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#HURDLEMOMENT: An Expert Unpacks How to Overcome Fear & Confront Pain · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: We need to give ourselves permission to cry, give ourselves
0:02
Speaker 1: permission to take a time out and not feel guilt
0:07
Speaker 1: or like we shouldn't be giving ourselves that space.
0:25
Speaker 2: Hey, Hurdler's Emily ABOUDI here bringing you another installment of
0:29
Speaker 2: Hurdle Moment from Hurdle. For this week's episode, I Am
0:33
Speaker 2: Chatting the Akia read about overcoming fear and confronting pain.
0:39
Speaker 2: Akia is a mental health activist, and she in today's episode,
0:44
Speaker 2: shares her own story about being diagnosed with depression and
0:48
Speaker 2: generalized anxiety disorder in twenty sixteen. In today's episode, she
0:53
Speaker 2: tells me all about her struggle, about what she learned
0:57
Speaker 2: from her diagnosis and the tools and tricks she used
1:01
Speaker 2: to cope with anxiety, depression, and stress. Before we get
1:05
Speaker 2: into today's episode, I do want to wish you a happy,
1:09
Speaker 2: happy Thanksgiving from me and mine to you and yours.
1:14
Speaker 2: I know that things are a bit different this year,
1:17
Speaker 2: but there is plenty for us to be grateful for,
1:19
Speaker 2: plenty for us to be thankful for. And please, however
1:23
Speaker 2: you are celebrating this week, stay safe.
1:26
Speaker 3: Be careful, and stay kind. As always. Reach out to
1:30
Speaker 3: me over on social media.
1:32
Speaker 2: Tag the show as you are listening at Hurdle Podcast
1:35
Speaker 2: and at Emily a Body And if you have a
1:37
Speaker 2: hurdle moment of your own to share, or you just
1:39
Speaker 2: want to say hi, feel free to reach out to
1:41
Speaker 2: me over email. It's Emily at hurdle dot us. And
1:45
Speaker 2: with that, oh, let's get to hurdling.
1:56
Speaker 4: Today.
1:56
Speaker 2: I am sitting down with Akiya Read. She is a
2:00
Speaker 2: mental health activist and an author. How are you doing today?
2:04
Speaker 4: I am doing great. How are you? And thank you
2:07
Speaker 4: for having me?
2:08
Speaker 2: Of course I'm doing pretty well. You know, it's a
2:11
Speaker 2: sunny day out. I think we're all making this transition
2:13
Speaker 2: into the cooler months. But nothing a few layers and
2:16
Speaker 2: a nice cup of coffee can't fix, if you know
2:18
Speaker 2: what I mean.
2:19
Speaker 4: Absolutely. Yeah.
2:21
Speaker 1: So I'm in the Midwest here in Ohio, and the
2:25
Speaker 1: last few weeks we were blessed with such beautiful colors
2:29
Speaker 1: of leaves turning in. Now because of all of the
2:33
Speaker 1: wind on Sunday, we see a lot of empty trees.
2:37
Speaker 3: A lot of empty trees. All the winds blown the
2:39
Speaker 3: leaves away.
2:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, so they're now in piles. So which is fun,
2:43
Speaker 1: you know if you like to go jump in the leaves.
2:47
Speaker 2: So today, what we're chatting about, we are chatting about
2:51
Speaker 2: overcoming fear and confronting pain. I mean, there are so
2:56
Speaker 2: many things that happen in our day to day that.
2:59
Speaker 3: Make us us scared right, and.
3:02
Speaker 2: These things they feel or they can make everyday tasks
3:07
Speaker 2: feel like everest. So I'd love before we hop into
3:12
Speaker 2: this topic, before we dive right in, for you to
3:14
Speaker 2: give me a little bit of info, tell the hurdlers
3:17
Speaker 2: about your background and how you got into talking on
3:20
Speaker 2: these topics.
3:22
Speaker 1: Well, wow, that, let's see, let's try to condense that.
3:25
Speaker 1: I actually, four years ago was diagnosed with generalized anxiety
3:30
Speaker 1: and depression, also an eating disorder after a emotional breakdown.
3:38
Speaker 1: Had gone through a lot of stuff in my past,
3:40
Speaker 1: you know, my childhood. I'm a daughter of a preacher,
3:44
Speaker 1: so there's just been a lot of things that had
3:45
Speaker 1: happened in my childhood and I kind of suppressed all
3:48
Speaker 1: of it. And I often like to say that if
3:50
Speaker 1: you don't deal with life, life finds a way of
3:52
Speaker 1: dealing with you. And that was what happened to me
3:56
Speaker 1: four years ago. Is I had suppressed the pain. I
4:00
Speaker 1: did not deal with it, I did not confront it,
4:01
Speaker 1: had one and it came to a head if you will.
4:04
Speaker 1: And therefore, you know, it struck me really hard and
4:09
Speaker 1: I had to go seek treatment because I could no
4:12
Speaker 1: longer function.
4:13
Speaker 3: Wow.
4:14
Speaker 2: Okay, so talk to me about what that treatment looked
4:17
Speaker 2: like for you.
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Speaker 1: So initially, you know, I went to therapy, and it's
4:25
Speaker 1: really this is really crazy because I was in therapy
4:30
Speaker 1: several years before I actually had any of this like
4:34
Speaker 1: anxiety stuff officially diagnosed. I was in therapy because I
4:39
Speaker 1: wanted to be a better mom, better wife.
4:41
Speaker 4: You know.
4:42
Speaker 1: I knew I had some childhood stuff, so I was like,
4:43
Speaker 1: you know, just self improvement, and my therapist would always,
4:47
Speaker 1: you know, insinuate that I had some kind of underlying
4:49
Speaker 1: anxiety and I was just like whatever, you know, didn't
4:52
Speaker 1: pay attention to it. So when it all hit me
4:54
Speaker 1: and I had that breakdown, I not only would go
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Speaker 1: to therapy whatever every other week or you know, once
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Speaker 1: a month whatever for check ins, I was going every
5:05
Speaker 1: single week consistently, and on top of that, I was
5:10
Speaker 1: also taking medication because it had gotten so far out
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Speaker 1: of control that I was just not able to manage
5:16
Speaker 1: it without the help of medicine any longer.
5:19
Speaker 2: Right, And I think something that's interesting and I'm something sure,
5:22
Speaker 2: I'm sure something that you dealt with as well. Was
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Speaker 2: just this feeling or shame that we bring on upon
5:27
Speaker 2: ourselves that we're feeling anxious, as if we are not
5:31
Speaker 2: strong enough to like come back this feeling.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, that was one
5:37
Speaker 1: of the reasons why it took me three days to
5:41
Speaker 1: decide whether or not I actually wanted to take the prescription.
5:45
Speaker 1: One I didn't think that I would actually feel better,
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Speaker 1: and I didn't think it was, you know, gonna help me.
5:52
Speaker 1: But then I think there was another part of me
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Speaker 1: that I was just like, well, this means that I
5:55
Speaker 1: am admitting that I can't handle this and I don't
5:58
Speaker 1: want to have to take a pill or rely on
6:00
Speaker 1: a medication, you know, to be able to function every day.
6:04
Speaker 1: And I think, to be really honest, I am a
6:09
Speaker 1: black woman, and so being taught as a Black woman
6:12
Speaker 1: and even as just a woman in general, that you
6:15
Speaker 1: have to be strong, you have to put on a
6:17
Speaker 1: brave face. You don't want to show weakness. It was
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Speaker 1: specifically strong in my culture and where I grew up
6:25
Speaker 1: in my community, for sure.
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Speaker 3: So then talk to me.
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Speaker 2: Talk to me about when you kind of started to
6:32
Speaker 2: see the light at the end of the tunnel, so
6:35
Speaker 2: to speak, after seeking out the treatment and the help
6:38
Speaker 2: that you really needed.
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Speaker 1: So it took about physically speaking, for like the panic
6:45
Speaker 1: attacks and the shaking and all of that to stop.
6:48
Speaker 1: It took about a good four to six weeks for
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Speaker 1: the medicine to work. I will say, you know, as
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Speaker 1: with anything, when you're adjusting to new things that you're
6:56
Speaker 1: putting in your body, it takes a while.
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Speaker 4: So things did get a little bit.
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Speaker 1: Weird the first couple of weeks, but the physical stuff
7:05
Speaker 1: was the first thing that I noticed to leave.
7:08
Speaker 4: And then I think.
7:10
Speaker 1: As I moved forward with the medication and consistent therapy,
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Speaker 1: I started to notice that my brain activity, as far
7:18
Speaker 1: as like how much I would actually put energy into
7:21
Speaker 1: negative thoughts or overthinking.
7:24
Speaker 4: Started to dissipate a little bit. And so when I
7:27
Speaker 4: was in.
7:27
Speaker 1: Therapy, I could actually focus on the things that you know,
7:32
Speaker 1: I needed to focus on at that time, and not
7:34
Speaker 1: you know, so much of like right now, I've got
7:37
Speaker 1: to focus on this right now because you know, whatever
7:40
Speaker 1: my mind was telling me at the time. It helped
7:42
Speaker 1: me to go back and reflect on some of the
7:44
Speaker 1: things as a child and really deal with that stuff.
7:47
Speaker 1: So that was when I really started to see a
7:51
Speaker 1: greater perspective, if you will, and.
7:55
Speaker 4: A better path to recovery.
7:57
Speaker 2: I had a guess not that long ago on the
7:59
Speaker 2: on the show. Her name is Kara Lowenthile, and she's
8:03
Speaker 2: a life coach and a podcaster, and she said something
8:06
Speaker 2: that I thought was really interesting, which is really applicable
8:09
Speaker 2: now bringing this full circle to how you're in the
8:12
Speaker 2: position to talk on this and to offer up some
8:14
Speaker 2: really great tips, is that unless you've been through it,
8:19
Speaker 2: if you hadn't gone through this, if you hadn't had
8:22
Speaker 2: these struggles, then how would you have had otherwise the
8:24
Speaker 2: opportunity to learn these lessons to then bestow these takeaways
8:29
Speaker 2: and the wisdom upon others. And I just thought that
8:32
Speaker 2: was so valuable and really relevant to what we're about
8:36
Speaker 2: to get into.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you know what, absolutely, because yesterday I actually
8:42
Speaker 1: talked about this very thing is that I've had to learn,
8:47
Speaker 1: and I think one of the most important things I've
8:49
Speaker 1: learned through this journey is to show gratitude for the
8:52
Speaker 1: things that I've experienced and the things that I have
8:55
Speaker 1: been through. Because to your point, and to your previous
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Speaker 1: guest point, I would not be where I am advocating
9:04
Speaker 1: and writing about these very topics if I would not
9:09
Speaker 1: you know, have gone through what I went through and
9:11
Speaker 1: experienced it and even had the courage to get the
9:15
Speaker 1: help and be completely open about the help as well.
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Speaker 1: So it definitely is something that was worthwhile. It didn't
9:25
Speaker 1: feel like it at the time, and it rarely does,
9:27
Speaker 1: but you can look back and say, Wow, I'm glad I.
9:30
Speaker 4: Won't be that.
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Speaker 2: now about overcoming fear and confronting pain.
10:55
Speaker 3: So where does one even begin.
10:57
Speaker 1: I would say that a person has to really get
11:01
Speaker 1: super honest with themselves, right, I mean, I think that
11:04
Speaker 1: that's where it started for me, even when I first
11:09
Speaker 1: started going to therapy, before you know, the breakdown even happened.
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Speaker 1: I think I had to get really honest with myself
11:15
Speaker 1: and say, hey.
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Speaker 4: I need help.
11:16
Speaker 1: I need to go to therapy because you know, there's
11:18
Speaker 1: some things in my life that are just not working right.
11:22
Speaker 1: And admitting that you don't have it all together and
11:25
Speaker 1: that you know you need some help and you can't
11:28
Speaker 1: do it by yourself is the first step. I think
11:31
Speaker 1: being aware is a huge, huge first step. And then
11:37
Speaker 1: once you become aware or acknowledge it, then awareness and
11:41
Speaker 1: then you actually begin to act on those that self awareness.
11:46
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of the time, you know,
11:48
Speaker 2: we may recognize that we're scared or that we're dealing
11:52
Speaker 2: with something, but it could be kind of a reflex
11:56
Speaker 2: to make a joke about it or be about it,
12:00
Speaker 2: and by doing that, we're deflecting and not fully admitting
12:05
Speaker 2: what's actually going on. So it's not just like saying it,
12:09
Speaker 2: but it's like being honest and open to the fact
12:13
Speaker 2: that it's not something to joke about.
12:16
Speaker 4: Right.
12:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that's one of the most frustrating
12:19
Speaker 1: things in the line of work that I do, is
12:23
Speaker 1: really what people fail to realize is that when you
12:27
Speaker 1: make jokes about mental health topics and sensitive issues like that,
12:33
Speaker 1: it stigmatizes it. Even more so over the last several years,
12:40
Speaker 1: we've heard, you know, the word bipolar come up and like,
12:42
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I feel so bipolar.
12:44
Speaker 4: Oh my god, you know, like.
12:46
Speaker 1: It's just a common thing to say, and a lot
12:50
Speaker 1: of times we throw out that diagnosis to people just
12:52
Speaker 1: for somebody who has a change in mood. Now, granted,
12:55
Speaker 1: there may be some truth to it, and there may
12:59
Speaker 1: be some people that act like that that are not
13:01
Speaker 1: necessarily that, but it's just further like putting more stigma
13:07
Speaker 1: on top of this whole mental health crisis that we
13:10
Speaker 1: have going on in our country right now, And so
13:14
Speaker 1: joking is not appropriate, you know, dealing with it and saying, yes,
13:19
Speaker 1: I do have this issue, Yes I do need to
13:22
Speaker 1: go get help. It's okay that I'm feeling this way,
13:26
Speaker 1: and acknowledging it, I think is the best way to
13:29
Speaker 1: handle it.
13:29
Speaker 2: Once someone acknowledges that this is going on, then what's
13:35
Speaker 2: the next step.
13:37
Speaker 1: Once you acknowledge, I think that that opens up the
13:39
Speaker 1: door for you to become self aware, right, so you
13:41
Speaker 1: actually start.
13:42
Speaker 4: Doing some digging.
13:43
Speaker 1: One of the things that I did was not only
13:46
Speaker 1: did you know I go to therapy to help me
13:50
Speaker 1: deal with other people, but I also went to therapy.
13:52
Speaker 4: To learn about myself.
13:54
Speaker 1: It was a way for me to start my self
13:58
Speaker 1: discovery journey and figure out exactly who Akia is, not
14:05
Speaker 1: who everybody else wanted me to be, but who Akia is.
14:09
Speaker 1: And so that is huge because the more you have
14:14
Speaker 1: clear understanding of your identity for who you are as
14:18
Speaker 1: a person, your awareness, your self awareness goes to a
14:23
Speaker 1: whole different level. And once you have a clear cut
14:26
Speaker 1: understanding of who you are and your self aware, then
14:30
Speaker 1: everything else follows soon. So then you start putting those
14:33
Speaker 1: things into action. So that's what it's about. It's about acknowledgment,
14:37
Speaker 1: it's about awareness, and then action.
14:39
Speaker 2: I still think though that I mean in the process
14:42
Speaker 2: of taking action, in the process of confronting pain, it
14:45
Speaker 2: can still be super intimidating and really scary.
14:49
Speaker 3: So how do you get.
14:51
Speaker 2: Over that hurdle of ponying up and confronting what's really
14:57
Speaker 2: going on?
14:57
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
14:58
Speaker 1: So, you know, I give this analogy a lot, and
15:02
Speaker 1: I talk about how we all are familiar probably with
15:04
Speaker 1: the story of Tarzan and how in order for the vine,
15:10
Speaker 1: the next vine to appear, he had to jump off
15:12
Speaker 1: of the one he was on. And so that's kind
15:15
Speaker 1: of how I look at my life, Like there, I
15:18
Speaker 1: was on a completely different path before any of this
15:21
Speaker 1: happened to me, and I had a choice. Am I
15:25
Speaker 1: going to just take this diagnosis and am I just
15:28
Speaker 1: gonna go quietly into the sunset and just fold?
15:31
Speaker 4: Or am I going to actually be scared to death?
15:37
Speaker 4: But do it anyway?
15:39
Speaker 1: And that's what we have to do, Like there is
15:42
Speaker 1: no you know, we can't necessarily just dip our little
15:45
Speaker 1: toe in. We just gotta go for it. And then
15:49
Speaker 1: once we go for it, I believe that all the
15:51
Speaker 1: other stuff comes to fruition. It's not easy, It is
15:54
Speaker 1: definitely not easy. It was one of the hardest things
15:56
Speaker 1: that I had ever done in my life to start
15:59
Speaker 1: talking about on a bloe, all of the stuff that
16:02
Speaker 1: I had gone through, all of the stuff that I
16:04
Speaker 1: was facing, and the discoveries that I was making about
16:07
Speaker 1: myself as a person, and some of them weren't great.
16:10
Speaker 4: It was hard, but it's a part of moving forward.
16:15
Speaker 1: You've got to go backward and it may be a struggle,
16:19
Speaker 1: and that's a part of the process, definitely.
16:23
Speaker 2: And so when it came to your personal journey and
16:27
Speaker 2: confronting pain, did you use any specific tools, whether that
16:32
Speaker 2: would be journaling, I know you mentioned I know you
16:35
Speaker 2: mentioned therapy, but any other tools that were in your
16:38
Speaker 2: personal toolbox to help you in this process.
16:41
Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely.
16:43
Speaker 1: So I colored when I felt really anxious, Like for me,
16:47
Speaker 1: for example, I shaped.
16:50
Speaker 4: I was shake a lot, and so.
16:52
Speaker 1: Coloring was the only thing that I could actually like
16:55
Speaker 1: hyper focus on that would stop the tremors, especially early
16:59
Speaker 1: on in my recovery. So that was something that I did. Journaling, absolutely,
17:04
Speaker 1: but I journaled in a different way, like whenever I
17:07
Speaker 1: felt overwhelmed by a to do list or things that
17:12
Speaker 1: I wanted to accomplish in the month, or the year
17:17
Speaker 1: in my head because of the anxiety disorder, it would
17:21
Speaker 1: just those thoughts will go like a hamster wheell, and
17:23
Speaker 1: it would lead me down all kinds of rabbit holes.
17:26
Speaker 1: And so what I decided to do was just start
17:28
Speaker 1: taking out my journal and just writing them down. And
17:31
Speaker 1: I realized that what seemed to be like a lot
17:33
Speaker 1: in my head was only about four things on paper.
17:38
Speaker 1: It was the rabbit holes that I was going down
17:40
Speaker 1: that actually made the four things seem like twenty four things.
17:44
Speaker 3: I think that's such a beautiful designation.
17:46
Speaker 2: I mean, how often do we just feel like the
17:49
Speaker 2: entire world is just closing in on us and overwhelmed,
17:52
Speaker 2: and like we can't even articulate what's wrong when we
17:55
Speaker 2: don't even take the time to sit down and try.
17:57
Speaker 2: We've talked about the strategy of journaling, talked about therapy.
18:01
Speaker 2: What else, if anything, would you offer up to someone
18:04
Speaker 2: who is just really going through it in terms of pain?
18:07
Speaker 1: Right now, these last two things I'm gonna say are
18:11
Speaker 1: going to sound really really like common sense and maybe
18:17
Speaker 1: even silly. But the first one would be cry it out.
18:22
Speaker 1: And there is such a thing that when you cry,
18:27
Speaker 1: it releases toxins from your body, no lie, and it
18:31
Speaker 1: resets your brain. The other thing I would say would
18:37
Speaker 1: be take a nap. You know how people say when
18:41
Speaker 1: they've had a rough day, you know what, I'm just
18:43
Speaker 1: going to go home and sleep on it. Definitely, that's why,
18:46
Speaker 1: because sleep, also like crying, resets your brain. And so
18:50
Speaker 1: I know that I have gone to bed sometimes frustrated, irritated, disappointed,
18:55
Speaker 1: like I will tell you last Thursday was that day
18:58
Speaker 1: for me. I had a very for a week. Last week.
19:01
Speaker 1: I was feeling like I was being pushed to the brink,
19:04
Speaker 1: and I had a lot of anxiety. So I just said,
19:07
Speaker 1: you know, it's time for me to take a time out,
19:10
Speaker 1: and I got in I took a shower, I got
19:13
Speaker 1: into bed early, and I slept, and when I woke
19:17
Speaker 1: up the next morning, everything looked a whole lot clearer.
19:22
Speaker 1: And so I think that we need to give ourselves
19:24
Speaker 1: permission to cry, give ourselves permission to take a time
19:27
Speaker 1: out and not feel guilt or like we shouldn't be
19:32
Speaker 1: giving ourselves that space.
19:34
Speaker 2: Definitely, and I think that I mean the sleep on it,
19:37
Speaker 2: the taking a step back, Like sometimes it's just so
19:39
Speaker 2: easy to be so reactive in the moment, so to
19:42
Speaker 2: fall back and give yourself some grace along with some space.
19:45
Speaker 3: It can just be so vital.
19:47
Speaker 4: Yes, grace and space.
19:48
Speaker 3: That's exactly right, space and grace and space.
19:51
Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for everything that you've shared,
19:54
Speaker 2: for your strategies for navigating some scary time, some fearful times.
20:00
Speaker 2: And I really appreciate what you what you had to
20:04
Speaker 2: offer the hurdlers today.
20:05
Speaker 1: Well, I just appreciate you and what you do and
20:08
Speaker 1: your podcast. I love the concept. I think it is amazing,
20:11
Speaker 1: So thank you for having me.
20:13
Speaker 2: Thank you. Please take a moment and leave a quick
20:15
Speaker 2: review by clicking the link with the description to this episode.
20:18
Speaker 2: We all face multiple hurdles in life. I want to
20:20
Speaker 2: hear about yours. Reach Out to me at Emily at
20:23
Speaker 2: Hurdle dot us. Connect to the podcast on Instagram and
20:25
Speaker 2: Twitter at Hurdle Podcast.
20:27
Speaker 3: How do we keep up with you? Akia? Give me
20:30
Speaker 3: the details?
20:31
Speaker 4: All right?
20:32
Speaker 1: Well, you can follow me on Instagram at Akia Red,
20:37
Speaker 1: or you can go to my website Akia read dot
20:40
Speaker 1: com and signed up sign up for my newsletter. I
20:42
Speaker 1: promise I don't sell your information. So I do is
20:46
Speaker 1: just communicate on a weekly basis and talk to you
20:49
Speaker 1: about different thoughts that I'm having, different tips, mental health
20:52
Speaker 1: things that I'm thinking about.
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Speaker 4: So yeah, Instagram and my newsletter.
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Speaker 3: I dig it.
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Speaker 2: I am over at emia, body and at hurdle podcas
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Speaker 2: cast another hurdle conquered.
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Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.