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Divorce as a Catalyst for Reinvention: An Inspiring Conversation with Donna Rae Psychotherapist & Coach · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
• 0:23
  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:31
  Well, hello, Diva Cat. Hello, Diva Mia. How are you today? It's been great.
• 0:36
  Yeah? Yes. How was your week? The week is busy.
• 0:40
  Yeah. Busy, busy. Super busy week. But it's all fun busy. That's good.
• 0:44
  That's good. So today we have a special guest.
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  Wow. Can't wait to hear about it. Oh, she's amazing. Her name is Donna Rae.
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  You know how I talked to you before about divorce coaches and how I went through
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  divorce coaching and it was paramount to my healing? And I started it actually
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  right after I got divorced, a couple months after.
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  I probably should have started during the divorce. It probably wouldn't have
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  been much more beneficial then.
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  But I love this woman. She really does help you take wherever you're at,
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  wherever you're broken from, and rebuild your life.
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  Wow, that could be very beneficial for other women out there.
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  It's amazing. It's amazing. And she's a therapist.
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  She's also a transformational coach. Wow. And she created her own method called the Donna Rae Method.
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  She created homes? She does. She's helped thousands of women across the world.
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  I will tell you, this is the mission. And that's why I'm so honored to be on
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  this podcast with you is the mission.
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  It's a sole mission now to reach hundreds of thousands, if not millions of women
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  across the globe to get this message, to activate their soul,
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  to wake them up and to get them to a point of understanding that divorce is
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  a catalyst to their highest well-being.
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  It's not a punishment. It's an invitation to rise to their higher self.
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  So it's time. I think that was letting us know that that's where we're going to be.
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  No further introductions needed. This is Donna Rae. How are you doing, Donna?
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  I am doing well. Thank you so much. I'm honored and blessed to be on this podcast
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  with you. Thank you so much for thinking of me.
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  Well, it's so glad to see you again because it's been a while.
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  I'm alum now to the Don. It has been a little while since you graduated the
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  program, and I'm loving.
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  This is why I love these conversations is I get to see you thriving.
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  I'm doing very well. I do still journal because that's part of the program as
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  well is to journal about your feelings and write things down,
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  I still journal quite a bit.
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  I know that you help people with neuroscience and deep healing, et cetera.
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  And I think that the way that you approach healing from a divorce is unique.
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  It helps people grow into the future and not look at divorce as the end, but just the beginning.
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  Yes. Very well said. I think I could see you as a graduate of the program.
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  You done well. I know. So can you kind of tell us when is the best time to start
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  and then take us from there as far as the program goes? Yeah, sure.
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  So, you know, when a woman is faced with divorce, what I think our friends and
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  family inherently mean well, right?
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  So what typically happens, you'll get a whole lot of advice and guidance from
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  Aunt Mary and Aunt Sue and Sally and all of your friends saying you should do
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  this or you should do this or he doesn't know what he's losing and you need
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  to move on and you got to just get over it.
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  And inherently, I think they're they're meaning well.
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  The problem is what they don't understand is that actually is the worst advice
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  that we could take, because what we're doing is we're not actually addressing
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  the real root cause issue.
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  We're just burying the pain and we're burying pain that is not even in our conscious mindset.
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  So just like when you sweep dirt underneath the carpet, there's going to be
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  a point where you can't sweep any more dirt underneath the carpet, right?
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  Like you're gonna go in that room and you'll be like, okay, someone's gonna
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  notice like, oh my gosh, we've got a pile of dirt.
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  What are we gonna do with it? Same thing within our system, right?
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  So when you had mentioned before about the journaling piece,
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  the journaling piece is so incredibly important, not because it's trendy and
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  not because everybody loves to do it.
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  It's because we're actually connecting with our brain, connecting with the neural
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  pathways and we're creating a new pattern, right?
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  A new pattern of thinking, a new pattern of being. So the first step isn't necessarily.
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  I think there's a divorce journey.
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  So let's put it that way. I think there's stages of divorce.
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  Okay. So there's the pre-stage where, and you guys tell me, right,
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  if you think this true, the pre-stage is where you're beginning to understand
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  that there's something wrong here. Yes, I agree. Okay.
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  Something's off now. I found out there was something going on.
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  And then 60 days later, I was divorced.
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  Yes, you're a little different. Most women will say, hmm, there's something wrong.
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  And a lot of times there might be other, not a lot of times,
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  many times we have family, we have children, we have jobs, we have connections
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  that are all intertwined, right?
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  So there may be something there, but we're not necessarily looking at it.
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  We're kind of hoping it just goes away. Maybe we'll get better.
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  Maybe I'll just handle mice. And then all of a sudden you hear a lot of these
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  things. Well, that's how marriage is and whatever.
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  So you have that stage where you're thinking about it, which could last for you.
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  Like it could be from finding out to something's wrong to divorce 60 days,
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  or it could be 10 years. It could be 15 years.
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  So that's like the pre-stage where you're trying to figure it out.
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  And what you're realizing, and this is where my heart breaks,
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  is there are men out there who truly want the marriage to work because I have
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  colleagues and I have friends and I coach men as well sometimes, right?
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  Because they truly want their marriage to work. So there are really good men
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  out there who are willing to invest in their time.
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  But the women that I work with, these are the women that typically that wasn't the case, right?
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  This person wasn't ready and not willing to do the work. So a lot of times we're
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  going to the therapist alone, right?
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  And we're trying to heal a partnership, but we're doing it solo.
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  And that's never good. It can never happen.
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  So I find like the first stage of divorce and the first stage of divorce coaching,
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  when you're ready for it, really, sometimes the beginning really is working
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  with a therapist. because we're emotionally not stable.
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  We're all over the place, whether there's an affair, whether there's narcissistic
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  injury, whether we're trying to figure out, like, is it just me?
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  Because now there's gaslighting, there's manipulation, you're being told you're
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  crazy, family, like all this different information.
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  So sometimes we just need to go to a therapist to get our ducks in a row.
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  Does that make sense? Yeah. So do you start working with women then when they're with a therapist?
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  Not until they've actually finally decided they're so accord with the divorce.
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  Typically, what I recommend, and again, this is why I say the stages,
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  is when a woman is just, and I'm just going to use this for an example.
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  Let's just say a woman finds out her husband is having an affair, right?
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  And let's say this has happened many, many times, and this is just the straw
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  that broke the camel's back.
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  Let's also say that this husband has either narcissistic tendencies or is a
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  narcissist, so there's a lot of gaslighting going around. That's all my story.
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  I know. It's like, don't say it, right? So now you're beginning to wonder,
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  like, you know, like, and maybe you've gone to the therapist,
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  you've read the books, right?
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  But there's still this, what do I do? Where do I go?
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  And you're up and you're down and you just can't seem to make sense.
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  And you are emotionally unstable.
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  And it's not because there's something wrong. And I want to be very, very clear.
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  Being emotionally unstable is not a flaw. It is an emotional set point. Does that make sense?
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  Yes, absolutely. Every woman and every man are going to have times in our life
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  where we're really emotionally stable.
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  And there will also be times in our life where we're just not.
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  And this is where we've got to get rid of the stigma of seeking help because
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  our family and friends sometimes can't help us.
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  They end up hurting us because they're giving us information that is not helping.
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  So going to a therapist when you're emotionally unstable, that's where I would
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  say is like, if a woman is, she can't think, she doesn't know where she's going
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  to live. She doesn't know her financial situation.
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  She's not sure what's going on. She's not sure if she's going to get divorced,
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  if she's going to mediation. She's just beginning the process.
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  I don't think coaching is actually the right tool for her.
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  Therapy is because she needs to become aware first of what is really going on,
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  become aware of the information that she needs to know because coaching is looking at the future, right?
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  Therapy is looking at our past. It's understanding the patterns that we have.
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  It's understanding maybe the trauma that we've all experienced as children or through our marriage.
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  And that's really good data, right? But there also comes a time where we don't need any more data.
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  We understand what happened. We know what happened. But now we want to recreate
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  or we want to create a new, you know, path forward. We want to create a new way of living.
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  We want to create and take what the mess was and take that and make that into our miracle.
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  That's when we need to go into coaching, which is the transformational part.
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  But if we're emotionally dysregulated and we can't see the forest through the
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  trees, don't waste your money because coaching will not work because you can't
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  get past that neural pathway.
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  You're right. You can't get past the frontal lobe of the brain.
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  Your brain is not looking to create you are in 100 survival mode where you're
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  always thinking about when's the next shoe going to drop how is this i'm going
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  to live through this i can't take this i can't see clearly those are the red
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  flags to say okay i need therapy so when i when i went.
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  When i went through the divorce i had a therapist actually i went through a
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  google because some of you're the best you got to pick a therapist that's really
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  important and it's very important yeah and then i did divorce coaching i think
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  it was three or six months and then i also did I did the alumni program.
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  So I did the three months and then I did the alumni program that you had at
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  that time. And then I also did energy healing.
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  And I tell people that therapy is like fixing your current situation all the way back to childhood.
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  Energy healing is about fixing the current feelings and the present vibration.
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  I concur with that. And then coaching is about fixing from where you are.
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  It's like almost like life coaching as well.
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  Transforming you into the person you always wanted to be. Maybe you weren't
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  because you made yourself small in the marriage or whatever it was at
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  Yeah, I'm going to add something to that, Maria, which is really important because
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  I love the way that you said that.
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  And there's also an addition, which is coaching is taking what you've,
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  the energy part is taking the therapy part.
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  And it's not only working on, you know, again, creating the future that we want,
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  but it's teaching you how to use the tools to get the outcome you want. Yes.
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  Because you could say, I want a good relationship and you could hire a coach
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  or you could hire somebody, but if they don't know how to transform that subconscious
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  brain, if they don't know how to teach you the tools on how to create the outcome
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  you want, then it's going to be very difficult.
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  So it's understanding. It's like when we were young, our parents and our family
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  told us, okay, this is a car.
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  This is how you get into a car. You have to step on this pedal to make the car
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  go and you have to step on this pedal to make the car stop.
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  Some of us might got confused like me and maybe use the wrong pedals,
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  but eventually we figured it out. Right.
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  So it's the same thing in this life. If we're not given the tools to say,
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  hey, listen, here's what you're going to use to do this.
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  Here's what you're going to use to do that. This is the tool that's going to get you here.
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  This is the tool that's going to get you there. It's very confusing and it's
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  very hard to figure it out because no one has taught us this.
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  Right. No one has taught us how to do this. When I was coming out of my divorce,
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  I kept telling my coach, because it was one of your coaches,
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  that I didn't want to get stuck.
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  And I had met so many women that had been divorced for years,
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  five, six, seven years, and they were still stuck. In fact, the day I got divorced.
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  I went to a restaurant, sat at the bar, and the woman next to me started up a conversation.
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  And she's like, how's your day? I go, well, I got divorced today.
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  And she's like, so what happened? So I told her, she's like,
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  well, I can tell you're not healed yet. I'm like, well, I just got divorced today.
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  You know, it was a 60-day divorce. It was pretty quick. I was like,
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  I might need a little time.
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  It was so funny because she's like, well, you're not going to be healed until
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  you can stop talking about it, right?
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  And then I was like, and then she proceeded. she's been divorced for five years,
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  proceeded to tell me all the terrible things about her husband and all the things
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  he did to her and how many times he cheated with so many different women.
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  And I was sitting there going, wait, didn't you just tell me you're not healed? Right, right.
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  And I go, well, you just told me all about your husband. She goes,
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  well, you asked. I was like, no, I didn't actually.
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  And that you just nailed what I see all the time is people giving advice to
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  other people when they are not yet healed.
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  Healed themselves. And they're doing it. I don't think they're doing it intentionally.
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  Like no one's waking up and going, oh, let me ruin this person's life or let me give them bad advice.
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  Like they truly are thinking that they're helping you. But that's why when you're
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  going through a time such as divorce, see, when you are pregnant and you're
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  beginning to bring a child into this world,
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  you are given from day one, here's what happens, you know, like the sperm meets the egg.
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  And here's what happens when the egg gets fertilized.
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  Then here's what happens day one and day two and day three.
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  So every day, you know, okay, my baby's the size of a pea today and this is
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  what's happening and this is what's growing.
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  And then this time, this is the baby and this is the size. This is what's happening
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  and this is what's growing.
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  This is what's gonna, you could expect, you know, before you get,
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  have your birth, this is what's gonna happen.
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  So you know, like what's gonna happen primarily, pretty, you have a good idea.
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  However, when a woman is faced with divorce, there's nothing, it's like a free for all.
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  And it's astonishing to me because the statistics of divorce for first marriages
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  are about 40 to 50 percent are first marriages,
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  about 60 percent divorce rate for second marriages, and we're about a 70 to
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  80 percent divorce rate for third marriages.
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  Wow. Now, the reason being, right, if we look historically at these stats,
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  there is no blame, there is no shame, and there is no condemnation.
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  But what's happening is women are looking to find their partner with their mind, not their heart, Right.
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  They're trying to figure it out using logic, but logic doesn't attract true love.
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  Logic just attracts what you think you need and you want. But if you look at
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  your track record, this is you.
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  Yes. And if you look at your track record, you could look back and say,
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  OK, that works in business.
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  It works in survival, but it doesn't work in true attraction.
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  So what happens is you go from one marriage and you attract the same partner in a different body.
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  And you go through the same thing, right?
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  And then I, for one, one of the things I, and part of your coaching is to describe
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  kind of really what you truly want and who you really want to be and then match
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  that with who you are now.
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  And if you need to change in order to match with what you truly want, then you need to change.
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  Then it's our responsibility. And that's the beauty, girls.
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  Like, truly, this is where you are not a victim to a fact.
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  You are not a victim to your divorce. I believe, now again, I may get,
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  people may throw noodles at me and the tomatoes at the screen and they can.
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  I am within full grace, and I truly believe this, that every woman does the
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  best she can with the information that she has at the time, right?
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  We could look back now with wisdom we didn't have then when we were going through the event, okay?
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  However, we do the best we can with that information.
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  But at the end of the day, it is no one else's responsibility to make our life
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  happy, to create the legacy that we want to leave, to be the woman and the impact
• 15:04
  that we want to have in the world that no one else could take on that ownership except ourself.
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  So somewhere along the line, I say it's perfectly OK.
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  Gosh, this stinks, right? Like this is not this is not what I signed up for.
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  This totally sucks. This is not where I wanted and I could own that.
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  And then I'm going to connect with God, universe, spirit and source to send
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  me the right people, the right coaches, the right paths, the right material
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  to show me the path where I need to go in order to create this because I can't
• 15:31
  place this responsibility on anybody else anymore.
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  I've got to become the one. See, that's the true magnetic factor to attracting
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  the right person who will last and who will be your partner for life,
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  not just marrying your ex-husband over and over again in a different body.
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  See, so many women will follow the advice that they were told of just get over
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  it. Just get out there again.
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  You're fine. You're going to meet someone. so they don't do the inner work. They'll go out there
• 15:55
  again, with their brain, trying to figure it out on the 5% of their conscious,
• 15:59
  they will attract someone in and it will end up being the same story and they'll
• 16:03
  be in the same place five to 10 years.
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  And that's where the second divorce rate comes in. And if they're feeling like
• 16:08
  they're a little saucy and they want to go at it again, if they still don't
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  change the internal components, they'll attract the same person.
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  So I think the freedom where we are as women is understanding we have a strategy now.
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  And the strategy is if we change, because we are frequency, Energy is energy.
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  Like frequency will attract like frequency, right? If you go into your room
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  and you put your light on, you're not gonna wonder and you're not gonna sit
• 16:33
  there and figure out how the room is wired.
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  You're going to appreciate that there's light because there's an electrician who's expert at that.
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  Our creator, whether it's God, universe, source, whatever you said is the expert
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  at our creation, we can't go in and figure out how he wired us.
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  But what we do know is the science and spirituality now is bridging,
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  right? Like it's becoming smaller and smaller and smaller, that gap,
• 16:55
  and that we are energetic frequencies and that emotions have energetic correlations.
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  The coach said to me, too, when she said that when you're determining your next
• 17:07
  partner, it's going to be different than your last partner.
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  A lot of times we're getting divorced in our 40s and 50s and the children,
• 17:15
  my children aren't grown yet, but the children are further along.
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  And it's not like we're wanting to have more children.
• 17:22
  And so you're looking more for a life partner than a good father figure and a good sperm donor.
• 17:29
  Yes, yes. No, it's 100%. And what ends up happening is so many women will remain
• 17:36
  loyal to the wound and not opening their heart to their future partner. Yeah, yeah.
• 17:42
  Because it's so important because if you don't, you take all that damage to
• 17:46
  the next relationship. and you're never vulnerable, you can't trust.
• 17:50
  I did tell my coach, I said, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to trust again.
• 17:54
  And it's been, what, a year and a half now and I've trusted a couple men.
• 17:58
  Yeah, it goes into all areas of life, Maria, too, right?
• 18:02
  Because trust is not just in the relationship. If our trust muscle is hurt,
• 18:06
  we may not trust a parent, a friend, a colleague, because we're not separate from it.
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  So when that trust muscle gets hurt, it not only impacts us on the relationship
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  side, but it impacts us everywhere because we don't trust life itself.
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  We don't trust ourselves to make a good decision, let alone someone else.
• 18:24
  Yep. And the trust factor and the lack of feeling safe after a divorce,
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  and then you go through all the stages of grief.
• 18:31
  If you could talk to that a little bit, because I know I, I'm not a crier,
• 18:35
  but because I'm a professional businesswoman, I built businesses and companies, but I cried a lot.
• 18:42
  And the coach helped me realize I just need to let it out. And it's OK.
• 18:48
  I remember you saying on one of the coaching calls, sometimes you just need to go and cry.
• 18:53
  That's I call it my 48 hour pity party sometimes because here's what happens.
• 18:58
  Women, and I say this again with love towards women.
• 19:00
  I am a woman so I can understand it and I own it. Women notoriously.
• 19:05
  And I think it's a notorious, but it also is a blessing because we were created
• 19:08
  this way. Women are created to bring people together, right?
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  You give a woman an ingredient, she will make a meal.
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  You give a woman a seed, she will make a garden.
• 19:19
  You give a woman a family and she will make a home. That's just who we are,
• 19:23
  right? So in our brain, we're always thinking one step ahead.
• 19:26
  We're always thinking about what we need to do, how to keep it going, what happens.
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  So we're always predetermining what the future could be. And we could catastrophize.
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  And that's where it could go wrong is we begin to catastrophize.
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  We begin to kind of think about how everything could go wrong,
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  where what we really want to do and what we really want to be able to understand
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  and think about is being in charge of emotions in the here and the now,
• 19:51
  being emotionally regulated and understanding that we have the power that once
• 19:55
  we change our emotional set point, we have the power now to create the life
• 19:59
  that we want. And it's not only creating the life that you want.
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  I believe it's almost like, especially for women who come to me,
• 20:05
  I think a lot of the women who come to me have this mission inside of themselves
• 20:09
  to help others, their family.
• 20:11
  Does that make sense? Yes. Right. It's not just a feeling for themselves.
• 20:14
  It's healing a generational line and an impact. People may forget us when we pass.
• 20:19
  Like it takes two generations, I believe, for families to kind of like forget who we are.
• 20:23
  But the work that you did and the work that we do here at the Donna Rae Method
• 20:27
  for Finding Love Again is meant to last generational impact forever.
• 20:31
  And I think you I know it was kind of geared towards professional women,
• 20:35
  but I think it's actually good for any woman, not just professional women. Right.
• 20:39
  And we were talking, just to add, I know I might have got off track there.
• 20:42
  We're talking about the crying part. Mm hmm.
• 20:44
  Going back to what we notoriously do, we have had to have been the strong one, right?
• 20:50
  We've developed a way of living and a way of being that if we let ourselves
• 20:54
  fall, that apple cart, we may not be able to get that apple back on the cart, right?
• 20:58
  It's like, oh my God, if I just let this, if I really let myself break,
• 21:02
  that I don't know if I'm going to be able to really get myself back together.
• 21:05
  And we're trying to keep our shit together from day to day.
• 21:08
  So it's like, oh my God, like how can I really do this? But the thing is.
• 21:12
  Crying is actually something that is so healing and so cathartic.
• 21:16
  And crying is a part of what releases. So it doesn't mean that anybody's weak.
• 21:20
  It doesn't mean that there's something wrong.
• 21:22
  I actually love when women cry because it's a release. It's a release of what we deserve.
• 21:29
  And by the way, like yourself as a professional woman, we've had women who were
• 21:33
  CEOs, managers of health systems, psychotherapists, surgeons, dentists.
• 21:39
  We have women who are incredibly intelligent.
• 21:43
  So divorce doesn't discriminate. It could go to the smartest and the most intelligent
• 21:48
  woman, and it could go down to a woman who is just beginning her journey and
• 21:53
  is inherently smart, inherently intelligent, but she's maybe just beginning her life.
• 21:57
  It doesn't discriminate, right? It's going to impact us. And even the strong
• 22:01
  women, even the women in the boardroom
• 22:03
  sometimes need to put down their vulnerability and be able to weep.
• 22:09
  But here's something that I think is also very important is,
• 22:12
  I think Brene Brown said this, is that people have to earn the right to your story.
• 22:17
  What can happen is if you do just unload on someone and they haven't earned
• 22:21
  the right to hear your story, they may betray you.
• 22:24
  You may tell people things, right? I did have a friend that I was really good friends with.
• 22:30
  And it had been three months since I got divorced.
• 22:34
  And I remember her saying, come on, Diva Mia. I shouldn't say Diva Mia,
• 22:37
  but she said, come on, Mia, why haven't you healed yet? It's been three months.
• 22:41
  And now she's been divorced for eight years. People try to rush you along.
• 22:45
  If you have a moment, sometimes you have a moment three months in and you just...
• 22:49
  Sometimes you have a moment three years in you need it.
• 22:51
  I'm married to Michael. I'm with him 14 years and I still have moments of my...
• 22:54
  Sometimes the divorce will come up, a feeling or a thought or a picture will
• 22:58
  come up and it will bring me to... Because even though we have.
• 23:02
  The ink on the paper, even though the divorce is there, it doesn't mean that
• 23:05
  we don't love the person who we're in other ways.
• 23:09
  Separate the person from the behavior. We may not be able to tolerate the behavior.
• 23:13
  We may not be allowing that. And that's what we're saying.
• 23:16
  This is not we're moving in a different direction. But it doesn't mean we didn't
• 23:20
  have dreams with this person.
• 23:21
  It doesn't mean we didn't build, you know, a life together with this person.
• 23:24
  It doesn't mean that we didn't share things.
• 23:25
  So there's going to be grief and there's going to be weeping even years later.
• 23:29
  But the difference is, do I buy a house on the street or do I move through it?
• 23:33
  Right. And that's what we do here at the Donna Rae Method for Finding Love Again
• 23:36
  is you don't drown by falling in a puddle.
• 23:38
  You drown by staying in a puddle. So when you're aware of your emotions and
• 23:42
  you're aware of the frequencies and you're aware of what is going on around
• 23:46
  you, you could have that trigger moment.
• 23:48
  And I always like to say memory without the emotional charge is wisdom.
• 23:53
  So instead of being triggered and having it take you down for days,
• 23:56
  weeks, months or years, like the women you've experienced and the women I have
• 23:59
  that have held on to for 20 years, that trigger moment lasts a moment.
• 24:04
  And you move on with your day.
• 24:06
  Yes. Because it's wisdom.
• 24:08
  Friends, they've been married for a long time and then they got divorced.
• 24:12
  They fight all the time during marriage.
• 24:14
  Now they become like, it was the best day. They're back to dating again.
• 24:18
  Isn't that amazing? I've heard that. I've seen that. Yeah, the kids are older.
• 24:22
  The kids in college. Now they're back together.
• 24:25
  Her car broke down. He will like bring her a car. They will like become best
• 24:29
  friend. It's like a best date ever. They've been dating for the past two years.
• 24:33
  Yeah. I love that. I love that. I love that because so many times what will
• 24:38
  happen in a relationship is there's unrealistic expectations that are placed.
• 24:42
  There's so much stress, right, on relationships.
• 24:44
  There's so much stress and children and family members. And,
• 24:47
  you know, I love my family and I love family in general.
• 24:50
  I'm just a person that is that's why we're a family, right? We're a sisterhood.
• 24:54
  And that's why I've created this community. So we have earned the right to hear
• 24:59
  your story and we're going to hold you and we're going to be the place so you
• 25:02
  can tell us the story and we're going to honor it.
• 25:05
  But going back to what you were saying about how they're best friends now,
• 25:08
  right, where they were divorced, is so many times family will come in or friends
• 25:11
  will come in and there's so much conflict that's going on both parties.
• 25:16
  They just don't know what to do. So they fight with each other,
• 25:18
  right? So instead of it being a collaborative marriage, it now becomes a competitive
• 25:22
  marriage. But when you release all of that struggle, now they can be friends and lovers again.
• 25:27
  Yeah, they call each other baby daddy and baby mama. I love it. I love it.
• 25:32
  They're better. So this is an example. They are better off divorced than they are married.
• 25:38
  Yeah, they only leave like two daughters down from each other.
• 25:41
  They were high school sweetheart, though. This is a new trend, by the way.
• 25:44
  Have you seen it? And talking a little bit to that, too, I know that each group
• 25:49
  coaching call, we would have the ability to celebrate our wins for the week.
• 25:53
  And that was kind of a highlight for me because I actually did a lot of wins
• 25:58
  and I was working through things.
• 26:00
  I was very aggressive about my healing, though. I really hit it hard.
• 26:03
  You were definitely, what I
• 26:05
  would say, you were dedicated, you were focused, and it was mission only.
• 26:10
  There was no other mission other than option A, right?
• 26:13
  Well, I have children, right? So I have children and I didn't like them seeing
• 26:17
  me mess stuff like that and broken. And for me, because I'm a sole parent,
• 26:22
  so I needed to be there because I was the only one that they had.
• 26:25
  They didn't go to their dad's on a weekend like at other places or every other week. So it was just me.
• 26:29
  And I wanted to make sure that they would heal or see me heal and not stay broken as quickly as possible.
• 26:37
  Because they weren't ever used to seeing you cry. Never.
• 26:39
  And so I needed to do that for them, not just for me, too.
• 26:43
  You can't rush healing, though. Well, I had a purpose, right?
• 26:46
  Right. When you have a goal and you have a purpose and my purpose was them,
• 26:49
  it gave me extra motivation.
• 26:52
  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think children don't necessarily hear what you say,
• 26:55
  but they watch what you do.
• 26:56
  And this is why it's so important for this message and this healing and this
• 26:59
  this message to get out there to women is you are the temperature of your family.
• 27:04
  You are the thermometer and there is no better gift to your children than you
• 27:08
  being healthy, happy and whole.
• 27:10
  Like we think things would be great, like going on the trips and the,
• 27:14
  you know, the Lululemon stuff and, you know, the Yeti mugs and all of these
• 27:19
  things that we could buy for our children, all those things.
• 27:21
  Sure, those things are nice. But children, no matter what age,
• 27:25
  again, three to 33 to 43, because we work with women all different ages,
• 27:29
  right? It doesn't matter.
• 27:30
  The best gift you could give your child is a happy, healthy and whole mom who
• 27:35
  is living her life so the children don't feel burdened to manage your emotional
• 27:40
  step point, that they have to be your friend. They have to make you happy.
• 27:44
  They've got to take care of you.
• 27:46
  They've got to make sure that you have somewhere to go for the holidays.
• 27:49
  They've got to make sure that you're not happy and crying somewhere in the corner. That's a big burden.
• 27:54
  To place on a family. And also it's very, it's highly inappropriate.
• 27:58
  Like, again, when we think about it as a woman, there is, again, no shame, no blame.
• 28:02
  But that is highly, that is like the worst thing we could do to our children
• 28:05
  is to place that responsibility on them for our happiness.
• 28:09
  Yes, I agree. We got to where we were because of our decisions and our choices.
• 28:14
  And we may not have known that we called in the wrong partner at the time.
• 28:18
  We didn't know it. But it's our
• 28:20
  journey to fix. It's not our children's responsibility at all to do that.
• 28:23
  And speaking about the holidays, because you have such a community,
• 28:27
  I ended up spending the day after Christmas and New Year's with one of the people from that I met.
• 28:33
  This is my thing. It's so true. Our community is so strong that you could go
• 28:38
  in our Facebook group, our alumni Facebook group, and say, hey,
• 28:41
  I'm going to be in so-and-so town and blah, blah, blah. And there will be a
• 28:44
  woman who will say, my door is open.
• 28:45
  We go on retreats together we travel together because
• 28:49
  your divorce is just an event you've been through it is
• 28:52
  not a life sentence it is not who you are right and it doesn't have to take
• 28:56
  30 40 20 years we could do it in 12 weeks it is an amazing community yeah that
• 29:01
  you created with such strong women that i think that yes going forward you will
• 29:08
  this is going to be a movement not just a.
• 29:12
  I'm so glad you said it. Yes, from your mouth to God's ears.
• 29:15
  Because in the past, I used to joke around and I literally,
• 29:18
  and I understand now because the work I do and what I teach you and see,
• 29:22
  what I used to say is I am the world's best kept secret in the sense that I
• 29:26
  could help a woman heal because I know when someone comes in to have a conversation
• 29:31
  with me and I'm truly listening to her heart, I will know if I could help her.
• 29:35
  And if I could help her, I will invite her in and I will work with her.
• 29:38
  But if I know I can't, I'm going to send her off to where she wants to go.
• 29:41
  Or where she needs to go to get the healing she needs.
• 29:44
  But I unwittingly was creating a very, even though our community was big,
• 29:48
  it was still small compared to where it's going to go, right?
• 29:51
  And I did that because I was also raising two children of my own and I wanted
• 29:55
  to balance being a professional and being successful and running a business,
• 29:59
  but also I'm true to my word. So if I make a promise, I want to be able to deliver on it.
• 30:04
  And I knew if I was in a room with millions of people like a Tony Robbins,
• 30:07
  you know, going out to millions of people, then, I wouldn't be authentic to
• 30:11
  the mission and the transformation that I could give.
• 30:15
  I wanted to be one-on-one calls with you.
• 30:17
  I wanted to be in those rooms with you. So I kept it a very small community
• 30:20
  as compared to where it's going.
• 30:22
  But now my girls are 25 and 22. One's a teacher.
• 30:26
  One's a nurse. So they're both in the healing professions, right?
• 30:29
  So we're all in that profession.
• 30:30
  But now is the time that God is calling me to take this mission.
• 30:33
  To take this message. And this has to become a movement because we as women
• 30:37
  must come together to understand that there's nothing wrong with you. You are not broken.
• 30:43
  There's choices and decisions that you made, the best of your ability that you realized not so much.
• 30:49
  And we're going to take those broken pieces and we're going to craft a very
• 30:53
  beautiful new vase for you to live life out of and to give to the world.
• 30:59
  Right so that was your ultimate goal of divorce
• 31:02
  coaching to make like the beautiful ways out
• 31:05
  of it correct yes yeah because here's what
• 31:08
  i i don't know why and this is this is kind of interesting as
• 31:11
  you ask me this question i knew from a very young age that we're in a world
• 31:16
  that is a broken world a very loving world but yet broken meaning there's not
• 31:21
  many people that are your cheerleaders when you're in school you have parents
• 31:24
  and you have cheerleaders that say great job but most people don't get called
• 31:27
  in the principal's office to get a raving review.
• 31:30
  You're getting called in the principal's office because there's something wrong.
• 31:33
  But when you leave the traditional school system, the world doesn't look at
• 31:36
  what's right. It looks at what's wrong.
• 31:38
  And you're being criticized and condemned and what you're doing right in comparison
• 31:42
  of who's doing what and who do I need to compare myself to and where do I fall
• 31:46
  in society and where am I included and where am I not included and all of these different pieces.
• 31:51
  And inherently, we think it's
• 31:53
  outside of us being included in certain communities or events or things.
• 31:57
  But the real, real shift is when you love yourself.
• 32:00
  When you love yourself and you activate your soul, you're on fire,
• 32:03
  girl. Once I could do that for you, then you could take that fire and you could
• 32:07
  pass the flame to another woman who could then find her soul because that's when we become alive.
• 32:11
  That's when we become like, yeah, sure, we care if someone says something mean
• 32:14
  about us or they don't include us in their games or whatever.
• 32:17
  Of course, it doesn't. It's not like, oh, gee, great. Let me be like, that feels great.
• 32:21
  No, of course, it feels not so good. But it doesn't impact you.
• 32:24
  It doesn't stop you. It just, if anything, it fuels you to live deeper,
• 32:28
  to live more fully, and to be less impacted by the ways of others and to be
• 32:33
  more impacted by the ways of spirit. Your intuition.
• 32:36
  See, we've been broken down over the years as women to depend on someone else,
• 32:40
  to take direction from someone else, to be someone else's wife,
• 32:43
  someone else's mother, someone else's friend, to give all our time away for
• 32:46
  free, to donate, to do, do, do, do.
• 32:48
  But the one person that we have forgotten to take care of is ourself.
• 32:52
  My husband always say, I'm the cause of the family. the what the core the main
• 32:57
  battery you are you are 100 the core of a family yeah.
• 33:02
  We, we give, and I believe, and you guys tell me this too, for me as a woman,
• 33:06
  as a mother, I believe that's an honor.
• 33:08
  I wouldn't trade being a mother and I wouldn't trade giving and nurturing my
• 33:13
  children, my family, my clients, my friends, because I, it is something that I honor and I cherish.
• 33:19
  And I've also learned to love me too, that I'm important too.
• 33:23
  And that my needs are important and that my journey is important.
• 33:26
  And then when I rise and I activate my soul, that energy now goes into my children
• 33:32
  because your energy, by the way, just think about this.
• 33:34
  You're on your phone, right? If you're on your phone, I'm calling you.
• 33:38
  Those energy frequencies from the phone frequency goes through steel beams.
• 33:42
  It goes miles. I'm here, but you're in a different state.
• 33:46
  I could pick up my phone and I could call you because the energy goes. There's no time space.
• 33:50
  It just goes right through it. Your brain's the same way. So when you are happy
• 33:54
  and healthy and whole, your energy and your frequency and your new neural pathways
• 34:00
  lead naturally into your family.
• 34:02
  So you're now becoming an energetic blueprint for your family to rise up to
• 34:06
  unwittingly, you know, unknowingly.
• 34:08
  That's when miracles start happening. That's when flow starts happening.
• 34:12
  That's when the job offer comes out of nowhere. That's where your child was
• 34:15
  maybe not feeling well and all of a sudden they feel better.
• 34:18
  Or maybe that's where you were looking for something and you couldn't find it
• 34:21
  and all of a sudden you find it because now you're in flow because you change your energy.
• 34:26
  That frequency is now, the lower frequency will always rise to the higher frequency, right?
• 34:32
  So by you doing the work, you lift up your entire family unit.
• 34:35
  They're getting caught in the draft, right? So you're making that change and
• 34:40
  that changes, not only does it change the health of our family,
• 34:44
  it changes the physical health.
• 34:46
  There's less disease. You are the good example. Well, you know, it's funny.
• 34:52
  When I was going through this, I think I waited a couple months because I was
• 34:56
  one of the women that said, I can do it myself. We all do, by the way.
• 35:01
  And if you are one of those women watching or listening to this podcast,
• 35:04
  I'm sending you love. I can do it myself. Every woman has done this. I can do it myself.
• 35:09
  I'm a tough woman. I've built companies. I am strong.
• 35:13
  I kept finding, and I didn't use the word broken. I wasn't broken.
• 35:16
  And I was just damaged, okay? Yes. But I felt broken. I would even say dented.
• 35:21
  There was a dent that needed to be repaired. Yeah, I went through a lot of dents.
• 35:25
  It was just a pause. It was just a pause. I had a lot of dents.
• 35:28
  I was 28 years with one man, right? So it was a lot of dents.
• 35:31
  And so when I went through this, I was like, okay, if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in.
• 35:36
  And I knew that my mental state had to heal because I'd never been to therapy in my life.
• 35:42
  And I started off with therapy. And then I think you popped up on Facebook.
• 35:47
  Yeah, I think you popped up on Facebook. I was like, you know what?
• 35:51
  Let me at least give her a call.
• 35:52
  And for some reason, I just got this vibe that it would be good.
• 35:56
  And I think we spent, I don't know, 30 minutes on our first call together. And it just clicked.
• 36:02
  And I knew that if I wanted to actually move forward past my stuckness,
• 36:07
  and I was stuck, I was stuck, I would have to hire a divorce coach.
• 36:12
  And then we get on group calls. And there were women that waited.
• 36:15
  They didn't listen to their true intuition, I think, or something.
• 36:19
  That's right. But there were women that had been divorced for years.
• 36:22
  And they were just starting their journey.
• 36:24
  Now, you know, it's never too late to start. I'm not saying it is.
• 36:27
  But I would recommend if you're going, if you're stuck at any point and you
• 36:32
  can't move back, the earlier the better, because you're going to waste that time.
• 36:37
  And I didn't want to waste any time because I was the sole provider for my children.
• 36:41
  I needed to make sure I could get back to work. I needed to make sure that I could refocus.
• 36:45
  And the sooner you get back, the better. And honestly, I would have,
• 36:49
  I was already getting divorced.
• 36:51
  I probably would have started during the divorce process so that I could reframe
• 36:55
  because you guys did a lot with helping me reframe my thought process around
• 36:59
  what was actually going and learning the lessons that were that the divorce was teaching me.
• 37:05
  And even the marriage taught me. They were just lessons.
• 37:08
  And I needed to reframe. And that's where I needed someone to help walk me through.
• 37:13
  And you guys were so good.
• 37:15
  So detailed. Thank you. and you were you
• 37:19
  you would smack me around not physically so i'm
• 37:22
  half i'm half your cheerleader but i'm also half like
• 37:25
  knock the shit off like let's get out like we gotta handle but
• 37:28
  someone needs to tell us that right someone needs to say what you're feeling
• 37:32
  and what you're experiencing is normal and natural because it is there's nothing
• 37:37
  that's not normal there's nothing that's not natural but it's not right or wrong
• 37:41
  it's does this behavior does this thought does it serve me Or does it hurt me?
• 37:46
  And if it's served you, great. And it is because here's what I like to say.
• 37:50
  When you begin to do the work the way that I teach it, right,
• 37:54
  and the strategies that we use, you may come in and you may be thinking,
• 37:58
  let's just say, generally speaking, 80% about the past.
• 38:01
  And 20% about the future. That means 80% of your thoughts are thinking from
• 38:05
  any given moment, thinking about where you've come from, the pain that you've
• 38:08
  experienced, the hurt that you've been through, how it's impacting your children,
• 38:13
  how you're, you know, all of the things, right?
• 38:14
  All of the things. And 20% is in a hopeful state saying, okay,
• 38:19
  I've got this and I could do this.
• 38:20
  Now, 80 against 20, who's going to win all the time?
• 38:23
  80% is going to win. So even though you have that 20% of hope,
• 38:26
  you're going to get clobbered by the 80%. You'll be able to hold that for a
• 38:30
  little while Well, but eventually that wave is going to come and man,
• 38:33
  it's going to take you down and take you down hard, right?
• 38:36
  But we acknowledge that and we celebrate. Okay, we have 80 and 20 and then we do the work.
• 38:42
  And then you may come back next week and you're at 75 or 25, right?
• 38:46
  Meaning you're at 75 of the past and 25% of the future.
• 38:51
  Then you may come back the next week and now you're at, say,
• 38:54
  60-40 where you're only 60% in the past and now you're 40% in the future.
• 38:59
  Now you may have a stumble. You may have a wobble. Maybe it's a few weeks from
• 39:02
  now you come back, right? But now you're at 50-50.
• 39:05
  Now you're 50% of the past, 50% of the future. And then what ends up happening
• 39:09
  is that big shift happens.
• 39:10
  All of a sudden you're 60% thinking about your future and 40% about your past.
• 39:15
  70 future, 30 past. 80 future, 20 past.
• 39:18
  90 future, 10 past. So eventually the shift happens, like you said,
• 39:23
  this process happens where you are now more invested in your future than you are in your past.
• 39:28
  You're now thinking more about your life today and how you're going to live
• 39:31
  it tomorrow and the people that you're going to meet and all the good things
• 39:33
  that are going to happen.
• 39:34
  And that's your new garden, right? And that's what you focus on.
• 39:37
  And that happens through the process, like this, but it happens through the process.
• 39:41
  Yeah. So through your coaching experience, do you have how many people still
• 39:45
  start? And do you have the success stories?
• 39:48
  Oh, my gosh, do I have. I love, gosh, I love this.
• 39:52
  Do you have, I mean, I have many, many, many, many success stories,
• 39:55
  right? But I will go to a few. And Marie, you're one of them, right? Like truly.
• 40:01
  So you could share your own success story, right? With what happened and where you've been.
• 40:05
  There's also, there's a few women that always come to my mind.
• 40:08
  And one was Lori. Have you ever been with Lori Z?
• 40:11
  Have you ever been in, I don't know if you were at the time that you were in there.
• 40:15
  So Lori was, she was an amazing woman. And she happened to come to me later in life.
• 40:20
  Okay. So she had been married to an absolute narcissist, like complete narcissist,
• 40:25
  And ended up, he completely abandoned the family, completely ended up,
• 40:29
  you know, she was left really alone.
• 40:32
  She picked up the pieces, tried to figure it out. She now does what most women
• 40:37
  do, get over it. Let's find someone else. She goes into this next relationship.
• 40:40
  Guess what? Another narcissist. Another one.
• 40:43
  10 years was in that relationship. After 10 years. Now, the problem with the
• 40:47
  second relationship was not only was he a narcissist, but unfortunately,
• 40:51
  she was so deeply in love with him.
• 40:53
  Like the first husband, she wasn't so deeply in love with. It was more like,
• 40:57
  I'm almost like, this is terrible, but I'm free.
• 40:59
  But the second relationship, she really loved this person. So it was heartbreaking.
• 41:03
  Like her heart literally broke, right, in this. So anyway, she comes to me and
• 41:07
  at the time she had also sold off a lot of her things and she moved in with
• 41:12
  her son because they decided they were going to buy a property in California
• 41:16
  and it was a growing suburb in California that they were doing as an investment.
• 41:21
  So they knew they were going to buy here for a certain amount of years and then
• 41:24
  they'd sell and then she'd get her half and he would get his and they would
• 41:27
  go, you know, kind of go on.
• 41:28
  But it worked out good for her because she needed a place to live.
• 41:31
  Right. And she wanted to be by family.
• 41:33
  So long story short, she comes and she's doing the work and she's handling and she's doing the work.
• 41:39
  But one of her things that she always wanted, and this is something that was
• 41:41
  so near and dear to her heart, she wanted to be married.
• 41:44
  She was a woman who wanted to be married again. Some of us want to have a partnership
• 41:47
  and we want to be with a partner, but we don't want to necessarily get married.
• 41:51
  Some of us always want to be married.
• 41:53
  Yeah, we have one friend that really wants to be married.
• 41:57
  That was me, you know, in my journey. But you want a partnership.
• 42:01
  I do. I do. And if I get married, I get married.
• 42:04
  But if I don't, it's OK. And that's what I always say is if there are some women
• 42:07
  who know what they want and there are some women who are not sure and either
• 42:11
  option is OK, because what I always say, just wait until the relationship shows
• 42:14
  up, because then you can make your determination as a partnership.
• 42:18
  Because in the past, we never really had a true partnership to be able to make
• 42:22
  that clear determination with.
• 42:23
  When you're with the right partner that fits you, you're actually conversation is welcome.
• 42:28
  Right. Being able to solve a problem together is doable, right?
• 42:32
  It's not just one thing or another.
• 42:33
  But anyway, so Lori does the work and turns out that her son,
• 42:38
  out of nowhere, gets this obscure opportunity to go into another state and they
• 42:43
  have to sell their house in California.
• 42:45
  There's like now she's completely feeling a little discombobulated, let's say.
• 42:51
  But what we kept doing is exactly what we did, right? We focus on the outcome.
• 42:55
  So there is no there's only option A. Right.
• 42:57
  That whatever's happening is not happening to you, it's happening for you.
• 43:01
  So what's the miracle and the mess? Let's keep focused. Let's keep going.
• 43:03
  Let's keep coaching. Let's keep doing.
• 43:05
  Long story short, she goes out. She wants to buy a house in Maine because Maine
• 43:08
  is where she wanted to go. So she goes to Maine and she's there.
• 43:11
  She gets a phone call from a friend that says, hey, I think you should come up to New Hampshire.
• 43:15
  There's a house that I think you would really enjoy.
• 43:18
  So as she's looking at this house in Maine, this random person calls her,
• 43:21
  which again, there's no coincidences here, right?
• 43:24
  Like there's zero, So what's the chance of her being in Maine at the time?
• 43:28
  Friend calls, says there's a house that just came up. You have to see it.
• 43:30
  She goes up to New Hampshire.
• 43:32
  Sure enough, it's a house of her dreams. She buys that house,
• 43:35
  right? She had no plans of buying in New Hampshire.
• 43:37
  She had plans of buying in Maine. Anyway, she buys the house and now she's there.
• 43:41
  And again, continuing to do the work, continuing to do the work,
• 43:44
  continuing and just kind of becoming the woman, right?
• 43:47
  Becoming the one to attract the one and finding how to develop.
• 43:50
  Because I believe that in the time period between where we are and when we meet
• 43:55
  the person that we are going to be sharing our life with, that is a very gracious
• 43:59
  time that we have that God has given us to really learn who we are.
• 44:04
  And to really develop our new identity, not of the woman we were,
• 44:07
  but the woman we're becoming.
• 44:08
  So anyway, she buys his house and now she needs some repairs and she hires a
• 44:12
  handyman and the handyman comes. No, he comes handyman.
• 44:15
  Yes, the handyman comes for whatever reason. He's a terrible handyman. Something happened.
• 44:19
  He never comes back, just something crazy. So this other handyman comes.
• 44:24
  Now, when he came, she was like a little spark. You know, you feel like a little like.
• 44:28
  I don't sound like a little spark.
• 44:30
  No. Like a little spark. Now, mind you, because a lot of women will say,
• 44:34
  Donna, where am I going to meet this person? A town with two.
• 44:37
  It's me, my cat and my mother.
• 44:38
  Like that's the town population, right? I don't know. And how am I going to meet people online?
• 44:43
  And I always say your right partner is not going to come to you through the apps.
• 44:47
  You can absolutely use the apps. but I like to meet partners organically and
• 44:51
  naturally because you're magnetically attracting them in, right?
• 44:55
  The flower doesn't go to the bee. The bee goes to the flower. You become the flower.
• 44:59
  You become the magnetic attraction. And that's what Lori was.
• 45:02
  So anyway, with that said, this new guy comes in and they had really great conversation,
• 45:05
  but he finishes the job, does it well, he leaves.
• 45:08
  Now she's a writer and she gets called to do a, what do you call it,
• 45:13
  a reading? I guess you could say she gets called to read part of her work.
• 45:16
  And afterwards, she notices this handyman guy came to see her.
• 45:19
  Right? That's what I said. I'm like...
• 45:23
  I know, my girl. So she goes over and she has a conversation with him.
• 45:27
  And he's like, I actually, from the first time I know you, I really respect your work.
• 45:31
  And I have kind of like feelings for you. I really I liked you, but I'm a professional.
• 45:36
  I didn't want to come in. I wanted to come and make sure I did the work well.
• 45:39
  And I didn't want to mix business with pleasure. And then so she confessed to
• 45:43
  him how she kind of had a crush on him.
• 45:45
  And she on her sixth birthday or that year she turned 70. They were married.
• 45:49
  Oh, that's super sweet. That's lovely.
• 45:53
  When I say to you, happy and love, happy and love.
• 45:58
  They are. And she did not use the dating apps. She didn't go out there to try
• 46:02
  to find things. She continued to work on herself.
• 46:06
  She continued even there were there were a couple of pity parties we had to
• 46:09
  deal with over the time. Right. But we took the 48 hours.
• 46:12
  We don't. But that was just another layer of trauma that was coming up that
• 46:16
  we had to deal with. And then once that was done, you know, maybe another layer
• 46:20
  came up that we had to deal with.
• 46:21
  But it was like that when she met him.
• 46:25
  And now, you know, that story always is going to be one of the nearest and dearest
• 46:30
  stories. Maybe that will be her next book. Yeah.
• 46:35
  So are you saying like, as a woman, you have to continue work on yourself and
• 46:40
  that will attract another person?
• 46:42
  I did the dating apps for a little bit. And I think I did the dating apps and
• 46:47
  I talked to my coach about it that I was so out of practice dating that I just
• 46:52
  want to get back and practice.
• 46:53
  And I hadn't kissed another man in a long time, what, 28 years.
• 46:56
  So I needed to learn how to date and also kiss a man and see if I could get back in flow.
• 47:05
  And what I found is that the dating apps were OK, but I would say three quarters
• 47:09
  of the guys on there are damaged and they want to use women as their therapist.
• 47:14
  They don't want to care for therapy. Yes.
• 47:17
  Not against dating apps, because I think dating apps could be,
• 47:20
  we are an electronic world, and I think they could be a good tool to use in
• 47:24
  order to connect a person to a person.
• 47:26
  But historically, remember what I said earlier, is we're not attracting by what we think.
• 47:31
  We're attracting by who we are in our heart and our energetic frequency.
• 47:34
  So if we're going into a dating app, we're using our brain to look at what his profile looks like.
• 47:39
  We're trying to use our brain to figure it out versus the heart.
• 47:42
  The heart. Right? And then intuition.
• 47:43
  So inherently, if you haven't done the work to heal your soul fracture and become
• 47:49
  the highest version of yourself first, where you truly are loving life.
• 47:53
  Like I have so many women who graduate the program who say, I thought I wanted
• 47:56
  to go right away into dating. I don't because I'm loving my life so much.
• 47:59
  I want to enjoy this time, right?
• 48:01
  If you're not in that space, you will attract the men, right?
• 48:05
  Who might be damaged, might are looking for a therapist, looking for sex, whatever it is.
• 48:10
  And if you haven't done the work That could be devastating to you because you
• 48:14
  don't have the resilience to handle the rejection or just the insaneness of
• 48:19
  someone who's not healthy, right? Because remember, hurt people hurt people.
• 48:24
  So now you have a man who could be hurtful. And if you haven't done the work
• 48:28
  and your value and your worth and your confidence, now here you go.
• 48:32
  Like, you know, your ex-husband used to call you X, Y, and Z.
• 48:35
  You finally think, oh, I healed it. Now you go on the apps and you see the same thing.
• 48:39
  That could take a woman down fast. Well, when I was on the apps,
• 48:42
  I'm not really on them now anymore.
• 48:44
  Every time I'll turn it on for a day and I'm like, oh, I don't want to do that.
• 48:46
  But when I was on the apps, like every day,
• 48:50
  I would find that I would filter through thousands and I'm talking thousands
• 48:53
  of thousands because I'm in a bigger metropolitan area and I would filter through thousands.
• 49:00
  I'd narrow it down to a handful, maybe a few dozen.
• 49:04
  And then from that few dozen, I talked to them on the phone.
• 49:06
  If they'd seem right, then I would go out for coffee or a meal or something. Yep, yep.
• 49:11
  It's so funny because I was absolutely attracting similarities because like
• 49:17
  out of seven guys I dated, six of them wanted money and one of them was a constant liar.
• 49:24
  I was like, wow, I mean, this is like, no.
• 49:27
  So then I decided to get off the dating apps and the longer I'm off the dating
• 49:31
  apps, the more I feel like I'm in flow and my vibration is better.
• 49:35
  And I don't need a man. So I'm not really like, oh, I got to go find a man.
• 49:39
  But the men I'm meeting now seem to be higher quality than I was meeting on
• 49:44
  the dating apps because there's a lot of men on the dating apps.
• 49:46
  It's just not such great quality.
• 49:49
  I think people, the men on the dating app, like you said, they're just looking
• 49:52
  for another type of therapy that they didn't have to pay for.
• 49:55
  You know, they're just looking for the quick sack or something, I think.
• 49:59
  And I mean, listen, like if the way that I look at it is this way.
• 50:02
  If you're a good woman, right, you have a good heart. You've got,
• 50:07
  you know, you're successful at work. You've got good plans for your future.
• 50:11
  You've got good family and good friends. So there are men out there,
• 50:15
  just like you are, that are on that dating app, right?
• 50:17
  There are good men out there who are on the dating app. However, the majority of,
• 50:22
  of men are not. I agree. And if you haven't done the work on yourself to discern
• 50:30
  and you go in dating without a strategy, see, what I teach you how to do is
• 50:34
  I teach you how to create your manifestation list.
• 50:36
  So you have a strategy of this is who I am. This is who I'm looking for.
• 50:39
  And if that person is not meeting 95% of your list, you move on.
• 50:43
  You don't hope that we could change him or hope that things will change or maybe
• 50:47
  I'll give him a second chance. That was what we used to do.
• 50:50
  And now it's more of like we're removing the emotion. And I don't even call
• 50:54
  it dating. I call it data collection.
• 50:56
  I call it when you're going out there and you're meeting people, it's data collection.
• 51:00
  You're deciding like, hey, listen, is this a person whom I want to stay connected
• 51:04
  to? Is this a person I want to continue a conversation with?
• 51:07
  Because if we don't, then all of a sudden we get caught with this, he's the one syndrome.
• 51:12
  And then even though this person isn't necessarily what we want,
• 51:15
  we've been alone so long, we've been surviving as a camel on the emotional side, right?
• 51:20
  And so when someone shows us a little bit of attention or a little bit of love,
• 51:23
  our brain could confuse that into love, but it's not love, it's chaos.
• 51:27
  So if you haven't worked on your own shit and your own chaos,
• 51:31
  and then you won't be able to discern that.
• 51:33
  So that's why you have to be able to go in with a strategy of I'm not dating,
• 51:37
  I'm going to data collect, right?
• 51:39
  People have to earn the right to their time with me, that I'm interviewing them,
• 51:43
  they're not interviewing me.
• 51:44
  And it's okay if you have a date, like I had this one person said, I feel so bad.
• 51:48
  Like, I'm meeting these guys. They're not my matches. And that's okay.
• 51:51
  Like, it's okay if you meet someone and they don't meet your manifestation list.
• 51:56
  You just simply say, thank you so much. It was a great time.
• 51:59
  And I wish you the best on your journey. I'm going a different direction.
• 52:02
  One of the things you guys also taught me was to have boundaries.
• 52:05
  We need boundaries. Yes. And standards. Standards.
• 52:08
  Standards and boundaries are big things. I dropped them when I was married.
• 52:12
  Do we even have them? Like, let's be real, girls. I don't know if I even had
• 52:15
  a standard or a boundary when I was married. Did I have that? Yeah.
• 52:19
  And they walk, a lot of times they'll walk over you and lose yourself because
• 52:22
  you don't have boundaries.
• 52:23
  So when I have dated on the dating apps, one of the nice things is if they're
• 52:27
  not a fit, I just let them know.
• 52:30
  And I send them a nice little text or a voice message and say,
• 52:33
  you know, I just don't, I'm not feeling it. And I just, I let them go.
• 52:36
  Whereas before I would have tried to, you know, reason with myself and make
• 52:40
  excuses for them. and they're bad.
• 52:43
  Isn't that fascinating how we, because we don't want to hurt people's feelings, right?
• 52:46
  Even if a girlfriend invites us to something and we don't want to go,
• 52:49
  we'll have, you know, the excuse of the reasons why and what's going on.
• 52:53
  We're really, a simple no is a perfect answer.
• 52:56
  I'm sorry I'm unable to make it. Where can I send the gift? And that's it.
• 52:59
  We don't have to explain. We don't have to do.
• 53:01
  And it's the same thing here is I actually recommend, that's why I say data
• 53:04
  collection versus dating is if you only are dating one person,
• 53:08
  you're going to get he's the one syndrome, right? Because you're going to get
• 53:11
  used to this person, even if they're not the right match for you.
• 53:14
  So what I recommend is actually meeting different people, but data collecting.
• 53:18
  So a lot of women will say, well, Donna, I can't date multiple men.
• 53:21
  Like that makes me a whatever you want to call it.
• 53:24
  And I'll say, no, it's not about dating multiple men. It's it's about meeting people.
• 53:28
  And if even even if getting the data and I often say, too, to women,
• 53:33
  if you haven't dated in years, if you haven't dated since high school.
• 53:36
  Right. If you haven't gone out there and met someone, start meeting friends first.
• 53:41
  Say yes to dates when a friend say, hey, do you want to do this or do you want
• 53:44
  to do it? Say yes and go out with your friend because there's no competition. You're not worried.
• 53:48
  So you could get used to going out again and used to getting on a schedule.
• 53:52
  And then again, data collection. You're meeting them. You're learning.
• 53:55
  You're making determinations.
• 53:57
  And what I will say is that in my kind of experience and even in my own experience,
• 54:02
  let's say we have our manifestation list, right?
• 54:05
  So it's not a manifestation list. It's a manifestation list.
• 54:08
  So for Michael, on my list was someone who was loyal, someone who was emotionally
• 54:13
  available, made over $200,000 a year.
• 54:16
  Was honest, had friends he could since childhood, that I wasn't going to get
• 54:22
  pulled aside in a bar and saying, this guy's a real, you know, you got to keep going.
• 54:25
  Like I would get pulled aside and say, hey, listen, this guy's a good guy.
• 54:28
  Like he's like, that's what I wanted. Right. Someone who was on time,
• 54:31
  someone who was good with kids, someone who liked travels.
• 54:34
  And I just went down the list of all the things that were important.
• 54:37
  And if someone didn't meet that list, that part of the list,
• 54:40
  I wouldn't have a connection.
• 54:42
  But let's just say someone did meet that part of the list, I would meet them again.
• 54:45
  But then I would say, like, say, for instance, I said I wanted someone who enjoys movies.
• 54:50
  Now I go out and I meet someone who loves movies just as much as I do.
• 54:54
  However, they like to see the 12 p.m. show at night and I like to see the 10
• 54:58
  a.m. show in the morning because I'm a morning person.
• 55:01
  Now I have to go back and readjust my manifestation list to say I'm going to
• 55:04
  attract someone in who enjoys going to the movies during the day.
• 55:07
  Do you see? So sometimes we need reiterations of our manifestation list.
• 55:11
  And usually by the third to fourth reiteration, we have a very clear picture of who it is we want.
• 55:16
  And that's usually when our partner will fall into our lap, like literally come out of nowhere.
• 55:20
  We'll come in when we're very clear on that list. You know, the manifestation
• 55:23
  list was one of the homework assignments.
• 55:25
  So one of the nice thing is when you say do the work, it's not like you just
• 55:30
  go listen to a coaching call and then have your one-on-one coaching call and then you're done.
• 55:35
  There's homework. And that was the part of your system that was brilliant.
• 55:40
  Yeah. Because you could tell the people that were doing the homework and the
• 55:43
  ones that weren't that's right you know you know and if you're not doing the
• 55:46
  homework like you've got it you've got to do the homework and there was like
• 55:50
  one week where i had to like do the double it up because i missed a week because
• 55:52
  i went on a trip but if if you do the homework and i was a good student i was
• 55:57
  a really diligent student if you do the homework and there's a
• 56:01
  method to the madness and the flow and
• 56:04
  it's almost like you're building the foundation and then
• 56:07
  once you get the foundation up then we're rebuilding the walls of
• 56:10
  your soul and your emotions and each step
• 56:13
  takes you to the next level and it does help you heal through your process in
• 56:18
  a much faster way than I ever could have thought of doing on my own and I know
• 56:22
  that because I was stuck in a way that I wasn't moving forward and so that if
• 56:27
  I don't know if you're still doing the same process. But if you could kind of
• 56:30
  speak to that a little bit.
• 56:31
  Yes. So we are doing the same process and we're also doing a little bit of a different process.
• 56:36
  So what you were talking about is the core part of the work I do,
• 56:39
  which is the Divorcing Gracefully and Beyond 12-week program.
• 56:42
  And this is for women who, like you, who are coming in with a very clear decision
• 56:47
  that we don't want to wait years and years to heal.
• 56:50
  We know where we've been. We know where we want to go. We just don't know the
• 56:54
  how. We understand where we've been and we understand what it is we want.
• 56:57
  Now it's figuring out how do I get there, right? What are those steps?
• 57:01
  And this is a community of women where you come together. It is a sisterhood.
• 57:04
  We are together for three months where there's weekly group coaching calls,
• 57:08
  where you're with your sisters and you're with your family.
• 57:11
  And this is not a community of women who are complainers and a community of
• 57:15
  women who are looking to talk about each other. This is a community of women.
• 57:19
  It's the highest level executive coaching you could get on the personal side
• 57:22
  because we're committed to the outcome. We want not only the healing and the
• 57:26
  love in our life, we want the outcome for our family to change that for generations to come.
• 57:31
  So there has to be the combination, right? So the group coaching is the familial part.
• 57:36
  This is where you're joining a sisterhood and you're joining a family of other women just like you.
• 57:39
  So you don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed and where you can't stand up
• 57:43
  in a boardroom and say, hey, listen, my life is falling apart.
• 57:46
  In this room, you can. And also, if you say, hey, listen, I want to create a
• 57:50
  life of love and I want to create a business of $10, we're going to support you.
• 57:55
  And you could also go right in that room and say, hey, I want to reach millions
• 57:57
  of people. I want to have a business that's $100 million.
• 58:00
  We're going to say, great, we're going to support you. Do you follow?
• 58:03
  Like, there's no judgment because everybody has their own story of what's important
• 58:07
  to them and every story is important. And so with that, you have to have the group coaching.
• 58:11
  And then the individual coaching is so incredibly important because we all have
• 58:15
  our own little nuances that we need. You can't see the label through the jar.
• 58:19
  We need we need that person to say, hey, I see it. Do you see it this way?
• 58:22
  Or, hey, listen, I see you're going down this way. But I think if you add this
• 58:26
  is going to make it that much better.
• 58:28
  So we become aware. And then, of course, it's the training modules.
• 58:31
  So that's the training modules are what actually get into the subconscious and
• 58:36
  begin to change those neural pathways. And you have to be consistent with the training modules, too.
• 58:42
  It's the consistency that really does make the difference.
• 58:47
  You can't do it on Monday, the whole week's worth of stuff, because...
• 58:53
  When you do it on Monday, the whole week's worth of stuff, you're not actually
• 58:56
  reprogramming your mind because I think a lot of it is you have to reprogram
• 59:00
  your subconscious that you're on your own now and that's the way it is.
• 59:04
  But there's nothing wrong with that if you love yourself.
• 59:07
  No, and I would even venture to say, and this is just like this is going to
• 59:10
  give an example of just how language is so important.
• 59:14
  No one has to do anything. So you don't have to reprogram your mind,
• 59:17
  right? Like everybody has a choice. Like this is so incredibly important to understand.
• 59:20
  We never have to do anything.
• 59:23
  We could choose to stay the way we're living and the life that we're living
• 59:26
  and the way that we're doing it, or we could choose to make a change.
• 59:29
  So when we understand that the way to get to the life and the love that we want
• 59:35
  doesn't have to be hard and arduous and painful and suffering,
• 59:39
  that we actually can choose a path that yes, it's work, but it's work that releases.
• 59:44
  It's work that actually gives us energy and that we're choosing to reprogram
• 59:48
  the brain because now we know when we reprogram the brain and we give it a different
• 59:53
  program, it's going to give us a different output, right? I want you to think
• 59:56
  about yourself as a movie projector.
• 59:58
  You are the film, but you need the projector in order to project the image.
• 1:00:03
  And then you need God, universe, and source's light to shine through the film,
• 1:00:07
  to project it on the wall, which manifests it into reality.
• 1:00:11
  So if you just, number one, if you don't have a film, what are you projecting?
• 1:00:17
  You're going to project someone else's thoughts, feelings, and desires for your
• 1:00:20
  life because someone's going to take that over for you, right?
• 1:00:22
  So if you don't have a very clear desire and a want of who you are and what
• 1:00:26
  you want, someone else's film is playing in your life and you will constantly
• 1:00:30
  be behind the ball wondering why is my life not working out?
• 1:00:33
  Why is everybody else getting what they're getting?
• 1:00:35
  And why am I always left behind? Why is it not working for me?
• 1:00:38
  It's because you never sat down to really clearly define who you are and what you want.
• 1:00:42
  So you've got to define that. So you actually have training modules.
• 1:00:46
  So how would you know how many training modules fit for this person and fit
• 1:00:50
  for that? Everybody goes through the same ones.
• 1:00:52
  They all go through the same one. Same ones, yeah. It's a system that is proven.
• 1:00:56
  I mean, honestly, if you follow the system, you'll... I always say that.
• 1:01:00
  If you follow the system, you follow the process, you show up,
• 1:01:04
  you make the commitment, you go through the modules, you come to the group coaching
• 1:01:07
  calls, you come to your one-to-ones, there's a 100% chance of success rate.
• 1:01:12
  Yeah, I agree. But if you don't, then it could be anything, right?
• 1:01:18
  If you don't, then it could be because this is not ready. They may not be ready
• 1:01:21
  to heal. They may not be ready.
• 1:01:23
  Yes, yes. And there are some women, and I will say this for myself,
• 1:01:27
  I was more a tortoise than I was a hare.
• 1:01:30
  And sometimes I could go through a particular content with no problem.
• 1:01:35
  But there was, let's say there's forgiveness, and then there's trust,
• 1:01:38
  and then there's visioning.
• 1:01:39
  I may be able to move through forgiveness, no problem. But the trust module
• 1:01:43
  may have caught me for months at a time because I just wasn't able to move through
• 1:01:48
  it. So no woman is ever behind and no woman is ahead. She's always on time.
• 1:01:54
  But I have a theory, we do not give up. And that's where, you know, there's no giving up.
• 1:01:58
  And there is no shame if you need a little more time, right?
• 1:02:01
  That's where the alumni program comes in. There is no shame if you need to go through the program.
• 1:02:05
  Many women will go through the program 12 weeks and then re-go through it again another 12 weeks.
• 1:02:09
  That's the way that I am. Because I like to go through something and then I
• 1:02:13
  like to go through it again to really get it into my system.
• 1:02:16
  But the only difference between a woman who has the life and the love that she
• 1:02:20
  wants and the woman who doesn't is a decision, truly, and then doing the things
• 1:02:24
  that you need to do in order to get there. You've got to be willing to choose you.
• 1:02:30
  And so this is the number one thing that I think really makes us turn in a woman's
• 1:02:34
  life is we often choose others and we often put our family and our friends in
• 1:02:38
  front of ourself, but this is a part of your journey.
• 1:02:40
  You're not looking for someone to start a life with and have babies with and
• 1:02:44
  create, you know, that earlier part of your life. You're looking for a companion
• 1:02:47
  to walk this life with and you don't need certain things that you used to need in the past.
• 1:02:53
  So what we're looking for is that soul partner that's the compatibility that's
• 1:02:58
  the companionship right that's the love so you could be adored and cherished
• 1:03:02
  and treasured because that's one thing that we didn't have and that's our birthright as a woman,
• 1:03:08
  To be in a partnership with a man who adores, cherishes, and treasures you.
• 1:03:13
  You've got to do that to yourself first. Diva Cat over here keeps trying to
• 1:03:17
  set me up. And I'm like, I don't need to set up. It's just going to happen.
• 1:03:20
  I truly believe that when it's time, it's just going to happen.
• 1:03:24
  And I think I still have a little bit of work to do. I think it's a process.
• 1:03:29
  And I'm still tweaking here and there. I find something. I'm like,
• 1:03:32
  oh, I didn't realize that that was still a little issue for me.
• 1:03:35
  That happened. But I would say if she's willing to go out with them,
• 1:03:40
  meet them, you have nothing to lose.
• 1:03:42
  Because again, you're not being set up. I'm often just seeing people.
• 1:03:44
  It's just I don't need to. And I'm okay just by myself for now.
• 1:03:49
  Yeah. And you'll know. You'll know when your heart knows, like, okay, I'm ready.
• 1:03:55
  I'm ready to really open it up. What I like to say is that formula,
• 1:03:59
  right? Let's go back to the original Divorcing Gracefully and Beyond 12 Week program.
• 1:04:03
  The formula is this. When we've done the work, let me actually take a step back
• 1:04:07
  because I love metaphorical examples.
• 1:04:10
  This is where I get excited. So let's say we're a woman and we're in a human
• 1:04:14
  resource office, right?
• 1:04:15
  And we walk by a job posting and the job posting has 10 qualifications.
• 1:04:20
  We have 9.5 of those qualifications. We will say, OK, I'm going to go and fix
• 1:04:25
  that 0.5 and then I'll apply for a job, right? No, the men, or we don't,
• 1:04:31
  or we just never even do, right?
• 1:04:32
  The men will walk by and say, same 10 qualifications. Oh, I have three,
• 1:04:36
  great, I'm gonna apply for the job. They just do it anyway.
• 1:04:39
  So what I like to say is we don't put when we're ready in our own hands.
• 1:04:45
  What we say is, I have done the work and God, universe and source,
• 1:04:49
  I am ready when you are ready.
• 1:04:51
  And so my door is open. So I am not going to over-qualify myself or under-qualify
• 1:04:57
  myself because we could forever not be ready or be ready.
• 1:05:00
  Do you follow what I'm saying? So when we just say, hey, listen.
• 1:05:03
  Like exactly what you're saying, Maria, I'm gonna show up and I'm just gonna be me.
• 1:05:06
  I'm gonna enjoy my life. I'm also gonna focus on the things that are being mirrored
• 1:05:10
  back to me of my own work that I still may need to focus on.
• 1:05:14
  And again, good word, not but.
• 1:05:16
  And God, universe, and source, I am open.
• 1:05:19
  Bring him to me when we're energetically, divinely meant to connect because
• 1:05:24
  it's not if I meet him, it's when.
• 1:05:26
  And so I'm ready. When you are ready, I am ready. One of the things I will say
• 1:05:29
  about the dating that I have done is that I have had a few good ones.
• 1:05:34
  And they were good. They weren't great.
• 1:05:36
  But it allowed me to learn more about what I really want. That's the data collection.
• 1:05:41
  You go back to your list. Yeah, it was true data collection.
• 1:05:43
  Yeah, because now I'm like, oh, if I could take this, this, and this from that
• 1:05:46
  guy, and this, this, and this from that guy, then I'd have my perfect one.
• 1:05:50
  So it helps me further. Yes, yep. Going forward, do you see yourself ever coaching men?
• 1:05:57
  Yes and no. So there is a.
• 1:06:01
  And I have coached men and I continue to on a one-to-one basis,
• 1:06:05
  right? I will work with certain men.
• 1:06:07
  However, my mission truly is a woman's heart. I believe I was here to heal the woman.
• 1:06:12
  So it's not like I can't and it's not like we won't at one particular time.
• 1:06:16
  But right now, that is not my focus.
• 1:06:17
  My focus is to heal the heart of a woman. I see.
• 1:06:20
  I have seen there's coaching programs for men and they're more geared to coming
• 1:06:25
  back to their masculinity, which I am a big fan of because I realized that I
• 1:06:30
  was very masculine in my last relationship because I had to be.
• 1:06:34
  Yeah, it's good for us to come to our femininity, right? So it's good for them
• 1:06:37
  to go to their masculinity and us to our femininity. Exactly.
• 1:06:41
  Yeah. I think the best relationship, especially for women who are successful
• 1:06:46
  at work, is you want to be able to hold your level of success at work and have
• 1:06:50
  your partner not be emasculated by that and actually celebrate that and actually add to that.
• 1:06:56
  But then also when you're home, sometimes you need to lean into your partner
• 1:06:59
  and to feel safe that he's got you and that he's able to go tap into that part of you, right?
• 1:07:05
  And love you and honor you and cherish you and adore you in your femininity.
• 1:07:09
  Because as women, we need to balance that, right?
• 1:07:12
  You have to balance. I have to balance. It's all balance. I'm a.
• 1:07:17
  Yes, there really is. That balance is something that needs to be developed.
• 1:07:22
  It does. Right? I'm working on it. I went out with a man, speaking of the things
• 1:07:26
  that you like, who was extremely chivalrous and was very respectful.
• 1:07:31
  And it was a shock to me because I had an everything. She didn't know how to do that.
• 1:07:35
  I didn't know how to behave. I think I did okay. You don't. Oh, you did good.
• 1:07:38
  But I've never had that interaction before. And it was amazing.
• 1:07:42
  And I'm like, okay, whoever I marry, if I get married again,
• 1:07:46
  we'll have that quality. And that needs to be on the manifestation.
• 1:07:49
  And this is the reason why I say if we if we don't decide what our film is going
• 1:07:53
  to be, that space will get filled in.
• 1:07:56
  Right. So Dave Ramsey, who is a gentleman who speaks on money and investing
• 1:08:00
  and how to save and how to live without debt.
• 1:08:02
  He always says, if you don't tell a dollar where to go, it's going to find somewhere to go.
• 1:08:06
  Right. And if we don't tell our life and our heart and our love where to go,
• 1:08:10
  see, what no one has taught us, I think, in our school and even as women,
• 1:08:14
  and not for the fault, because I just don't think people are woken up enough to understand it,
• 1:08:19
  is no one has taught us that we are to command our life.
• 1:08:22
  Hoping and praying is such an important part. I believe in hope and I believe in prayer. It works.
• 1:08:27
  However, we're not meant to just hope and pray. We are meant to command.
• 1:08:30
  And that means that I am waking up today with the command.
• 1:08:35
  God, universe, and source, that I am a woman deeply in love,
• 1:08:38
  a woman with a man who cherishes me, who adores me, with my kids who are happy,
• 1:08:43
  healthy, and whole, with God-like partners serving life healthy.
• 1:08:47
  They have communication.
• 1:08:48
  And this is where you begin to decide what it is you want in your life and what
• 1:08:52
  it is you want in your children's life to look like, and you command it.
• 1:08:56
  See, now the problem that we have as women, and I think just as humans in general,
• 1:09:00
  is we will go back in just like a chicken. You cannot eat an undercooked chicken.
• 1:09:04
  You will get sick, right? So when we put a chicken in the oven,
• 1:09:07
  we don't wonder if it's going to be cooked.
• 1:09:09
  We put it in a certain amount of time at a certain amount of temperature,
• 1:09:13
  and it has been proven to be cooked.
• 1:09:15
  Right. And so we don't have to open the oven a thousand times.
• 1:09:18
  As women, instead of just commanding and learning how to command and state what
• 1:09:22
  it is we want and leave it, we will constantly go back and check it and wonder
• 1:09:27
  and reevaluate and re-say, I want this.
• 1:09:29
  Maybe I want this. It's not showing up this way. Maybe I didn't say it right.
• 1:09:32
  Maybe I should say it this way.
• 1:09:33
  Maybe it's not going to happen. Maybe it's not going to work.
• 1:09:35
  And we constantly second guess and we constantly go in. That chicken can never cook.
• 1:09:39
  That's right. One thing I learned, though, like I've been married for 18 years.
• 1:09:44
  We've been together 25 years.
• 1:09:45
  You never second doubt on yourself. You will write that out.
• 1:09:49
  You will write that menu, and they're going to eat whatever you make. That's exactly it.
• 1:09:53
  Girl, I love you. This is it, and that's your life.
• 1:09:56
  You're commanding your life. I am making one meal. This is the only option that I have.
• 1:10:02
  Life has to, because when you put that energy and you put the command out, life must bend.
• 1:10:07
  Reality must bend. the molecules will bend on that command.
• 1:10:11
  The problem is we haven't been taught to command because that's too forceful
• 1:10:15
  and girls are supposed to be nice and that's not nice. And that's just not true.
• 1:10:20
  You know, we could be kind and we could be nice and command and to command what
• 1:10:26
  it is we want. And that's not only in life and love.
• 1:10:28
  It's commanding in work. It's commanding in income.
• 1:10:31
  It's commanding in a level of life that you're living.
• 1:10:34
  We have more power than we know. And the world kind of has taken that away from
• 1:10:39
  us because the world, if we could
• 1:10:41
  be kept sad, lonely, then we could be manipulated. We could be controlled.
• 1:10:46
  We can be used as someone else's prop instead of our own.
• 1:10:50
  When we awake to our own spirit, when we awake to the power that we really have, now we're a threat.
• 1:10:55
  That's what she said. You're the flower. You have to keep blooming and the bees will attack the bees.
• 1:11:01
  Quality bees. No, we're going to get really deep, girls.
• 1:11:05
  Are you ready to get deep on I feel like you're coaching me again right now
• 1:11:08
  because I have commanded my household.
• 1:11:12
  I have a very loving, happy family without my ex and my children are very happy.
• 1:11:17
  And it's, it's been such a wonderful, a wonderful household.
• 1:11:22
  And I think I haven't commanded that if I bring a man into it,
• 1:11:27
  and I think I had a fear that I don't want to disturb that household.
• 1:11:31
  And that's part of the reason why I haven't been jumping at dating a lot,
• 1:11:34
  because I don't I have a happy light.
• 1:11:37
  And I'm going to tell you, I didn't bring Michael into my house for at least
• 1:11:40
  a year or two years. Yeah. My kids never met him. Yeah.
• 1:11:43
  The only time the only time they met Michael was when I knew we were going to
• 1:11:47
  be married and I knew he was the one because I didn't need I didn't need my children to see that.
• 1:11:52
  And my dating and my life was separate. Yeah.
• 1:11:55
  And there are a lot of women who like to blend the families.
• 1:11:57
  They like to bring his kids and your kids and all because it just feels so nice.
• 1:12:00
  I don't necessarily align with that.
• 1:12:02
  I think before you bring someone in, you really should know that he's the one.
• 1:12:07
  So your dating shouldn't stop because of that.
• 1:12:10
  So you should date now and data collect.
• 1:12:14
  And you don't have to worry about your house being disturbed because you're
• 1:12:18
  not going to bring him home. Yes.
• 1:12:20
  For at least, like, I wouldn't bring at least six months to a year.
• 1:12:23
  I kind of have a six-month rule and nobody's made it for six months.
• 1:12:27
  Yeah. And that's why, and that's why, and that's right. Exactly.
• 1:12:30
  And so going deep, and this is the part, and maybe like you were saying,
• 1:12:34
  like you feel like I'm coaching you.
• 1:12:35
  Maybe this information is so incredibly important is because most women will look at the flower.
• 1:12:40
  Like we just said, right? We're the flower. We're going to become the flower
• 1:12:44
  and bloom so the bee could find us, right?
• 1:12:46
  Because flowers have nectar, right? We become magnetically attractive.
• 1:12:49
  We have this beautiful scent that's alluring to the right person,
• 1:12:53
  right? Which is what we want.
• 1:12:54
  However, our job isn't to focus on the flower. Our job is to focus on the soil
• 1:12:59
  that we're planted in, okay?
• 1:13:01
  Because if you think about the seed of a flower, the seed of a flower is beautiful
• 1:13:07
  not because of the flower, it's because of the soil.
• 1:13:09
  Because it has the right nutrients. It has the right water. It has the right temperature.
• 1:13:14
  So our job as women is not to worry about the flower. Our job is to worry,
• 1:13:18
  are we getting the right nutrients? Are we getting the right sleep?
• 1:13:21
  Are we getting the right health?
• 1:13:22
  Are we working on the emotions? Are we getting rid of the anger,
• 1:13:25
  the blame, and the shame?
• 1:13:26
  Are we happy? Because that will produce the flower.
• 1:13:30
  See, the flower is the actual effect of who we are.
• 1:13:35
  So our job is to really look at our soil. And that's what I would say to you
• 1:13:39
  is, what soil am I planted in? And how am I treating that soil?
• 1:13:42
  Does that soil have what I need to be the best version of myself?
• 1:13:45
  And if not, then you add to the soil because the flower will bloom.
• 1:13:49
  It also sounds like I need to redo my medication. A hundred percent.
• 1:13:53
  I would say I could tell you.
• 1:13:56
  Can I pull some cards for you? Sure. Yeah.
• 1:14:00
  Just from talking to you again, I haven't updated it in a while.
• 1:14:05
  And I've been collecting. I just haven't wrote it down.
• 1:14:08
  It's time to update. Yes. What I use these cards for, it's just a psycho-spiritual
• 1:14:13
  way to connect with angels, guides, and swords just to get energy and information that we made here.
• 1:14:18
  And I just find it interesting. But I'm just getting called to pull a card.
• 1:14:22
  But I could tell you intuitively because that's the intuition side that I have
• 1:14:26
  built on my intuition over these years.
• 1:14:28
  You 100% need to do your list. I wouldn't even look at your old list.
• 1:14:32
  Just throw it away. Start fresh. Start new.
• 1:14:36
  My list is going to be completely different because when I made the list in
• 1:14:40
  the beginning, I think that my ex had some influence on it, too.
• 1:14:44
  And it was more of a list that was anti-him.
• 1:14:48
  Well, what happens, and I'm glad that you said that, because this is where we
• 1:14:52
  could truly as women have this honest conversation without feeling like we're
• 1:14:57
  wrong or we're not smart or something's wrong.
• 1:14:59
  It's just honest. And by the way, 333 on my clock right now,
• 1:15:03
  which is God is with like, that's an angel number, 333, which is nice.
• 1:15:07
  You probably created the list from the shadow side, not the light side.
• 1:15:13
  And again, no soil. No soil.
• 1:15:16
  And that's the beauty of the awareness of being able to see it and say,
• 1:15:20
  oh, wow, if I could create a list and still get some decent conversations with
• 1:15:25
  a list that was created with depleted soil, could you imagine?
• 1:15:29
  Yeah. The conversations and the connections I could have with a good soil list.
• 1:15:34
  Right? Because we don't look at what could go wrong. We look at what happens if it goes right.
• 1:15:38
  Right. You know, a lot of times, like, I don't want to do this,
• 1:15:40
  or I don't want to do that, or I don't want to invest in myself,
• 1:15:42
  because this could go wrong, and this could be bad. But I often say is, that's fair.
• 1:15:47
  What are you doing right now? You're putting your cards? She's shuffling them.
• 1:15:51
  I'm shuffling the cards, yes. So let's just see what came up.
• 1:15:54
  That's very interesting.
• 1:15:56
  This is very interesting. Okay, so the first card that came out is,
• 1:16:00
  we're all just imposters and own it.
• 1:16:03
  Meaning, to me, we all as women learn an identity. And many times it's an identity that we did not create.
• 1:16:10
  Someone created it for us. And we have masks that we show up with in life.
• 1:16:15
  And depending upon what group you're in and what community you're in,
• 1:16:18
  you'll put the mask on and you'll play the part.
• 1:16:21
  And so that's an imposter rule. That's what I feel like.
• 1:16:23
  We're playing the part not because we want to play the part,
• 1:16:26
  but because it's what's expected of us. We have a certain role to play.
• 1:16:30
  But what happens if we weren't, if we could leave that imposter rule?
• 1:16:35
  What happens if we could leave the imposter behind and step into our authentic.
• 1:16:41
  I've been working on that, actually, because I have felt that sometimes I hold
• 1:16:45
  myself back because I'm doing stuff that other people think I should do instead
• 1:16:50
  of what I actually truly want to do. So I truly own that.
• 1:16:53
  I can totally see that. So what you're going to leave is an imposter.
• 1:16:56
  And the second card is if you don't believe in yourself, how could you expect
• 1:16:59
  anyone else to? Exactly.
• 1:17:01
  If you don't believe in yourself and the power that you have and what is possible
• 1:17:05
  for you and how beautiful and how worthy and how just that you're worthy just
• 1:17:10
  because you are, there's nothing that a woman needs to do to earn her worth.
• 1:17:14
  You were born out of love and you are.
• 1:17:17
  Someone else has placed a value on you that you are believing and that is not true. That's right.
• 1:17:23
  Somebody else needs to find you as a love and how lovable you are.
• 1:17:27
  They are not supposed. Correct. She's ready to be my maid of honor.
• 1:17:31
  And then it's remembering, and this is another important part,
• 1:17:34
  is when we're in this realm of divorce or separation or even relationships and
• 1:17:39
  marriages and making, because marriage is hard.
• 1:17:42
  It can be hard, right? Like it's anytime you're with another person,
• 1:17:44
  it could be so beautiful.
• 1:17:45
  And it comes with its own, you know, you have to learn your partner's dance.
• 1:17:49
  And you've got to learn how to honor each other and learn, you know,
• 1:17:53
  kind of where you go to for certain things and where you don't and allowing
• 1:17:57
  the person to be perfectly imperfect.
• 1:17:59
  Like none of us are perfect, right? So it's honoring that. But it's also just
• 1:18:02
  taking a moment because this is something we don't do.
• 1:18:04
  This is why I have you do the 50 reasons why I'm amazing and the three things
• 1:18:08
  that I'm grateful for today.
• 1:18:10
  And why we start off every call with celebrations is we are literally training
• 1:18:15
  our brain to look at what is right.
• 1:18:18
  Right. Because people put in your head for so long that you are broken.
• 1:18:21
  You need to fix this. You need to fix that. You don't. I don't.
• 1:18:25
  And that's why this other card is take a look around. you're lucky as shit remember
• 1:18:29
  that because you are you are,
• 1:18:31
  You are. There are women. And this is what if you are listening to this podcast,
• 1:18:35
  whoever this woman's heart is, right, when you're listening to this podcast
• 1:18:37
  and I have seen it, I have seen women and this is tragic to me.
• 1:18:41
  And this is why I think this message must get out there is I have seen women
• 1:18:44
  go to their grave never truly being loved and never loving because they they
• 1:18:50
  the fear, the worry, the doubt of doing the work or whatever.
• 1:18:53
  They just weren't able to choose themselves.
• 1:18:56
  And in this lifetime, their time expired here. Now, were they repeated in another?
• 1:19:01
  I don't know. Well, who knows what happens once we pass, right?
• 1:19:04
  But now is your appropriate time. The best time to plant a tree was yesterday,
• 1:19:08
  and the next best time is today.
• 1:19:10
  So we don't sit on our ass. We don't worry. We don't fear.
• 1:19:13
  We make a decision that our life is worth more than where we are at.
• 1:19:18
  And we do the things we need to do.
• 1:19:20
  And we take a look around and say, wait a minute, I could have been one of those
• 1:19:23
  women that just left this earth never having the chance to have love.
• 1:19:27
  And I'm not going to be one of those women.
• 1:19:29
  And I'm lucky that even though I'm not minimizing the pain or the anguish or
• 1:19:34
  the suffering, but I am celebrating it because sometimes a woman,
• 1:19:39
  the divorce is the catalyst for her to wake up. It was. I was a zombie.
• 1:19:43
  I was a walking dead. I truly was. I was just going through the motions,
• 1:19:47
  just functioning and surviving. I wasn't thriving. And I was there. Yep.
• 1:19:52
  Become a true shell. And one of the things you had mentioned,
• 1:19:56
  the three things you're grateful for.
• 1:19:58
  So I've actually changed my whole family with this. So every night before we
• 1:20:01
  go to bed, each of us, me and both of my children, we do three things that went well today.
• 1:20:07
  Yes. And then we do three things that we're grateful for. And then three things
• 1:20:11
  that we want to manifest as if they have already occurred.
• 1:20:15
  And then one thing that went terrible today that we learned a really good lesson from.
• 1:20:20
  Yes. I call that Groundhog Day. I love Groundhog Day. It's when you look and
• 1:20:24
  say, what did I learn from this?
• 1:20:26
  And then we pray. And we call it puritime, but it's the whole process.
• 1:20:30
  And each of us goes through our things.
• 1:20:32
  Now, sometimes I will say they could just go through the motions,
• 1:20:34
  but on good days, they are just so grateful. And I will say,
• 1:20:38
  the next day is even better.
• 1:20:40
  So it's, I mean, it's impacted my whole family and it has brought us closer together as well.
• 1:20:47
  And I think it's, it's important to, the coaching doesn't just impact you,
• 1:20:50
  it's going to impact your whole family.
• 1:20:52
  And it might impact other women. And their family, because now they,
• 1:20:56
  now they have become accustomed to this. This is their new normal.
• 1:20:58
  So when they go on, if they choose to be married and have children,
• 1:21:01
  they will follow the same practices.
• 1:21:03
  And they say, mom, it's part time. They tell me, I'm like, oh yeah,
• 1:21:05
  you're Right. It's part time. So, yeah.
• 1:21:08
  That's awesome. Good job, girl. Good job. Proud of you. Yeah.
• 1:21:12
  Proud of you because we...
• 1:21:14
  And I'm just going to share this. This is a, I don't know, I don't know if I
• 1:21:17
  want to call it a confession or something, but I think it's just the real raw truth.
• 1:21:20
  I never wanted to be a business owner, a leader.
• 1:21:24
  I wanted to be a stay at home. I chose accounting when I first came out of college
• 1:21:27
  because in my mind, I could create a little office off the house and I would
• 1:21:31
  be the mom that would still work, but be home with the kids.
• 1:21:34
  And I have the 2.4 children and the picket fence. I'd be a millionaire by the time I was 22.
• 1:21:38
  Like, this is the things I was thinking, right? Like, my life would be perfect.
• 1:21:41
  And that I would have a husband who would take care of me and adore me and love me.
• 1:21:45
  I'm 54 years old, and that just does never have happened to me, right?
• 1:21:50
  And I'm not saying my husband now doesn't love and adore me. He does.
• 1:21:53
  Like, we have an amazing marriage, but I'm still—like, part of my mission is where I am.
• 1:21:57
  And I think God knew that that wasn't what his plan was for me.
• 1:22:02
  It was what my plan was. And when I surrendered to the real mission of what
• 1:22:07
  I was supposed to be doing, and not in a bad way, but a good way,
• 1:22:10
  that's when life really became good.
• 1:22:12
  A lot of times we think when we surrender, it's a weakness, but actually it's a strength, right?
• 1:22:16
  It's where life opens up and it's where things happen and it's where flow begins.
• 1:22:21
  It's where you see the signs. You have to look for the signs and call it.
• 1:22:24
  Yes, and it's such a different place to be because you may have a vision of
• 1:22:29
  what you think is good for you, but it's understanding that your intuition is
• 1:22:34
  always gonna guide you in what is the best for you, the highest level.
• 1:22:37
  And it may not match what you think it is.
• 1:22:39
  And if you resist that or if you fight it, you're going to have a miserable time. Yes.
• 1:22:44
  I feel like I'm reinventing myself as well into a whole different realm,
• 1:22:50
  into stuff that just makes me happy because I'm just following the signs and
• 1:22:53
  I'm going with the flow and I've never been that way.
• 1:22:56
  It's so much easier. It is easier. You know what, and this is the part too,
• 1:22:58
  when you think about it, like when you follow your heart and you follow the
• 1:23:03
  signs and you heal your heart and you're changing the family trajectory And
• 1:23:06
  you see how it's impacting your children and family and friends.
• 1:23:09
  And you could look and it's almost, it's like it's easy to.
• 1:23:13
  And you're like, wait a minute, I could get this outcome and life could be this
• 1:23:16
  good without the trauma, without the stress, without the fighting,
• 1:23:20
  without all like, wow, like I could really it's almost thinking like it's something
• 1:23:24
  it feels like upside down world.
• 1:23:26
  But the real truth is this is this is the way life was supposed to be.
• 1:23:29
  It wasn't supposed to be that other way that we were living.
• 1:23:32
  We just tolerated something for way too long. And Katana was blessed.
• 1:23:35
  Her and her husband, they have a beautiful marriage, but she waited.
• 1:23:39
  I think a lot of times we get married so young in life that sometimes people just grow apart, too.
• 1:23:46
  And then people stay in the marriage longer than its expiration date where she
• 1:23:50
  waited. And then she found love in a true way.
• 1:23:54
  And she didn't think about it logically like I did. She thought about it with her heart.
• 1:23:58
  And that's exactly what we teach at Divorcing Gracefully and Beyond.
• 1:24:02
  And the Donna Rae method for finding love, it's following that heart.
• 1:24:05
  When you can take the baggage off the heart, I have a little joke that says,
• 1:24:09
  I have a washboard stomach.
• 1:24:11
  I just have a couple of loads of laundry on it right now, right?
• 1:24:14
  It's the same thing with the heart, is that our heart is so open to guiding
• 1:24:18
  you to exactly the right path for you, but there's so many loads of laundry
• 1:24:23
  on it from past hurts, from people who weren't true to you,
• 1:24:27
  and we begin to make meaning of the situation.
• 1:24:30
  We begin to create the stories, and a lot of it's not based in fact. It's based in feeling.
• 1:24:36
  So when we could get rid of that and we could recalibrate ourselves and realign
• 1:24:41
  ourself with our true spirit and activate that soul, that vision is a crystal clear path.
• 1:24:49
  It just, life happens for you and it becomes easy. And that's my wish for every
• 1:24:53
  woman is to get out of the struggle, is to get out of the suffering,
• 1:24:56
  to get out of this feeling of life is happening to you and that all of the things are,
• 1:25:01
  you know, all of the sadness and the devastation of a family unit.
• 1:25:05
  It doesn't have to be that way.
• 1:25:06
  Yes. Is there anything else about your process that you want people to know? I would say...
• 1:25:12
  It truly is a spiritual process, I would say. Put aside religion.
• 1:25:15
  It's not about religion.
• 1:25:16
  I do believe that this process, the combination of science, the combination
• 1:25:21
  of spirit, and the combination of determination, and just having someone on
• 1:25:26
  your side cheerleading you, I think is so incredibly important because we can't do this work alone.
• 1:25:31
  I have seen so many women, and again, incredibly amazing women,
• 1:25:35
  all ages, all races, all sizes, all intellectual abilities, every woman.
• 1:25:41
  And there's no one I've seen that could do this alone.
• 1:25:43
  So the other thing about the process is understanding that what you've been
• 1:25:47
  through is, again, just an event. It's not who you are.
• 1:25:50
  It doesn't define your abilities of what is possible for you.
• 1:25:53
  But you've got to be willing to take ownership of your life and make a different
• 1:25:57
  decision and don't wait to do the work.
• 1:26:00
  That's why I created the Donna Rae Method for Finding Love Again,
• 1:26:03
  which is for women who may not want to fully invest in the full 12-week program,
• 1:26:08
  which you have been through. This is a $47 a month membership model that has
• 1:26:12
  preloaded materials and trainings.
• 1:26:15
  And do you guys believe in this
• 1:26:17
  about how just the frequency of a teaching could change a person, right?
• 1:26:22
  The frequency of sound and the frequency of a training and the teaching could
• 1:26:25
  literally begin to change the inside.
• 1:26:27
  That's what the Donna Rae method for finding love again is, right?
• 1:26:31
  Trainings are preloaded in this membership module. We have two calls every single
• 1:26:35
  month, but it's a great way to begin to expose yourself to this new way of being
• 1:26:40
  that this can be possible for you and you can get the training.
• 1:26:43
  And should you wish to go onto the one-to-one coaching, you just reach out to
• 1:26:46
  me, we get on a call, and then we decide what the next best step is.
• 1:26:50
  So there's two tracks you could go into.
• 1:26:52
  You could go into the one-to-one right away or you could go into the membership.
• 1:26:55
  Well, that's very affordable. I mean, honestly, if you think about how much
• 1:26:59
  money you're going to waste by not healing and being stuck, it's so much more affordable.
• 1:27:05
  I can't even. It's more than McDonald's. Well, it's more than a, exactly.
• 1:27:09
  It's like a DoorDash order, right? Like, I ordered McDonald's. $55. $55.
• 1:27:14
  I'm serious, right? How crazy is that, that you go to McDonald's now?
• 1:27:18
  I go to a diner. We went to a diner. I decided to take my mother out and we
• 1:27:22
  decided, I just got eggs. I didn't even get anything fancy.
• 1:27:24
  My mom got eggs. I got eggs. It was like 70 bucks. Yeah.
• 1:27:27
  I'm like, I am going to go buy a dozen eggs and I'm coming to your house because I refuse.
• 1:27:31
  Like just out of principle, I am not spending $75 at a diner. This is insane.
• 1:27:35
  So yes, the way that I have it structured is a way for women to come in because
• 1:27:40
  there is no woman, if you are hurting, if there is a woman out there that is
• 1:27:43
  hurting, if her life isn't where she wants it to be.
• 1:27:47
  That's one woman too many, right?
• 1:27:50
  And just as Jesus would have left the, you know, the hundred or the 99 to go
• 1:27:54
  find the one, that one person is so incredibly important to me.
• 1:27:57
  And so I needed to, and this is where God sort of directed me and guided me
• 1:28:01
  to create this new model because we are in a new earth, my friends.
• 1:28:04
  Like we're entering into a new timeline.
• 1:28:06
  We're entering into, so not so much information, but we're entering into a timeline
• 1:28:10
  of connection and transformation and awareness and fast transformation, right?
• 1:28:17
  And so you don't have to, this work literally does not have to take years.
• 1:28:21
  You could heal in months. And I mean that like literally in months.
• 1:28:24
  And Maria, you could attest to that.
• 1:28:25
  Do not believe when people say like, I know divorce care and I'm not saying
• 1:28:30
  anything negative about divorce care because I believe it has a purpose for certain people's life.
• 1:28:36
  But the first thing that they tell you when you go in there is you're broken
• 1:28:38
  and that it's going to take you half the amount of years you were married in order to heal.
• 1:28:42
  Yeah, that scared me. That one quote terrified me.
• 1:28:46
  I'm thinking, but to me, like, again, like I, again, I honor a church and I
• 1:28:51
  honor what they're doing because they're trying to help, but they're not giving
• 1:28:54
  correct information, right? Because I, that's just simply untrue.
• 1:28:58
  It's just because we have data to support that that is untrue.
• 1:29:02
  Right. We could do it in 12 weeks, right? And so this is the reason why I went
• 1:29:06
  back to school to become a social worker and a therapist and to blend all of
• 1:29:09
  the pieces because I just didn't
• 1:29:11
  want to be a person who just hung up a shingle and said, I'm a coach.
• 1:29:14
  I wanted to be the person who actually had the training and the skills behind
• 1:29:18
  it to prove and to say, like, that's untrue.
• 1:29:21
  Like, we could refute that because we have the data to know.
• 1:29:24
  So don't believe that. Yeah, I will say.
• 1:29:27
  I didn't date during the coaching at all. So I. What was that?
• 1:29:31
  I didn't hear what you said.
• 1:29:32
  During the 12 weeks. Right. That's another thing we ask not to do.
• 1:29:35
  We ask not to date because you're dating yourself during those 12 weeks you're dating yourself.
• 1:29:41
  But when I got done with the 12 weeks, I ran out there and got a date.
• 1:29:45
  Yep. And it was terrible.
• 1:29:48
  It was fun, but it wasn't a good date. You're not alone.
• 1:29:51
  So a lot of people will do the same thing. And granted, I did the same thing too years ago, right?
• 1:29:56
  But what I love about it is because you have done the work and because you have
• 1:30:01
  a strategy and because you have a structure, even though you went out there
• 1:30:05
  and you found, okay, this is not what I want, this didn't destroy you.
• 1:30:09
  No. It gave you information and it gave you data to say, okay,
• 1:30:12
  I need to maybe not go from zero to 100.
• 1:30:15
  I maybe need to like slow my roll a little bit. I need to follow,
• 1:30:19
  you know, I need to go back to myself.
• 1:30:21
  I need to get, so it teaches you. It was a growth and a learning experience.
• 1:30:26
  You know, I took it as such. Whereas before, if it hadn't gone my way,
• 1:30:30
  I might have beat myself up.
• 1:30:32
  And I changed my mindset to now this is a growth. I'm telling you,
• 1:30:35
  girl, I don't know about this, but you are ready. I'm getting that intuition.
• 1:30:39
  I'm just telling you right now,
• 1:30:40
  do not wait to date. Do not wait to date a collect. Get out there. Okay.
• 1:30:44
  Well, I still need a collect. I just, I'm not in a rush. So when it happens. No rush.
• 1:30:48
  What I like to say is if you're open to it, is allow yourself to do what I call my year of yes.
• 1:30:55
  And the year of yes is that if someone offers you say, hey, listen,
• 1:30:58
  would you like to meet someone? I have someone. You say yes.
• 1:31:00
  Unless there's something going on and you can't, you have your kids or something, right?
• 1:31:03
  Or if someone says, hey, listen, we're going to so-and-so's house. Would you like to come?
• 1:31:07
  Because most times we might say, I don't know, I don't, you know,
• 1:31:10
  I've got a lot of work. I'm really busy and, you know, kind of going by myself.
• 1:31:14
  Maybe, you know, maybe next time. No, you say yes. If you have nothing on your
• 1:31:17
  calendar, you make the promise to yourself that you will go.
• 1:31:20
  Yes, on data collecting Saturday.
• 1:31:22
  Yeah, good. Not data collecting. Data collecting.
• 1:31:26
  And this is the reason why, right? You're worthy of the good in this life,
• 1:31:29
  of everything good in this life. And the things that you say to yourself matter, right?
• 1:31:34
  So when you're saying to yourself, I know that I still need to do a little work
• 1:31:37
  and I'm ready for him, it matters.
• 1:31:39
  It matters what you say because you're calling in the outcome.
• 1:31:42
  I got to build my manifestation list, though, before Saturday.
• 1:31:45
  Yes. You do. I do. You need to be very clear. I'm proud of the new soil for your flower.
• 1:31:50
  My new soil for my flower. And also don't worry about what someone else will
• 1:31:55
  think of your data list, meaning if you have qualifications that have to do
• 1:31:58
  with finances or the way someone dresses or if they have nice teeth or like
• 1:32:02
  sometimes your friends will be like, why would you want that?
• 1:32:04
  Like, gosh, you're so like superficial or gosh, you're such a blah,
• 1:32:08
  blah, blah, whatever it is.
• 1:32:09
  Let other people believe what they need to believe.
• 1:32:12
  You share this list with no one but you and God.
• 1:32:15
  And so whatever is really important, because remember, if you have a desire
• 1:32:18
  for someone to be something, that desire is a holy desire, right?
• 1:32:23
  It is a spiritual desire.
• 1:32:25
  So if something's important to you, don't worry about someone judging you.
• 1:32:28
  Just put it down. So should I put everything down even if it's,
• 1:32:31
  should I only put the non-negotiables down or should I just nice to have?
• 1:32:35
  Everything, everything. Okay. Everything. Okay. And here's how,
• 1:32:38
  because what's going to happen is as you're data collecting,
• 1:32:41
  you're going to keep that list.
• 1:32:42
  Now my list, I wish I, when I moved into the house, I had my data,
• 1:32:46
  I have to find it again, But I kept my manifestation list with me at all times,
• 1:32:50
  meaning it was in my wallet.
• 1:32:52
  So when I was online at the supermarket, I would pull it out. I would read it.
• 1:32:55
  When I was at the pediatrician with the kids and just sitting there waiting
• 1:32:59
  for the appointment, I would pull it out and I would read it.
• 1:33:01
  You know, so you want to keep it with you at all times. But on this manifestation
• 1:33:05
  list, you want to write everything.
• 1:33:07
  And he needs to meet 95% of the list. That's the minimum requirement for you
• 1:33:11
  to have a second connection with him or to continue a relationship. 95%. Yes.
• 1:33:19
  95. Now, mind you, Michael met, I think he met about 95%. And the one thing
• 1:33:27
  he didn't meet was height.
• 1:33:28
  Because in my manifestation list, I said I wanted someone six feet.
• 1:33:32
  I don't care about that. So I'm- I always wanted height. Well, I'm open to any height.
• 1:33:36
  And now when, so when I met Michael, he met my whole manifestation list,
• 1:33:40
  but he didn't meet the height requirement that I had.
• 1:33:43
  So I had to ask myself, is that a non-negotiable?
• 1:33:46
  And to me, it was not a non-negotiable. I was willing to say,
• 1:33:51
  OK, he met everything else and his height wasn't it wasn't important because
• 1:33:55
  he brought everything else in.
• 1:33:56
  The height was almost like didn't even bother me.
• 1:33:59
  Right. But now, like, let's say that, you know, he had maybe he was someone
• 1:34:04
  who had a past history of alcoholism.
• 1:34:06
  Now, my dad had gone through alcohol as an early in my earlier life.
• 1:34:11
  And that to me was I just couldn't. That was something I wasn't willing to bring
• 1:34:15
  in. So like if he had said to me, he meant 95% of my list, but there was one
• 1:34:19
  thing where he said, I'm a recovering alcoholic.
• 1:34:20
  I don't know if I would have, that would have been a deal breaker for me. I see.
• 1:34:25
  Does that make sense? And not because of the disease itself.
• 1:34:29
  It's because I didn't have the ability. I wasn't, I didn't do my own healing around it yet.
• 1:34:34
  I wouldn't have been a good partner to him because I was still traumatized by
• 1:34:38
  what happened to me and my family. Well, then I guess I have other healing to
• 1:34:41
  do because one of my deal breakers is I don't want a man that's cheated on his spouse or partners.
• 1:34:45
  That's a non-negotiable for me because I don't want to deal with it.
• 1:34:48
  So if he met 95% in your list, but you found out.
• 1:34:51
  But see, here's the thing. If he cheated on his wife, he's not likely going to tell you that.
• 1:34:57
  That's not something someone comes out of the gate with usually on a date.
• 1:34:59
  Hey, I cheated on my wife, so that's why I'm divorced. You don't want to tell you that.
• 1:35:03
  If I found out later, then it's a double whammy, because then if they say they didn't.
• 1:35:08
  Well, so what I would say, I mean, I think like what you want to say in your
• 1:35:13
  manifestation list, you don't want to be writing what it is you don't want.
• 1:35:17
  You want to be writing what it is you want.
• 1:35:19
  So what you want to say is I am attracting a man, right, who is loyal to his
• 1:35:24
  family, loyal to his wife.
• 1:35:26
  What gives him the fire and what gives him the peace is knowing that there's
• 1:35:31
  truth, that he's honest, emotionally stable.
• 1:35:35
  He has 100% clear mental health history.
• 1:35:37
  He's completely loyal to me, to the family.
• 1:35:41
  And so that's what you're going to write in your manifestation,
• 1:35:42
  what you want. You don't want to write what you don't want. Yeah.
• 1:35:46
  Because what the universe doesn't know is that you don't want that.
• 1:35:49
  So don't say, I don't want a narcissist because you'll get a narcissist.
• 1:35:52
  And don't say, I don't want an abusive man because you'll get an abusive man. You will get an abusive.
• 1:35:55
  That's right. Yeah. So say that I want a loving man, a caring man that's emotionally
• 1:36:00
  stable, emotionally available.
• 1:36:01
  You got it. Yeah, that's right. And that goes, by the way, for anything.
• 1:36:05
  So even in your marriage, right, where it's healthy and it's loving,
• 1:36:08
  you know, as you're developing and as your marriage is growing in its timeline
• 1:36:13
  is you could say I am, you know, as as we go on, every anniversary gets better.
• 1:36:17
  You know, every year we get better.
• 1:36:20
  We get deeper with each other. We understand each other better.
• 1:36:23
  Like there's just a different level to where we are. We appreciate each other.
• 1:36:26
  So again, like these affirmations could be for divorce and creating someone to come in our life.
• 1:36:31
  It could be to keep the relationship that we have healthy, happy, and whole.
• 1:36:35
  Or it could be used to call in the wealth or finances or a job because once
• 1:36:38
  you learn the strategy, you could apply it across all areas.
• 1:36:41
  You don't look at the negative way. You always put on the positive.
• 1:36:45
  Yes, because you want to, right. Right. And you want to know why we do that?
• 1:36:48
  It's because we understand the law of manifestation.
• 1:36:52
  Right. We understand that. Yeah.
• 1:36:54
  Yeah. We always said, do not say negative things about yourself because the
• 1:37:00
  universe in your mind doesn't know that you are joking or not. Right.
• 1:37:04
  That's exactly right. Bruce Lee was very, very wise. I love Bruce Lee. I love that man.
• 1:37:09
  Seriously. He's like one of my mentors, even though he's not here anymore.
• 1:37:12
  But his level of dedication to himself and his family, but he is spot on.
• 1:37:17
  And science has proven that to us now.
• 1:37:19
  It does not matter if it's something you don't want.
• 1:37:21
  Your mind doesn't know. That's why you might as well create something you want.
• 1:37:25
  We've got to trick the mind, command the mind. This goes back into the command
• 1:37:29
  is here's what it is I want.
• 1:37:31
  And here's what I'm commanding. And there is no other option other than this
• 1:37:35
  outcome, whatever it may be. Well, Diva Donna.
• 1:37:38
  I love Diva Donna. I love that. I do think you've given us all a wonderful coaching session today.
• 1:37:44
  Well, thank you. I think that all of our listeners are, this is a valuable podcast
• 1:37:49
  because everyone's got such a great coaching session.
• 1:37:52
  Is there anything you want to add, Diva Kat?
• 1:37:54
  No, I think I'm covered with everything. It was really a pleasure.
• 1:37:58
  Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to channel in who I am and just to be who
• 1:38:01
  I am and to tap into that energy and really just do the thing that I know that I don't know.
• 1:38:08
  Sometimes it just, again, comes through me. And this is a great conduit in a channel.
• 1:38:12
  So it's great to be able to speak with you. Well, Diva Donna,
• 1:38:15
  I'm going to let you know when I find my Juan and how amazing he is because
• 1:38:18
  I know he's going to be amazing.
• 1:38:20
  I already know it. I am so appreciative. Get back to that manifestation list.
• 1:38:24
  I'm so appreciative of all you've done. And you really did help me transform
• 1:38:28
  my life for the better and move forward when I was not moving anywhere and just going in circles.
• 1:38:33
  So I am so forever grateful to you and your organization.
• 1:38:37
  Thank you. But I think we're done for today. I think we've covered it all. We did good, girls.
• 1:38:42
  We did good. So if you need anything from me, you let me know.
• 1:38:45
  I will email you how people could reach me, right, should they be interested.
• 1:38:49
  And then, yep. And if you need anything else from me, you let me know.
• 1:38:52
  But it was, again, a pleasure speaking with both of you. All right.
• 1:38:55
  Well, this is Diva Mia signing off.
• 1:38:57
  Diva Cat signing off. Stay positive. Diva Donna signing off.
• 1:39:01
  All right. Wonderful. We'll talk to you all later. All right. Love you guys.
• 1:39:07
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• 1:39:12
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• 1:39:13
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• 1:39:22
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