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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #98_HOST BLAQUE DIAMOND · DA CREW Podcast

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are the change we desire to see. Basic Black after Dark our lou podcast
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show with your host Black Diamond. Hey everybody, this is Black Diamond from
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the Crew network and you're listening to Basic Black after Dark Podcasts, the show
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that meets you where you are and give you what you ask for and from
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time to time we discussed sensitive topics that arise based on the needs and expectations
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of the community. When the US child support collection system was set up in
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nineteen seventy five under President Gerald Ford, the country the typical family looked very
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different from today. I'm going to walk you through what the child support collection
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system looked like in nineteen seventy five, what issues it was designed to address,
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and what may have changed. Launched in nineteen seventy five, the government
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established Section four D of the Social Security Act. No fault divorce had recently
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passed and there was a rapid increase in the voce. This system would try
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to ensure that after divorce, the government would try to replicate what the household
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looked like prior to the divorce regarding the children's welfare, especially so the father
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will continue to provide income to the child and the mother usually will get the
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child following the divorce in terms of physical custody, and she would use the
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resources now pay attention, ladies, she would use the resources from the father
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for the household, but mostly the child. Now less fast forward. It
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is twenty twenty three and families consist of more than men, women and children.
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The system cannot replicate what the household looks like when the home consists of
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non marital couples, when there is more than one father involved, and morey
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says, you are not the father, so why am I paying child support.
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We're going to get to that in a minute, which is the topic
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of the show. I just want to let you know a little bit more,
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give you a little bit more insight into the child support The child support
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program started off as a federal state partnership with the goal of reducing money spent
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on an aid to families with depended children. That was the AFDC program.
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Some state say TCA, others say welfare, but for argument's sake, we'll
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just say state benefits. From nineteen thirty five to nineteen ninety six, benefits
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was a primary support to families with children. The child support program collected money
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from non custodial parents, most of whom were fathers whose children relied on state
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benefits, but this support did not go to children. Instead, it was
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used to reimburse the government for benefits. That's right, It was used to
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reimburse the government the money they paid to the custodial parent. For example,
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if a court ordered a parent to pay, just saying back in that time
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one hundred a month in child support to a household that received one hundred dollars
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in benefits, the state kept that entire amount. The one hundred dollars paid
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by the non custodial parent, which was called the benefit recovery, which is
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still true today. Now some states do give a portion of these payments to
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custodial parents and children if the amount paid is more than the benefit that they
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received. But there is a method to this mandess they will reduce your benefits
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because the extra income received they figure alongs to them. Keep in mind,
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in twenty twenty one, the government kept the estimated one point thirty eight billion
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dollars in child support. This approach to benefit recovery requires poor non custodial parents
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to repay the federal government for the minimal cast aid their children received. Providing
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their parents nor children with economics security receiving child support payments is often a cent
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you for custodial parent families, considering some of these families live in poverty.
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But targeting and punishing people cannot pay does not help anyone. For the most
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part, the laws does not consider whether it's parents avoid paying child support because
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they do not want to or because they are not the father of the child.
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That brings us to our first question of the Knight now Manny in Oklahoma
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acts. If I'm not the father, then why am I paying child support?
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Well, many men ask the same question. If I'm not the father,
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then why am I paying child support? Well, Manny, it depends
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on the situation. You may not have to pay child support if you're not
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on the birth certificate. However, if you adopt the child or there's a
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court order, you're responsible for paying child support even if you're not the biological
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father. Now, what I want to do is give a disclaimer. I
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am not an attorney, I don't work for child support. Suggest that these
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things that come by me pretty easy. So I do understand the situation.
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And then I've asked some experts too. Now, Carlos from Smithtown, Long
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Aland says he is married, however the child is not his. Do I
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still have to pay child support? Carlos? There are systems as well as
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the family court that designed this system to protect the rights and best interests of
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the child. I know you're gonna say it's not fair, but I'm just
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telling you what I know. Here's way I want you to pay attention.
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When parents are married and the child is born, the child is considered legitimate.
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Unfortunately, when the parents are unmarried, the child is labeled illegitimate.
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Well, it's not a nice word to say, but that's what the system
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came up with. However, you are still responsible for the child and must
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pay child support. Sorry, Carlos, but that's the rue and that's the
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lords in some states. So you may want to check with your local child
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support just to find out what's going on now. Kevin in Detroit, he
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says he has no relationship with the child. He is paying child support for
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the child because he is not married to the child's mother. Unfortunately, Kevin,
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you may be considered a presumptive father a punitive father, which means although
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you have not legally established a relationship with the child and you are not married
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to the child's mother, but you are either claiming to be the biological father
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of the child or you are either alleged to be the biological father by the
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mother. You will have to pay child support. Sorry. No relationship with
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the child does not mean you don't pay child support. Your child support is
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still do It is still your responsibility to care for the child now. Taekwon
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and Pennsylvania says he told his friend that the boy wasn't his son, but
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he does not think the boy is his because he says that the boy don't
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look like him or his family. Well, Tykwon, you may be stealing
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the hoof for child support. You told someone, your friend in this case,
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that the boy wasn't yours, but you've been telling everybody else that the
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boy was yours. You are considered the father man. Let me just tell
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you something. When you're taking a child, just say you guys are taking
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your child to the barber shop and you're saying this is your little man,
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or you're bragging to your friends that this little boy is yours. Or you're
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attending a daddy daughter day event at this school, or even celebrating Father's Day,
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going out with the mother and enjoying Father's Day and they're saying daddy and
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you're with the child. You just told the world that you acknowledge this child
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as yours, so you will have to pay child support. But again,
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put them in Pennsylvania. They may have something else going on there. You
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are considered a prospective father if you were now listen carefully cohabitating with the mother
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at the time of conception, If you were married to the mother at the
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time of conception, and you are named by the mother when the child's birth
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certificate as the father or named in connection with the application that she applied for
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public assistance, then you are identified as the prospective father. Now, I
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do want to back up something where it comes to the mother putting your name
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on the child's birth certificate. Most hospitals most states want the father there to
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sign. They have to be there to sign. And how she gets your
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name on there and you didn't go there to sign, that's going to be
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probably a court issue. Now, not giving you advice, I'm just saying
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that it's difficult to put a child's name on the birth certificate and your name
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on't or two as the father. I don't know if you just went up
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then didn't just wanted to leave. I'm not sure what happened in that case,
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but you may want to check with him in Pennsylvania, Taekwana and anybody
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else that's going through the same thing. Now, I have something from Isaiah
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in Connecticut. He says he was listed on the birth certificate and then was
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totally had to pay child support to a child he didn't even know anything about.
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Well, Isaiah, I'm not sure what state you reside in, but
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you will be considered what is called an unmarried biological father. If the father
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is listed on the birth certificate of the child, he is considered the legal
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father. However, the statue states that the mother of a child born out
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of wetlock is the natural guardian of the child and is entitled to primary residential
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care and custody of the child unless a court states otherwise. So you may
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need to go to court as well. You are still considered the father,
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but you are considered the non custodio father. So it gets a little sticky
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when it comes to having your name universe certificate and you're not married to the
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mother. But this is what some states are doing. Then you guys are
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coming in from different states. I cannot sit here and tell you that your
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state will do this. But this is just me just pulling your coattail.
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Now. I know some women as listening saying you're a woman, Why are
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you doing this for them? Because I'm a fair person. Now you are
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a woman, and you're calling me up or hitting me up, and you're
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asking questions, I'm gonna do the same thing for you. You can be
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asking me how do you go about things? But I think that it was
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one woman that did email me about something, so I'm gonna get to her
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question too. This is from somebody who I guess don't want anybody to know
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what's them, and that's fine. This is anonymous said that I never planned
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on being a father. Am I still responsible for the child? Well,
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Anonymous, all it takes is one time, and it can be a little
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sticky and tricky. You would have to give me more because I'm not sure
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where you're coming at with this, but I'll try to explain what I do
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know. Fraternity is distinguished from legitimacy, specifically to potentially allow share father who
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duties with no alterations in the child's legitimate stats. In many cases, a
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man who has been shown to be the biological father of a child may have
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no parental rights. So you could be the father of the child. But
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there are cases where you don't have parental rights. Again, I don't know
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what state you're calling from or what the situation is with you and the mother
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of the child. You may have to contact an attorney or go to child
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support, you know, local child support agency to find out what your rights
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are, whether you have to pay child support or whatever is going on.
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I do not know if you're married or not, but parents can stipulate in
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a divorce if you are married that the husband is not the father of the
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wife's unborn baby. If the baby has already been born, the father is
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required to file for a termination of parental rights in the event of a divorce.
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Should the wife state that the child is not the husband's biological child,
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check with your state's child support office or a family lawyer. They got family
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attorneys that do situations like this. So there are cases where a man and
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a woman could be married and he doesn't even know that she stepped out on
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him lunch. In some cases that happens and the baby comes back. Baby
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doesn't look like him, and for obvious reasons, the baby may not look
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like him. That could be grounds right there for him to wonder, why
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am I taking care of this child? So that may be a discussion that
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you may want to have with your partner before you drag it into court.
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Because sometimes children don't have to look like you. They can look at the
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other side of the family, or they may look like your great great uncle
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that you may not have ever met. So don't get into arguing, fussing,
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and fighting over a situation that you may not have to answer to you
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just yet. Now, Greg in Memphis, he wants to know do I
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have to have a paternity test to stop paying child support? Well, oporternity
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test does help Greg. Essentially, if a paternity test is established and the
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father has an obligation to provide financial support to the child until the child reaches
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the age of Lujarvi soul. If you do a praternity test and the child
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turns out to be your child, then yes, you will have to pay
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child support. Now. I'm apologize if I get your name wrong. Is
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this Lee? Li or Lie? I'm not sure how you spell your name
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or how you pronounce it, but I apologize in advance. Hey, hey
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Latania, how are you? Thanks for checking in? Lee from Jersey?
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He says that ooh. He says that I stopped paying child support because I
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was not working. Can I lose my driver's license? I know from maybe
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as far back as nineteen seventy two, maybe nineteen ninety, the federal government
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implemented multiple harsh enforcement measures within the child support program. These enforcement policies,
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which are still in effect today, range from garnishing up to two thirds pay
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and suspending your driver's license, and many professional licenses as well. They do
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this and they contact the reporting agency, the child support agency contacts motor vehicle,
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they can contact the credit bureaus and unfortunately, you can even be incarcerated
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if you're not paying your child support. I don't know if you fellas notice,
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but I want to give your heads up. And I know some of
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you ladies are listening. Again, I don't want you to think that I'm
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just on their side. I'm just giving them information, just like I would
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give you information. I want to give you a heads up that there is
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something called but you probably already know the Deadbeat Dad. Well, there's a
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program called the Deadbeat Dad Operation, in which a local newspaper makes a list
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of the names of the fathers who old child support. They publicly shame them.
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Those who were behind on payments are shamed. What happens is that the
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police get a list of this newspaper and they apprehend several fathers who did not
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come forward. They put them in jail until they could pay their child support.
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Unfortunately, raised like this happened across the country. Now here's where I
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want you guys to pay attention. These raids happen around Father's Day and I
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know you're saying, oh, no, that's not happening. They get this
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list, they look it up, they know when you're at and they can
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arrest your father's I know that you're saying, oh, that's not fair,
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that's not right. But if you're the father and you're willingly not paying child
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support, there's nothing else I can say except that come Father's Day, they
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may come knocking on your door and they may have a warrant for your arrest
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for non payment. Now, Mike, he's in California, he writes,
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she won't let me see my kids, so I stop paying child support.
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Mike, child support and visitation has nothing to do with the other. However,
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you should never stop making your payments of child support unless your child reaches
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the age of eighteen and in most cases, or if the child is still
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in high school. If the child could be your child could be nineteen years
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of age and still in high school. I mean actually in high school,
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they could be taking some ged program, you would still have to pay child
18:19
support. Now, if your child is disabled, then you would be paying
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child support for a very long time because your child is disabled in the child
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still has to be taken care of and those checks and payments could continue.
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Speak to an attorney, contact your local child support agency. They could give
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you some more information and guidance on that. But I would hate for you
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to just stop paying child support because you just don't want to pay it anymore,
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and because she doesn't want you to see the kids again. Your children
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still have to be taken care. You do, however, the legal right
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to visit the child or engage in time sharing of the child with the mother.
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But if you're unable to come to an agreement regarding the time sharing the
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time that you spend with the child, the mother in some states and under
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those state laws can make that determination. I'm not gonna give advice, but
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speak to an attorney. That is something that I know most people are doing.
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In some states are unmarried. Biological father's rights to the child can get
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quite complicated when they want to see the child. So if you are married
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and you're separated and you want to see your child again, I would suggest
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I'm not going to advise. I would say think about going to an attorney,
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or if a go to mediation, it's free. I believe it's for
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you can go to the court and ask for mediator speak to your significant ound
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of the child's parents and see if you can work it out, because I
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know, just seeing each other on the outside that may not work out.
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So go to court. That might be the best thing for you. With
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you're you're not in front of a judge, but you're in front of someone
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who can help out, you know, in that situation, TK and Washington
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says, we are divorced or have to pay child support if the parents divorced
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within two years of the birth of the child, or the mother and father
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have never been married. Man who believes he is not the biological father of
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the child can petition the court. Now you're gonna have to go through something,
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and you may have to pay for an attorney, So you should think
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about it. How long will this drag on. I don't think it's gonna
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drag on until the child reaches the age of eighteen. But again, this
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is something that you may want to speak to your partner about. You.
20:49
You know, y'all should really know each other to know whether this child is
20:53
yours or not. Sometimes men accept the child, and when you do that,
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you're telling the world that that's your child. Now, she may have
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had a child two or three years before you even came into the picture.
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But if that child is living with you and her or either you come in
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and see this child and you're telling people that, yeah, that's your child,
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you can be on the hook for child support. So again, speak
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to child support, speak to an attorney, speak to a family law attorney.
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That may help much more than I can help. But I'm just pulling
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your coattail on some of these things. Mister and mister Big in Boston,
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he acts, have you ever heard of this establishment of fraternity? Well,
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mister Big, I have, but I only heard of it in Florida,
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but it could exist in other states. The best way for me to explain
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it is to say, suppose a couple is living together but not many.
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A baby is born, and then something is that the baby is the product
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of this relationship. The couple may then decide, maybe they break up,
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and the mother applies through the Department of Social Services for benefits, for food
22:07
stamps, for medical assistant, childcare, or cash assistance. You know,
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whatever she's applying for, the department will get involved. They are going to
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tell her that she has to go and apply for child support. Now,
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I know some women don't want to take you down there for child support.
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They feel as though you're helping out the best way that you can. And
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I will say this about some women, and they do need assistance because they're
22:36
still trying to make ends meet. But when they go down the child support
22:40
they are told that they have to tell them who the father is. Now,
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women, they're not going with this anymore that I don't know who he
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is. You have to come up with a name. And I'm not just
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saying old John Smith, John Doe. You're gonna have to start being real.
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You're gonna have to give them the truth and tell them the name.
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Sorry, guys, but they have to And I know you may be upset
23:00
with them. Why did you take me through child support? They're acting for
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state benefits and that is a requirement that they have to comply with child support
23:08
in order to get some assistant and then perhaps maybe down the road. The
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mother tells the father that maybe he's not the biological father the child. She
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will no longer allow him to see the child. Yet there is an order
23:22
which demands that the father continues to pay child support again, get an attorney
23:27
that may help you out, but to go and get benefits they're going to
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have to comply with child support no matter what, they're going to have to
23:36
comply, So don't get upset with them. Ladies. You have to do
23:38
what you have to do to take care of your child, not to just
23:41
go down there being spiteful. If he's given you money, maybe he'll go
23:48
with you down there, say look, this is what I can afford,
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this is what I have been given her. You may be surprised, you
23:52
may be able to work out some stuff. A situation. A situation like
23:56
this is where disestablishment of a paternity in as a procedure that could end in
24:02
one of two ways. The court will determine through DNA tests that the child
24:07
is not the father's biology the father's biological child, and the father will then
24:11
have to file for termination of all support obligations to the child. So if
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it is I'm gonna say it again, if a DNA test determines that you
24:21
are not the biological father, then you're going to have to file for termination
24:26
of all support obligations and that's going to be going through the court. Once
24:30
they give you that document, then you go to child support so they can
24:33
stop the payments so you won't be able to. You know, you don't
24:37
have to pay the payments anymore, but you have to take it one step
24:41
at the time. You can't just go down there and say the DNAs test
24:44
say that I'm not the father of the child anymore, so I don't have
24:48
to pay. That's not how it works. You have to go through court
24:52
take care of that. The DNAs shows that, and then they'll give you
24:55
the documents to take the child support so they can take care of it.
24:59
That's the best way that I could explain it. But for you to disestablish
25:03
fraternity, no child support must be owed, so you cannot owe child support.
25:10
But in this kind of case, you still have to pay the child
25:12
support, and you have to go through the proper channels to do that.
25:17
DNA samples ought to be obtained voluntarily or according to a court order. You
25:22
cannot just say that he has to go there, force him to take it
25:26
there. You can't do that. You have to do it voluntary. Guys,
25:30
if you don't want to pay the child support anymore, then you should
25:33
voluntarily go down NIA and do the DNA. If you strongly feel as though
25:37
that that's not your child, you get a court order or either you'll voluntarily
25:41
go. If the parents were married at the time of conception, the child
25:45
must not have been conceived by artificial intimidation. So if you were having problems
25:53
having children and y'all opted to do artificial intimidation, you won't be able to
26:00
do it. You won't be able to disestablish fraternity because that was artificial exemination.
26:07
You willingly provided your instruments to have a child. I'll say it that
26:11
where I try to keep this a cleanishet of the child must not have been
26:15
adopted while the parents were married. If you were married and you adopt the
26:21
child together, you're the father. You are the father. Adoption means final.
26:26
It's adopted. That child has your name. That means that their biological
26:30
parent is no longer their parent. You are the parent. Your name is
26:34
on that birth certificate. So the two of you are now the parents.
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And if you go your separate ways, you can pay child support. The
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child can live with the dad. Mom has to paydon other way around.
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Whoever has the child is the person that is considered the custodial parent. The
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petition must be submitted within two years of the birth of the child, or
26:56
it must be submitted within two years of the time the father is no five
27:00
that he may not be the child's biological father. So those are ways that
27:04
you could disestablish fraternity, and those are probably the best ways to do it.
27:10
We're gonna take a break right now, and then we come back.
27:12
We're going to follow this conversation up. Okay, we got a commercial coming
27:15
your way. They got to go to flip the scene with what with a
27:23
little touch a lady. Hey, Henny, we are back and we're talking
27:48
about child's support. Now. I do want to say something to you,
27:52
ladies. I don't want you to think that I forgot about you. I
27:53
want you to keep in mind that there are unintended consequences of disestablished a fraternity.
28:00
And that's where we were at before we went on this break. And
28:03
it's obviously both financially and understandably for a man who are who's not allowed to
28:10
see his child that he believed was his biological child, but who was legally
28:15
responsible for financially supporting that child to disestablish paternity. Despite this, there can
28:22
be some unintended consequences of disestablished and fraternity for the child. For one,
28:27
the loss of a parental relationship can have long term devastating emotional consequences for the
28:33
child. This child is caught in the middle of a legal battle. The
28:38
issue goes far beyond finances since it involves the child's emotions. So before you
28:42
want to disestablished fraternity, whether you're saying you don't want to have the child
28:48
as your child anymore, some people do that. Why I don't know,
28:51
But some people say I don't want to be a parent anymore, so they
28:53
want to go and terminate their own rights. You've had a relationship with this
28:59
child for ye and all of a sudden you just want to drop out of
29:02
their life. You don't want to be the parent anymore because you are doing
29:06
something else with your life, or maybe you're remarried, or maybe you're not
29:08
getting along with the parent. Again, it's not about you, it's not
29:12
about the other person. It's about this child. So I want you men
29:18
and women to keep in mind that it's about the child. Okay, Since
29:23
in Seattle says I was paying child support for seventeen years and found out that
29:29
she knew the child was not mine, can I sue her or can I
29:34
get retroactive relieve? Since I'm not sure if you can sue her, you
29:41
should contact an attorney. You would also need to prove that she knew the
29:45
child was not yours all along. As for relief, you'll probably be able
29:52
to get if it's determined that the child is not yours. For future payments,
29:56
those will stop, but for past payments those would past payments. In
30:02
other words, the petitioner may not attempt to recover previously paid child support.
30:06
You might not be able to get that money back again. I can't tell
30:10
you whether you can sue her or not, but you would have to prove
30:15
that she knew that this child was not yours, and she told you it
30:18
was yours and you was taking care of it. What I can say is
30:22
for any men or females whoever hold onto your receipts, hold onto your receipts
30:27
for any child support that you're paying. Don't just think that or I went
30:32
and I paid it, or I paid it directly to her, We're good.
30:37
I don't want to get in the middle of somebody's relationship. But if
30:41
you are ordered by court to pay child support, pay it directly to them.
30:48
Don't let it exchange hands, because things can happen on either one of
30:52
your part. Things can happen. So I wouldn't want you to say I
30:56
paid it and she's saying that I didn't or he never gave it to me.
31:03
That's just that's messy. I don't even like using that word, but
31:06
it is. It could be. It could be really, really messy.
31:07
So I would suggest that if you have a child support order, to go
31:11
directly to the child support office and make the payment or send it however you're
31:18
supposed to give it to him. Make sure it goes there. Day will
31:21
directed to where it needs to go. Jr. Writes, the child has
31:26
my first and last name and he is not my child? What can I
31:30
do to get my name back? Well, Jr. Once this establishment is
31:36
granted, and that's what I spoke about earlier, a new birth certificate movie
31:41
be prepared and issued so that versiticate won't have your name on it anymore.
31:47
The child's last name may be changed at that time if the mother requests such
31:52
a change. So your initials of JR. Say it was just say your
31:56
name was John Done and the child name was John Doe Junior, and you
32:02
already established that the child was not yours. You went through court, the
32:07
court will issue a new birth certificate, and that birth certificate will not have
32:12
your name on it as the father. They probably won't have any name on
32:15
it unless the mother show or prove that there was another father, or there
32:19
was somebody else and that person just happens to be there in court or whatever
32:22
the case may be, then your name will come up. But it would
32:27
be up to the mother to change the child's person last name. The only
32:32
thing I can tell you that your name will no longer be young there,
32:36
and just think about it. If you have a common name, then that
32:38
child will have the name of a common Just have a common name. In
32:44
other words, But I don't know any man that would know that that's his
32:49
child and somebody else's name came off and he wouldn't want to give them his
32:52
name. People are funny. Things happen. So you know, while the
32:58
holy seems fair, after you found out that you're not the biological father of
33:00
a child, you must nonetheless make a good effort to comply with child support
33:07
payments already in place. So if you are told that the child is not
33:10
yours, or you figured it out that the child is not yours, continue
33:15
to make your payments because you don't want a legal problem. Once you have
33:19
decided to fight the child support order through the disestablishment of fraternity, do not
33:24
sign anything else or do anything that will continue to suggest that you are the
33:30
child's father. Don't go on social media, don't put no photos of you
33:34
and the child. No talking about how cute or clever your baby is.
33:38
No letters to anybody, no texts or emails. Just stop everything because that's
33:46
going to continue to tell the court that you're telling them that you're not the
33:50
father, but you're telling the world that you are, and the court may
33:53
just drop the whole case and say, look, you're paying child support.
33:55
You are the father of this child. Remember also that there must be newly
34:00
discovered evidence if you had some doubts regarding the paternity of the child when you
34:06
were ordered to pay the child support. So if you were told you were
34:09
to child and then something else comes up after all of that, that's new
34:15
evidence. But if you did nothing, then the court's going to say,
34:22
well, you accepted the child as being yours. You voiced those doubts before
34:27
the other people. Bring those people to court, let them know that you've
34:30
always thought that way, but you was told that you had to pay child
34:34
support. You may not be able to disestablish a paternity if that case is
34:39
so, where you're telling them that the court that's not my child, but
34:45
you're telling everybody else that it is. Court's not playing games with anybody.
34:49
They would just say that you have to pay the child support. But again,
34:52
get an attorney. Each state has different laws about child support, so
34:55
it's wise for non custodial parents to become very familiar with this eight laws.
35:00
If a parent it's confused about the law, it can lead to adverse consequences
35:05
such as your driver's license suspended, your wages being garners, bank levies,
35:10
and other unwanted effects from failing to pay. So just be mindful of those
35:15
things that can happen. Okay, john S acts my aunt women paying child
35:21
support. Women can be ordered to pay child support if she's the non custodial
35:27
parents. Now, what I do want to say is that there are men,
35:31
many men who is stepping up and going to court and saying that they
35:37
want custody of their child, and a lot of them are winning. They
35:40
are actually winning. And I don't want to say winning because it really shouldn't
35:44
be a fight. But if dad knows that mom is in a dark place
35:51
and he wants to continue to support her by her doing what she needs to
35:54
do to help herself out, and he's going to go get custody of the
35:59
child. Sold both don't won't lose the child. He's going to go get
36:01
custody of his child. But if you start doing the right thing and you
36:07
are living your life and he's taking care of the child, he can go
36:10
to court for child support and you may have to pay. Ladies, don't
36:15
think because oh I'm a woman, I don't have to pay child support.
36:19
Yeah you do, anybody. I just want you to understand that if you
36:22
are the non custodial parent, whether you're the male or the female, the
36:27
man or the woman, the custodial parent will receive child support from you.
36:32
They can go to court to get child support from you. So don't think
36:37
that it's just the man thing that the court is just after the men.
36:40
It's whoever is the custodial parent wherever the child is living more than fifty percent
36:46
of the time that child is living with the parent that's going to receive the
36:52
child support. So it's a fifty fifty thing. We'll get into that too.
36:58
David wants to know. If I spend money on my child and buyden
37:00
gifts, why am I paying child support? David? It is what it
37:07
is. It's a gift. Child support is not a gift. It is
37:10
a responsibility. A gift is something you wanted to give to your child,
37:15
like Christmas. Some dads or moms just like to buy things for their children.
37:21
You may want to give your child a gift or maybe good grades in
37:22
school because mom or dad made you. Man, you want to take it
37:25
back, You can't do that. It's a gift. Child support is ordered
37:30
through the court. Now, if you and mom had worked out something and
37:34
the court is not involved and you gave her, just say you gave a
37:37
one hundred dollars this week and then you went out and bought your son something
37:42
or your daughter something and whatnot. That's a gift. Or either you said
37:47
I'll take them school shopping. Just say, I'm just saying, because school's
37:50
coming, I'll take them school shopping. Mom. Think about it, he
37:57
went and bought all the clothes. That's helping you. Wow, you shouldn't
38:00
expect child support at the same time. Otherwise you can say, just give
38:05
me the money. I'll buy the clothes, and I'll pay the bills with
38:08
it too. Now I'm not gonna say anything about you're getting your nails done,
38:12
your head done, or anything else. That's another conversation, Thomas.
38:17
In South Carolina, she is getting state a for the child, is she's
38:22
still entitled to child support. Yes, the state determines how much state aide
38:29
she'll receive, and then she'll receive any of the child support. In some
38:32
states they don't get any child support because they're receiving state benefits or a's and
38:38
some people say state aid, so the state gets from you somewhat. So
38:44
in other words, the state determines how much money Annam is going to get.
38:50
So if you are getting and you're getting state benefits, and you're getting
38:52
three hundred dollars for you and your child, they're gonna go after child support.
38:58
If the child support order it's three hundred dollars, then the state is
39:02
going to take the three hundred dollars. But if the child support orders three
39:06
hundred and fifty dollars, like I said earlier, sometimes the state keeps it,
39:10
or sometimes they'll give her the three hundred dollars that the state was going
39:14
to give her anyway, and they give her an extra twenty five dollars because
39:17
they already got their money back. Now they got that extra twenty five dollars
39:22
that's laying around there. I don't know what the state does with that,
39:24
but I just told you it was over one billion dollars that they collected.
39:29
So you go figure, if you know that you're going to get three hundred
39:32
dollars from the state benefits, and he can shell out three hundred dollars to
39:37
you, do the man? Why bother to get the state benefits? Now?
39:40
I know medical coverage is there, but you can ask that, can
39:45
you put the child on his medical coverage so that takes care of that as
39:47
well. So that those are just some things for you guys to think about.
39:53
Jordan in New York City says that child support is for the child,
40:00
but she's spending it on her south Can I stop paying child support? That
40:02
that was something I was going to get into. Absolutely not. You cannot
40:07
stop paying child support. Unfortunately, it may be hard to determine what she's
40:13
spending the child support on, but if she's using the money for the rent,
40:17
utilities or extracurriculum activities for the child, or with the child, then
40:23
she's using the child support on the child. The child has to live in
40:28
that home, so she has to pay that rent. She's not charging the
40:31
child rent, but she has to pay the rent. The child has to
40:34
live there. The child needs the lights and everything else that's going on in
40:37
the house. So that's what the money is used for. But if you
40:40
see on the other side that she's going and get her nails done and he
40:44
had done the stuff, that could be money that she has, and they
40:46
look like it's the money that you're giving her. But if your child don't
40:52
look like it's going without. When you see your child, you get your
40:54
child, then don't worry about it. She's probably doing the right thing by
40:59
taking care of it. Child Tonia Virginia Rights. Can they garnish my wages
41:05
if I miss a child support payment? Yes, they can. They can
41:08
garnish your wages and they'll continue to do so so they ensure that your payments
41:14
are being made. You really don't want them to garnish your wages because it's
41:19
not a good feeling to expect one thing on your check and then when you
41:22
get it, it's something else, And you really don't want your job involved
41:24
in all that because when they do payroll, they know because child support contacts
41:30
them. So try to make your payments. Try not to miss any any
41:35
child support payments because you don't want them to garnish your wages. Alan and
41:42
Maryland says he lost his job. Do I still pay child support? Oh?
41:46
And he says, can I file for bankruptcy? Yes? And yes
41:53
if you lose your job, yes, you do still have to pay child
41:57
support because the child still has to be taken care if the child does not
42:00
stop living because you lost your job, and I'm sorry that you may have
42:05
lost your job, but the child still has to still have to be provided
42:09
for. Child support does not stop because you lost your job. You may
42:15
want to contact your child support agency to see if you can get what they
42:17
call a modification in child support payments. And a modification is that you'll still
42:23
pay something, but there's an arrear, but they'll hold it on the side
42:29
until you find a job, and then once you start working again, you
42:34
start paying some of that arreas plus what your current payment is supposed to be
42:38
anyway, so they can help you in that way. So don't just stop
42:43
paying child support now. As far as the bankruptcy. Yeah, you can
42:46
file bankruptcy if you lose your job, but that wouldn't stop your child support
42:51
payments. Child support is child support. You can't file bankruptcy just because you
42:57
lost your job and you don't want to pay the child support. That doesn't
43:00
work. You have to file bankruptcy for reasons that it was set up for
43:05
bankruptcy, not because you're stuck or I don't. I take that back.
43:09
I don't want to say stuff. Some men think that they stuck, but
43:12
not because you're paying child support. So don't think, oh, I'm gonna
43:15
go file bankruptcy. I don't have to pay child support anymore. That's not
43:20
gonna work because you gotta go through legal matters when you do bankruptcy, and
43:22
they're gonna itemize everything's there. So if you put child support down it,
43:27
that's what's gonna happen. Lying right through it. They're not going to accept
43:30
that it doesn't work. They don't. They don't do that. So Latania
43:36
Acts. Is there ever a reason that child support gets dropped? Yeah,
43:40
there are reasons that child suport gets dropped Latania. One of the reasons is,
43:45
unfortunately, it could be the death of the child if the child passed
43:49
away, then you're you're not gonna pay child support, and I would hate
43:52
for that to be the reason, but you're not gonna have to pay child
43:55
support. If the child turns eighteen and they're not still in high school,
44:02
then you don't have to pay child support anymore, and that's in most states
44:06
because they're considered adults at eighteen years of age. Or if the child is
44:13
I said earlier disabled, you have to continue to take care of that child,
44:16
so very little that can be done as far as dropping child support.
44:22
But again, if the child pass away or the child reaches the age of
44:27
eighteen, then you don't have to pay child support, or you can determine
44:30
that that child wasn't yours in the first place, and you're going through court
44:34
and the court determines yes through DNA or maybe admission by mom, that that
44:38
child is not yours, and you won't be paying child support anymore. But
44:43
there's nor the reason that I know of that you wouldn't pay child support,
44:45
or unless you're dCas, then of course you're not paying child support. So
44:51
those would be some of the reasons. But I would tell anyone contact child
44:55
support their local child support agency or to get an a turn that deals with
45:00
family law and they can help you. Again, I am not an attorney.
45:04
These are just some things that I know. I did speak to some
45:06
experts on some questions. These questions came in, so I wanted to make
45:10
sure that I had the right answers and plus answers that I already knew because
45:15
I dealt with some people who dealt with some of these issues with child support.
45:20
But that's only in the state that I live in. So I give
45:22
that advice for states that I live in, but other states may follow suit,
45:25
they may do the same thing. But then every state had they own
45:29
rules and their own regulations. But thanks for the question. Antiya Okay,
45:34
where we at Kenney in three Port Long Island. He says he was incarcerated
45:39
for two years. Why was he obligated to still pay child support? Unfortunately,
45:45
the world does not stop when you're incarcerated, just like your child does
45:50
not stop living. Ask your attorney if they can assist you with modification while
45:54
you're incarcerated so you're not hit with a double war me before you release from
46:00
prison. You don't want to be in prison, oh, in child support
46:02
and it wasn't paid and it's time for you to get out. Guess what,
46:07
By the time you get to that door, boom, they hit you
46:12
with non payment of child support and you're turning right back around. You're going
46:15
back inside. Make sure you speak with your attorney to see if they can
46:20
assist you with the paperwork for modification of child support. But in some cases,
46:25
in prison you can work or this work, or you know some people
46:30
do work and do certain things in prison. And if you're getting a check
46:37
in prison, then that's part of that modification. You're showing that you're in
46:42
prison. Your attorney can vouch for you sending whatever document they need to saying
46:45
that my client is currently inconcerated and they may be working in prison, and
46:52
they'll modify whatever payment you're getting and that would go directly to the child support
46:59
agency to paying some of that child support down. Think of it this way.
47:01
If you're in there for a stretch, for any period of time,
47:05
you want to get that down, especially when you know you're gonna be coming
47:07
out and you just want to clean record. You just don't want to have
47:10
anything hanging over your head. Try to take care of whatever you can take
47:14
care of while you're in that situation, you have an attorney. They're supposed
47:17
to be working for you. Understand that they're working for your criminal matter,
47:21
but you have some decent attorneys who may want to help you out as well.
47:24
So again, you don't want to get re arrested for non payment of
47:29
child support. The child support you old will eventually be in a risk and
47:32
it will add up, so you will have some payments that will be adding
47:38
up. Donald in New York says, my child is eighteen years old?
47:44
Should the child support in by now? Again, unless they're disabled or still
47:49
in high school, it won't stop. But if they're eighteen, then it
47:55
should stop. Donald, there's no reason why you should still be paying child
47:59
spy unless you want to, you know, to still help your child.
48:01
But it wouldn't be considered child support because it might not be going to the
48:05
to the parents, you know, to the mom, and may just be
48:07
going to your child. Your child could be in college and you just want
48:10
to help your child out, so that could be um, you know,
48:14
one way of you still supporting your child. You know it's not between you
48:17
and your child anyway. You know, the disagreement was never between you and
48:22
your child, so, you know, helping your child out maybe something you
48:24
want to continue to do. Andrew in Charlotte, North Carolina, says,
48:30
I am receiving SSI, can they stop my benefits? Well, Andrew,
48:37
you should not have to pay child support if you're receiving SSI. However,
48:43
if you're ordered to pay support before you started receiving SSI and later you started
48:49
receiving it, you will have to follow a petition to ask for the court
48:52
to stop the support. Okay, So if you will already receive paying child
48:58
support and you receive SSI maybe two years later after that, what you would
49:04
have to do is petition the court to tell them that you're receiving SSI so
49:08
they can stop the payment. But I don't want you dads to get it
49:12
mixed up or your mom to get it mixed up. Oh, I'm going
49:15
to claim a disability so I won't have to pay child support anymore. First
49:19
of all, you're gonna have to actually be disabled in order to get the
49:22
SSI, So it doesn't work for you to just be doing that thinking that,
49:27
oh, this is one way I'm not gonna have to pay. You
49:30
may have to pay child support out of your check if you receive SSDI,
49:36
so there's a difference in SSI and SSDI. Ssd I, you'll have to
49:40
pay child support out of your check if you're receiving that. If you do
49:45
not pay, Social Security is going to garnish part of that check, and
49:50
the largest amount they can garnish is sixty five percent of your check. So
49:54
you don't want to start going down that road. They're gonna take out sixty
49:59
five of your check. Think of it this way. You might not have
50:02
been paying that much, but that sixty five percent coming out of that check,
50:07
that's a whole life because that's more than half. So what you're gonna
50:12
do then pay your child support? Work something out. Maybe mom will understand
50:16
that that is disabled that's not able to work, or maybe the other way
50:21
around. Mom is disabled now and they're not able to do that. They
50:23
can do what they can. Talk to each other. That works sometimes if
50:29
you really talk to each other. Larry and then at L I simply cannot
50:35
afford what I'm ordered to pay in child support. Should I stop payment?
50:39
Absolutely not ask for a modification. Modification is granted only when there's a substantial
50:46
change in your income or the child's income or the child's needs. So just
50:52
say that your child needs a tutor, your child has to go for just
51:00
say mental health services, or your income has decreased, then you can go
51:07
for the modification. Bring all the proof that you need. As for the
51:10
men, if you last your job or you are working at another job and
51:14
you're not making the same amount of money, go and see if you can
51:17
get modification. But you need to bring proof. Now, ladies, I'm
51:22
gonna get this one to you as well. If for whatever reason that your
51:24
child needs other services and you can't afford to do it, say they need
51:30
it to to say they're going for special therapy and you're working but your insurance
51:36
is not covering it, you can go for modification. They was already paying
51:39
you one hundred dollars a month and you know you need that extra support.
51:43
You can go there too for modification and ask for more money. But don't
51:46
go and ask for more money either side being greedy or being nasty to the
51:51
other person, because modification is not set up for that. Modification is there
51:55
to help so you can do what you need to do for your child,
52:00
not because I'm mad at him. I need some more money. So I'm
52:04
gonna go ahead and see if I can get more money from them. They're
52:06
gonna grant it to me, then yeah, i can go on vacation with
52:08
my friends. Every month. I'll get an extra two three hundred dollars.
52:12
That's not the way it works, and that's not what it was put up
52:15
putting it for. So use modification because you need modification. It's not fair.
52:22
There's a question that says, if he's what if he's picky on when
52:25
he pays, should I didn't see child support? Well, if you if
52:30
he was giving you money without a child support order and he's telling he's gonna
52:36
give it to you every Friday, and then all of a sudden he missed
52:37
that Friday. There could be a reason why he missed that Friday. Maybe
52:42
he was sick, maybe he was out of town. It could be many
52:45
many reasons. Remember we just came out of COVID, so there could be
52:49
many reasons why he missed that payment. So I wouldn't necessarily say, oh,
52:52
he missed Friday's payment, and here it is Saturday morning, I didn't
52:54
get the payment yet. Maybe he worked the double last night, Maybe he
52:59
was golf a bit in the accident, he couldn't get it to you.
53:01
Don't go run down the child support Monday morning saying, well, he didn't
53:05
do it till now, I'm gonna start taking them there. No, that's
53:07
not the way you do. Talk to each other. Talk to each other
53:12
to find out what's going on. Maybe he'll give you that Friday plus the
53:15
following Friday at the same time because baby was working and he says, you
53:19
know, she's doing a good job taking care of my kids, so I
53:22
want to hit her with a little extra money for this week. You never
53:24
know what happened. If dad is working under the table and or a simple
53:30
cash business, well, if you can prove that he's working, take pictures,
53:38
send a decoy in then't know. I'm just kidding, take pictures of
53:43
dad working. Dad's gonna slip up somewhere along the line and tell somebody.
53:46
And if he's working under the table, whatever establishment he's working for, they
53:51
have to they should report it unless his uncle jab or somebody like that.
53:54
You can. Family can work for each other, but if they're paying them,
53:58
maybe he's paying him out of his pocket. Uncle may be helping him
54:01
out in that way. But if you can prove it. Then you can
54:06
take them for child support because they're going to ask them to come to court.
54:10
They could be subpoena to court. And then when you can say,
54:14
well, he was working over there with someone, So Uncle Jeff is not
54:16
gonna want to jeopardize his job because they're gonna have Uncle Jeff in court too.
54:21
So if you can prove that he's working, don't think that all relatives
54:23
is going to stick with somebody who's really not doing the right thing. Once
54:27
you're going to court, you're swearing in they ask you do you swear to
54:30
tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. And if
54:32
you're court lying, he's got to have more than child support to pay.
54:36
So there's one way that you can do it. So could be a simple
54:40
cash business. But again you got to file taxes, and when they file
54:45
taxes they use what their social security number. Once that social security number comes
54:51
in, that's where you have them him or her. So it's not just
54:54
about catching him. It could be heard too doing the same thing. Because
54:58
some women like to do hair nails and all this other stuff. Old school
55:01
sitting on somebody steps, breaking their head and they're sliding them somebody, Hey,
55:06
where you get your head done. So something my girl down the block
55:07
day boom, there's your proof right there. So guys and girls, you
55:12
can get caught. So instead of trying to go a roundabout way, just
55:15
do the right thing and just pay your child support so you can be happy.
55:19
So you might be looking over your show door wondering if you're not gonna
55:22
get your taxes. You don't want. You don't have to live like that,
55:25
Glenn. I work two jobs. Will they're gone this both of my
55:29
jobs. Will they're going is both of my jobs. They'll try to get
55:35
what they can from one job. Glenn. So if you, oh,
55:38
say every month you're supposed to pay three hundred dollars a month or maybe three
55:44
hundred dollars a week, I know that's pretty steep, but just say it's
55:46
three hundred dollars a week. If your pay does not cover that from that
55:52
one job, they're gonna go after the other job. But then not gonna
55:55
take three hundred up from this job and three hundred from that job. That's
55:59
they're not gonna do that. They're only going to take what they're allowed to
56:00
take. So don't think that you can't work two jobs. You can some
56:05
people do work one enough to take care of the child and the child one
56:08
other one is to take care of himself and to take care of business.
56:13
Now his x X says, I am serving my country. Why should I
56:19
pay child support? X? I don't even know where to begin with that
56:22
one. If you do not pay your child support wages, your wages could
56:30
be guards, whether you like it or not. And the US military requires
56:32
that you take financial care of your children and atone to the agreement between the
56:37
parents and the court order or the military. Because when you're going, I'm
56:39
quite sure they do ask you a lot of questions. Marvin asks, my
56:45
child lives with me? How do I stop paying child support? Send a
56:47
written statement, Marvin, to your case specialists or to the court, stating
56:52
that the child lives with you, and begin the process of found emotion to
56:55
suppen your child. To suspend your child support payments? Bell, can they
57:01
suspend my license and from behind my child support payments? If you are sixty
57:07
days or more behind on your child support obligations, the Child Support Enforcement Administration
57:12
is supposed to notify the motor vehicle they'll suspend your driver's license. Now you
57:17
can apply women too, you can apply for a conditional license, meaning that
57:22
they don't let you have your license only to go back and forth to work
57:27
so you can pay that child support. Or don't think that, yeah,
57:30
I'm a party on the week as I got my car. Because if you
57:31
stop for whatever reason and they see it's conditional, you have more than just
57:36
a problem with child support. You can get arrested because it was only conditional.
57:42
Ladies, this one's for you. If he moved out of town and
57:45
I cannot find him, how do I get my child support payments? I
57:51
was wondering if somebody who's about to ask that question. But look, if
57:53
they found Ben Latten, they can definitely find him. Leave me. They'll
57:59
find him. For one, everybody has the sole security number. Wages are
58:02
garners, and if he changes jobs, it may take a few weeks for
58:07
them to find him, but they'll find him and then they'll garnish his wages
58:09
again. He's not gonna to keep running from job to job because it's not
58:13
gonna look good that this man can't hold on to the JOD. At some
58:15
point, nobody's going on to hire him. So that's one way of you
58:21
know, getting your child support. This is my last question for tonight,
58:24
and it's from Marcus and the Bronx. He writes, I already have a
58:29
child on paying child support for Will I have to pay child support for the
58:34
second child? If so, will I have to pay the same amount?
58:38
Well, Malcolm, I'm not sure if your question is whether you have a
58:42
second child with the same parent as the first job or if there's another parent
58:46
involved, but either way you would have to pay child support for both children.
58:52
However, your initial child support payments rull been considered when the child support
58:55
is ordered. So if you have two children by two different women in your
59:00
paying just say one hundred a week, when you go to court for this
59:06
child, you let them know that you already have a child support order for
59:07
another child, and the judge or a master, or whoever it is that
59:12
you see, will take that into consideration. I don't know if they're gonna
59:15
make it the same how much less they may make it, but that's going
59:19
to happen in court. I want to thank you all for watching and listening
59:23
to this episode. I hope it was informative and I hope both parties will
59:29
think about what is in the best interests of their child. Remember, each
59:32
parent has a legal obligation to support their children despite the custody arrangements. That
59:38
means that you and your ex must both contribute to the court of your child's
59:43
upbringing. You might have to pay child support if you have fifty fifty custody.
59:47
I don't know. They may need more at one house than they do
59:52
it the other. Fifty to fifty doesn't always mean fifty fifty. Suppose you
59:55
make six thousand a month and you have sole custody of your child and your
1:00:00
ex earns four thousand per months. You would be responsible for sixty percent of
1:00:06
the child support amount and assume to pay this directly for the child's benefit.
1:00:12
Your ex supports obligation would be forty percent of the amount paid to you.
1:00:17
Multiple factors can affect each parent's child support amount, such as custody and visitation.
1:00:24
Learn to negotiate before you go to court. Remember it's all about the
1:00:28
child and it's not about you. Join us August eighteen for the Other Side
1:00:34
of the Storm with best selling and visionary author Diana Hill After eight after Dark,
1:00:40
Thanks guys, and I'll see you in two weeks. That's a good
1:00:54
way. You don't get it passed, but thank you for yourself. Basic
1:00:59
Black after Dawn the hour neue podcast show with your host, Black Diamond