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Congrats, You're NOT the Father! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

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  Speaker 1: Congratulations, you're not the father. It's one more thing. I'm
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: strong and getty, one more thing that would have been
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: fairly uncomfortable for me to hear. Yeah, no kidding, who Yeah?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: What were the worst thing that ever happened? It's funny
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: how that can We'll get to that in a second.
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  Speaker 1: We'll get to that in a second.
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  Speaker 2: All right.
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  Speaker 1: First, I wanted to do this because I did a
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  Speaker 1: number of Chuck Norris jokes the other day on the
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  Speaker 1: air because it had come up with my son. He'd
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  Speaker 1: heard about it somehow, and I was like, what is that
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  Speaker 1: all about? And I had to explain to him Chuck
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  Speaker 1: Norris was the martial arts star and then people started
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  Speaker 1: this meme and then it just became funny and there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of funny ones. And I grocked it and
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  Speaker 1: hit him with a bunch of funny ones. But he
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  Speaker 1: looked up some more funny ones that I had not
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  Speaker 1: heard yet. The flu gets Chuck Norris shots every year.
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  Speaker 1: Chuck Norris doesn't play hide and seek. He plays hide
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  Speaker 1: and pray you don't find him. This one was from
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  Speaker 1: the other day, but I thought it was so funny.
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  Speaker 1: Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad, he's never cried.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: And one more, Spider Man wears Chuck Norris pajamas. That's
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  Speaker 1: pretty good. That is good. By golly, those are a music.
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  Speaker 1: What a funny meme. But to the whole you're not
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  Speaker 1: the father. It's it's interesting that that happens sometimes in
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  Speaker 1: tragic it's got to I can't even imagine anything worse,
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  Speaker 1: like literally can't imagine anything worse. But for most of us,
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  Speaker 1: I think our kids are so clearly ours. I mean
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  Speaker 1: it just so, whether the way they look, or they act,
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  Speaker 1: or just everything. It's just you know, my son looks
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  Speaker 1: exactly like my dad at that age, exactly. I got
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  Speaker 1: a picture of my dad in high school in nineteen
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  Speaker 1: fifty three, and and he and my son are the
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  Speaker 1: saying exactly the same. It's really interesting how the genetics
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  Speaker 1: can skip a generation like that, and then and then
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  Speaker 1: my younger son looks just like me. It would be
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine a situation where I'd find out I'm
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  Speaker 1: not the father. Yes, Katie Oh.
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  Speaker 3: I saw this horrific news story the other day, and
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  Speaker 3: I know that this didn't happen with me, but because
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  Speaker 3: we went through the IVF process, this woman gave birth
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  Speaker 3: and the kid is clearly not hers, and there was
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  Speaker 3: an embryo switch up.
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  Speaker 4: Oh at the facility.
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  Speaker 1: She went to, Well, that's tragic, you know, because it
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  Speaker 1: ultimately at the end of the day, you got the
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  Speaker 1: kids and parents don't match up. But right from a
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  Speaker 1: heart wrenching standpoint, that would be different than oh you
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  Speaker 1: were with the neighbor. Oh okay, well.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely. It just came to mind. I was like,
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  Speaker 4: oh my.
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  Speaker 2: God, yeah, hey, doc, look, I'm no bigot or anything,
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  Speaker 2: but my son here, and I use that term advisedly,
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  Speaker 2: my son's here appears to be a.
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  Speaker 1: Poc in term we use these days, doctor, I believe
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  Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, yes, my son clears to clearly his bipocket.
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  Speaker 1: I am not. It'd be like a King of the
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  Speaker 1: Hill where you had Dale Gribble and his hot wife
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  Speaker 1: and they're both white, and I get this little Indian
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  Speaker 1: kid and she hangs out with her therapist massage therapist
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  Speaker 1: of the Indian red co That ain't that ain't cool anyway.
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  Speaker 1: So what brought me up to the Coultree is what
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  Speaker 1: it is. What brought me up to the idea of
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  Speaker 1: this you're not the father was the horror of the
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  Speaker 1: Moriy Pulvid show.
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  Speaker 2: Oh boy, you talk about your LCD show. Yes, so
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  Speaker 2: common d nomine.
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  Speaker 1: I am going to watch this, Katie. You need to
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  Speaker 1: watch this for us if we can't get to it,
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  Speaker 1: because it sounds like something we would all enjoy. There's
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  Speaker 1: a new docuseries on Hulu Disney made by ABC called
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  Speaker 1: Dirty Talk when daytime talk shows ruled TV, and it
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  Speaker 1: goes back over the mid to late nineteen nine It
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  Speaker 1: actually starts in the eighties, eighties to early nineties, when
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  Speaker 1: it was mostly Oprah and that sort of thing and
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  Speaker 1: Phil Donahue and those shows were mostly fine, mostly fine,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, occasional quackish doctor in that sort of thing,
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  Speaker 1: but not just full on lowest common denominator. Then, as
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  Speaker 1: we all know, in the mid to late nineteen eighties,
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  Speaker 1: it took off. It's got the list here that they
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  Speaker 1: cover in detail in this documentary. Did Jerry Springer show
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  Speaker 1: Maury with his paternity test and all that sort of stuff?
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  Speaker 1: Ricky Lake, Jenny Jones, Sally Jesse, Rafael and Freaking Roaldo.
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  Speaker 3: Oh jeez.
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  Speaker 1: All these shows push boundaries with fights, shocking reveals, and
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  Speaker 1: salacious guests. The period was chaotic, ratings driven and also
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  Speaker 1: called the most sensational era and TV talk show history. Well, clearly,
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  Speaker 1: but definitely one of the worst things that's ever been
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  Speaker 1: on TV is the whole paternity test thing sport as sport,
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  Speaker 1: and then the way people would react in the crowd
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  Speaker 1: would share, Yay, you don't know who the dad is.
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  Speaker 2: Whoo you've been claiming now for a number of months,
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  Speaker 2: it's this gentleman with whom you were intimate.
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  Speaker 1: The tests show that it's not.
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  Speaker 2: Indeed, it's another one of your many paramours, and the
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  Speaker 2: child probably doesn't.
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  Speaker 1: And won't know whose dad is. That's yay. What's not
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  Speaker 1: to cheer about it? Yeah? Or you had a one
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  Speaker 1: night stand with this chick and you don't want to
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  Speaker 1: have to own up to it, you know, or whatever
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  Speaker 1: the situation was. It was always so tawdry and the
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  Speaker 1: cheering in that. I was just watching the trailer for
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  Speaker 1: this docu series and they were showing a bunch of
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  Speaker 1: those paternity things, and then the way they react when
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  Speaker 1: the results are out, they're just not like any normal
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  Speaker 1: human being would react with either you know, pain or
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  Speaker 1: relief or you know, some level of compassion for the situation.
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  Speaker 1: For everyone involved. I mean, you still got a mom here,
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  Speaker 1: who's why are you not aware who the dad is?
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  Speaker 1: What's going on in your life? And but just doing
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  Speaker 1: backflips and high fives and the confetti cannons going around,
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  Speaker 1: running through the audience high five and people. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: it's just so oh freaking tawdry.
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  Speaker 2: You know, if you watched that more than once or twice, ironically,
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  Speaker 2: you shouldn't be allowed to vote.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so that was Mary's thing. Springers somehow always
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  Speaker 1: pitted people together that they'd ended up in a fight
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  Speaker 1: and shirtless. Yeah right, did you ever watching those shows?
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  Speaker 1: K or? Is that?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah? Oh yes, I've I've watched all of them.
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  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry about the whole voting thing, but I
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  Speaker 2: tell you what, and is this watching ironically? Was everybody
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  Speaker 2: watching it ironically? If you flipped by Springer and he
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  Speaker 2: had a couple of knuckle draggers kneeling at each other, dwarfs,
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  Speaker 2: knuckle dragon, paste eaters, half wits in bread whatever, beast
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  Speaker 2: woman and some white trash dude ye in at each
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  Speaker 2: other over something. Then one gets up and then you know,
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  Speaker 2: chests the other one.
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  Speaker 1: How do you tune out of that?
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  Speaker 4: The chairs get thrown. You're not leaving that channel.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you gotta see hot that one. Dwarfs really
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  Speaker 2: got the upper edge. No CounterPunch. There you go.
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  Speaker 1: Well, and the audience was there for the fight, and
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  Speaker 1: then as soon as somebody would stand up, then the audience,
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  Speaker 1: then the audiences in it, and then I remember Springer
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  Speaker 1: would like start moving chairs back to like clear out
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  Speaker 1: the way, let's let's let's let's make give us a
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  Speaker 1: little space here because we're about to have a full
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  Speaker 1: on fight, like you do when you're settling problems. That
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  Speaker 1: was always my favorite part is the way he'd move
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  Speaker 1: the chairs out of the way for the obviously we're
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  Speaker 1: going to have a fight part of the.
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  Speaker 2: Show, and having orchestrated the entire thing, he would shake
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  Speaker 2: his head, Oh, this is so disappointing.
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  Speaker 1: Right, that was his best part. Just see, ah, can
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  Speaker 1: you believe this is It's terrible the way this is right.
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  Speaker 1: We started the episode with such high hopes to come
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  Speaker 1: together and now.
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  Speaker 2: We're really hoping we could heal souls and bring people together.
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  Speaker 4: But they did all start with Herado getting his nose broken.
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  Speaker 1: That was he had to clan on if I remember right,
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  Speaker 1: you know and that I wonder if you're right about that.
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  Speaker 1: That's one reason I want to watch a documentary because
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  Speaker 1: it got such attention and high ratings, and that might
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  Speaker 1: have been what instigated Springer or whoever to think, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: this didn't like hurt his show, This helped his show.
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  Speaker 1: That a fight broke out, what rash and its existence
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  Speaker 1: offends my soul?
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  Speaker 2: And yet that sort of entertainment. And yet if my
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  Speaker 2: job is to get people to buy product acts, and
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  Speaker 2: that product.
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  Speaker 1: Ain't encyclopedias, if you know what I'm saying, it's you know,
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  Speaker 1: something all humans need and buy. Okay, yes it is not.
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  Speaker 2: And there is a very efficient way to reach halfwits.
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  Speaker 1: Ye, because as buy stuff too, and they need to
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  Speaker 1: buy stuff, and I need to know where to find it.
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  Speaker 2: And like you've got an incredibly highly rated, you know,
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  Speaker 2: audience of whatever description. Yeah, I mean you just see
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  Speaker 2: you can't walk away from that.
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  Speaker 1: That was That's a good pull, because that was that
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  Speaker 1: was the good part. Jerry Springer's shaking his head. I
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  Speaker 1: thought these two drunk, drunk dwarves in love with the
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  Speaker 1: same woman could work this out, but apparently the same stripper.
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  Speaker 1: I thought this good. We thought we could work this out,
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  Speaker 1: but I'm an unfortunate turn. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Well, and then the more I think about it, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: so you're Maripovich and you're thinking this is crap TV. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: why don't I take my show off the air so
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  Speaker 2: these people can go form a book club or read Shakespeare.
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  Speaker 1: No, they're gonna watch whatever ship comes on next. Right,
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  Speaker 1: I'm getting mine, baby, if I remember right.
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  Speaker 2: Maury would have guests on there and they would say,
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  Speaker 2: I don't even know why I'm here today, so they
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  Speaker 2: would like fly them out in wine and dinam and
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  Speaker 2: then oh.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and sometimes the studio ye did get ambush.
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  Speaker 4: They would make it look like the partner like set
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  Speaker 4: them up to be there.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, now let's bring out your sister. Oh my god,
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  Speaker 2: now I know what this is.
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  Speaker 1: Or you might recognize this person in the stripper walks
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  Speaker 1: out and you think, oh geez, I kind of remember you. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's Latin nine months ago, okay.
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  Speaker 2: Which brings us to and I can't believe this name
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  Speaker 2: has not been taken in Vain yet. I'm sitting there
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  Speaker 2: in my little tie, in my little shoes.
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  Speaker 1: Doctor Phil who tried to tried to put a sheen
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  Speaker 1: of credibility over this whole thing with the d R
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  Speaker 1: letters at the beginning of his name, exploiting the mentally
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  Speaker 1: ill and weak of mind. Which which show would you watch, Katie?
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  Speaker 1: What were you into?
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  Speaker 3: Springer was just always one around Joe and I had
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  Speaker 3: been doing this so along.
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  Speaker 1: I don't remember which radio station we worked at where
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  Speaker 1: Springer would be on, like the last hour of the
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  Speaker 1: show every day on the TV in the control room,
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  Speaker 1: we watched the mouth reaiders strip off their shirts and
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  Speaker 1: roll around on the floor. I remember that, Oh my god.
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  Speaker 1: And then why did that go away? Why did it end?
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  Speaker 1: That's one thing it talks about here, is that it
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  Speaker 1: just came to a complete end. Doctor.
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  Speaker 2: If you do love the Judge shows, but they they
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  Speaker 2: stringy along too long because most of the audience has
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  Speaker 2: nowhere to be see with.
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  Speaker 3: The Judge shows, the best the best part, for at
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  Speaker 3: least for me. With those, you can find the best
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  Speaker 3: compilations of those cases on like YouTube and get like
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  Speaker 3: a solid hour of just watching the best moments, because
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  Speaker 3: you're right, they do totally they make they stretch them.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, according to this, The rule over daytime TV faded
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  Speaker 1: in the two thousands as reality TV like Survivor and
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: reality competitions on different channels took over audience attention. So
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: the audience that was watching that one to you know,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: a bunch of people living in a house and trying
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to get along or whatever. Court shows were on the rise,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: as you pointed out, and then many shows shifted tones
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  Speaker 1: or just ended. OPRAH remained dominant until twenty eleven. But
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: you know what would have been a go ahead, anything
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: goes era of the nineties came to an end. And
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  Speaker 1: that's what this show is about, dirty talk when daytime
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  Speaker 1: talk shows rule TV. I will absolutely watch that documentary.
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  Speaker 4: I just cuted it on my me too.
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  Speaker 2: You know who would have been absolutely the perfect guests
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  Speaker 2: for doctor phil or Maury Povich or Jerry actually, Jerry
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  Speaker 2: Springer would have been the infamous Amber heard and Johnny Depp.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Did her dog crap on his bed or that would
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: have been good, Oh just perfect. God Stars, That's gotta
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: be a point on the trajectory of where we are,
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  Speaker 1: like politically and culturally now that it just was where
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: we were headed from that sort of stuff. I mean,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: if you're you'd have to be older. But like way
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: back in the day, your daytime talk shows and stuff
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  Speaker 1: like that, like Dick Cavitt or something like that. He'd
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: have authors on or classical musicians or whoever and have
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  Speaker 1: these conversations that you just never see anymore. That was
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  Speaker 1: daytime TV back then and game shows. But you know,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: the turn we took toward you know, drunk dwarves fighting
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  Speaker 1: over a stripper, you know, ushered in this era of politics,
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  Speaker 1: I think, I mean as the direction we're headed as
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: a culture. I guess I.
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  Speaker 2: Think fancy people would say it gave a permission structure.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Is that the term they is something like that.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there is really nothing more LCD Lowest Common Denominator
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: than those perternity tests though, I mean, that is just horrific.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: But that was daytime entertainment. Owl my balls, yeah exactly.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: To rewatch Idiocracy, m hmm, the World the greatest movie
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  Speaker 2: ever made. And you think that's gonna have it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: I know that's gonna Here's a loving husband.
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  Speaker 2: Forgot about the cheery, the chanting anytime a fight broke out,
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  Speaker 2: and how started to in high school that that's what
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  Speaker 2: everybody
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  Speaker 4: Y chary, yep, God, well, I guess that's it