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Turning Conflict into Connection: Strategies for Empathetic Leaders · Speak In Flow

• 0:02
  Melinda Lee: Welcome, dear listeners, to the speak and flow podcast, where we dive into strategies to help you and your team unleash the power of their voice achieve maximum potential and flow.
• 0:14
  Melinda Lee: Today's episode is all for our empathetic communicators. Out there. Those of us, like me, who have high emotions and feel all of our feelings and have high emotional intelligence. I want to teach you how to tap into that in difficult conversations or in difficult interactions. Those people that we think are frustrating, annoying.
• 0:37
  Melinda Lee: How do we manage that? And that's topic today. So let's get started. And I'm gonna begin with the story that just happened last weekend.
• 0:46
  Melinda Lee: I'm in a parking lot. There's open space, and I'm with a friend, and he turns to me and says, Melinda, would you like to play. Pick a ball! I thought to myself. I never played before. I don't know how, but I'm open, sure. And so he went to go grab the paddles, and we're in the big parking lot, and he starts to teach me how to swing the ball and hit the ball so
• 1:09
  Melinda Lee: well
• 1:10
  Melinda Lee: I'm starting to get it. I'm hitting and swinging the ball back, and he swings the ball back to me, and then, because there's no net, he starts swinging a little bit harder. He knows I'm starting to understand how to play. So I swing the ball and I hit and hit it back to him even harder. And then suddenly, we're we're rallying, and it's going really hard. The balls are going back and forth, and and then there's chaos. And because there's no rules. And so that
• 1:33
  Melinda Lee: that reminded me of hmm.
• 1:36
  Melinda Lee: Our interactions are very similar to that.
• 1:39
  Melinda Lee: When it's chaotic, when there's emotion, there's no rules. We're bouncing balls and words back and forth. We're throwing words at each other and not really thinking through what is happening or what we're saying.
• 1:52
  Melinda Lee: And so today, I want us to have more intention, more awareness on how to deal with these difficult interactions with the 4 strategies and tips.
• 2:03
  Melinda Lee: I call them the C's.
• 2:05
  Melinda Lee: S stands for self-awareness.
• 2:08
  Melinda Lee: E stands for empathetic listening.
• 2:11
  Melinda Lee: The 3rd E are the 3rd strategy is effective communication for E, and then S self-care.
• 2:19
  Melinda Lee: So I'm gonna break down each of the tips, beginning with self awareness. Now, this is where most people don't dive in or don't really quite understand how to break this apart and understand the self awareness means having the self awareness and understanding of what just triggered you.
• 2:37
  Melinda Lee: and not just what triggered you, what is the need within you that is being triggered.
• 2:43
  Melinda Lee: For example.
• 2:45
  Melinda Lee: the person might have just been dismissive to you.
• 2:49
  Melinda Lee: noticing when that person does that.
• 2:52
  Melinda Lee: and that's your trigger. That is what's causing the emotion, or the person might just have
• 2:58
  Melinda Lee: been inconsiderate to you, or had inconsistent behavior. What is that trigger? The behavior that the other person is doing or saying that is triggering up the emotion. Take a pause.
• 3:10
  Melinda Lee: then, for all of us who are highly empathetic, then ask yourself, go deeper, use your emotional intelligence.
• 3:18
  Melinda Lee: What need is not being met, because that is what's driving your emotion.
• 3:24
  Melinda Lee: If the person is, has inconsistent behavior, perhaps your need is
• 3:30
  Melinda Lee: stability.
• 3:32
  Melinda Lee: and it's not being met.
• 3:33
  Melinda Lee: If the person just dismissed you, your need to be heard is not being met.
• 3:40
  Melinda Lee: The person is inconsiderate, your need for respect
• 3:44
  Melinda Lee: is not being met.
• 3:46
  Melinda Lee: So really ask yourself.
• 3:48
  Melinda Lee: and have a high self-awareness of that deeper need, because then you can express it and get that need meant
• 3:56
  Melinda Lee: rather than saying surface level.
• 3:59
  Melinda Lee: and then know that when your need is not being met.
• 4:04
  Melinda Lee: the other person's need is also not being met.
• 4:07
  Melinda Lee: which takes me to the next strategy.
• 4:10
  Melinda Lee: empathetic, listening.
• 4:13
  Melinda Lee: active, listening.
• 4:14
  Melinda Lee: Let the person know that you hear them. What I hear you saying is that you want me to do XYZ.
• 4:23
  Melinda Lee: What I hear you saying is that you're frustrated because you would like XYZ.
• 4:29
  Melinda Lee: And then take it a step further. Get curious.
• 4:35
  Melinda Lee: Ask questions of what is that need of the other person that's not being met?
• 4:40
  Melinda Lee: Most likely it's either respect
• 4:43
  Melinda Lee: not being heard or not having consistency and behavior.
• 4:49
  Melinda Lee: So really ask questions and get curious from a genuine place, because what that does is, then you're going to establish connections
• 4:58
  Melinda Lee: without this connection.
• 5:01
  Melinda Lee: You're not going to have solutions or creativity.
• 5:05
  Melinda Lee: If you continue to stay up at the surface level, throwing words at each other and not listening, you're never going to get to solution.
• 5:13
  Melinda Lee: So taking. And if you're up at that level and high emotion, knowing
• 5:18
  Melinda Lee: to take breaks
• 5:21
  Melinda Lee: and then coming back to a place of when you're both at a place that you can feel heard, and the other person is also able to listen to you, and both of you are calmer. Then you can start to bridge the Gap bridge. The connection get curious
• 5:35
  Melinda Lee: which moves into the next
• 5:38
  Melinda Lee: strategy, which is empathetic communication.
• 5:41
  Melinda Lee: communicating in a way that's collaborative
• 5:45
  Melinda Lee: versus divisive, demeaning.
• 5:48
  Melinda Lee: opening up your heart to finding those solutions and going into collaboration. Ask the person, what do you think? What are your solutions? Knowing that both of our needs are not being met. How can we help each other meet
• 6:02
  Melinda Lee: our needs.
• 6:05
  Melinda Lee: and then establishing clear boundaries.
• 6:09
  Melinda Lee: saying, being very specific about what is the exact behavior or words that trigger you.
• 6:17
  Melinda Lee: and then setting the boundaries being very clear of when it's too much, or what is appropriate and what is not
• 6:24
  Melinda Lee: to create a meaningful relationship.
• 6:28
  Melinda Lee: Then once you have clear, effective communication connection.
• 6:34
  Melinda Lee: If that doesn't work, then you could go on to the 4th strategy, which is practicing self care.
• 6:40
  Melinda Lee: knowing when to take breaks.
• 6:43
  Melinda Lee: knowing when if the emotion is high, knowing that you might need some time to practice some self care for both of you.
• 6:53
  Melinda Lee: Taking walks.
• 6:55
  Melinda Lee: going on vacation, taking, giving, going back to the simplicity of life. That's what I like to do, keeping things simple. What are the little things that bring me joy?
• 7:06
  Melinda Lee: I like to do painting? I like to go walk on that beach, and just having so much gratitude that I can have the freedom to do that.
• 7:15
  Melinda Lee: and that will restore me and give me energy for the next time, when I have to do not if. But when those other, and when the interactions come again.
• 7:26
  Melinda Lee: I'm more prepared.
• 7:27
  Melinda Lee: I'm more aware. And I'm going to be able to use these tools effectively.
• 7:31
  Melinda Lee: and I believe that by practicing and having patience with using these techniques
• 7:38
  Melinda Lee: you can turn any difficult interaction into a meaningful one.
• 7:44
  Melinda Lee: a 1 that establishes connection.
• 7:47
  Melinda Lee: and brings joy to your life and more peace and flow
• 7:52
  Melinda Lee: until I see you. Next time. If you like. This episode, please subscribe like, put into the comments and share it with somebody.
• 8:01
  Melinda Lee: Thanks for being here today I'm your sister, and flow. May prosperity flow to you, and through you always.