Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 46 - Depression Be Happenin

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Episode 46 - Depression Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

0:17
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Make sure y'all are following us on all social media platforms at Alive I Guest Podcast.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries and feedback, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gma.com.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: And for all I say this with love submissions, visit tinyur.com slash AIGP advice.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing depression.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm someone who has had their own battles with depression.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: Depression is a part of my life, unfortunately.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: It comes and goes.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: I've had a lot of experience with it.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: I know people who experience depression.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: And it's something that is more common the more we see like today, especially with everything that's happening in life and world and shit is expensive and all the things.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: So it's something that I feel we really need to focus on and dive into.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Cause whether you are someone who deals with depression yourself or you love someone who deals with depression, I feel these stories and these pieces of information can be helpful for either one of those individuals.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening, say something out loud that you are grateful for.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: And if you are watching, drop something below in the comments.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: Today I am grateful for the fall season.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love the fall.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: It's my favorite time of year.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: I used to really love the winter until I realized like the vibe of fall is more my speed.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Even though the first couple weeks of fall felt like an extended summer.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, global warming, shout out to AI and all the motherfuckers who are ruining the planet.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: But now the fall is here.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: Now we are nice and cozy, and now we can really get into that five, that vibe, that fall vibe, and enjoy it.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: But all right, let's get into it.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: Cause depression be happening.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: Before we dive into today's topic, I just want to give a trigger warning that we might touch on topics such as suicide and suicidal ideation.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: As of today, as it stands, I am not depressed.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: Winter is coming, and that's usually when things tend to happen.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: But right now, I am not in a depressive state.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually in a great mood, a great state.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Life is good, but it is something that is something I know all too well.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not something that's theoretical or something that I just am aware of so I can speak to.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: Like I deal with depression.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that depression gets real intense.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: I've taken leave off of work multiple times.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: I have gone to outpatient classes multiple times and group therapy sessions and different types of like not hospitalization per se, but like outpatient resources through medical services because of my depression.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: Like this is something that is a true lived experience.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: I've loved people who have experienced and had and had to deal with depression.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: So it's something that I am very, very familiar with, and I think I am very um educated on speaking to and just like experienced so that I can speak to it.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: Now there is like a textbook version of depressive symptoms, you know, like the low energy, the isolation, the no hope for the future, very difficult to sleep, or maybe you're sleeping a lot, or it's very difficult to eat, or you're eating a lot.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: Like there are some common symptoms that are true across the board.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: But what isn't talked about in these textbooks is sometimes a person can even look like they're not depressed at all.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: A person can look completely normal, going, showing up to work, still going out, still partying with their friends, showing up at family activities, doing the extracurriculars, getting things done on time.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Like these are the versions of depression that tend to fly under the radar because they don't look depressive.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: And I have been on both sides of the spectrum.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: I've been deep in these very easy to recognize depressive symptoms.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: I've also been like a high-functioning depressive person.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: And I feel both are dangerous, but especially this one over here, where it's like you don't even realize a person is depressed, that can be the most harmful.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: There was this girl I knew.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: I won't give too many details, but it was a very big thing in my community where this girl was the life of the party, always in a good mood, always smiling, always cracking jokes.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: And underneath it all, she was depressed.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, this depression led her to taking her own life.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: And it was such a shock and a devastating blow to everyone around me because nobody saw it coming.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: Because she looked like she was doing well, she was thriving, she was all these other things.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't isolating, she wasn't doing all the textbook symptoms of depression.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: And it was just a very sad, sad time.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, very heartbreaking.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: And I know there have been thousands and thousands of cases of people who probably have ended up in the same boat as she has that didn't look like they were depressed.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Nobody saw it coming.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: I see people posting things like, this was two days before they ended their life.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Like I had no idea.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: And I really feel like that is the trickiest one to deal with because you don't see it coming.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: You think this person is fine, you think they're doing okay.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: You don't even think they have anything going on that can be anywhere near depression, but let alone to the point where they no longer want to live.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: I touched on the depression before my 30th birthday.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And to this day, I still feel that was the worst depression.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, there were signs in the beginning.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Uh, it started off where I was in this side of just like living life and not showing any signs of depression.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: I knew from experience that it was coming, like I felt it coming.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: I knew from like therapy and the unconscious things I was telling myself and the negative thoughts and just things that were starting to creep in.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: And then it turned to the textbook symptoms.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm isolating.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Now I don't want to go outside.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: Now I don't want to be around anyone.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm feeling hopeless.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Now, now, now, now all the different things that you hear.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: And that was one of the cases where I had to like take off work and I had to go to outpatient uh services and just really dedicate that period of my life to getting myself out of the red.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Like I have severe depression at times, and that can involve different things to treat that depression.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I know that it usually gets that bad, and I recognize it when I tend to try and like push through it and ignore that it's happening.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, because it's building, it's slowly getting worse, it's slowly getting more intense.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: And before it gets to the red, that's the moment that you can do something about it.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: But I try to act like everything's okay, act like everything's going to resolve, and it doesn't.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: And then it gets worse.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: And then I have to do all these different things to kind of fight it.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: Like then it becomes a crisis.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: And you never want to get to the point where you're trying to fight something in a crisis.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: You always want to do it when it's preventative.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: But we can get to that in a second.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: I want to stay on this point of feeling like I have to push through when I'm feeling depressed, instead of taking the time to address the depression as it's creeping in.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm very aware it's creeping in.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm very aware of the things that I'm feeling.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: And yet I tell myself, like, no, this isn't happening.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, it'll be okay.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: I'll put it to the side, put it on the back burner and worry about it later.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Because I think in my upbringing, what I heard and what I saw was just people pushing through whatever they were going through.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: You never saw people in a tough spot, especially not in my family.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: Like, we just got shit done.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: We didn't have time to be stopped by no depression or anything that we were dealing with mentally.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I never saw people dealing with depression.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Anytime there was something that came up that seemed like an obstacle, like it would just be kind of brushed off as like being in your feelings, or maybe you just need to like man up and like get through it.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: I know these people today would not feel the same way that they did before.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: It's just kind of like ignorance back then.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: We didn't have the knowledge or the education or like the awareness of things, but that wasn't something that we saw.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: So I think unconsciously, I've taken in that practice of trying to push through.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I'm pushing through if those things aren't stopping me.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: But that is why eventually I just continue to sweep it under the rug until can't sweep it under the rug anymore.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: And then it consumes my entire life and everything shuts down for weeks at a time.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I'm not the only one who's had this experience.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: I feel like this is something that was kind of just like a thing, especially when I was growing up.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: Like people didn't tend to address that.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, I'm not doing well and I need support.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: Especially back in the day when you were a kid, there was this notion that kids couldn't go through shit or experience anxiety or depression or stress or have PTSD or have triggers or none of that.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, what you gotta be upset for?
11:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, that was just kind of like the understanding for kids back then.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: I was also raised to be very independent and not depend on anybody for anything.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: So if I need help or I feel like I'm not doing well, the only person I'm going to turn to is myself.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Today, that is something I'm working on.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: That's something I'm actively working to change.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: So if I do feel these things coming up, I do know where to turn to.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: But that also comes with awareness and experience that not everybody is even in the know that they're lacking or missing those things, or even that not asking for help and pushing through is an issue.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: Some other misconceptions and just bad advice, not even advice, but like guidance we were given was like, what happens in this house stays in this house.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I'm going through things.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to hear that I'm going through those things.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: I need the help, but I can't tell anyone outside the house.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: So who else is going to support me in this?
12:12
SPEAKER_00: And I will say, like, my mom would have gotten me resources.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: I just wasn't aware I was going through the things I was going through at the time.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: But like the general consensus was like, we handle everything and I'm strong enough to deal with anything.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: So you add all those things on top of already feeling guilty, on top of that codependency.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: I guess I was manning up because I wasn't telling anyone I was like struggling.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: And I also feel there's this notion that like black people, queer people, kids can't go through depression.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Where that came from, I don't fucking know.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: But like, if you are a human being, living, breathing person, you can experience mental health issues.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: You can experience being depressed, being anxious, you can experience anything anyone else can experience.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: So why do you think who you're attracted to or how old you are or what color your skin is that you can't open the schools?
13:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, it was some children I should have been left behind.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: So shout out to George Bush.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Because depression is literally a medical condition, it's something that you cannot help.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: And it's not nothing that like you can pray away.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: Like if this is your brain chemistry, you're gonna need some help with getting you back to baseline.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying faith is not a good tool, but it's not the only tool.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: It's just something that can help you to getting yourself back to a regulated space.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: But I've just heard situations where people lean too far on faith, and it's like, you know, God may, yeah, I understand that might be what you believe in.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: Don't you think maybe He put these things on earth that can help you with the things that you're dealing with, like the things you're praying for?
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're already answered.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's at the hospital, maybe it's in the medication, maybe it's not just in this prayer.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's already here.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: You can use them.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: So tools are not just that, tools.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: They're here to help you.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: Faith is a great tool, but science is a great tool as well.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying that.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Now unfortunately, depression has claimed the life of too many people to count.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: I feel like if people understood that it's okay not to be okay, and understood that they could get resources and had support from people, that number would be significantly lower.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: Don't think you can save everybody, but I don't think it would be that high.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: People are dealing with these things on their own, they're not seeing any way through.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they don't have the funds or the resources or the knowledge to get a way to see things through.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: And they give up hope, they give up trying, they give up caring.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: And when I'm in depressive states, even though I have the funds and the resources and the support, I find myself in these suicidal ideations myself.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: The hopelessness of feeling like what you're dealing with will never get better.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: On top of for myself, I look at like the world as a whole and the conditions and the leadership and just the trajectory.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like what's it all for?
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, I get in those spaces, and even though these are rational fears to have, and the things I'm saying have logic to them, that isn't a strong enough basis to not want to experience life.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, bad shit is happening, but bad shit has always been happening, and to give up earlier than seeing it through is something that I try to lean on in moments where my ideation is very high.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: And as much as I have all this rationale and knowledge, it still does not defeat the fact that I experience it and other people experience it as well.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: So that is like the biggest flag when something is wrong.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: When I'm in those spaces, um it's it's not good.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: It gets very scary for myself.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Uh, the last depression that I had, I was in a very deep suicidal ideation.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, and almost leaned into it completely.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: I try and hold on to things when I'm in these moments.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: I try and hold on the love for my family and hope for the future, hope for building a life with children and things turning around.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: But when you have those negative thoughts and everything that's already been building kind of like the loudest in your head, and you have no motivation, and you're probably not eating right, and you're probably not sleeping well, and you haven't gotten any sunlight, like it's hard to kind of be like rational with yourself.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: Um, very fortunately, I did not give in to those temptations.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, and that wasn't by myself.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna sit here and be like, I was strong enough to just not give in.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: No, I have what you call a safety plan in the therapeutic space, especially as it is in regards to depressive episodes.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: A safety plan is something that helps you identify like the early signs.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: And it is just that.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: Like it's a plan for you to be safe.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: So it's like, what does it look like when RJ starts to get depressed?
18:24
SPEAKER_00: What are the signs?
18:25
SPEAKER_00: For me, when that location goes off, that's probably not good.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: Or extended amount of time.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I just turn it off because I don't need people in my business, but like extended amount of times.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm not calling people back, I'm not responding to texts, I'm not reaching out.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: That's a sign.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: I am starting to really like get hermit mode and isolate in the things that I enjoyed before.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm not like leaning into, like, I like to watch women's basketball or I like to watch certain shows and I'm not doing that.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's when we might start to have a problem.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Now, busy seasons of life, sometimes those things also happen because I'm just busy, but also pairing it with like emotion.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: How are you feeling?
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Am I starting to feel more gloomy?
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Am I starting to speak negative more and more often?
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Am I starting to have negative thoughts more often?
19:21
SPEAKER_00: And just being aware of the unconscious things that might be trying to seep in.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: So that's one early signs.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: Then it's like, okay, what are some resources you can do while it's still early that can help you feel better?
19:37
SPEAKER_00: What are things that you can lean on?
19:38
SPEAKER_00: So identifying tools and practices and activities that you might enjoy that might be a lower lift.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: Cause when you are already in a depressive state, you barely have the energy to do shit.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: So if you're like, I'm gonna start going to the gym five times a day, girl, you can't even get up from the bed.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: That's not going to happen.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: So identifying some lower lift stuff, like maybe going on a walk, maybe being around family, maybe watching a certain movie, like just identifying those lower things that you can use.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: Also, there are some actions that can be taken, like if you feel it's getting worse.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: So if you have any weapons that you have access to, or if there is something else that you can lean on that can be harmful, like medications or alcohol, whatever it is, like having those things removed.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: Now, me personally, I am a firearm owner, as you should be too.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: But when I get in these spaces, part of my safety plan, and my wife knows we have an agreement.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: When I am in these spaces, the firearms have to be removed from the house.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: I cannot have access to them.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: They need to go.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: And because of that, I even have another friend who is involved with like it can go to you because it's got to be out the house and anywhere outside the house that my wife has access to, I have access to.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: So it just gets removed completely.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: But that's another step.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the action plan when shit gets real bad, you know?
21:23
SPEAKER_00: So that's one.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, setting up therapy calls if I am not actively in therapy, like looking into um more intense therapy sessions with people or like more consistently.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, now I have the ketamine therapy that is being added to my safety plan.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, and just like whatever helps me in those really, really intense phases.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: And then finally, identifying like reasons to continue to get better or like want.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Get better, or just want to keep living, like identifying those people, identifying those reasons, and those are usually the people that you can call as well.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: So, like my wife, my mom, my brothers, my friends, my grandparents, and all the other extended family that goes on beyond that, like having this comprehensive safety plan at my disposal, and not just my disposal, but my wife's disposal.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if my mom has it.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: I think I might have sent it to her, but like it's not just on me.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: So even in those moments where I feel like I can't ask for help or I don't want to ask for help, they're aware of the signs.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: They have the plan, they know what to do.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's why it's so important to have community and to have support from people who love you and don't take your hardships personally because you think I want to be depressed and not talking and not doing shit and being in the house.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, but sometimes that shit does happen, and it's important to have people to kind of pull you back.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: And if they can't pull you back, we have a whole plan and strategy to where I don't wind up on the other end of this lifetime.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: I have a plan in place that can keep me here, can bring me back, and get me back to a place where I am regulated again because I've gotten very close to not surviving it, and I never want to be in that position again.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: And so it is something that I take very seriously.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: And if you're someone who deals with depression, I would highly, highly recommend you draft and develop a safety plan yourself and you share it with a person or people who are one on the safety plan.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: Anyone who you're going to call needs to know when you might be headed towards depression.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: And they need to understand where they come in and what they need to do.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: So find those people, give them a draft of your plan.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: And as things change, as your interests change, and be like, you know, when I used to go on walks, that used to help.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: But now that really don't do shit because now I'm spiraling and thinking of stuff.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: So like I have to update that, you know.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: As things change, update that plan.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: Because maybe your symptoms or your warning signs might change and people might be waiting on this, but you over here doing something completely different, feeling the early stages of depression, you know?
24:38
SPEAKER_00: So it's something to always keep up to date and always make sure that the people who love you and who support you and who can help you have the most up-to-date version.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, I need to update mine.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: On top of having a safety plan, I'ma preach it till I'm blue in the face.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Get a therapist, get in therapy.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: There are different types of therapy resources for different people at different affordability ranges that can offer therapy services.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: If you cannot afford a$200 an appointment therapist, which who can, there are other means of therapy.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: There are other modalities of therapy.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: There are group therapy.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: If you can't afford anything in an official capacity, just make sure you have a community of some sorts.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: You cannot get through this alone.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: It is very difficult.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: You got into this space alone.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: So you're going to need someone to help bring you out of that.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: And it's probably going to take more than one person, and it's probably going to take more than one thing to do so.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: So make sure you have therapy of some sort.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: But if it can be professional, I would highly recommend getting professional therapy.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: As for that safety plan, get it in place before you're depressed.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: You're not going to be able to have the capacity to build out an entire elaborate plan with action items and things to be helpful for, like as you're actively in it.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: So get that plan in place before you get to that point.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Because we're trying to make this a preventative measure versus a reactionary measure, like when it's far, far, far into the depression.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: So work on that before you're there.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: And if you are in a space where you are in a mental health crisis, and if your job has the medical parameters set up for you to do so, take leave off of work.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Work will survive, then projects will survive, your co-workers will survive, the people, the economy, the capitalism, it'll survive.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: You need to get yourself back to a space where you can function and not worry about that job.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: Now, bills, income, I get that.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: Look into your plan, look into FMLA, which is job protection for when you go on leave.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: There are certain percentages that you can be covered for through the state.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what states you might be in, but just check to see the resources you have at your disposal so that you can go on leave.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: I know before I went on my first leave, I was like, I can't leave.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: I just started this job.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: I think I went on leave two months after starting my job.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: Not even, probably like a month and a half.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: My job was still there when I got back.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: The company was still standing, nothing burned down.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, if you need time off, take the time off because pushing through, I'm telling you, will only make things 10 times worse.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: And your company really isn't gonna give a fuck.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: If you don't do something and you get so depressed and you aren't here tomorrow, I promise you, your job will replace you within the next couple weeks.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: The wheel keeps going.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: So you gotta look out for you.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: So if needed, if it's something that you can do, take that leave, baby.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And like, understand, like, life is hard.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: It's alright to be depressed.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: It's understandable to not be optimistic about life or the future all the time.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: We are in very chaotic times, is too much going on.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: I don't know the statistic numbers about depression rates these days, but if I had to just take a look around and assume, I would feel like those rates are up.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: It kind of makes sense for people to be depressed now.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Nobody can afford things.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: We are boiling on this planet.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: Can't afford rent, can't get jobs.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, it makes sense to be depressed.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: So if you're telling yourself, like, I can push through it, the system isn't built for you to just push through and be okay.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, we aren't made to deal with all these things all at once, all the time.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: So you hitting a depressive episode every now and then is fine.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: And know there are resources to help you out when you get to those spaces.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do it alone.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be strong.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: You deserve to feel okay, and you deserve to be cared for until you do feel okay.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: So just, I know it can be difficult letting your guard down and being at the mercy of other people to help support you, but everybody needs support every now and then.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: As a person who did not want to lean on people, did not want to ask for help.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: I had to learn how to do that.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: And if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be sitting here in front of you today.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: I would have been gone for a few years at this point.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: So understand it's all right not to be alright.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: For those of you who may not be depressed yourselves, but are supporting somebody who's experiencing depression, I offer the following tips for you.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, because I have experienced in my life where people think they're helping by doing certain things, but sometimes those things not only don't help, but can be very harmful.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: So, from someone who has experienced depression many times and knows what good support looks like and bad support looks like, and have also heard the professionals talk about what good support looks like versus bad support, I offer you this guidance.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: Show up consistently, not just in a crisis.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: Building that rapport and building that trust with that person before they get to the crisis is going to make it easier for them to come to you in their hour of need.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: And it's also gonna be able to provide the opportunity of learning when this person is in a good space and when this person is not in a good space so that you can recognize it maybe even before they do.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: So the consistency is key.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: And also when you show up, do not show up trying to fix things, just offer support.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they just need a listening ear, maybe they just need to be in the presence of someone else, but do not try and like add logic to their emotion because that is the easiest way to make them feel dismissed and make them feel like there is no reason to keep going.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: It's hopeless.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't figure this out.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, you make it sound so easy, but that's not what I'm feeling.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And it can really just add fuel to their fire and put them in an even worse spot.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: When you check in, check in without making it a huge deal.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: Like coming in hot, anxious, scared that they might do something is understandable.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Like why you would, especially if there's someone who's like experiencing suicidal ideation, but making a spectacle of it will make that person feel worse.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, even if you try and hide it, like people can pick up on it.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: So really come in just like gently and not like I don't want anything, do anything or don't want you to do anything to yourself.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I need to be around, you need to call me an like that's too much.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: So bump the brakes and just check in, be curious, be supportive, be open to hearing what they have to say, and kind of let them set the tone on what they need from you.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: Don't take the isolation personal, it has less to do with you than you think.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: If anything, if they're anything like me, they are isolating because they don't want to be a burden and they don't want to dump on you.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Not because you did something, not because they don't trust you, not because there's anything wrong with you, but when you're in these spaces, you just feel like you can be such an issue to people and the people that you love, you don't want to be an issue to.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: So it's not that you're the problem.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: The problem lies in their mind.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: So don't take it personal.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Plus, taking it personally might interfere with the ways in which you can show up and the ways in which you offer support.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: So that's very important to remember.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: Learn their specific signs.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people are good at hiding what they're going through, but there will be tales.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: There are subtle things.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: I mentioned it before, but when that location goes off, people are like, You good?
33:42
SPEAKER_00: When I don't respond to a text, maybe fast enough, maybe it's been a few days, maybe it's been a week, two, that phone is going to ring.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: They're just checking in.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: If I start doing certain stuff, my wife's gonna be like, Hey, what's what's going on with you?
33:57
SPEAKER_00: You've been talking more about things in a negative way, like, you alright?
34:01
SPEAKER_00: Like, learn people's signs.
34:03
SPEAKER_00: If you know them, you'll know how they operate.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: You also know when something seems off.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: So just pay attention.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: Finally, if someone tells you that they are not okay, believe them.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: Don't tell them they're exaggerating, don't tell them you'll be all right, don't tell them like, girl, what you talking about?
34:24
SPEAKER_00: Don't take it like a joke.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Believe them.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: Because that probably took a lot for them to get to that point to be like, hey, I'm not okay.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And it's probably not that they're not okay, they're probably doing a lot worse than that.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: So if you tell them you're fine, if you dismiss them, that's only gonna push them in the opposite direction.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: So do not do that.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: That is the worst thing you could do to a person.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: But regardless, if you are the one supporting or if you're the one dealing with it, remember how loved that person is at the end of the day.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: How loved you are, how much life there is to live, how many beautiful things there are to experience.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: If you make this decision to leave now, you'll never know how it plays out.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: You'll never know what could have been.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: You'll never get to see the other side if you keep trying.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: Will things be hard?
35:22
SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
35:24
SPEAKER_00: If you aren't here to experience it, you'll never have that answer.
35:27
SPEAKER_00: Remember the people that you love love you deeply.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: Remember, you mean something to this world, and there is a beautiful life ahead of you that you deserve to experience.
35:39
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of love and happiness, enjoyment, pleasure, trips, money, experiences, beauty, everything is ahead of you, and you really deserve to experience that.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: This moment of depression is just a moment you will get through it.
36:00
SPEAKER_00: There are resources, there are people who want to see you here.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: Try to remember that in these moments.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: If you can't remember it, that is why we have the safety plan.
36:10
SPEAKER_00: So lean on that safety plan.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: And from one person who was in your position at one point, might be in your position in the future.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: I know what you're going through.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: If anything else, know that you are not alone in this and I support you.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: I wish you the best.
36:29
SPEAKER_00: If there is some way in which I can help, you can always reach out to me and we could talk about it together because there is no judgment over here.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: I am a depressed soul at times.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: So don't give up.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: Like I know, I know in those moments you want to give up.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: But I promise you, if you just keep moving through it and lean on these different resources at your disposal, it will get better.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: All right, y'all.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: Let's get into this.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, if you want a chance to have your information read during one of these episodes, visit that tiny URL link and submit all your tea there.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: How do you stay calm when it feels like the whole world is on fire?
37:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm not even someone who watches the news all day, but it finds me anyway.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: I'll be scrolling for five minutes and suddenly I'm anxious about stuff I can't do anything about.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: Last night I was fine, made dinner, put a show on, and then I picked up my phone and spent two hours doom scrolling and couldn't sleep.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: Everyone keeps saying, just focus on what you can control.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, all right, but what does it actually look like?
37:43
SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty when I log off, like I'm ignoring it, and I feel awful when I stay on.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: I just want to feel normal again.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
37:54
SPEAKER_00: I feel you.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: This is something I still deal with, even though I have the awareness that it might be a problem, and it actually attributes to me like not feeling great.
38:05
SPEAKER_00: You want to be informed, but you don't want to be fucking depressed all the time.
38:09
SPEAKER_00: Like, I get it.
38:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like there are things that are within our control that we should focus on.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: It is good to be informed about things, especially with like elections or things that just come up that actually have to do with our livelihood.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: And just being aware of what's going on around you.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: But being on social media, it's like you're taking a fucking dive right into the middle of all of it.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: So something that I feel I need to do for myself is really have like outlets of news to where I can check for certain things and then like log off.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: But social media, it's a habit, you know.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: You get on, you scroll in and it'll mix in some good things, and then here comes the trauma, and then it'll mix in good things, and then even more trauma, and like I just need to like detox for a while sometimes.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: So, really being on it all the time is not good for our health.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, it makes things just feel like, what the fuck are we doing what are we doing?
39:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's the point in all this shit?
39:18
SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna get better.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: But like, that's not true.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: It's just when you're dealing with an algorithm that only shows you things that it feels like you want to see because you're spending the time looking at the things, like it's only gonna exacerbate the issue.
39:32
SPEAKER_00: So find a trusted source that is not giving you bullshit and stay informed.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: Maybe take social media detoxes.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: You gotta mix it up and figure out what works best for you.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: But like keeping up with this is not going to lead you to a better mental health space.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: Take it from me.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: All right, y'all.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: That's it for this week's episode.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, make sure y'all following us on social media, hitting us up on the email for all inquiries, and visiting the tiny ray link to submit for I Say This With Love.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate you.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Like it, like it, like it, like it, like it.