Latest / The Comeback Career Podcast with Fexingo: Returning After a Gap, Stay-at-Home Re-Entry / The Quiet Quitting Trap For Returnees
Transcript
- Lucas: I have been thinking about this quiet quitting narrative lately, but from a completely different angle than most pundits. We usually hear it as young workers disengaging, but I think mid-career returnees are quietly quitting themselves before they even start. It is a self-imposed withdrawal driven by the fear that their skills are too rusty to command respect. Luna: That is a sharp distinction. You mean they are holding back not because they dislike the work, but because they are terrified of being exposed as outdated? Lucas: Exactly. Take Sarah, a marketing director who took four years off to care for an aging parent. She came back in January two thousand twenty six, joining a mid-sized tech firm. On paper, her experience was flawless. In practice, she spent the first month nodding along in meetings, afraid to speak up if her strategic ideas clashed with the younger team's agile workflows. Luna: So she stayed silent to avoid looking incompetent, which ironically made her look disengaged? Lucas: Precisely. Her manager started flagging her for performance reviews, citing lack of initiative. Sarah wasn't lazy; she was protecting herself. But the employer saw a worker checking out. This dynamic creates a feedback loop where the returnee withdraws further, and the manager assumes the worst. It is a tragedy of misaligned signals. Luna: It sounds like the returnee is trying to prove they belong, but the method they choose actually signals they don't. Lucas: Right. And the problem is compounded by the fact that many returnship programs focus heavily on technical upskilling—like learning new software—but ignore this behavioral aspect. They teach you Python, but they don't teach you how to assert your seniority when you feel like a novice again. Luna: So the soft skills gap isn't just about communication, it is about confidence calibration. How do we fix that calibration without sounding arrogant? Lucas: You calibrate by shifting from defense to contribution. Sarah eventually realized that her silence was being read as indifference. She started framing her suggestions not as corrections, but as additions based on historical context. Instead of saying the new process is wrong, she would say, in my previous role, we found that adding a step here reduces errors by ten percent. Luna: That is subtle but effective. It leverages past authority without dismissing current methods. Lucas: Yes. It anchors your experience in data rather than ego. The key is to provide evidence that bridges the gap between your old expertise and the new environment. When you do that, you stop looking like a ghost in the machine and start looking like a seasoned advisor. Luna: But what if the company culture is so rigid that any deviation from their playbook is punished? Does Sarah's strategy still work there? Lucas: In toxic cultures, no strategy works perfectly. But even there, providing small, undeniable wins builds a safety net. If you deliver consistent results, your manager has less room to label you as disengaged. It forces them to confront the reality of your output rather than the assumption of your attitude. Luna: So the goal is to make it expensive for them to fire you or sideline you because you are proving your worth daily. Lucas: Exactly. You raise the cost of assuming you are failing. It is a pragmatic approach to rebuilding trust. Now, I want to pause here for a moment because this conversation touches on something fundamental about how we support each other in our careers. Luna: What do you have in mind? Lucas: If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, consider supporting the show directly. Listener contributions allow us to keep these episodes ad-free and continue digging into these nuanced topics. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It really helps sustain the work. Luna: Yeah, and it keeps the signal to noise ratio high for all of us listening. Thanks for considering it. Lucas: Back to Sarah. Once she shifted her communication style, her manager's perception changed rapidly. Within six weeks, she was invited to lead a cross-functional project. The manager admitted he had initially written her off as passive, but her proactive framing of problems changed his view entirely. Luna: It proves that perception is malleable if you control the narrative of your competence. Lucas: Absolutely. But it requires intentionality. Most returnees wait for permission to speak up. They need to realize that their voice is part of the value proposition. Silence is not neutral; it is interpreted as absence. Luna: So the lesson is to be visibly present in your contributions, even if you feel internally insecure. Lucas: Yes. Action breeds confidence, but only if the action is visible. Hiding your good work defeats the purpose. You have to let people see the bridge you are building between your past and present. Luna: Does this apply to remote work as well? It seems harder to be visibly present when you are behind a screen. Lucas: It is actually more critical in remote settings. In an office, your physical presence can mask some hesitation. Online, if you are not typing or speaking, you are invisible. Returnees need to over-communicate their thought process, not just their output. Share drafts, ask clarifying questions, document decisions. Luna: So visibility becomes a metric of engagement that you have to actively manage. Lucas: Correct. Treat your digital footprint as your resume. Every message, every comment, every shared document is a vote of confidence in your continued relevance. Make sure those votes count. Luna: That is a powerful way to frame it. Your digital footprint is your active portfolio. Lucas: Exactly. And it resets quickly. One bad week of silence doesn't ruin you, but a pattern does. Consistency is the antidote to the rust stigma. Luna: What about the initial onboarding period? That is usually where the fear is highest. How do returnees navigate those first thirty days without burning out? Lucas: They need to set boundaries around learning. It is easy to overcommit to training sessions to prove you are trying hard. But that leads to fatigue. Focus on mastering the core functions first, then expand outward. Quality of engagement matters more than quantity of participation. Luna: So prioritize depth over breadth in the beginning. Lucas: Right. Show you can handle the essentials flawlessly, then demonstrate your broader expertise. It is a safer path to establishing credibility. Luna: And it prevents you from spreading yourself too thin while trying to impress everyone. Lucas: Exactly. Impressing everyone is impossible. Impress your direct manager by delivering reliable results, and the rest will follow. Trust is built on consistency, not spectacle. Luna: Do you think companies are doing enough to help returnees overcome this psychological barrier? Lucas: Mostly no. They focus on logistics—benefits, access, tools. Few address the emotional labor of re-entry. Managers need training on how to interpret silence versus disengagement. HR needs to create safe spaces for returnees to voice their insecurities without judgment. Luna: It should be part of the onboarding script, not an afterthought. Lucas: Agreed. Until then, returnees have to advocate for themselves. It is unfair, but it is the reality. You cannot wait for the system to hand you confidence. You have to build it through deliberate actions. Luna: So the burden of proof is still largely on the individual, despite systemic biases. Lucas: For now, yes. But as more mid-career professionals return, organizations will have to adapt. The talent shortage means they cannot afford to lose experienced workers due to cultural mismatches. Luna: Market forces might finally push for better support structures. Lucas: Hopefully. In the meantime, the advice remains clear: speak up, anchor your ideas in data, and maintain visible consistency. Don't let fear dictate your silence. Luna: Because silence is the one thing that guarantees you will be misunderstood. Lucas: Precisely. Be loud in your competence, even if you are quiet in your demeanor. Let your work do the talking, but make sure it speaks clearly. Luna: A final thought for listeners: next time you feel the urge to stay back in a meeting, ask yourself if you are hiding or just listening carefully. Lucas: And if you are hiding, take one small step forward. Just one. It breaks the cycle.