Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / Autism Birthday Party (How Autistic Children Feel)

Transcript

Autism Birthday Party (How Autistic Children Feel) · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

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  Hey, in this video I'm going to teach you about Waters and
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  birthday parties and how as an autistic person they felt as a
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  child. All that's coming up.
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  Hey guys, welcome back to the aspy world.
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  My name is Dan, I have autism, ADHD, OCD and dyslexia and I
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  make weekly videos on this type of content.
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  So if you're new around here and you'd like to learn more,
• 0:26
  remember to hit that subscribe button by clicking the
• 0:28
  notification bell so you get notified when I upload videos.
• 0:31
  Also, everyone watching over on Facebook, we should give this
• 0:33
  page a like and a follow to see daily uploads from me.
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  In this video guys, I'm going to be talking about specific
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  parties that I've attended that were given to me as an autistic
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  child from a young age, and explaining those from my
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  perspective to you, which is something that I've never really
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  seen anyone talk about before on YouTube, which is pretty cool.
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  So if you keep watching to the end of the video, you should
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  have a nice broad overview of exactly how to move on and
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  structure parties in a good way, but also understand how it feels
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  to be an autistic person attending a children's birthday
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  party. Let me know if you are a parent
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  planning a party, or if you're an older person who is wanting
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  to make a birthday party for yourself and you're on the
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  spectrum, or your parent or kid on the spectrum and you want to
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  know the best thing. Let me know, are you someone
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  who's putting a party on for yourself or somebody who is
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  putting a party on for a child? I'd love to know.
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  Please print the comment section down below.
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  I read and respond to every single comment.
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  Let's go guys. It's been a hot minute.
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  Oh man, it's so good to be making videos every single day.
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  Also, this is a Tamagotchi. I'm actually doing this thing
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  where I'm trying to keep a Tamagotchi alive now for as long
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  as I can. I actually have a Tamagotchi
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  obsession. And if you guys know anything
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  about people on the spectrum, you know that autistic people
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  have obsessions. My obsession right now.
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  Tamagotchis. Right, guys.
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  So I wanted to kind of do this video and I've been thinking
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  about it for a while because I I saw this photo with me as a kid
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  in a birthday party and it was my birthday party.
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  And I'm, I'm like screaming at the birthday cake with the
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  candles in it. And you know, my, my friends
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  sometimes tag me in Facebook on this and say like, oh, you know,
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  this is Dan, how enjoying birthday parties, blah, blah,
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  blah. But there's a real kind of issue
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  behind that. You know, autism birthday
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  parties are the same as having, you know, neurotypical kids.
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  Birthday parties. Yes.
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  The principle is the same where you, you know, put out some
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  food, invite a little kids, put on some music, some games and
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  some presents. That's pretty much a party for a
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  kid. You know, between the ages of
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  like, I don't know what like 3 and like 6 or 7 or 8 even.
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  You know, typically how parties go.
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  And when you get older you do different things.
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  You know you might want to go, I don't know, skateboarding with
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  your friends on your birthday look, I don't know, but I'm
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  talking about autism, birthday party requirements issues and
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  all the things encompass. Now that picture was
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  specifically interesting and impactful.
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  Actually use it as a thumbnail in this video, but obviously
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  I'll put it on here and the screen time so you guys can see
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  it anyway. But the thing about that picture
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  was that it's me and how I felt and it like encapsulated how I
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  felt at that moment in time. And so this is for me, this is
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  what always happened. My parents should rent out a
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  hole. And I was kind of lucky because
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  right next door to my house was like a Community Center.
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  So my parents should rent out Community Center.
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  They'd fill it with balloons. I have a balloon phobia by the
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  way. If anybody doesn't know, here I
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  actually have a balloon phobia and phobia or the dark as well,
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  which is kind of like that's just me.
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  And so the balloon phobia thing is super interesting is because
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  I'm scared of the uncertainty of the balloon, like is it going to
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  pop, is it not? You know, it feels weird and the
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  tension, it's all weird. Anyway, still preparing to fill
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  the hole with balloons, They'd create a bunch of food that I
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  didn't even like, like cheese sandwiches, like cheese onion
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  sandwiches, egg mayonnaise sandwiches.
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  I didn't like any of these things.
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  And then they would just fill it with loads of food, like typical
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  generic party foods, and then invite a little kid round and
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  then blast loads of music. It's a nightmare.
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  So I so I'd go in and this is this is the thing.
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  I got my house and I'd be excited because it was something
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  going on for me, you know, I was like, wow, there's some of my
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  parents is doing something for me.
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  But when I go in there to the room, I didn't actually like
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  being around. It was too many kids.
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  It was too noisy. And every kid wanted a piece of
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  you on your birthday, everyone to be like, oh, happy birthday,
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  here's a present, here's XY and Z, whatever.
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  And they'd always want to come and talk to you.
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  And I thought that was like, super overwhelming.
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  Like everybody wanted to talk to me.
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  I was like, you know, like hot in the color, like, Oh my
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  goodness, you know, leave me alone.
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  Give me some space and then you've got to like join in in
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  games. Like, I absolutely despised
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  playing games like musical chairs and things because I knew
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  I was always going to be left out.
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  I'm not very good at playing those kind of games where you
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  have to, you know, listen to instruction and start.
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  Those games were no good for me. I'm like, typically in in kids
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  birthday parties, you'd have games like, you know, musical
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  chairs you have to like, spin around and the music stops and
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  then you'll sit down and and then they take a chair away and
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  then and then each time obviously there's less chairs,
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  so more people and the persons standing up obviously lose out
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  on the game and then they're out.
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  And yeah, it's just it's the weirdest game ever.
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  And that that whole used to give me super anxiety because I knew
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  that like, there's a potential. I didn't.
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  I just wanted it to be fun and just like calm, but it was just
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  like, oh you know, Oh my goodness, I've got to try and
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  sit on this chair before the music stops.
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  It was just horrible. The same with like, pass the
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  parcel where they'd wrap a gift that anybody could have and
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  they'd stop the music and then the person who had it could
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  unwrap it and then he'd pass it on.
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  And there's a bunch loads of layers of wrapping paper.
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  But again, the uncertainty of if I get the gift, if somebody also
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  have it, then I feel awkward. If I had it, it's just
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  horrendous. And so then another one is that.
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  And they'd light the cake with candles and they turn out all
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  the lights to make the candles go because it's been the middle
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  of the day, you know, and my birthday's in July is not July
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  15th, so it's right in the middle of the summer.
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  It'd be bright everywhere. So they'd have to close all the
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  curtains, turn the lights off. And that kind of scared me.
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  I didn't like having the lights off.
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  I didn't like having a room dimly lit.
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  And then all these people singing at you and the focus was
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  on you, and that was super triggering and super
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  overwhelming. And then, you know, you then
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  you're forced to kind of like you have to blow the candle out.
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  And then you have to sit down. You have to like you know all
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  the rubbish that comes with it. So a lot of the time what I used
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  to do is I'd used to just, I'd be so upset because I'd I'd be
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  excited that I wanted to have this party or this thing for me
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  for my birthday, to celebrate my birthday.
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  I was excited to do that. But then obviously I wasn't
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  excited about a bit that were that were completely outside of
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  like my my league of of wanting to do.
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  And my parents kind of, I don't think they could understand it.
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  You know, they they they didn't really get it, which is a shame
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  really because they tried, but they were trying from they
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  weren't looking at it. For instance, like I didn't get
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  my diagnosis until I was 26 years old.
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  So when I was a kid they took into all kinds of doctors and
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  different types of medical professionals and they couldn't
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  really get any, you know, answers.
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  So that my parents just kind of left it so, but they didn't
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  really take on board anything to do with autism because there was
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  rarely anything around at that time.
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  It was like information was scarce and they couldn't do
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  anything about it. So I used to end up kind of just
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  running home because my house was right next door to the
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  center. So I just run home because my my
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  house would be open because we wasn't just next door, you know,
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  There was no crazy kind of distance.
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  So I'd jump over the wall, go home and just sit on the on the
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  sofa and and a lot of the time I'd cry and get really upset and
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  then I'd be super triggered and I'd just be exhausted at the end
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  of it. I'd just be like, oh, I just
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  kind of call collapse because it was just so overwhelming and I
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  just, I just didn't have a fun time.
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  My parents kind of got used to this after about four or five of
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  these parties. They just kind of pulled the
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  plugs. They said, you know, Dan's not
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  enjoying it. He doesn't really like it and
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  that was fine. I remember one time though they
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  and it got it was the worst one I think was when I was it cost
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  like 7 or 8 and my parents did like a party in the house which
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  was crazy. You know, kids all in the house.
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  You know everyone's done that. You have a birthday party in the
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  house, you know, less kids and and that still didn't work.
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  And I was so exhausted and upset with that, my mum said to me, Oh
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  well, why don't we go to the the shop and you know the toy store
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  and then we can spend your birthday money on any toys
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  because I got a bunch of money from kids who didn't want to
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  bring presents. Each want to give money, which
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  was fine. And so that was kind of fun,
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  like because my mum realized that I was upset at the time.
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  She took me out to the store and I was able to kind of like go
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  around the store and and buy stuff.
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  And I remember actually specifically this birthday and I
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  was buying a bunch of Beetlejuice action figures from
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  the movie Beetlejuice. Right.
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  And then and I was putting these action figures in the troll.
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  And I'm obsessed. Action figures.
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  I still, I'm still collecting action figures.
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  Love it. And a friend of mine's
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  grandmother stuff and was like, oh, wow, you know, you got a lot
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  of toys in that car. And my mum was like, yeah, you
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  know, it's his birthday and he kind of wants to chill out.
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  And we took him down his money on some toys that you really
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  wanted. And I was in the dilemma, 'cause
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  I had like a certain amount of money I could buy like these
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  four or five action figures. But there was like there was one
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  more to the set, which I couldn't get, and I didn't have
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  enough money. So my friend Caleb, who's one of
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  my best friends, his grandmother, actually gave me
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  the money that I needed to get this last action figure as a
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  gift for me. And it was really nice of her.
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  And I always remember that, and it was really nice.
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  So Brenda, her name is, and yeah, she's a lovely woman.
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  So that was really, really interesting that that all
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  happened. But moving forward, how can my
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  parents do better? Straight up understand sensory
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  needs of autistic children? If noise and sounds are trigger
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  doing for you, reduce the noise. Reduce the amount of children
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  you invite over. Maybe only a select few.
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  Maybe a handful, like four or five kids.
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  Not like 20 kids. You know, like typically parties
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  are. Reduce the noise level.
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  Make sure that everyone is kind of having a nice tame time
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  because kids like to get overexcited in birthday parties.
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  But if you know the rules before attending something like that,
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  the parents could probably prep them.
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  And the kind of games that you would put on would be more
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  pleasing to just like hang out. Like maybe it would be watching
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  a movie on a screen or something, or maybe it would be
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  playing with like a sensory corner, Maybe make a sensory
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  corner for the kids. That would be super, super cool.
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  But in terms of having loud music and forcing kids to run
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  around in circles to kind of jump on a chair and like filling
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  them with sugar, maybe we could think about different ways and
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  different things that we could do in those situations so that
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  it's not dependent on like high, high caffeine content, high
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  sugar content, high processed food content.
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  Maybe we could do something a bit more nice, like have some
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  more fruits and vegetables on the table so the kids don't get
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  too hyperactive and cause triggering for the people on the
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  autism spectrum. And also, maybe we just try like
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  juices rather than caffeinated drinks.
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  I don't know if it was just a British thing that everyone had
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  like cola and lemonade that had like caffeine in them over here
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  in the UK. And then keep the musical a nice
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  level. If you put music on, make sure
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  it's not kind of like crazy blasting.
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  Music is going to get one excited and hyped.
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  And know the triggers. If your kid doesn't like
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  balloons, don't fill the room of balloons.
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  What on earth my parents thinking, If your kid doesn't
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  like onions or cheese, don't offer cheese and any sandwiches.
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  You know, like because it's their birthday party at the end
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  of the day. Make it as accommodating for
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  them as possible. Because what's the point of
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  having a party if they're not able to attend it if it's for
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  them, right? And so simple things like that
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  will change the whole dynamic. Also limit the amount of time
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  that the party is on for. Why not just give it like an
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  hour rather than like 2 hours? Or give it like half an hour,
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  You know, small spurts of it and do something and this is going
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  to be key. So kind of like how I learned
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  with my mum after the last party, which was just terrible,
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  is do something before that's super relaxing.
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  Like for me it was playing the Nintendo.
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  I used to love Super Mario Brothers Three.
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  I used to play it all the time. So I played the Nintendo all the
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  time. So we finally played my Nintendo
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  in the morning of the party rather than get ready and be
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  forced to do kind of like ridiculous things like wear
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  jeans and stuff, which I didn't really do as a kid because I had
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  this phobia of jeans, kind of like AI thought phobia, but just
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  didn't feel right. I just felt it was horrible like
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  that. It was like a century thing.
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  Anyway, so played Mario in the morning where wherever I wanted
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  to to my party, go to the party and then after the party go do
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  something else, like maybe an activity I like.
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  I used to like Lego or building things.
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  So I, you know, if I was to do that kind of like going shopping
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  for action figures, that's a cool, relaxing process because
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  I'm really into it. I want to, you know,
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  categorically look at the figures and get its collection.
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  So that was kind of cool. So I always think about what you
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  could do before and after the party, if you are wanting to put
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  on a party, but you also want to make it as cool and less
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  stressful for your kid. Super, super awesome.
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  And this goes adults as well. Like this.
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  This transposes forever. I'm just giving an example of
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  kids parties because typically parents are going to be wanting
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  to know more about parties for kids on the spectrum, trying to
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  figure out what's the best thing to do in my opinion.
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  Those tips I just give you a golden If you follow those
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  rules, listen to your kid, find out what triggers that they
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  have. Don't turn the lights off for
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  goodness sake, just leave the lights on, do the birthday cake.
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  It's fine. Because small things that you
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  may not realize have huge impact on somebody, sensory processing
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  issue. And also the way that they
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  experience the world just from being somewhere where there
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  could be a lot of noise in children and smiles and there's
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  a lot of things to go in, right. So there's no wonder that I had
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  a 10 of meltdowns growing up and doing those kind of birthday
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  parties. But that being said, their
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  parents aren't evil people. They just didn't understand and
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  I guess they weren't really that way thought inclined to go and
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  seek more. You know, I don't know different
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  ways of thinking. But anyway, I'm not slating my
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  parents. I'm just saying how they did it
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  one way and what I can take away from that is to how to change
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  things. So that being said guys, if you
• 12:57
  found this video valuable for anybody, please share it on
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  Facebook and Twitter. And also guys if you are new
• 13:03
  around here, please hit that subscriber button and check out
• 13:07
  my next video. It's around here somewhere.
• 13:09
  All right, guys. I'll see you next time.