Latest / ScreenStrong Families / A Psychiatrist's Favorite Books About Screen Addiction with Dr. Adriana Stacey (#115)

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A Psychiatrist's Favorite Books About Screen Addiction with Dr. Adriana Stacey (#115) · ScreenStrong Families

• 0:07
  Melanie Hempe: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the ScreenStrong families podcast, bringing you the best solutions for parents who are serious about eliminating screen conflicts in their home. This is Melanie hempy. And I'm so glad that you are here today. I hope you're having a great day. It's the end of summer. Before we know what school is starting here, it's so crazy. But welcome, everyone. If you are a new friend, we are especially glad that you found us we hear lots of life changing stories from our community and from parents that jump on this podcast. And they start learning more and more and understanding more about screens and teens and what's happening with their kids. Just really ages little ages up to the big ages in our house. We have a lot of questions. And there are a lot of people out there that are really suffering with screen overuse in there. So today we have Dr. Stacy joining us again, welcome Dr. Stacey. Thank you for having me. We are so glad that you have been able to help us so much. Thank you so much for helping we've done just a lot of work with Dr. Stacey this summer. And we are so excited.
• 1:13
  Melanie Hempe: We'll chat a minute at the end about a few things that were brewing over here. It'll be really exciting news for everyone. But before we get started with our topic today, which I love, what we're going to do today, this is one of my favorite things to do is to go over books and recommendations for things that parents can read and use for more education because we all need more education. But before we get started, Dr. Stacy, I have to tell you, it was last week, I was out and about ran into a mom, who goes to our school. And I mean, I run into moms a lot that go to school, because I think we all do four out and around. And mostly in the grocery store. I think I run into people in the grocery store. Anyway, she told me that she was very excited that they had waited till eighth grade, her son is now going into ninth grade. But they'd waited till the end of eighth grade to give their son his smartphone. And she was like, so excited to tell me.
• 2:13
  Melanie Hempe: I'm like, wow, may not be the greatest decision. And she said, Oh, no, I, you don't understand, Melanie, my son is so much more mature than everyone in his class. So I I don't mean to chuckle at this, but just wanted you to make a comment about Why do parents think that their kids are so much more mature than anyone else in their class? And I'm not trying to really poke fun at this. It's sort of a blind spot, I think that we have as parents, but from your perspective as a psychiatrist, what? What is your thought on that? Why would this mom think that her son is so different from everyone else?
• 3:01
  Dr. Stacey: I think we all do. I think we all think our children are a better basketball player, or, you know, a smarter student or more more mature well beyond their years. And I think that we look at our children, you know, through through the lens that we see them, it's different than what reality is, of course, because they're, you know, sort of rose colored, I guess, for the most part. So I think it's important to remember that, you know, our children are unique in their own qualities. But in in general, teenagers brains follow a trajectory, right? So there's a development that happens in the human brain that follows a timeline. So there's, it's very unlikely that an eighth graders brain would be mature to the age of a 25 year old, right? So I think that we all sort of look at our kids through a different lens. Just you know, that's just nature you it's interesting, because last night, I was at my son, he's in the fourth grade and he's on a little football team. And last time we were at the game and I had a mom come up to me and say you know thank you so much for sharing all this about smartphones. You said my 11th grader is kind of the last woman standing without Instagram and she's on and on about how she needs Instagram and, and NAS set in this friend of mine said, you know, I said to my daughter, I shouldn't even have Instagram, give you Instagram. So I thought that was really good, you know?
• 4:37
  Dr. Stacey: And she said, You know, I deleted Facebook recently because I felt like it wasn't serving me and so I thought that was a good insight that I feel sometimes as well. You know, I shouldn't even have some of these social media platforms because you know, can waste your time. Not that they're all bad, but I thought that was an interesting
• 4:56
  Melanie Hempe: No, that's really interesting that she is Hanging in there and sounding very green strong. And, you know, the other thing that I think of all the time, and I think the reason why this eighth grade mom raising ninth grade boy and, and, you know, I think the reason why they think this is because there are some good things about it, right? There's good things about everything. I mean, you can always find something good about anything, even if it is bad. I mean, you know, not everything is just 100%, or very few things, I think are just 100% Horrible, even though I could think of some things right now that are but technology is certainly not one of those things, it's 100%.
• 5:36
  Melanie Hempe: Bad. And so this is where we get tripped up. And good job for this rising 10th grade mom that you were just talking about that, you know, she's able to see clearly because it is really hard to see. And it is very easy to think your child is the one who can handle it. But just like you said, No eighth grade, ninth grade, 14 year old brain is mature, is a 25 year old brain.
• 6:04
  Melanie Hempe: And you know, no matter what you do, you can speed that up, you can help with executive function skills, but you can't. It's like you can't force wisdom teeth to come in when your kid is 10.
• 6:17
  Melanie Hempe: Right? These are just developmental things that that happen. And I think we have endless love for our kids. And it's very hard to really believe that they'll lie to us, or that they'll make bad choices, you know, where we think, well, we've told them what to do. So sort of surely, they're not going to do the wrong thing. And they are and it's just really hard. I think one way for us to fix our blind spots, I guess you all have them, I have them, you have them, we all have them.
• 6:49
  Melanie Hempe: It's fascinating for me when I do more and more research on this on the psychology behind biases and blind spots, how strong they are, and how powerful they are. And so one thing that we can do, so we can be sure that we are balancing our bias is to educate ourselves. And so today we are going to dive into a few books that Dr. Stacy and I love. She's got three that she picked, I have three I picked, of course, we probably each have about 30 more that we could talk about for sure. And and we're both very avid readers, but reading books, good books. Now, there's not always good books, right? So you could spend a lot of time reading books that aren't so great. And I've done that. And so what we've done at ScreenStrong, is we've really, we've we've vetted and really figured out, you know, which books are really on the nose and really speak to this issue. And I mean, there's some that are good, everybody means well, but there's some they're just a little more scientifically based, I guess, than others. And so let's jump in, I want to hear it. Let's let's just start. And, again, I want everybody to know, this is not a conclusive list.
• 8:04
  Melanie Hempe: We're not concluding saying these are the top six best books, because there are so many. And we will take maybe six more in a few months, right. But for now, let's start with the first ones that came to our mind. So why don't you start with your first one?
• 8:23
  Dr. Stacey: Sure. So my the first one I want to recommend is disconnected how to reconnect our digitally distracted kids.
• 8:32
  Dr. Stacey: And this is about Thomas persisting. And Tom is a psychotherapist. And I love this book. One reason I love it for busy parents is that it's 92 pages. So it you know small enough you can carry in your purse, you could put it in your car, when you're sitting in carpool line. It's a great book to read. So it's divided into three parts. So the first part is the impact of electronic devices on our kids brain. So it's a really succinct sort of primer on what these devices do to our kids brains, which I love. And then the second part is technology's effect on social emotional and Family Growth.
• 9:12
  Dr. Stacey: Love that. So it talks about sort of how it affects kids in their day to day life. And then the third part is what you can do. So tips, techniques, solutions, I've actually done book clubs with parents on this book. And the reason I've chosen this one is because it is so succinct. And so you know, we're all so busy, sometimes it's hard. I love to read. So I read, you know, numerous books a week, but for a lot of parents, that's just not something they can do.
• 9:36
  Dr. Stacey: So I love this one. And I've got I've done book clubs and whole presentations just on this book.
• 9:43
  Dr. Stacey: Now it was written in 2016. So I'd love to have an update.
• 9:48
  Melanie Hempe: Well, he has an update. So I will I have both the one from 2016 and you're right I want you to talk about that one because if you can still find that one that was still really good and it's Short. That's the thing we really like about that, because parents can read it really quickly. And also, Tom, Christine is a friend of ours, and he has been on our podcast.
• 10:07
  Melanie Hempe: So if you're listening and want to just hear some of his philosophy, please jump on our podcast, and you can find his episode on there. But in 2020, he did come out with a new version, and it is still called this. Yeah, it is still called disconnected. And the tag is how to protect your kids from harmful effects of device dependency. This one is a little bit longer, but it still has exactly the same parts that you just talked about the the three parts, it has all the three parts, but it does have more current research in it. And he does have I love how in his section where he talks about what to do, he says, To delay through adolescence, and that's what we really believe to. So anyway, it's a little bit longer. It's 195 pages. So it's it is longer, he's done a little more research. And he's also coming out with a new book that it's not out it will be out next year. So it's not disconnected again. But it's a different one that he has. So we just love Tom Carson, because he is a very good communicator. He is a dad, he's in the school. He was in the school system for so long.
• 11:21
  Melanie Hempe: Working with kids every day.
• 11:25
  Dr. Stacey: I just I think parents would love this one because it's very easy to understand. Right? Have a highlighter handy for sure.
• 11:34
  Melanie Hempe: Yeah, it's very easy to understand. And you understand that he's not just a researcher up in ivory tower somewhere he is. He is in the weeds, boots on the ground every day with these kids. And that's what makes it so good, I think.
• 11:47
  Melanie Hempe: Yes,
• 11:48
  Dr. Stacey: I love that one.
• 11:48
  Dr. Stacey: Okay, so
• 11:50
  Melanie Hempe: the one that I picked up front that I love, love, love. Of course, we both love Victorian dunkel, please reset your child's brain. And we're not gonna talk about that one today, because we talk about that one a lot. But we will just say that that one is super, if you want to really get the deep dive into more of the science, right. But the one that I picked for parents to read is called breaking the trance. I love this book. It's by Giorgio Lin and Cynthia Johnson. And we've also had them on our podcast, so you can listen to them as well. Last year, we did have sort of book club we had some of these books on and we had the authors on, we're going to be picking that up again, with some of our new format that we're doing on our site coming up that we'll be talking about very soon about that. And we'll be picking up that concept of having a book club or having a book of the month. In that we're gonna do that again. But this one breaking the trance, a practical guide for parenting, the screen dependent child, this book is so fabulous, because it is kind of not as deep as Viktoria dunk Lee's book. But it's kind of like the first step that you want to read. And it actually goes into a lot of the science.
• 13:01
  Melanie Hempe: And it does it in a way that is super, super easy to understand.
• 13:05
  Melanie Hempe: We used and had them help us with our online course. So I love the way that they are able to take the science and really make it super easy to understand. They have a whole chapter this one's entitled brains a wash and adrenaline.
• 13:25
  Melanie Hempe: What overclocking the brain does to bodies, minds and nervous systems of screen dependent children like that chapter is so good. That Chapter Four the deepest wound interrupted identity development. We talk about this all the time about how it's not even the bad content that your kids are seeing or the time wasted. It is their identity development crisis that we're in, right.
• 13:47
  Melanie Hempe: They talk about that. They talk about the personalities of gamers. I haven't ever heard anybody do this before. That was fascinating to me, because you know, I raised a gamer, right?
• 13:57
  Melanie Hempe: So and then they have rules for schools, what you can do to make sure your child's school is part of the solution. Anyway, there are 12 chapters, each one of them is fabulous. There is not anything in this book that would say you could skip this. It's just really really good. I can't say enough good things about this book. Oh, the last thing says you are in charge. Love it.
• 14:19
  Melanie Hempe: That's the conclusion. Yeah. So it's breaking the trance. It is a very quick read. The print is bigger than normal, which I like for us moms who are in carpool line trying to read quickly, right? So I love love, love, love this book. So what's the next one that you have on your
• 14:39
  Dr. Stacey: Okay, so my next one I'm going to recommend is the teenage brain, a neuroscientist Survival Guide to raising adolescents and young adults.
• 14:46
  Dr. Stacey: And this is about Dr. Francis Hinson, which is spelled with a J, J and Sen. This one is a little bit more science heavy and not just about to analogy, but I think anyone that's got a preteen, you know, or teenager of any age, I think this is an amazing book. So it goes through how teenage brains are different from adult brains. It talks about learning sleep, why teenagers like to take risks, it goes into, you know, things like tobacco, alcohol, marijuana drugs, like how stress affects the teenage brain, it talks a little bit about mental illness, gender, sports, and then it also talks about, you know, the chapters, the digital invasion of the teenage brain, you know, as things are, this one is 2015.
• 15:46
  Dr. Stacey: So, of course, I'd love an update as well. But there's so many resources in this book. And it's not super long. It's, you know, it's an easy read. Yeah, and it's 300 pages, but a lot of it is diagrams, and there's lots of good anecdotes and stories in here. And the chapters aren't super long. So you can easily sit down at night and read a chapter a day. But I think the thing I love, you know, of course, I'm a psychiatrist, I went to medical school, and, you know, did a lot of neurology.
• 16:14
  Dr. Stacey: And so all of this for me is, you know, I've heard it before, but for someone who this sort of information is new for them, the way she writes, it is so understandable. And that's about it. Because I think that you could sit down and read this with no medical background, be able to understand what she's talking about. And I love to do reviews on this one for educators, so high school, teachers and counselors, because it really helps them to understand why teenagers act the way they do, why they do the things they do. And I think for any parent with a teenager, this is a must read Hollywood films.
• 16:53
  Dr. Stacey: No, you're
• 16:54
  Melanie Hempe: exactly right.
• 16:54
  Melanie Hempe: It's not specifically about screens, even though she does touch on this. And I actually spoke with Dr. Hanson, just a few weeks ago, actually, and she is actually starting to work on another book. So she's gonna have a lot of MRIs and functional MRI material. And I don't know, it was very, very fascinating talking with her.
• 17:13
  Melanie Hempe: And I'm trying to get her to jump in and help us with our new project that you're going to be helping us with to it ScreenStrong. But this is your right, this is a big picture sort of book about teenagers.
• 17:24
  Melanie Hempe: And if you have a child, please get this book or
• 17:31
  Dr. Stacey: theatres. If you're an educator, please reach out to us because I would love to talk with we love to talk with teachers and parents and even teenagers because this stuff that's in this book, it will really help you understand why your kids or your students do the things they
• 17:48
  Melanie Hempe: do. Yeah, it's a life. It's a life changer. This book. It's like a handbook about
• 17:53
  Dr. Stacey: teenagers. Yes, right. And I really recommend, yeah, and please
• 17:57
  Melanie Hempe: read it before your child becomes a teenager if at hand. You want to get the cheat sheet before it happens.
• 18:07
  Melanie Hempe: So this book will calm you down so much, it will just make you so calm, because you'll be like, Oh, I understand why they dyed their hair purple. Now I get it like it makes
• 18:19
  Dr. Stacey: your kid as well, I think they'll find it interesting, you know, claiming that this is why when, when you know, me and your dad or your teacher or whatever, have this experience, we do this. And this is why instead your brain goes, right? Yes, are
• 18:36
  Melanie Hempe: helpful. Yeah, you know, when I first opened this book, and I've been turning this book around for years, because when I do TV events and stuff always in back in the day before I had too many of these other books, I always had this one in my pocket, and I would always bring it and hold it up and say everybody read this book. And but when you first open it, there's a quote from Mark Twain, and this is when I fell in love with this book. The quote is, when I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years. I love that quote. And this book explains that explains why your child goes from thinking that they're the smartest kid and you know, the block to all of a sudden realizing that now Hey, Mom and Dad, you know, maybe you really are smarter than I thought you were. Right. So definitely, this is a good book club. All these are good for book clubs and for gathering your screen strong parents and having more discussions about it. The next one that I have is screen schooled. Just I grabbed this one because of the time of the year that we are in and this book is by Joe Clement and Matt miles. They also had been on our podcast so if you don't have time to read all these books, maybe you can at least listen To the podcast first to get going and before you read it, but if you ever wondered about what your kids were doing during the school day, their screens, wonder no more, you can read this book and find out exactly what they are doing, from the eyes of two teachers, to very seasoned teachers who got together to let parents know what was happening in the classroom, from the time that you drop your kids off at the carpool line, to the time that you pick them up. So some of their chapters include the myth of the technology enhanced super kid, I think that's like one of my favorite chapters in here.
• 20:43
  Melanie Hempe: Because we thought remember, we all thought that all this technology in the classroom was going to make our kids brilliant. And what is it done, it has lowered all of our standardized test results. And it's not making our kids brilliant. Anyway, it's 10 chapters, it's 211 pages, or a little bit longer. That's the page here at chapter 10. It just is such a fabulous read not only for teachers, but again, especially for teachers. But for parents who are trying to understand why their teenagers are anxious why this digital world is causing the anxiety, what you can do to reestablish support from home, how to revitalize social interaction by taking screens away, which is what we say all the time. Your kids don't really get social on a screen, they get more social when they're off of a screen.
• 21:34
  Melanie Hempe: And then he has, it's very interesting to have a whole chapter on that technology is widening, not closing the achievement gap. And so all the research and statistics and all of the studies that talk about what happens when lower income families get technology that these kids do worse, that we thought it was going to make everybody smarter, and it's not it's causing a lot of distraction and a lot of problems. But this screen schooled, is the tag on it says two veteran teachers expose how technology overuse is making our kids dumber. They're really on the nose like they don't beat around the bush with this book.
• 22:09
  Melanie Hempe: Love it. Love it. Love it. Yeah, I
• 22:13
  Dr. Stacey: love this view. And I think we're gonna see a lot more come out about this. I think there's a lot of educators that are seeing this in the classroom and are just like, we've got to turn the tables on this because with COVID, we didn't have any choice, right?
• 22:24
  Dr. Stacey: Everyone was at home, we're on these devices. And now I think the teachers are seeing the repercussions. I think this is a great book to start with, to kind of get yourself educated about what's going on and take the next step and really engage with your kids education team, and talk to them about how you don't want your kid on a screen.
• 22:44
  Dr. Stacey: So I love that.
• 22:46
  Melanie Hempe: And if you want to give a little gift to your teacher at the beginning of the year, grab a copy of this book, in fact, maybe order five or six paperbacks and just hand it to them. And you don't want to do this, you know, judgmental way.
• 22:57
  Melanie Hempe: But just say, you know, I read this book was really good, you may enjoy it, they will love
• 23:01
  Dr. Stacey: this. They will and I just checked on Amazon, it's for $10 right now. So yeah, go ahead and grab that and hand out some coffees, I think that the teachers would love it. Because you'll be hard pressed to find a teacher who doesn't agree with that, like, let's get these screens out of the classroom, right?
• 23:18
  Melanie Hempe: And you can say to them, Look, we're changing up what we're doing with the screens in our house, and they're gonna love you for that, by the way. And you can say we read this book, and we love it, we want you to have a copy. And again, you can do it in a way that is not saying you know, that's not ugly. You can just say, Look, we're all learning.
• 23:35
  Melanie Hempe: We're all on this learning curve. And we love this book, and we want you to have this copy. And when you're done with it, I always tell teachers when I give them books, I just say please pass it to another teacher when you're done. So I love doing that. So what is your next one? We have two more.
• 23:50
  Dr. Stacey: Okay, so my third one is hold on to your kids. Why parents need to matter more than peers by doctors Gordon Newfield, and Gabler monta I'm not sure if I'm saying that correctly. But yeah, this book is amazing. So, you know, the what we think is going on, or what we know is going on is that parents are letting their kids friends raise them, right. And so this book is about why we need to step up as parents and why we need to matter while we need to be the ones that are in charge. So part one is the phenomenon of peer orientation.
• 24:32
  Dr. Stacey: And it talks about why parents matter more. Why? You know why we've sort of swung in this direction of letting our kids peer sort of raise them in a way. And then part two is how peer orientation undermines parenting. So it talks about why children become disobedient the flatlining of culture and then part three is stuck in immaturity, how pure orientation stunts healthy development, so of course as a psychiatrist I love that section because it talks about the healthy brain development and how we can sort of prevent that by allowing, you know, this sort of up ended, peer raising. And then Part four is sort of the part four and five are kind of the solution parts, how to hold on to your kids, or how to reclaim them.
• 25:20
  Dr. Stacey: And then part five, preventing peer orientation. And then this, if you found the newer version, it has a part six, which is a postscript for the digital age, how to hold on kids in the era of the Internet, cell phones, video games, now, it is still a little bit older, I think it might be 16, or 17. You know, it takes a while to write a book and get it out there in production. So you know, and this is not specifically about smartphones or technology. But it's an amazing book. And when you read this, you will start to notice things in your parenting and in their interactions with their friends that you didn't notice before you read a book.
• 25:55
  Dr. Stacey: And it's so it's so good, it's a little bit heavier, you know, I mean, it's, there's just more information, and there's just a lot in the book. So it's one that you know, maybe it will take a little bit longer to read. But the chapters aren't super long. So I think you could do a chapter a day or two. And I think it will really change the way you look at how you parent for sure
• 26:17
  Melanie Hempe: it will and the collapse of parenting, we're not going to go over that whole book today. But that does dovetail a lot off of this book. So Leonard Sachs took a lot of that information. And he refers to it in the collapse of parenting as well. We have a lot of podcasts from Leonard Sachs too, as well.
• 26:34
  Melanie Hempe: But hold on to your kids is sort of the Bible when it comes to parent attachment and healthy parent attachment. I think that as a culture we have been so just bombarded by the media and by child's specialist out there to not be over controlling, like that's the big no, no. And so, as we try not to be over controlling we, we go the opposite direction, and let go too early. And that's really why
• 27:07
  Dr. Stacey: I love this on the back. This is what it says hold on to your kids explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence and demonstrates ways to reattach to sons and daughters, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, make kids feel safe and understood and earn back your children's loyalty and love. I love that I think that's what we're trying to do. And you know, there's this whole sort of epidemic of what we call helicopter parents, or lawnmower parents, and we're letting our kids peers raise them. And as a result, we are trying to erase any sort of hardship from them.
• 27:48
  Dr. Stacey: And this talks about how we need to be the hierarchy, we need to be the ones that are setting the stage for you know, how, how they do things. And you know, what the hierarchy in the home looks like? I love it.
• 28:04
  Melanie Hempe: Oh, yeah. And you know, it's so science based. And that's what I want everyone to just keep in mind when you're reading a book and you're choosing a book to read research the author a little bit because there's a lot of people out there that are, I was reading something the other day, and it was by she was saying that she was a media specialist or something. She was a real estate agent. I'm like, this isn't a media specialist. Be sure be sure in these books that we're talking about and giving you today really, the authors are experts, they really are they're not out selling cars, like they really understand what they're doing. Hold on to your kids. I think the title can throw you don't let the title throw you.
• 28:47
  Melanie Hempe: Even though after you read it, you totally get it and you totally understand it. But again, we're all kind of
• 28:51
  Dr. Stacey: jaded Melanie, this book was in my car, and my 12 year old was like, Oh, Mom, what is that? Yeah, you know, which I thought was. So I was explaining to her what the was about and she was so cute. She said, Mom, I love your parenting.
• 29:05
  Melanie Hempe: I was like, Oh, that's a cute thing to say. She saw
• 29:09
  Dr. Stacey: the title and she saw the title. What is that?
• 29:13
  Dr. Stacey: Like? Gross? Right, that these authors like? One is a psychologist like a clinical a PhD and the other one's a physician who's an expert on ADHD and mind body health. So in addiction so these off, I mean, this is gold,
• 29:28
  Melanie Hempe: the real deal.
• 29:28
  Melanie Hempe: Yeah, it really is. And the collapse of parenting also, you know, Dr. Stephen Sachs is an MD and a PhD. And so just be careful that you're really looking at the experts and that's what we're doing at ScreenStrong. We are bringing these experts to you even with Dr. Stacy and all of her wisdom and partnership with us. We are not about just finding more and more fluff out there and more opinions out there. We don't need any more opinions. We need to get down to the facts and do that in a way that Parents can understand because it can be confusing. So the last book that we're gonna talk about today, and we'll do this again, this has been really fun because both of us have like, bookcases full of books
• 30:12
  Dr. Stacey: you recommend, right?
• 30:14
  Melanie Hempe: We do we do. But the last one today, before we wrap up, I just want to share drumroll, the wire child, it's called Wired child, reclaiming childhood in the digital age by Richard freed, Richard freed is one of my all time long term friends in this space. And the reason why this book is so close to my heart, is because this is the first book Well, I went initially as a second but but it was the first book that I did in a book club, with the kids that parents of the kids that were in my boys age, so the wired child makes a great book club book and and all these do, but there's something about the wired child that's a little bit different the way he has the the way that Richard free has the chapter. So there's 10 chapters in here again, and it's just, they're just long enough to be perfect.
• 31:05
  Melanie Hempe: They have a lot of headlines in the chapters. I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's easy to read when you have a lot of headlines, and you can organize your thoughts because I know, I talked to busy moms all the time, and they're so scattered.
• 31:17
  Melanie Hempe: In some time, it really is hard to concentrate on a book. But Richard makes it really easy to concentrate. He also has a practice where he sees kids all day long. Plus he has his own kids. So he's drawing off of the science, he's drawing off of medical knowledge, not just oh, this is just what I think in my opinion. So the first chapter or build the strong family, your child needs this. This is he just nails it. He says Most parents believe that technology brings families closer. So why is the opposite true, and how to foster parent child bond. So he gets it right away. In the first chapter, he totally quotes a lot from hold on to your kids, by the way. In fact, Richards book was the first book where I learned about hold on to your kids in this whole concept of peers, raising peers, and parent attachment disorders. This was a life changer. And it was a life changer for our little group. In fact, those moms today, years later, we still talk about this book, we still talk about how that this book was the first time that we really understood how technology was stealing our kids, and how we had to get it back. And how we weren't gonna apologize for it anymore. He, he does it in very, very simple language. So hold on to your kids. That book is more like the Bible of the subject, right?
• 32:45
  Melanie Hempe: It's the big one, this one is probably a little more, it's a little bit shorter, and it's a little bit easier to understand.
• 32:52
  Melanie Hempe: The other thing that I really understood in this book was the idea how kids can hate school.
• 32:57
  Melanie Hempe: And I remember thinking, Oh, wow, that is so profound, because our kids shouldn't hate school, and how technology can make them hate school because they love their video games more than they love their school. And that really hit home for a how to nurture young children's brain development. Be the loving, strong guide your child needs. These are some of the other chapter titles. And his chapter number eight, about the pier oriented kids is called keep your kids close. Love it, love. I just love the title of that chapter. Keep your kids close. It doesn't mean that you smother them. You just keep them close, you have to because he says in the chapter, it says preteens and teens now typically shift their ties from parents to peers who are accessible 24/7 via tech. But the bond with parents is more important and must be kept strong. That is kind of the essence of ScreenStrong. We're trying to help people trying to help parents keep their kids close to them so they can build them up and be their coach and actually coach them and not let them go too soon. Because I think you would agree that that our kids, we lose our kids when they get too enamored with technology.
• 34:15
  Melanie Hempe: And I think that's why your practice is probably full the kids, teenagers, young adults, they've lost their way. They've lost their roots. They don't have that strong foundation. And why your child we've got Richard on our podcast, he's been on a number of times on our podcast, so you can listen he's he's a very good speaker on this topic.
• 34:34
  Melanie Hempe: And I think we've given y'all a bunch of ideas for books. So you've got a book to give your teachers you've got a couple to read for yourself. You got a couple for your book club. Any other words of encouragement about reading Dr. Stacy, I know that you are an avid reader. How do you find time to read you're such a busy life with four kids and the
• 34:55
  Dr. Stacey: practice because I'm not on my phone. No. I don't know It's just, I don't watch TV really, which is maybe weird for a lot of people, but I, you know, spent a lot of my days talking and listening and there's a lot of noise. So at the end of the day, I like to have some quiet time and read, but I've always been a big reader, my kids are big readers, you know, I mean, that's just, you know, I love to read. And I'm always at every time reading a fiction book and a nonfiction book. So I can kind of decide at the end of the day, what my brains ready for, but, and I think it's important to to, like, keep looking for new research and new things, you know, to read about on this topic, because, of course, this is all developing as we, you know, grow and learn. And then, and I think that if you, you know, if reading at night is hard for you, or you don't like to read a book, look for what's available on platforms like Audible, where you can listen to them in the car, or while you're going on your morning walk or whatever it is, because I think it's easy to get inundated with things that are for entertainment. But I think it's great to really try to keep growing our brains and our knowledge, especially when it comes to parenting and how to help our kids, you know how to be the healthiest adult they can be.
• 36:15
  Melanie Hempe: I love those tips. And I, I also read a ton and I have been reading for 10 years. So my kids have been little, you know, when the twins were little I was reading still a lot. And what I figured out was I could read a book a week in the way I would do it is I would just carry it with me in my purse and I all the little nooks and crannies of the day while you're waiting in line at the post office of the doctor's office or waiting in line at carpool did a lot of that, right. And my kids are driving now. So I don't do carpool anymore. But boy, I mean, I would get there 10 minutes early, and that 10 minutes, every day or twice a day, that's, that's pretty good.
• 36:55
  Dr. Stacey: You are listening and you haven't read any of these books, or some of them, go on your favorite bookseller, whatever that is, and buy all of them, put one in your purse, put one in your car, put one on your nightstand, you know, and then when you have a minute, you can, you know, just read a chapter.
• 37:12
  Dr. Stacey: And, you know, that's the good thing about books like these that aren't fiction, you know, I mean, you can read a little bit at a time, keep a highlighter handy and you know, make some notes. And you know, that's a lot better, I think, for your brain than pulling your phone out, which we're all you know, primed to do. If you look around a waiting room now to doctor's office, everyone's you know, on their phone, but just you know, a lot of these books are small enough that you could stack them away somewhere like in your purse or your backpack or in your car. And so then when you find yourself having a few minutes, I love that tip, then you can just read a chapter or like in the post office, who's ever been in the post office where you don't wait in line, right? You're always
• 37:49
  Melanie Hempe: waiting on, bring that in there with you
• 37:51
  Dr. Stacey: and that you love what you just said,
• 37:54
  Melanie Hempe: We got to trade the phone for the book. And so instead of pulling your phone out, you pull your book out, even if you only read one page, it's you're still that much further ahead. And it may sound like well, I can't concentrate.
• 38:05
  Melanie Hempe: Well, you can you really can.
• 38:05
  Melanie Hempe: And this sounds crazy. But just as we're talking, I remember and I don't do it so much now because I have more time to sit down now and read when my kids are doing their homework, by the way, when they practice their piano, I'm reading a book, when they're doing their homework, I'm reading a book, because we're very present while they're doing their homework. We sit where we can see them. We can see their computers, even now, even now I know some people think that's crazy. But I don't think it's crazy at all my kids appreciate it. And I'm with them, I'm present with them. And this is my homework, I have all these books to read. But one thing that I just remembered, I used to read when I was cooking, okay, I know that sounds crazy.
• 38:42
  Melanie Hempe: But if I'm like stirring a pot or in the kit, you know how from the you know, from four o'clock to six, you just live in the kitchen. So keep a book in the kitchen. because invariably, you're going to have to wait five minutes for something to heat up or, you know, you're making the recipe, I would have my book open. I'll never forget that. Because my kids would come in and say are you reading again? We're all
• 39:05
  Dr. Stacey: great. That's a great point you make is that then your kids will see you spending your time doing this.
• 39:12
  Dr. Stacey: Right? Yeah. So when you're, you know, wherever you are waiting, they're seeing you filling that time trying to do something positive, rather than scrolling Instagram or you know, of course at look on Instagram every now and then as well. You know, I mean, it's not I'm saying but you can make that your default to do that. And my husband actually rates on his iPad. And so for him, that's easier because it's smaller, and he can have a lot of books on there. So we don't of course want our kids doing that, but they're always kind of teasing him because like Oh, Dad's on his iPad all the time. Always telling them Oh, it's a book and then they you know, that's cute, but, you know, whatever makes it accessible. For you, of course, I think it's great to have the paper. But yeah, we're not.
• 40:04
  Melanie Hempe: I think right now you take one for the team and you, you ditch the iPad right now. Now your husband again, he's busy, and he's a doctor, and he's doing a lot, I get that. But when you're around your kids all day, the parent who gets more visible around, you know, y'all get get paper books and read. And the other thing that I recommend is, because all my books are completely dog eared, like every single page, so what I started getting are those little post it tabs, you know what I'm talking about? And then I can tab the page with a little colorful sticky note thing, and they make these things and I'm
• 40:35
  Dr. Stacey: not dog, your your pages. That is that is like, against the rules of rules.
• 40:42
  Melanie Hempe: I need to go to therapy because I dog, am I
• 40:46
  Dr. Stacey: right? No, I love to add, you have the tabs, I think that's great. And then you'd have something to come back and look at, to remind yourself of things out. I absolutely love that idea. You know, one time, my kids and I were looking for something to do on a on a Friday night. And we all went to Barnes and Noble. And they have a little cafe in there. You know, everybody got a book. And we went and sat down in the cafe and had a little snack and read.
• 41:11
  Dr. Stacey: And it was fun, because we could talk to each other about what we're reading and what book we chose. And so I think your kids seeing you reading is so great.
• 41:23
  Dr. Stacey: Yeah. And then they might have interest in Oh, what are you reading about? Like, oh, reset your child's brain? What's that about? And you can kind of talk to them about the things that you're reading,
• 41:33
  Melanie Hempe: oh, everybody in the family should talk at dinner about what they're reading. And that makes a really good conversation. We have this thing called Reading roundup that we did when the kids were little where we we all get our blankets, and I would make popcorn, and we'd go sit in the den, and it was our reading time. And then we could like you said either, you know, going to Barnes and Noble would be fine, too. But we just would do it at home. And we could talk about it that's really important to do that. Now I always have a pencil with me when I'm reading, I cannot read without a pencil because I have to underline I have to make notes. It's a weird thing. And the other thing that I do, when I find one of these books, like we talked about today, I actually take notes.
• 42:09
  Melanie Hempe: And so I have my own version of cliff notes for each of these books. So when I am writing blog posts, or doing podcast or actually doing the workshops that I do live, then I can quickly reference what page I found something on and share that with parents. But that's just my sort of obsessive way that I read. I have my pencils, so I can make little stars and underline things I don't know do you? Do you underline your books at all.
• 42:37
  Dr. Stacey: You know I do. And I, I use highlighters. And I write in the margins. And sometimes what I'll do mostly because I give talks and do book clubs is I'll do little PowerPoint outlines of certain books. So that if I'm meeting with the group, we can do sort of a review of the teenage brain or we can do a review of you know, disconnected or whatever.
• 43:02
  Dr. Stacey: And so I love to do that make little notes.
• 43:05
  Melanie Hempe: Yeah, that's really important for me to process it. So this has been so fun, we need to wrap up, I we could talk about this forever.
• 43:10
  Melanie Hempe: But reading and reading books that are good books, you know, not that you can't read for pleasure. And all that's good, too. But when you're dealing with something in your home, and you're trying to solve a problem, you've got to really dive in and read from you know, what the experts are saying. So the books that we talked about
• 43:27
  Dr. Stacey: one little comment not to interrupt, sorry to interrupt you, Melanie, but I just wanted to say that there are hundreds of books on this topic. And so please, if you're listening, go with the ones that are recommended, because there are a lot of books out there that don't give good information. And they can kind of draw you in, you know, with like, oh, well, this could be let's attack moderation vote, you know, but really, ones that we're recommending are vetted, like the people who wrote them are legitimately experts in their field and the information is helpful. So I think it's just important to really be able to get to into some of the books that are giving science,
• 44:09
  Melanie Hempe: right, and they need to be based on science, they really do need to be based in the research. And I know exactly, people say well, you make research, say anything, and you can and that's the problem.
• 44:17
  Melanie Hempe: And I probably read over 100 books about screens, and you probably have to, we do have a book recommendation list on our website. We have a lot of books on there. And then we have a lot of books that aren't on there.
• 44:29
  Melanie Hempe: And so if there's a book that you think could be on there, please let me know if I haven't read it already. I will. And I will look at it and Dr. Stacy will look at it. There are reasons why certain books are not on our site. For those other reasons that we talked about. If they're not vetted and based in the correct medical science we we question that and we don't want people to get too lost with all that. So today we talked about let's just go over the list disconnected with Tom kirsteen. The teenage Deep Brain by France's Yat Sen breaking the trance by Georgia LAN and Cynthia Johnson, the collapse of parenting, hold on to your kids screen school to the wired or it's called Wired child, not the wire, child wire child, grab those books, it's still a few more days till into summer.
• 45:21
  Melanie Hempe: Actually, once your kids get back in school, you have more time. If you are a working parent, you have time during your day at lunch to read a couple chapters in a book, instead of going through social media try to start converting your social media time, personally to paper book reading. The thing I love about the paper books is that you can have a highlighter, you can have a pencil, you can make notes, you can go back and read certain sentences to your spouse. This is what my husband loves. Right?
• 45:47
  Melanie Hempe: When I'm reading a good book, as a Yanni listen to this, and he's like, Oh, no, here comes another one. So if you don't underline, you can't do that. So we are so glad everyone joined us today. I hope this helps. Dr. Stacey, thank you so much.
• 46:05
  Dr. Stacey: Thanks for having me.
• 46:07
  Melanie Hempe: I think you've really encouraged us normally, we end on a note of encouragement. But I think this whole thing was an encouragement, I think that we just want to encourage everyone to start where you are right now, don't, don't get overwhelmed, you know, don't think you have to go read 100 things, just go find a couple things that sounded interesting today and pick those up. And I would say, get a good friend to read the book with you. So when you order a book, I have one friend, whenever she orders a book, she always orders two at a time. And sometimes she gives me one sometimes she gives one of her other friends when but she just wants to have a buddy to read it with. So get one for your teacher to get that screen school book for your teacher, when you're ordering books.
• 46:44
  Melanie Hempe: Listen to him on tape, if that's our audio, if that's what you need to do, that's better than nothing. You just sometime can't, you know, underline and keep up with that. But I hope that everyone enjoyed listening today, our parent course remember is available. And we do have recommended books after every lesson in the parent course is well start planning your small group schools get ready to start. This is a time of year when everybody's starting things. So start your group at school and create your little village at your own school to do a book club. And you can start with a course. And you can also start with one of these books, our course includes a 30 day detox, if you want to detox your kids from toxic screens, we're not talking about taking away all their screens, they need some stuff for school, but they certainly don't need social media, video games and pornography, which are the toxic screens that we work and help families to get rid of. We want you to join our community and get support from like minded families, you need to do this, you cannot do this alone. And I want y'all to stay tuned. This is so exciting. This fall, we have some wonderful news. And we have a new community that we're creating on our site. We are adding more interactive content for you and Dr. Stacy will be assisting with that interactive content. So it's going to be very, very exciting. Dr. Stacy, what do you have to say about this?
• 48:08
  Dr. Stacey: Oh, I'm so excited about what we have coming up. So everyone needs to stay tuned.
• 48:11
  Dr. Stacey: And you know, community is so important. And we are committed, of course at ScreenStrong to support everyone in raising healthy kids and raising healthy teenagers. And we hope that you'll continue to join us on this journey as we announce some new and exciting things that are coming up soon.
• 48:30
  Melanie Hempe: Thank you so much for helping us with this. Again, this is our effort to bring the best experts to you and the medical doctors out there that have spent years and years on the field and in the field. And in the research on this topic.
• 48:44
  Melanie Hempe: You can join our Facebook group to we do have a ScreenStrong families Facebook group, we will be changing and spending a lot more of our time on the new thing that we're working on that will be announced this fall. But if you get in the Facebook group, we will have announcements in there about when we make that transition. So what is your homework, go read some good books. So when you are done with a podcast today, jump on your internet and go order some books, share this podcast with some friends. And I'll always say five friends because I know if I say five, maybe you'll share it with two. But if you can share it with five friends, that would be awesome.
• 49:19
  Melanie Hempe: This podcast is really growing.
• 49:19
  Melanie Hempe: We have doubled our downloads actually in the last six months.
• 49:23
  Melanie Hempe: So we're very excited for all of the promotion that you are doing. It really does make a difference and it does change your life. And it's super easy for you to just promote the podcast. So we've got to get the word out. We can't do it without you. And this podcast is a perfect way to introduce someone to ScreenStrong and actually have them talk about joining your tribe and your village and your little group that you want because you need a group in order to just be successful with the ScreenStrong lifestyle. So remember, we've got your back and we are here to help you until next Time stand up for your kids stand out from the crowd and stay strong