Latest / William Tell Told Again / 01 - William Tell Told Again by P G Wodehouse

Transcript

01 - William Tell Told Again by P G Wodehouse · William Tell Told Again

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: William Tell, told again by P. G. Wodehouse chapter one,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Once upon a time, more years ago than anybody can remember,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: before the first hotel had been built, or the first
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Englishman had taken a photograph of mont Blanc and brought
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: it home to be pasted in an album and shown
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: after tea to his envious friends. Switzerland belonged to the
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Emperor of Austria to do what he liked with. One
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: of the first things the Emperor did was to send
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: his friend Hermann Gessler to govern the country. Gessler was
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: not a nice man, and it soon became plain that
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: he would never make himself really popular with the Swiss.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: The point on which they disagreed, in particular was the
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: question of taxes. The Swiss, who were as simple and
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: thrifty people, objected to paying taxes of any sort. They
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: said they wanted to spend their money on all kinds
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: of other things. Gessler, on the other hand, wished to
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: put a tax on everything, and being governor, he did it.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: He made everyone who owned a flock of sheep pay
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: a certain sum of money to him, and if the
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: farmer sold his sheep and bought cows, he had to
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: pay rather more money. To Gessler for the cows than
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: he had paid for the sheep. Gessler also tax bread
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: and biscuits, and jam and buns and lemonade, and in fact,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: everything he could think of, till the people of Switzerland
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: determined to complain. They appointed Walter First, who had red
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: hair and looked fierce, Werner Stauffacher, who had gray hair
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and was always wondering how he ought to pronounce his name,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: and Arnold of Melchthal, who had light yellow hair and
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: was supposed to know a great deal about the law.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: To make the complaint. They called the governor one lovely
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: morning in April and were shown into the hall of audience. Well,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: said Gessler, and what's the matter now? The other two
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: pushed Walter first forward because he looked fierce and they
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: thought he might frighten the governor. Walter first coughed, Well,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: asked Gessler. Er am ahem, said Walter first. That's the way,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: whispered Werner. Give it him. Er er ahem, said Walter first. Again,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: the fact is your governorship. It's a small point, interrupted Gessler.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: But I'm generally called your excellency. Yes, the fact is
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: your excellency. It seems to the people of Switzerland, whom
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I represent, whispered Arnold of melk Thal, whom I represent,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: that things want changing? What things inquired Gessler, the taxes,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: your excellent governorship, change the taxes. Why don't the people
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: of Switzerland think there are enough taxes? Arnold of Melchthal
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: broke in hastily. They think there are many, too many,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: he said, what with the tax on sheep and the
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: tax on cows, and the tax on bread, and the
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: tax on tea and the tax I know, I know,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Gessler interrupted, I know, all the taxes come to the point.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: What about them? Well, your excellency, there are too many
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: of them, too many. Yes, and we are not going
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to put up with it any longer, shouted Arnold of Melchthal.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Gessler leaned forward in his throne. Might I ask you
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to repeat that remark? He said, we are not going
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: to put up with it any longer. Gessler sat back
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: again with an ugly smile. Oh, he said, oh, indeed
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: you art. Aren't you desire the Lord High Executioner to
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: step this way? He added to a soldier who stood
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: beside him. The Lord High Executioner entered the presence. He
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: was a kind looking old gentleman with white hair, and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: he wore a beautiful black robe, tastefully decorated with death's heads.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Your excellency sent for me, he said, just so, replied Gessler.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: This gentleman here, he pointed to Arnold of Melchthal, says
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: he does not like taxes and that he isn't going
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: to put up with them any longer. Tut tut, murmured
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: the executioner. See what you can do for him. Certainly,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: your excellency, Robert, he cried, Is the oil on the
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: boil just this minute boiled over, replied a voice from
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: the other side of the door. Then bring it in
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: and mind you don't spill any Enter Robert in a
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: suit of armor and a black mask, carrying a large
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: cauldron from which the steam rose in great clouds. Now, sir,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: if you please, said the executioner politely to Arnold of Melchthal.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Arnold looked at the cauldron. Why it's hot, he said, warmish,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: admitted the executioner. It's against the law to threaten a
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: man with hot oil. You may bring an action against me,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: said the executioner. Now, sir, if you please, we are
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: wasting time. The forefinger of your left hand. If I
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: may trouble you, Thank you, I am obliged. He took
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Arnold's left hand and dipped the tip of the first
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: finger into the oil. How cried Arnold, jumping. Don't let
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: him see he's hurting you, whispered Werner. Staffacher, pretend you
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: don't notice it. Guessler leaned forward again. Have your views
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: on taxes changed at all? He asked? Do you see
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: my point of view more clearly?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Arnold admitted that he thought that, after all, there might
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: be something to be said for it. That's right, said
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the governor. And the tax on sheep, you don't object
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: to that, no, And the tax on cows I like it,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And those on bread and buns and lemonade, I enjoy
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: them excellent. In fact, you're quite contented, quite, and you
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: think the rest of the people are, oh quite quite.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: And do you think the same, he asked of Walter
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: and Werner.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, your excellency, they cried. Then that's all right,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: said Gessler. I was sure you would be sensible about it. Now,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: if you will kindly place in the tambourine which the
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: gentleman on my left is presenting to you a mere
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: trifle to compensate us for our trouble in giving you
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: an audience, and if you to Arnold of nelts Thal,
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: will contribute an additional trifle for use of the imperial
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: boiling oil. I think we shall all be satisfied. You've
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: done it.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: That's right. Goodbye, and mind the step as you go out.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And as he finished this speech, the three spokesmen of
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: the people of Switzerland were shown out of the Hall
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: of Audience Chapter two. They were met in the street
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: outside by a large body of their fellow citizens who
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: had accompanied them to the palace and who had been
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: spending the time since their departure in listening by turns
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: at the keyhole of the front door. But as the
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Hall of Audience was at the other side of the
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: palace and cut off from the front door by two
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: other doors, a flight of stairs, and a long passage,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: they had not heard very much of what had gone
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: on inside, and they surrounded the three spokesmen as they
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: came out, and questioned them eagerly. Has he taken off
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: the tax on? Jem asked Ulrich the smith, What is
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: he going to do about the tax on mixed biscuits?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Shouted Klaus Vonderflew, who was a chimney sweep of the
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: town and loved mixed biscuits. Never mind about tea and
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: mixed biscuits, cried his neighbor Mire of Sarnin. What I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: want to know is whether we shall have to pay
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: for keeping sheep any more? What did the gov'nor say?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Asked Jost Viler, a practical man who liked to go
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: straight to the point. The three spokesmen looked at one
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: another a little doubtfully. Oh well, said Werner Staffacher at last,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: as a matter of fact, he didn't actually say very much.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: It was more what he did, if you understand me,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: than what he said. I should describe bb his excellency,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: the Governor, said Walter first, as a man who has
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: got away with him, a man who has got all
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: sorts of arguments at his fingertips. At the mention of fingertips,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Arnold of Menschthal uttered a sharp howel In short, continued Walter.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: After a few minutes very interesting conversation, he made us
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: see that it really wouldn't do, and that we must
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: go on paying the taxes as before. There was a
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: dead silence for several minutes, while everybody looked at everybody
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: else in dismay. The silence was broken by Arnold of Siwah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Arnold of Sewa had been disappointed at not being chosen
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: as one of the three spokesmen, and he thought that
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: if he had been so chosen, all this trouble would
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: not have occurred. The fact is, he said, bitterly, that
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: youth three have failed to do what you were sent
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: to do. I mention no names, far from it, but
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I don't mind saying that there are some people in
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: this town who would have given a better account of themselves.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: What you want in little matters of this sort is,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: if I may say so tact tat that's what you want,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: of course, if you will go rushing into the governor's presence.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: But we didn't rush, said Walter first, shouting out that
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: you want the taxes abolished. But we didn't shout, said
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Walter first. I really cannot speak if I am to
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: be constantly interrupted, said Arnold of Sewa severely. What I
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: say is that you ought to employ tact tact that's
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: what you want. If I have been chosen to represent
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: the Swiss people in this affair. I am not saying
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I ought to have been mind you. I merely say
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: if I had been, I should have acted rather after
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: the following fashion, walking firmly, but not defiantly, into the
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: tyrant's presence. I should have broken the ice with some
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: pleasant remark about the weather. The conversation once started, the
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: rest would have been easy. I should have said that
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I hoped his Excellency had enjoyed a good dinner once
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: on the subject of food had it would have been
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: the simplest of tasks to show him how unnecessary taxes
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: on food were, and the whole affair would have been
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: pleasantly settled while you waited. I do not imply that
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: the Swiss people would have done better to have chosen
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: me as their representative. I merely say that this is
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: how I should have acted had they done so. And
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Arnold u Seywa tworld is mustache and looked offended. His
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: friends instantly suggested that they should be allowed to try
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: where the other three had failed, and the rest of
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: the crowd, beginning to hope, once more, took up the cry.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: The result was that the visitor's bell of the palace
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: was rung for the second time. Arnold of Sihwa went in,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: and the door was banged behind him. Five minutes later,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: he came out sucking the first finger of his left hand. No,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: he said, it can't be done. The tyrant has convinced me.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I knew he would, said Arnold of melch Thal. Then
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I think you might have warned me, snapped Arnold of Siwaw,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: dancing with the pain of his burnt finger. Was it
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: hot boiling? Ah? Then he really won't let us off
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: the taxes, asked the crowd in disappointed voices.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: No.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Then the long and short of it is, said Walter first,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: drawing a deep breath. That we must rebel. Rebel, cried everybody. Rebel,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: repeated Walter firmly. We will cried everybody. Down with the tyrant,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: shouted Walter First. Down with the taxes, shrieked the crowd.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: A scene of great enthusiasm followed. The last words were
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: spoken by Werner Staffatcher. We want a leader, he said.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I don't wish to thrust myself forward, began Arnold of Sewa,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: but I must say if it comes to leading, and
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I know the very man for the job, said Werner
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Stoffatcher William Tell Hurroller for William Tell, roared the crowd,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: and taking the time from Werner Staffatcher they burst into
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the grand old Swiss chant, which runs as follows, For
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: he's a jolly good fellow, For he's a jolly good fellow.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: For he's a jolly good fellow her, and so see
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: all of us. And having sung this till they were
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: all quite hoarse, they went off to their beds to
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: get a few hours sleep before beginning the labors of
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: the day. End of Chapter two