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The Narcissist's Ego Controls Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Today we're talking about the anatomy of a narcissist.
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  The two separate parts that I think that every single
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  narcissist possesses the I guess the word you want to use, the
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  normal part and the narcissistic part.
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  What what operates the narcissistic part?
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  What makes the narcissistic part of the narcissist separate from
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  the non narcissistic part? There's a lot of alliteration in
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  the today's episodes of Be prepared for a lot of ends.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist here to give you the
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  perspective of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  So the anatomy of a narcissist, I'm not talking about like
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  surgically cutting up a narcissistic person.
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  I know how some of y'all might be feeling like we'll leave.
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  Talk. Wait a minute.
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  Wait a minute, Lee. Some of us do want to cut them
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  up. No, you don't.
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  We're not giving them that energy this year.
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  The more their energy. Well, Lee, you, you, you lost me
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  at Anatomy. And you, you had me at Anatomy
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  and you lost me at not cutting them up.
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  So I'm out of here. Peace.
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  No no, but seriously, this is for me y'all.
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  This is an inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
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  If you don't want an inside look at the mind of a narcissist,
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  scroll away right now, hit the like button, subscribe, but
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  scroll away right now because I was thinking about this the
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  other day, how not every set, not every second of every day.
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  Am I being narcissistic, right? Not every second of every day Am
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  I walking around looking to manipulate people Like who
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  around me can I manipulate today?
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  He he he feel like the wicked witch of the East, right, or the
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  West? Like hello, my pretties.
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  Who can I manipulate today? He he who can I stick my flying
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  monkeys on? No, I'm not walking around
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  thinking about that right? I'm walking around having I
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  feel. I feel like I'm having pretty
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  normal everyday human being thoughts until I get activated.
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  Now I use the word activated instead of trigger because
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  trigger just yeah, it's like it's a played out words used so
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  much. Oh night like the word
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  narcissist. Lee, you you worried about using
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  the word triggered? Would you say narcissist
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  everyday? Yes, it's different.
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  No, but seriously, I'm cool and I think most narcissistic people
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  might be decent until they get activated.
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  And this is no and no, this is not me in any way, shape or form
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  trying to justify narcissist behaviors because that's not
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  what I'm doing here. Don't get it twisted.
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  Don't think that that's not what I'm doing here.
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  I'm not trying to justify anybody's behaviors.
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  I'm not trying to rationalize anybody's behaviors.
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  I'm just giving you my perspective on these in my
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  thoughts right here as it comes as far as it comes down to
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  dealing with a narcissistic person, right and a personality
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  type. So as we continue to go forward,
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  as you can continue to go forward dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, just understand like they might be
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  cool till they get activated. Believe what the hell is what.
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  What part of them gets activated?
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  The non narcissistic part is different than the narcissistic
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  part. It it's all in the same person
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  right? But I feel like the narcissistic
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  part is operated damn near solely by the ego.
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  I know y'all going to say duh D devil, the devil.
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  Lee, you got it. I was going to say devil.
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  You beat me too, Lee. They're operated by the devil,
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  Bill's bub, Lucifer, Satan, all of the above.
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  Right now it can feel, it can feel that way, right?
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  It can feel like narcissistic people are operated by Satan or
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  the devil or not. But no, I truly think that
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  narcissistic people are cool sometimes until they get
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  activated, until the ego wakes, the ego is awakened and you
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  cannot, yeah, once the once a narcissist ego gets awakened,
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  you cannot shut that shit off. Let's be real, it really you, it
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  has to damn near has to run out of steam before you can even
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  talk or deal with the person. When I say ego gets activated,
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  it may, it could be anything. It could be anything that
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  triggers the narcissistic person.
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  To me, the narcissist ego is a self-defense mechanism, always
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  trying to defend itself like the the ego is trying to defend the
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  the narcissist. The ego doesn't want to feel
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  bad. The ego wants to feel like a
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  good person. The ego wants to feel like we
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  do, we do good deeds. The ego wants to do all of this
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  stuff. So that's why you see a lot of
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  narcissist and people that never take accountability for what
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  they do because they don't want to feel bad.
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  They know the shit that they did is wrong.
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  They know they put you, they know cheating is bad.
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  They know that and they did it anyway.
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  But they don't want to feel bad about it.
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  So they blame you for the cheating?
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  You know it's your fault I cheated, right?
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  Because you withheld intimacy from me for 12 hours.
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  What? I was sleep.
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  I slept 8. I was sick to other folk.
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  What? We do it every day?
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  Well, you withheld it. So I had to go cheat five times
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  with five different people. What?
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  In 12 hours? Damn.
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  Damn. But that's how I be feeling
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  though. When you're dealing with a, when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic person, that's
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  literally how I be feeling it. It feels like when you deal with
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  this type of person, when you're dealing with somebody with this
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  mentality, like they get activated and they make excuses
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  for everything because once that ego gets activated, there's
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  nothing else happened right there.
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  All seriously, nothing else like this person becomes an entirely
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  different person once the ego takes over.
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  The normal person that you knew, the cool person that you knew,
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  the person that that's not insufferable, the person that
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  you feel like you fell in love with, they go away.
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  They will take a nap for a little while and the ego turn,
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  the ego activate, the ego gets activated and stars going to
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  narcissistic rage. The lion, the obfuscating, the
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  manipulation, the gaslighting, all of this stuff, the blame
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  deflection, all of that stuff starts to kick in once the ego
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  gets activated. And I know that most people who
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  have dealt with the narcissist have seen this moment happen.
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  What it what? It's just like a flip.
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  A switch flips and this person that you love and care about
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  turns into somebody completely different.
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  I know a lot of people have experienced that once they get
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  activated, once somebody once something rubs them the wrong
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  way and it all. It's not always narcissistic
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  rage, right? To be narcissistic rage can also
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  be the silent treatment because the silent treatment is rage.
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  It's just silent rage. It's them removing them angrily
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  removing all communication. Instead of them angrily and
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  ragefully throwing things at you, they just remove it all.
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  It's still anger. It's still rage.
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  This person is just more passive aggressive, right?
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  So just like once the ego gets activated, it figures out, the
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  narcissist ego figures out how to best serve myself, how to get
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  rid of the shame, how to feel better about myself and how to
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  put me above everybody else. That's what the narcissist ego
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  does. Like I was saying earlier, you
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  don't know when the hell is going to get activated.
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  Little y'all little things can activate the narcissist ego.
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  Something small like you imagine being out to dinner.
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  You having a great dinner? Y'all smiling.
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  Y'all look you can hear, You can damn near hear the the pitter
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  patter of little cheeks about to get clapped later on that night.
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  Y'all was thinking about it. Y'all flirting, rubbing legs,
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  doing that little everything. And then a waiter, A waitress
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  comes by, makes a little joke, you giggle or you chuckle and
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  you look over at your narcissistic partner and that
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  whole mood has changed. You went from here in the pitter
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  patter of little cheeks getting clapped to the hooves of the
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  rapture, right? The hooves, the hooves of the
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  horses from the rapture coming to rapture, just coming to
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  rapture your ass up. You ought to get you ought to.
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  You went to heaven, right? They seriously y'all be smiling
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  and laughing. And then the waiter or the
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  waitress cracks the joke and you laugh and all of a sudden they
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  face change. They go.
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  And now they're looking at you like this.
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  They were like this. Now they're like, and you don't
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  know, you ask them, hey babe, what's wrong?
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  Nothing. I'm good.
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  Nothing. Why?
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  Why would any why would anything be wrong?
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  Whole time I twitching, why wait, no, nothing's wrong.
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  I'm good. Why would anything be wrong?
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  I'm perfectly fine. I blinking like hell.
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  They can't control it because they're so angry and so upset.
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  They can't control how they feel.
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  They can't control realistically how the mind is going to work,
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  how the mind is working in these circumstances.
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  It is damn near impossible to control, right?
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  That's where it goes. This is the mentality, this is
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  the mindset. This is how it is really
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  realistically how everything is going to be moving forward.
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  You know, and I tell people so many times, right, it's just
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  like these, this is how it be going.
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  Like they will, you won't be even understand how things are
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  going to go, right? You won't even understand how
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  things are going to go. You won't even want to make
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  sense to you. And then they activate and then
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  they shut off. The person who goes with
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  narcissist, the narcissistic part of them activate is
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  activated. I think that most narcissists,
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  the ones that even the ones that I've encountered, even the ones
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  I've met, they want to be a lot of them want to be normal.
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  They want to have a healthy mindset, but they do not know
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  how to handle their ego or get put their own egos in check.
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  You as a person who's dealing with this narcissist or toxic
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  person, whatever, you can't put their egos in check.
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  You can try, but their ego, look, a narcissist's ego is
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  going to fight. It's like a cage, like a wild
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  animal. It's going to fight to stay
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  alive. It does not want to die, right?
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  So in, in order to stay alive, it's going to do every single
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  thing it can't, it can possibly do to just mess with you.
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  Just being realistic. So as you continue to grow and
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  heal and thrive, you just understand that this is what's
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  going to happen and they will keep doing this stuff right
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  here, right? All right.
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  They're going to keep doing this type of stuff.
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  They want to keep doing these things over and over again, you
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  know, until they they get their needs met, until the the ego can
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  only calm down on its own. Well, Lee, what the hell do we
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  do when they get activated? Sometimes you have to disengage
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  from the situation. Like, I know sometimes, like
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  it's very difficult to disengage, but they want to
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  because they want to stay engaged, right?
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  The narcissist wants to stay engaged until they get what they
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  want from you. So it's very difficult to
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  disengage, but you don't look, you don't have to, you don't
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  have to attend every argument that you're invited to, but you
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  also want to be as safe as safe as possible.
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  Because sometimes when you disengage, they get more
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  enraged, they become more, they become angrier, they become more
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  vengeful, they become more hurtful.
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  They try to do more damage to you.
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  So you have to be careful to do that as well.
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  I know, it's, I know it's a lot of moving pieces, y'all.
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  But as you continue to move forward, as you continue to
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  heal, as you continue to grow, that's something you have to
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  think about as well. Y'all, you know?
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• 11:03
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• 11:09
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• 11:12
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• 11:19
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• 11:25
  on ones, my support group, everything is on there.
• 11:28
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• 11:31
  Y'all hit the subscribe button, turn on no notifications on the
• 11:34
  way out and it's always y'all. It's always mental illness is
• 11:37
  out. Also you can find my coaching,
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  my courses, my one on ones everything is available at my
• 11:42
  website mentalillness.net, kids book, self love journal.
• 11:46
  Also check out joining the channel memberships as well.
• 11:48
  Y'all thank you so much for being here.
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  I'm super grateful I'm out. Peace.