Latest / Two Broke Chicks / How to Glow Up Your Dating & Relationships ft. Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Transcript

How to Glow Up Your Dating & Relationships ft. Intimacy & Relationship Coach · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm now sorry I said
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: that and I stared at her right she was saying
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: you sip and welcome to two Broake Chicks to show
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: that she has life lessons and tips to help make
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: you rich in life. And today we are joined by
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: relationship and intimacy coach Susie Kim.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Hello, happy to be here.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: We've got you on because this episode is dropping the
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: week of Valentine's Day, and we asked the chicks to
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: send in their dating and relationship and intimacy dilemmas and
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: oh boy, I think it was the most responses to
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: a story we've ever had.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, yeah.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So all of the questions that we're asking today
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: are inspired by the submissions from you chicks, So thank
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: you so much for writing in. And I'm sure we'll
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: get into all the details of all the dilemmas, but
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: before we do, we like to start with our life
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: lesson of the week. So, as our guest, would you
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: like to kick yourself?
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Yes? Love to.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: So my life lesson this week is it's a bit
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: of like an oldie, but a goodie. But I feel
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: like best life lessons are kind of like they repeat themselves.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: They yeah, they're classics.
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: So I went on the weekend camping and hiking with
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: my husband and we kind of had a fight the
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: night before. So I was like grumpy because we were
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: getting there really late, and we had these things like well,
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: should I just drop you off there and youry to
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: do it by yourself and like yeah, and it's like no,
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: let's just get there, let's just do it. So we
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: like started at the trailhead at like four pm.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: It was late.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: It was really grumpy, but then you know, we walked down,
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: got into the valley, had to swim in the river,
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: camped overnights, h sokatas blah blahlahlah blah lah, camped out,
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: and like, you know, the life lesson for me is
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: like I think, firstly it's I always go to nature,
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: always with it. Yeah, but also it's like, even when
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: things are a bit grumpy and when things are a
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: bit tense, like just do the nice thing, like crowd
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: that out with the nice experience, and then that sometimes
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: has its own momentum and just takes over. Yeah, you know,
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: because I think like we're always going to fight about
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: this thing, like getting to nature late. We've thought about
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: it like so many times before, yeah, and you.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Know, and then you get there and you're like, where
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: are we fighting?
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: So true to get.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Dragged down by the details like oh, well we were
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: supposedly fifteen minutes ago, or I told you blah blah,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: like you took the wrong turn, like all these little things.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: But and sometimes it's hard not to hold onto that
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: and be like, still be grumpy, but then you're ruining
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: the nice experience that you could have had together. I
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: feel like as an intimacy and relationship coach, you would
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: have the most mature fights ever.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: Oh yes, and no I think I think when I'm
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: having the non mature fights, I've got like a running
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: commentary in the back of my mind being like, oh,
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: I'm not really feeling this properly, but you know what,
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: I don't want to be the mature.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: One right now.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Is actually nice to know like that, you know, even
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: experts are human, and like you're allowed to have your
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: moments where you're like, no, I don't want to be
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: mature right now.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: And I honestly think the best thing, like the most
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: mature part of fighting is like does just make sure
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: you repair? Just make sure you own your staff and repair,
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: and that's that's kind of all you need to do.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: You love that. What's your life lesson?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: My life lesson is a quote that I saw on
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: TikTok so I don't know where its origins are, but
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: and I thought it was helpful for this episode. But
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  Speaker 1: it's the quote that if they couldn't speak, with their
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: actions be enough? Love it, I know, right, Like, if
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: they couldn't speak, would their actions be enough?
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  Speaker 2: Like if you're not getting the apology.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Messages and I'm sorry, I actually do really care about you,
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  Speaker 1: Like no, I won't do it again.
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  Speaker 5: Blah blah blah, take that away.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Actions speak out of them.
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  Speaker 1: It hits yeah, right, And I feel like there was
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: definitely a time in my life that if I saw that,
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  Speaker 1: I would have hurt my own feelings.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah that I was like, fuck, no, it doesn't it's
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  Speaker 2: not enough. I feel like a lot of chicks just
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: went a shit. Yeah, I appreciate that. What's your life lessen? Okay,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Well I'll be the odd one out because mine isn't
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: relationship themed, but that's okay. Mine is a reminder to
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: always put air tags in things that are important to you.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I got a pair of headphones for Christmas and really
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: cherish them and love them, and I left them in
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: a cafe yesterday and I was like, why didn't I
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: have an air tag in the case, because I have
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: an AirTag in my old headphones. And luckily it all
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: ended up fine. The lovely cafe owner had found them
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: and had them behind the cash red just waiting for
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: me this morning. But I was like, oh my god,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: the peace of mind I would have had last night
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: if I had it and been like, oh, it's at
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: the cafe, I can go get it. Reminder to use
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: your air tags.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Love that ten out of ten. Yeah, all right, shall
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: we get into the episode.
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  Speaker 2: Let's do it.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to start with a big question first, and
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: it is probably like the most common question that we get,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: and it is what are your top.
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  Speaker 2: Three dating red flags? Or what are the top three
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: dating red flags?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, this is a good one.
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  Speaker 4: I think that one of the top red flags is
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: when someone tells you that they can't something like I
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: can't meet you, i'm not ready, I'm not available. When
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: they actually say those words, I think sometimes, especially as women,
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: we kind of go, oh.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but maybe they're just not ready, but they will be.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: I can change him.
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  Speaker 4: I can change him, you know, I can feel that
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: he actually really loves me, but actually he's saying something else.
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  Speaker 3: Nah. If they're saying that straight out, take that for
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  Speaker 3: what it is, right, hate the words for me.
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  Speaker 4: Do not try to convince that or change that in
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  Speaker 4: any way. That's one another two. The second one is like,
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: if you're talking about relationship history and they have no
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: insight or self awareness into like their part what happened
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: in their past relationships and they only have slightly bad
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: to say, or they just don't really have anything to say,
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  Speaker 4: They don't really know anything. It just it just shows
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  Speaker 4: you that they don't have that capacity to self reflect
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  Speaker 4: on their behavior, and it's going to be a nightmare relationship.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So when they're like sitting they're being like, oh, my
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  Speaker 1: RS was crazy, isn't it.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And it's like, oh, what did you do?
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  Speaker 3: What did you contribute to that?
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  Speaker 5: What did you do that made her crazy?
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  Speaker 3: Because I know you did for sure.
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  Speaker 4: I think the third one is if they're being a
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  Speaker 4: little bit mean to you, or if they're being a
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  Speaker 4: little bit mean to other people. I just think like
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  Speaker 4: in the beginning, you only want people to be open
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  Speaker 4: and available and loving. And if you're sort of getting
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: hints that they're actually being really critical of you from
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: day one, it's like, nah, just get out of there.
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  Speaker 4: Get You're in for a lifetime of hell.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, because like at the start, that's when it's supposed
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  Speaker 1: to be literally the smoothest of sailing, yes, exactly. And
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  Speaker 1: then I feel like sometimes and like I've done this
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  Speaker 1: in the past as well. At the start, if it's
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: like spicy, you think that's exciting, and like the fighting
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  Speaker 1: it's like.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: On we bough, but then we have great makeup says.
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  Speaker 5: It's like nothing, that's passion. It's not passion.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: They're a dick. Yeah, yeah exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And that's gonna get old real fast.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: It's gonna get old real fast.
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  Speaker 4: And like that beginning when people start new relationships and
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: it's really hectic in the beginning and on and off
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  Speaker 4: and this and that, it's like you want that beginning
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: to be what you look back on years later, to
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: be like.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: Remember we had that. Yeah, you could get something like yeah,
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: this reservoir of like happy memories.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like a strong foundation for sure. And I've said
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: before on the show, but when people show their true colors,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: believe them. Yes, yeah, What are some signs that they're
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: just not that into you?
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  Speaker 6: Oh?
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  Speaker 3: There are so many. There are so many.
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  Speaker 4: And I think this is so important for like chicks
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  Speaker 4: especially to just like have a little list in the
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  Speaker 4: back of the mind, like not in a way where
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: they're weaponizing it and then you're jumping down, just in
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  Speaker 4: a way of like all right, yeah, take no, I'm
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  Speaker 4: just going to take this in calmly and then I
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: can make some rational decisions.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 4: So I think that one of them really is around.
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  Speaker 4: Are they replying to you in a timely manner?
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  Speaker 6: Right?
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  Speaker 4: Because if a guy is really into you, yeah, you
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: will know. You will know because you will feel like
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: he's replying to you, he's messaging you, he's making plans,
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  Speaker 4: he's considering you, he's thinking about things that you said,
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: and like maybe giving you a little gift or maybe
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: like making a little comment like you will one hundred
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: percent not with the consistency and the care and the
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: consideration that he's showing you.
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  Speaker 2: What would you consider timely? Yeah, I want an hourly
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: or daily breakdown.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: I'd say like within a day, yeah, for sure, or
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: like if he message at the start of the day,
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: at least by end of day.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: I do think that like a guy, no matter how
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: busy he is, if he's really into you, he will
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: carve out time in his day too.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Reply great, I completely agree.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: When they'll be like, sorry, like life's just been hectic,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I've just been so busy.
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  Speaker 3: There unless they're like diying down a mind shaft.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: Astronaut on Mars.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: That's like in surgery for hours.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay, astronaut or surgeon.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: These are only two exceptions. Okay, what else.
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: It's around like is he getting annoyed at little things
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: that you do? Or does he have actually quite a
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: lot of grace around it and he's he kind of
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: like really open and curious about just whoever you are.
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: Because when a guys really into you, everything you do
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: is kind of shiny to them, but it really is
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: for a while exactly, everything's cute, everything's like oh wow,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: like okay, it's not annoying, right, and they're just sort
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: of open and really like there's this energy of like
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: delight like when a guy's into you, you know, like
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: even if guys aren't expressive, it's like, oh, yeah, that's cool.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah that's nice, a little smile.
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: And I think that's really obvious to a girl because
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: you just feel so relaxed. You can kind of say anything,
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: do anything, be anything, and they're just like.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Oh cool, yeah yeah.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And also like showing interest in the things that you're
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: passionate about, right, Like what if they're sort of like
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: you're talking about your work or something that you've got
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: coming up, like a holiday or something. Is how they
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: respond to that important?
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: It is? Right, it is.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, I really want to like
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: cater to some of the guys who are like more
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: introverted and they don't like express as much as maybe
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: some girls or maybe guys who are more extroverted. So
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, they're sometimes they're not the greatest at
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: asking questions, but they are interested.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, how.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Can you tell that distinction between somebody who isn't interested
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: or somebody who is maybe a little bit more introverted
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: or maybe they just want to ease into the relationship.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: So it's not that they're not committed, Like, how do
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: you know if they're not committed or they're just easing
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: into it.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, how do you know if they're not committed or
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: just easing into it. I think there's like so in
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: their energy. I think there's like an openness if they're
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: interested in you, but they're just a little bit like withdrawal,
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: a little bit shy. They will give you space when
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: you talk, and when you say stuff, they will probably
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: say like a little considerate thing back, which shows that
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: they've been listening. When a guy is not interested, like honestly,
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: it's kind of it's kind of obvious, Yeah, talk about themselves,
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: or they're not that or they're just not that receptive
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: to what you have to say, or they don't really
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: have a response, you know, like they just don't really
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: respond the same way, or they kind of like what
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: do they do they like, Yeah, it's like they don't
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: really contact you, they're not really that interested, they don't
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: really respond.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: I think that they're the things.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like the biggest thing you said as
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: well is like if they're interested in you, you won't
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: be confused, like you'll know and if you're confused, they're
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: probably not that interested.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: And it's either they're not interested or they don't have
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: the capacity to show up in the way that you
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: want them to.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: Sometimes guys really really want to.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: And I feel like, especially like maybe younger guys also
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: older guys.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Let's face it, you.
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Known, man, everyone does this, but like they will often say, oh,
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: you know, I love you and I want to be
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: this person for you. But it's like, can they actually
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: do that? Sometimes they just don't have the capacity or
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: the maturity to do it. So I think that's about
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: like judging do they have the maturity as well.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: As the desire. Yeah.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: So another thing that we got sent in a lot
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: was that the chicks are keen to get off the
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: dating app. Yeah, so what are some ways that people
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: can meet new people and make genuine connection?
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: Yes, okay, I love this question because I think that
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: what chicks do not do enough of is meet people
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: in real life. And I think that, you know, a
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: lot of people tell me they're like, oh, I go
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: out and like I just do the same thing every
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: day and I'm not really meeting anyone new. But if
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: you go out and you go about your daily life, Okay, firstly,
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: you want to be doing a little bit more than
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: your daily life, Like, yes, go to some events, hang
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: out with your friends, friends, like just be like yourself.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: But like times one point five social, right, I love that.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: But even when you're going out your daily daily life
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: and going to your cafe, go to your gym, go
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: to this, like, don't just stay buried on your phone.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: If you see a Q guy, actually like get up
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: out of.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: There, face him, yeah, make eye contact, yeah, and smile.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, why so I am very interested?
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: And that's what that's like such a big part of it.
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: It's like are you actually making eye contact and smiling
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: at people? And then are you just like making a
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: little bit of conversation if they smile back.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: But it doesn't matter what you.
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: Say, if they're interested in they're keen.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: Oh they will take that so quickly. Yeah, they will
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: reply right then and there because they just want an
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: excuse and they're excited. They just want it opening.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: And it's so interesting, especially because you know this is
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: audio people can't see. But even when you were just
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: saying that, you lifted like your shoulders back, like rather
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: than concaving in, you like lifted your shoulders back and
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: like open literally opened yourself up to conversation.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: That I think is so.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Interesting And yeah, just even like not sitting on your
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: phone and like being opened so that someone can like.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Take your headphones off. Yeah, nobody's going to come up
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: and strike a conversation with you. Well, no respectable person
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: is going to come up and do that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't want to disturb you.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when what it's like a pet talk though that
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you can say in your head because it's like nerve racking.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Okay, So this is the thing I think so many
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: people are like, Oh, it's so awkward, it's going to
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: be so cringe. It's like, just be cringe, be awkward.
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: It's okay, right, it's okay. I think, like I feel
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: like I've heard you talk about this before, Like if
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: anything that you want to do but you're putting yourself
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: out there is going to feel a little bit cringe, it's.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: Fine, you know.
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: And so it's like it's okay to be cringe, and
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: I'm just going to be open and friendly. Like you're
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: not really doing anything, you're just literally being open and friendly.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: And so many people don't do that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And those moments so often, when you look back
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: on the early stages of your relationship, they're really endearing.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Like when you if you do pursue something with this person.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: You'll be like, remember that time when I came up
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: to you and I like awkwardly tripped over my words
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: or I tried to hit on you and blah blah.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Like you guys will laugh about that together as well,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So maybe you can be like, this will be an
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: endearing origin story.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: It's funny to tell your friends about it later exactly
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: and be like, guys, it is the stupidest thing.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have one of two options. It will be
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: really romantic one day, or it will be fucking funny.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: For your friends.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: I love that those are two good options. Do you
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: have a formula for how to be more confident for
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: a first date?
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Look my formula?
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: Okay, you know how everyone's like being yourself and then
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: like there are all these memes like but myself is
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: really weird.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: So it's like, look, there's true to that.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: But I think it's like step one, get into your
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: most relax version. Whatever is available to you in that
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: moment doesn't have to be the most relax version, right,
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: that's what. And when you're relaxed, you're just naturally kind
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: of who you are.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: A bit more.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: Two, you're always having a narrative right when you're an interaction,
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: Am I doing this?
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: Am I showing up like this? I'm a little bit
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: more nervous. Down'm a bit more tense today. The inner
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: narrative that you want to cultivate is like, whatever it is,
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: however I'm showing up is completely okay, right, So that's
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: like that inner narrative.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: Going on at the same time all the time.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: I'd say, as as a baseline, and then three is
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: then you just want to amplify a tiny bit the
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: more fun, playful parts of your personality, the curious, the flirty.
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: So you're just amplifying that like a little bit, like
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: sprinkle a little bit dust on that ast.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, gst exactly.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really good advice because on our first date
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: as well, people don't know you, so they don't know
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: that maybe you're amplifying it a little bit, whereas I
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: think people are like, well, like I feel like a
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: phony or I'm really nervous or whatever, and they feel
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: like they're going to be like not genuine if they're
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: amping it up.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know the person doesn't.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: I have something to say to that, because yes, you're right,
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: the other person doesn't know, And I think it's really
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: great to just say that you feel nervous day.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: You know, like I have a really cracked thing that
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: I used to do on dates. Oh my god, was
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: really cracked.
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: I used to play this game where okay, do you
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: want to play a game?
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but the game is do you want to share?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: What would like? What's the most vulnerable thing for you
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: to share right now?
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I hate it?
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: What would people say? Well?
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: I did it with my husband our first date, and
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: he shared that he's not a short guy, but he's
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: not six foot.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: He used to be under six foot, and he said.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: You know, when I went on dating apps, a lot
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: of girls are saying they only want six foot and over.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: So now, like, it just made me a little bit
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: self conscious about my height. So that's what I wondered.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: You know, Oh my god, what did you say for me?
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Oh my mine was so similar.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: Mine was like, oh, I feel a little bit self
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: conscious in what I'm wearing because it was a really
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: quick day and I feel like I might not look
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: the best right now.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Oh I hate it. I mean, I just hate.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: Being It's really it's really intense thing to do. I
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: wouldn't recommend it unless you're like a real like emotional
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: depth junkie.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: But it does lead to some pretty cute results.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: It's a good icebreaker.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it could just be I feel really awkward
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: and nervous right now.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's okay to acknowledge that the elephant
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: in the room. Yeah, yeah, okay.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: This one was also a spicy question that we got
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: sent in a lot, and it is the saying once
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: a cheater, always a cheat out true, Can you ever
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: move on.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: From cheating in a relationship?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Like? I think that's a two parter.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: I don't think so.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I think it really depends on like, Okay, I think
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: there's a big difference between a one off cheating and
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: like a repeated pattern of compulsive or just repetitive behavior.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: So if they've.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: Cheated in every single relationship, yeah, that would be a
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: red flag, right. There's something going on and there's something
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: subconscious that's driving them or maybe conscious, right, which means
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: that likely going to happen in your relationship if it's
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: just a one off and they've really like went into
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: it and they felt really bad about it, and you
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: know they've done their own reflection on it and know
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: how it happened to I don't think it's necessarily a
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: red flag. A lot of people have cheated, you know,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: men and women. It happens. It's just a fact of life,
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: you know. So I think if you have that that
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: circumspection and that reflection and that self awareness around it,
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be a red flag.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: I think it could be could be a green flag.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Even honest about the situation and they.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: Have the learnings right because I think sometimes like what
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: I see is cheating happens, and it's so like excoriated
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: people like that's so bad. But what I see is like,
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: you know what cheating happens, and it sometimes happens in
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: a way that's so powerful you almost like can't prevent it,
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: you know, And that's a really uncomfortable fact for something people.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: You know, I don't like it.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: I don't. It's uncomfortable, right, But it can be so
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: powerful how it happens, but it doesn't also doesn't just happen.
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: So it's like, if you know how it happened, there
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: was all this disconnection in the relationship, or you're going
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: through a personally a hard time, you didn't want to
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: share it with your partner, whatever, there was someone at work,
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: you got close to them slowly and then at a
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: party it happened, you know, whatever the circumstances. I think
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: it can give you a lot to reflect on.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it really like warrants a big conversation.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, what if you're in a relationship
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: and your partner has cheated on you, can you ever
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: come back from that? Or do you have any advice
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: for somebody who has gone through that?
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So that was obviously like so painful to go through,
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: and it's like a big it's a big trauma for
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: the relationship. It's a big relationship trauma. You can come
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: back from it. I think like it takes a while,
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: you know, And I think it takes like so much
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: willingness on the person who cheated to really be right
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: and revealing. And I think like what it does is
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: it reveals like everything that hasn't been addressed in the
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: relationship has to kind of come up and be seen.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: Is generally how it happens. Surely what works.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: And I think for the person who's been cheated on,
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: at some stage, like not immediately, but at some stage
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: you've got to decide like, am I actually going to
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: forgive my partner and let go even though it really
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: hurt me and it completely brought me to my knees
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: and it's so scary and I don't know if I
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: can trust you.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Am I still going to forgive them?
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: Like you kind of have to go through that process
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: or you know, you let you let it go, you know,
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: because I think it's hell to stay in a relationship
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: not forgive them and then just have that drag out
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: for like five years. You know, if you've been cheated on,
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: there's a lot of pain that you also need to
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: deal with, Like, yes, you need to deal with as
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: a couple, preferably in some sessions, but you personally need
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: to deal with the pain that you're feeling, you know,
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: and that like I think being cheated on can also
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: bring up a lot of other stuff, Like you know,
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: it really depends like it's your earlier attachment trauma, Like
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: did you have a parent who wasn't like emotionally present
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: or did you have a parent who literally left?
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: Like what what else has been going on?
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: Because I think if you're cheated on, it's such a
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: big trauma you can bring up anything that's like any
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: other insecurities that were there already in yourself, which aren't
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: really to do with your partner. So I think there's
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: definitely a measure of like self healing and self responsibility
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: as well as couple healing.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: It's such a thing that it's like there's no blanket
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: blanket term and it is a case by case. But
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you just mentioned attachment styles, which for the chicks, if
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: you don't know what attachment styles are, there's three types secure, anxiety,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: and avoidant, and then you can kind of break them down.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: Right, yeah, and then there's just disorganized Oh that's right, Yeah, which.
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: Is like that.
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: That's me.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: That was like a mix between anxiety and avoidant.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you sort of go between.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: But one kind of type that we get a lot
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: of messages that relate to is the avoidant person. So
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: what are three tips if you're dating an avoidant person?
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, So I would say if you are an anxious
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: girlie and you're dating someone avoidant, I would say, look,
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: just think twice about that. I think it's a lesson
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: that a lot of people go through and at some
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: point you might go, you know what, it's actually going
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: to be better for me to date someone who's a
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: little bit more secure. It's actually just going to be
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: a better experience for me, right, because I think they're
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: anxious and avoidance. They're like drawn together like magnet for sure,
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: because you've got like corresponding wounds, you know. So you're like, oh,
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: drawn together like magnets.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: It feels so good.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: But then you realize you're just in a pattern. Oh
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: we're just playing out our attachment patterns right now. Yeah,
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: So like just have that awareness maybe you don't want
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: to be there, maybe we choose something else.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: That's that's my So if you're an anxious girl, like
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: don't do that, Like yeah, just.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Be a little bit wary. Yeah.
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: And then most second one is I guess the growth
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: opportunity of dealing of like being with an avoidant is
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: like you learning to kind of self regulate. Because the
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: thing with like an anxious attached person is they always
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: like need to coregulate and they don't kind of self
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: soothe as much. Right, And then the thing with an
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: avoidant is they need to self regulate and it's not
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: a safe for them to like connect and co regulate.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: So it's like the lesson is like, great, maybe.
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: You can do a bit more to grow your own
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: self soothing abilities like speak to your own girlfriends, do
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: your own thing, go to your own classes, do your
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: own journaling, like do all those things and actually try
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: to grow that muscle.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it be like a little bit more independent.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: Yeahah, yeah for sure. And then the final one is
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: if you're in because sometimes like you're just a little
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: bit anxious and they're just a little bit of avoidant
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: and that's fine, happens all the time. And then it's like, yeah,
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: just learn to give them space, you know, it's fine,
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: Like just get okay with giving them space and knowing
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: that they're going to need a bit more of that.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Then you what are some signs that someone is an
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: avoidant person? What if someone's dating someone they don't realize
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: that they are, and they're listening to this and they're like,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: oh shit, maybe I am dating an avoidant person.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: I mean it's things like okay, so it's of in
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: the name, right, like they kind of maybe avoid closeness.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: So like often like you'll get really close and even
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: in the beginning and avoid and you can get really
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: close for like say like the first month or something,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: and then they suddenly need distance, right, they suddenly lose consistency,
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: like they suddenly need space. Or sometimes it can be
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: like when things get more vulnerable, or if you have
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: your first disagreement, they suddenly need to avoid the intensity
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: and they can't be available for that. It's kind of
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: like that, like they want to avoid emotional intimacy which
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: includes conflict, or emotional intimacy which includes like closeness.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: And speaking of I guess differences in relationships, Do you
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: have any advice for people who have different sex drives
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: in their relationship?
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I do, right, because I think it's super
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: common for people to have like different appetites, right, different
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: relationships to sex. And for me, like when people come in,
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: I think that's such a great sign to actually get
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: some external se because it's such a tender, sensitive area
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: that brings uple is stuff and it's really hard to
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: talk about because I think the most difficult position is
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: when one person feels really pressured and judged for not
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: wanting to have sex, and the other person feels really
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: like bereft and lonely and left because they're not getting
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: the connection that they want. And the one question that
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: I would always ask is like what does this mean
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: to you like what does sex mean to you? And
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: what does sex mean to you? And often it means
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: you know, to this person, like, oh, it's how I connect,
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: it's how I go to these magical places. It's really
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: it's beautiful. And to the other person it's like, oh,
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: it's like a sign of like how deficient I am
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: and how I'm not giving you what you want and
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: you know, and just being able to see that already
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: like loosen some of the pressure. And then the other
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: thing that I see as well, especially in hetero relationships,
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: because I think like when it's like a girl or
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: girl or like a fab with a fab, it's like
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: it's different, likes girl's touched differently.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: And I just think as well, like because when I've
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: been with girls in the past, like the communication is
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: just like completely different.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: Like it's more heartfelt.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and like I feel like it's less confusing because
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: like I don't know, it's like men the.
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: Language barrier, Yeah, the gender language barriers just.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Isn't there, but yeah, yeah, they just don't always say
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: how they feel, yeah, whereas like with women's and not
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: all the time, but women can be a little bit
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: more open with that.
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I see that like a lot
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: of what happens eventually is like women they kind of
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: in the beginning, they're okay with like really exciting hot
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: like sex, and then at a certain point in time,
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: maybe when they get older, maybe when they have a child,
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: maybe it's just been a while, they want more attunement,
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: you know. They want to be like touched and approached
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: in a way where they can kind of like open
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: and where there is this sensitivity to their feelings and they.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: Want that presence and it's slower.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: And like I'm kind of like touching like my body
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: in this really like feathery, kind of lightweight, and you
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: know a lot of men, especially in Australia, they're not
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: really trained to do that.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: They're not really educated to do that.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: And I think that I see that a lot where
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: women are like, oh, I don't want him to just
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: grab my ass and be ready, you know, I really
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: like want that slowness and that presence, and I want
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: him to know like how to approach me.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah or play yeah or play yeah.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I saw this thing once and it was like four
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: play starts in the morning, and I was like fuck.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Yes, four plase twenty four yeah, yeah.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, even just asking you about your day or showing
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: interest in your life, or you know you've had a
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: busy day, so they pick up the groceries for you.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Like showing that they care about you. That is non
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: sexual is also as important as like the sexual stuff
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: when it comes down to it, because so often you'll
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: hear somebody will be like, oh well, I just like
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: don't want them to touch me, so pissing me off. Yeah,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you lose that connection. You can't just switch that.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: On for sure.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Should you ever date anyone from work?
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: Because I feel very hard indication, but I would.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Like to have an expert's opinion on this.
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, So you know before dating apps, right, the way
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: that we used to meet people the most was firstly
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: through our friends and then it was through work.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: So I think the reality is a lot of people.
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: It's one of like the main ways where we're exposed
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: to new people. And I think it is okay to
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: date people from work. I think the only time when
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: you need to be really careful is when there are
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: like different lines of power and power hierarchies, right, So
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: that's what you have.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: To be careful about.
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: But I'm like, it's a reality it's how a lot
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: of people meet and you're sort of in the same
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: pool of people and the same job kind of thing.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: So I think it's personally.
• 29:44
  Speaker 6: That I'm very sorry, Like that's so fair, because Alan,
• 29:51
  Speaker 6: I have like a really hard and fast rule away,
• 29:54
  Speaker 6: like never fuck anyone from work.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: But the reality is that we spend the majority of
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: our time at work, your enforced proximity with people, and
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: sometimes genuine connections do happen.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the fact that it's like, don't fuck people
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: from work. If you're dating and it's really nice and
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: sweet and healthy, then like go for gold.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: But it's like when you just be there working and.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: It's like just like a friends with benefits thing, like
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: that's only gonna just lead to drama a mess.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think, like ask yourself genuinely, would you date
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: them if you didn't work together?
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Would you? Yeah?
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: Like would you swipe yes to them on a dating app?
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Or if you met them out through friends? Do you
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: think that you would date?
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I think it is just like the people at
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: the airport, the people and you're bored at work, Yeah,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah. No.
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: I also I've dated multiple people from work personally because
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: I just have met people, and yeah, it's awkward when
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: you break up, like you have to deal with the
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: ramifications of that.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: What has been your biggest life lesson in regard to
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: dating and relationships?
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: Okay, my biggest life lesson is really that like love
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: by itself not enough?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Your face elabor right, Well.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: Listen, Like, I've been in love quite a lot of
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: times in my life, and I've been in a lot
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: of heartbreaks, and I think what I've learned is it's
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: not really about the other person When I fall in love.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: I fall in love because I love a lot. And
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: just because you fall in love, like you still need
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: to be compatible.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love, it doesn't mean you
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: can live together. Just because you fall in love, it
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: doesn't mean you can have children with this person.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love doesn't mean it's a
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: good relationship, right, It doesn't really mean anything. It's like,
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: love by itself is this beautiful experience, and if you're
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: the kind of person who falls in love a lot,
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: it's probably just you, babe.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: So shit, that's good.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: That's good stuff.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Shit.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, like, what makes it enough? If
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: you could give like a one sentence or three.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: Things, as in like what makes a relationship enough?
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you've got love a lot of the other
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: three things that you need.
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: Like deep values driven compatibility, like lifestyle match like are
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: you in the same stage of your life and you
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: want the same kind of a life. And then it's
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: like can you get through conflict like easifully enough?
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah? So I love that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah that was good. Oh, thank you so much for
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: coming on.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: I could honestly talk.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: To you for so long. I think you have to
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: say so interesting. But where can the chicks learn more
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: about you and find you?
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they can find me on Instagram. It's at Susi
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: Kim Love Well, they can go to my website www
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: dot Suzkim dot com.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're the main way.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, and thank you
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: to all the chicks who wrote in and shared their dilemmas.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And thank you to m ik Made for making today's
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: episode happen. Love It Chicks check Happy Valentine's m hm
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Hm hm