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We Were Dancing Naked on Tables Before We Finally Found Recovery · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  How's your life working out for you?
• 0:02
  Because if you're happy, like I say to people, what do you if,
• 0:05
  if it's working, what are you doing here?
• 0:08
  Yeah, like what's? Working.
• 0:09
  Why are, why are you here? Why are you asking?
• 0:11
  Because they're coming to me for something or, or like you said,
• 0:15
  I mean your recoveries, your, your podcast's recovering a lot.
• 0:17
  So why are you in a room or why are you in a situation where you
• 0:20
  need recovery? I don't care where it is, if
• 0:22
  it's with a therapist, if it's with a doctor in a rehab, in a
• 0:25
  in a resort in Costa Rica, why are you here?
• 0:27
  Like think of the word recover even.
• 0:29
  Yeah, like so why are that's? What?
• 0:30
  Why are you are you seeking? Something in your life is not
• 0:34
  working, and Jess and I have a wonderful way of doing this with
• 0:37
  people. We have a program that my mentor
• 0:41
  gave us and it's a checklist and you just check off all the
• 0:45
  things. Did your husband work for you?
• 0:48
  No. Did having that new baby work
• 0:50
  for you to getting your Did you get that pocket dog work to
• 0:53
  getting your new car to getting the money?
• 0:55
  How about the? Foreign group job.
• 0:57
  Yeah, did Did getting every. Then why are you here?
• 1:00
  If none of this worked, then why are you here?
• 1:03
  Then you're here because you need a new way of living.
• 1:05
  So I'm not gonna convince you. I'm gonna just show you or tell
• 1:09
  you that if you need me. I'm.
• 1:11
  Well, I'm 52. I'm retired.
• 1:12
  I'm Naked in my hot tub that my mom got me.
• 1:14
  OK, so this is how I roll with people.
• 1:16
  Because if it could happen for me, why can't it happen for you?
• 1:19
  I'm not higher education. I went to the school of Hard
• 1:22
  Knocks. PhD, Brass Rail.
• 1:23
  There you go. No big deal.
• 1:26
  So if you want it, you. It's for anybody.
• 1:29
  It's for anybody and everybody. And, and, and the like, the
• 1:55
  human experience, like what? Why are you on Earth?
• 1:58
  What are you doing here? Why are you on the planet Earth?
• 2:01
  That's a deep question. Let me start with first though.
• 2:03
  You said spiritual experience. What is that?
• 2:05
  I know this is a big question, but what does that mean to you?
• 2:07
  A spiritual experience. Spiritual experience means that
• 2:16
  you're experiencing things spiritually.
• 2:22
  You are experiencing things in the spirit, not in the world,
• 2:28
  not in the 3D. It's something as an experience.
• 2:32
  You're having an experience. What is an experience?
• 2:35
  It's a lesson, right? It's a lesson, isn't it?
• 2:40
  Is that what experience is? It's a it's a lesson.
• 2:43
  It's a teaching through spirit eyes, not human eyes.
• 2:48
  Right, so I can't tell you how to ride a bike.
• 2:53
  I can't show you how to ride a bike.
• 2:54
  You have to get on the bike and start riding it yourself in
• 2:57
  order to learn how to do that. I.
• 2:59
  Heard that today on a podcast actually.
• 3:00
  It's so interesting that you just said that you can't tell
• 3:04
  you how to ride a bike, right? You have to experience it for
• 3:07
  yourself and it goes back to experience like you said.
• 3:10
  Why are we on this earth? I was put here to carry a
• 3:17
  message. I was put here to carry a
• 3:19
  message. I was born what we call an
• 3:21
  addict, right? And I can't see your face.
• 3:31
  Hi. And I had to go through many,
• 3:34
  many painful experiences in order to share how God got me
• 3:40
  through those painful experiences, not just through,
• 3:43
  but with grace. So that's why I'm here to carry
• 3:47
  that message. I I thought I came to steal your
• 3:51
  husband, lady, to make sure that everyone worshipped me.
• 3:55
  I thought I was here for, well, I don't even know what a Bugatti
• 3:58
  is, but for the nice car, for the big house.
• 4:02
  I thought I was here for really tight tits and to make you
• 4:05
  worship me. And then I had what we just
• 4:08
  talked about, a spiritual experience awakening.
• 4:12
  And then I realized the only reason I'm on planet Earth is to
• 4:16
  help, to be a servant. I'm a servant.
• 4:20
  That's who I am. It's like I why?
• 4:22
  Like why am I here on Earth? I thought I was here to be the
• 4:24
  CEOI thought I was here to be the boss lady.
• 4:28
  I was wondering where my private jet was when I was like 5 years
• 4:31
  old waiting for the bus with my mom.
• 4:34
  I was like why are we at the bus stop?
• 4:37
  Where is my helicopter? So I don't know where that
• 4:41
  program. Is so I was gonna ask, where
• 4:42
  does that come from? Yeah.
• 4:45
  Media. Yeah, right.
• 4:47
  Music, Television. Television.
• 4:51
  Tell lies to your vision or where does that programming come
• 4:56
  from now that I'm remembering who I am?
• 4:59
  See, I forgot who I was because I was.
• 5:02
  What we'll call in our programming is blotting out the
• 5:05
  consciousness of my existence with whatever I So for the
• 5:08
  layman it's called putting weird things in my God shaped hole,
• 5:12
  including your husband's penis. I mean, it gets real weird for
• 5:14
  me and I don't do that anymore. You don't have to hold your
• 5:17
  people tight because I've recovered from.
• 5:20
  Your husband's hand tighter. Don't hold your husband's hand
• 5:22
  tighter. I'm OK, but I think that
• 5:26
  programming comes from remembering who I am too.
• 5:31
  See, I This is not my first journey on earth.
• 5:33
  Are you crazy? I've been here many times, but
• 5:35
  when I come through the birth canal, there's this magic thing
• 5:38
  that we forget. And I think the object of the
• 5:41
  game is to remember who you are. You know, you and I are in a
• 5:46
  program. We're all in a program here that
• 5:47
  says remember always that your sex powers are God-given.
• 5:53
  Remember, you tapped power. Right.
• 5:55
  It also tells us to smash our ego.
• 5:58
  So in order to see and experience things spiritually,
• 6:03
  as my friend mentioned, my ego has to be completely dissolved
• 6:07
  because I was a spirit and I was a baby after I came to that
• 6:12
  birth canal. And as a baby, I did not have
• 6:15
  any ego and I was sane. I was sane and I, I was pure
• 6:19
  love. And something happened that
• 6:21
  blocked me from love and jealousy got in the picture and
• 6:25
  wanting other people's things and husbands and homes and, and
• 6:30
  wanting other people's experiences, you know, wanting
• 6:33
  to do what they're doing, not being comfortable with what I'm
• 6:35
  doing. I'm restless over here.
• 6:37
  I'm here, I want to be there, right?
• 6:38
  I'm bored, restless, irritable, discontented.
• 6:44
  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think, yeah.
• 6:46
  I mean, it's, it's, it's this sort of like it makes me think
• 6:50
  about like attachment to things, right.
• 6:51
  Where where we learn that, I mean, at least I learn at a
• 6:54
  young age that, you know, this makes me a better person, right?
• 6:57
  Having the newest one and it's mine, right?
• 7:00
  Like it's this is mine. It happens with toys.
• 7:02
  I'm pointing my phone by the way for people that aren't watching.
• 7:05
  It's funny that you say that because my friend's niece, she's
• 7:09
  like 3 years old and on Christmas I remember looking at
• 7:13
  my best friend we she was going everything.
• 7:16
  She opened my book, my purse, my toy, my my my.
• 7:20
  And as I mentioned, we were babies without egos.
• 7:23
  But around 3 years old or whenever it happens, it happens,
• 7:27
  the ego just starts to intact. Well, I think the first
• 7:30
  programming for everybody or first addiction is love, because
• 7:34
  that's the only energy that there is, is love.
• 7:37
  That's the only energy that there.
• 7:39
  Is. And so that's the first
• 7:41
  addiction. I always, you know, I, I mentor
• 7:43
  a lot of people. And so I always, you know, like
• 7:46
  you're, you're not, you don't have this problem, that problem,
• 7:50
  you have a love problem, lack of love, lack of self love, lack of
• 7:54
  giving love, lack of love for selling.
• 7:56
  It goes deep. It's all about love.
• 7:58
  And then you start to start to love other things, like alcohol,
• 8:03
  like men, like money. Drugs.
• 8:06
  You know, like body image, all these different things we start
• 8:09
  to worship. And so I think the first, the
• 8:12
  very first addiction or the very first thing for everybody who
• 8:16
  comes out of womb is, is love because we get distracted, isn't
• 8:21
  it? Mom and dad get distracted, then
• 8:24
  grandparents are distracted. And then though we're in 2026,
• 8:27
  if you're listening to this podcast in 2050, things are real
• 8:31
  different every generation. Does that resonate like it's,
• 8:36
  it's this deep programming, it's this very deep programming that
• 8:40
  we all have to get rid of and remember who we are.
• 8:43
  This is this is a whole collective thing that we need to
• 8:45
  do together. It's not just you, it's not me.
• 8:47
  Collectively, we need to do this.
• 8:50
  Yeah, I agree. Just for context, before we go
• 8:53
  further, 'cause I like that we're diving right into this
• 8:55
  head first. There's a lot of, you know,
• 8:57
  stuff I want to talk about and get into and I've it's very
• 8:59
  interesting your perspectives even just before setting up like
• 9:02
  talking about. I don't normally talk about this
• 9:04
  stuff, right. So it's it's good to get it out
• 9:06
  in the open and open my mind. And I think if I want to say
• 9:09
  anything to people listening today is like, keep an open mind
• 9:12
  through this fucking episode, please, Because yeah, you're
• 9:15
  going to hear words like God and you're going to hear words that
• 9:17
  might make you uncomfortable and trigger you.
• 9:19
  But in my experience, when I the more open I am to these concepts
• 9:23
  and the more willing to explore them, I just, my life gets
• 9:27
  better, right? And you know, I take something
• 9:29
  here, I pick up something here, I leave something there that I
• 9:31
  don't like, but keep an open mind, I would say.
• 9:33
  So if you guys want to just give maybe a quick high level back
• 9:37
  story of how you kind of got into this way of living and, and
• 9:42
  what brought you into spirituality and, and how you
• 9:44
  got here. So, Jess, if you want to.
• 9:46
  Start. OK, so I didn't.
• 9:50
  I didn't use words like God. I didn't shudder at them, but I
• 9:53
  didn't use them either. I didn't subscribe to any
• 9:57
  religion or spirituality. I subscribed to a life of
• 10:01
  thinking about myself only from when I was a baby.
• 10:04
  I thought about myself only. And if I didn't get my way, I
• 10:08
  had a massive impending feeling of doom.
• 10:11
  Like the world would just collapse around me.
• 10:13
  Like I need one more hour of TVI need one more Beanie Baby.
• 10:16
  I need one more troll. And that went on and on, and it
• 10:22
  turned me into a monster. That's the only way that I would
• 10:26
  be able to describe it. And because it was the only life
• 10:30
  that I knew, it was normal to me.
• 10:31
  And until it started to feel really bad in here.
• 10:36
  And when that happened to me, I found a program and mentors
• 10:41
  within the program that taught me a new conception and a new
• 10:46
  belief system and a new way of living which involved the
• 10:50
  opposite of every single way that I was living.
• 10:54
  It was really, I was, it was really dark the way that I was
• 10:57
  living. And this lifestyle was really
• 10:59
  light. And this other way that I was
• 11:01
  living was really, really, really attached to outcomes and
• 11:04
  really attached to material. And this new way of living was
• 11:09
  completely separated from that. And I was completely separated
• 11:12
  from all of these acting out behaviors and any type of drugs
• 11:17
  or drinking or love addiction or food addiction or shopping
• 11:22
  addiction or addiction to telling, you know, to people
• 11:25
  telling me that, you know, they, they loved me or that they were,
• 11:29
  you know, attracted to me. All of those addictions started
• 11:32
  to evaporate when I separated myself from self right.
• 11:37
  And I met Nikki in this program and she took me through some
• 11:43
  work around some of these things and I started to live a lot
• 11:48
  different. That's a good way to sum it up.
• 11:52
  Yeah, that's beautiful. Well, how did I get on this
• 11:57
  beautiful blue couch with two star?
• 12:00
  Seeds wearing a blue shirt. Yeah, wearing a blue shirt.
• 12:04
  Thank you for people just listening.
• 12:05
  I'm matching the couch. How did I get here?
• 12:07
  Well, I was going to kill myself and kill my lover.
• 12:10
  And how did I get to that point where I was going to kill myself
• 12:13
  and kill my another human, a child of God.
• 12:18
  It started young because I was born into a, a family that's
• 12:22
  programmed into really sick programming, the family disease
• 12:27
  of alcoholism, addiction. I don't care what it is.
• 12:31
  And then I'll put down certain things and pick up other things.
• 12:34
  So like my friend Jess said here, alcohol and drugs are her
• 12:37
  thing. I put that down crystal meth and
• 12:40
  and all that good stuff doesn't do anything to me, 'cause when
• 12:43
  you snort a human, I don't know if you've ever snorted a human,
• 12:47
  Anthony, but it's oh man, it's really, it's really great.
• 12:50
  There you go. And if you snort, and if you
• 12:53
  snort piles of money, that feels good too.
• 12:57
  And then if you snort, piles of self righteousness, self pity,
• 13:02
  and then there's no way out. And so that's how I got here.
• 13:06
  And I was, you know, I was in. I'm beyond human aid.
• 13:10
  That's why I'm here, because I'm from Orange County, California.
• 13:15
  The sun, sea and sand don't work.
• 13:19
  I've had a shit ton of money. I'm a retired burlesque
• 13:21
  entertainer. If you're watching.
• 13:22
  I used to be young and young and tight.
• 13:25
  I'm 52 now. I could, you know, work out a
• 13:27
  little bit more. It might help.
• 13:28
  But Long story short, I'm beyond human aid.
• 13:32
  I tried all your pills. Those made me crazy and want to
• 13:35
  kill myself because I couldn't have an orgasm.
• 13:38
  What antidepressant? Oh yeah, you know when they make
• 13:40
  your your farfalla as dry as a Sahara desert.
• 13:46
  Can I say that on your podcast, Sir?
• 13:48
  And then you're like, wait, what went on?
• 13:50
  Oh, it's the pills. So no pills will help me.
• 13:53
  And then no human aid. No, no one's going to help me.
• 13:56
  And that's how I wound up here because all the answers are
• 14:00
  inside of me, just like all the problems are inside of me.
• 14:04
  And so I too, like like, like just said, I needed a mentor, a
• 14:08
  guide, a, a, a, a someone to help me find find a way out and
• 14:14
  a way out of what Nikki, A way out of his pants, a way out of
• 14:17
  the bottle, way out of the baggie, a way out of the bank
• 14:19
  account. No way out of my sick mind.
• 14:22
  A way out of this crazy mind that never stops, never stops,
• 14:28
  never, never stops. And throw on it.
• 14:29
  I'm a Virgo type A. That's just.
• 14:32
  I'll never stop fuel to the fire.
• 14:34
  Yeah, I think what we're talking about is a thinking disease.
• 14:38
  You know, I really, really am addicted to my sick thinking.
• 14:42
  Good thinking, bad thinking, just thinking.
• 14:46
  So I needed a program that was going to show me where to place
• 14:50
  those thoughts. I needed like action, actionable
• 14:53
  items that showed me how to place my thought life on a
• 14:57
  spiritual plane because my thought life was on a material
• 15:01
  plane and it was making me really sick and it was causing a
• 15:05
  lot of destruction that I had and I'm having to work really
• 15:09
  hard at cleaning up. Yeah, and it's the other thing
• 15:12
  too is for me at least it's it's like it's a daily thing, right?
• 15:15
  It's not that flip the switch and now I'm connected, you know,
• 15:18
  for life, right? I have to, I, because I go back
• 15:21
  to that thinking of, you know, it's something I've noticed
• 15:24
  recently actually with my new connection to what I call God
• 15:27
  now is it's sort of meditating as well.
• 15:31
  Like, like seriously meditating every morning, not just, you
• 15:33
  know, here and there. Yeah, I'll do it to check the
• 15:35
  box. Like I actually started dialing
• 15:37
  in 10-15 minutes every morning and I've been doing it for three
• 15:40
  weeks now, I think. And it's changing my life.
• 15:42
  Like honestly, it's starting. I I start to really catch my
• 15:46
  thinking in mid air and myself to what you're talking about.
• 15:50
  And for me, what's coming, what comes up a lot is I like to
• 15:54
  judge people. And for whatever reason, I just,
• 15:57
  I get an instant resentment. Yeah.
• 15:59
  And it just. And and that's what takes me out
• 16:02
  to drink eventually, too, because I'm like holding on to
• 16:04
  that righteous anger of I don't know why.
• 16:07
  It doesn't make any sense, but it's for me it's.
• 16:09
  You're addicted to anger. Probably, probably, but it's so
• 16:13
  specific with that guy has a lot of money, he's rich.
• 16:16
  This is the story I spin in my head.
• 16:17
  Therefore he's a piece of shit and I'm going to judge him on
• 16:21
  his actions and this and that. So those those are the things.
• 16:23
  But what I noticed this time around is I I'll start to catch
• 16:26
  those thoughts before they get into me yelling at my wife or.
• 16:30
  And what if I gave you some radical programming to that
• 16:32
  thought and said, 'cause you're 'cause I, I see that you know
• 16:36
  what you can and can't do, Anthony?
• 16:38
  And so it's like Anthony can never pick up a drink again.
• 16:40
  You could never pick up a person outside of your marriage.
• 16:43
  And you're like, these are deep things.
• 16:45
  You can never pick up those certain drugs or even a sugar,
• 16:48
  like whatever it is that you can't pick up.
• 16:50
  What if I told you you cannot pick up judging other people?
• 16:56
  Like put the stamp on it. Like this is how serious?
• 16:59
  Like that's why I say the programming.
• 17:00
  The programming goes very deep. You're not allowed to do that
• 17:05
  anymore, Sir. So what do you do?
• 17:07
  So first thought is that guy's rich.
• 17:09
  He's a piece of shit, or I should have or blah, blah, blah.
• 17:11
  Second thought is the new programming.
• 17:15
  The new programming says what? What would the new programming
• 17:19
  say for something like that? He's a child of God.
• 17:21
  He's like, I love him and you need.
• 17:22
  To be helpful and you need to be a friend to everyone.
• 17:25
  So I don't have. Room.
• 17:27
  I don't have room to be thinking about what she has that I don't.
• 17:31
  If I'm thinking about how I'm going to be helpful to someone,
• 17:34
  maybe it's not even her, just fucking someone.
• 17:37
  And then Anthony said this next thing, which is, OK, I'm not
• 17:40
  going to judge, but then you've got to replace it.
• 17:43
  And you said, well, then I'll smile at him.
• 17:45
  See, there's the. That's an action.
• 17:46
  There's the action. That's a lot of people.
• 17:48
  And that's hard to do. That's hard.
• 17:50
  It's hard, but it works. But it it does work.
• 17:54
  And so maybe you don't want to smile at him, but maybe, maybe
• 17:56
  it'd be something like, OK, instead of judging, you're going
• 17:59
  to look for something good about it.
• 18:00
  Like, wow. Like.
• 18:02
  Like his? Yeah.
• 18:03
  Yeah, The materials. I love it.
• 18:06
  We're all on the right couch. Money.
• 18:08
  Money. Because it doesn't get, it
• 18:11
  doesn't get removed. We just have a way of dealing
• 18:13
  with it. Like you had mentioned
• 18:15
  meditation and yeah, for sure it's in our book and it's in
• 18:19
  many other spiritual practices, but I actually need help
• 18:24
  figuring out how to slow the fuck down.
• 18:28
  Last time I got into a car accident sober, I called this
• 18:31
  one. I'm like, she's like, slow down
• 18:35
  literally and figuratively. You know, I need to slow down so
• 18:40
  that I can hear God and I can't. I can do that in meditation, but
• 18:45
  I also need to be able to do that when I'm in motion
• 18:48
  throughout my day. So we have programming.
• 18:51
  It's the programming we everybody listening in from
• 18:53
  around the world. We are in Toronto, Canada, the I
• 18:57
  think it's the fourth or fifth largest city in North America.
• 19:00
  And we have been programmed to go, go, go, go, go, get, get,
• 19:03
  get, get, get. And and I'm a judger like you.
• 19:05
  And what are you sitting there just staring at the roses for?
• 19:08
  What are you sitting there just just rubbing your rosary?
• 19:11
  Nona Judge, you think you're a judger?
• 19:15
  I'm judging Nona in her black dress, rubbing her rosary, and
• 19:19
  then God puts the shoe on me like he did with the six inch
• 19:22
  stiletto when I was a burlesque entertainer for many years.
• 19:24
  Judging. How could a mother be as a
• 19:26
  dancer? Then I see that that's the best
• 19:29
  feeling in the world. Just to sit.
• 19:31
  Meditate known as meditating known as in her little black
• 19:35
  dress, known as lost her husband and her son.
• 19:38
  And the only safe space for Nona is to sit and think about how
• 19:44
  much her God loves her. You understand?
• 19:47
  Like that's when I saw like B not do 'cause I'm like, Nona,
• 19:52
  you own that house there. You own that.
• 19:53
  You have a house in Italy. Why the hell aren't you in Italy
• 19:56
  enjoying? Why aren't you wearing pink?
• 19:58
  Nona's finally dead. Go enjoy your life.
• 20:00
  You see what I mean, Anthony? And then I'm like, no, no, no,
• 20:02
  Nona, her happy space is sitting and just.
• 20:07
  And that happened to me in COVID when I lost all my rights 'cause
• 20:09
  I didn't get that. The government mandates and you
• 20:12
  know, those are other issues, but I sat there, I had was
• 20:14
  forced to sit, lost my job, lost all my rights, my follow wasn't
• 20:19
  touched because my boyfriend lives in Europe.
• 20:22
  Well, for me, because money is my first addiction, God
• 20:27
  sometimes removes me from money. OK.
• 20:30
  And then when I don't have my money, my money, money, money,
• 20:33
  so I can go over here and travel over here and go to a shop and
• 20:38
  buy this, I have to sit still. I can't move around as much.
• 20:45
  And the money that I worshipped so much, the ironic thing about
• 20:48
  it is because I was craving freedom to move around, but I
• 20:53
  had none because I was literally in jail in my head.
• 20:56
  And I've never had so much freedom.
• 20:59
  But I needed to burn a lot of money in order to become
• 21:04
  desperate enough to figure out a program in order for me to
• 21:07
  change my life. So this is the full circle
• 21:09
  stuff. When did that happen for you?
• 21:13
  Like not. 2 1/2 years ago. Because I'm currently going
• 21:16
  through that right now, yeah. 2 1/2 years ago.
• 21:18
  I knew I was going to hear something I needed to hear
• 21:20
  today, so. What Anthony?
• 21:21
  What are you going through chasing the money?
• 21:24
  The the I need money and I don't have enough of it.
• 21:27
  Oh, that was that's that's where you go that.
• 21:29
  Was me 5 five years old through 33 years old it.
• 21:32
  Was her 5 minutes ago. That was 3 this morning.
• 21:36
  That was me this morning, Couch, that was her this morning, and
• 21:39
  me about. So OK so that was me 5 through
• 21:42
  33 years old, but for the last 2 1/2 years still me but I have
• 21:47
  the tools to get out of right? You're not blocked by.
• 21:49
  It I am, but I can unblock, right?
• 21:52
  OK, because I have the I have the ability to tap the power,
• 21:55
  but I have to make a decision to do it.
• 21:57
  I'm not going to tell people that I just wake up and I've
• 21:59
  been reprogrammed and I know how to think properly.
• 22:03
  And. Also, and to your earlier point
• 22:04
  about smiling at someone like it does, we're not saying oh
• 22:07
  intuitively I am going to love this person.
• 22:10
  We are saying here is an actionable item.
• 22:13
  And then when you you know those people that say, but like that
• 22:16
  laughing yoga where they're like, if you just start
• 22:17
  laughing, then you'll eventually just be laughing.
• 22:19
  Do you know do you know what I'm talking about?
• 22:21
  No, I haven't heard of it. But it's OK.
• 22:23
  Yeah, it makes sense. So.
• 22:24
  They like start being great. If you start having gratitude,
• 22:27
  you're gonna have a lot of gratitude.
• 22:28
  Right. If you start smiling at people,
• 22:30
  people will start smiling back. And that's another thing in our
• 22:33
  program that we talk about a lot, which is kind of how I
• 22:36
  would describe it, is you get what you give simply, right.
• 22:40
  And so I, I was getting a lot of being cheated and being
• 22:46
  manipulated, shocker, cuz I was manipulating and cheating and
• 22:49
  hustling everyone, right, and lying and not showing up for
• 22:53
  them. And shocker, I would get people
• 22:55
  around me that were not showing up for me.
• 22:58
  And now I have more people than I can count.
• 23:00
  I could cry that show up for me in a, in a big way, a big way.
• 23:05
  But I had to do the work around it, which just means that I had
• 23:09
  to show up for people, which I didn't know how to do before
• 23:12
  someone one showed me how to do. It and remember Anthony, like
• 23:15
  and and listeners out there, we're talking about God, the
• 23:19
  spiritual principles and and of what you're understanding, but
• 23:22
  money disguises itself and it looks like God.
• 23:27
  It makes you feel real good, gives you everything you want.
• 23:30
  Gives you wings. Gives you wings, gives you
• 23:32
  power, gives you the. Power over others.
• 23:35
  So money is, it looks like and can feel like.
• 23:40
  It's the closest thing that it's the closest thing that mimics
• 23:43
  God. There isn't one other thing I
• 23:46
  don't care that mimics God that way.
• 23:48
  So then you put the stamp on it just like you did, and I keep
• 23:52
  saying the stamp on it, the programming.
• 23:55
  I don't get to obsess about money.
• 23:59
  You don't because. And then you program your mind
• 24:02
  into like, because come on, let's get honest here, Anthony,
• 24:05
  you've had a shit ton of money and you've had no money and
• 24:08
  you're still suffering the same. So what is more money going to
• 24:10
  do to you? So again, it's about remembering
• 24:13
  and and being reminded. And that's why when you asked
• 24:16
  me, you know, why are we here on earth?
• 24:18
  Like based on my experiences, I have a little bit more of an
• 24:22
  insight on to that because of what Nikki just said.
• 24:26
  I, I needed to go through these experiences of having a lot of
• 24:30
  XYZ and having none of it so that I could compare notes and
• 24:35
  say I still felt like shit. So obviously having it isn't the
• 24:40
  answer. Not having it isn't the answer,
• 24:43
  getting it back isn't the answer.
• 24:44
  I had to search some someplace else for it.
• 24:47
  It was in here the whole fucking time.
• 24:51
  We we use outside things to change our insides, right?
• 24:53
  I mean, it's food. All day and every day.
• 24:55
  I like what you said though, about like the stamp on it.
• 24:57
  To me, it's like I use judging and anger as a drug.
• 25:00
  Same. I chop it up, I line it up and I
• 25:02
  just snort it, right. I mean fucking every day in my
• 25:05
  life. You can't, you don't.
• 25:07
  We don't have the luxury. What is it the dubious luxury of
• 25:09
  normal men to be? That's right.
• 25:11
  No we don't actually. My best friend who I'm helping
• 25:14
  with a situation with her husband right now.
• 25:17
  And she goes, it's really good. We had a great date night,
• 25:20
  everything's going really well and I have a baby and it's
• 25:23
  really important that they do get along.
• 25:24
  And she was telling me I'm feeling really good and, and,
• 25:27
  and she she's a rageaholic. She gets really, really off on
• 25:30
  rage. And I said to her, OK, so just
• 25:32
  don't, don't ruin the momentum. Like if you feel like you want
• 25:36
  to say something sarcastic or rude, just don't.
• 25:39
  It's the same as me taking a line of cocaine for two seconds.
• 25:43
  It will feel good, but then it will it will ruin all of my
• 25:47
  progress that I've made all day long or in the last day or the
• 25:50
  last two years, whatever. So you cannot.
• 25:52
  To Nikki's point, you are not allowed to get angry.
• 25:56
  And let's go deeper with that with your friend, 'cause we're
• 25:58
  going to send her this podcast, Your bestie, and let's go
• 26:02
  deeper. So you're not allowed to tell
• 26:03
  your husband something angry you, Anthony, you're not allowed
• 26:05
  to tell your wife, but you've got to replace it.
• 26:08
  See, that's what people think. I'm not going to do cocaine
• 26:10
  anymore. I'm not going to drink anymore.
• 26:11
  I'm not going to have sex anymore.
• 26:12
  What are you replacing it with? In, in, in, in the programming
• 26:16
  that you and I are in. We replace it Anthony, with
• 26:20
  service to others. So what can So what?
• 26:23
  Can you? So you want to scream at your
• 26:25
  husband and get real crazy? So radical contests.
• 26:30
  So what are you going to say instead of calling him an
• 26:31
  asshole? Or give him, give him.
• 26:34
  Wow, your blue eyes are so sparkly.
• 26:36
  You know what I mean, Matt? Anthony, your wife will hear
• 26:39
  this too. Anthony's wife.
• 26:41
  Your beard's trimmed perfect. You see what I mean?
• 26:44
  Like your wife could say that instead of going, you're an
• 26:47
  asshole, Anthony. It'd be like, oh honey, your,
• 26:48
  your beard looks good today. You got #135 hair perfect.
• 26:52
  Like you know what I mean? Like you can get.
• 26:54
  You. You I.
• 26:55
  Like those pants on you? They look good.
• 26:57
  You sometimes have to dig deep. You sometimes have to get
• 27:00
  creative. This is what it is.
• 27:02
  God gave us the brain. Use it for good instead of for
• 27:05
  greed. Use it so so you know, like the
• 27:08
  money instead of going, you need more money.
• 27:11
  Wouldn't it be like, you're in abundance, dude, you are so in a
• 27:16
  what the hell do you need more money for?
• 27:18
  For a bigger car, for a better pair of pants?
• 27:21
  You got your pants on. You got shoes on.
• 27:23
  The hell do you need more money for?
• 27:25
  And then you get into using the brains and into the reality,
• 27:29
  because let's go deeper. And you talk about this,
• 27:31
  Anthony, you tell us we're in a spirit world.
• 27:34
  Where the hell are you spending your money in a spirit world?
• 27:37
  But Nikki, I'm in the world. I mean, yes, that doesn't mean
• 27:40
  you don't work. That doesn't mean you just sit
• 27:41
  and do nothing while waiting. God's gonna give me.
• 27:43
  But. That's a good question that
• 27:45
  that's a really good question that Nikki asks me a lot when
• 27:48
  I'm in my insanity. Jessica, do you have what you
• 27:52
  need right now? Like like Anthony, ask yourself,
• 27:57
  Anthony, to self to self, do you have what you need?
• 28:01
  Do you have what you need in the fridge and over your head And a
• 28:05
  beautiful wife? Yeah, the heat's on, right?
• 28:09
  Yeah, and then you could like we, we aren't.
• 28:12
  Another thing we aren't allowed to do is future trip.
• 28:15
  I'm not allowed to think about oh, oh, but what about in six
• 28:19
  weeks? Oh, but what about in six
• 28:20
  months? Oh, but what about in six years?
• 28:22
  I'm not allowed allowed to do that either.
• 28:24
  I'm not allowed to snort. Future tripping doesn't work.
• 28:28
  Here now though, we're here right now like what is I have a
• 28:33
  crackhead Carl I'm going to send this podcast.
• 28:34
  Hi Carl. Hi, Carl.
• 28:36
  And he's. Always like and.
• 28:38
  He is and he's always like, and I can do this on camera because
• 28:40
  we're on camera and he's always like this.
• 28:42
  He's always like, what is missing in this moment, Nikki?
• 28:46
  Nothing go deep with like what is missing in this moment?
• 28:51
  Oh, be better if Anthony's wife is here.
• 28:52
  If I had if, If the dogs were here, if I had a baby,
• 28:54
  breastfeeding if. I had a better studio, a bigger.
• 28:58
  Tighter tits No, nothing is missing.
• 29:00
  Why do we keep going to tighter tits?
• 29:01
  Nothing is missing. No sex addicts.
• 29:05
  I'm sorry, nothing is missing. And if I'm, if I'm there, I'm
• 29:12
  not here, right? And so how can I be of maximum
• 29:16
  usefulness to you or you or this what we're doing right now
• 29:23
  together, if I'm over there? So I've, what I've been taught
• 29:26
  is slow down, pause. And in that slow down and pause,
• 29:30
  I've realized that I can't be two places at once.
• 29:33
  And then I'm told in my programming that I have to be of
• 29:37
  service and to be of maximum service, I have to be here.
• 29:41
  So I'm actually doing everyone a disservice if I'm here.
• 29:45
  But in my old selfish thinking, I didn't give a fuck about that.
• 29:48
  So it didn't occur to me to not be in my fantasy and then be
• 29:52
  doing everything that I can and stepping on every single human
• 29:56
  being that got in my way to get to that fantasy.
• 29:59
  I don't even get to be in that fantasy anymore because I have
• 30:01
  to be here being a service to you.
• 30:03
  So how beautiful is that? Nothing new under the sun here.
• 30:06
  Anthony no, it's not I. Mean you're Italian, right,
• 30:08
  Anthony? So let's take us back 2000 years
• 30:10
  ago, Roman times. We're sitting on a blue couch
• 30:12
  right now, people. But we could be sitting around
• 30:15
  being fanned in our togas and there's nothing new we're
• 30:18
  supposed to. This is the stuff we're supposed
• 30:20
  to talk about. Not the Super Bowl that's coming
• 30:23
  up. Not the distractions of the
• 30:25
  whatever. Not the Super Bowl that's fixed
• 30:27
  and the billion dollar gaming industry around it that's
• 30:30
  bleeding people dry. You see the distractions.
• 30:35
  So what if we took the young men and sat around instead of a
• 30:38
  Coliseum watching the the the people be eaten alive?
• 30:41
  The Bread and Circus. The Bread and Circus.
• 30:42
  What if we just sat here and talked about?
• 30:45
  God. Things talked about how you're
• 30:49
  going to serve your wife when you go home, how you're going to
• 30:53
  serve your community, or I'm going to serve my mother who
• 30:56
  lives with me, Anthony, because her husband.
• 30:59
  This is the disease. Her husband seven years ago took
• 31:03
  a pistol and blew his head off in front of her in Prescott, AZ.
• 31:08
  Jessica's does service for my mom a lot 'cause I'm like, can
• 31:10
  you get this old lady off my hand?
• 31:11
  Didn't die right away, by the way.
• 31:13
  Didn't die right away, my mom had to watch it.
• 31:16
  She ran down, they landed the helicopter in the middle of the
• 31:19
  road and now my mom lives with me forever.
• 31:22
  So you see why I work a serious program 'cause they'll they'll
• 31:26
  be, I can easily slip into homicide, suicide.
• 31:30
  And by the way that that wasn't part of Nikis plan so obviously
• 31:35
  So what type of energy would she be wasting thinking about her
• 31:41
  five year? Plan and poor me.
• 31:43
  So it's like it's not part of her five year plan.
• 31:45
  So imagine if she had spent all this time, you know, connecting
• 31:49
  the dots around the five year plan.
• 31:51
  It's like it's not, it's not happening the way that we want
• 31:54
  it 5. Year plans and COVID, COVID hit.
• 31:56
  We all have plans. We all have plans before we
• 31:58
  whatever you relapse or you don't relapse or whatever,
• 32:01
  whatever it looks like. And, and this is really, and
• 32:03
  that's why there's a, there's a word in our, in our, in our
• 32:06
  programming that we use a lot. It's radical.
• 32:10
  This is radical, the human experience.
• 32:15
  Let me look at the camera. It's so radical.
• 32:19
  Most people don't make it. That makes sense to you.
• 32:22
  Most people will not make the human they'll they'll have a
• 32:26
  mediocre life. They might not be dead, but they
• 32:30
  may as well fucking be dead. Yeah, they're sleeping.
• 32:32
  Yeah. They're called MPCS.
• 32:33
  What are those things called? Non non.
• 32:36
  Character players. And I was going to say away from
• 32:38
  keyboard AFK, when you're not at the computer, you're just
• 32:42
  completely gone. Yeah, that's what that's
• 32:44
  actually what I was thinking too, is like how much time you
• 32:47
  could have wasted, right? Just poor me.
• 32:51
  How did this happen to me? Now I got to take care of my mom
• 32:55
  and how am I going to get out of this, right?
• 32:57
  And you're just burning up energy foolishly, as you always
• 32:59
  say, but like, or I can be a good daughter and give back and
• 33:05
  actually enjoy life, right? But there's so many people that
• 33:08
  just aren't doing that right that it's like.
• 33:10
  No. And then and then you don't know
• 33:11
  what's going to happen. Like my mom bought me a Jacuzzi
• 33:15
  backyard. Like you see what I mean?
• 33:17
  Like come over anybody who wants to come over.
• 33:19
  And it's like, how did you know? I didn't know?
• 33:22
  Because that wasn't my plan. I'm supposed to be married.
• 33:24
  I'm supposed to be living in Europe with Mr. Luxembourg.
• 33:26
  I'm no, you're supposed to be at home.
• 33:28
  You're supposed to be taking care doing these things.
• 33:31
  And it's, it's a life beyond my wildest dreams because I, I
• 33:35
  can't, I would have never planned this.
• 33:36
  Would you have planned this right now sitting here with
• 33:38
  these people like it's, it's, it's amazing what you do when
• 33:41
  you get new programming. This is all about new
• 33:44
  programming. So how do you get the new
• 33:45
  programming? And there's many ways to get new
• 33:48
  programming. And by taking your mind off the
• 33:52
  outcome, you open your world up to so many bigger and better
• 33:58
  outcomes. Because if I'm focused on like
• 34:01
  my brain is finite, God's plans, the universe, whatever the fuck
• 34:05
  you want to say, it's infinite. That's unlimited amount of
• 34:12
  possible outcomes. And here I am focusing on the
• 34:15
  one guy. Oh, and I need him to do what I
• 34:18
  what I want him to do, and he doesn't do it.
• 34:21
  And so I'm over here being really disappointed that he
• 34:24
  didn't fit into my plan. But meanwhile, God has all of
• 34:27
  these bigger and better things, but I can't see them when I'm I
• 34:30
  told you, we can't, I can't be in two places at one time.
• 34:33
  So I'm laser focused on this. I need what I want.
• 34:37
  I want what I want and I can't see.
• 34:40
  So when I'm unblocked from being unattached to outcomes and I
• 34:43
  have the freedom to say like, I don't know what's going to
• 34:46
  happen and that's cool. And I'm just going to be of
• 34:48
  service and I'm going to be in the present.
• 34:50
  I can start to see all the cool things that God is doing for me,
• 34:53
  but I can't see them when I'm in that state of mind, that crazy,
• 34:56
  insane state of mind. Why do you think we always go
• 34:58
  back to it? Like why do you think we we?
• 35:00
  Because. It's all we know.
• 35:02
  It's the programming that we know it's easier to go down the
• 35:07
  programming that you know, isn't it easier if I said to you,
• 35:10
  let's let's go take, you know, we're going to go to your house
• 35:12
  right now. We're all going to hop in your
• 35:13
  car and you're going to take the route that you know, but what if
• 35:17
  I said, let's take a different route?
• 35:18
  Well, Nikki, I don't know. I don't know if that's going to
• 35:20
  work out. You see what I mean?
• 35:22
  Like it's easy to and it's to fall back asleep is so easy
• 35:25
  because we're programmed. This is radical.
• 35:28
  So let me ask. This is why I like to ask your
• 35:30
  audience if you don't, or let me ask you who programmed you,
• 35:33
  Anthony, who programmed you and go from utero, if you can
• 35:39
  remember. Well, I I think it's more than
• 35:43
  one person. For money you came out of your.
• 35:44
  Mom's, yeah. And like, the moment you came
• 35:46
  out, what was I like, retell the whole story.
• 35:48
  It was bright in there. Do you?
• 35:50
  Feel the love from your dad enough or are you still
• 35:52
  suffering? From that, yeah, open up weird,
• 35:55
  I would say yeah, parents in society, right, like.
• 35:59
  Like, let's go deep because I mean, I, I can just assume I,
• 36:01
  you're Italian, so you've got some.
• 36:04
  Cultural. Yeah, Cultural noise.
• 36:05
  You've. Got a Nono and Nona and and I
• 36:08
  don't even know an Italian. Great uncle.
• 36:10
  Great, great. You know there's words for that.
• 36:12
  Then you've got, then you've got your, then you've got school.
• 36:15
  Go deeper. Now you've got your culture,
• 36:17
  you've got Toronto culture, but maybe you know, you know,
• 36:20
  you're, you're from the, the Backcountry and, and so now
• 36:23
  you've got these old country values too from, from your
• 36:25
  family. And then now you've, you see the
• 36:28
  programming, then you've got your government programming.
• 36:31
  Now you've got your television programming.
• 36:32
  Now, now then you went to this conservative university or you
• 36:35
  went to this liberal you. It goes so deep.
• 36:37
  So why do we fall back asleep? That's a lot of programming,
• 36:40
  Sir. And if you're older like me,
• 36:44
  like, like my mom, like it's hard to reprogram or we've tried
• 36:47
  to reprogram your mom, lady, so. So on that note, though, I'm
• 36:55
  reprogrammed, I have something, I'm reprogrammed.
• 36:58
  So I have to change my reaction to people that have old
• 37:02
  programming. Does that mean that's one of our
• 37:04
  action items? Like I don't get to go around
• 37:07
  and say you need to be reprogrammed.
• 37:09
  Like they maybe they don't want to, maybe they're not in enough
• 37:12
  pain. I certainly was in enough pain.
• 37:14
  It's different, so I don't get to respond in weird ways just
• 37:18
  because people aren't responding to me the way that I want them
• 37:20
  to respond. No, but when you get
• 37:22
  reprogrammed, when you get reprogrammed, OK, and you go
• 37:24
  home to your mom or my mom or when you go home to your wife or
• 37:27
  family, friends, Co workers, when you're reprogrammed and
• 37:31
  it's this is an old one. As above, so below, as within,
• 37:35
  so without like you, we're we're all mirror reflections.
• 37:39
  Anthony, I hate to tell you this, I'm you, you're me.
• 37:41
  Now, if you're, if anyone's watching this on YouTube, we
• 37:43
  look very different. We're the same.
• 37:46
  I'm you, you're me. We're just in a different meat
• 37:48
  suit. But let's pull off our meat
• 37:49
  suit. Let's pull off all of this.
• 37:52
  And your bright light inside of you is identical to mine.
• 37:56
  Well, that is to Anthony's question about what was your
• 38:01
  question about why we returned to sanity You didn't.
• 38:04
  Say why we fall back. Asleep.
• 38:05
  Why we fall back asleep, like I'm so uncomfortable on this
• 38:09
  planet. I don't want to be in this body.
• 38:12
  I wasn't equipped for this, right?
• 38:17
  So all of these worldly things, we call them the worldly
• 38:20
  clamours, they make me crazy because I don't want to be here,
• 38:23
  right? I'm a soul, I'm a spirit.
• 38:25
  Yeah, we're souls, we're spirits, yeah.
• 38:27
  And then you add the basic human needs of needing to belong,
• 38:30
  right? And then how am I supposed to
• 38:31
  belong with buddy that has a Bugatti?
• 38:33
  Like you said, I must need a Bugatti to belong with him.
• 38:37
  What's the like? What are the other ones I needed
• 38:39
  to be useful right to my tribe? So how can I be useful to my
• 38:42
  tribe? So yeah, it's a good point.
• 38:43
  If you're hanging out with people that are asleep all the
• 38:46
  time or believing in one thing, you're going to believe in that
• 38:48
  thing. Yeah, they're in the
• 38:49
  three-dimensional world and I want to be in the five
• 38:53
  dimensional world and I can flip flop back and forth all day
• 38:56
  because I have to be here and I have to make money to be here.
• 38:59
  But it's painful. That's why I fall back into
• 39:03
  insanity or fall back asleep. For me, asleep is blotting out
• 39:07
  with Netflix or scrolling through my phone, or spending
• 39:10
  money that I shouldn't be spending, or eating something
• 39:13
  that I will regret later, or over exercising so that I can
• 39:16
  forget about what I ate yesterday.
• 39:18
  Like I go back to sleep in those ways.
• 39:20
  Does that make sense? Yeah.
• 39:22
  And that's why there's a keyword in our programming, Anthony.
• 39:24
  It says practice. I like the scenario of young
• 39:29
  people. You may not know the original
• 39:30
  version of Karate Kid. Oh, that's a great, that's a
• 39:35
  great metaphor I love. It OK with Ralph Macchio and and
• 39:37
  and the old guy they wax on wax off Danielson and he's like why
• 39:41
  am I doing this up and down? You do that every day and then
• 39:44
  when you're confronted to do the crane move and don't make me get
• 39:47
  up and start doing the crane move.
• 39:49
  That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm the crane move when it
• 39:53
  all comes together because there's a lot of crane moves
• 39:55
  when he cuts you off on the four O 1 on the highway, that's when
• 39:58
  the wax on wax off comes all off and you're like you're like, OK
• 40:01
  breathe and you remember what to do.
• 40:04
  Does that make sense? So that's why we have to
• 40:06
  practice. That's a keyword how why do we
• 40:08
  fall back asleep? Some of you fall back asleep
• 40:10
  because you're not practicing. You're just not practicing.
• 40:14
  You don't get a day off when you're trying to reprogram
• 40:17
  yourself. That's that's hard, and that's
• 40:20
  why I say most people won't make it.
• 40:22
  Yeah, and what's make it? Yeah, what is?
• 40:25
  What is make it? Walk around free.
• 40:29
  Like walk around without worrying, without being in care.
• 40:34
  I care. I care.
• 40:35
  I care about this. I care about that.
• 40:38
  Walk around without feeling bored, Right?
• 40:41
  Oh, I'm so bored. I'm so bored.
• 40:42
  This is boring. No, it's not.
• 40:44
  You're boring. Yeah, Well, I think free is
• 40:48
  like, I don't go to protest anymore.
• 40:51
  I used to do the World Naked Bike Ride, Anthony.
• 40:53
  OK. And.
• 40:54
  And that's the best way to protest everybody out there.
• 40:56
  You're amateurs if you have clothes on, OK?
• 40:59
  No one's looking at you. No one's looking at you.
• 41:01
  And actually we get a police escort in Toronto and I did the
• 41:04
  world naked bike ride for oil, blah blah blah.
• 41:06
  And it's like now this, all this, this world's full of
• 41:08
  protest. OK, now I don't do that anymore.
• 41:13
  Why not? Because I don't care about
• 41:15
  things, not because. Because it's futile and fatal.
• 41:21
  Do you understand what I mean? Because real change comes from
• 41:23
  within. Yes, real change comes from
• 41:26
  within. Over the years, what have
• 41:29
  protests done? I mean, I mean, I'm not knocking
• 41:31
  it. Please go.
• 41:32
  We need everybody to have a voice and then people are like
• 41:35
  Nikki. But then you wouldn't have a
• 41:36
  right to vote and you wouldn't have a right.
• 41:38
  The woman's Lib, that woman's movement didn't work out for me.
• 41:42
  It didn't work out. For.
• 41:44
  A lot of women, I'm going to be honest, it didn't work out.
• 41:46
  I'm. Too hormonal to be.
• 41:48
  I don't want to be mom and dad and it didn't work out for me,
• 41:53
  so I don't know. You see what I mean?
• 41:55
  The plan I don't know, but you wouldn't have had.
• 41:57
  I don't know. So I don't do those things.
• 41:59
  I've been reborn in a way that when I change, well, Gandhi said
• 42:03
  it be the change you want to see, be the change.
• 42:07
  And I know Gandhi did protests and all these things, but I
• 42:11
  think the real change came from when he made the change himself
• 42:15
  in himself. It it goes back to control what
• 42:17
  you can control and leave what you can't control, right.
• 42:21
  Focus on like what you're saying makes complete sense to me.
• 42:24
  And I can see why people would yell at you and get angry and
• 42:27
  say, wow, we need protests for this and that.
• 42:28
  But what's my relationship behind the the issue?
• 42:33
  Am I like crying every night because I'm not doing anything?
• 42:37
  But I'm showing up day after day And now I have a resentment
• 42:40
  towards the man and the government.
• 42:41
  And that's what I always that's what that was my thing with it
• 42:44
  always is like I'm just it's my relationship that's the problem
• 42:48
  to the to the issue, right? I can't, I am just in
• 42:52
  resentment. And now it's US versus them.
• 42:54
  And now we've we see what's happening in the States.
• 42:57
  But is that a, is that I like how you, I like how you're using
• 42:59
  the word relationship because is it a distraction from your
• 43:02
  relationship with yourself? Because have you done all of the
• 43:06
  things for your relationship with yourself before you put on
• 43:10
  your protesting? Yeah, and and the relationship
• 43:12
  with self is the relationship with God, because I'm going to
• 43:16
  this this I mean this this might be a controversial, like you
• 43:18
  said, it might trigger someone. Well, hey, everybody, life is a
• 43:21
  trigger. Waking up is a trigger if you're
• 43:25
  Nicky M OK. And so I have to really have a
• 43:30
  relationship with the one who has all power.
• 43:33
  And where do I find that inside of me?
• 43:36
  Inside there's nothing. When I think, when the human
• 43:40
  race realizes there's nothing outside of you, there's nothing
• 43:43
  outside of you. Everything you need is inside.
• 43:47
  We have we we're so powerful. We've been put to sleep.
• 43:50
  They have worked so hard. They.
• 43:53
  You know who they are. They have worked so hard at
• 43:56
  convincing us otherwise. They have spent trillions and
• 44:00
  trillions and trillions of dollars to convince us
• 44:04
  otherwise. Why would they do that?
• 44:06
  Why would they work so hard at that if there was nothing to
• 44:10
  battle? If there was nothing to battle,
• 44:14
  then why would they try to separate us from it so much?
• 44:17
  Anthony, do you know how powerful you are?
• 44:20
  I want you to look back over your shoulder, metaphorically.
• 44:22
  Haven't you always gotten what you want?
• 44:25
  I mean, this is a yes or no question.
• 44:29
  Maybe not the way you want it, not maybe not when you wanted
• 44:32
  it. But have you really truly your
• 44:33
  heart's desire, not your mind's? When you look back, Haven't you
• 44:38
  gotten what you wanted? Yeah, yeah.
• 44:39
  And I, I mean, it goes back to that passage in the book about
• 44:43
  what I, you know, what I needed was what I wanted the entire
• 44:46
  time. It's like I I always thought I
• 44:48
  need, I wanted this, but then God or the universe, whatever
• 44:53
  higher power shows me that this is what you need, buddy.
• 44:56
  And then this is actually what you wanted the whole time
• 44:58
  because, yeah, what I want is to lie on the couch with my wife at
• 45:02
  the end of the night and just sit.
• 45:04
  Like those are the moments where I'm like, huh, Yeah, this is
• 45:07
  what it's about right there. It.
• 45:08
  Is and so you've always had it in you.
• 45:11
  You're real powerful. But we get they those people,
• 45:14
  society, the programming puts us to sleep and we forget.
• 45:18
  We have forgotten how powerful we are.
• 45:23
  We are so powerful. And that's what I think the
• 45:26
  world's afraid of right now. Like we are very and I don't
• 45:30
  mean powerful in that way. What I, you know what I mean?
• 45:33
  Like the power that's inside of us, the power to love the
• 45:36
  highest vibration being your authentic self, vibrating it.
• 45:40
  Authenticity is the highest vibration.
• 45:42
  Not love. Vibrating inauthenticity.
• 45:47
  So so do me a favor differentiate like because lack
• 45:51
  of power is our dilemma, right? So I I get what you're saying.
• 45:54
  I just can you clear up like what, what do you mean by that
• 45:57
  power versus I need a greater power like lack of power?
• 46:01
  Lack of power. Lack of power.
• 46:04
  Meaning I, I don't, I can't stop.
• 46:08
  Once I start, I can't stop. I have lack of power.
• 46:12
  I can't control the amount of anything I'm taking.
• 46:16
  Let's go to thoughts so we can get the entire human race in
• 46:19
  here. I can't control the amount.
• 46:21
  I take a thought. No one loves me, OK?
• 46:23
  Or I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough.
• 46:26
  And then the next thought is, you know, I'm ugly.
• 46:28
  I should I need? I'm never gonna get out of this.
• 46:31
  So, so there's the thought pattern.
• 46:33
  So you're powerless over that. But the reality of it is you do
• 46:38
  have power. Because if you take that first
• 46:41
  thought right, I'm whatever the first thought is, and then you
• 46:45
  remember who you are 'cause it seems it's a seemingless,
• 46:51
  seemingly sorry, seemingly seemingly hopeless.
• 46:55
  So it only seems that way. Your attic life is your only
• 46:58
  normal one. But what if I told you your
• 47:01
  normal 1 is really filled with power, that you've been
• 47:05
  bamboozled that we're really let's go deep To my Christian
• 47:10
  friends out there, ye forget ye are gods.
• 47:14
  That's my new line. I love that I love.
• 47:17
  I love a radical ye you. Forget.
• 47:19
  I don't even know some of you Bible quoters.
• 47:21
  If we were live on a podcast now, you could put it in there,
• 47:23
  but. You forget you.
• 47:24
  Forget ye are gods. Am I the creator of the
• 47:28
  universe? No, no.
• 47:29
  But I'm all part of it. I'm part of Source, you're part
• 47:32
  of Source, you're part. We're all part of Source then.
• 47:34
  So the three of us coming together, we are vibrating real
• 47:38
  high right now. We're all feeling, we're deep in
• 47:39
  love and that agape love. We all respect each other.
• 47:44
  We're all feeling, feeling good, feeling powerful.
• 47:47
  I don't need to leave here and do anything but love.
• 47:50
  That's, and that's the energy we want everyday.
• 47:52
  Now see, imagine now. So we take that energy, you'll
• 47:54
  take it home, you'll take it. And we're, we're say it's 8:00
• 47:57
  in the morning. We have to go to work now and we
• 47:58
  take it out. And now there's things that are
• 48:00
  going to come in. And so we have to remember how
• 48:03
  powerful we are. Because when I first came in,
• 48:05
  I've been in these rooms and being in this type of
• 48:08
  programming for 14 years. And so now I'm remembering not
• 48:16
  that I'm sick, because I remembered for a long time I'm
• 48:19
  sick. But now I'm remembering that I
• 48:21
  have power. Now I'm remembering that my sex
• 48:24
  powers are God-given and not to be used lightly.
• 48:28
  Why am I spreading eagle for everybody?
• 48:30
  No, I'm too old. Any way to do that anymore?
• 48:33
  But why was I? It's too dangerous out there
• 48:38
  now, Yeah. Well, I'll tell you why.
• 48:39
  To get power. I know why I was doing it.
• 48:42
  To get power over people. That was my power that I used on
• 48:48
  everyone, right? And I don't need to do that now
• 48:51
  because I don't need to change the way that I feel because I
• 48:54
  feel really good right now with you guys here.
• 48:56
  So I don't need to move from one feeling to the next constantly,
• 49:01
  which is what it felt like to be an addiction, and what it feels
• 49:04
  like to be an addiction still when I'm not using these tools
• 49:07
  when I fall back asleep. I want to ask you is this if, if
• 49:12
  somebody new, someone just checking out this recovery stuff
• 49:16
  has made it this far into the podcast at this point to listen
• 49:19
  to the next sentence? What do you, what do you, what
• 49:23
  do you, what do you say to that person that when they just come
• 49:25
  in and they hear all this, you know, spiritual stuff or anyone
• 49:29
  that you know is agnostic? What, what do you say to that
• 49:32
  person to kind of open their mind a little bit or at least
• 49:35
  what helped you? Maybe I don't.
• 49:36
  Know how's your life working out for you?
• 49:39
  Because if you're happy, like I say to people, what do you if,
• 49:41
  if it's working, what are you doing here?
• 49:45
  Yeah, like what's? Working.
• 49:46
  Why are why are you here? Why are you asking?
• 49:48
  Because they're coming to me for something or, or like you said,
• 49:51
  I mean your recoveries, your your podcasts recovering a lot.
• 49:53
  So why are you in a room or why are you in a situation where you
• 49:56
  need recovery? I don't care where it is, if
• 49:58
  it's with a therapist, if it's with a doctor and a rehab and a
• 50:01
  in a resort in Costa Rica, why are you here?
• 50:03
  Like think of the word recover even.
• 50:05
  Yeah, like so why? That's what I.
• 50:07
  Use are you? Here so something in your life
• 50:10
  is not working and Jess and I have a wonderful way of doing
• 50:13
  this with people. We have a program that my mentor
• 50:17
  gave us and it's a checklist and you just check off all the
• 50:22
  things. Did your husband work for you?
• 50:24
  No. Did having that new baby work
• 50:26
  for you to getting your did you get that pocket dog work to
• 50:29
  getting your new car to getting the money?
• 50:31
  How about the foreign to the free job?
• 50:33
  Yeah, did did getting every. Then why are you here?
• 50:36
  If none of this worked, then why are you here?
• 50:39
  Then you're here because you need a new way of living.
• 50:41
  So I'm not going to convince you.
• 50:42
  I'm going to just show you or tell you that if you need me,
• 50:47
  I'm. Well, I'm 52.
• 50:48
  I'm retired. I'm Naked in my hot tub that my
• 50:49
  mom got me. OK, so this is how I roll with
• 50:52
  people. Because if it can happen for me,
• 50:54
  why can't it happen for you? I'm not higher education.
• 50:57
  I went to the school of Hard Knocks.
• 50:58
  PhD, Brass Rail. There you go.
• 51:02
  No big deal. So if you want it, you, it's for
• 51:04
  anybody. It's for anybody and everybody.
• 51:07
  But if your life is working so great for you, I have a 21 year
• 51:10
  old son and that's what I said to him one day.
• 51:12
  I said how's it working out for you?
• 51:13
  Let me know. You go do you?
• 51:16
  Go do you Boo, Mom's naked in the hot tub.
• 51:19
  And when you suffer enough, let me know.
• 51:21
  And then, sure enough, he comes back.
• 51:23
  No, it's true. People come with these problems
• 51:25
  and then you, you, you show them this sort of simple solution and
• 51:28
  they look at you like you have two heads because they actually
• 51:32
  just, I don't know, wanted you to agree with them that their
• 51:34
  life is shit. And that there's no way out,
• 51:37
  right? Like.
• 51:38
  You want, you want me to tell you that there's no way out
• 51:39
  because that's not true. That's not my experience and
• 51:42
  that's the only thing that I can share with you is my experience.
• 51:45
  I feel good. I don't want to change the way
• 51:46
  that I feel when I'm tapped into this.
• 51:50
  To your point, though, I mean, in my experience I had, you have
• 51:53
  to get beaten up. Like, really.
• 51:55
  I mean, I had to get beaten to a pulp.
• 51:57
  On every level. I've tried and beyond human aid
• 52:00
  again, I've tried all the human things.
• 52:02
  And that's what I'd say with new guys, too, is like what what
• 52:04
  have you tried? Yeah.
• 52:05
  Like the doctor didn't work for you, right.
• 52:07
  You know, doctor said I was an addict.
• 52:08
  OK, now what? You know what?
• 52:10
  That's what do I do now? The rehab, it worked until it
• 52:13
  didn't, right? It, it it's it's for me, rehab
• 52:16
  is a great place. It's it's something that guides
• 52:18
  me into the solution, right? It kind of.
• 52:21
  If that's where people find the solution, then that's great.
• 52:25
  But again, it goes back to I can't go to rehab.
• 52:27
  At least in my experience, I don't go to rehab and then I'm
• 52:30
  fucking safe for the rest of my life.
• 52:32
  Unless you. Carry the bubble with me
• 52:33
  everywhere. That's right.
• 52:34
  Unless you're gonna be locked up forever with a bodyguard, as it
• 52:37
  says well. And then I see a lot of people
• 52:39
  too, like they'll be here and then they forget that they got
• 52:42
  to do the work every day. You know, our program says the
• 52:45
  desperation of a drowning person.
• 52:47
  And, and you, you, you know, we all study kind of the same
• 52:50
  literature. And So what I've done with that
• 52:52
  literature, you're not supposed to alter it, but I've altered
• 52:54
  it. So after every sentence, it says
• 52:56
  every day, every day I need to smash the idea.
• 52:59
  Every day is a day I must carry. Every day I make a decision.
• 53:05
  Every day I clean up my past. You don't get a day off.
• 53:10
  This is radical, but with the with with the discipline and
• 53:13
  here it is. If you're listening to us and
• 53:15
  you're like, well, I don't know if I need that.
• 53:17
  Are you disciplined? Are you because if you're not
• 53:20
  disciplined, you won't make it. Do you make your bed every day
• 53:22
  and then go deeper consistency because you've been here a
• 53:24
  while. We've all seen it.
• 53:25
  The people who who are who are disciplined and consistent in
• 53:29
  life, they make it. It's just, it's just the way it
• 53:32
  goes. This is radical or aren't we're,
• 53:36
  we're, I always say like we're, we're, we're an army of angels.
• 53:41
  Who's to say that an Angel doesn't look like us?
• 53:44
  Angels with skin on, you know? And there's the good and the bad
• 53:48
  in all of us. Everybody has the good and
• 53:51
  everybody has the bad. No one is just good and no one
• 53:55
  is just bad. During COVID, I remember when I
• 53:59
  was so angry at the government, OK, because I didn't do all of
• 54:03
  that. And then I remember what it
• 54:05
  said, that, you know, even my prime minister's good, even the
• 54:12
  government is good. And I had to remember when the
• 54:15
  government was good, when I moved from Orange County,
• 54:18
  California, to Toronto with a car seat, a suitcase and a baby.
• 54:21
  And they gave me free daycare so I could spin around a pole.
• 54:28
  And they gave me mother's allowance so I could get an
• 54:32
  apartment. So my government's not all bad.
• 54:36
  But in that moment, Anthony, when they said I was a bioweapon
• 54:40
  and I had no rights, they were the devil to me.
• 54:42
  But then I had to remember when, Nikki, you could have lived
• 54:46
  under a bridge, but your government gave you and your
• 54:48
  daughter everything you needed to get kick started into into a
• 54:52
  home right down the street here. You see, like I forgot, there's
• 54:57
  good and bad in everybody. In everybody.
• 55:01
  You just have to look. You just have to.
• 55:02
  Look, it's rapid. It's such a great point.
• 55:04
  That's such a good point. Gratitude, right?
• 55:06
  It just goes back to gratitude there.
• 55:07
  It is. We have a magic magnifying mind.
• 55:10
  We are powerful. It is magnifying.
• 55:14
  If I look at things about you that I don't like, you're going
• 55:18
  to be like this big to me, and I'm very powerful at doing that.
• 55:21
  Who this big, I can make you feel, but I can also make you
• 55:26
  this big. I can worship the ground that
• 55:29
  you walk on. When I start to look at this
• 55:32
  thing and that thing and this thing about you, it magnifies.
• 55:35
  If I think about a blue car, that's all I'm going to see on
• 55:37
  the street. Just go ahead and try it.
• 55:39
  It's real. It's real.
• 55:41
  Oh. Good, do we snort enough God
• 55:46
  dope right now? Think for today, I think we did.
• 55:49
  We got to, I don't know, we got to land this, this plane.
• 55:54
  Should we offer an invitation to your audience, like really to
• 55:57
  think about some of the things we said today?
• 55:59
  We have to land it in. So like, if what you're doing is
• 56:02
  working for you, then, you know, take what you like and leave the
• 56:05
  rest. But if if you're wondering like
• 56:07
  how all of the three of us are sitting here, going like this is
• 56:11
  the greatest day of my. Life good.
• 56:12
  You see what? I mean, like, no, you didn't get
• 56:15
  that money that you're obsessing about.
• 56:16
  No, I didn't get the tighter tits today.
• 56:18
  And no, Jessica, well, her list is endless, you guys.
• 56:24
  But we're here like, like nothing's missing.
• 56:27
  And so if you want that, I would challenge your audience and your
• 56:30
  viewers and your listeners to just go, what are these people
• 56:34
  talking about? How do I get what they do?
• 56:36
  And maybe take some notes, maybe take some actions of what we
• 56:39
  talked about. When you're jealous of someone,
• 56:42
  when you, like you said, the guy has whatever you want, are you
• 56:46
  looking at the God in him? Maybe that would be the
• 56:49
  challenge to land the plane like we can.
• 56:51
  Because I see the God in you, man, Anthony.
• 56:53
  Wow. Real big God in you.
• 56:56
  And I always see the God in you. I've seen the devil, too.
• 56:58
  Everybody adjusts. Or maybe we could talk about.
• 57:02
  This is a good segue into what your side project or your
• 57:05
  projects that I'm going to be a part of and I'm excited for.
• 57:08
  If you guys like what you hear and you want to dive deeper into
• 57:11
  spirituality, we actually have an actionable item that we are
• 57:14
  going to do. So why don't you talk about
• 57:17
  your? OK, so we have a podcast
• 57:20
  launching next week or the week after.
• 57:23
  It's called Soul School. Nikki calls us soul surgeons.
• 57:26
  Can you explain what a soul surgeon does?
• 57:28
  Yeah, Soul surgeon. So next time you're filling an
• 57:30
  application, if you're like me and they say like, what's your
• 57:33
  occupation? I put in soul surgeons.
• 57:34
  So be free to and then everyone's looking at me.
• 57:36
  What does that mean? It means that I operate on your
• 57:39
  soul. And how do I operate on your
• 57:43
  soul with the spiritual principles?
• 57:46
  How do you, you know, I, I give you the tools because the tools
• 57:50
  are available to anybody. We lay out the tools for you.
• 57:53
  And then what happens when we, when I'm a sole surgeon, I teach
• 57:56
  you how to be a sole surgeon, just shows you how to be a sole
• 57:59
  surgeon. And that's what we do.
• 58:00
  So we have a sole school and we're going to teach everybody
• 58:04
  how to be a sole surgeon. And So what does that mean?
• 58:07
  We're going to show you how to how to love your teenager even
• 58:10
  when they can't love themselves. We're gonna show you how to
• 58:14
  forgive the unforgivable. We're gonna teach you how to be
• 58:21
  patient when you are the times ticking your biological clock.
• 58:28
  You're going. But I'm still no.
• 58:30
  We're gonna show you how to be patient.
• 58:33
  We're gonna show you that you are not lacking.
• 58:38
  We're gonna show you that the obsession of gratitude is the
• 58:41
  best obsession, and we're going to teach you how to do that.
• 58:44
  So that's what we're that's what our podcast is about.
• 58:47
  How to become a sole surgeon, how to get your highest
• 58:53
  education in Seoul School. Oh, and here I just want to warn
• 58:57
  everybody, Jess. And we should probably there's
• 58:59
  no graduation. You're in Seoul School forever
• 59:03
  until you cross back to your original place, and I don't know
• 59:07
  where that is. And that's a whole another
• 59:08
  podcast for another day. Empty.
• 59:11
  I love it. So you can find us on Instagram
• 59:13
  at The Real Soul School and we'll provide details in the
• 59:18
  description. Yeah, I'm going to put it all in
• 59:19
  the show notes and it's going to be.
• 59:21
  I'm excited. Yeah, it's fired up.
• 59:24
  We don't. I don't hear the stuff enough,
• 59:25
  you know? I'm really excited to work with
• 59:27
  you and really grateful for you. Thanks.
• 59:29
  Yeah. Me too, Anthony.
• 59:30
  I just want to thank you because everybody, you know, you're
• 59:32
  wanting more things. And I have to tell you, I do
• 59:34
  have another podcast we won't talk about.
• 59:35
  It's different, whole different energy, but I only I do it off
• 59:38
  my phone and to sit here with some cameras and this booming
• 59:42
  mic. Don't thank me yet, it hasn't
• 59:44
  happened. Yet it's gonna workout and it's
• 59:46
  gonna workout. But this is exciting, you see,
• 59:48
  so just through the process of just and then here I am on your
• 59:51
  on your couch with this fun stuff and I don't even know how
• 59:53
  to turn anything on but my phone.
• 59:56
  So thank you so much, Anthony, for having us here today and and
• 59:59
  sharing the message of love and authenticity.
• 1:00:01
  I'm I'm I'm grateful and I want to thank your wife just in
• 1:00:04
  advance because I can just see you guys just love each other.
• 1:00:07
  I don't even know her, but you're just a good guy and thank
• 1:00:10
  you. Thank you.
• 1:00:10
  That's. Beautiful.
• 1:00:11
  Thanks, Nikki. Thanks, Jess.
• 1:00:13
  Thanks for listening. Please help us grow the channel
• 1:00:15
  and like, share and subscribe for more content.
• 1:00:18
  The discussions and stories shared on this podcast are for
• 1:00:21
  informational and motivational purposes only.
• 1:00:24
  This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice,
• 1:00:28
  addiction treatment, or therapy. If you or someone you know is
• 1:00:31
  struggling with addiction, please consult A licensed
• 1:00:34
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• 1:00:37
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