Latest / Like a Virgin / Venus in Gemini

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Venus in Gemini · Like a Virgin

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Should it be an episode on relationships or is that
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: too close to the sex episode? No, I think it's
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: totally different. But the thing is, will you have anything
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: to talk about? I'm just kidding. Oh my god, I'm
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: just kidding. Wow. Uh. It's August, which, um you may
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: not know. It is kind of just like a dead
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: time all around for a lot of people who work
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: in media and especially freelancers. In its summer, and you know,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: we want to like have a little bit of a
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: summer break. Although I mean in August, I'm actually going
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: to be working just on different things. So so we're
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: like a virgin LLC. That's actually that's not actually what
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: our l is. Loretta after Struck. Loretta LLC is taking
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: some time off this August, and we so enjoyed recording
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: our Girls Girling episodes in June and are still you know,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: apart and want to spend a little extra time together.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: So you're hearing this now in August, but we're recording
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: it in July, and like those episodes in June, we're
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: going to focus on one topic or theme that is
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: not media or entertainment related and just kind of shoot
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: the ship about that. Yes, so no cultural topic for today,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: but we were tasked by producer Phoebe to talk about relationships,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: and I believe the inciting question she's provided us is
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: why have all your romantic relationships failed? Which just goes
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: to show that Phoebe um knows us very well and
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: also is a bitch. I will, okay, so let me
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: just caveat this because it's not necessarily inaccurate to say
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: to ask why have all your romantic relationships failed? Because
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: as far as relationships go, you and I have maybe
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: not been in as many as the average girl, or
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: maybe um just like don't prioritize or like market our
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: lives through relationships the way some people do. But I
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: will say, and also, neither of us are currently in
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: a relationship, so you know, just by by you know, logic,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: that means all of our previous relationships have failed because
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: none of them continue to endure. But I will say,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: just to be that girl, that I actually just don't
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: feel like any of my relationships have been quote unquote failures.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I I really believe in like love cycles. I believe
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: that like all relationships kind of teach me things and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: like give me something new, um and cult and I
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: do feel like I and the product. I think, like
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: who I am today is the product of a lot
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: of ex lovers and like it they have you know,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: given me or taught me in the time that I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: spent with them. So like when a relationship ends, I
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: don't necessarily think of it as a failure. I think
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: of it as the end of a love cycle. Um.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: And I don't know, I I yeah, I just wanted
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: to copy at that. Okay, well, thank you for providing
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: that context. Um. You know a lot of my relationships
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: have failed because I wasn't exactly interested in them. Um.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I as I've I've kind of like jokingly said on
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: this podcast before, like that I think I might fall
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: somewhere on the A romantic or demi romantic spectrum. And like,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know how true that is. I think, like
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: for me defining it in that way, it's not super helpful.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: It's just like relationships have never been a huge priority
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: for me. And I really love the beginning of a relationship.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I love a crush, I love that feeling of obsession,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and then as soon as my interest is returned, I
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: lose it. Um. So that's kind of how all of
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: my relationships have mostly failed, and then also a lot
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: of them have been just because what if that didn't happen.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I got to the point where I wanted to like
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: define what we were, and the other person and I
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: were not on the same page. Either. I wanted to
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: be you know, boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever, and the
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: other person didn't or the other person did, and I
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: was like, that's not what we are. I guess the
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: biggest problem with all my romantic relationships has the through
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: line has been just not being on the same page
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: as the other person. You know, Like the last time
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I actually dated someone when it ended was when I said, like,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: so we've been dating for a while, do I call
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: you my boyfriend? And the other person was like, oh,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't think that was something we were doing, which
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: is like so gas lady, because like it's not just
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: about words, like you show people through actions how you
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: were defining your relationship. And this was someone who very
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: much acted like my boyfriend. Yes, if you're playing house
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: and doing all this ship, if you're if you're like
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: raking in on the emotional intimacy, like because he wanted
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: me to like come over every night just to sleep.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: He like texted me every day. He wanted to like
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: go out to dinner all the time. I guess maybe
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: what pushed him over the edge was one time after
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: we had sex, I set his call to Garson wallet
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: on fire by accident. On accident. It was an accident.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: He had a hit a lit candle and I you know,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: knocked his wallet into it and it lit on fire.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: But he definitely was my boyfriend. And then when I
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: was like, so, you're my boyfriend, right, he was like whoa.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Whoa was such a huge red flag, an immediate chop um.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So I similarly, I have similar problems. I feel like
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I'm always not on the same page with like the
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: romantic partners that I find, and um, I'm usually trying
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: to keep things casual and they want something more. I'm
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: trying to feel it out or take my time and
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and that's just not where they are. And that's usually
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: a consequence of dating people that are younger than me,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: which happens all the time. But I will say my
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: relationships usually start in kind of the inverse way. I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: cannot in any way develop a real crush on someone
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: unless I have green light confirmation that they like me
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: or that they're into me, Like my crush, and I
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: don't I don't know if this is like a really great,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: very healthy approach relationships or if it's just narcissism. But like,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I truly cannot find that you know, crushy feeling until
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: it feels like a possibility for me, And I think
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: that kind of cuts me off from a lot of opportunities. Like,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: but it's probably healthy. It is healthy. I mean, I'm
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: grateful for it because I'm not like stuck, not since
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: high school, at least not stuck like pining over people
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: that aren't going to love me back um or aren't
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: even gonna like, you know, think about think about me.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: But it also like cuts me off from opportunity because
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: if I don't have a green light, if I don't
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: have like initial flirting or anything, which is really difficult
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: for me to pick up on in the first place,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: like I just won't even consider you as a prospect um,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And so I tend to play defense. And anybody that
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: ever wants to get me, which has always always been
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: true and probably will stay true, usually has to approach
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: me first in sub capacity, you know. And I think
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: that's when I start to engage. But yeah, I don't
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: know it's so hard especially when like, especially in like
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: queer relationships, like the situation ship just is rain supreme.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It rains supreme, and I am in a lot of them,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: and I feel like, you know, the only ethical way
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: to do situation ships is that is if you're both
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: on the same page about being in situation ships. And
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: that has been like my last few relationships have been
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: that they've been things that we have not labeled, but
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: we have like in subcapacity committed to each other. Um.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: But it creates tension if one of the partners is
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: not forthcoming about what their wants and needs are and um,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: the the the issue really at the end of the
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: day usually is like they want something that I do
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: not want, or they're not willing to take it at
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: the pace that I want to take it, or we're
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: not finding a way to compromise, or I don't know.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I I think that To answer Phoebe's inciting question, I
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: do feel like a lot of my relationships become about power,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: dynamic and control. And you always have the power, you know,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: you always want the power? Yeah, I do. Well, I
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say I always want the power. I would say
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: in recent and like the last two ish years, I've
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: really conceded myself to my lovers and tried my hardest
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: to be less like the person that I used to be,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: but but trying to reclaim how our relationships does come
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: naturally to me. So it is a vice I I
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: end up falling into. Like I I like things to
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: be on my terms. I like and you ask what
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: you want, you you ask for what you want in
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: relationships exactly. But the thing is, if I date you
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: long enough, what I eventually have to kind of let
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: you in on is just say, like, hey, my first relationship,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: which was a year and a half long, was really
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: emotionally traumatizing and like it was with a person who
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: controlled everything that I did and and and so now
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I've basically shaped all of my future relationships after that
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: to protect myself in a way that is sometimes overcorrective
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: and you know, not fair to the partners that I
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: take on. And sometimes I mean someone that I dated
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: a few years ago, I had to be like, hey, like,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I reacted this way. I don't
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: know why I did this. I don't know why I
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: did that. I'm so sorry. I think it's coming from
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: this has to do with like my last relations or
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: this has to do with relationships eons ago, and it
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to do with you. And I'm so sorry
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: that it's that I brought it in. I mean, that's
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: it's really good that you're so self aware about it,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: because despite the fact that I don't, or maybe because
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: of the fact that I don't have a lot of
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: romantic relationships, when I have been in them, I just
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: act like fucking crazy person and I don't really have
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: any self control. And that feeling of like having a
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: crush and it being something that is controlling you. That
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: is really most of my experience with relationships and probably
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: why I choose not to shape my life around them,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: because I know that I'm just like prone to that.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: There's someone who I dated right around right before I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: started transitioning who just like never kind of gave me
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: what I wanted but always strung me along and he
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: was so hot and I was so obsessed with him,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: and then would like periodically pop back into my life
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: over the years and say things like, oh, well, I
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: actually think I might be bisexual and I might be
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: into women, and like give me a little bit of hope,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: and then that feeling of not having control of how
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I acted around this person would come back and we
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: even he he was really into uh sticking pokes at
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: one point, and he one time we like hung out
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: and he gave me a tattoo and then I tattooed
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: my name on his ass um. Oh my god, that's
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: so punk. That's like very you not gonna lie it
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: is and it was so it was so hot, and
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I said to him, like after it happened, I said,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: so you know that I own you now, and he's like,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I know, I've always known that. And it was crazy
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: to me how he could say things like that that
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: we're so hot, but like then not follow that up
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: with giving me what I actually wanted, which was just
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: like him. And so because of that feeling, I am
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: someone who likes control. And so I guess one of
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: the reasons why I have chosen not to order my
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: life around romantic relationships is because I don't want to,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: in a larger sense, give up the control over my
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: life that I have. And yeah, I guess I'm too
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: into being the person who says what I what I'm doing,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: and what I want um to like give up that
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: larger control and I mean you said you kind of
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: read me kind of Recently, we were talking about doing
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: our live show in New York and I was saying
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: that the reason that I I didn't want to do
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: it is because I couldn't be in control of it
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: and the way I wanted, and you said, no, what
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: it's actually about is you don't want to be uncomfortable.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: And I think that's another big part of it, is,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: like relationships are really uncomfortable. You're giving so much of yourself,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: You're putting so much of yourself into someone else's hands
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: and letting them decide, and you're letting someone see you
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: in a really vulnerable way, and that to me is
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: extremely uncomfortable. And because I know I have this propensity
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: to like become so obsessed with someone that I'll like
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: literally them do whatever they want. I'll let them like
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: tattoo something on my body, I just don't let myself
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: get to the point where that could even start to happen.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I similarly, like I can, I can try. I'm very protective,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: and I think I don't know if it's in the
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: same way, but like I can be very codependent, like
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: extremely codependent with like my lovers and like I when
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I get into a rhythm with them, I want them
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: around all the time. And I get really scared of
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: that version of myself, like my Venus is and Gemini
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: and like a switch flips, and UM, I think it's
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: it's something that can be really terrifying, Um, to make
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: yourself that vulnerable or uncomfortable, as you're saying. And I
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: think a lot about worthiness. And I think that you
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: and I just actually have arrived at a place where
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: we really do know our own worth. Like we really
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: do know how good we are at our jobs. We
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: know like how we ascend, We know like how good
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: we are actually have relationships and communication, how adult we are,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: like how stable we are in our own lives, and
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: like it's really hard for prospective lovers to even come
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: close to like where we are. You know, I know,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: I really I can't imagine being with someone who's not
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: on my level. And I don't mean that, and I
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: mean that in many ways, not just in one way. Also,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: my Venus is also in Gemini. Wait are you kidding me? Yeah,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: my Venus is in Gemini in the second house, jaw direct.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: We need to talk to Channy about this, Um, we
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: need to conference her and immediately that is whack a doodle. Yes,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: but so um I think when I over the past
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: couple of years, I have found myself getting a lot
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: more attention from younger people, which is not necessarily like
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: who I normally am the most attracted to. And because
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: of that, I can't imagine dating someone who does not
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: have their shipped together in the same way I do,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: so like, I don't even like consider this like people
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: as partners and I and I mean that on so
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: many levels, like I mean financially, like someone who who
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: has their ship together with their career at least like
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: knows what they want to do or is like working
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: towards that, And also someone who knows themselves because a
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: lot of people really don't know themselves. And you and
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I are two people who have done a lot of
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: work to become almost painfully self aware. And you know,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: if my romantic relationships could be at the level as
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: my you know, friendships are, maybe, but it's it's so
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: much work. I mean, you and I do so much processing,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: and I an't imagine doing that with someone I have
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: sex with. Okay, two things. First of all, the overprocessing
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: thing is so real. I do feel like I've done
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: so much self work, but now to the point of
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: just like it becoming an issue. You like, one of
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: my last serious relationships. Our relationship had already ended, but
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: we had you know, one of those like months later,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: like let's talk a little bit about it and how
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: when or whatever. And something that he said has really
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: stuck out to him. He was like, we spent so
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: much time processing and talking about what wasn't going wrong
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: or how you were trying to fix yourself or how
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I was trying to fix myself. Like we spent so
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: much time saying how we were going to do better
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: that we never like just were we never were in
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: the actual relationship because we're talking too much about the
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: futurity and how to improve it. And I was, but
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: was but was that a direct result of conflict you
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: were having? It was? It was? It was. It was
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: a direct result of conflict and also a direct result
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: of me being and like I think my first year
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: of therapy, so there was a lot going on. It
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: was the pandemic because I think when you have when
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you have conflict, like you need to work through it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: That's one of the reasons why fran I have a
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: good friendship and are able to work together. And it's
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: like I was talking to someone about this recently, like
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: it's not just something that happens. Fran and I have
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: had some very you know, not but very intense moments
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: in our friendship where we have had to call each
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: other out or call each other in and really talk
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: about it because our friendship is really important to both
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: of us. Um And I know that I'm someone with
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: interpersonal relationships that if I don't, if I don't bring
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: something a problem up when it's happening, it will just
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: fester and become something much bigger than what it is.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: And that's like, I'm so grateful that I'm able to
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: come to you and say, like, hey, this thing happened
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: the other day and it has been kind of bugging me.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: And I know that if I just don't say something
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: about it, it's going to keep bugging me. So let's
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: just talk about it. Um And I just can't see
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: myself doing that with a romantic partner because all the
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: times I've tried it has so backfired on me. I
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: just don't prioritize romantic relationships. I let romantic relationships happen
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: to me. They fall into my lap. Someone approaches me,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to engage with that because you've taken the time.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: And if I think you're sexy or fun and I
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: want to date, but like I'm just not hawking for them.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I don't go out to the clubs to look for relationships.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I'm there with my girlies. When I imagine my life,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: when I and I'm someone who doesn't want to get married, okay,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: like I do want to be a wife, okay, but
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: like when I imagine my life, I imagine that wedding
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: or like what my life looks like. I don't imagine
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: myself and a partner. I imagine myself and a partner
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: and a community of people that we have like built
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: our lives around, and with that we are cultivating lives
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: together that I'm helping raise my friends kids that I
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: am like you know that I'm traveling all the time
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: with my friends and with my partner, Like I don't
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: want isolated time to no end with like my you know,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: betrothed or whoever. It is, like it's just I can't
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I can't even imagine that. I thought that I think
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: is the problem. Although I do have moments where I think,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: you know, last week it was my birthday, and I
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: did think it would be so nice to have a
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: partner who was like making sure that I was, you know,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: having a good day or like whatever. But those are
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: really the only moments where I think about that. And
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: part of all this is I'm so bad at dating
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: and I just don't It's like, I mean, dating is
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: working hard. I mean, it's it's a it's it's a
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: combination of being bad at it and also being completely disinterested,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: and a big part of it is being out of
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: practice with it. So much of this is you know,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a byproduct of over two years of the pandemic and
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: just like not my social muscles not being what they
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: used to be. But I remember, like right after I
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: moved to l A, you know, I was trying to
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: find connection. I was like not just I wasn't really
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: using Grinder because I didn't want to have casual sex
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: because of the scary COVID of it all. But I
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: started to use like tender more. And there are people
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: who wanted to like meet up in the park and
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: go on a walk, and I mean, first of all,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I don't ever want to I don't ever want to
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: meet up with someone in a park ever again. But
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: I was so out of practice of talking to a
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: human being I didn't know in real life, and dating
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: was already something that I had been really like bad
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: about and disinterested in, and so I just like fully
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: opted out of it. I remember even I even made
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: plans to meet up with someone and then just ghosted
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: them because I was like, I can't do this. I
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: don't have the spoons for it. I mean, yeah, I mean,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I you know, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I think it's it's worth saying. And what probably virgins
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: at home already know is that, like dating as a
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: trans person is extremely hard, and dating is hard for
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: girls like us, but like especially for girls like you,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: like yours and my transness are extremely different, and like
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I benefit from just you know, still dating faggots, you know,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: like we date dip completely different pools of people um
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: to summit to some extent, and you know, I just
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: like the mental back flips and kind of inner monologues
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: that you have to have just to get yourself in
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: the door is just completely different than probably most people
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: listening to this podcast. You know, yeah, I think I
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: you know, I would imagine that a lot of trans
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: people can understand that experience, and like a lot of
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: since people might not have a way to even conceptualize
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: what it is like as a trans person. Two, think
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: about dating, to think about meeting someone if you've never
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: met before, and like all of the things you have
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: to sort of like prepare yourself for about how they
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: might interact with you or see you. And yeah, like
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: not even honestly, like microaggressions are like the baseline, but
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: like what's worse actually is like what they don't say,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: but what you know they're thinking. Yeah, And I started
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and I started like being especially in the past, I
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: don't know, maybe six months that you know, I do
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: not hook up with people as often as I used to,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: and when I do, I'm much more upfront. I like
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: really don't want to have sex with men who consider
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: themselves straight at all. And like, you know, I'm by,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: but I do primarily have sex with men. It's just
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: easier to casually have sex with with men. I'd really
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: do not want to have sex with anyone who doesn't
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: consider themselves queer. And I have started like the last
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: person I had sex with, um who's by, I said
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: something along the lines of like just you know, like
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I don't consider myself super cis passing. So if that's
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: something you're interested in, if you're like on Grinder specifically
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: looking for looking for trans women, that's just not my tea.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: And and he, you know, was like, oh yeah, Like
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I would never think that my opinion on how someone
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: presented like should have any impact on them. And that's
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: not something I really care about at all. And so
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: it is like very reassuring to me to have those
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: kinds of caveats upfront and out of the way. But
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: it's still like, is scary. I think it's less scary
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: when it's just sex, but if you have a feeling
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: that it could be more than that, I think when
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: you're trans, it's just like you're always waiting for the
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: shooter drop, I mean, honestly, though, to end on some lightness,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I have to bring up a point that we talked
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: about in the Honey Pluton episode, which is that you
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: and I would be exceptional contestants on a dating show.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I think I would be a great judge or a host.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: No no, no, no no, I don't want to be
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: a contestant, baby, baby, this this is my plea virgins.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: If you know casting directors, producers, you know people that
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: work on reality shows, especially if you know someone that
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: works on funk Boy Island who is trying to develop
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: a queer funk they Island. We want to be cast.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: We would be excellent dating contestants. I want to be
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: the host, okay, fine, But beyond that, what I'm trying
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: to do, Rose, is use this public platform to get
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: you laid, okay, like all of us deserve. I'm totally
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: I'm totally open to people sliding into my d M. Hello.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, even though you don't read your d m s,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: what's the best way actually? Rose? Like, So I did
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I do read? I check my d m s. I
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: don't wait on to them. I G not Twitter, right,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I G yeah, I don't check my Twitter Twitter? Okay
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: for me? I also d ms also work, especially for Instagram,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: so that I can see what you look like first, um,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: And I feel like, don't DM me if you live
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: in like wherever the fuck? Yeah, if you live in
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: l A and you want to slide, go forward, slide,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: We'll see. And for me, I mean, I'm a bicoastal girl,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: but like I'm in New York, right, now, so hit
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: me up. Next week we'll be back with another you know,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: chit chatty episode, so you know nothing to prep for that,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: but come prepared for us to get a little deep,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: little vulnerable. Um And as always, you can leave us
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: a review on Apple podcast It helps us so much.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: I'm your co host, Rose Damn You. You can find
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: me anywhere online at Rose Damn You, and I'm Franterato.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: You can find me at friends, Wish, go anywhere you
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: want subscribe to Like a Virgin anywhere you listen to podcasts,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: leave us a rating on Spotify or a review on
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts. We love to see them. Like a Virgin
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: is an I Heart Radio production. Our producers Phoebe Unter,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: with support from Lindsay Hoffman, Julian Weller, Jess Crane Chitch
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: and Nikki Etour. See you next week. Virgins by Chow
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Audioles