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When Trust Breaks: Reclaiming Yourself After Later-Life Heartbreak · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the DivaDetails. Where bold,
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confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep.
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Well, hello, this is Diva Mia, and today I wanted to reach out to you and talk
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to you a little bit about heartbreak.
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There's something uniquely painful about heartbreak later in life.
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When you are young, heartbreak kind of feels devastating, but there's often
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an underlying assumption that you have plenty of time.
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Plenty of people left to meet, plenty of chapters still unwritten.
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Your next person could be right around the corner. Later in life,
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however, can feel a little different.
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You may have already been married, raised children, built businesses,
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careers, survived divorce, You might even have some setbacks with your finances
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or family struggles. And all these things kind of throw adulthood at you and
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throw heartbreak at you a little differently.
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You know yourself better. So when you finally decide to trust someone again,
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you usually aren't doing it casually. You're making a conscious decision to open a door.
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And that experience taught you to guard yourself. And when you trust someone
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and that person cheats on you or disrespects you, it isn't simply heartbreak.
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It's the shock of realizing that the relationship you thought you were living
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wasn't entirely the relationship that actually existed.
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And did you actually know that person at all? Today we're talking about what
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happens when someone blindsides you with betrayal, how to recognize some of
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the warning signs, why cheating happens, and most importantly,
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how you recover without allowing somebody else's choice to define the rest of
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your life and define who you are.
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So from the beginning, I think that people can be unhappy in relationships. People can feel lonely.
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Sex might decline. Sometimes it doesn't.
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A lot of times I think people think that the reason people cheat is because
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of a lack of sex. But a lot of times that's not the case.
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Communication could be breaking down. Attraction can change.
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Couples can grow apart. And then there's also just people that have a habitual
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way of cheating. They're addicted to it. They may be addicted to porn.
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They may be addicted to drugs.
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The chase or that feeling of constant validation.
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Even if you give them validation, sometimes their ego is so weak or they're
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so insecure that they have to find it elsewhere.
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Those things can happen, but none of those things require cheating,
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but some people do anyway.
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A mature adult has options. Most mature adults, they'll communicate with you.
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They can go to counseling, but they also have to establish boundaries,
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and you need to establish boundaries. If they're unhappy, why don't they just
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leave instead of cheating?
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Because cheating is a decision. And what I found is the people that tend to
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cheat are the most insecure.
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They're also the people that are lacking in character because they don't care
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about other people. Because if they did, they would realize that cheating affects them as well.
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They only care about themselves. They very rarely say, I'm sorry.
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It requires deciding that instead of cheating, that you should be honest with
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the person. And if you don't want to be with that person, just let them know. You should be an adult.
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Because what's going to happen is you have to have two realities.
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You're going to maintain one reality
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with your partner and secretly create another one with someone else.
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Because you have to have a second relationship with someone else.
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Honestly, I'm too busy to even understand how people manage the two relationships,
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one relationships. More than enough for me.
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That is why I believe cheating ultimately becomes an issue of character.
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Not because every person who has ever cheated is permanently incapable of becoming
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a better human being. People can change.
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But real change requires a lot of accountability.
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The people that cheat have very low character.
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Very low quality of character. Accountability sounds very different from excuses.
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And the funny thing is, is every time you catch a cheater, they always deflect
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and say it's not true. Or they always try to run from it, and they won't address
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it. It sounds like you weren't giving me enough attention.
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We didn't have enough sex. You were asking for too much sex. You were always busy.
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I didn't think you cared anymore. I was drunk when I cheated.
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I mean, these are some of the excuses that people come up with.
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It didn't mean anything. It was just sex. Those statements attempt to explain away the behavior.
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But accountability sounds more like this. I made a selfish decision.
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I deceived you. I lied to you. You don't have to make me do it.
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I did it myself. Because that's what accountability is. It's when people take
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responsibility for their cheating. Honestly, if you're a person that goes back
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to a person that cheats, just be very, very careful.
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Because the trust is gone. And it's very difficult to get back.
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How are you going to trust that person in the future?
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And there's an enormous difference between accountability and excuses.
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One of the biggest misconceptions I think about infidelity is that someone must
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have cheated because their relationship was terrible. And that's not necessarily true.
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Some people cheat because they like the adrenaline rush. Some people cheat while
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describing their primary relationship as very happy. They want to see what they can get away with.
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They feel comfortable that the other person will never leave them.
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They feel like they have the upper hand, and it can be incredibly difficult
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for the betrayed person to understand.
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You start by asking, what the hell was I missing? Or maybe nothing was missing,
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and they're just flawed.
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Sometimes the attraction is in a better relationship. Sometimes it's just a
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novelty, something new.
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Or they wanted to try something different. Or they need self-validation,
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because a lot of people need self-validation, especially when they get older.
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They need their ego boosted by being with a younger person because they're so
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insecure and weak. Their attention is weak.
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They want to keep things in secrecy. They want to have flings on the side just to see that they can't.
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And those aren't the type of people that have strong moral character.
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Those aren't the type of people that are men.
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Those aren't the type of people that are women. They're little children disguised
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in men and women's bodies. Just because they have the opportunity to doesn't
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mean they should. Men and women are supposed to have boundaries where you're
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supposed to be able to make conscious decisions.
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And if you make a conscious decision that to cheat, you deserve all the fallout that comes your way.
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You deserve all the embarrassment that comes your way. But the funny thing is,
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is those people that cheat tend to never take accountability.
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They'll deflect or they'll blame the person that broke up with them.
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Sometimes people cheat because they want a sexual excitement.
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They want to try something new or simply the thrill of doing something forbidden
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is an adrenaline rush for them.
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For some people, that novelty seeking pattern can become very repetitive and
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they become habitual cheaters. And then when you break up with them,
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you wonder, were they cheating before? How many times? Who were they with?
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And then if they say no one, then you have to really question because cheaters
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are liars, so you never know.
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On top of that, you have to worry about STDs.
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It's so disrespectful to a partner that you're monogamous with to cheat on them
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because you've put their health at risk as well.
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They may repeatedly pursue excitement associated with secrecy,
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conquest, or new attention and lie to you.
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And they give off signals here and there. It doesn't mean that every person
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who's cheat is literally addicted to cheating, but addiction has a clinical meaning.
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And we shouldn't diagnose people from across the kitchen table,
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but repetitive cheating absolutely can become a behavioral pattern.
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This is important to know.
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Because if you're with a person that's cheated and cheated before,
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then you're going to have to realize that you're going to have to understand
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the betrayal and realize that they may cheat on you again.
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And you can drive yourself crazy looking for the things you failed to provide,
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but a lot of times you were providing exactly what they needed.
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They were just wanting something different.
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You may have provided everything that person claimed to want.
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The problem wasn't necessarily that you weren't enough. The problem may have
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been that enough wasn't enough for them.
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So realize that you are enough. When people cheat, that's their decision.
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That's their choice. The second thing about betrayal is the lying,
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because they have to lie in order to cheat. Typically, when you call them out
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on it, they're going to lie to you as well. So make sure, if you can,
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have some type of documented proof.
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Because most people, the sexual
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or romantic betrayal isn't even the most psychological destabilizing part.
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It's the lying and the deception surrounding it. Because cheating usually requires lying.
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Sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, sometimes just omissions or half-truths
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or telling you they're at work when they're not or telling you that they're
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going to get a call from their boss instead of taking a call from someone else.
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But anyway, any and all cheating, they have to tell you half-truths and lies.
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And once you discover one lie, your mind immediately starts investigating the
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entire relationship. How often were you lied to?
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Was the whole relationship a lie? Should you have seen the signs earlier?
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And then it becomes difficult because was that business dinner actually a business dinner?
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When they were out on Saturday doing something else, were they actually doing
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something else or were they with someone else? Who were they texting?
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Why did they disappear for three hours and not come back?
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And is their explanation true? Who knows? Those affectionate messages that they
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talked to you about, were they genuine? I have no idea.
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Like, a lot of people that cheat are very affectionate. They'll tell you they love you.
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They'll tell you how much they want to see you or they miss you,
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and they're cheating on the side.
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Because sometimes they're even more affectionate when they're cheating.
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But your memories become evidence, and that's exhausting. You're only grieving
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the relationship. You're trying to determine which part of your own history was real.
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It's exhausting. What you have to realize is that it doesn't matter.
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When you find out someone cheated, you've dodged a bullet.
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It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter when.
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And it doesn't matter how often. You dodged a bullet because if you would have
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gone longer in that relationship, they would have sucked up more of your life,
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more of your valuable time, more of who you are.
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And time is one commodity we don't have. So when a person shows you who they are, believe them.
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If they show you they're a cheater, let them go.
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Because that's the safest way to maintain your sanity.
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And that's the safest way to have self-respect.
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There's no single behavior that proves someone is cheating. You've got to understand
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that. That's important to note.
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A hidden phone doesn't automatically mean they're having an affair.
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Missing a call doesn't mean someone is sleeping with someone else.
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And changes in sexual behavior can have a dozen explanations.
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It can be their hormones are off, or it can be they cheat.
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It can be that they're lying about something or uncomfortable with something,
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and they're just not interested or having fluctuations in their mood.
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But patterns do matter. And sometimes you begin to notice things with your instincts
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and the inconsistencies before your conscious mind puts everything together.
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It eats at you and it'll feel like a pit in the bottom of your stomach.
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I'm speaking as someone that has had this experience on a couple occasions. It's nerve wracking.
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For someone that overthinks, it is exhausting mentally. But you got to let it go.
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There are certain behaviors worth paying attention to, particularly when several
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things appear back-to-back or together.
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But sometimes they're so good at lying and habitually cheating,
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the better they're going to be at lying. And it's a red flag for you.
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Because if they're so good at lying, you're going to say, oh my goodness, what the heck.
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Sometimes there'll be a sudden phone that pops up and it's a sign they might be cheating.
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But honestly, it's hard. It's very hard to find out.
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I was in a relationship with a man, and the woman that he was setting up to
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cheat with was married, and she contacted me and let me know that he told her all about me,
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and that he just wanted to have a secret fling on the side.
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It was funny because the intimacy was there.
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I wanted even more intimacy, but it was there, and I was blindsided.
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I was shocked, actually, because I was considering that person as a future forever person.
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But you have to guard your heart so much because you never know what's going to happen.
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Sometimes their phone used to sit on the counter and they keep it in their pocket
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and they never want you to see it now. That can be a sign and more or it never
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leaves their hand and they're always on it even when they're not doing work.
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They flip it over when you want to walk into the room or suddenly they change
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all their passwords if you knew their passwords in the first place.
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Or they take it to the bathroom and notifications disappear quickly.
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The privacy could be normal, but if it's a sudden changed or a sudden explained
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secrecy, secrecy, it might be a sign.
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And the problem is if you're used to trusting people or trusting that person,
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it might take a few things you notice before you are clued in.
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And other people that are in a relationship with them to step up and let you know.
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Or checking out other people's phones is not a guarantee to know.
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Because I found out there's an app called Telegram where people's texts disappear.
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So it's a big cheating app where men and women will go on it and people on Telegram.
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If they have the app, it doesn't mean that they're cheating,
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but a lot of them are. And there's other places besides dating apps where people
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meet people. People meet people on Reddit.
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They have whole organizations or groups of people that just want to cheat on
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the people they're with.
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It's kind of disgusting and gross. If you think about it, just the whole concept
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of it is gross. If you want to have affairs with people, don't get into a relationship.
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It makes no sense to be in a relationship with someone if you want to just go sleep around.
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There's no reason to be in a relationship. One of the other warning signs is
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when men or women are constantly checking out of people while you're with them.
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Everybody notices attractive people, but openly scanning the room repetitively
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and staring at other people, flirting in front of you, or constantly seeking
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out other attentions can tell you something about a person's boundaries and character.
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So pay attention to how someone behaves when they think you're not paying attention,
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because it gets to the point where when they check out other people all the
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time, it's kind of a red flag as well.
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They also might have unexplained disappearances, like all of a sudden they forgot
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something and they have to go pick something up, and they go away for two or three hours.
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They were supposed to arrive at 7 and they don't arrive, or they were supposed
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to call and they don't call. Then they arrive two or three hours late or they don't arrive at all.
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No call, no text. Then comes some elaborate explanation of traffic,
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or they were waiting in line somewhere, but they never texted you and let you
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know they were taking a long time.
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Occasionally, life happens repetitively, but not that you need constant check-in,
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but if it begins to become a repeated pattern, that's something you should take into consideration.
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And you could have been with a person for three months, six months,
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a year, five years, and they start cheating. I will say the sooner you find
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out, the better, because every time that person cheats, they put you in a risk
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for an STD or a life-changing STD.
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You have to be careful, and it's so disrespectful for them to do that.
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The other thing that people do is they over explain, like they may send you a text.
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I got a text one time by accident and then the person over explained to me and
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that was like a kind of a red flag to me that something might be going on.
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But a lot of times we don't want our triggers from previous relationships to
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affect our current relationships. So we try to tamp down or any thoughts we
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have try to like say, oh, it's OK, or explain it away ourselves.
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Sometimes deception comes with far more detail than the situation requires.
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They're over-explaining stuff, they talk too much, they feel nervous,
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and some people, when they're cheating, they start showing more affection to
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you to try to act like nothing's going on.
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A simple question sometimes will get a five-minute answer, or they're being
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more loving than they normally are and showing you more affection and intimacy than normal.
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Suddenly, you're hearing about traffic lights, coworkers, parking spaces,
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battery percentages, and cashiers at gas stations because they need to tell you all the details.
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And it doesn't prove dishonesty if they're sharing.
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But when explanation repeatedly doesn't match their behavior,
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pay attention. Find out why they are over-explaining.
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Because when people are in a relationship, there's a companionship that goes along with it.
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Most people are best friends with the people they're in a relationship with.
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So when you cheat, you don't just violate that intimacy and companionship,
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you violate that friendship.
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There's also sometimes changes in intimacy. Sometimes people become less sexual,
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interested in their primary partner during an affair, but sometimes they also
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become more interested.
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So they'll be having extra sex with you maybe once or twice a day,
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and yet they're also going out to cheat.
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There isn't a universal pattern. Some people say, well, if they're not having
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sex with you, that must mean they're cheating. that doesn't mean so.
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What matters is an unexplained change combined with other concerning behavior,
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and it's so hard to predict. And sometimes withholding affection or sex can
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become manipulative, too.
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When a partner pulls away, you start to wonder what's going on.
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You work hard to repair the relationship. You put the fault on you,
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and it's not your fault. If you're trying to have sex with someone and they
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don't want to have sex, that might be a red flag. It might be a hormonal issue,
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or it may be they're cheating on the side.
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Then they return emotionally and suddenly, and everything feels wonderful again.
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It's a yo-yo cycle. It's very manipulative.
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And then they gaslight you and tell you things aren't happening when you call them out on it.
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This pull-to-pull cycle can leave you constantly trying to regain the relationship
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and exhausted and cause anxiety.
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And eventually you can find yourself accepting behavior you never would have.
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In the very beginning, in the very beginning, it might have been beautiful.
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It might have been wonderful.
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And then they get comfortable and they start abusing you by cheating with other people.
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And it is abuse. Let's not tiptoe around it. It is abuse. It's emotional abuse at the highest level.
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And when people do this, they don't care.
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And that's the problem. Later in life, this may be one of the most valuable
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dating lessons available. One of the things you need to do is stop giving words
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more credibility than patterns.
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Anyone can tell you they're loyal. Anyone can tell you they love you.
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And anyone can tell you they're being honest. They can also say,
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I never cheated. Or I think it's gross. Or I would never cheat.
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I heard that so many times. I've never felt like this before.
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You're amazing. You're the person I want. I want to marry you one day.
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And then they still cheat. Those statements are absolutely meaningless.
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But character is demonstrated through repeated behavior.
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I'm not one that when a person cheats to take people back, because if they've
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cheated on me and they masked it that well, then they're probably a serial cheater
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and a really good liar, because I can pick up on a lot.
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But what happens when nobody is forcing someone to do the right thing?
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Do they keep their commitments? Do they show up late?
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Do they tell you the truth? Do they lie about little stuff? Do they tell uncomfortable
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truths? Sometimes people act like they're vulnerable just to make you feel sympathy
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for them, or they'll blame their exes for cheating.
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How do we know? I'm not one for calling and talking to people's exes,
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but sometimes if you're getting, you know, bad vibes about something, maybe you need to.
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Do they tell you explanations that make sense? Or do they seem uncomfortable
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or over-explain things?
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And do their actions match their words? And here's the problem.
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Sometimes they do, but they're such good liars that you can't tell.
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I hope they've respected your boundaries, but sometimes they don't.
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And when you're not standing beside them, you're not going to know.
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And hopefully you have friends out there that can let you know or people out there that will step up.
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And I am happy about there's a lot of communities out there now and people that
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are reporting people that cheat. There's websites out there that say,
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are we dating the same guy? There's apps that you can just, you can download,
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I guess, that you can check to see if someone's cheating.
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But what happens if you don't know where they're at and where they're logging
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in? It's a difficult find. And was it just a one-time mistake,
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or do they own it? Are they going to do it over and over again? That's the question.
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Somehow, somebody else is at fault when they cheat, or they blame you.
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And they blame you to their friends and family when they're the cheaters.
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Character isn't demonstrated by behaving well when it's convenient.
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Character is demonstrated by behaving well when no one's looking.
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Character shows itself when someone has the opportunity to behave badly and chooses not to.
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Just because somebody has the opportunity to, doesn't mean they should.
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And shame on the people out there that pursue cheating just for the thrill of
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it. And you can't really find out by asking the question, have you ever cheated?
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That's the problem with dating.
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A lot of people don't want to date someone that has a history of repetitive
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cheating or infidelity.
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That's a legitimate boundary. I don't date people that cheat.
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I don't. I refuse to. But if you ask somebody, are they going to tell you the truth?
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Past behavior shows that if they're a cheater, they typically lie.
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Past behavior doesn't guarantee future behavior, but it's a pattern.
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So when you ask somebody, have you ever cheated?
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The uncomfortable reality is the person willing to hide an affair may also be
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willing to hide previous affairs.
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So the question itself isn't enough. You learn someone's character over time,
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but you have to pay attention to how they describe previous relationships.
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Every time their ex was crazy, interesting, or their ex didn't treat them well.
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But did they ever take accountability in the relationship? Every breakup was somebody else's fault.
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If they have a lot of hatred towards their exes and refuse to let it go,
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is the hatred really towards their exes or is it about hating themselves?
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Sometimes repeating that they're the innocent victim in every story,
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pay attention because no one's always the innocent victim in every story.
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Emotionally mature people can usually identify their own mistakes.
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They might say, my ex did things to hurt me, they cheated on me,
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but I understand maybe I could have done things differently or I handled things
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poorly or I stayed too long.
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That's a very different story from someone whose relationship history contains
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20 villains and one perpetual hero.
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I have fallen victim to this before, too, since I had a past where I was cheated
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on. I was more accepting when guys told me that they got cheated on.
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But when they told me the story that it was, you know, they were always the
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victim, I should have seen that as a red flag.
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Because even though I was cheated on, I've taken responsibility for...
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How my relationship ended and how things were. And I've actually made peace
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with it and forgiven my ex for his cheating.
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But the serial cheaters that do it just to manipulate you, shame on them.
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And sometimes you do everything right. You pay attention. You communicate. You're very intimate.
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You trust carefully. You take your time. You watch their behavior,
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and you still don't see it coming.
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That's why it's called being blindsided when they cheat. When you're blindsided, you had no idea.
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So don't torture yourself endlessly saying, how did I not know this?
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Because when you're blindsided, when they're showing you affection and you're
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still being intimate, and they're reaching out to other people after sex just
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for the thrill, that's called being blindsided.
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You're not supposed to conduct surveillance videos on someone you love.
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Trust requires the ability to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is scary.
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Because you can't guarantee genuine intimacy while simultaneously operating
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a private detective agency on them.
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You have to be able to trust. And that's the scary part of relationships.
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Your responsibility was to bring integrity into the relationship.
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And if they don't, that's on them. If they have no integrity.
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If they have no loyalty, that's on them.
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Their responsibility was do the same.
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Their responsibility was to be honest, truthful. And really,
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honestly, what do people bring to a relationship?
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I've dated people where they may not have made a lot of money.
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They were good looking, but not that great. And I was with them because I thought they were loyal.
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When they take away the loyal and the integrity and the respect aspect out of
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the relationship and all you have is basic connection that got lost when they
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disrespected you, you got nothing left.
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If they didn't know that information was going to hurt you, shame on them.
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What you do with the information that was up to you.
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I don't recommend competing with the other person. This is especially important
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after you discover that there's an infidelity. Frequently, people sometimes
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become obsessed with the person that they were cheating with.
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What does she look like? Is she younger? Is she thinner? Does she have more money?
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Is she smarter? Was she prettier? Was the sex better?
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You need to stop. Because that road leads you downward into a spiral, and it's awful.
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Once people cheat with people who are younger, older, richer,
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poorer, more attractive, and less attractive than the partners.
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You know what I find? They were never as good as you.
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When they cheat, they cheat with somebody that's less than, that's easy.
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Sometimes they cheat older, way older. But infidelity isn't a ranking system.
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It's a choice. The existence of another person does not establish your value.
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You have your value, and you know your value.
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You don't need to defeat the competition. You need to decide whether the person
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standing beside you still qualifies to be your partner, whether they're worthy of you.
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And typically when a person cheats, they're not.
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That's a different question. Are they worthy to be your partner anymore?
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Are they the person that cheated for no reason just to see if they could get away with it?
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And I know heartbreak later in life is difficult. I know when you're 45 or 50,
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50, 55, 60, you're thinking, oh, I don't want to start over again.
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But you know what? It's better to start over again with the right person than stay with the wrong.
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They didn't think it was starting over when they started cheating.
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They just thought they could get away with it.
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And you're not starting from zero. You're starting from experience.
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You know more. You've survived more.
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Your standards should be clear, and you should have bigger and stronger boundaries.
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And hopefully your tolerance for nonsense is significantly lower.
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There is freedom in that. There is freedom in letting go.
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At 25, you may have du-dated many people almost entirely based on chemistry.
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Later in life, chemistry still matters, but character should be the most important thing.
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And if a person's a serial cheater, they don't have character.
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They'll probably end up alone long-term because consistency becomes attractive,
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and peace becomes attractive. Reliability is attractive. Companionship is attractive.
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But only if you have companionship with somebody that has loyalty.
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And if they don't, there was no companionship.
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Someone saying they'll be there at 7 and actually showing up at 7 becomes strangely sexy.
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Welcome to adulthood. It's nice when people show up the way they say they're
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going to and are loyal and trustworthy.
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First, you have to accept the
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reality you're dealing with rather than the reality you wanted to have.
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Because a lot of people will tell you they're going to marry you or make plans
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for the future and entertain your plans for the future when they don't actually
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intend to actually fulfill those.
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You cannot heal until you realize that we're not negotiating with facts,
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we're negotiating with fiction.
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So stop demanding an explanation capable of making betrayal seem reasonable,
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because it was never reasonable. It's never logical.
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It never makes sense. Second, stop demanding an explanation capable of making
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your life feel better, because you may never receive one.
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And even if you receive an explanation, it probably won't satisfy you.
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And thirdly, protect your dignity, you know, because it's disrespectful so much when they cheat.
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You do not have to audition for the position you already held.
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So you have the right to walk away, and you have the right to walk away quickly.
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You don't need to convince someone to recognize your value. If they don't know
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your value, shame on them.
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Someone else will. It's no big deal, because you are valuable.
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So give yourself time before making the next step in your relationship, because.
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You will go through some pain. And loneliness can make bad candidates look surprisingly qualified.
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So let your judgment recover first. And then what happens without blaming yourself
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for everybody else's choices is that you're going to learn that it's not your fault.
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Were there warning signs you know? Probably.
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Were boundaries too flexible? Probably. Will they be better next time? Maybe.
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Did you repeatedly accept explanations that didn't make sense?
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Learn from those things.
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Take that as wisdom. Put up different boundaries this time, but don't rewrite
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somebody else's deception into your personal failure. And finally,
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do not allow betrayal to turn discernment into cynicism.
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Those are not the same thing. Discernment says, I trust slowly and watch carefully.
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Cynicism says, nobody can be trusted.
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Discernment protects you, but cynicism can imprison you. Your life hasn't ended
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with that relationship.
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One of the most dangerous thoughts after heartbreak later in life is that.
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That was probably my last chance. Nope. It was just one relationship. Maybe an important one.
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Maybe you healed a little bit from it. Maybe you learned some lessons from it.
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You might have believed it was going to be your last, but it's not.
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Because the person that deserves you is still out there.
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And that you deserve to have better. You might have loved that person very deeply.
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They may have been your one for a while. And you can acknowledge that.
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But I'm so happy that you found out. Because now you can move on.
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And you can acknowledge all of that without turning that person into the final
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chapter of your life. There are billions of people in this world.
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And if you're a lady, actually, it's easier to date than throw them in.
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Because most women have the upper hand.
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You haven't met everyone you're going to love yet. And perhaps even more importantly,
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if you stay open and you keep your heart open, you haven't even experienced
29:17
every version of yourself yet.
29:18
Heartbreak does change people, but the goal is to become wiser, not to become harder.
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More selective, more observant, more comfortable walking away when someone's
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behavior doesn't match their words, and more unwilling to sacrifice your peace
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simply because you don't want to be alone.
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I will say peace is a wonderful thing. And one thing I also notice is our body
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gives us signs when we think something's up.
29:41
We may have anxiety. We may have more stress. Or we may get angry easier.
29:47
Maybe it's because you knew something was up. Something they did automatically.
29:51
Body language or something may have triggered you and you didn't even realize it.
29:55
If somebody cheats on you, you don't have to spend the rest of your life trying
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to understand why they were willing to risk losing you. Sometimes the answer is painfully simple.
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They wanted what they had and they also wanted what they weren't supposed to
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have. That's about their decision making. That's about their choices.
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Your decision gets to come next.
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I want you to choose you because you're more important. Let that person with
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the poor values and the poor morals and the poor ethics and character go away.
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You get to decide what kind of behavior has access to your life and what kind
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of people elevate yourself. I have found people that cheat tend to be trashy.
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They tend to be low-quality, low-value people.
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You get to decide what kind of behavior has access to your life.
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You can decide what loyalty means to you.
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And I hope you get to decide new boundaries that you need to have in place so
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it doesn't happen again, but there's never a guarantee.
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You could decide whether betrayal becomes something that destroys your ability
30:46
to trust or something that teaches you to trust more intelligently.
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And I hope you do trust more intelligently because starting over later in life, it's not embarrassing.
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Walking away from someone that wasn't worthy of you, it's not a weakness,
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it's a strength. And discovering that someone wasn't who you believed they were
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doesn't make you foolish or love foolish.
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It just makes you open and trusting. And that's not a bad way to be.
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Shame on those people out there that are cheating i think after
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some of the cheating scenarios that have happened on the news this year that
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most people should have learned better getting highlighted and spotlighted from
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married couples at concerts people getting called out by their spouses political
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people getting humiliated after cheating
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but they don't learn once you've received this new
31:31
information you get to act accordingly and you get to choose if you decide to
31:35
go back to them just be aware that they may cheat again and it's going to be.
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An anxiety thing for you. It's going to be annoying to constantly have to understand
31:43
that they may be cheating on you while they're at work or when they're saying they're not around.
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Because sometimes the most powerful response to heartbreak is not revenge.
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It isn't exposing them for what they did. It's finding peace.
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And go back to you first is what I recommend.
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Because you don't need to find somebody new first. It doesn't matter. Go work on you.
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Have time for you. It's about building a life so fulfilling that eventually you realize something.
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You didn't lose your future. You didn't lose yourself. You lost someone that
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wasn't worthy of you. And you just simply stopped building in the wrong direction.
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Because if they were worthy of you, they never would have cheated.
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And that's the truth. You need a person that's as honest and open,
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loyal, with integrity as you are.
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And so the journey continues. And I wish you the best in your journey.
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I hope all the best blessings for you.
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This is Diva Mia. I hope you have a wonderful day. Take care and stay strong.
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Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment.
32:55
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