened to that you've
26:17
Speaker 1: had and being the provocative questioner that you are, it's
26:22
Speaker 1: been enlightening and so when we as people of faith,
26:28
Speaker 1: you know, talk about the eyes of art understanding being enlightened.
26:32
Speaker 1: I don't think it's only by scripture. I think it's
26:35
Speaker 1: my conversation, conversation, by being in the environment of people
26:38
Speaker 1: who have what you want, who have walked the path
26:42
Speaker 1: that you're walking on and can help short circuit. And
26:46
Speaker 1: I think that that's part of how I've changed. I've
26:49
Speaker 1: shifted from kind of a bookworm and a conversation to
26:54
Speaker 1: a conversationalist and more of a an open minded person
27:00
Speaker 1: because I've suffered.
27:03
Speaker 3: Wow, I failed. Wow. When I worked in yesterday and
27:10
Speaker 3: I saw those of you are speakers at that meeting,
27:15
Speaker 3: something happened. What happened when I exchange pleasantries with everyone,
27:22
Speaker 3: the way manner you exchange pleasantry was different. So I
27:27
Speaker 3: thought to myself, this woman understands presence, and then she
27:32
Speaker 3: understands power. And I thought to myself, maybe that's just
27:35
Speaker 3: a mar coincidence. Then the same upon this morning, then
27:39
Speaker 3: this evening. You seem to understand what your presence should
27:45
Speaker 3: look like when you step into your room. What's that
27:49
Speaker 3: for you? How did you get there? I it is
27:53
Speaker 3: that intentional.
27:55
Speaker 1: It is intentional, It is learned it is honed.
28:01
Speaker 3: It's been honed.
28:02
Speaker 1: Over the past several years, I've been on a journey
28:06
Speaker 1: for me to become a version of myself that I
28:11
Speaker 1: believe needs to be seen in more spaces across the continent.
28:18
Speaker 1: I think that there's so many of us that are
28:20
Speaker 1: good hearted, people have strong values, were purpose driven, but
28:28
Speaker 1: we lack a certain elevated presence that makes people want
28:33
Speaker 1: to take us seriously. So again, the book I'm most
28:39
Speaker 1: intimately knowledgeable about is the Bible, and I remember reading
28:43
Speaker 1: this passage that wrecked me that said a city was
28:49
Speaker 1: delivered by the wisdom of this poor person, and at
28:53
Speaker 1: the end of the day nothing was done for him.
28:56
Speaker 1: And you know, it said something and of course I'm paraphrased,
29:00
Speaker 1: the wisdom of the poor is not recognized. So for
29:05
Speaker 1: nearly twenty years, I've been praying that Lord, I know
29:08
Speaker 1: what my investment has been. But like, there are people
29:13
Speaker 1: who know more than me who aren't progressing, and I
29:16
Speaker 1: don't want that to be my story. So I became
29:19
Speaker 1: very hungry for knowledge on how to present what I
29:24
Speaker 1: have with excellence and to learn the behaviors because mind you, Femi,
29:30
Speaker 1: I grew up among African Americans who speak English a
29:33
Speaker 1: certain way, who have certain aggressive behavior patterns, that have
29:37
Speaker 1: things that I have to shed and unlearn in order
29:40
Speaker 1: to become a more refined, better regulated version of myself.
29:44
Speaker 3: So the version of usc It did not just happen.
29:48
Speaker 3: I've been coached.
29:49
Speaker 1: I've invested obscene amounts of money to learn from people
29:54
Speaker 1: who know more than me about these spaces. I've been praying,
29:58
Speaker 1: so I've been fighting virtually but also practically. That's that's
30:02
Speaker 1: my life's mission here. How do we marry host to
30:05
Speaker 1: that God? I receive your favor, I receive the blessing,
30:08
Speaker 1: But now what is the practical thing I have to do?
30:12
Speaker 1: So I invest a lot in coaching. I've worked with
30:15
Speaker 1: executive coaches over the years. I've worked with image coaches,
30:19
Speaker 1: helping me to figure out what works well for who
30:23
Speaker 1: I am to embody this leader that I aspire to be.
30:29
Speaker 1: I've been working to hone my communication. I've paid obscene
30:34
Speaker 1: amounts of money to hone my voice because remember that
30:38
Speaker 1: was the area I was most shameful about growing up.
30:41
Speaker 1: I felt like everyone was judging.
30:43
Speaker 3: Me me amount of money to have your voice as voiceover.
30:47
Speaker 1: But this isn't what it sounded like before. My voice
30:50
Speaker 1: used to be very raspy, very Sometimes I listen to
30:54
Speaker 1: old recordings and I hear it myself what other people
30:58
Speaker 1: were hearing. I've learned how to hone this voice better.
31:02
Speaker 1: I've worked with voice coaches. I've learned. My most recent
31:04
Speaker 1: coaching was with the She's an operatic singer. She taught
31:08
Speaker 1: me how to breathe differently so that I can project
31:11
Speaker 1: this voice so it doesn't sound as much base as
31:14
Speaker 1: it used to. So I've been on a journey. I
31:18
Speaker 1: joined Toastmasters. At the beginning, I would stand in my
31:21
Speaker 1: mirror for hours, just practicing because I was hungry. And
31:26
Speaker 1: if I can, you know, admit, I didn't know that
31:29
Speaker 1: newscasters were reading at first, so I would take long
31:32
Speaker 1: pieces of text and I would memorize it and just
31:35
Speaker 1: stand and you know, I didn't know they were reading,
31:37
Speaker 1: so I would I got good at reading fast. I
31:40
Speaker 1: got good at like reading and synthesizing knowledge because I said,
31:44
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like these other people who
31:45
Speaker 1: were falling apart when they're called upon to speak. So
31:49
Speaker 1: some of it was just my own effort. But then
31:52
Speaker 1: when I started making money, I started hiring people who
31:55
Speaker 1: were excellent. So I've worked with some really fantastic speech coaches.
32:00
Speaker 1: I've worked with people who've helped me hone the sound
32:02
Speaker 1: of my voice so that it doesn't sound as you know.
32:05
Speaker 1: Although I still get calls on the phone and people
32:09
Speaker 1: say yes sir because they assume they're talking to a man.
32:12
Speaker 1: It still happens, but not as much. And I feel,
32:16
Speaker 1: you know, when I listen to myself today, I see
32:18
Speaker 1: the journey. I see the journey I've been on. And
32:20
Speaker 1: then I went to Protocol School of Washington in twenty
32:23
Speaker 1: thirteen to learn how do you eat formal dining?
32:27
Speaker 3: For what is a good handshake is? How do you
32:32
Speaker 3: how do you.
32:33
Speaker 1: Handle yourself when you're in searching rooms? How do you
32:36
Speaker 1: when you meet someone of power interact? A lot of
32:39
Speaker 1: us as young people, the first thing is let me
32:41
Speaker 1: get the selfie, let me get your card. But your
32:44
Speaker 1: first question should be what value can I create for you?
32:47
Speaker 1: What common ground do we have? What connection do we
32:50
Speaker 1: already have that I can continue? And then when someone
32:54
Speaker 1: is out of your rank or status, you don't actually
32:57
Speaker 1: even ask for their card, You ask if you want
32:59
Speaker 1: to continue with whom in your office?
33:01
Speaker 3: May I follow up with so those.
33:03
Speaker 1: Understandings don't come through revelation. Mostly they come through learning
33:10
Speaker 1: directly from others or being taught the way of the palace.
33:15
Speaker 1: So a lot of us have like good looks or
33:18
Speaker 1: we've got street smarts. If you elevate it with this
33:22
Speaker 1: body of knowledge, it makes you acceptable in spaces where
33:26
Speaker 1: you ordinarily wouldn't be. I've been in state houses, I've
33:29
Speaker 1: been to the White House. I've been to spaces where
33:32
Speaker 1: little me, who was shy and unsure and depressed about
33:38
Speaker 1: how people were talking about her voice, kind of looks
33:41
Speaker 1: back at these photos now and is like, Wow, this
33:44
Speaker 1: is how far I've come. But it's also I took
33:48
Speaker 1: on a different identity that for me was rooted in
33:51
Speaker 1: like I think this is who God says I am.
33:54
Speaker 1: But then I buttressed that with a lot of hard work,
33:57
Speaker 1: which meant that for a long time I went without
34:00
Speaker 1: a lot of things. I wasn't investing in entertainment as
34:05
Speaker 1: much as my friends were. So I think it's worth
34:08
Speaker 1: saying for me that for a lot of people, the
34:11
Speaker 1: journey to the version of themselves that they're aspiring for
34:14
Speaker 1: will cost them some relationships and friendships. A lot of
34:18
Speaker 1: friends were like why are you bothered about this stuff?
34:22
Speaker 1: Why are you trying to, oh, you know, be like us?
34:25
Speaker 1: And I was like, I feel like I am meant
34:29
Speaker 1: for different space than you, so don't judge me. And
34:33
Speaker 1: now I get to coach some of these friends. Some
34:35
Speaker 1: of these friends are now at certain points in their career.
34:38
Speaker 1: They've hit a ceiling to how far they can go.
34:42
Speaker 1: I paid attention to things that if they had paid
34:45
Speaker 1: attention to them, they would not be obstructed. There are
34:48
Speaker 1: a lot of people that I coach their next level
34:52
Speaker 1: is a front facing role and their company is bringing
34:55
Speaker 1: an excuse after excuse about why they shouldn't be promoted,
35:00
Speaker 1: and they are at prayer meetings binding, which is declaring.
35:07
Speaker 1: But it's not a spiritual problem. It's a skills gap, exactly.
35:12
Speaker 3: What I was going to talk about, because there are
35:14
Speaker 3: people who are busy fast in the brain, but if
35:16
Speaker 3: they would only learn more, they would not have to
35:20
Speaker 3: do that to solve that particular problem.
35:22
Speaker 1: I agree that a lot of us are over indexing
35:26
Speaker 1: on the spiritual to the detriment of the practical. I think, Femi,
35:34
Speaker 1: in all honesty, I did that in the early stages
35:37
Speaker 1: of my career. This boss doesn't like me. Father, in
35:40
Speaker 1: the name of Jesus, let her be changed, Let her
35:43
Speaker 1: be changed. It was a skills gap. She didn't like
35:46
Speaker 1: me because I wasn't performing to the standard of expectation.
35:49
Speaker 1: People who are demanding excellence from me shouldn't be a
35:52
Speaker 1: prayer point. I should actually be covering them that Father,
35:55
Speaker 1: I thank you for this person who is stretching me
35:58
Speaker 1: beyond my current capacity. I thank you for these people
36:01
Speaker 1: who are calling me out on bad behavior. So I
36:04
Speaker 1: think when I fast and pray, now it's God, help
36:08
Speaker 1: me be sensitive to my blind spots. Introduce me to
36:11
Speaker 1: the new voices you that I need to be hearing
36:14
Speaker 1: in this season. And many of them aren't even Christian voices.
36:19
Speaker 1: Some of them are just at the pinnacle of their career.
36:21
Speaker 1: And it's like, this is a person I need to
36:24
Speaker 1: learn and grow from. So I've got this mentor. She's
36:27
Speaker 1: based in Kenya, very high ranking person, and the past
36:31
Speaker 1: four years she's been an invaluable blessing. She's been incredibly valuable.
36:35
Speaker 3: She's a Muslim. Old me, you don't believe.
36:39
Speaker 1: What I believe. I will wrongly interpret scripture. What fellowship
36:44
Speaker 1: has lights to do with dark I would wrongly interpret
36:48
Speaker 1: that there's nothing I can learn from you if you
36:50
Speaker 1: don't serve the same God that I serve. And I
36:53
Speaker 1: think part of what my growth has been is that
36:56
Speaker 1: God's helped me to see that there's even creation is
37:00
Speaker 1: speaking like you can learn from anyone and everyone, and
37:06
Speaker 1: you can become wiser than those teachers. And I see
37:09
Speaker 1: that happening in different dimensions of my life that I
37:12
Speaker 1: feel like I get connected to someone and there's some
37:16
Speaker 1: light from them that's shining on a weakness or deficiency
37:20
Speaker 1: that I had, and I thank God for that. I
37:24
Speaker 1: humble myself to learn from them, and then I try
37:27
Speaker 1: to put my own spin on it, to mold the
37:30
Speaker 1: version of me that can carry it in the way
37:33
Speaker 1: that I should. So I think that if we were
37:37
Speaker 1: a little more open minded, that there is knowledge that
37:42
Speaker 1: exists outside of our religious communities, outside of our home.
37:47
Speaker 1: Because I got real bad indoctrination at home about money,
37:52
Speaker 1: I've had to I'm working with a business coach now
37:54
Speaker 1: to help me unlearn some of what I learned. My
37:57
Speaker 1: parents were loving, they gave us opportunity, but they entrenched
38:01
Speaker 1: a small thinking in us that I see showing up
38:04
Speaker 1: in how I run business and so instead of sitting there,
38:07
Speaker 1: binding and loosing, I had to find who was working
38:12
Speaker 1: in my space with great success and humble myself to
38:15
Speaker 1: pay the money and learn from them.
38:18
Speaker 3: What's what's the I used amount of money you've ever
38:21
Speaker 3: paid for learnin to Lenny.
38:25
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to announce that publicly,
38:28
Speaker 1: but I've paid thousands of dollars to the coach I'm
38:32
Speaker 1: working with now, thousands of pounds to other executive coaches.
38:37
Speaker 1: I've had coaches in the UK, in the US, in Ghana.
38:41
Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't matter where you are. So my
38:43
Speaker 1: prayer points is, Lord, show me whose voice is for
38:46
Speaker 1: the season, and I want to find a way to
38:48
Speaker 1: be connected to Some of the.
38:49
Speaker 3: Money you spent is intents of thousands of dollars. Sometimes
38:52
Speaker 3: it is it is. There's there's this principle that if
38:55
Speaker 3: you if someone be a coach or a trainer, even
38:59
Speaker 3: if paid set in a month for twina, you don't
39:01
Speaker 3: have the authority to charge social amounts in the sense
39:06
Speaker 3: of more authority.
39:08
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of validity to that. I
39:11
Speaker 1: think if you haven't broken a certain financial hurdle in
39:16
Speaker 1: your own life, it's really hard to have the confidence
39:19
Speaker 1: to ask someone to invest.
39:20
Speaker 3: That with you.
39:22
Speaker 1: And I work with coaches and a lot of them
39:25
Speaker 1: that's the pain point. They want people to pay them
39:28
Speaker 1: big money. But I said, oh, so who's coaching you? Like, personally,
39:32
Speaker 1: I don't trust a coach who's not being coached. True,
39:35
Speaker 1: So who's coaching you? What did you pay them? And
39:38
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, nobody's coaching me. Oh you know,
39:40
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like, what, you have no outlet for this work.
39:44
Speaker 1: You need an outlet. You need accountability, You need people
39:48
Speaker 1: to look over your shoulder and talk things through with,
39:52
Speaker 1: especially when you're confused about a thing. So I found
39:56
Speaker 1: it incredibly helpful to bite the bullet, as they say,
40:02
Speaker 1: and say, look, this is what it costs. This is
40:03
Speaker 1: what it costs, you know, a fitness coach. This is
40:07
Speaker 1: what it costs because this is the kind of body
40:10
Speaker 1: I'm trying to have, So this is what it costs.
40:12
Speaker 1: And I think it's that mindset of you know, I
40:17
Speaker 1: know this is my next level. It's tied to me
40:21
Speaker 1: becoming who I want to become, so I will pay
40:25
Speaker 1: the price. And I think that that's what the spiritual
40:28
Speaker 1: principle is. It's counting the cost you know, like, if
40:32
Speaker 1: you're trying to build an incredible life, you make a
40:37
Speaker 1: big mistake if you think you can do it alone.
40:40
Speaker 1: You can't be your best self by yourself. Everyone needs
40:44
Speaker 1: mentors and coaches, Everyone needs someone else to tell them
40:49
Speaker 1: if they're doing it right. We need the feedback loop.
40:52
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us are isolated. And
40:55
Speaker 1: I spent early stages of my career thinking church was
40:59
Speaker 1: it everything for my career. I wanted the pastor to
41:02
Speaker 1: tell me. I wanted the woman's fellowship leader to tell me.
41:07
Speaker 1: I wanted and you know, there's so much blessing that's
41:11
Speaker 1: come to me by being in community in church, But
41:15
Speaker 1: I was depriving myself of other sources of intelligence that
41:21
Speaker 1: have guided my life and made me a lot more
41:26
Speaker 1: fruitful than I think I was before. Because now I'm
41:30
Speaker 1: not limited. I feel like, who's the best person you
41:33
Speaker 1: know who can do this? And if I can't afford
41:35
Speaker 1: them yet, I will start saving. And I think the
41:38
Speaker 1: discipline to ring fence resources for your care. And that's
41:42
Speaker 1: what I meant before when I talked about you are
41:45
Speaker 1: a spirit, you are also soul, and you are also
41:49
Speaker 1: bodying who is helping you care?
41:50
Speaker 3: For your soul.
41:51
Speaker 1: I know, in religious circles we really look down on
41:56
Speaker 1: the need for psychotherapy or the need for counseling. And
42:01
Speaker 1: I've been greatly helped by talking. But I was having
42:05
Speaker 1: panic attacks at a certain point. I was anxious and
42:09
Speaker 1: my prayers weren't enough. It wasn't solving it, and so
42:13
Speaker 1: those therapy sessions were invaluable to me. But often a
42:17
Speaker 1: people of certain faiths will make you feel inferior for
42:20
Speaker 1: needing help. But look, so you're saying that someone has
42:24
Speaker 1: a body of knowledge and how my mind works and
42:26
Speaker 1: holds a solution for how I can regulate my emotions,
42:29
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't go to them.
42:31
Speaker 3: What do you mean?
42:33
Speaker 1: So I've been very like, that's one of the limits
42:36
Speaker 1: I've broken off my own life that I'm helping to
42:39
Speaker 1: break in the lives of other coaches, other people that
42:42
Speaker 1: i'm coaching. Because you know, there's a CEO the big
42:47
Speaker 1: telecom company that I have coaching conversations with, and you know,
42:51
Speaker 1: he's gone through divorce, he's managing his kids, and he's
42:54
Speaker 1: got a top job and all of that. And you know,
42:57
Speaker 1: I was like, look, I've been guilty as many as
43:01
Speaker 1: he has been of like just being all about work.
43:05
Speaker 1: That workaholism. I know that life. I know that life,
43:09
Speaker 1: but hobbies, planning your leisure, having fun, having you know,
43:15
Speaker 1: I do adult coloring books. Now It's like one of
43:18
Speaker 1: my forms of like calm before I go to bed. Wow,
43:22
Speaker 1: I've learned strategies to help me regulate myself so that
43:26
Speaker 1: I'm not a pain, because honestly, some of us are
43:30
Speaker 1: burdening our marriages with stuff that are spouse isn't equipped
43:33
Speaker 1: to help us handle. Some of us are burdening friendships.
43:37
Speaker 1: People see your phone ringing and they're like, oh, I'm busy.
43:42
Speaker 1: They started avoiding you because every conversation with you right
43:45
Speaker 1: now is miserable because you're in pain. You actually need intervention.
43:52
Speaker 1: And so I'm learning to walk in that fine balance.
43:55
Speaker 3: I have to tell you these, I have to confess these.
43:58
Speaker 3: You fo see things with you today. I've had to
44:00
Speaker 3: check you out online every possible thing I could get,
44:06
Speaker 3: And I said to myself, she's living a balanced life.
44:09
Speaker 3: I saw your pictures with your kids. I saw your pictures,
44:12
Speaker 3: so I saw that, and I think it is one
44:15
Speaker 3: of the things that we don't get to see around
44:19
Speaker 3: people are either so absorbed with work, that the work
44:23
Speaker 3: are the detriment of their mind. They're all being they
44:28
Speaker 3: make the money, but they are not so really in
44:31
Speaker 3: tune with reality. They're not so alive. You know, you
44:35
Speaker 3: can exist and not be alive, and they're not there
44:40
Speaker 3: really enjoying all those stuff. And I just want to
44:44
Speaker 3: thank you for that. And I love the way you've
44:47
Speaker 3: been able to despite the challenges, despite all those things,
44:51
Speaker 3: you've still tried to make sure you're living a very
44:54
Speaker 3: old life now talking about businesses and talking about personal
44:59
Speaker 3: leaders sheep and all that. I don't know if you
45:02
Speaker 3: have seen this start. That's seventy percent of business. That's
45:05
Speaker 3: that in this part of the world. It what is
45:08
Speaker 3: called the brick world. In the first five years mean
45:11
Speaker 3: that Joseph or thirty percent of those businesses get don't
45:13
Speaker 3: make it out of those five years, and then some
45:15
Speaker 3: of the percentage will later have to die in some
45:17
Speaker 3: of the period of time. What do you think is
45:19
Speaker 3: the number one killer of businesses organizations?
45:24
Speaker 1: I can expand I think sometimes it's the lack of
45:31
Speaker 1: sufficient vision. I think in our environment on the continent.
45:38
Speaker 1: The statistics say that the highest number of entrepreneurs exist
45:43
Speaker 1: in Africa and sometimes it's because of the lack of
45:48
Speaker 1: formal jobs that people are compelled to start a business.
45:52
Speaker 1: And so the vision for the business is something to
45:54
Speaker 1: eat today, something to pay the school fees this quarter,
45:59
Speaker 1: something to And I think that a lot of us
46:02
Speaker 1: are in this subsistence frame for our enterprises, and some
46:10
Speaker 1: of us are also poorly equipped with the skill to forecast,
46:15
Speaker 1: and so you get this bumper payment now and you
46:19
Speaker 1: live large. And so a lot of our businesses go
46:21
Speaker 1: through cycles of feast and famine, no stability. We see
46:28
Speaker 1: this in the consulting space a lot with coaches.
46:30
Speaker 3: I'm a coach.
46:31
Speaker 1: I work in that space, and so I know because
46:33
Speaker 1: I work with other coaches, we go through the cycles
46:36
Speaker 1: of feast and famine, like this month is really good,
46:39
Speaker 1: and then I don't have another gig for six months.
46:42
Speaker 1: And I think part of that is I'll do this
46:45
Speaker 1: until I find the thing. So I think that part
46:49
Speaker 1: that is partly why we're seeing those really high numbers
46:54
Speaker 1: of business failure, because it really is we're compelled into
46:59
Speaker 1: entrepren airship and a lot of it. If you look
47:02
Speaker 1: at the breakdown, it's retail, it's you know, the service
47:06
Speaker 1: sector has grown significantly over the years, for sure. But
47:09
Speaker 1: I think again, I'll do this until my uncle gets
47:13
Speaker 1: me a job at this government agency that guarantees me
47:17
Speaker 1: a monthly salary or exactly, or I'm able to travel
47:23
Speaker 1: abroad and go do something for a stronger currency that
47:27
Speaker 1: will help other people survive. So I suspect that that
47:31
Speaker 1: has a lot to do with it. I also think
47:34
Speaker 1: that there's this ursioning class of Africans that are not
47:40
Speaker 1: doing business as usual, that are really interested in building
47:46
Speaker 1: things that are sustainable. Yea, And I think we're seeing
47:51
Speaker 1: a lot of people not try to go about it alone.
47:56
Speaker 1: And I think part of it is building businesses with
47:59
Speaker 1: people who cover your weaknesses, so, you know, people being
48:05
Speaker 1: more open to partnership so that I don't have to
48:07
Speaker 1: have the steep learning curve myself. I can just be
48:11
Speaker 1: the partner who understands business development, and then bring in
48:15
Speaker 1: a partner who's the operator, and then bring in another
48:18
Speaker 1: partner who's the finance person, and then three people together
48:21
Speaker 1: working at this are able to do much more.
48:24
Speaker 3: So you believe that ownership has a part way to
48:26
Speaker 3: successes it needs.
48:28
Speaker 1: I think if it's sole ownership, it's a lot more challenging.
48:31
Speaker 1: I was reading a report the other day that talked
48:34
Speaker 1: about we are entering into an age with the help
48:39
Speaker 1: of AI where we can have one person multi billion
48:44
Speaker 1: dollar businesses, and I thought that that was very fascinating.
48:49
Speaker 1: I'm on my journey on learning AI and how to
48:51
Speaker 1: apply it to my business. But I do think, you know,
48:55
Speaker 1: I've seen so much burnout in people who take the
48:58
Speaker 1: full responsibility for busines this. I was, you know, someone
49:02
Speaker 1: who suffered burnout before as well. I was someone who
49:05
Speaker 1: was that workaholic entrepreneur doing this, going here everywhere, not
49:10
Speaker 1: paying attention to my family. So what you see online
49:13
Speaker 1: now is the redemptive version of me that has made
49:17
Speaker 1: amends to say. I want the rest of my life
49:20
Speaker 1: to be the best of my life. I want to
49:22
Speaker 1: find partners. I want to not carry the.
49:25
Speaker 3: Load a loan anymore.
49:27
Speaker 1: I want to be whole in my spirit and my
49:30
Speaker 1: body and my soul. I want to diagnose you know
49:34
Speaker 1: one of mys I do I switch off every week?
49:39
Speaker 1: I try to have a sabbath like just switch off.
49:42
Speaker 1: You know, the Jews practice that religiously, and I think
49:45
Speaker 1: that there's something about the practice of having set times
49:50
Speaker 1: where we just switch off, turn off the computers, turn off,
49:54
Speaker 1: the devices, switch off, the phone, be in a space.
49:57
Speaker 1: I try to wake up earlier than my family. I
50:00
Speaker 1: have quiet time by myself to think, to pray.
50:03
Speaker 3: To read, to exercise. I try to, you know, have
50:07
Speaker 3: a laugh.
50:08
Speaker 1: I think we can be so serious. I'm going to
50:10
Speaker 1: change the world that we become so you know, stiff faced,
50:15
Speaker 1: we lose our humanity. We don't want to laugh, We don't,
50:18
Speaker 1: you know. So I love spending time with my children.
50:21
Speaker 1: I love being around young people. I'm learning all their
50:24
Speaker 1: gen Z language because the truth is it's for them.
50:29
Speaker 1: We're supposed to be leaving this inheritance for them, get
50:32
Speaker 1: to know them, get to know what they care about.
50:34
Speaker 1: And I really feel like part of what's helping me
50:38
Speaker 1: in this moment to do more with less fatigue is
50:43
Speaker 1: because I'm not willing to do it alone anymore.
50:48
Speaker 3: You know, what you're saying is so rich. So it
50:53
Speaker 3: is those who have been through those corners now understand.
50:57
Speaker 3: I think it's taken you a lot to get here.
51:00
Speaker 3: It has what was the most important push.
51:07
Speaker 1: I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
51:14
Speaker 1: In twenty twenty two, I burnt out. I spent about
51:18
Speaker 1: two months being unable to really get out of bed.
51:23
Speaker 1: It's what my health coach at the time, because I
51:26
Speaker 1: went to the doctors, did the labs, like they couldn't
51:28
Speaker 1: diagnose me with a thing that was wrong. But I
51:32
Speaker 1: hired this health coach who I was working with, and
51:34
Speaker 1: she said she sees this in people who have lived
51:38
Speaker 1: busy lives. It's called a drenal fatigue, like you've been
51:42
Speaker 1: running on adrenaline for years and your body has shut
51:46
Speaker 1: you down. As a It's like a reboot, you know,
51:49
Speaker 1: like when you do the hard.
51:51
Speaker 3: Rebooting of a computer. That's again you got to restart.
51:54
Speaker 1: And that's when I came up with, like, I the
51:57
Speaker 1: rest of my life really needs to be the best
51:59
Speaker 1: of my life.
52:00
Speaker 3: You really enjoy yourself.
52:01
Speaker 1: I really really make time to meet people for no
52:05
Speaker 1: reason at all, to have leisure that I'm scheduling, to
52:09
Speaker 1: go to the beach just because, and to switch off
52:13
Speaker 1: and to say, you know, life will still move. There's
52:17
Speaker 1: this poem that someone sent me, and it said, if
52:21
Speaker 1: ever you're feeling so overly important, take a bucket of
52:25
Speaker 1: water and fill it. Take a bucket and fill it
52:28
Speaker 1: with water, and put your hand in it, and then
52:31
Speaker 1: pull your hand out. The size of the hole that
52:33
Speaker 1: is remaining is the size of how much you will
52:34
Speaker 1: be missed.
52:35
Speaker 3: Oh, there will be no hole. The water will cover.
52:40
Speaker 1: They will cry for a little while, and they'll move on.
52:43
Speaker 1: So it really has helped me to just be a
52:46
Speaker 1: lot more present with my spouse, be a lot more
52:49
Speaker 1: present with my children, be a lot more present with
52:52
Speaker 1: my friends, to be a lot more selective in what
52:55
Speaker 1: I say yes to, and be a lot more strategic
52:59
Speaker 1: in who and how partner so that I can get
53:02
Speaker 1: a lot more return for a lot less labor.
53:06
Speaker 3: Wow, this is the second time that since we started
53:13
Speaker 3: this podcast, I'm having a conversation that at the end
53:19
Speaker 3: of the conversation I feel all again. I've learned so
53:23
Speaker 3: much from different podcasts, but this particular podcast is wholeness,
53:29
Speaker 3: and there is such a way that when you leave
53:32
Speaker 3: minding the state of your soul. I don't know if
53:35
Speaker 3: you know, when people relate with you, they find healing.
53:40
Speaker 3: And I think that's what is happening right now. We've
53:43
Speaker 3: joined it from your pin to purpose now to your resolve,
53:47
Speaker 3: and it's so beautiful having you here. We know you
53:50
Speaker 3: have a flight to catch than you for coming to
53:53
Speaker 3: thank you for having me keep up this great work.
53:56
Speaker 3: Thank you