Latest / Rooted & Real With Keenan / When Coping Skills Aren’t Enough
Transcript
- Keenan: Hey y'all, welcome back to Rooted and Real. Keenan. I'm a registered mental health counseling intern right here in OrlandoFlorida And around here, we talk about mental health, emotional resilience, relationships, and faith in a way that is practical, grounded, honest. And yes, we to have a little fun. Because healing is serious work, but that does not mean we have to be boring. So before we jump in, quick So today we're talking about something I think a lot of people feel, but don't always know to say it or what to say. What happens when you know the coping skills, you know the information, but you still feel empty? You know how to breathe, you know how to journal, you know how to name the thoughts, you know how to set the boundary, you know how to take a walk, drink water, get sunlight, challenge. Those cognitive thoughts, cognitive distortions, and tell yourself this feeling will pass. And trust me, of that matters. But there's still this quiet ache underneath. This sense of okay, but what am I living for? That's where we're gonna go today. Because people do not just need relief, they need meaning. But important disclaimer. I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast is for education, encouragement, reflection, and good conversation. It is nowhere near counseling, diagnosis, medical care, crisis support, or a substitute for for poor professional treatment. So take what's helpful. Think about it. Bring it into wise conversation. But if you need support, Please reach out to a counselor, physician, pastor, or a trusted support system, or a trusted friend or close person to you. Thanks for hanging out today with me. I'm excited to talk to you. This is Rooted in Real with Keenan, where faith, mental health, and real life. They need purpose. And as a Christian and a Christian therapist, I want to say this very carefully. Faith does not replace good clinical care. Prayer does not replace therapy. Scripture does not replace trauma work. Church does not replace medication when medication is needed. But also, good therapy should not require a person to amputate their soul. For a Christian, faith Is not an accessory. It's not a hobby. It's not a nice inspirational add-on. It is a part of identity, worldview, values, hope, suffering, purpose, community, and formation. So today we're talking about how mental health tools, meaning, and Christian faith can come together in a healthy way. Not weird, not preachy, not bypassing pain, agrounded. And rooted. Coping skills are good, but they're not the whole story. This is a good place to start. Coping skills are good. And I'm not anti-coping skills. I teach coping skills, I use coping skills. I want people to know how to calm their body, challenge distorted thinking, regulate emotions, tolerate distress. ⁓ And make wise decisions when they're activated. But coping skills, they're not the whole story. Coping skills can help you breathe through panic, but it may not answer the question, why do I feel like I have to perform to be loved? A coping skill can help you calm down after conflict. But it may not answer why do I keep choosing relationships where I disappear? A coping skill can help you get through the workday, but it may not answer why am I building a life that is slowly killing my soul? That is the deeper layer. A lot of people come to counseling saying, I just want tools. And I get that. Tools matter, they're important. But sometimes what a person really needs is not just a tool. They need a new foundation, a new identity. They need meaning. They need hope. They need surrender. They need to stop building their entire life around fear. If we look at Romans 15, verse 13, it says this. Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing. That is not shallow positivity. That is rooted hope. And that is different from just trying to feel better. Feeling better is not wrong, but it cannot be the ultimate goal. Because if feeling better is the ultimate goal, you will start avoiding anything that makes you uncomfortable. Even if that uncomfortable thing is actually forming you. Growth is not always calming in the beginning. Sometimes healing feels like grief before it feels like Obedience feels like loss before it feels like freedom. Sometimes telling the truth feels worse before it feels better. So yeah, the coping skill, but also ask: what is the symptom trying to show me? What is my body trying to tell me? Your symptoms may asking a deeper question that you have not realized yet. Anxiety, ask questions. It may say something like, Am I safe? Burnout, ask questions. It may ask, how long can I keep living beyond my capacity? Depression, ask questions. It may ask, have I lost connection to meaning, people, purpose, or hope? Now, to be clear, I'm not saying every symptom is spiritual. That's too simplistic. It'll be too easy. Mental health is biological, physical, relational, social, and spiritual. It's all connected. Sometimes anxiety is trauma. And sometimes depression is medical. Sometimes irritability is sleep deprivation. And sometimes numbness is grief. Sometimes panic is your nervous system remembering something your mind is trying to forget. So we do not want to over-spiritualize. But we also don't want to under spiritualize. There's a balance. There's a difference. Because sometimes the soul is asking a question the schedule cannot answer. So if we look at Colossians chapter three, verse two, it says this to set your mind on things above, not only on earthly things. That does not mean ignore your bills, your family, your work, your day-to-day responsibilities, or your nervous system. It means your mind needs a horizon bigger than survival. Some of us are anxious because our entire inner world has become earthly, immediate, urgent, and measurable. Money, approval, productivity, image, status, control, performance, being liked, being needed, being impressive. And then we wonder why we cannot rest. The nervous system was not designed to carry the weight of being your own God. That is not an insult. That is an invitation. You are not strong enough to be the source of your own identity, security, purpose, and salvation. And you were never meant to be. That is something that we need to keep in mind. Your identity comes before your performance. And this is a big one for high functioning people. A lot of people look healthy. Because they're productive. They are responsible. They show up. They lead. They provide. They answer the text. They keep the calendar moving. They make things happen. But they're exhausted. Why is that? Because their identity is attached to output. When identity Is attached to performance, rest feels like failure. Stillness feels like laziness. Weakness feels dangerous. Needing help feels humiliating. And someone else succeeding feels threatening. That is why comparison is so destructive. Jordan Peterson has that well known line compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to someone else today. That is helpful growth. Principle. It brings focus back to stewardship instead of comparison. But as Christians, we go even deeper. Your identity is not found in being better than yesterday. That may be good practice. But your identity is always found in Christ. And Christian growth is not I improve, therefore I matter. It is I am love, therefore I can. That is completely different. Fear will say, Grow so you can be worthy. Grace says, you are loved. Now grow into who God is forming you to be. Pastor Mike said asks a strong question. Why does God, what does God want me to become? He also says, you not who you are, you are who you are becoming. And the question I posed earlier is better than how do I look so successful? It is better than how do I impress people? It is better than how do I make sure nobody's disappointed in me? What does God want me to become? That question slows down the anxious mind. Because now I'm not just chasing outcomes, I'm paying attention to formation. And be am I becoming more loving, more truthful? More steady, more humble, more courageous, more emotionally honest, more patient with my family and friends, more faithful when nobody's clapping. That right there is meaning. Faith integration is not spiritual bypassing. Now, let's talk about what faith-integrated mental health is not. It's not saying just pray more. It's not saying if you had enough faith. You'd not be anxious. It is not saying real Christians do not need therapy. That is not clinically responsible and is not spiritually mature. Jesus wept. David lamented. Elijah was exhausted. Paul described pressure and despair. The Bible is not afraid of human pain. So Christian counseling should not be afraid of human pain either. Spiritual bypassing is when we use spiritual language to avoid emotional truth. Someone says, I'm fine. God is good. And yes, God is good. But are you fine? Someone says, I have forgiven them. Okay, great. But have you grieved what happened? Have you named the wound? Have you established wise boundaries? Someone says, I'm just trusting God. Good. Awesome. But you cannot avoid the phone call, the doctor, the therapist, the apology, the decision, or the hard conversation. Faith is not avoidance dressed in religious religious language. Faith tells the truth in the presence of God. Psalm chapter 34 says the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. That means brokenheartedness is not disqualified. Disqualified. It is a place where God meets people. John 11 tells us Jesus wept. He cried. He did not bypass grief with theology, even though he knew resurrection was coming. That matters. Some of you need to hear this. Feeling sadness does not mean you lack faith. Having anxiety does not mean you are failing God. Going to counseling does not mean you do not trust Jesus. Taking medication does not mean you're spiritually weak. It means you're human you are stewarding your life. You're taking care of yourself. Reframing thoughts and renewing the mind belong together. One of the most practical places where clinical work and Christian faith can overlap is thought work. In cognitive behavioral therapy, we pay attention to thought. Because thoughts influence emotions and behavior. Pastor Mike said it this way: our thoughts guide our emotions. That is a simple sentence, but it is clinically useful. If I keep rehearsing, I'm a failure, my body will respond. If I keep rehearsing, nobody cares. My relationships will respond. If I keep rehearsing, I have to control everything, my anxiety will respond. If I keep rehearsing, I am only valuable. When I am needed, my boundaries will respond. That is CBT ask. Where CBT cognitive behavioral therapy will ask, Is that thought accurate? Is it helpful? Is there another way to understand this? And scripture asks, Is this thought true? Is it submitted to Christ? Is my mind being renewed? Psalms. Romans. Romans 12, 2 talks about being transformed by the renewing of your mind. And 2 Corinthians 10, 5 says, talk about taking, talks about taking thoughts captive. That does not mean we shame ourselves for having thoughts. It means we stop treating every thought like it is automatically truth. So here's a practical exercise. I've been doing this. People seem to enjoy it. So let's do it. Take a piece of paper, any paper, blank paper, and make three columns. Column one, the thought I'm believing could mean anything. I'm a failure, I'm this, I'm that. Column two. What is this thought producing in me? What is the thought I'm a failure? Or I'm whatever producing in you. And then the third column, column three. A more truthful guided replacement. If you were what I'm a failure, you could say, I'm working on it. So like another thought people would say, if I'm a disappointment, I'm unsafe. And with that thought, it would produce anxiety, overexplaining, resentment, people pleasing, stuff like that. So in a replacement you could be, I can be kind and honest. Disappointing someone does not mean I have sinned. I should really stick to my notes. Here's another one. Here's another one. I'm behind in life. Right? We've all thought that. Here's what it produces: shame, comparison, urgency, and despair. So here's a replacement. God is forming me in this season. I can take the next step faithfully. Here's another one. I have to carry this alone. I'm alone. What it produces? Isolation, exhaustion, control, replacement. God is with me and I can ask for help. That is where Isaiah 41:10 jumps in and becomes grounding. God says not to fear because He is with His people. That is not a slogan, that is attachment language. Presence, help, strength, upholding. The mind needs truth. The body needs safety. The soul needs hope. Meaning is built through value-based action. Meaning is not just something you think about. Meaning is something you practice. A lot of people are waiting to feel purpose before they live on purpose. But often, purpose becomes clearer. While you are taking faithful action, you serve, you show up, you repair, you create, you forgive, you tell the truth, you join community, you s you stop numbing, you love your family, you steward your gifts, you take the next step, the next obedient step. These line up with values-based action clinically. It also lines up with discipleship spiritually. James says, be doers of the word, not only hearers. That means we cannot just consume insight. We have to practice formation. John Piper, something he's always said: God is most glorified in us when we are satisfied in him. And that sentence pushed back against the a shallow version of faith that is only duty, pressure, ⁓ performance. God is not calling you into meaningless religious exhaustion, He's calling you into life with Him. Now that does not mean life is easy. It means life has a center. And when life has a center, its suffering is still painful, but it is not meaningless. Responsibility is still hard, but it is not empty. Obedience is still costly, but is not random. You are not just managing symptoms. You are becoming someone. Becoming someone God has you intended to be. So here's another practical tool. The foundation audit. Here's the question from a sheet, from the sheet. And I love it. What am I building my life on right now? Not what do I say I believe, but what am I actually building on? Approval, comfort, money, productivity, being needed, being admired. Avoiding conflict, never feeling anxious, keeping everyone happy. Now ask this if these if this foundation cracks, what happens to me? Because that'll tell you a lot. If my foundation is approval, criticism destroys me. If my foundation is control, uncertainty terrifies me. If my foundation is productivity, rest shames me. If my foundation is comfort, obedience feels impossible. If my foundation is Christ, can be shaken, but I do not have to be destroyed. And that is the difference. Not all Christian, not that Christians never hurt, not that Christians never panic, not that Christians never need therapy. But there is a deeper place to stand. So So here's the challenge this week. Do not just ask, how do I feel better? what am I building my life on? Then ask, what is one faithful step I can take this week? Just one. You've heard me say this before. Just one faithful step. Not a total life overhaul, one step. Maybe it's calling the counselor. Maybe it's apologizing to your spouse, to someone in your family. Maybe it's opening scripture before opening your phone. Maybe it's going back to church. Maybe it is going for a walk and praying honestly. Maybe it's deleting the app that keeps feeding comparison. Maybe it's telling the truth in a relationship. Maybe it's resting without earning it. Maybe it's asking, Lord. What are you forming in me right now? Because you do not just need relief. You need meaning. You need hope. You need truth. You need tools. Yes. But you also need roots. That is what we are after here on Rooted and Real. Clinical tools, emotional strength, spiritual grounding. And as always, take what is helpful, bring it into your real life, and do the next faithful thing. So this wraps up our series. I said something a couple weeks ago about the top 10 mental health trends we've seen around the world. that wraps it up. I'm so excited for what is coming. I've been praying, asking God what I need just as much as what you need. And it's exciting, and you won't to miss it. Thank you for listening. This has been Rooted and Real with Keenan. Hit that subscribe button. Hit that like button. Give us five stars on Spotify or wherever you're listening to. Thank you so much. And I will see you next time.